Hey, hey! This is my third chapter! Mm… I'm not really satisfied with this chapter because it was really difficult to do. Like Umeko said, Hijikata's delirious half the time, so it'll be really difficult for him to do anything…
Anyway, I hope it's still enjoyable… hopefully… ah well, I can just pray and wait!
Warning: Hijikata's language isn't as clean as the previous two.
Disclaimer: PMK does not belong to me – ever.
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Hijikata Toshizou
Day One
God, what on earth is Kondou thinking? Diaries? Why do we need diaries for? We are the Shinsengumi; we have better things to do than write in diaries! Besides, real man don't write in diaries! It's against all the laws of nature for a real man to write in a bloody diary!
Damn, trust Kondou to go enforce this stupid… Diary Writing Hour while I'm off in Osaka.
Who cares about bloodshed anyway? If the men get disturbed by bloodshed, they shouldn't be in the Shinsengumi in the first place. We are the Miburo, the Wolves of Mibu; we live off bloodshed (and not women, as Souji is fond of saying). We are strong, disciplined samurai, not wimps! We can take a little blood! Why do you think the ladies at Shimabara are so fond of us?
Well, admittedly there are some of us who are rather good-looking, like me… but that's not the point. Part of my charisma obviously comes from being a real man, and being able to make tough decisions where people like… Yamanami fail.
Which reminds me, why can't the other leaders of the Shinsengumi be the evil ones for once? I don't want to always be the one Souji frowns at when I say or do or decide cruel stuff.
But that can't be helped; if I wasn't around, the Shinsengumi would probably end up being a charity organization for the defense of pigs rather than a police force.
Defense of pigs… god, the horror…
Day Two
Tch, this whole diary rubbish is causing even more trouble than I ever thought possible. Does Kondou really think I have nothing better to do than to waste one hour each day writing in some ugly, two-cent book mass ordered from Kyoto's shabbiest bookstore?
Obviously he does.
I tried to convince him that at the very least, I should be spared from this torture given that I already do daily writing in my haiku book, but no, he has to take Souji's side and enforce it on me as well.
I gave him one whole list of perfectly sound reasons why I shouldn't have to write a diary, like 'I wake up much later than the average member', but did he listen to me? No! All Souji had to say was, "Oh Hijikata-san, do stop being such a bad sport!" and that was it, I was trapped.
Damn, I swear that boy's a curse from my past life or something.
But how on earth could my past life be more terrible than my present?
Should I be expecting worse in my next life?
Oh god… the horror, the horror…
Day Three
I have a feeling someone high up is screwing up majestically.
This morning, I woke up bright and early, specifically so I can order Yamazaki to go on a particular mission, which for the sake of secrecy, I will not elaborate on. So, I pulled myself out of bed at the unholy hour of eleven and opened that bloody door - only to see that stupid page there.
That idiot actually had the guts to demand I give him the order! Who does he think he is? Does he think I made him a page just so he can go around being an irritating brat?
Besides, it's obvious that Yamazaki is a far better shinobi than this dog would ever be – he doesn't have the correct facial features to pull off being female.
Anyway, it eventually got sorted out when Yamazaki returned from the toilet, took one look at the idiot and threw him out of the room.
After that, I tried to catch another hour or so of sleep. And just when I was starting to have this really… pleasant dream about a certain second daughter of a certain Lord of Aizu, disaster struck.
Okita Souji entered my room.
Following which, he proceeded to stumble over my head, and wake me up to the sight of his god-awful pig staring down his snout at my eye.
This is the first and last time I am looking up the nostril of a goddamn pig.
But, that wasn't the worst.
The worst, in summary was, he basically conned me into letting him read this bloody diary and then he spent two hours sulking about the previous entry, and refusing to talk to me, and generally making me feel guilty about putting him through so much pain… and just when I've decided to screw pride and apologize, that pig-hugging ass pulled one last trick on me.
In the time it took me to say 'I'm sorry', he managed to drag out of me a promised trip to the park, as much candy as he wanted for a month, the permission to practice ken-jutsu with that page for a week and money to buy the new batch of piglets down at the farm where Nagakura gets his veggies.
And if you're still wondering what I meant by 'someone up there is screwing up majestically', all I can say is you're either very stupid or even worse off than I am. In both cases, you have my utmost sympathy.
Day Four
Do I have to make all the decisions around here? Do I? Do I? Kami-sama… I can't believe the Shinsengumi needs me to decide who pulls kitchen duty today because Ayumu is out. This bunch is really helpless without me, aren't they? If I wasn't here, they would probably starve to death arguing over who cooks dinner today.
And just when I thought I should screw them all by assigning Yamazaki to do kitchen duty, that stupid shinobi goes and pulls a god-sent sweet cake out of his hat.
Darn, why don't things ever go my way? I want to get away with pulling evil pranks too!
Then there's that Harada… that Harada… I don't care if he doesn't know how to spell his own name, but by the lords above, how is it possible that he doesn't know how to spell 'Shinsengumi'? It's on display outside the place he bloody lives in! Even if he doesn't know anything else about this wonderful world we live in, the one thing he has to know is how to spell 'Shinsengumi'! He is a freaking Shinsengumi captain for heaven's sake!
I will make him learn… even if it means throwing him to the wolves.
Okita Souji will be his tutor and god save him if he doesn't learn fast enough and Souji's patience runs out…
Day Five
Ah, how terribly cruel the world is. When men live out in the bright of day, and the wind and sky are clear and bright, there is no need to choose. However, when darkness closes over, and the skies become overcast, choice is all the more necessary and difficult, for the choice is between two evils, two dangers.
Terrible indeed, for such dark times have descended upon us, and it has become all the more necessary to choose wisely for fear of falling into greater evil.
So… should I go to Shimabara tonight, or visit the very dissatisfied wife of a certain samurai? Dissatisfied, by the way, not with me, but with the… ah… performance of her lord.
Alas, for when a man is of the same mettle as I am, there are all the more flowers to choose from, and all as sweet a rose as the next. Common men would never understand the dilemma faced by people such as myself. And for those who feel that I am misusing my talents to seduce women, all I can say is…
Hmm… this calls for some kind of… words of wisdom.
If god gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Nah, who wants to drink lemonade?
If god gives you… ah, yes. If god gives you shit, make fertilizer.
Now that's a useful thing to make.
Dilemma aside, I must wonder, what was Ayumu doing, sneaking around the bathhouse while her brother was inside bathing? Was she checking to make sure no one was spying on her brother? Perhaps the Yamazaki family have some kind of special technique of bathing that must not be passed on to other people who do not have the fortune (or misfortune) of bearing the Yamazaki name.
Or perhaps, she's spying on her little brother.
Wait… that sounds so wrong.
I do hope those two aren't … no, my mind must not wander there… but what if… no! I will not think much further than that… I'm sure there is a perfectly good reason for why she was sneaking around the bathhouse other than that the two of them are… no! I… she… well, perhaps she's stealing his diary?
Nah, that's stupid; why would she want to steal his diary for? It's not like… maybe, Ayumu's a spy for the Choshu… no, what am I thinking? She's too good a cook to be a Choshu spy…
Gah, I need a smoke… and tea. Now where is that stupid page of mine?
And which lady should I seduce tonight?
Day Six
Well now, isn't today a confusing day?
First of all, I was just returning from the house of a certain samurai when Ayumu suddenly pounced on me and dragged me off to the backyard. At first, I thought she had finally given in to some primitive desires she has harbored for me, but I was wrong. Instead, she started blabbering about how I was obviously expecting too much from her little brother, and giving him too much stress, and sending him on too many missions.
It took me forever to make some sense out of what she was saying.
Why would Yamazaki be stressed? He's probably the only person in the Shinsengumi I don't have to be demonic to, because he does his work properly… mostly properly at least. I mean, when he screws up, it isn't because he wasn't trying hard enough.
Not to say that isn't a crime, because screwing up is a crime, but at least he doesn't screw up terribly.
On the other hand, he's still a kid, right? I forget. On the other hand, I sometimes also forget what his real gender is. But that's not the point. Maybe I should have a… oh no, god forbid. The demon of the Shinsengumi is not a counselor. That thought is just so gross… two men sitting side-by-side talking about their innermost feelings? Disgusting! I'll leave this to people who don't mind; like Souji.
And after I finally managed to escape from that rabid woman, I thought I could escape to my room to rest (you have no idea how much stamina dissatisfied women have), but that damn Kondou had to interrupt me. He burst into my room, shouting indignantly about something, flapping his arms and stinking of vomit. At first I thought he was drunk or something, and was this close to suggesting he commit seppuku for acting like a total idiot when he told me that Souji was dying.
For a moment, I thought that Souji had finally been killed in battle, and that it was all my fault since I was the one who shoved that god-damned sword into his hands when he was nine.
So, I rushed to Souji's room, and there he was, lying on his futon, as pale as death. His lips were blue, and his eyes were dull and unfocused. It was around this time, I thought, "Damn. I killed him; I killed Mitsu's brother. Damn. I'm never going to get into her bed ever again, and the Shinsengumi has just lost it's best captain, and by god, that kid's like a son to me, so sue me for confessing it."
Then the poor kid reached out and grasped my hand. I thought he had some last words to say, so I leaned over to listen.
In the end, it was only after agreeing to give him enough allowance for another month's supply of candy and another new batch of piglets, and giving him permission to practice ken-jutsu with a sparring partner for another week did I discover he wasn't dying.
He was just sick from smoking my pipe.
In reflection, how many goddamned times must I fall for his tricks before I actually learn my lesson? I'm letting him get away this time, only because it was my fault for leaving my spare pipe lying around for anyone to smoke.
…
Alright, I'm just trying to save my pride, so sue me.
Day Seven
Oh god… the horror… what have I done? Look at these two things dangling at the sides of my head… god, what on earth… no, I refuse to… but I can't… I… no…
When that stupid boy came to me and apologized for earning me a scolding yesterday, I took it all in stride even when he started pouting and sniffling… until he presented me with these… sunflower hair-clips…
Wait a moment.
Goddamned sunflower hair-clips! I'll destroy you, even if it means facing an entire week of Souji's pouting, sniffing, guilt-inducing face!
Shit… one week?
Damn! Calm down, calm down, Toshizou, if only for the sake of your sanity.
Ok… I'm calm… I'm cool… where was I?
Oh yes…
I thought I would save him some face by just accepting them then hiding them somewhere for the rest of eternity; he looked so sincerely guilty, I felt guilty. But that… that… ass had to go and insist I wear those bloody things the whole of today! And Kondou was giving me stern looks from behind… and Souji was giving me those bloody puppy eyes of his… and I could only stare at him while he skipped away to feed his god-damned pigs… and…
And I have to hold training for the men today! God, of all days, why today, when I could have hid away in my room and barred the door?
Where can I hide my face? What can I do? What?
Alright, I know what I'll do. I'll go through today as calmly and stoically as possible, and in the end, I'll slaughter every single living human being in this headquarters. This way, there will be no one else on this bloody living earth who knows about this… no one… no one…
Day Eight
Gah, I survived the humiliation. No one in the dojo dared start laughing, not when I'm the one wearing those bloody sunflower clips, and not when Souji's the one who proudly presented them to me. It pays to have the reputation of being a demon… thank god.
And all the kami up there have better appreciate all my 'thank gods' because they wouldn't be getting much of those from me. That's their fault anyway; they give me so little to thank them about. For example…
Can someone please remind me why I actually took that stupid page in?
Oh yes… he reminded me of Souji.
Now, can someone please remind me exactly what about this page reminds me of Souji?
Oh yes, his stubbornness and inability to stay out of trouble.
Currently, the trouble Ichimura is in now consists of running through my door, tripping over his own feet, and planting his face into my lap. And… oh yes, I am about to murder him. Insignificant, really, compared to the other kinds of trouble he had gotten into before.
But that can wait for later. Right now, I have to go and save Harada from that idiot Souji.
It seems I have underestimated the illiteracy of Harada Sanosuke, because Souji's patience has run out way faster than I thought it would. At any rate, I've better hurry to save his ass before Souji murders him. Gah, why can't anyone remember it's against the Shinsengumi rules to have internal strife…
Oh god, Souji's wielding his real sword. Damn, where's my katana when I need it? Someone needs to run to get my katana, but I don't see anyone around who's brave enough to turn their backs on Souji when he's holding a sword. Alright… time to resort to screaming, "Put that down Souji or it's no dinner for you tonight."
Day Nine
Arg… kami-sama… the effort it takes to calm that idiot down. I can't believe I was resorted to waving a bag of candy and going, "If you listen to Toshi-nii, you'll get a nice big bag of candy." Gross, I admit, but highly effective. The one thing Souji cannot resist, even in demon mode, is candy. Arg… cancel that out; we can't have the Choshu finding out about his weakness.
Can you imagine someone like Yoshida prancing calmly down the streets of Kyoto, waving a bag of Fortune Twists and saying, "Off you go now Okita Souji, because if you leave us alone to conquer Kyoto, burn the palace and bring the emperor to Choshu then you'll get a nice big bag of candy"?
Oh god, I can actually imagine it happening.
The horror… the horror…
On the other hand, I wonder how many people I've scarred for life with my cooing mother-hen act? Ichimura for one, I know, because he ran out of the room screaming, "The demon's acting like Yamanami-san! The world's coming to an end!"
He thinks Yamanami is nice? Idiot. He should see Yamanami wield a sword; even Saitou would have to be careful when that idiot's swinging a sword about.
That… woman, Ayumu… she came to me again today, and demanded that I give her little brother the birds-and-bees talk. Gah, what the hell is wrong with that woman? If she felt her brother needed the talk, couldn't she give it to him herself? Why do I have to do all the work around here?
Besides, Yamazaki is a man already; he should instinctively know how to go about seducing women. If he doesn't, a trip to Shimabara with the Three Stooges should solve all the problems.
Of course, when I gave these great suggestions to that stupid woman, she had to go crazy on me and wave a chopper in my face. Needless to say, I felt compelled to give in to her.
Not that I was intimidated, of course, it's just that I saw her point when she said, "Susumu's a baby, you idiot! Bring him to Shimabara and the first thing he will do is hide in the ceiling boards and try to plug out all the sounds." After all, Souji's pretty much the same… only he wouldn't hide in the ceiling boards; he would probably curl up in a corner with his pig, a bag of candy, my haiku book, a weird smile and a pair of earplugs.
So, I have summoned the poor boy to my room, and he's due to come about now. The problem is… how should I start the talk?
Maybe with something along the lines of, "When looking for women to seduce, look for married women; they're easier to pick up and easier to drop…"
Day Ten
Are there days in the Shinsengumi that are actually normal?
Oh, what a silly question – of course not.
First of all, I had to restrain Souji again from murdering Harada. So there I was, straining all the muscles in my body, clinging desperately to the bokken that boy was wielding while everyone just stood around and gaped. Gah, if I wasn't the one who spent so much time training with that boy, I wouldn't have guessed he had so much strength in him.
Anyway, things quickly degenerated into this big wrestling match once the bokken was out of his hands. Those who think Souji goes out of demon mode the moment the sword leaves his hands are pure, unadulterated idiots. That boy moves like a snake – slippery, fast, and very good at lightning quick strikes to the ribs.
So there I was, bruised and battered, but still holding my own. Then Yamanami comes in, takes one look at the scene and says, "If you don't want to tutor Harada-kun, Souji then why don't you let me take over?"
And that was that.
That was that.
Souji stopped wrestling with me, stood up, grinned, and gave Yamanami a huge hug before skipping off. The audience broke out into cheers of, "Hurray for the Saint". Harada escaped without a scratch on him.
And me? Me, with the bruised ribs, scratched face, messy hair and bleeding nose? Did anyone even bother to cheer for me? Did anyone even bother to come and see if I'm okay? Did anyone? No. Everyone was too busy cheering for that idiot who did nothing more than offer to take on a hopeless case. I was left to slowly limp back to my room all by myself with nothing left of me intact. Nothing. My pride, my ego, my nose, and all other sensitive areas were totally obliterated.
Okay… not totally obliterated. I'm quite certain some parts of me are still functional, but that does not deny the fact that I feel like I was at the bottom of some heavenly toilet bowl just as some major celestial shit was coming down.
Catching sight of Yamazaki baking brownies in the kitchen and frantically adding enough sake to kill a hundred men didn't do very well for me either.
I hope that isn't going to be our dinner.
And now, here I am in my room, doing my Disgusting Word Hour with my left hand because I sprained my right wrist and… and… and goddamn all pig-hugging, abacus-molesting asses.
Day Eleven
Oh god… what have I done to Souji? I have turned him into a demon! (How many times have I started a diary entry with 'oh god' already?)
It was perfectly acceptable for him to go around beating up drunken ronin of course; that's what we do at the Shinsengumi, but when he offered to do torture duty, something he had never done before in his entire life, I knew he had finally sunk one rung lower into the realm of demon-hood.
Trust me, I would know. I'm the original demon after all.
I know he tried to cover it up by claiming that they had insulted him by calling him a guy dressed as a girl dressed as a whatever, but I know that isn't true. He now lives for nothing but blood, killing and candy.
Oh yes… and pigs, definitely pigs.
Alas! Vanished is the innocent little boy I raised with my own two hands! Where is the little sprite who used to run along behind me, pulling at my sleeves and crying, "Toshi-nii! Toshi-nii! Why is the sky blue in the day, and dark at night?" Where is the little brat who would hide in corners and jump at unsuspecting passer-bys (namely me) with a, "Toshi-nii! I found you!"? Where is the little boy who will appear at my room in the middle of the night, clutching his blanket and crying because there's a monster hiding in his closet? He is gone… gone with the winds of the Shinsengumi. He is lost… lost on the slopes of blood and skull.
Oh god… again. I… I have to do something about this… I have to… I have to… write a haiku! Haiku! I need a haiku!
So… should I compare Souji to a caterpillar or to a clump of moss?
Day Twelve
My soul is called Kikuichi-mongi…! My soul is called Kikuichi-mongi! That blasted, idiotic, stupid, anti-bushido, pig-hugging GIRL! I will murder him, I swear I will! How dare he make fun of all the codes of bushido! Just because your sword is your soul doesn't mean the name of your sword transfers to your soul! I mean, that makes so much sense, doesn't it?
That idiot; I can't believe this is the samurai I raised from childhood to… a second childhood. This calls for some disciplinary action, I swear and… why on earth are Harada, Nagakura and Ichimura congregating in Souji's room in the middle of the night?
Well… they could be having a discussion on the virtues of bushido…?
…
Discussion on the virtues of bushido? Harada? Ichimura?
…
Stop getting paranoid, Toshizou.
…
I mean it; stop getting paranoid.
…
They're planning something.
I'm going to die.
Or suffer severe hemorrhaging before dying.
Or worse.
Probably worse.
Day Thirteen
I'm seeing Souji everywhere! I'm seeing Souji everywhere! I'm seeing Souji every… I've got the hiccups…
This calls for one more drink! One more drink! And, there's a lovely lady here… hi! I'm Hijikata Toshizou! Don't mind the hiccups; usually I'm more suave than this.
Aw… she's leaving! Can't stand seeing… Souji's face… all around… huh? Don't worry; neither can I! Come to think of it, she kind of looks like Souji too. One more drink for the road home!
Ah… that can wait… I've just found a lovely ditch to sleep in…
Hey, Ditch-san! Say hi to Hijikata Toshizou's face.
Don't whine… at least it's my face and not Souji's face.
Ah, dear Ditch-san, you're the only thing I have left in this world. Even though the world has grown cold and evil, and darkness has fallen over Kyoto… I still have you. See? Here, I can cuddle in your embrace, safe from wind and rain and cow poop. Here, we can hold each other, and close our eyes, and pretend everything is okay.
God, I can still see Souji when I close my eyes.
And I've still got the hiccups…
Day Fourteen
There's someone poking my eye. I'm sure there's someone poking my eye. Should I risk opening my eyes? No. Don't. Save my sanity.
But…
Alright, just a peep.
Ohmigawd, it's Souji and an old, wrinkled ball of something.
I'm still seeing Souji everywhere!
Why is that old wrinkled ball poking my eye?
They're saying I'm drunk and delirious! I'm not drunk or delirious! I was drunk… no… wait… hmm… let me think.
God, it hurts to think. I think I'll just try to sleep this off.
Day Fifteen
Um… this isn't Hijikata-san, but Okita Souji. Um… yeah, I know this is supposed to be Hijikata-san's diary, but he's in no position to write today. So, I'm filling out for him because I don't want Hijikata-san to commit seppuku because he can't do his Diary Writing Hour.
Eh… well, since this is Hijikata-san's diary, I think he would probably say something along the lines of the following.
Damn! Why are Souji and Tet… I mean, Ichimura stuffing foul-smelling, un-candy stuff down my throat? Uh… I don't want to eat it, because medicine tastes horrible all the time!
Oh yes, and this is written permission for Souji to buy a new litter of pigs! Yes, that's right! A new litter of pigs! I, Hijikata-san, give him permission to take money from my pouch to do so!
Uh… what? Oh… and Ichimura can have the day off to go train in the dojo. Actually, the tea he serves taste great, and he's so obviously a grown-up man now! So I have given him permission to carry a sword!
Well, that's what I think he would say anyway. Medicine-feeding time is over, and I'm off to do patrol now, so bye!
Day Sixteen
There are things and there are things. I think that the important thing is that there are things because if there were only things then this world would be a seriously disturbing place.
Now, you must be wondering what I'm talking about, but that is a secret which I will not tell either of you, unless you really want to know.
But of course you do.
Now, I must be swift before the spikey-hair demon or the purple-hair demon returns to stand guard over me. If they found out I was telling all the secrets… they will destroy… destroy the world, yes, destroy the world!
So… the secret is… is… is… alas, the spikey-hair demon has returned!
This is Yamazaki Susumu. I was informed by Okita-san that someone needed to come in and do Hijikata-san's Diary Writing Hour for him in order to prevent Hijikata-san having to commit seppuku. Apparently, this was not necessary as Hijikata-san has already, in the spirit of loyalty and determination, carried out much of the Diary Writing Hour.
While most of what he wrote was nonsense due to the fact that he is still feverish and hallucinating (he keeps talking about a spikey-hair demon, but I don't see anyone in the room that fits that description). Needless to say, this show of determination to carry out Kondou-san's orders is the kind of behaviour we must all look up to.
Now, I must go around and try to un-convince people from calling Hijikata-san 'Daddy', though I fear I shall not succeed as Okita-san is far well-versed in the art of persuasion than I am.
Day Seventeen
Oh god… the horror! What have I done to deserve this? I know that my life as the vice-commander of the Shinsengumi has probably resulted in a long list of sins, and so I expected to be greeted by all sorts of torture once I died and went to hell.
But I never expected to be put in a scenario where Yamanami is my wife, and Souji and the Three Stooges are my children. Why? Haven't I suffered enough of their rubbish?
I must… I must do something… yes, I will do something!
I must kill them all! Never mind if I will be punished for this! Anything is better than having Yamanami as a wife! Why, I don't even think he can cook! And how on earth did he bear my children? He doesn't even have the proper… at least, I don't think he… oh god, this is a very disturbing topic. Never mind that! I shall destroy that… that thing and all the other things he has spawned!
And right after that, I can go write a haiku.
Yamanami can be a box of straw, Souji can be a piece of sashimi and the Comedian Trio can be the Three Little Pigs.
Day Eighteen
The old, wrinkled ball is poking my eye again! Why? Why must you do this to me? Watch as I retaliate! Have a taste of your own medicine, buster!
Um… this is Yamazaki Susumu again. I have decided that for sanity's sake, I shall have to do Hijikata-san's Diary Writing Hour for him. After all, it wouldn't do for him to keep trying to poke out the doctor's eye with his brush.
We are currently at the doctor's now because Okita-san had beaten up Hijikata-san. The doctor is trying to assess how bad the damage is, or at least that is what he says. I suspect he is merely trying to extend the time of our consultation because he charges his fee by the hour. Even I can see that the damage done is terrible. There is not an inch of Hijikata-san that is not soaked in blood.
Oh wait… Saitou-san, who has followed us to the doctor's, wants to write something.
This is Saitou.
There is a very dark shadow floating around you, Hijikata-san. Tomorrow you will be faced with one of the most terrible battles of your life. I shall send a prayer for you to the gods, but you must take care yourself.
Beware the fiery-head demon and the spiky-hair demon.
Day Nineteen
They have taken the front door and the side gate. They have crossed the table and are advancing past the half-way line of the room. The beast of fire and the beast of spikes advance. I cannot get out, I cannot get out. I am trapped. They are coming… they are coming…
I refuse to drink this foul concoction! It is a Choshu ploy to assassinate me! I shall break thy back before I drink this poison!
…
Why on earth does this tea taste so foul?
Oh wait, it's red. Tea isn't red.
…
I think I just drank the poison.
Oh alas, that I have to live to see the last days of my house! Hereby I perish, and all shall fall! Fall!
Why do I not have an heir to carry on my house? What, have I seduced so many women to my bed only to spring naught a son? Where is the one who shall carry on my bloodline?
Ha ha, Hijikata-san! You are a loser, loser, because you lost to me, the great Ichimura Tetsunosuke and a half-ass shinobi! Too bad, Mr Oh-I'm-So-Great-A-Demon-So-I-Can-Torture-My-Poor-Hapless-Page! You lost! You lost!
I am so going to get killed for this.
Ah well.
You lost!
Day Twenty
You know how I was complaining about how things never go my way? Apparently, that problem has been fixed. My wish has come true; I now have a son, Okita Souji.
And now that I've got an heir, I am going to kill him in the most terrible way I can think of so god forgive me.
Perhaps, you are wondering why I am so calm at the present. Well, that would be because there is nothing to do but to accept that the boy I have raised is the source of the rising number of lunatics in Kyoto, and it is thus my duty to end this menace before the whole of Japan goes crazy. It is my fate, and all I can do is lament that I have chosen the wrong boy to nurture into a great Shinsengumi captain with a strange knack for knocking the hell out of people.
…
Oh god, I'm going to kill Souji! Somebody stop me! Stop me before I regret killing the boy!
No! I must not falter, never falter! If I do not end his life, he will end my life, and it is obvious which the lesser evil is.
Thus he will die, even if it means Mitsu will never sleep with me because I killed her little brother, but that would be a lesser… slightly lesser evil. There is nothing more that can be done about this. I will just write a haiku and everything will be alright.
The wolves bay at the moon. The cub tries to slink away. I strike.
Farewell, Souji; it was nice knowing you.
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Um… I'm still continuing this fic, but I'll have to ask for requests as to whose diary you guys want to see because I have no idea myself.
Oh… and I'm writing an OkitaOC story that is a… little different from most OkitaOC stories. Would anyone be interested, because if no one wants to read it, I'll just stuff it into my collection of unpublished fics. Warning though, it's not much of a romance fic... um... it's hard to explain without giving the story away. Anyway, it's a weird fic, like all my fics... and mostly humour... like all my fics... um... yeah. So, if you would be interested, you could tell me too.
Anyway, it's time to leave a review to tell me if you love my fic, or just plain hated it!