Edited in October 2006, you know the drill.
Contains slash (boy hearts and makes love to boy) so yeah. (Shrugs shoulders) It's there. Beware.
Justin sighed and tapped the steering wheel with his knuckles until it became painful. His truck was running on fumes. He drove to the gas station Soda and Steve worked at. He remembered going there with Pony a few times. He was always edgy about explaining why Soda worked rather than finishing high school. Justin never made an issue out of it because he could see dropping the six or seven hour day spent listening to teachers who didn't give a damn lecture about demographics and all the other subjects no adult really cared about after high school.
Justin put his truck in park and noticed it was about time for Soda and Steve to get off. Darry too. Justin sighed at how wonderful it would be to share a quiet, safe place with Darry. Darry made anyplace safe but Justin needed somewhere to call home. Justin got out of his truck and Steve started pumping his gas.
"Don't expect a tip, grease monkey." Justin said. He was almost too distracted to remember that Steve needed reassurance that Justin didn't hate him with a passion. "Wash the windows for me, will ya?" Justin winked and Steve chuckled, waving him towards the convenience store.
"Get out of here you hood. I'll have you arrested for loitering."
Justin went in and saw Soda shuffling around in the candy bar aisle and Darry was leaning on the counter. Justin kept his thoughts away from how those particular jeans fit Darry.
"Hey Short stuff." Darry said, smirking as he looked over his shoulder at Justin. It sounded gruff but Justin knew the gentler set of Darry's eyes and the even gentler headlock that was a façade to pull Justin close. His shoulders were held tight against Darry's chest as Darry tilted his head up for a moment. The look in Darry's eyes communicated the intense desire to lean closer and capture Justin's lips. Justin knew he wasn't the only one in the relationship that missed long nights and late mornings.
Darry released Justin and Justin noticed a thin blonde girl, smiling and using all her feminine guile on Darry. Darry, not Soda and certainly not Justin. Justin was snubbed because she had her sights on Darry and didn't falter when Justin came in. Soda hadn't been much of a distraction either. She had her sights on his Greaser.
"Hey Darry. Get off work early?" Justin asked as Soda hopped back over the counter, glancing around for his nametag and frowning, handing Darry a bottle of Coke.
"Yeah." Darry opened his soda and drank some, sighing. Not quite early enough to get to Justin without talking to the gang and having to think of an excuse to leave.
"I'm glad you got off early. It looks like they work you too hard." The blonde girl said. She was very beautiful but obviously didn't know it since she dressed in a short skirt without a lack of makeup. Her green eyes almost matched Justin's. Justin wondered whether she was taller than him in those heels but refrained from looking too close.
"What's your name?" Justin kept from starting when Darry asked and gave her a less than 'come hither' look (even less than polite). He'd assumed with that kind of stare she knew Darry.
"April." She was smiling and her eyes were wide, brimmed with over drawn mascara.
"It was nice talking to you April but I need to go. I promised Short stuff that I'd help him set up his apartment." Darry sat up, stretching and glanced to Justin. April didn't show any disappointment except in a very well played pout as she handed Darry her number on a receipt. She'd bought Darry his soda. She left before Darry and glanced over her shoulder only to find Darry wasn't watching her.
"She wanted to take you home." Soda said, blinking and showing some concern over Darry's sullen rejection of the girl.
"I didn't want to go to her home." Darry muttered, rolling his eyes. He glanced in Justin's direction and Justin wondered if the clandestine leer was to communicate whose home he wanted to go to.
Justin wandered the candy aisle and Steve came in, sitting on the counter. Steve and Soda rambled and Darry's feigned attention was well warranted since he was really staring at Justin. Justin was stretching to get some M&Ms and the very tip of the rose stem peeked at Darry from under the retreating shirttail. Darry leaned against the counter again and shut his eyes.
He remembered dark glimpses of it against the almost blue glow of Justin's skin in the pure darkness but didn't remember nearly as much as he wanted to. He wanted to know every inch of Justin's skin, tattoo included. He wanted to feel that tattoo to see if it was like the rest of Justin's skin or not.
Darry stopped thinking about tattoos and Justin's skin before it became obvious he needed someone to take him home.
"How much do I owe you for the gas Soda?" Justin put two bags of M&Ms on the counter as well and smiled at Darry, bumping their hips together. Darry glared at him and Justin smiled. A glare in front of the gang was good since it meant Justin was pushing him. The gang thought it was sincere but the only sincerity would be in Darry's grip later that night. Justin was encouraged and elevated that Darry had snubbed a gorgeous blonde girl because Darry loved the dark, green-eyed boy, not the blonde, green-eyed girl.
Justin paid Soda and Darry followed him out. Darry followed Justin to his apartment and stood close, shivering in the doorway right behind Justin as he fumbled with the keys. His thin fingers shook in the cold, struggling with the colder metal keys. Darry pressed his chest to Justin's back and his fingers slid around Justin's, easing the key into the lock. The door clicked and Justin opened it, looking over his shoulder at Darry.
"Thanks." He smiled and Darry gave him a staccato push into the apartment, chuckling.
"You were very cute in the gas station you know?" Darry watched Justin fumble for a light switch and enjoyed the half dark of the early evening. Justin found the switch and grinned at Darry.
"And you weren't? Everyone green eyed in that store wanted a piece of you."
"You were more green eyed than usual." Darry purred, pulling Justin close and letting his hands meet at the small of Justin's back. He wished he could tell exactly where the tattoo was.
"Oh?"
"Yeah. But I know I must've placated the green eyed monster." Darry said, smiling down into Justin's eyes.
"You love the green eyed monster, you mean." Justin said, hanging his arms around Darry's neck.
"That too." Darry kissed Justin and Justin whimpered when Darry took his lips away. Darry took one hand from Justin and retrieved the other green eye's number and crumpled it, tossing it over his shoulder.
"I wasn't really jealous." Justin murmured, rolling his eyes.
"Then why were you wrinkling your forehead, just like you are now?" Darry asked, kissing Justin's forehead.
"I was thinking about your future." Justin said. Darry chuckled.
"What future were you thinking about at a gas station?" Darry asked.
"Yours and I how I changed it. Darry, sit down a minute." Justin gestured to the couch, tossing the M&Ms to the table from his back pocket.
"At least sit down with me if you're going to lecture me Short stuff." Darry said, blinking. He knew Justin wouldn't have sat down otherwise because he was already pacing, his Converse shuffling on the carpet. Justin sat a fair distance from Darry and Darry arched his eyebrow at the smaller boy.
"What?" Darry lunged across the couch and pulled Justin into his lap.
"That's better." Darry said, smiling at the small victory. He could investigate that tattoo now. He slid his fingers under the tail of Justin's shirt and pushed it up.
"I was serious-"
"Give me a minute." Justin shivered as Darry's fingers brushed his back right over the tattoo.
"You've seen my back before." Darry knew Justin was flushing at the scrutiny.
"I've never taken the time to explore the tattoo." Darry said.
"I didn't think you'd like it." Justin said, feeling suddenly aware of Darry's breath, fingers and gaze. He inclined his head towards Darry as he sat in the older man's lap and blinked.
"Why wouldn't I?" Darry asked. His thumbs pressed the tattoo and Justin felt his muscles relax. Justin blinked.
"I dunno."
"You sound like you do. What does it mean?" Darry asked.
"It's a black rose. It means it's a black rose." Justin said, blinking.
"I meant what does it mean to you? It suits you I just don't know how to explain it." Darry kissed the tattoo and Justin shivered.
"Don't worry about it." Justin said.
"That was avoiding the question if I've ever heard it." Darry kissed the tattoo again, lower on the stem, hands on his waist and his thick fingers curling into Justin's skin in a tight embrace.
"What does a rose usually mean?" Justin prompted.
"Beauty." Darry said.
"Pointless, senseless beauty. An object only valued for beauty. All right. Now what does red symbolize?"
"Red?" Darry asked.
"The typical rose color." Justin said.
"The rose was a stretch. I really have no idea what red means." Darry laughed and leaned back, holding Justin to observe his back from a different angle.
"Passion, love, intensity. So what is a black rose?"
"I dunno." Darry said.
"A rose that has lost its passion and intensity. A rose that isn't beautiful anymore." Justin said. He shivered. His brother hated that tattoo. It reminded him that he had caused Justin to lose so much.
Justin remembered being used like a pleasure thing. It took everything from him. He was so numb he just paid for the tattoo with his brother's money, just to see what would happen. If he hadn't been so numb he would've known a stunt like that would land him in the emergency room. He remembered intense physical pain raining from his brother's blows but it was worth it to see Robbie tremble. Robbie was just human enough to tremble before hurting Justin again. Not human enough to stop. Justin had to make it stop and the tattoo was the catalyst.
"Justin-"
"You asked." Justin said. He felt like he needed to be out of Darry's grip.
"I know you're still beautiful Justin." Darry said. God, that made his instinct to pull away from Darry worse. Justin shuddered and wondered how much it would hurt Darry if he withdrew from his comforting affection.
"It's not about that Darry." Justin said, leaning against him as Darry cradled him. Justin shut his eyes and leaned into Darry's collarbone. Darry wasn't his brother. Darry wanted to shelter him, not hurt him.
"What is it about babe?" Dary asked, leaning his face on Justin's shoulder as his arms encircled Justin. Darry didn't like it when Justin trembled. He didn't like it before Justin was his and he hated it now. It'd meant Justin was exposed and hurting before and now it meant Darry had let Justin get hurt.
"It's about being used babe." Justin said.
"When did you get it?"
"Before I ran away from home." Justin said.
"Justin-"
"Let me explain something Darry. I thought that a relationship was about pain and not being able to live when you're in one. I thought it drained all of your life out of you. And I was right. Mine did. When I got that tattoo, I just wanted it to stop." Justin said.
"Why?" Darry was asking for an explanation to more than Justin wanted to talk about.
"I can't take some things. I can't handle being used by someone I'm supposed to love. It's not fun being at someone else's beck and call. We weren't supposed to have sex. It wasn't even about him being my brother. It was about how much he hurt me. What he said to me. He wasn't supposed to hurt me. I wasn't supposed to be scared of my brother."
"Justin-" Darry held him closer and Justin remained still and limp.
"Nothing was the way it should've been. When I got that tattoo, it changed something. He saw what he'd done to me. I hate to have such a crappy analogy but he saw it just like he saw that tattoo. It miffed him. He beat me so bad my parents took me to the emergency room. I never came home from the hospital."
"Justin, I'm sorry this happened." Darry said.
"You couldn't have stopped it." Justin said.
"I could have. I would have."
"Darry, I love you but you can't stop bad things from happening to me. Life doesn't dig that way." Darry had never heard Justin use a trendy expression before.
"I would've stopped it." Darry said.
"You couldn't have." Justin repeated.
"What couldn't I have done? What would stop me?" Darry said, his grip tightening and making Justin bite down on a whimper.
"Darry, bad things have happened to me since I've known you." Justin's reprimand was soft but Darry wilted.
"I'm sorry-"
"I have no idea what you're apologizing for." Justin said.
"I want to protect you-"
"Don't." Justin hissed and jumped from Darry's lap, his hipbones sliding across Darry's waist. Darry blinked and wondered what he'd said. He got up.
"Don't what?" Darry asked, watching Justin speak through clenched teeth.
"Don't protect me. You aren't family. You are mine. You are just as much mine as I am yours and I don't want something I love to have to protect me. I don't want to be protected just because it seems like I need to be. I want to bring something to you instead of demanding things. I want to offer you someone to love that doesn't need to be guarded like an age-old secret. I don't want to be another brother or a Curtis adoptee. I want to be yours."
"Justin-" Justin shrugged Darry's hand off and stepped away, back facing Darry.
"I'm not mad at you." Justin said. His posture and voice didn't really enforce that statement.
"Justin-" Darry reached for him again and was started when Justin turned around, eye blazing. He looked scared and angry but mostly uncertain.
"What?" Justin snapped.
"I love you." Darry said. Justin turned and walked to the kitchen, back to Darry again, legs spread as if to brace himself against the torrent of emotions. He crossed his arms and his back was too straight. Darry knew that posture made Justin ache.
"I don't trust love and I certainly don't want protection under the pretense of love."
Justin's clenched jaw and his death stare at any direction that wasn't Darry sealed Darry's next course of action. He reached for Justin's arm again.
"Justin-"
"Don't Darry."
Justin jerked away but Darry caught his upper arm, feeling the wiry tensed muscles bunch. He pulled Justin back against his chest and wrapped his arms around the boy. Justin's scowl was sincere and his glare once again denied Darry. Darry hoped he wasn't reminding Justin of anything his brother had ever done but he needed the boy to be close to him.
"Listen to me. You are mine."
Darry squeezed Justin's arm to emphasize the point as his voice lowered. He rested his lips on Justin's shoulder before continuing.
"You are the only thing I would bother to claim. Do you understand what that means to me?" Darry asked.
"Obviously not." Justin shrugged against Darry's grip as he spoke and Darry pulled him so tight Justin's breath hitched as their frames blended, Justin tucked into Darry like they were meant for that fit and that fit only.
"If I don't protect you I might lose you."
Darry kissed Justin's neck and let him go, admiring the speed and grace he used to slid away, jumping onto the counter and looking at Darry. He looked touched and thoughtful under a layer of tense fear.
"Why do you think we're together Darrel?" Justin asked, blinking. He was humbled and terrified by the show of Darry's strength and the point that his resistance would only be noted on an emotional level since his strength wouldn't be a selling point.
"Because you protected yourself long enough to find me."
Darry looked at Justin's eyes and came closer. He stopped as he came to Justin's knees hanging from the counter and gently laid an arm around his waist. Justin leaned forward and kissed Darry, wrapping his arms around Darry's neck and shoulders. Darry wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and slid him off the counter, feeling Justin wrap his sinewy legs around Darry's waist. Darry was awed by the strength of Justin's kiss and swung him to the ground after Justin's hips rolled against his own.
Justin reluctantly ended their kiss as his knees buckled. Darry had set him down and now his hands held onto Darry in a vain attempt not to fall. Darry held their foreheads together for a long moment as he supported his lover's scant weight.
"Can we sit down?" Justin asked. He didn't meet Darry's eyes because once again he was shown as the lightweight. Since Darry didn't particularly mind being able to lift his lover (and Justin liked the results), the sting of humiliation was fading.
"Yeah. Have you been eating and sleeping?" Darry sat him on the couch and combed the fridge.
"Not especially much. It's no fun when you're not around." Justin said. Darry came out with sodas and brownies.
"I can't believe you live on brownies and can't manage to fill out your doll sized pants." Darry said. He pulled Justin into his lap again and admired the gentle cast of lamp light on Justin's face as he rested his cheek on Darry's chest.
"There hasn't been any complaints before now." Justin shut his eyes for a moment.
"You haven't almost fainted for a while either." Darry said.
"It wasn't that bad." Justin said.
"Justin, your legs giving out like that isn't normal when you're past puberty. Feed yourself on occasion." Darry motioned to the brownies and Justin took one.
"I don't know why you assume I'm past puberty. I'm hoping for another growth spurt." He smiled at Darry and Darry rolled his eyes. They both knew Justin was condemned to the shortness. "I had a conversation topic before we had this discussion. By the way, does that tattoo still turn you on?" Justin asked, smiling up at Darry with an oversized bite of brownie in his mouth.
"Was it that obvious?" Darry flushed. Tattoos usually made girls look cheap. On guys they were tuff, not sexy.
"You licked it." Justin spoke with an arched eyebrow before taking another bite, wincing.
"I kissed it. I was trying to be romantic."
"Well romance is all well and good until you start drooling." Justin said.
"Eat more brownies." Darry said.
"I don't like chocolate."
"Then why do you have them?" Darry asked, blinking.
"They were a house warming gift from an over zealous neighbor. Never mind that. I need to talk to you seriously for a moment." Justin turned in his lap so he faced Darry and Darry put his arms around the boy's waist, hands resting at the back of his waistband.
"There is no serious when you're in my lap." Darry said.
"Stubborn." Justin said.
"More stubborn." Darry said. A sincere, non-sultry smile flooded his face as Justin exhaled, snorting slightly.
"Are we ready to be serious again?" Justin asked. His eyes were the usual, high clear green color and Darry sighed. The haziness caused by their argument ending in a strangely ardent embrace had faded already. He must be serious.
"If I have to." Darry sighed. Justin was supposed to be his escape. He didn't need to be serious all the time with Justin. He didn't need to be serious when he was alone with Justin, especially since they felt so safe with each other. Darry always thought he felt perfectly fine and safe alone since he could take care of himself but Justin took care of him better. He wondered what Justin felt.
"I love you." Justin said, bringing his face close to Darry's and touching their foreheads together. Meeting Darry's eyes was something very special. Darry was surprised he did so after their argument which had scared Justin to some extent. Darry never knew what it was like to be overpowered and vulnerable in such a close relationship.
"I love you too." Justin flinched as Darry spoke.
"I know but, I don't feel like I gave you much of a choice about all this." Justin said, feeling Darry's hands once again reach around and rest on the small of his back, fingers itching at the waistband of his jeans.
"What do you mean?" Darry asked, looking in Justin's eyes.
"I feel badly about this. You, you're Darry. You deserve a family and a life of your own. Every time you say you love me I feel like I've taken something away from you or someone else. You should be a father. You should be a husband to some Mary Sue blue eyes and get crappy little noodle artwork from your two kids. Breakfast in bed on Father's day, the dog has a birthday party and you teach your kids how to ride a bike and throw a football. You know what I mean? And instead you get some skinny high schooler with more emotional baggage than sanity. And don't give me that look. We have evidence of that from like, five minutes ago. I know you love me but what kind of future can I give you?"
"A future with you is the only one I want." Darry said. A simple, short answer to the rush of confusion and emotion.
"Darry-"
"Don't you 'Darry' me Justin. I haven't had a future for a long time. I want this one."
Darry kissed him and pulled him closer until his chest was pressed against Darry's and Darry's hand roamed his back, his palms pressing every inch of his ivory skin. Justin separated the kiss and breathed, resting his head against Darry's neck and hiding his face. Darry felt the hot drip of a tear and stroked his back.
"Why'd you get M&Ms? What happened to not liking chocolate?" Darry asked.
"I don't but it's supposed to be a powerful aphrodisiac."
Darry picked Justin up at the ever so subtle hint and sauntered to the table, ignoring the protests as Justin hung over his shoulders.
"I've always liked M&Ms." Darry said, smiling as he sat Justin on the table. He opened a bag and half of it was in his mouth the next instant.
"They're fun to play with but I don't like them very much."
"Then why play with them?" Darry mumbled.
"Because they're fun to play with." Justin blinked at Darry and flushed.
"Let's go play then."
Edited bla bla bla. Leave me a review before you move onto the hot boy sex k? I work hard… You play hard, gimme some lovin'.