Emptiness, a general hospital fanfic

Disclaimer: I dont own General Hospital ABC does and as far as this song goes Natalie sings it but if she owns it I have no fuh-reaking idea so no suing please!

A/N: This is Nikolas thinking about the blonde that forever changed his life because NiCo so rocked and I dont care if you want to admit it or not but you know they were hot and steamy!

There's some things that I feel that really just ain't my style

He sat there looking at the little miracle they created. The love of his life gave her life for his and how could you not love her for that? She had such a great heart yet people never took the time to realize it. They just went on what they thought which wasnt true and he knew it. Never in a million years could he miss somebody so much.

(Even though it hurts, you gotta make it work baby)
This emptiness that I feel is gonna be here a while
(Something kinda strange, gotta go away baby)
This emptiness that I feel, it really just ain't my style
(Even though it hurts, you gotta make it work baby)

He let a tear escape his right eye as his son slept peacefully in his arm. As much as he wanted her right here with him right now he couldn't think what might have been because it hurt to much. His life was now all devoted into this child she left behind for him to raise alone. Not once did kids ever cross his mind until he met her.

It's hard to believe, you're not here with me
Where will I go, where will I be
Less without you, you were my dreams
Better move on, as hard as it seems

He dreamed about her everyday and the life they could be living right now. Some nights were different though. He thought about the day she gave birth and passed away. How the words "I love you." barely escaped her lips and the feeling of her being gone forever.

I try to tell myself forget the past
I think that I'm losing my mind 'cause you ain't coming back
I gotta play it right, keep it cool, keep control
I'm tryin all this time to let you go

Everyday was a struggle. On one hand he had to remain strong for his son while the other part just wanted to break down in tears for the women he had lost. The love of his life. He didn't see this one year ago but then again he didn't see himself loving anybody else except of Emily but he did. He was head over heels for her and hanging off a cliff by just a thread.

I miss you and I want you
I really gotta have you, one more time
I love you and I need you
I really gotta have you, one more time

He took a deep breath. He eyes were still looking down on his son. He spend most of his spare time with him telling him all sorts of stories about Courtney. Even though they weren't together for very long he couldn't have loved her anymore then he does.

This emptiness that I feel is gonna be here a while
(Something kinda strange, gotta go away baby)
This emptiness that I feel, it really just ain't my style
(Even though it hurts, you gotta make it work baby)

He never thought he could care so much for another person especially since he's a Cassidine but damn it wasnt something about that blonde, blue eye beauty that had his heart the very first night on the docks and every since then she resided in his heart.

I miss you and I want you
I really gotta have you, one more time

"I miss your mommy little guy." He said as the baby finally opened his eyes from his dreams. The baby just smiled at him. "Yeah you miss her too huh?" Nikolas asked him as the baby just coo at his daddy who was smiling at him. How could he not smile at this miracle?

The harder I try, the deeper I sink
But love has me blind, I can't even think
It's only a while, then it will leave
And then I'll move on, this really ain't me

"You mom had me crazy for her and then one day she left me." He said as the baby gave him a strange look. " Yeah daddy made some mistakes in his past and I wish I could take them all back but the one thing I would never take back was loving you mother as much as I did and creating you." Nikolas said looking at the baby who was always happy.

Whatever am I gonna do
You got me stressin' over losin' you
Gotta keep it right, keep it cool, keep control
Tryin' all the time to let you go

"We'll get through this together huh?" Nikolas said looking at his little prince that he created. "I'll let you be the strong one because to tell you the truth I dont think I can anymore." Nikolas said as the baby cooed. "If I didn't have you to tell you the truth I would be completely lost without your mom." He said as another tear slid down his cheek. He wasnt afraid to show his son emotion.

I love you and I need you
I really gotta have you, one more time
(One more time)

"I love you and even though I wont be able to get the past three months back Im going to make sure that as long as I live Im going to make everyday count I promise." Nikolas said as the baby yawned. "Tired already are we? You just woke up. Just like your mother. Wake up and is ready for bed again." He said as he shook his head and got up from the chair to take the baby to his bassinet. THats where he spent most of his nights if he wasnt in his fathers bed with him. He hardly ever slept in his crib. The bassinet was placed right beside his daddy's bed.

He placed the baby down and fixed the picture beside it. It was a picture of his mama and dad before she started showing. "I love you and your mother loved you more then anybody ever could and never forget that." Nikolas told the baby practically in a whisper. He kissed his forehead which is something he did frequently.

There's emptiness in the way you makin' me feel
Is it real, do I wanna continue lovin' you still
Here's the deal, Do I hang on to something that's been killed
Or move on and stay strong and continue to walk uphill
But I will always own them movies in my mind
But until, it's gonna take all of me all of the time to unwind
Forget about what we had in the lies
I was blind before but now you're gonna be fine

He walked over to his bed and sat down. All the times that they made love in this bed played in his head. The one that stuck out the most was their first time. The night that their miracle baby was conceived on. He remember kissing up her leg and telling her that they could finally be together and that was just the beginning of the two of them.

He climbed into his lonely bed. It had been that way for a while now with out her. The only time it wasnt was when his son was laying with him. He would have let him laid with him that night but tonight he wanted to cry. All the emotions he had he wanted to let em all go. He missed her so much and could see why god wanted her but the devil should have taken Jax instead is what Nikolas thought. Courtney's life was just getting started and yet she had so much to live for. "Another time. Another place is what we always said huh baby?" He said looking up at his ceiling as he slowly drifted to sleep.

A/N: Alright so I didn't have enough guts to say the J word but what ever I dont really care. I hope you liked it though. I think everybody needs a little NiCo only the greatest couple ever! So since you read it review it by hitting the little button on the left side of the screen. All is welcomed! Thanks!