Well, here are the responses.

keeper-of-mauve-paradise-The first reviewer! Glad you like it.

Speedfox-You sound like you really want this chapter.

Nega Link-It sounds like I don't want to get on the Nega Link's bad side.

TempleMaster17-Believe me, ideas are already forming.

Knuckles Spyro Fox Link Zidane-Glad you found it! Hope you like the first real chapter.

Mecha Scorpion-Thank you very much! I gained a lot of "inspiration" from your story and Knuckles Spyro Fox Link Zidane's...but why didn't you submit a signed review? Too lazy?

Zelda is owned by Nintendo Company, Limited. Which is not me.

Chapter 2: How it All Began

A young girl named Aryll was running along a path, looking for her brother.

"OYYYYYYY!" She screamed. Nobody took any notice.

Abe and Mesa were talking nearby.

"That weirdo Aryll looking for Link again?"

"No, I think she's looking for Oyyyyyyy."

Aryll had constructed a megaphone from grass, sand, spit, and plutonium.

"OYYYYYYYYYY!" A nearby house collapsed from the sonic wave, yet nobody answered.

Undaunted by previous failures, Aryll then proceeded to reach through a minus-65,000,000 year aural wormhole. The sound of the largest meteorite (the one that supposedly killed off the dinosaurs) blasted through time and space, causing earthquakes, volcanoes, tornadoes, hurricanes, whirlpools, and enthusiastic dishwashing.

Aryll, somehow still having a sense of hearing, could still hear nothing. Except for people shouting "MY LEG!" or "MY ARMPITS!" or even "ZZZZZZZ..."

Wait, what was that last one?

The snores were obviously coming from the watchtower. Where else would they be?

Aryll rushed to the watchtower, but had some trouble getting up as she had to bat off all the rabid "Z"s.

"Oy!" Still, nothing could wake up Link.

Aryll was getting annoyed by now, and was seriously considering to reach through the aural wormhole again, but she had a new idea.

"Erm...Publishers Clearing House!"

Link woke up faster than you could say Zelda. Zalda, Zadla, Zeldoo, Dezla, Zelda! Yeah, he woke up faster than that.

"FINALLY! My dream's coming true, for-wait, WHERE ARE THEY?" Link exclaimed.

Aryll had to keep on her toes to keep Link releasing his wrath of false alarms. She shuddered, thinking of what happened last time...

FLASHBACK

The algebra professor was droning on, as usual.

"-which is why two plus two equals five. Now open your books to page 34,520 and tell me what x stands for.

"Finland?"

"I'm afraid the correct answer is-"

A very loud siren blared through the entire school.

"Wow, that sure is a funny answer!"

"FIIIIIIIIIIIRE!"

The building was empty faster than you could say fire. Fry, firo, rife...

Link then began steaming by the ears. Which could mean one thing. His brain was shriveling. He was probably mad, too.

"What? No fire? FALSE ALARM! LINK SMASH!"

Link then produced a triple nuclear warhead from a wormhole and launched it towards the school. The whole tradegy could have been avoided if the wormhole generator wasn't kept in the Fire Drill Field.

END FLASHBACK

"Ummm...you just missed them! They went to your house!"

Several months later, the black speckled pig of the island was found in a bush close to the path. It looked as if it had been stampeded over. The door of Link's house avoided the same fate by jumping into the sea.

"WHERE ARE THE CLEARING HOUSE PEOPLE I WANNA MILLION BUCKS AND I DON'T MEAN DEER!"

"Oh, hello, Link. Happy birthday!" Link's grandmother did not seem affected in the face of insanity.

"AH DON'T CARE 'BOUT BIRTHDAY WHERE ARE PUBLISHERS!" The Incredible Hulk would be proud of Link's behavior.

Grandma was stupefied, but remembered Link's dream of being visited by Publishers Clearing House and his hate of false alarms. "Umm...they gave me your reward. Here you go!" She then handed him the Hero's Clothes!

Link looked at the tunic oddly. "A manskirt? I think I'd rather prefer my orange pants." He then examined the hat. "Is this some sort of new type of shoe? Are you only supposed to wear one or something?"

"No, dear, it's a tunic and hat."

Link was still looking at the hat. "How am I supposed to fit in there?"

"Look, Link! Is that a Purple Rupee on the wall?" Grandma shouted, pointing to the wall.

"What? Where? I don-" Link was suddenly out cold on the floor. When he came to, he was wearing his Hero's Clothes properly. "These are itchy!"

Grandma was still trying to find a place to hide the bat. "You only have to wear them for a day. Now go see Aryll to get your birthday present."

"Present? Not presentS?"

"No more backsass or I'm hitting you with a blade of grass!"

"EEEEEEEK!" Link ran out like a person who had been threatened with a blade of grass. He was stopped by Sturgeon on the way.

"Hey, Linkem, hold L on your controller to L-Target me, then press the A button!"

"What controller are you talking about?"

"No, I'm talking to the person playing the game!"

"What game?"

Sturgeon knows too much! The package must be delivered to the watchtower! Mayday! Mayday! Zero-niner!

A brick then fell out of the sky and smacked into Sturgeon's head. Not that anyone would have trouble aiming at Sturgeon.

"Oy!" Aryll announced upon the arrival of Link.

"I've told you, my name is not Oy!"

"Close your eyes so I can give you your present!"

"I will not stand for any present! I demand a gift!"

"Ta-da!" Ta-da'ed Aryll. "You can have my telescope for a day!"

"Why only a day?"

"'Cause I need it!"

"Name one time where you needed your telescope."

"Zill said he would give me a rupee if I let him have it for a day."

"Whatever."

"Hey, Oy! Look through it at the red mailbox!"

"What's a mailbox? And while I'm at it, what's red?"

"Don't milk it, Oy."

"Alright, alright. Wow, it looks like somebody took a really big crap next to it."

"That's the mailman, idiot!"

"The mailman's a crap?"

"OH MY GOSH! LOOK IN THE SKY!"

"But I'm still looking at the crap!"

"JUST DO IT, FOO!"

"OKAY, OKAY! Whoa, look at that bird! It's huge! He probably crapped the mailman!"

"But he's carrying a girl!"

"I'll go save her, for this chapter is getting too long!"

Aryll seemed genuinely confused. "What chapter?"

Link knows too much! The package must rescue the girl! Mayday! Mayday! Zero-niner!

Link IS the package, dumfart!

Oh, right. Well Aryll knows too much! Get her!

Some one then hit Aryll with a brick.

"Well, I'll need a sword to cut down the ferocious flesh-eating trees that block the path...I think I'll go and find one!", Link both brilliantly and idiotically deduced something at the same time.

Later, in Orca's House

"Hey! I found a sword! I think I'll take it!" Link then took the Hero's Sword right from under Orca's nose, instead of getting the chainsaw, missile launcher, semi-automatic Colt .45 Magnum pistol, or wet spaghetti noodle.

Later, near the Ferocious Flesh-Eating Trees that Block the Path

"Back, you ferocious flesh-eating scoundrels that block the path!"

The trees were thoroughly terrified. "Mucousy metal! Run for it!" Uprooting themselves, they ran strait through the solid rock in search of tissues.

"Mucous?" Link looked at his sword and realized that he never wiped Orca's boogers off of it. "Eeeeeewwwwwww, nasty! That's just gross! What a sick world we live in!", Link complained. He decided to comfort himself with a Crap-on-a-Stick, accompanied by a yellow slushie.

Upon scaling the not-so-mountainous mountain, Link was about to cross the bridge when he noticed a sign that talked about life insurance from Colonial Penn. There was also another sign next to it that said the bridge was out.

"Hm...this bridge is rather large, and rather broken...how will I ever get over there?"

Several Hours Later

Link had amazingly produced a pair of wings, using wax and grass. He had a spare pair, which he gave to a pig.

"Now, Icarus! I mean Piggy! Flap your arms and fly! But do not fly too high, for your wax will melt, or too low, for the wax will soften and fall apart."

Throwing Piggy off the cliff, Link flew over to the other side with ease. Piggy, however, kept flying higher and higher.

"No, Icarus! I MEAN PIGGY! Why do I keep saying that? Fly lower, fly lower!" But Piggy did not listen. The wax seemed to soften, feathers started to drif-

Link was not that interested anyway, so he strolled into the forest. But lo and behold...A BOKOBLIN!

Mr. Blin charged towards Link, who was wielding the Snotty Sword.

"OOOOH, BOOGERS!", Blinny shouted. "MINE!" Mr. Blin almost ate the sword, and ended up stabbing himself in the mouth.

Now Link had a Saliva Sword, which would prove futile against his next challenge...two bokoblins!

Actually, the forest was empty, but two nearsighted kargaroks flew in with bokoblins in tow. One dude landed roughly ten feet from Link, while the other didn't even make it to the mountain.

"Beware my unbelievable power!", the new bokoblin screamed, and with that, started a slap fight with Link.

Link just pulled out his sword and started slicing the bokoblin. The guy seemed very tough.

"Why isn't he dead yet? And why do my hands hurt?"

In reality, Link was not slicing, but whacking the bokoblin with the handle of the sword. He was holding the blade.

"What? Oh, thanks!" He easily beat the bokoblin into a pulp.

Don't mention it.

"Wait a minute, who are you?"

Link knows too much! The pack-

There was the distinct sound of a brick hitting a disembodied...body.

The mountain suddenly shook with the intensity of something really intense.

Some girl had fallen off a tree.

"Hey, lady! Are you all right?", Link inquired.

The young girl looked like she was fine.

"I'm fine."

"You must've been really fat to make the mountain shake like that."

"I'm not fat!"

"You're not phat?"

"No, I'm not fat!"

"That's just what I said!"

"I'm saying that I'm not fat, not phat!"

"That's an oxymoron!"

"You're an oxymoron!"

"Spell oxymoron!"

"O-K-S-E...MORON!"

"Miss! Miss Tetra!"

"Hey, how do you know my name?"

"It's not me, it's that wimpy looking pirate over there."

True to Link's words, a wimpy looking pirate ran over to Link and Tetra.

"Oh, Miss Tetra, when-HEY HEY HEY! I'M NOT WIMPY!", yelled Wimpy. "And my name isn't Wimpy, it's Gonzo!"

"I like Wimpy better.", Link announced.

Tetra agreed with him. "I agree with you."

Wimpy sighed exasperatedly. "WHATEVER! But when the big bird dropped you on this summit-"

"This isn't a mountain! It's more like a super-duper hill. A mountainette-ette, if you please.", Tetra corrected.

"Big Bird dropped you on this mountainette-ette?" This comment, of course came from Link.

Ignoring the island idiot, Tetra and Wimpy rushed out of the forest. "We need to repay Big Bird!"

Link followed them, as he had nothing to do.

Link emerged into the bright, sunny day. Tetra and Wimpy were just standing there, doing nothing in particular. Aryll was on the other side of the bridge.

"OYYYYYYY!"

"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!"

"WHAT!"

"GET OVER HERE SO YOU CAN HEAR ME SAYING 'WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT'!"

Aryll probably didn't even hear him, but started to cross the bridge anyway. And then...Piggy swooped through the air and kidnapped Aryll. Then the Helmaroc King swooped through the air and kidnapped Piggy kidnapping Aryll.

"OYYYYYYYYYY!"

"MY NAME IS NOT OYYYYYYYYYY!"

"OINK OINK OINK!"

Later, by the Docks

"SAY WHAT!", say whatted Tetra.

"What!", said Link.

"No, I mean you want to come on our pirate ship?"

"Well, I was fully prepared to take one of those canoes on the beach and paddle there, but sure, I'll come!"

"No way!"

"Actually, I don't think it would be too unreasonable blah blah blah yappety yap!"

The Rito postman, Quill, was reminiscent of Link's algebra professor in the manner of how he droned on.

"Hey, it's the really big crap!"

"Boring boring drone dribble yap blah blah yap!"

Tetra could stand no more. "ALL RIGHT! I'll let him on if you shut up and he can find a shield!"

Link could stand no more either. "WHY MUST I DO EVERYTHING! WORMHOLE!"

A handy wormhole deposited the Hero's Shield and a severed hand near Link.

Next Chapter: Snow Fat and the Six Idiots

Brain...hurts...will update after 5 reviews...think I pressed Enter too many times...