"Anyone else... they could have picked absolutely ANYONE else, a monkey even, and that would have been preferable! ALL the people here in the hospital, and they had to go with him!?"

It was late afternoon and Usagi had just been reunited with Ami and Rei. The girls had come over as quickly as they could, thrilled to hear she was awake at last. After the initial hugs, Usagi quickly filled them in on what had transpired with Mamoru, unable to keep from loudly venting her frustrations.

Ami patted her arm sympathetically from her spot on the bed beside Usagi. "I'm sorry, Usagi-chan. I know it's not an ideal arrangement. But if the hospital doesn't have much manpower to spare, then it can't be helped, and he does sound like one of the most qualified for the job."

Usagi groaned. "He hates me. He hates me and I hate him. It's going to be miserable. Worse than a month straight of detention. I really don't want to do this!"

"Well... why are you?" Ami hedged, in an uncharacteristically uncertain voice. "You could have told the doctor you're uncomfortable with this set-up. Perhaps he could have looked into another candidate."

"And let that jerk win!?" Usagi exclaimed, shaking her head vehemently.

"Usagi, that's ridiculous," Rei cut in. Usagi could imagine the crossed arms and downturned brows all too clearly, as she turned to bluster in the priestess' general direction.

"It is not! You just... you don't understand, Rei-chan. You don't know how it is with him."

"I know that it's ridiculous you're whining and complaining when you are the one who agreed. And maybe while you're at it you could show a little more gratitude? He's helping you... he's helping you in a way no one else can!"

"Rei-chan..." Ami inserted, like a scold only gentler.

Rei's voice was shaking in the way it so often did when she was losing her cool with Usagi. Usagi had to bite her tongue very hard not to turn this into a full out argument. Sometimes being with Rei was a lot like being with Mamoru. She quickly changed the subject to something that would not result in one of them screaming at the other, even if her insides were still broiling at the 'ungrateful' comment. What did Rei think, that Usagi wanted to be in this position?

"So how did you end up defeating the monster?" Usagi asked, a bit stiffly. She kept her query low in case anyone walked by the door at just the inopportune moment.

"Your wand," Ami answered, her voice taking on the sort of intrigue she usually exhibited when encountering an equation she could not immediately solve. "When you went down, we... we thought that was it. We thought all hope was lost. But then... suddenly, it was like, we all knew what to do - without even talking about it. It was eerie. Rei-chan can back me up on this. It's kind of like... we all heard a voice in our heads telling us to grab the crescent wand. I have no idea how but it worked. We pooled our powers and the wand acted like a conduit, taking our different attacks and magnifying them into something more; something so much stronger than we could have created alone. I don't think I've ever felt as, well, as complete as I did in that moment. Like I'd come into my full powers. We completely obliterated the creature."

Usagi listened with rapt attention, ruminating on the crescent wand and just how little they apparently knew of its abilities. But there was also the slightest feeling of jealousy, niggling deep in her gut. "I thought I was the only one who could operate the wand." I thought that was what made me the leader.

The awe was still dancing around in Ami's voice as she answered, chuckling, "Well, there is still truth to that. We had to recover for days. It left all of us utterly exhausted, not just physically but our magical reserves were depleted too. I struggled to even maintain my transformation. You make it look easy!"

That momentarily sated the blonde, and she relaxed against the pillows. "I'm glad you were able to get rid of it."

"As are we," Rei said, quietly. The quiet remained for a few seconds longer, then Usagi heard Ami rustling around in her book bag. She was about to moan over what she figured was the impending emergence of a textbook, never having felt less like studying, but the girl was surprised when she felt something cool, metal and familiar sliding into her hands.

"Speaking of the wand... I thought you might want it back," Ami said, only to be interrupted with Rei's razor sharp,

"Ami-chan. I thought we discussed this."

"We did. And I disagreed with you."

Usagi's eyes widened from beneath their bandages, catching on to the meaning of their words with a foresight she didn't usually possess. Her heart skipped a beat.

"You want to keep it?" she whispered, her fingers tightening unconsciously around the handle.

"No, Usagi-chan-" Ami began, but was once again derailed by Rei.

"Of course we do! What if there's another attack like the one we faced downtown, huh? What are we supposed to do, twiddle our thumbs and watch while the city falls around us? That wand is our only chance."

"But it's mine," Usagi countered, cursing the thick burning sensation in her throat, and how petulant she sounded right now. But it was true. This wand was the symbol of everything she was as a Senshi. It made her their leader. It gave her her ultimate power. Without it, she was... she was...

Leave it to Rei to coax out the inner demons she had been terrified to uncage.

"Face it, Usagi," the shrine priestess intoned flatly. "You can't fight anymore. You're a liability in the battlefield. The wand is useless to you. At least leave it with us where we can stand a freaking chance against these things!"

"Rei-chan!" Ami shouted, appalled. Usagi barely registered her reaction though, so shaken was she by Rei's harsh words; harsh but true, all of it. They rattled around in her brain, refusing to relinquish their awful hold. Useless. Liability. The noose of her dark new reality wound ever tighter against her neck, and she felt suffocated by the loss of all that made her important in this world.

"It's true, Ami-chan!" Rei fired back, in just as noisy a fashion. "She can't be Sailor Moon anymore! And you, you sit there trying to placate her like there's nothing wrong, like she's not... like she's not..."

Rei's voice broke, broke like a vase crashing to the ground and shattering into a thousand tiny pieces, and she turned tail and raced from the room, the door slamming behind her. The silence left in her stormy wake was almost painful, both remaining girls breathing heavily and not quite sure what to say in the tattered quiescence that followed. Ami was the first to make the tremulous attempt.

"Usagi-chan... she... she didn't mean it like that..."

Usagi slowly slunk down the pillows until she was recumbent, still clutching the returned moon wand for dear life. Her tone was affectless as she answered, "Of course she did. Rei-chan is nothing if not brutally honest."

"Usagi-chan, you didn't see her..." Usagi felt Ami's cringe as the girl realized her poor phrasing, but still the erudite plodded on, desperate to make her friend understand. "She was barely holding on by a thread the entire time she was in here. It kills her to see you like this. She blames herself. We all do."

"Is that why Mako-chan didn't come today?" Usagi whispered, softly rubbing the sharp edge of the crescent against her lips as she continued connecting the dots she didn't want to connect. "She's not really under the weather, is she. She's scared to see me like this, too."

"Usagi-chan..."

"To see me weak. Weak and useless."

"Usagi-chan, stop it!" Ami cried, grasping at the blonde's shoulders and giving her a little shake. Usagi found herself wishing she could weep again, but the absence of tears made her lay there in stony avoidance. "Yes, Mako-chan was afraid to come today. So was I. This isn't easy for us, and we all deal with our fear and our pain and our guilt in different ways. Mako-chan withdraws. Rei-chan takes shelter behind her anger. And I... I read up until all hours of the night on optometry and try my hardest to solve the puzzles that cannot always be solved."

The blue-haired fourteen-year-old laughed bitterly; self-deprecatingly.

"But you! You have always been the strongest of all of us, Usagi-chan. You cannot give up. Don't sentence yourself to a life of despair and inaction because all seems hopeless right now. We will find a way to get you back out with us again. This is not the end. Do you hear me? It's not the end!"

Usagi smiled wanly at her certainty, wishing she could feel that confident. But that day seemed a million miles away, lost to the prospect of having to re-learn such simple things as how to cook a meal or cross a street without someone having to constantly guide her way. She slowly relaxed her death grip on the handle of the moon wand, feeling like she was having an out-of-body experience in the time it took to carefully pass over the rod and let it go into Ami's unwilling fingers... the transfer of power complete.

"Usagi-chan... no..." Ami protested, meekly, trying to push it back.

"Ami-chan, it's okay. I'm not giving up. I'm just being practical," Usagi said, refusing her hands. "Rei-chan's right. I have no use for it right now. But you guys do. Protect the world in my stead. Please."

Ami swallowed so loudly, Usagi heard it. She was still very reluctant, but she agreed, "Just for a little while, okay?"

"Sure," Usagi returned, with a smile that didn't extend beyond her mouth. Ami seemed to sense that her friend was still down in the dumps, so she reached out and tenderly rubbed the top of Usagi's hand in a comforting motion.

"Hey. They'll come around. You'll see. Just give them a little time," the scholarly teen reassured. And again, "This isn't the end."

Usagi nodded, but the act was really just reflex at this point, because inside she was still mourning the loss of her crescent moon wand and in effect her title as Senshi leader, and as much as she tried not to think this way...

It sure felt an awful lot like giving up.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Author's Note: Please don't hate me please don't hate me please don't hate meeee... It's always gotta get bad before it gets good, right? I promise your faith will be rewarded in due time. This was definitely a hard one to write. I LOVE Rei, and the friendships between all the Senshi really, but especially Usagi/Rei... so to write them at odds like that in a way that wasn't playful... it was painful for me! But necessary. In the end this is gonna help both of them come to terms with everything. I think an older Rei would've been a little less abrasive, but this is season one Rei, and that Rei was still learning to appreciate Usagi. She was less open with her feelings, so I think her first instinct in a situation so out of her control like this would be to get mad. She wouldn't want Usagi to know she's hurting... that she affects her like that. How do you think I did?

Next chapter: Usagi goes home at last, but she's still struggling with the fallout from the events seen here. Then... the first lesson! ;) How horribly do you think this'll go, eh?

Also... I wasn't going to, but I have since decided to do chapter titles. It'll be fun to try and pick one thing - one item, one person, one theme... you catch my drift - that is predominantly featured in the chapter and have that as the title name. So yeah. Be on the look out for those new titles and see if you can guess what each means/what its relation is to the chapter :D

Much cookies and thanks to the following reviewers: Astraearose-silvermoon, haruka-usagi-forever, TropicalRemix, Oreo596, karseneau1, Aya Faulkner, Rufael, Moon Bunny, James Birdsong, lashun316, jessielee14, Guest (x2), Jenbunny, usakobunnymoon, Daire123, CassieRaven, and Amy. I squee'd reading every one and love hearing your theories, hopes, and favorite bits!

Until next time,

AngelMoon Girl