I'm slow, I know, but I'm tryin', I'm tryin'! Responses!

Knuckles Spyro Fox Link Zidane Sora Artemis-Yup, wormholes. Ah, Full Metal Alchemist, that's an...okay show. The opening sequence is really embarrasing to be around, but the storyline is good. Don't get your hopes up on Link Elric, though, you won't see any of that anymore. Well, maybe in a later chapter.

lil-dragon-blue-One of the seven reviews...you make it sound like "the talismans of power" and they will unleash a wholly awesome force upon the Earth...or it could be the seven sages.. And I never commented on your Deviant Art...so...you're friggin' awesome! Although I would have to tell that to everyone, since I am a lemon in drawing. Your heaven or hell? picture would probably top my best.

Ril-0-Pardon my French, but what the crap are you talking about? You did not say what? I got a review from you on Chapter 2 about how I had twenty reviews and still hadn't updated, AND it was signed, AND both links lead to the same page! Tell me what you're talking about, then throw the WTFs at me. If you're talking about this section right here, they're the responses. I'm talking to you here.

Gamer21-I'm not even going to ask.

KirbyXtreme-It's okay. I've got another reviewer who doesn't have the game.

Mecha Scorpion-The platform and ropes challenge: step on a switch. A bunch of platforms rise up from the floor. You can jump to the first one, but the next platform is too far away. To solve this, you jump onto a lantern on a rope that's suspended from the ceiling and swing over. If you take too long, the platforms fall back to the ground and you have to start over. The whole Alchemy thing was a joke, you probably won't be seeing any more of that. As for the black holes and wormholes, they're something you'll have to get used to...at least one wormhole per chapter! By the way, I meant seven reviews on chapter three. Yeah, I guess it is cheap... :'( But you're the sixth review! Plus, the reviews were flooding in for Chapter Three, I had to up the goal!

Yami no Megumi-Thanks! Sorry about the slowness.

Brittanga-Yeah, Link pretty much just sits there for a couple of seconds before realizing he's in a barrel, and then starts doing that weird wriggle around thing.

TempleMaster17-More mechanics! Yay! And a good review! YESSS! Do the victory dance! I'm good, I'm goo-uh, I mean, well, of course I got a good review. I'm just cool like that.

Nega Link-O-kay...

"Leave luck to heaven" or "in heaven's hands" is pretty much what Ninten stands for. Do is often added to the end of the name of a Japanese company. While on the subject, The Legend of Zelda franchise is owned by Nintendo.

Chapter 4: The Prime Minister of Green Giraffes

Link awoke to much soreness, confusion, and bookmarks. Yes, bookmarks seemed to be raining from the sky, which had decided to transfrom into a water bottle.

He was sitting in a finely crafted red boat, with a fearsome carved lion head on the bow.

"Link...get up...Link...wake yourself up, man!"

Link could find no source of any such voice, but the lion head actually turned around and started talking to him. He could not hear the boat, but it still talked on, oblivious to the floating chair whacking his head. Deciding to take in his surroundings, he spotted Sesshomaru from Inuyasha. "What the heck are you doing here!"

The demon, no longer seeming to be interested in attaining the Tessaiga, looked at Link. "I am afraid, my dear quasimoto, that you are a blithering idiot. Stay in school!" With that, he exploded into cotton candy that tasted like razor blades.

Looking to his other side, Link saw...Bob Dole! "Bob Dole also thinks you're a quasimoto. But Bob Dole likes you. So Bob Dole will support you. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole." He kept repeating his name until he fell asleep.

The strange talking boat had a pained look on his face. "Still suffering from that concussion...another nine hours of obnoxious snoring." Link fell back asleep, just as the boat complained.

Nine Hours Later

Link awoke to soreness and confusion, this time without bookmarks, Sesshomaru and Bob Dole.

The boat turned around again and started speaking, the only difference being that Link could hear him now.

"Greetings-" Before could put in another word, Link started to freak out.

"WHAT THE HECK! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HALLUCINATION!"

"Not surprisingly, you are shocked. Of all the boats in the world, I am the only one that speaks the words of men-"

Link was apparently intent on interrupting and questioning the boat. "The words of men? Couldn't you just say 'the words'? What, are there words of boats?"

"Why yes, we speak through those creaks you silly people think are just normal. Allow me to introduce myself."

"No, I don't allow you."

"I am the Prime Minister of Green Giraffes."

"How is that name accurate when you're red?"

"Well, I got a new paintjob, and I was going to change it..."

"I can help you find a new one!"

"You will?"

"Sure!"

Several Hours Later

"How about Rosebud?" The Prime Minister suggested.

"Naw, that's a sled," replied Link, who was holding a very large book labeled Every Name for Inanimate Objects That's Been Used in History and Then Some.

"Aha! The S.S. More Powerful than Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and The Incredible Hulk Put Together!

"Inpossible as it sounds, it's taken!"

"Hmmm...The King of Red Lions?"

Link started hacking like he was about to cough up a lung. "Blech! Ye-COUGH! That's terrible! I couldn't think up a worse name myself, but since there are no other unused names, I guess it will do."

"Excellent! I am the King of Red Lions! Now, as to why I am here...to sum things up, corn on the cob. No wait, that's the Maize Palace summary. Well, just go get me a sail."

"Why?"

"So I can move."

"Why?"

"So we can go save your sister."

"Why?"

"Because the Helmaroc King is evil."

"Why?"

"Because he was born into an evil family."

"Why?"

"Well, you see, when two Helmarocs love each other very much-"

"Ew, I don't wanna hear that! Promise to shut up and I'll get it! Geez!" Link stormed off with a face of disgust.

King leaned (or floated) back and smirked at his own cleverness. He had known Link was a simpleton the moment he started mumbling about quasimotos...

Elsewhere on Windfall Island (the island that Link and King are on), Link was having some very strange problems. Some rich dude had made him pay 80 Rupees, blaming him for smashing some really shiny, expensive pots when they actually fell into a wormhole. A kooky scientist started to ramble on about the sound "Choo-Choo" and how it could make regenerative potions. He saw a fat dude in an Elvis suit (WRONG WRONG WRONG), who called himself Tott. He danced around, trying to figure out how to-

Cutting him off, Link headed into a building. Upon entering it, it seemed to be a sort of jail cell, with a fruity elfish guy inside.

"Hmmmmmmmm! Green clothes? Green hat? Hair as transparent as a plastic bag? Sir, you must be a fairy!" the dumb Elf proclaimed.

"Actually, I'm a-"

"Quick! Mr. Fairy, use your Alchemy and get me out of here!"

"Alchemy? What's that?" Link apparently had no recall of Chapter 3.

"Ummm...step on the magic switch, Mr. Fairy!"

"Why should I?"

"It is vital to the safety of the completion of the game that you let me out!"

"Game?"

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! ZERO-NINER!

A powerful plothole appeared, altering history until Link had no idea he was in a game/fanfiction, Tingle the fruity elfish guy had never been put in the cell, and Ronald McDonald became the president of the Confederate States of America in 1861.

Link was plainly dropped right in front of Shop Master Zunari's jacuzzi. A couple feet away, Zunari's shop could be seen.

Zunari, who was some sort of creepy Eskimo with ponytails hidden under his huge jacket, welcomed Link with open arms. Link got down to business, not returning the offered hug. "I don't care whether you have Choo-Choo Potions or not, I want a sail!

"I come from a place called Parts Unknown...as I journeyed to Free Country U.S.A., a storm attacked me...but the Cheat could do nothing about it. All of my worldly posessions were destroyed, but mysteriously, that survived. I came here in the hopes of starting a successful business and having the Cheat steal from the competitors, but I need some starting fees...I am willing to sell that for a mere four red Rupees. Or, I could accept eight yellow Rupees. Sixteen blue Rupees would be nice, but eighty green Rupees would be overkill...you could give me a purple Rupee, a red Rupee, and a yellow Rupee, but-"

"ENOUGH! JUST TAKE AN ORANGE ONE!"

Zunari, having been trained by the infamous Chet Rippo, knew not to give any change, and if possible, not give the product either. But he gave Link a shiny...er, soft, new Sail!

"A sail! Just what I've always wanted as of twenty minutes!" Link's eyes gleamed as he looked over the sail.

"Enjoy it! It is the best sail in the world, as it will never tear, sustain a fire, rot, get eaten by moths, or come undone, plus it is 100 efficient in water and is wormhole-proof! It's even certified by the National Stupid People Who Set Up a Sail Organization Organization!"

"Oh, that's great. I've always wanted to have Sail for dinner, I've heard their fibers are good for the medulla oblongata."

"That's just bull!"

"Yeah, well, you started it."

Ignoring the nuclear reactions around Zunari's head as his brain imploded, Link strolled back to the cove where King was.

"Excellent," said King, "you have found a sail. Ooh, it's even certified by the N.S.P.W.S.U.S.O.O.!

"But where are we going?"

"An island two sectors away...the people that inhabit it can soar in the skies, and we must attain a pearl there..."

"For a necklace?"

"No...I can't reveal it to you just yet...quickly, Link! A westerly wind blows! Let it carry us to the east!"

Link climbed into the King of Red Lions and they sailed off into the distance.

Next Chapter: Crouching Tiger, Fatass Dragon

I made good time on this one...at least for me. Gotta love those discreet references. But don't you dare say I spelled Tessaiga wrong, or I'll throw a finely thought-out paragraph at you. Read and review!