A wish your heart makes
Hiza-chan
Disclaimer: It is very obvious that I have included large potions of KH2 scenes in this. I do not own said scenes, nor do I own any of the Organization Members (Or Sora) discussed. This one-shot is also slightly based off the song "Goodbye Again" by Vertical Horizon. I do not own that either.
Summary: Maybe Nobodies do dream Roxas; maybe they can feel love, desire and hope. Maybe we do have hearts, maybe our I-Love-You's aren't as false as we think. Maybe nobodies can dream, huh Roxas? AxelRoxas/RoxasAxel, yaoi, lime.
A/N: Allie, I said I would write a fic to go along with that first comic. Well, I sorta did. This is the demon that spawned when I decided I didn't want to stop with a drabble. I kinda like it, and I still wanna rewrite it and make it better, but I'm lazy. And yes, parts of it are mean't to be crack like.
It's in your mind,
It's in your eyes,
So it's goodbye again.
It's way past time,
For one last try,
So it's goodbye again.
Who wants you now?
Maybe somebody else.
I'll wait around.
Maybe you'll forget you were ever here.
Maybe you'll forget you were ever, never here.
I'm on the outside, looking down
What do I see?
So much of this cold, in the ground
Where would I be?
I'm on the outside looking down
Cover me before you go
It's in your mind,
It's in your eyes,
So it's goodbye again.
Goodbye Again
Vertical Horizon
Once upon a time ago Roxas had told Axel that nobodies could never dream. Axel would shake his head and laugh at him and fire off a flirtatious reply that would make Roxas go red to the roots of his blonde locks, and give him a glare that somehow did not work as well as it should have while blushing.
Axel knows that this can't be true, because Axel dreams often. His dreams always contain Roxas, though, his dream Roxas could never exist outside of Axel's dream world because Roxas simply did not laugh, he did not parade around in his underwear, nor would he allow Axel to plant wet kisses all along his throat while mewling uncontrollably.
No, nobodies could dream, Axel thinks as he kisses Roxas' closed eyelids and drags his tongue down a smooth tan chest.
Roxas' eyes open and the blatant desire in those amazing blue irises make Axel want to scream and hold him until the end of time.
Could nobodies feel desire? Could they feel love?
He tells himself no, they cannot, but they can remember it and replicate it as thoroughly as possible. He finds it hard to believe himself though when Roxas slips a slender hand around his erection and begins to roughly pump it with that small calloused hand of his. Axel easily loses himself in the lust that his dream lover invokes.
When Axel sees Roxas the next day he shows no sign of ever having the dream. He jokes with him just as easily, smiling and laughing raucously whenever something amuses him in the slightest. Roxas would just huff at him and tell him to shut up and spare him the headache. More often than not, this only made Axel laugh all the harder.
Sleeping is one of Axel's favorite pastimes, and it really is no wonder as to why, the dreams lack consistency so every night it's like a new exotic adventure with the object of his false affections. The oddest one to date consisted of little Axel's and little Roxas' running around a small but efficient apartment, a nursing infant attached to Roxas' rather female teat. Axel had woken up screaming and run to Roxas' makeshift room to fling the covers down past the boy's ankles and run his palms over the younger nobody's chest so he was positive that Roxas was, in fact, still very much male.
Needless to say that Axel's nose was very swollen and very broken for the next two and a half weeks.
Axel thought that it was very odd to actually wake up to Roxas standing over him looking as if for all the world he wanted to smother him in strawberry jelly and eat him alive. He cocks his head a bit and studies this new dream version of Roxas, gasp catching in his throat as the so called dream Roxas swoops down upon him with all the ferocity of a crocodile pulling his next meal into hungry, salivating jaws.
As Roxas nips at his bottom lip and trails hot, so very hot, hands down Axel's chest to clutch at the older nobody's hips and grind down, pressing newly awakening erections together Axel has to wonder why he can feel the nips, the suckles, the pleasure, so much better than before. Maybe his subconscious mind has been holding out on him.
Axel wakes the next morning looking as if he has been mauled by some kind of ferocious animal, love bites littering his shoulders, neck, abdomen, lips swollen and bruised. The smell of sweat, sex, and Roxas is everywhere, and glancing down he realizes that Roxas looks no better than him.
It was almost as if Roxas was doing his best impersonation of a kitten, with the way he was curling in on himself, his own neck covered in large dark bruises and his lips dark and swollen. When Roxas' cool blue eyes open, they're hazy, clouded with a strange mixture of pain, pleasure and sleep.
Axel grins down at him, and Roxas seems to wonder why they are both so incredibly naked and why his ass hurts so fucking much, the throbbing of his head pounding away in a rhythm all its own, before his eyes widen comically and he is swooping about the room with a blush dusting his cheeks, picking up the scattered pieces of his clothes, blush darkening to a dark crimson color when he plucks his boxers from the lampshade.
He makes the mistake of glancing at Axel, who is grinning at him with an expression that clearly expresses his glee at just being laid.
Roxas curses Xigbar and Marluxia for being so damned persuasive and makes a mental note to never accept any form of alcohol from the two again.
Axel later confronts him, pinning him to the wall and ravishing his lips thoroughly, and honestly, it's impossible not to kiss back, Roxas' hand gripping Axel's choppy red locks and the other wound around the other man's waist. Axel's hands had wandered downwards and found purchase on the blonde's ass, gripping tightly with both hands in a luxurious double hold. Roxas found that he couldn't help the moan that makes its way past his lips, spilling over in a passionate throaty rumble.
Axel takes this as encouragement and deepens the already hot kiss, tongue lapping at the other boy's, running over the other boy's lips.
Roxas groans and they're stumbling like drunks into Roxas' room and slamming it in Demyx's face, who is gawking in dazed wonder at the wooden barrier and the moans and wet sounds emanating through it.
It takes him several moments to regain his composure before shrugging and continuing on his search for his bag of pixie sticks which had somehow wandered away from him. Personally he suspects Luxord, but the older blonde nobody vehemently denies his not-quite-secret sweet tooth.
When Roxas and Axel show up to the group discussion the next day they are the center of attention, because Axel has a slight limp to his step and his lips are bruised so darkly that it looks as if he is wearing lipstick; and Roxas is smirking from ear to ear as he plops down into his seat and Axel sits down gingerly, wincing once he is completely seated.
The entire organization is quiet for a whole of five minutes, a new record for them, before the silence is broken by Demyx's very girlish giggle and then everyone is sniggering and Axel's face matches his hair. Needless to say, it took a while to get everyone on task, because Xemnas couldn't stop laughing long enough to call the meeting to order.
Eventually, the organization gets used to moans reverberating through the hallways and the way Axel is giddier than he used to be, smiles so bright that Saix often complains that it is causing him to go blind and develop a permanent twitch of his upper lip.
Overall though, the result is spectacular and Castle Oblivion seems somehow more peaceful.
O
O
O
It seems however, that just when the organization becomes accustomed to something it is ripped apart again. Shouts reverberate off the walls of Castle Oblivion, loud and furious and sometimes there's an echo of ragged sobs that crawl down the hallway, making the member's stop and listen to the sounds sadly as if this painful, heart wrenching fight signifies the beginning of the fall of the Organization.
Then Roxas is gone and the castle is somber, the heart break and pain so pungent in the very air that it is almost difficult to breathe. Axel stops eating, his bright emerald eyes standing out sickeningly well against pale gaunt cheeks. Axel stops laughing, his once cheerful voice flickering and dying with the abruptness of a candle flame being extinguished. Axel stops sleeping, dark bags shadowing his eyes and making his once exuberant face seem like the face of a corpse.
Even Xemnas seems slightly more deadened and psychotic than before, as if Roxas was the secret to the Organization's stability.
O
O
O
It doesn't quite come as a surprise that Axel is the one that is ordered to go bring Roxas back, after all, Axel is the one that has the best chance of returning his ex lover. He leaves at once, setting out to do the task set before him.
He comes back at night, fragile and weeping. Collapsing in the hall before his makeshift family and curling in on himself, choking on ragged sobs and hugging himself tightly, rocking back and forth in an attempt to quell his pain. Demyx is the first to react, dropping to his hands and knees before his friend and manipulating Axel's tears so they danced and swayed through the air, sitar quietly singing his friend a haunting lullaby. Demyx pulls the pyro into a warm hug and Axel clings to the younger boy's jacket as if it was a lifeline while the others stand and watch and wonder what they can possibly do to help their fellow nobody.
Axel turns bloodshot watery eyes on the rest of them and silently asks why he is crying if nobody's cannot feel pain.
The next day Axel is gone again, his eyes burning with a self righteous anger as he storms through the dark portal with a blindingly fake grin on his face.
Nobody sees him smile the truest smile that has had the pleasure of gracing his face since Roxas left when he thinks that Roxas has remembered him, nor do they see the bitter despair when he realizes that he will have to harm Roxas in order to bring him to safety, only to be frozen in time and stopped. They don't see the bitter tears falling down his cheeks before he returns empty handed for the second time.
When he returns this time his face has been cleared of all 'emotion' and he retreats to his room without even acknowledging the worried look Demyx casts him. By the next afternoon he's left again, a fiery aura of anger surrounding him, green eyes blazing with an inner fire that hardly conceals the pain that lurks beneath this façade.
And somehow everyone knows exactly what happens. They know that him and Roxas have fought, have actually hurt each other if the dark substance dripping from a deep wound in Axel's abdomen is testimony enough.
But nobody sees the pain, fear, and heart ache that Roxas experiences as he remembers all the harshly growled I-Love-You's in the dark, the sweet kisses in the rain, the look in his lover's eyes as he looked at him with the purest form of love that a nobody could properly display. Nobody sees Roxas' 'heart' break with each and every hit he lands or hear his 'heart' shatter into a million small pieces every time his face is scorched by his lover's flame.
Nobody can see Roxas' tears or hear his blind hope that Axel will come back as Sora's pod opens.
And nobody can hear two identical ragged sobs echoing through time and space as Sora is reborn.
It feels like years until that final confrontation, after Demyx is dead and gone and Axel has given the organization no choice but to expel him from their ranks and treat him as if he was a traitor.
Sora is at his back and enemies are all around him and there isn't much else he can do but allow Sora safe passage.
Then Axel is dying and it almost feels good to feel the red hot pain scorching through his body while Sora crouches above him, looking through wide, innocent blue eyes at him and Axel can almost see Roxas instead of Sora, so he is pouring his heart out to his lover and telling him that around him he felt as if he did have a heart and why, oh why, did that feeling have to change? Why is it Sora who makes him feel now? Why can it not be Roxas?
He can feel himself disintegrating now, bleeding black, and feel the particles that make him up separating from his body. It's just him and Roxas now, to him, Sora is merely a distant memory and Roxas is crying, brows drawn together and tears flowing from blue eyes like two miniature rivers. When Axel blinks, Roxas is gone and Sora is once again standing before him, blue eyes slightly teary as a result of the severity that his soul is crying with.
Axel smiles slightly and manages to pull together enough energy for one last portal, one last door of darkness before glancing at his Roxas, hand dropping limply to his sides. When Axel dies, he is smiling and the one left behind can only stare at that small smile and wonder why his heart suddenly feels so damn hollow.
Why does a nobody ripped from existence affect him as if a dear friend had perished? Why does it feel as if he had been jerked quite abruptly from a cherished dream?
"See Roxas? Nobodies can dream."