Authors Ramblings: This fic is based on the song Sparks and Shadows written and sung by Twila Paris, I in no way claim ownership… it was just so perfect that I could not resist….
Sparks and Shadows
Cover a distance, love in-between us…
It was raining again. I could hear it pounding against the window as the strong winds howled causing the glass to rattle. I could feel the chill and smell the fresh moisture in the air that was infiltrating the small office through the old metal vents – once, ironically enough, used for heating. Though, of all these things nothing alerted me of the rain more than the soft growl that interrupted the silence. The soft growl that lingered on the lips of the man seated at the large wooden desk behind me for just longer than necessary.
"Ignore it sir" I stated calmly my liquid amber eyes glancing at the piles of paperwork stacked randomly all over the man's desk.
"But…" He started
"Ignore it" I said coolly, ignoring the feel of his deep onyx eyes on my person. He continued to stare until long after what would be deemed as proper causing me to sigh. "Sir, get back to work" I instructed him.
I heard the squeak of the leather chair as he shifted, then the soft scratching of his pen moving across the coarse paper of one of the many documents he had to attend to before the day ended. A small smile relaxed my tense features as I heard him continue with his work. Often the orders I gave him would spark an intense debate about a great many of things, usually resulting in the soft click of my revolver as I pulled back the safety.
Had I even attempted such a thing with any other of my superiors, I would have long since found myself standing in front of firing squad, but he was different.
Taking the opportunity to steal a glance of the raven haired attractive man, who was now profoundly involved in what looked like a complicated report. I smiled as I recognised the dully interested look in his eyes, as though he struggled to keep himself focused, and the pursed form his thin lips would take when he was forced to do something he didn't want to. Not to mention the way his shoulders tensed, like they always did when it was raining.
My eyes trailed to the gold stripes and stars on his shoulders, indicating his position as Colonel, just as my own signify my position as Lieutenant. He shifted slightly and my gaze travelled to the window which was still being pounded by the heavy rain.
As long as I could remember he had hated the rain. He saw it as his enemy; he was useless in the rain.
I heard the crack of my muscles as I rolled my stressed shoulders. It had been a long time now; we had travelled so far, him in front, and me always two steps behind.
When I am cold and afraid…
I shuddered; the cool air was beginning to make the office uncomfortable. Glancing up from the report I was reading I glanced at the old clock on the wall. Seven pm. I sighed, it was getting late.
"Something wrong Lieutenant?" He asked, his voice slicing through the silence.
"No sir" I replied uniformly, looking back down at the papers in front of me.
I heard him move, then the snap of his fingers. I was blinded momentarily as a large alchemic fire sprung to life in the metal waste paper basket next to my desk. Warmth flooded the air and my body cried out in happiness as I was overtaken by the feeling.
I looked at him and smiled in thanks. He nodded and we both returned to our work.
We had not always been able to read each other so. It had taken time – time spent firing from a roof top, burning cities, dragging him home from the local pub, debating and arguing, talking and listening, watching. Time I spent protecting him, while he protected me.
You are the secret spoken in silence, keeping the vow you have made…
I closed my eyes, partially due to the tiredness that was slowly overcoming me, partially in deep thought. The Colonel and I had always been there for one another. Him due to his belief in his subordinates, in his friends… he would never let them die, not while he still lived and breathed. For me it was loyalty, it was the vow that I made so very long ago... the secret that was spoken through my actions every day… my vow to protect him, to stand behind him until he made it to the very top, until he reached his dreams.
You hold me through sparks and shadows, you sing me awake…
"Do I dare ask if you are asleep? Hawkeye?" His voice questioned delicately,
My eyes shot open and my head snapped around to meet his gaze, onyx meeting amber. "Certainly not sir" I cried indignantly.
He smirked and relaxed back into his chair. "Just resting your eyes then?"
"In a manner of speaking" I said warily choosing to break the stare and look at the flames that sparked and crackled in the crisp night air. Smiling slightly I took in the gentle scent of smoke that emanated from the flames. It always reminded me of him, that smell, and on a dark night when the shadows of the past burdened my shoulders, I liked nothing better to sit in front of a fire, my head buried in a book, the smell surrounding me, holding me, awaking me from the darkness.
When night falls and my thoughts wonder, you stay... I love the way
"Go home Lieutenant" He said frowning.
Once again my eyes found his. "No sir"
He sighed in agitation. "I will order you Lieutenant"
I raised an eyebrow, "Permission to speak freely sir?"
"You don't have to ask me that Hawkeye… I've told you that before" He told me, but I waited all the same. He twitched as he gave in to my adamant stare. "Fine, you have permission to speak freely. Actually, you have permission to speak freely for the rest of the night if you believe you need it."
I rolled my eyes and chose not to argue. "With all due respect sir, you will be here all night if you make me leave," I said. He opened his mouth to cut me off but I held my hand up. "If not because of your inability to stay focused for longer than five minutes, then because the pile in front of me will be added to the stacks on your desk."
He closed his mouth as his eyes wandered to the collection of reports neatly organised on the corner of my desk. He sighed in defeat. "Fine, stay then" He muttered grouchily, trying his best to be the sore loser, even though he knew I caught the thankful look and the appreciative smile.
Carry the message deep in the hollow, hide it away underground
Another hour passed slowly. Two more hours and we would have to leave. We never stayed past midnight, mainly due to the seven page report that we would be greeted with in the morning that asks us to explain exactly why the military should provide us with more funds for overtime pay.
Although partially it was due to the value I placed on his health, he needed to go home and sleep, whether he thought so or not.
It was my way of showing him I cared, even on those nights where I would force him out of the building at gunpoint, I was suggesting no different than the simple request he had made of me earlier this night. The message hidden deep beneath the words, beneath the orders and the threats – 'you are going home you fool, so that I can love you tomorrow'.
There is a weary confidence fading, when it is lost, I am found…
He sighed loudly, deliberately drawing my attention towards him. "Is something wrong Colonel?"
He looked up at me, his eyes lingering on my face for a short while before he spoke. "Why do you do this? What have I done, that makes you sit here with me until," He paused and looked at the clock, "God, ten o'clock, Ri… Hawkeye"
I frowned. He had never before questioned my loyalty when he was sober. Most of the time it was when I was heaving him into his bed after getting a phone call in the middle of the night from a petrified Havoc who had been either threatened or burnt. Once the Colonel had said he was going to burn down the whole bar if I didn't come and get him, so I had rocked up in my pajamas, much to the pleasure of the occupants of the bar.
I shrugged, "I suppose because I know you won't get your work done sir" I replied lamely.
His eyebrow rose and his eyes narrowed. It was obvious that he was not satisfied with the excuse. I frowned and looked down at the work in front of me. "I really don't know sir"
"So you have dedicated your life to me, for absolutely no reason" He inquired
My head snapped up, and I stared at him with wide eyes. "That's not what I meant sir" I clarified hastily.
"Well?"
"My reasons are my own sir." I replied quietly. I had hoped he would drop it there and we could get on with our work. What I didn't expect was to be sent into the air in surprise as his desk was thrown forward, paperwork flying everywhere. I stood my mouth agape in surprise as I watched the papers flutter to the floor as he stood in front of his chair, fists clenched, absolutely fuming.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" He roared,
"Pardon?" I managed to ask, my anger stirring.
"I am not worth it Riza! Look at you; you're so exhausted your attention span is shorter than mine. You've probably been up since dawn, go home and go to bed! Leave me to do the rest of it, it's my fault that it's not done!" He spat angrily.
"No sir!" I snapped defiantly, although my temper began to waver as he walked towards me shaking in rage.
"Go home Lieutenant" He growled. He was so close that are noses were almost touching. I would have taken a step back had I not been able to feel the end of my seat digging into the back of my legs. I took in a shaking breath, the awkwardness increasing as I inhaled his cologne which had mingled with the soft smell of smoke and ash.
"No" I said "I am not going home."
"Why fucken not?" He asked crossly
I frowned and answered the question the only way I knew how – I kissed him.
You hold me through sparks and shadows, you sing me awake…
As he wrapped his arms around my waist I knew we were taking this too far. Our lips were crushed against each others as we hungrily savored the taste of the forbidden. His tongue gently made its way into my mouth, causing a soft moan to escape my lips. The kiss was rapidly becoming more passionate, and as much as my body screamed for his, I pushed myself away and stared at the ground.
"I will stand behind you Roy," I said, "I will stand behind you until the day that I can stand beside you… do you understand?"
"Yes" He answered simply before slowly walking back to his desk and beginning to pick up the scattered papers.
When night falls and my thoughts wonder, you stay... I love the way
An hour later and we both sat at our desks in an awkward silence. The only sound was the light pitter patter of the rain on the window, and the furious scribbling as both our pens dashed across the reports as we were running out of time.
"We could…"
"No" I cut him off, "Keep your mind on your work Sir"
"But what if…"
"I won't sir"
"But"
"I'll stay sir" I told him and the conversation ended as abruptly as it started.
The way you keep on tearing down these walls, and bringing near the very far…
"It's midnight" I stated coolly, glad that the night was finally over.
"Hmm" He mumbled looking at the clock. He stretched before looking over at me. "I'll walk you home"
"That is not necessary sir" I said
"No one said it was Lieutenant" He agreed.
My eyes narrowed, "Sir, I do not think it is appropriate."
He turned and looked at me with an incredible expression on his face. "You do not think it is appropriate for me to see my subordinate, my charge, home safely after she has completed six hours overtime because of my lazy arse"
I groaned. "Fine sir" I said giving in. He held open my coat like he always did as I slipped my arms in the sleeves then grabbed the last umbrella from the old stand near the office exit.
"I hope you don't mind sharing" He said as he opened out the black umbrella as we left the military building and headed towards the apartment block where I was currently living.
I shuddered as I looked at the Colonel. The umbrella wasn't particularly large and I soon realized that he was holding it so that I stayed dry – to his expense. My eyes softened as I watched the droplets run down his soft skin. Sighing in exasperation at his total disregard for his health I took his hand and pulled him closer looking at him apologetically for not saving him earlier. As I was watching him I slipped and fell into his waiting arms, and before I knew it I was standing under an umbrella, in the middle of the street, kissing my superior officer.
The way you keep gentle but insistent revolution in my heart…
I couldn't push away this time. I was too far lost in the passionate kiss, in the warm arms that held me close, in the smell of cologne and ash, even of the rain which now seemed to be soaking our skin as the umbrella was forgotten.
I love the way you are…
He pulled out of the kiss, but he continued to hold me in his tight embrace as though he thought he might wake up if he let go. "I love you Riza" he told me, his voice raw with emotion.
"I love you too Roy" And we stood in each others embrace, my head resting on his chest, his chin resting on the top of my head. It did not matter any longer that it was raining, or that what we were doing was so wrong. There was just love.
You hold me through sparks and shadows, you sing me… awake…
I had managed to convince him that we had to get out of the rain. We had quickly made our way to my apartment walking swiftly through the deserted streets. The umbrella had gone and we were now both soaked to the skin. It didn't matter though, it didn't matter that I was cold and wet, because all I could think about was his hand that was wrapped around my wrist protectively as we darted through the streets as the shadows danced around us in the dim light.
I fumbled with the key as I heard the soft bark of the pup on the other side of the door. He was jumping up against the door, ecstatic that I had finally come home to feed and play with him. My wet hand slid on the door knob as I managed to open it only to be attacked by the little dog who jumped with new found energy. "Alright Hayate" I said softly.
"Excitable, isn't he" The Colonel pointed out. I turned to find him still outside the door, looking uncertain about entering.
"He's hungry…" I muttered, "Are you going to come in sir?" I asked, "You should dry off at the very least, and I can lend you an umbrella…"
I trailed off as he entered the apartment his eyes darting around the room, taking in the sight. I left him standing in the kitchenette and wandered down the hall to the linen closet. I pulled out some towels and threw him one upon returning to the living area. "Dry off Sir, otherwise you will catch a cold" I ordered gently.
He regarded me silently as I turned on the kettle and began preparing Hayate's food, a dry towel wrapped around my shoulders. The little dog yapped merrily from beside me, his paws sometime climbing up my legs as he tried to get closer to the food on the bench. He sneezed and I looked over at him. "The bathroom is just down the hall. Grab a fresh towel and have a hot shower, I'm pretty sure I have some of your clothes around… at least a spare uniform"
He nodded and grabbed a second towel before heading towards the bathroom.
When night falls and my thoughts wonder, you stay… I love the way
I was rummaging through my draws in search of some of the Colonels clothes that I had long forgotten to return. Dragging out a dry shirt and black pair of casual pants I turned around only to find him resting against the door frame, watching me with a small smile on his face. There was a towel wrapped around his hips, and I did a double take as my eyes met his bare chest. "Colonel" I cautioned as he took a step towards me.
"Yes Riza?" He questioned smirking at the blush that had found the way to my cheeks.
I replied by throwing the clothes at him and scurrying out of the room, closing the door behind me. "Males" I mumbled to myself breathing deeply, my back against the door I had just closed. I wondered if I should have slapped him, just to get the thought out of his head. I shook my head when I realized that I had ran because I knew I could not resist, and we had already taken this too far… hadn't we.
He opened the door, causing me to fall back slightly. I shifted my weight, regaining my composure as strong arms slipped around me. I turned around in his arms and looked in his eyes.
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked gently
"Yes"
You are the only truth in existence, why would I reach for more…
I woke up in his arms, a smile gracing my lips as my gaze rested upon his peaceful face as he continued to sleep. Light penetrated the room through the gap in the blinds, warming the skin of my arm that had not been protected by the thick blankets that we were entangled in. I moved slightly, struggling against him, trying to get a better view of the man who I had loved for so long. The reason I lived. The only one I wanted.
You are my future, here in the present, all that has gone before…
A content sigh escaped his lips as the gentle sunlight touched his face. He opened his eyes slowly, looking surprised when they beheld me. "I thought it was a dream" He admitted huskily, pulling me closer.
"I have always been here" I said softly.
He gently kissed my neck. "Yes, you have" He agreed
"I always will be"
I felt him smile. "I know"
You hold me through sparks and shadows, you sing me… awake
We stayed in the serene embrace for a long time before I said it was time we got up. The sun had risen and it was time that we left for work.
"I don't want to" He whimpered burying his head in the nape of my neck.
I groaned, "We still have a lot to do Colonel"
"Which is exactly why we should stay right here" He muttered.
I rolled my eyes, and sat up, somehow managing to escape his grasp. I crawled over him, shuddering as my bare feet met the cold wooden floor. The cold air bit at my exposed skin making me pull on the night shirt that had been thrown on haphazardly. Moving quickly in an attempt to warm up I went to the cupboard and took his clean and pressed uniform that had hung in the back of my wardrobe for weeks. After draping it neatly over the back of the chair next to me, I grabbed a uniform of my own and left the room.
When I returned he was still snuggled under the blankets. I frowned. "Get up sir!" I exclaimed before pulling open the blinds and dragging the covers off him.
When night falls and my thoughts wander, you stay…
I pressed a cup of coffee in his hands as he entered the living area. Smiling as I looked at his ruffled hair and the annoyed frown on his face. I continued to rush around; feeding Hayate and cleaning up from the night before, as he slowly sat down at the table and relinquished the taste of the warm liquid.
"Riza?" He questioned delicately.
I stopped and looked at him.
"Will we ever…" He trailed off, unsure of whether he should finish.
"I will stay back till midnight every night if I have to. You will be the Furher, and I will stand beside you"
He smiled.
I love the way…
I had left before him. I was always early, he was always late, there was no point in raising suspicion by arriving at the same time. My head was buried in paperwork when he entered. We still had so much to do. "Your late" I pointed out coolly, as I always did.
"Sorry Lieutenant" He grumbled, as he always did, and the sound of laughter could be heard from through the office door, as it always could.
To everyone else the day continued as if nothing had happened. The rest of the world missed the silent glances, the small smiles, the soft touches. They didn't see the promise of love, the vow to be there for one another for now, and forever.
Sparks and Shadows