The Untold Story
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Katharina: Asses are made to bear, and so are you.
Petruchio: Women are made to bear, and so are you.
The Taming if the Shrew, Act II, Scene i
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"WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN US?" demanded Sirius, bursting into Severus's office.
"Please turn off your caps lock," Severus answered coolly. "Now, what did you expect me to warn you about?"
"I just got back from the hospital. Remus nearly bled to death! They say he'll be in bed for weeks even after the bones knit!"
Sirius looked ready to explode, and for a Wizard that was a legitimate worry. Severus didn't relish the thought of scraping half-baked animagus off his walls even with magical help. Then again, the house elves would take care of that…
"And how is this my problem?" asked Severus.
"You made the potion!" shouted Sirius. "You had to know what could happen!"
"I did," agreed Severus, "And I wrote all the possible effects on the label."
"Like anyone could read your handwriting!" snapped Sirius. "You should have SAID something."
"You didn't ask."
"This is no joking matter, Severus! Do you realize if we were Muggles, he'd probably need a colostomy bag for the rest of his life?"
"Sirius, if you were Muggles, he wouldn't have been in that condition to begin with."
"I – YOU – THAT'S –" Sirius sputtered.
"Please, watch the caps lock," Severus reminded him.
"Look here, Remus's pelvis is shattered! He may never be able to have any more children!"
"He couldn't have children in the first place," Severus pointed out. "That's why you came to me for that Empreg potion. Impervius," he added, as Sirius's head exploded.