Justin ended up back at his apartment and collapsed on his couch. Everything hurt but God he didn't want to do anything about it because moving hurt. Breathing hurt too now that he was taking inventory. He wondered how he was supposed to sleep after all that. He glanced at the brown paper bag he'd taken with him. Pain medication and some antibiotic for the stitches and his neck. His neck was on fire and the chain still rubbed against it. He looked again. Another bottle, smaller with bigger pills. Sedatives. He wondered why he'd gotten those. He glanced at the prescription and realized it wasn't his. He didn't mind.

Justin found his nightmares in a bottle of over priced liquor and prescription medication.

It was dark and Justin was cold. Weight was pressing against him, straddled on his hips as he lay stomach down, and it was starting to make him ache. Eventually he would start going numb but not before it hurt like hell. He struggled against the weight and heard a chuckle.

"I missed you too." The heavy clunk of a thick glass bottle of liquor made Justin flinch. Robbie wasn't a shot glass kind of man. Straight from the bottle.

"Get off me Robbie." God his voice sounded young.

"Why?" This dialogue was so familiar. Every time Justin's door creaked open late at night or when his parents were out or drunk into a stupor. Robbie's lead hands pressed into Justin's shoulders, pushing him down in place.

"This isn't right." Justin tried to shuck him off and was rewarded with his brother's knee cracking against the small of his back. Justin whimpered against his clenched teeth and Robbie laughed, no attempt to muffle the pervasive laughter of a very sick boy.

"Are we done with the moral considerations or is this going to be hard?"

"Get off me." Justin hissed, clenching his jaw tighter as Robbie put pressure on his neck, pressing him against the bed.

"What happened to letting me love you?" Robbie laughed again and moved to cover Justin's frame with his own. He slid his mouth to Justin's ear, his breath was laced with vodka as he whispered. "I think we both enjoyed that time more." Robbie sank his teeth into Justin's shoulder and Justin screamed.

Justin woke screaming and off the couch, sweating and quaking when the door to his apartment slammed open.

"Justin!" Darry the Superman just busted Justin's front door in.

"What the fuck are you doing here Darrel?" Justin snapped.

"I heard you screaming. What's going on?" Darry looked around and it took him a moment to register that was not a friendly greeting.

"Nothing." Justin was shaking more violently than Darry had ever seen and he was on the floor, white and sweating.

"I don't believe you." Darry said.

Justin used the couch to stand up, his stance beyond shaken. He looked like he might fall at the drop of a pin. He immediately turned his back to Darry and walked to the kitchen. Darry followed him, shutting the front door. He'd spent the entire day at work debating what to do about the mess he made. He wasn't sure he made the right choice. He stopped at the coffee table next to the couch and picked up the bottle of vodka Justin had obviously been drinking. He glanced at the scattered bottles of medicine and his free fist clenched. He gripped the neck of the bottle until his knuckles were white and walked to the kitchen. Justin was leaning on his elbows against the counter, hands in his hair.

"Justin-"

"Why are you here?" Justin couldn't believe he'd slept for so many hours. It was obvious Darry had been at work and the clock on the antique of an oven said it was past five. He felt sick. He didn't want to look at Darry. It hurt so much.

"I came to check on you."

"What have I told you about protecting me?"

"You aren't mine anymore. You're just a little boy who doesn't know how to keep his ass out of trouble." Darry slammed the bottle to the counter without shattering it. He was getting closer to Justin.

"If I'm not yours than you shouldn't be here checking on me even if I am a little boy." Justin said. He was being quiet and Darry's voice was rocking the inside of his head.

"Well I certainly can't protect you."

"Damn straight. You really don't know what you'd be protecting me from or you wouldn't be here." Justin shook his head.

"What the hell does that mean little man?" Justin's tight-lipped expression turned to a snarl. Darry was getting closer again and hovered behind him.

"That means you've done the most damage Superman and I don't want you."

"I've done the most damage? What about you? You're popping pills and bingeing like you were born with a shot glass and health insurance. What do you think that does to me?"

"It shouldn't do anything if I'm not yours."

"Justin-" Darry stepped closer so he overshadowed Justin and Justin gripped the counter. Darry brought his hands to Justin's shoulders and Justin jerked away, pushing past Darry.

"Don't touch me." Darry exhaled in a scoff.

"That's original. 'Don't touch me' after you get your ass kicked." Darry knew he just said the worst thing he could have ever uttered.

"Fuck off and go home Darrel." Justin turned his back to Darrel and took two steps before Darry grabbed his shoulder, turning him around. His back hit the table and Darry stared at him.

"Don't turn your back on me."

"Why shouldn't I?" Justin snapped.

"Why are you doing this?" Darry got the bottle, stepping away from Justin.He read the label. Strong shit.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because it's hurting you." Darry said.

"There isn't a person in this room who gives a damn about that right now Darrel." Justin said.

"I do care." Darry said.

"I don't believe you."

Justin realized that was the worst thing he could've said when the glass bottle shattered on the floor and Darry's back faced him, tensed and angry.

"Leave Darrel."

Justin proceeded to throw up the remaining contents of the vodka and medication. He heard his door slam a long while ago.He stayed on the bathroom floor, a trembling mess of too much medication. He was sure all the contents of his stomach finding a new home in the toilet bowl wasn't good for his ribs either but he didn't care. He would care later when his physical pains overcame the proverbial emotional rumble he'd just experienced. He hid his face in his hands until his vision became black and he could only feel the tears sliding through his fingertips.

Darry was beyond annoyed when he came home. Pony was reading on the couch and he knew Darry was enraged. It seemed like it went beyond anger this time.

"Something wrong?"

"I visited Justin." Darry clenched his fists and exhaled.

"What's going on with him?" Pony asked.

"He's worse."

"What's wrong with him?" Pony asked.

"He's upset. Didn't want anything to do with me." Pony wondered why that seemed to bother Darry more than anything else.

"Want me to go see him?" Pony asked.

"I dunno. He needs someone to take care of him." Pony wondered why that someone wasn't Darry. He'd noticed at the hospital that Darry seemed to be a source of comfort for Justin. When Justin was getting the stitches in his back, Darry was at the head of his bed, holding his hand. Justin buried his face in Darry's hands when the stitches went deeper, closer to the bone and Pony wasn't the one to notice how familiar the gesture was to Darry. He wondered what would drive Justin to push Darry away.

"Can I take your truck?" Darry handed him the keys.

"Be careful. I yelled at him. He isn't going to be in a very good mood."

"All right."

Pony knocked and then opened the door. Justin probably wasn't going to get up and answer the door. He glanced at the kitchen floor, broken glass and it smelled like vodka. He quickened his pace and hoped Justin was okay.

"Justin?"

Pony heard a groan from the bathroom and opened the door. Justin was curled on the floor and covered his face with his hands. Pony sighed and helped Justin up, admiring the wiry strength it took for Justin to lean on the counter and not fall. Justin splashed frigid water on his face and coughed.

"Are you all right?"

"I'll live. Could you help me to my room?" Justin must've been hurting to ask for help immediately.

"Yeah." Pony braced most of his weight and helped him to his bedroom. He eased the smaller boy on the bed and noticed he immediately rolled to his stomach. Those stitches must've hurt.

"Thanks Pony. What are you doing here?"

"I brought your some groceries and stuff. I was worried about you. You left pretty fast this morning." Pony shuffled his feet.

"I'm sorry. Darry was yelling at me about something. Needed to go before it got worse." Justin said.

"It's cool. I'm gonna clean up the bottle and bring in the stuff-"

"Pony, you don't have to-"

"I know Darry threw it." Justin blinked. How much did that mean Pony knew? Justin wondered if he could tell Pony. He wondered how right it was to keep his involvement with Darry a secret from Pony. Past involvement. Justin groaned and buried his head in his pillow.

Pony came back in with a glass of iced soda, ice, the paper bag of medications and a book. He sandwiched Justin's knee in ice and Justin sighed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not great." Pony noticed that the stitches looked red and Justin's neck looked worse than last night.

"Should I put this cream stuff on you? It says it's for pain."

"Yeah. That'd be very helpful." Pony handed him the glass of soda and he drank some.

"Have you been sick?"

"Yeah. Too much medicine I think."

Justin pulled his shirt off, resting stomach down on his bed and waiting for Pony's undoubtedly cold hands to descend with the numbing remedy to his pain. His shoulders were shaking with a pathetic need for attention since he couldn't reach his wounds to tend them. Pony couldn't help but stare and wondered if it made Justin uncomfortable. He realized Justin's discomfort was based solely on pain; morning was for sexual tension.

Justin waited for Pony to apply the strange cream. It was almost as painful as the wounds themselves to need someone to treat them. Helplessness was not a fond position for Justin. Justin twitched as Pony put some of the cream on his back. It was already making him numb.

"Darry said you and him were fighting. What's going on?" Justin noticed that Pony's hand had wandered from the stitches and his tapered fingers were running over his bare shoulder blades. He stayed very still under the questionable contact.

"Nothing. He's trying to be my parent."

"He does care about you." Pony said. His fingers brushed against Justin's neck and Justin shuddered.

"That's debatable."

"He does. You saw the way he was hovering around you at the hospital. He just wants to make sure you're all right." Justin buried his head in his hands.

"I don't know."

"I think he loves you."

Justin started to sob into his hands. Silent sobs that made him shudder more. Darry used to love him.

"I brought a book. Want me to read it to you?" Pony's hands were off of Justin and Justin was glad.

"Sure." Justin chuckled. How comforting such a simple thing was. Pony didn't know Justin was crying or why he would. He shouldn't know either. Justin wouldn't tell him.

Justin slid closer to Pony, resting very close to Pony's warm frame. He listened to Pony read aloud and shivered. He knew Pony was watching the tremulous rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed. He was reading Jude the Obscure. Justin didn't have to look up to know it was the copy he'd given Darry the first week he'd known him. He'd dozed off and his head ended up under the book, the book formed a little tent over his face. Darry came home from work and chuckled, ruffling his hair and taking the book from his head.

"I'll summarize it for ya kid."

Jude was plagued by circumstance and love, more often tragedy and love lost. Justin always wondered why Thomas Hardy would so thoroughly beat his characters into the ground of humanity. No love, no life, no career, no chance for anything better than death by some horrible method. And always, a different path for love to take. Justin shivered. He knew the feeling. He was using Pony's chest as a pillow. How much easier would it be to over lap Pony's frame and start a relationship based on desperation; clinging to the remainder of a past love affair in some untrue, debased form. There was still a chance for Darry but God it was hard to see when Justin was in so much pain and Darry was the cause.

Author: AHHHHH! Spanks for the reviews, you are all still the essence of awesomeness.