Author Note: Before this chapter begins I feel I must say what part of the books I am keeping and getting rid of in this story - everything is completely the same up to the end of book 5, so everything with the occlumency with Snape is true, and the prophecy is also true. Horcruxes do not exist in this story, as I didn't want Harry having to leave for a year to go and find them alone, as then what's the point in the marriage! In regards to book six, Snape still taught potions as there was no need for Slughorn to come to Hogwarts as Dumbledore didn't need to find out about the Horcruxes.

Thank you everyone for reading, I do hope you're still enjoying it! Any romance is still a long way off yet, but they're getting there - at least now they can be in the same room together and have a normal conversation! Anyway thanks for reading again!

S L x

The grass was green and soft where Harry sat. The gentle breeze drifted through his hair and made the grass blades tickle his fingers. He leaned back slightly on his hands and stretched out his legs enjoying the rather pleasant day.

The Hogwarts lake looked so inviting today, the heat was immense and Harry was sure he could feel his arms burning in the sun. The water looked crystal clear and smooth. Gentle laps of water drifting in and out, hitting the sides gently. If it wasn't for the giant squid, the merpeople, and the numerous other things in that lake that could kill Harry, he would have been tempted to go for a swim to cool himself down.

He shut his eyes and leaned back, till he eventually felt the grass tickling his ear as he lay silently on the grass, listening to the calm water rippling with the little wind there was today. He had never felt more relaxed in his life. He was only marginally aware of footsteps coming from behind him, but he wasn't worried, he knew he was safe. After all, he was at Hogwarts.

"Hello, Harry." The voice was familiar, but not one Harry had heard for a long time.

With a start, he sat upright and turned around to glance at who was speaking.

"Sirius?" Harry asked in pure disbelief. He stumbled to his feet, eyes darting frantically to take the man all in.

"You've grown," Sirius stated.

"What… What are you doing here?" Harry asked in disbelief. He hadn't seen Sirius in years and for some reason, he couldn't put his finger on why. He looked haggard, and much like Harry had seen him in his third year. He wore torn up clothes, his hair looked like it hadn't been washed or brushed in years and although he was standing calmly his eyes held a craziness behind them.

"To see you of course" Sirius replied. His voice was hoarse and quiet. A small trickle of blood ran from his nose.

"Your nose is bleeding" Harry pointed out, moving slowly towards his godfather.

"Well, of course, Harry, I've been dead for over a year, I can't look perfect," Sirius said, smirking slowly before vanishing immediately into a hard expression.

Then Harry knew this wasn't real. Sirius had been dead for just over a year now, he hadn't seen him since that night at the ministry and he would never see him again. He suddenly felt desperately sad.

"I miss you, Sirius," Harry said, moving even closer to him.

"It's your fault," Sirius replied, not taking his eyes off Harry.

Harry stopped in his tracks.

"What?" Harry mumbled.

"It's your fault you miss me," Sirius replied. His nose still bled, scarlet blood trickling down now past his mouth.

"I don't understand?" Harry said quietly.

"I'm dead because of you. You killed me harry. You killed me and you don't even feel guilty about it." Sneered Sirius. His eyes were dangerous now, the craziness Harry had seen a few moments ago now replaced with anger and rage.

"Sirius, what are you saying?"

"It's all your fault I'm dead. I never got to have my own family, never got to get married, never got to see you grow up, I can never see Remus again, never see the moon, the stars, and the sun, and it's all because of you." Sirius was starting to shake with anger.

Harry felt his eyes prickle with tears. He knew that Sirius got denied a life because of him. He had died trying to save Harry, he had tried trying to help.

"Sirius no, I mean I know I could have tried-" Harry began.

"You didn't try to learn Occlumency, if you had I wouldn't be dead." Sirius interrupted immediately.

Harry started to say something, but nothing came out. He realized that was completely true. If he had learned and not angered Severus so much he would have learned and Sirius would still be alive. But he and Severus hated each other 2 years ago, it was never going to work, if it had been now it would have been awful still but at least he would have been able.

"And now look at you, married to the person I hated most in my life, the nasty, spiteful, horrible man." Sirius spat out, edging closer and closer to Harry as he spoke. Eyes venomous and angry.

"No Sirius he's not that bad he's not how you remember him" Harry spluttered out, moving backward as Sirius came towards him. This man was not Sirius. This man scared him and Sirius would never have scared him like this. Sirius loved him.

"So what you stand up for him but not for me? Tell me if the roles were reversed would you have tried harder to save him? Would you have tried harder to learn the one thing you needed to save him?" Sirius was closer to Harry now, and Harry could see the lines of torment and age showing on his face. The smile he remembered Sirius for, the happy grin he possessed belonged to a different man.

"Sirius I tried, I tried so hard and every day I miss and regret losing you," Harry said, tears now flowing freely down his face.

"How do you live with yourself, killing all those people? Every life lost for this war is because of you. If you just gave yourself to Voldemort, think of how many people would survive, but you only care about yourself. Well yourself and slimy Severus." Sirius' voice was raised and was now standing so close to Harry that he could see individual hairs of stubble on his chin.

"Please, Sirius, don't."

"Did you ever care, I've been gone for over a year and you barely even think of me anymore. Did you even cry when I died, or just happy I was gone so you could get your hands on him and knew I wouldn't protest?" Sirius screamed at Harry, who was standing rigged, tears now streaming down his face.

"No!" Harry shouted back at his godfather.

"The world would be better off without you" Sirius whispered menacingly to Harry.

Harry bolted upright, eyes wide open and now wide awake. His breath erratic, his face was wet, and the tears would not stop flowing. It occurred to him he had never been awake in this room when Severus was still asleep and tried desperately to calm himself down to not wake the man who was sleeping silently next to him. But the tears would not stop, and the guilt and grief, which he had been hiding for over a year came rushing through him. He could not hold it in any longer, and suddenly desperate sobs escaped from his mouth.

Severus was dreaming too. This was now a rare occurrence, he hadn't had a dream in a very long time, especially not one which wasn't about the dead or destruction. He was on a boat, not a small one, but not one which could fit more than a handful of people on it. He didn't know what ocean he was in or where he was, but all he knew was it was calm. The waves crashed gently towards the boat, and he rocked back and forth looking out to the horizon. Salt and wind caught in his hair and clothes. He could smell the saltiness from the sea.

He held his hand on the railing of the boat as it rocked side to side. Sapphire blue in every direction he could see.

Suddenly the wind picked up. The boat became unsteady and rocky. Severus found himself gripping tighter and tighter onto the rails as the boat rocked back and forth. In the distance, there was screaming. Familiar screaming, which was getting louder and louder.

The sky above him had now turned an alarming shade of grey and the waves now screamed as they banged against the side of the boat. Severus found himself glancing around furiously waiting for an attack, and suddenly he knew who the screaming belonged to.

Blinking, he opened his eyes and within seconds he was wide awake. The screaming was coming from the body next to him, although it was now no longer a scream more a desperate cry of sobs.

Sitting up unbearably quickly and turning to Harry, Severus grabbed him by one arm on his shoulder. It was not a hard grab, instead, it was a comforting gesture, well that's what Severus hoped it was.

Harry was sitting upright in bed, his knees up against his chest, and his head facing down.

Severus had never seen him look so small. This man who fought battles every year, who was unbelievably strong, physically and magically, here he looked broken and devastated. Tears flowed from his face and his breathing was erratic.

"Harry, what's happened?" Severus asked, desperation in his voice.

Instead of answering him, Harry shook off the hand on his shoulder, lowered his legs so they were flat, and swung himself out of the bed, heading towards the living room, grabbing his glasses on the way.

He would not allow Severus to see him like this. He wanted Remus. He didn't want to be patronized and ridiculed. He would never hear the end of this.

He tried to calm himself down, but suddenly all the grief that he had been hiding away for years rushed through him like a wave and it was uncontrollable. He could not believe how much he missed Sirius, and he also could not believe how much of what he said had been true. It was all his fault if he had just given himself up how many people would still be alive. How many more people were going to die because of him. He couldn't take it anymore.

He needed Remus.

He stood by the door of the bedroom, tears still streaming down his face. He was shivering and cold.

The door of the bedroom opened slightly and Harry turned around. He did not want to be seen by Severus right now. This man was brave and he wouldn't let something as silly as a dream make him act like this.

"Harry?" It was freezing in the living room and Severus was glad he had put on his dressing-gown before leaving the bedroom. He had always been awful at comforting people and looking at this distraught young man he had no idea how to help him. He also knew that he was probably the last person Harry wanted to see right now. He thought about touching his shoulder again, but the way he had reacted in the bedroom he thought against it.

"It's all my fault," Harry whispered between sobs.

"What is?" Severus replied in disbelief. He hoped for the life of him he wasn't going to say anything to do with the dark lord. He did not want to explain to Harry that none of this was his fault at 3 in the morning.

"It's all my fault that Sirius died." Harry put his back on the wall and slid down it slowly. He held his knees again in very much the same position as Severus had found him when he woke up.

"No, it is not," Severus said firmly, watching this young man crumble before him.

Severus knew what he was watching here was a very strong relapse of grief. Grief sneaks up on people at the oddest of times and suddenly it engulfs you. Severus knew that from getting bursts of it. Grief destroys you.

"What happened to Black was a horrible consequence of a battle, of a war that we are still fighting." Severus continued. "You did not kill Black, Bellatrix did, and do not mistake that for you having any part of it," He said calmly, he thought again about reaching out, but instantly thought against it.

"Please just go away." Harry wept.

"I will not leave you alone like this. Grief is the worst kind of pain." Severus said and this time he knelt so they were eye height.

Harry did not lift his head out of his knees to look at Severus but he was aware he was there. He did not want him seeing him like this. Severus was always so brave and courageous, he was sure nothing like this had ever happened to him, he had suffered so much worse and you never saw him emotional about anything. Harry needed to be more like him, not this weak thing he was at the moment.

"I really want to see Remus." He whispered out, between half sobs.

Severus thought for a moment. He really was the worst at comfort, and he really didn't want to see Harry like this and he definitely couldn't leave him alone. He wasn't completely heartless, contrary to popular belief. He tenderly put his hand on his shoulder. The boy was absolutely freezing.

"I will go get Lupin for you," Severus said calmly, letting go of Harry's shoulder and standing up. He stood up, and did something very uncharacteristically of him, he held his hand out for him. "I don't think you should be on the floor when Lupin arrives," Severus said matter of factly.

Harry glanced up at the hand. His cheeks stained with tears and his eyes red and puffy. He was shivering terribly. He didn't dare look Severus in the face. He knew how embarrassed he would be about this tomorrow morning, he was already starting to feel ashamed even now, yet still, he couldn't control the tears and the way his body reacted to this horrible grief.

Harry nodded his head and for the first time looked up to meet Severus' eye expecting to see disgust and disappointment in them, when he met them instead all he saw was worry and concern. He knew instantly he would not think differently of him for this. He was a human being who had lost a lot of people in his life.

He sighed and tried to breathe deeply, the tears were not as prominent anymore, but still, he was shaking. He took hold of Severus' hand and was marginally aware that this was the first time he had held his husband's hand, and would properly be the only time he would ever do so. Severus was not one to show affection.

Severus pulled him up and waited for a fraction, releasing hands as soon as Harry was steady on his feet. He was still shivering. Severus took off his dressing-gown and gave it to Harry.

"Put this on. You're freezing," he said.

Harry eagerly took it and wrapped it around him. It smelt like Severus, not unpleasant, but he had never had his scent this close to him. He smelt like sea salt and earl grey tea.

"Go sit, try and calm yourself and I will floo Lupin," Severus said, turning his back on Harry to walk over to the fire. He also made a mental note to himself to put the fire on as soon as he had flooded Lupin to heat the room.

Harry had no other choice but to watch Severus. His shivers had stopped and had turned into a dull tremor, but he still felt cold inside. Cold and distraught. He had never seen Severus in anything other than teaching robes or the trousers and shirts he sported while at home. He could see the dark mark on his left arm glistening in the low light of the living room, and it looked like it had some sort of water over it. Harry wondered what it was but knew that would be a conversation for another day. He had also never seen the man with just a top and pajama bottoms on. He was a man in the prime of his life, healthy build and strong muscles showed around his forearms. Harry closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the sofa. He hurt.

Severus stuck his head into the green flames as Remus jumped up out of his bed instantly, squinting to see who it was. Severus could tell Remus had been on missions for the past year, he was prepared for an attack always.

"Severus? Merlin! What is it? Is Harry okay?" Remus asked, realizing whose head was in the floo.

"He's had a nightmare, I've tried to calm him but he's asking for you" Severus replied calmly.

"Just give me two seconds and I'll be right there," Remus said, throwing on a jacket he had swung over a chair by his bed.

Severus pulled his head out of the fire and within seconds Remus appeared in the living room.

Harry had visibly calmed down but as soon as he heard Remus in the room, he opened his eyes, and tears immediately started to fall again.

Remus practically ran over to Harry, as Harry stood up and Remus hugged him in a fierce embrace.

"I miss him so much Remus," Harry said into the shoulder of Remus.

"I know kiddo, I know," Remus said, holding Harry tighter. He did not have to ask who Harry was talking about to know what caused this. He missed Sirius every day, and not once had he and Harry spoke about his death. Now he felt it was probably the time.

Severus watched the two embrace, it was such a family moment Severus did not want to intrude. A small part of him ached to be able to be that close to someone, and an even smaller part wished it was Harry. He pushed away that dull ache and looked away too. He did not want to intrude at this moment. Something had obviously not been said between the two and Severus felt they would not want him here at this moment.

"I will leave you two alone" he started to say, walking slowly back to his bedroom. He paused before opening the door, taking one last look at the two, quickly lighting the fire with his wand. "Thank you Lupin" he nodded and opened the door and walked back into his room.

Remus made a small nod in Severus' direction and watched the door close.

"Come on," Remus said, releasing Harry and going to sit on the sofa. Harry followed and sat down next to Remus with a plonk. Remus took a deep breath before he began, watching Harry intently. The boy was silent and looking straight ahead. Grief plain in his eyes. "I know I wasn't there when you needed me after Sirius died, believe me, I know, but if you need to talk about it I'm here now, and I will always be here," Remus said, watching as Harry moved to sit next to him.

"I've tried so hard to push his death to the back of my mind, I try not to think about it every day, and I'm doing fine, and then sometimes I have dreams like this where I feel so guilty for what's happened to him." Harry sniffled.

"I understand." Remus consoled.

"He said it was my fault. It was my fault that he died," Harry said, looking at Remus now, his eyes still brimming with tears. "And Remus I think it's true." He used the back of his hand to quickly wipe away a tear that had fallen, although he didn't see much point as his face was still damp from earlier.

"No Harry and Sirius wouldn't want you feeling like that," Remus replied softly. "That's not the Sirius we knew and loved." He said, a small smile gracing his face.

"If I had just tried harder" Harry began. He wanted to explain to Remus about the occlumency, about how he had put a rivalry with the man he now married before the safety of others. How if anybody else had been teaching him he may have tried harder. Now he just felt extreme guilt.

"Harry, I'm not going to sit here and deny that Sirius didn't die for you, he died because he loved you, and he would die for you 10 times over if it knew that meant you were safe, the same way I would, Ron and Hermione would, and even Severus would." Remus paused for a second before choosing his next words carefully. "The same way you would die for us," he finished.

"I don't want anyone else to die because they love me, I would rather you, Ron, and Hermione just stay out of all of this" Harry said breathlessly.

"Not possible I'm afraid, we're already far too deep in" Remus smiled.

Harry did nothing but sigh.

"And I'll tell you what. There is nowhere else we would rather be and no one else we would rather fight beside." Remus affirmed, putting his hand on Harry's back for support.

Harry smiled back at his friend. Remus was the closest thing to family he had and felt so lucky to even have him.

"Harry, grief is the most emotionally painful thing anyone ever has to deal with, but do not confuse grief with guilt. It is not the same, and this is in no way your fault." Remus insisted.

"Do you miss him?" Harry asked him.

"Every day" Remus began. "But I also miss James and Lily, and when I was away I missed you. I'm not your dad and I'm not your Godfather, and I can't be here at least one night out of the month, but I'm always here for you." Remus smiled gently. He looked at Harry as Harry looked back at him and rubbed his arm in a fatherly way.

"You don't need to be either of them, you're you, and that's the best thing you could possibly be" Harry sniffed.

Remus smiled gratefully at Harry. He loved his young man as he would have done a son, and he was so glad Harry had not held him responsible for not being here last year.

"I'm glad," Remus put his hands on his thighs and started to rise, "as it's 3 o'clock in the morning, I feel maybe it's time for bed. How about tomorrow you and Severus come for breakfast in my quarters? I would really like to talk to both of you." Remus said rising off of the sofa and standing in front of Harry.

"I'll let him know but I'm not promising anything," Harry said, rising to join Remus. He was so much calmer now but he knew this was not the end of this. Remus would want to make sure he was okay tomorrow and he had some explaining to do to Severus.

"Oh something tells me he'll come if you ask, I'm sure he'll want to make sure you're fine tomorrow," Remus replied.

"Sirius insulted him in my dream too," Harry remarked.

"Sirius would insult him if he were here, in fact, I reckon Sirius would have decided to marry you himself so you wouldn't have to marry him," Remus responded with a smile on his face still.

Although Harry was not happy at the fact he now was married to the potions professor, he felt being married to Sirius would have been worse. At least with the two now there were no emotions between them except dislike if he had had to marry his godfather that would have destroyed any sort of father-like the relationship between the two of them and Harry would have hated that.

"Probably, Good night Remus, thank you for being here," Harry replied, standing up from the sofa and walking over to the door to let Remus out.

"Wouldn't be anywhere else," Remus smiled before closing the door and walking away into the cooling corridor into the night.

Harry closed the door silently and walked back into the room. He turned around to face the room again and knew he would have to go back into the bedroom where undoubtedly Severus would still be awake and he would have to explain to him what happened.

He padded over to the sofa and retrieved the dressing gown. Severus' dressing gown, and picked it up. Without even thinking he held it to his nose and smelt it. Clutching it in his hand he put it down and carried it into the bedroom, hoping that Severus wouldn't have bothered to stay awake, but when he opened the door black eyes met green and he knew he had waited up.

Severus sat on the edge of his side of the bed, in silence, looking at nothing particular on the floor or wall. He wondered if he should have just gone back to bed, but the slight hint of worry was enough to keep him up. Although why he was worried was enough to make him irritated at himself. He had Lupin there, and that was all he needed; he didn't want or need Severus to wait up for him as well. Yet still, he waited and when Harry opened the door Severus was glad he had.

"Sorry," Harry said from the door.

"Do not be sorry for that." Severus insisted.

"Well I'm sorry you had to see it," Harry decided, walking slowly over to the hook next to the wardrobe to hang Severus' dressing gown up. Severus watched him as he went.

"I'm glad I did or you would have been suffering alone" Severus informed Harry.

"Next time just kick me out on the sofa or something," Harry stifled a very small laugh, his back still turned so Severus could not see him.

"I know I'm not the kindest of people," Severus began, "but never assume I would do anything like that to a person who is obviously dealing with a tremendous amount of grief."

He was not completely heartless.

Harry turned around and looked at Severus once more. The man who Harry thought would belittle him and call him a child for acting this way was non-existent. This was someone who understood what grief felt like, he understood this was a normal reaction and he understood what Harry needed right not. Harry all of a sudden felt very grateful to the man sitting on the bed.

"Thank you," was all Harry could bring himself to say.

"I can't do much to help, but if you wish I could make you dreamless sleep to help," Severus said, his eyes following Harry as he began to walk to his side of the bed. Still shivering slightly as he did.

Harry pulled the covers back but a look of worry was etched on his face.

"Uh, No, I don't want to be taking potions for nightmares. I don't get them much anyway." Harry admitted, now climbing into bed beside Severus.

"Which in all honesty I'm surprised about. The number of things you have seen, I'm surprised you don't suffer from them terribly." Severus stood up from the bed and pulled the duvet back, he was surprised at how odd this didn't feel. If someone had said to him 2 weeks ago he would be getting into bed at the same time with Harry Potter and nothing about it had felt strange and he would have thought they were mad, but yet, this felt surprisingly normal.

"I guess I just push everything to the back of my mind." Came Harry's timid reply.

"Well if you do require it please just tell me," Severus insisted.

"Thank you," Harry said, pulling the covers up close to his face.

He was now very aware of the fact that this was the first time he was in bed with Severus, awake at the same time, but yet nothing about this felt awkward or strange.

"We're going to Remus's for breakfast tomorrow," Harry stated, starting up the ceiling. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Severus had turned his head to face him.

"I assume you mean you're going to breakfast tomorrow," Severus corrected him.

"No both of us," Harry stated, now turning his head to look at Severus. He was very aware of how close their faces were, but again no awkwardness came, instead he just stared at his face. He had never been this close to him before. The only thing he realized was how truly dark Severus' eyes were, from afar he would say they were black, but up close they were the most intriguing shade of extremely dark brown. Harry blinked and felt his breath hitch up in his throat. "I would like it if you came too."

Severus was about to say no. He could tolerate Harry now, just. But still, he did not want to spend the morning with him and his werewolf father figure. He opened his mouth to tell Harry but instead was aware of Harry saying something else. A small voice came from his mouth.

"Please."

"I will," Severus vowed. What had happened there. The words no were already formed on his lips, but yet he had agreed. He momentarily cursed himself for being soft. Harry was a man he did not need Severus with him, he could have handled this himself.

"Goodnight Severus," Harry said, now turning completely on his side to face Severus as he let his eyes close.

Severus watched him silently before he two turned on his side facing Harry. He sighed gently, closing his eyes too.

"Goodnight Harry."