Justin had transcended the traditional pain he was so familiar with. It went so much deeper it drove pain to a level where he only felt it enough to know it was eating away at him. Why had he even bothered to develop a relationship that he knew could only end in pain? It wasn't worth it to feel like he had found everything he'd ever wanted in life and then lose it.

He wanted to murder who ever the hell was playing I'll Be Home for Christmas so damn loud that he could hear it.

Justin was startled at the depth of anger and betrayal he felt. Darry had only ever thought of the relationship as shallow and sexual yet he had the fucking morals to say Justin was too young. Justin wondered why he'd felt so much beyond the shallow end if Darrel hadn't. If Darry had felt more than sexual relations, why would he give Justin up?

Justin was beyond tears but he was tempted to finish the vodka. It wasn't like he had plans anyway. Pony had left after an uneventful night. Justin may have beenupset but he wasn't in any mood for a new relationship that would be a shallow attempt at recapturing anything mildly Darry like.

The wrapping paper he'd used on the gifts for the gang was still hanging limp over his table. The gifts were in his truck. Bows littered the table and ribbon was trekked into the kitchen. He could see the mess as he sat on his kitchen counter next to the stove and vodka. He'd brought a spare from work. Pony hadinsisted on cleaning up Justin's kitchen and he'd brought some groceries over. Justin's kitchen smell of Lysol pine cleaner and Vodka.

His phone rang and he slid down, easing the weight on his knee. Every part of him felt old and over used. His body was slow to respond to any order and it screamed in protest at his scant weight. The only chance he wanted for a life had been shattered and spilt on the floor like the vodka bottle.No mop or pine scented cleaner could help that.He felt old since he was learning the hardest lessons in life before he was out of high school.

"Hello?" Justin answered.

"Justin? How are you doing kid?" His boss asked.

"As well as expected I suppose." Justin said, leaning on the table with the phone on it. His knee was already buckling and he felt like he wasone wrong motion away from the floor.

"How much were the hospital bills?"

"Exorbitant." Justin didn't have medical since he wasn't legally allowed to work at a bar.

"I'll reimburse you for them since I can't add you to the employee policy. I'm sorry about what happened. Who jumped you?"

"I don't want to discuss it." Justin said.

"All right. Could you do me a favor?"

"What do you need?" Justin asked.

"Do you have plans tonight?"

The only place that wanted Justin on Christmas Eve was a bar.

He swore he felt his self esteem drain down his personality, fading it of all color and hue, all strength and character.

In short, Justin didn't go to work in a positive frame of mind.

Justin's frame of mind slid lower when customers were allowed behind the bar to give him kisses under the mistletoe as he sat on the counter, shaking and assembling their over priced peppermint spiked liquor. He was further driven down the slope of irritation when he had to retreat to the back room in order to avoid the police officers that came in to check on the general disposition of the bar. The general disposition would not be aided by an under aged bar tender with a bum knee.

He sat in the corner, tucked against a box of rum with his knees pulled to his chin. It hurt to bend that way but he needed to bury his face in shame since this was going to be the peak of his life for a while. He heard footsteps and pulled his knees in tighter, hoping to God it wasn't a police officer. He didn't need to top his night off by whatever they did to bartenders without i.d.s that looked like they belonged in a lit class versus a bar.

"Justin?" Justin looked up at Darry's voice. All the anger and pain he felt had no grounds when Darry was there, waiting for the wrath he'd incurred by inflicting so much hurt on Justin. Justin shook his head.

"Are you here to tell me I shouldn't be here too, since I'm too young to make this decision?" Justin's tone was flat and harmless. He couldn't put the spite he should've felt in his words. Darry knew it but he didn't press the weakness.

"No. I think we need to talk. Will you come home and talk to me?"

"Why can't we talk here?" Justin asked.

"Your boss mentioned the police wanting to check out the back room. He asked me to tell you to go home." Darry said. He turned from Justin with his hands in his pockets. It was strange to see Justin looking beaten and tired, old even, surrounded by malt liquor boxes and spare bar stools.

"Fine." Justin said. Darry offered his hand but Justin ignored it. "I'll follow you in my truck." Justin said, tossing his apron on a stool and heading for the door. Darry never noticed how small he was until he felt sorry for Justin. His shoulders were narrow and Darry could see his shoulder blades under his shirt.

Justin's driving hadn't improved with a dodgy knee and he pulled in a few minutes after Darry. He suspected everyone would be there and brought in the bags of their gifts. He'd hoped to leave quickly and not deal with whatever Darry needed to talk about. It just hurt to be around Darry.

Justin walked in and set the bags down in the general vicinity of the tree. The tree was straggly and looked like a horde of hoodlums had attempted to decorate it. It made him realize this was as close to a family as he would ever get and it was probably over. He grew agitated looking at a vandalized tree.

"Hey, can we talk now?" Darry asked, standing in the entrance to the room.

"Yes. I'm going to try to listen but I don't know how well I can." Justin said. His chest was starting to ache and it felt like his heart was beating directly against his ribs. His throat felt tight and he swore he could hear his heart beat in his temples. He wasn't angry but he felt dizzy.

"I'm sorry." Justin scoffed.

"What does that mean?" Justin asked.

"That means I didn't know it would hurt you, what I said." Darry said.

"But you meant it." Justin said.

"Yes." Justin took rapid steps to Darry and buried his face in Darry's chest.

"Why do you have to be so damn sure that you're right?" Justin felt Darry's arms come around him with great hesitance and he felt Darry sigh. Justin was crying now and it was because he realized the painful truth that rested in his own co dependant words.

"I'm not right." Darry said. He didn't need to finish saying how much he needed Justin since Justin knew it along with the rest of the gang, standing behind them, watching the tender embrace with confusion and the awkward poise of peeping toms.