Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Being back on the set was like finding my centre again; the Doctor on Thursday morning aided it further by permitting me to resume light training on my legs. My ankle would need to be strapped for support daily, and I wasn't to wear heels but as long as I didn't overdo it and didn't make it my dominant fighting leg, I was fine to pick up my life somewhat normally again. Roy was thrilled; I was relieved I needed normalcy amongst the craziness of LA.

Thursday became a long day on set and then in the studio gym, Friday even longer. Even with those long days that had seen Roy having to support me up the stairs and into bed both nights, I still wanted to film Saturday; Roy said no. He wanted me to train a little daily but to rest as I had a whole week of filming ahead if we were going to try and make up for some of our delays. It was a reasonable plan, but it annoyed me nonetheless. When I was still grumpy on Saturday morning over it, he had merely chuckled in understanding, apologised for not being able to provide me with an alibi and then kissed my head before leaving to spend the day with the Irish hairdresser.

I spent the morning finally cooking those meals for Nat and then left for the studio to train. He came in as I was finishing off my martial arts warm-up sparing session, not that I saw him; the training floor was locked, but I knew he was there. He stayed through the weapons training and a low aerial silks training session- Roy wasn't present for me to do the high silks, nor had the Doctor signed off on those yet, and he stayed through two run-throughs of the blindfold routine. When I had cooled down and showered, and I couldn't drag my feet any further, delaying the inevitable, I went up to the office where I knew my trainer, as always, was waiting for me for our post-session debrief, where I knew he was also waiting for me.

He sat patiently in a seat; he didn't try and gain even an acknowledgment from me as I walked in. He waited as Scott went through what he could see were the impacts on my muscles after missing nearly two weeks of proper training, of how my body was naturally now altering to protect my injury and the effect of that on my fighting stance. He waited as Scott went through what he would recommend to Roy for filming this week and what he hoped could be put off until I was stronger. Only after Scott stood, gave me my meal and fluid recommendations for the day, and then left did he even shift in his seat. He didn't speak; he waited for me to do that.

"I put you on the access list."

"Yeah, I found out when I got here. I was ready to bribe my way on set, but it turned out it was unnecessary."

"You have phone access as well." He doesn't respond to that; I try and fill the silence. "Though if you call the studio, try and avoid using the word emergency in the request; they will literally stop filming for me to take it. Erica, unfortunately, learnt that the hard way; she had to sit through a lecture from Roy on what the word emergency means. I swear he almost made her write it out thirty times; I stopped him though, much to Erica's relief."

"I'm sure she was grateful to you for that." He takes a deep breath, "thank you for the access; it's appreciated and a relief, especially after you left so quickly on Wednesday when Roy turned up and haven't returned my calls since. I didn't know if…"

"I haven't changed my mind. I said I'd try, that we could take it slow."

He sighs and leans forward in his chair, "I didn't realise it would be glacial slow."

I try and make him understand my need for space. "Dylan, Tuesday and Wednesday were a lot, the whole six day's were a lot with you, Brandon, Val, the gang, Dani and Patrick; I just needed to digest it all."

"Can I not be included in the same list as that asshole?" His tone takes on a sadness that I know he's not doing to make me feel guilty, "I'd like to think our time together, but especially Tuesday and Wednesday, wasn't something that required digesting. I'd like for you to see us as positive."

"I told you that I'd try-"

"You told me that you would stay and not run. I knew that didn't mean that you'd take up permanent residence in our home as much as I want you to, but I did think it meant you would at least return my calls, maybe not practically sprint out the door into Roy's arms as soon as he arrived on our doorstep."

"Roy and I had a lot to discuss, and I missed him. I said goodbye; I thanked you for taking care of me, and he thanked you-"

"Brenda, this isn't about me feeling unappreciated. This is about you running out the door with a peck on the cheek and then absolute silence since. It feels a lot like runn-"

"I put you on the walk-on and phone list."

"Yeah, you just didn't return my calls, my many calls to tell me."

"They've been really long da-" he finally looks at me, his intense stare stopping me from finishing my sentence; he's not going to buy that excuse. I stop myself from squirming under those eyes; I hate this, feeling so unsure of myself. I swallow and try again, "I don't know how to do this."

"Do what? Us?" He continues to hold my eyes, leaving me nowhere to hide. I nod.

He exhales, then stands up and moves around the table to my chair; he pushes my chair out and kneels before me. "Okay."

Huh? "Okay?"

He lifts his arms and places his hands on my outer thighs. "Okay, Baby. Glacier slow; if that's what you need, then it's what we'll do." He smiles. "Thank you for adding me to the list."

Huh? "You're not ma-"

"I told you I never get mad."

"I didn't buy that line the first time you said it at Mulholland, and I now know it's absolutely not true."

"I have never got mad at you, frustrated, absolutely. Annoyed, maybe once or twice. But never mad." He leans in while at the same time pushing me forward to the edge of the chair. "You sure you weren't trying to run?"

He's aiming for understanding, but this close, I can see the fear in his chocolate eyes. "No, I added you to the lists first thing Thursday morning. I just… it's been a while since I've let anyone into my life to share it. I just didn't know what to phone and say. I didn't think you'd want to talk to me half asleep when I finally got home at night or hear from me when I'm on set in Lara mode. I didn't-"

He kisses me; it's gentle at first, but when I run my nails down the nape of his neck, he losses that calmness. A few minutes later, he pulls his lips away though he doesn't remove his hands that have moved under my skirt to bring me closer to him. "I want you to phone at any time; if it's when you are half asleep, I'll stay on the line until you are sound asleep; I like my voice being the last thing you hear. If it's you in character on set, well, I'll enjoy the English accent and basking in your amazing talent. If you ring with nothing to say, that's fine too. I'll just enjoy listening to you breathe; it's calming to me."

I run my nails over his scalp and watch the flash of want run through his eyes, "okay, I'll call and talk even if I don't have anything to say." He smiles, and I lean in closer. "I'm all talked out now; I honestly have done nothing but work since I left Wednesday afternoon, nothing exciting to tell." My nails gently touch the spot he likes on his neck his pupils get darker. "Though if you wouldn't mind, you could help me with something?" He raises an eyebrow in question, "I mean, you heard Scott, I need to keep moving to ensure I don't lock up my muscles. Want to help me with that?"

When we were finally presentable, we left her training gym. As we descended the stairs, my unease started to grow again. She was good, well, she was fantastic at connecting with me physically; her body could tell me the things that her mouth was now not able to, but I wanted more than that. I wanted all of her, and the last few days had confirmed that her giving me that would take patience and a lot of work from me. Bren had always been so open with me; it had always been natural for us to let each other in; this change in our dynamic would require a lot of adjustment.

When we got outside, I could see the Range Rover was in the parking lot, the one she had used to leave Kelly's in that night. She could escape me.

"You're back driving."

"My Doctor was impressed with how well I had healed this week; the ankle, as you saw, needs to be tapped, but he has given me some freedom again. Driving to and from the studio, one of them."

"No Saab today?"

"Roy has taken the Irish hairdresser to Santa Barbara. She told him she found a bakery down there that could almost make brown bread as good as home. He's a sucker for bread. They are taking the coast road, so the convertible seemed the right car to take."

"Santa Barbara is far. It sounds like he'll be gone all day. Do you have plans for the rest of the day?"

With her now wearing sunglasses, she's harder to read, but I can still feel her unease. "I thought I'd go for a swim, and then I told Nat this morning that I'd have dinner with him."

"You went to The Pit this morning? I didn't see you there." She must have arrived early or after I left for my AA meeting. Maybe her avoiding me was more intentional than she was letting on upstairs.

"No, I rang him when I was driving over here. I finally cooked this morning, so I wanted to arrange a time to drop them over."

"You cooked at our house."

"Yes, for us, but when I started to cook for … well you know that all our prep needed to be thrown away."

"The onions were a little too brown anyway I obviously need closer supervision in the kitchen. Maybe you could try and give me those lessons again."

She smiles, "cooking may be too complex though you know how to cut and wash pretty well."

"Well, as long as I have my uses." I sigh, patience. "I'd like to spend the day with you. I want to be around you. Swimming, filling Nat's freezer, whatever you want to do sounds great…" when she doesn't respond immediately, I add, "I've missed you."

She nods, "okay. Well, then, I guess I'll see you back at my place; it's where I planned to spend the afternoon."

It took about an hour for me to see her get comfortable. I gave her a wide berth, not wanting to crowd her space more than I was already. She did laps for about forty minutes while I read by the pool. When she finally stopped and splashed me a little, I knew it was her attempt at making me feel wanted there. I joined her in the pool after that and then in the spa. We had a late lunch outside, listening to a Door's album while we read and occasionally chatted about whatever came up. When she went upstairs to shower and dress for dinner, I followed, I didn't want to leave, and she had yet to offer me to attend dinner with her and Nat. I leaned against the vanity as she was under the spray.

"So, are you and Nat just eating at The Pit?"

"No. I'm meeting him at his place, and then we are going to his favourite Italian restaurant in the Valley. He swears it's like how his grandma used you to cook for him."

"Are you able to drive that far on your ankle?"

"To Nat's? Yeah, that's fine."

"No to the Valley cause if you need-"

She turns off the taps and then climbs out of the shower, wrapped in a towel a few seconds later. She moves over and stands in front of me; I instantly reach out to pull her hips closer to mine. "Nat's driving me to the restaurant in his truck." She touches my face, "I haven't been able to go on my usual walks, and with filming starting back up again, I now have little time with him. I-"

"You want to spend an evening with your honorary father alone."

"I know he's your family too, but if you are there, it becomes about us. I'll be focusing on you and in my head worrying about-"

I put my finger over her lips, and she stops. "I get it. Glacier slow." I lift my finger and play with her wet hair.

"I'm not running."

"I know you're just trying to figure out how to let me in."

"I'm trying to stop the voice that yells danger every time you're near."

I kiss her, and she deepens the kiss; when I begin to kiss up to her ear, I whisper, "what's it yelling now?"

She reaches up on her toes to find my lips once again, "nothing, I'm in the quicksand, no thoughts are registering besides I want I need more of you."

I pick her up, and she wraps her legs around my hips. I love this connection, I crave this connection, but I'd like it to be there once again in everything. Small steps.

Sunday morning, she answered my call. She's on her way to training, and then Roy is taking her on an adventure; she doesn't know where just that he's missed her and has asked for the day. She didn't tell me yesterday his thoughts on us together, and I try not to read too much into him monopolising one of her only days off this week. I try to think that being away he just misses her; even if they live together, and they are on set for hours on end daily, even if she spends most of her waking hours with him. I try not to let my jealousy rise. I knew that I was fitting into her life now, and he was a big part of her life now.

Monday morning, I send flowers to the set for her trailer; I want something in there reminding her daily that I'm here. Throughout my morning, I check my phone to see if she calls to say she got them. My counsellor noticed my distraction throughout our session and asked if I was avoiding the SAT discussion or if my phone was really that interesting today. I explained to her what was going on. I'm trying to connect with Bren to be a part of her life and make space, but she's putting up roadblocks. The crafty Doctor draws the similarities between Bren trying for the same thing back then when she wanted to discuss College and me today.

I spent the rest of the afternoon writing about the many roadblocks I put up for her from the start, the ones she patiently deconstructed with me. I then write about the one, that summer one, that massive roadblock that I refused to be honest about that I put in between us, the one that I wasn't even honest enough to admit until the end of our relationship that it was even there. The one she had crashed against for months, bruising herself while I pretended there was nothing different. I'm calmer when she calls that night, she is exhausted but thankful for the flowers. She has been honest about her roadblocks, and I know I helped build them with her. I can wait while she learn and I show her that I can be trusted again.

On Wednesday morning, I'm woken by her lips on mine. It's dark out still, but even with the lack of light, I know I'm not dreaming; I know the hollowness of kissing her in my dreams. It doesn't fill me the same as her in real life. I finally pull back when I roll us over and have her captured beneath me.

"Happy Twenty-First Birthday, Dyl!"

I smiled and bit my lip; she remembered. I didn't expect it; I didn't want to get my hopes up. "How-"

"How did I know? I wouldn't forget this date." I tickle her slightly; that's not the question I was going for. "Oh, how did I get in here? Well, I still have the key you gave me from our week. If you want, you can have it back-"

"Don't you dare. I told you that week that this was our place, that if we were going to do this, I wanted us to be all in. Different from last time, I wanted you here more than anywhere else. I like that you kept the key to our home; I love that after everything that happened last year, you couldn't part with it." I kiss her, "that's the best birthday present you could give me."

"Oh, so you don't want the other ones? Well then, I should get dressed, and I'll know in the future that red lace isn't your thing." When she mock tries to get up, I keep her firmly in place.

Another wave of euphoria rushes me; she says future like she is starting to see one believe that there is one. I don't think I'll be able to wipe this smile off my face for the whole year. "Oh no, I didn't realise that you were wearing my birthday present it would be rude not to unwrap it."

An hour later, dawn is just about to break, and we are in the kitchen eating one of the cupcakes she made for me. "I should go. I have to be in hair and makeup at six-thirty."

I groan and pull her closer, "Roy is a slave driver. Are you getting any sleep?"

"Yes, I get at least five hours at night, and I nap in my trailer during scenes. We are just trying to shoot double-ups to gain back some of the time, the insurance won't cover as much of the delays as we like, and the lot space is booked by someone else from December, so we need to catch up some." She kisses me again, "Brandon rang and left a message inviting me to your birthday party at the After Dark tonight."

"He refuses to let me be here alone, hoping for you to come over. A club celebration is not my thing, but with how the gang is, I think the less opportunity to converse, the better, and I know you wanted to keep us quiet, so I thought the club would help with that. You can pretend the music is too loud to avoid an uncomfortable question."

"Okay, we are filming a night scene tonight, but I'll do my best to get there. It may not be till late, though."

"Even if it's just for a minute, it will make it the best birthday-"

"Better than Junior year when I threw you your first birthday party in this house?"

I move closer and pick her up, placing her on the kitchen counter, "oh, that wasn't just one birthday party; if I remember correctly, you wanted to make up for all the ones I'd missed. You gave each room a different theme. I especially loved the guest list that year; I think all parties should just be you and me."

She pulls back from our kiss, "I do need to leave." I groan. She giggles. "Any chance I can get my underwear back before I go to work?"

"Baby, they are my birthday present; it's not very nice to try and take back your gift to me."

She laughs, "McKay, I don't think they'll fit you."

"I don't plan on wearing them in a conventional way." Before she musters mock outrage at my comment, I'm back kissing her.

It's nearly ten-thirty, and I'm losing hope that she'll get here. Brandon, at around ten, moved to sit next to me, worried that I was getting frustrated; Susan had gone off with Clare to dance with the rest of the gang.

"Jones, I'm sure she is just caught up on set and will be here soon. If it were anything else, we would both know it."

"B, I'm not worried that she's hurt; I know I'd know that I'm just… it's been a week since he came back, and I've seen her twice since then, once for only an hour. I just…"

"You miss her." I nod. "You must have known it wasn't going to be like before; you guys were always inseparable; she's too guarded now for that."

"Yeah. Look, I get why she wants to keep it quiet, and I get why she doesn't trust this, I also know she is trying, and I know she wants us even if she can't say it yet…" I take a sip of my soda water, "it's silly, but she always made a big deal of my birthday's when we were together; even in freshman year, she made sure to have a coffee and pie slice with a candle waiting on my desk in our romantic poetry class. She missed last year, and well, she would have just found out about Val, so I now know why there was no card or phone call, but-"

"You want her here on your birthday. Well, brother, it looks like you will get your wish." As he says it, I feel her and turn to the club entrance; she's walking in with Roy and another guy I have never seen before. She makes her way to the VIP section and quickly moves to us.

"Happy Birthday, Dyl! Sorry, it's so late; the scene took longer to get than I thought." I can tell by her eyes that she is genuinely apologetic. Though, before I can answer, Roy jumps in.

"That's because I wasn't feeling it, but I'm hoping our little after-hours adventure aids in this. Mr McKay, you don't mind, do you? You see, Brenda and Shawn are playing old friends, they are supposed to have grown up together, but it's clear that that secret language that intimacy, shall we say, was missing from their performance this evening. I've assigned them homework for the rest of the week; they need to spend more time together and learn how the other moves. When Brenda said she was coming here tonight, I thought, what a marvellous opportunity to start the process."

What the actual fuck? B places his hand on my shoulder to keep me in my seat as he stands up. "Hi Shawn, I'm Brenda's twin; it's good of you to join us. Why don't you take a seat? You to Roy." He indicates to the ones across from us, "Sis, I haven't seen you in days; where's my hug?" As she gives him weird eyes at the request, she complies, and then he subtly moves down a seat giving her his old one to take, putting her between us, as he calls the waitress over.

As the waitress takes their orders, I whisper, "Is he playing a love interest?"

"No. There is supposed to be an undercurrent of that, but nothing overt; Lara's love interest disappeared in the last movie she doesn't know if he is alive or dead. If we do the third movie, he's supposed to come back and then it's the choice between the two of them."

"Okay, so this isn't Roy trying to put distance between us?" Her immediate glare makes me regret my question; shit, her loyalty to him is as strong as his is to her.

"No. He doesn't play stupid childish games like that, doesn't even think like that. He respects me, respects my choices. I told you we take our work seriously; he's a perfectionist; if he's not feeling a connection between Shawn and me, then it's up to Shawn and me to develop one. It's business, Dylan; it's my reputation; it's Roy's reputation. My world is bigger than just you now." With that, she stands, and Roy gives her curious eyes. "I love this song. I might go and join the gang on the dance floor. Excuse me." Before she leaves she takes off her jacket, and then walks to the dance floor; people part to let her through. She's a goddess in a tight black maxi skirt with a high slit and a dark sheer crop top that is tied just under her chest. The strength in her body is evident as is most of her tattoos.

Steve immediately sees her and picks her up, and spins her around. When she's back on the ground, I see Silver pounce. I'm on my way to the dance floor before my mind decides to go.