Twelve
It took a few hours for the shock of what had happened to finally register. She knew that countless people had been killed during Harrison's attack. That fact alone left her fearing that he would strike elsewhere. Harrison had targeted Daystrom because the meeting was being held in the first place. Her fists clenched at the thought. She wished there was more she could have done to prevent the attack from happening. Anything was better than the cold reality that gripped her.
She found herself sitting on a bench at the hospital just a couple of hours after the attack. Spock had finally led her to the hospital when Jim left them. Pike's death was only just beginning to click in as she stared at nothing in particular. She could feel Leonard's anxious thoughts as her own. Since they were closer in proximity with him working at the hospital, it made it harder for her to block out their mental link. She knew he was equally exhausted from the mental stress of it all as she was.
Her heart felt heavy due to the loss of so many innocent lives. She knew that there was nothing she could have done to stop it from happening. But that didn't mean she wouldn't blame herself. Her job was meant to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. And she had failed miserably at it. She was well aware that her job always came with such risks. Leonard's job wasn't much easier in that aspect. He always took it personally whenever he lost a patient, and she was usually the one to help pick up the pieces. Now that the roles were reversed, she suddenly hated feeling so helpless.
Pike was the one who encouraged me when others wouldn't, she thought after squeezing her eyes shut. He finally saw what her parents had done to her for years. And just when things finally started looking up for her, it all went downhill. She tried pushing the thoughts aside when she heard the sound of footsteps echoing down the hall.
Emily hardly had time to notice that Leonard was approaching her. She glanced at the doctor warily when she spotted his dark hazel eyes watching her with concern. She hadn't planned on seeing him after all of this. She wasn't in any hurry to face him after finding out that she was not only fired, but that she had been at the meeting in the first place. She knew he would have a fit the moment he figured out what was really going on. But at the end of the day, it wasn't as if she had any control over what happened. She swallowed hard when Leonard finally reached her and sat down beside her with a heavy sigh.
"That cut looks like it could get infected," was all he commented on. Emily grimaced when she felt him shift beside her so that they were sitting close together. She knew he likely had a few choice words for being there in the first place with a new injury. She didn't bother hiding the guilt flashing across her eyes as she glanced at him self-consciously. He knew her well enough to know what was on her mind without their mental link. She'd always lived with a guilty conscience before they started seeing each other again. Things hadn't gotten much better over time, but at least it was something they were both working on. "Em…"
She sucked in a breath when Leonard suddenly took hold of her hand and squeezed it gently. He of all people understood how much helping people meant to her. To be denied of doing so left her feeling anxious and frustrated. The contact only reassured the bond between them, sending a thrill of electrical pulses through her.
"I couldn't do a damn thing to save him," she finally muttered. Leonard's eyes narrowed as he guessed who she was talking about. Her fists clenched once again when she felt him shift once more so that she leaned heavily into his shoulder. "You should have seen the look in his eyes… Spock was only trying to make him feel more at ease."
"Dammit Emily, you need to stop blaming yourself for something you have no control over!" he scoffed after realizing what she was implying. She couldn't help but flinch at the underlying tone of his voice. "From what Spock told me, you could've killed yourself tryin' to heal his injuries."
She held back a sigh of frustration at the mention of Spock. At that point, she was ready to rip the bangs off of his forehead. She understood that Leonard did care about her; he hated seeing her spiral down the way she did after watching someone die. The problem was, she had been so used to watching people die throughout her life. When she lived with her parents aboard the Kelvin, she had watched countless people die during Nero's attack. And the string of attacks while she was around seemed to grow larger with each passing year. No one knew what sort of toll that would take on her. The only thing she did know was that they needed to stop.
"Better Pike than myself," she whispered under her breath.
Leonard stiffened at that. She was so afraid of admitting that she didn't mind if death claimed her. There were times when Emily found herself wondering if it would be easier for everyone if such a result took hold. Yes, it meant that she would lose everything, and there were a few people who cared about her. But eventually, they would move on with their lives. It wouldn't be the first time such thoughts had consumed her… and there was a time when she had been close to taking her own life, only for that to be taken away as well.
"I'd sooner pull out a hypo on myself than let anything happen to you," Leonard practically growled out the words when he suddenly squeezed her hand once more. Emily glanced at him in disbelief when she realized what he was implying. "You mean too damn much for me to lose you."
It took a few seconds for his words to sink in. Emily just stared at Leonard as she felt his hazel eyes searching hers. She hadn't realized until then just how serious he was being. Her heart sank even further after that realization dawned on her. She knew it wasn't easy for either of them, given their line of work. But she had reached those low points in her life where just ending it would be easier. It wasn't until hearing Leonard say that when she realized just how much he meant to her.
She knew in that moment that she couldn't do that to Leonard. Not when they had been through so much… and not when they'd gotten this far together in life. Emily swallowed hard at the thought. It was enough for her to realize that they both had so much to lose.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, suddenly wishing there was a reason behind her behavior.
"Don't go apologizing," Leonard shook his head after letting out a heavy sigh of his own. She watched curiously as he suddenly took hold of her hand once again and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I know you've been through hell, and this sure as hell doesn't help. You aren't alone, Em."
Her heart nearly swelled with joy when she realized what Leonard was insinuating. She hadn't realized until than just how much being able to hear such words meant to her. Leonard knew exactly what to say and at the right time. With a sigh of relief, she suddenly buried her face into his shoulder and allowed him to guide her into one of the rooms where he could scan her vitals.
"Thank you," she suddenly murmured when he found nothing life-threatening.
Leonard rose an eyebrow in surprise, but she didn't give him the chance to ask what she meant by that. Once he finished establishing that she had no further injuries, they made their way back to their apartment in comfortable silence.
Emily found herself leaning heavily into Leonard's arm as they walked side-by-side. What happened earlier tonight was enough of a reminder how fragile life was. She realized with a start that anything could and would go horribly wrong. She suddenly felt incredibly lucky knowing that she and Leonard had each other.
"Jim's going to need all the support he can get," she put in after realizing that she wasn't the only one suffering from tonight's attack.
"Yeah, and something tells me he isn't gonna listen," Leonard scoffed with a roll of his eyes.
Though he knew what she meant by that. Jim was the kind of person who needed someone pulling him up when he was down. It always seemed like Leonard was the one who did just that by knocking some sense into his head. Hopefully he would be able to do just that after everything that had happened.
Once they reached the apartment, it took a couple of hours for Emily to finally fall asleep. Memories of what had happened were still fresh, and Emily couldn't shake off the feeling that she could have done so much more. The last thing she felt before finally drifting off to sleep was Leonard's warm arms wrapped around her for comfort.
.
.
"Agent Coulson, Mr. Scott has found something at the wreckage that he would like you and Commander Kirk to see."
Emily bit back a groan of discomfort at the sound of Spock's voice through her com. It took her a few seconds to register that she had been wrapped in the bed sheets, her face buried into a nearby pillow when her com went off. Her head was still spinning with memories of what had happened last night.
She and Leonard had returned home from the hospital after discussing matters. Eventually, she finally drifted off to sleep after he managed to provide what little comfort he could. When she woke up the following morning, she noticed with a start that he had left already. At some point in the night, he must have moved her carefully so that she was resting on a pillow.
"Scotty!" Jim called to the Scotsman.
"Captain," Scotty greeted him before flashing Emily a charming smile, "I found this in the crashed jump ship, sir. This is how the bastard got away."
He was carrying a strange looking device, one that looked hauntingly familiar. Emily swallowed hard when she realized it was slightly similar to the device that Scotty had been working on – and a device that Tony was currently working on as well. She hadn't counted on the fact that some madman would be willing to go through with stealing Scotty's work, or Tony's for that matter.
"What do you mean?" Jim asked carefully.
"Jim, that's a portable transwarp device," Emily informed him, earning a look of surprise from Scotty, "Tony's been working on something similar, only, his is even smaller, and he wanted something that could send Thor back and forth without relying on Heimdal."
"Is there anything your SHIELD friends aren't trying to do?" Jim looked at Emily accusingly as she rolled her eyes.
"Tony would sooner kick your ass than admit he works for SHIELD," she retorted. Scotty's mouth open and closed for a few seconds, as if he wasn't quite sure he wanted to be part of this argument. "Can you figure out where he went?"
"I already did," he replied after collecting himself, "And you're not gonna like it."
Emily bit back a groan of frustration when she realized that Harrison had gone to the one place they couldn't. Scotty had only confirmed, letting out a sigh of frustration in the process. He knew Jim would likely follow through with what he'd explained. A shiver of unease swept through Emily at the thought of going anywhere near Klingon space. She knew nothing good would come out of it, but once Jim's mind was made up, it was impossible to change.
Jim shot off faster than Emily could react. She held back a sigh when Scotty finally left. Shaking her head at the thought, she decided it was better to follow Jim and Spock before things could get any worse. She followed them straight into headquarters where Admiral Marcus had a team of Starfleet members gathered.
"Admiral, sir," Jim cut him off as he interrupted the meeting in question, "He's not on Earth. He's on Kronos, sir. I request my command be reinstated, and your permission to go after him."
Emily stiffened when she realized what he meant by that. Going after someone like Harrison, especially on the Klingon homeworld, was pure suicide. She already knew that Leonard would have more than a few choice words for this one. Hell, her own mind was trying to wrack together ways to convince Jim otherwise. There had to be other methods they could use to hunt down Harrison rather than going into Klingon space.
"Give us a minute," Marcus told the others before pulling Jim aside, "Kronos?"
"Yes, sir," Jim nodded as she and Spock followed him and Marcus.
"So, Harrison's gone to the Klingon homeworld. Is he defecting?" Marcus.
"We're not sure, sir," Jim replied before Spock took over.
"He has taken refuge in the Ketha Province, a region uninhabited for decades."
"He has to be hiding there," Emily put in, ignoring the looks of surprise Jim and Spock threw her, "It's the only logical explanation. He knows that any sane person wouldn't go anywhere near Kronos."
She shot Jim a withering look that said it all. He was making a mistake. Probably one of the worst mistakes he could ever make. Something in the back of her mind kept telling Emily that this would only end in disaster. Revenge was never the right answer. She'd learned the hard way that it all came back to bite anyone in the ass.
"Please, sir," Jim pressed on, "Emily and Scotty could get the Enterprise prepared."
"Liaison Coulson is needed here while Mr. Scott prepares the ship," Marcus informed him, causing Emily to stiffen in surprise.
She hadn't expected Marcus to reassign her so quickly and with so little arguments. It was oddly reassuring to hear him explain that she had been reassigned to Starfleet. She just hoped that she could knock some sense into Spock's head when he reported her in the first place. As annoyed as she was with the way he'd handled the situation, she could also partly understand why he'd done so in the first place.
Once that was established, Emily left the building and tried to wrap her mind around what was happening in the first place. She had just made her way down the street when she spotted Leonard approaching her. The frown written across his face told her that he must have recently heard the recent news. Yet, she realized that he wouldn't have been around to hear said news if he was working at the hospital. She tried brushing off the unease.
"What were you doing at Daystrom the other night?" he suddenly asked once he caught up with her.
Emily bit back a sigh of frustration as she guessed where this was headed, "You might wanna take a seat for this." Leonard narrowed his eyes when he finally did just that, with her doing the same. "Spock filed a report due to cameras being installed on the ship."
It took a few seconds for those words to sink in. When they finally did, Leonard's eyes bulged to the size of full-moons. She knew it was embarrassing between the two of them. Considering what went on behind closed doors when they were alone, she couldn't blame him for feeling so pissed off.
"Why the hell were there cameras installed?" he demanded once this news finally sunk in.
"You can thank SHIELD for that load of bull," she retorted with equal annoyance. Leonard threw her a questioning look as she rolled her eyes, "Look, I tried talking to Maria about it, but all she said was that she isn't obligated to tell me why the damn cameras were installed. The only thing I do know is that I can't even trust my own agency."
Leonard let out a heavy sigh of frustration when he realized what that meant. She knew that they had been keeping their relationship a secret at the Academy for a reason. When Jim finally found out the truth, he had been furious. His reaction was to blame her for manipulating Leonard into believing that she wasn't a spy. The worst part was knowing that at one point, that was part of the reason behind her enlistment.
"So, you mean to tell me that those son of a bitches decided to spy on us?" he practically growled out the question, and Emily chewed the bottom of her lip when she caught the scathing look that followed.
"More than likely," she nodded reluctantly. "Leonard, you of all people should know that I wouldn't have agreed to that if I knew what they were doing."
"Yeah, I know you wouldn't," he nodded in agreement. He let out another sigh and gently cupped her hand into his, giving it a light squeeze. "I also know that you're not gonna let them get away with this bullshit, are you?"
"You're damn right about that," she scoffed knowingly.
Neither of them said much after that. She knew that if she allowed the anger to get the better of her, it wouldn't end well for anyone. The best thing she could do at that point was wait until they received word that Jim had gotten everyone ready for the next mission at hand. While she understand why he wanted to go after Harrison, a small part of her was aware that a manhunt wasn't the right answer. Anger and revenge never led to anything good.
She had learned the hard way that revenge was never the right answer. Going after those men who were responsible for all of the scars that now marred her body hadn't changed the past. It only turned her into what they were – a monster. A shiver swept through her at the thought. She never wanted to go down that bloody path again. Few people if any knew what she had done to those men. She'd hunted them down one by one, treating it as a game. By the time she reached the last man who had been a scientist working for some government agency, she ensured he knew she was coming for him. Seeing the terror in his eyes when she took his life had been satisfying.
Coulson was the one who eventually swayed her from that path. Though he knew that her actions had been justified, it didn't make her feel any less better. She wasn't any better than the man responsible for killing Pike and hundreds of others. She found herself glancing at Leonard self-consciously when she wondered what he would say if he knew about that part of her life. She hadn't had the heart to tell him the truth. She was terrified of how he would react knowing that she had killed people without mercy.
We told each other not to keep secrets from one another, she thought bitterly, knowing that eventually, she would have to tell him.
Her thoughts were shaken when they finally reached the hangar bay where everyone was meeting. After Jim sent everyone in the command crew a message through their coms, Emily knew that he managed to convince the Council to go after Harrison. Now that he had Marcus's permission, it would be easier for him to use the torpedoes that Marcus had recommended on the madman. Though, Emily realized with a start that firing said torpedoes on the Klingon Homeworld was the worst thing they could do.
It wasn't until they reached the hangar bay after changing into their uniforms that Emily caught Leonard struggling to catch up with Jim. After he'd missed his medical exam at the hospital, she had no doubt that Leonard was pissed with Jim for more reasons than one. The Captain had a tendency to avoid hospitals when he knew that he was in the wrong. Worst still was knowing that it would only goad Leonard on to make it personal.
"Jim, where were you?" he griped after closing the distance between them.
"For what?" Jim asked, looking flabbergasted with whatever point Leonard was trying to prove.
"Your medical exam. Ten hours ago, you were in a damn fire-fight. Now, it's my duty to ex…"
"I'm fine, Bones," Jim tried brushing it off, and Emily rolled her eyes at Jim's stubbornness.
"The hell you are!" Leonard grabbed him by the shoulder, enough of a notion for Jim to stop in his tracks for just a brief moment.
"Look, I'm fine," Jim rolled his eyes once they boarded the shuttle, "Now, just leave it."
"Jim, are you really willing to do something as stupid as avoid a medical exam?" Emily deadpanned.
"I'm willing to admit that everything is fine," he snapped without missing a beat.
Emily narrowed her eyes when she noticed that he was anything but fine. He just brushed off whatever attempts she made at making peace between himself and Leonard, which certainly would add to the tension during their shuttle ride. She knew he would go out of his way to avoid getting treated for whatever injuries he suffered from. It was simply in his nature to avoid medbay at all costs. But this wasn't the time or the place to ignore the fact that he'd recently been in a firefight with Harrison.
"Look, Jim, as both your friend and Chief of Medical, it's my job to make sure that everyone on that ship is healthy," he reminded him.
"I know, Bones," Jim sighed with a shake of his head. "Look, can we deal with this later?"
He turned towards the shuttle after that, leaving the two of them behind. She hated it when Jim refused to accept the fact that he probably did need help. It was just like his typical stubborn attitude to turn down the fact that he'd been caught in the fight and he refused to acknowledge it. She knew nothing good would come out of it, especially with Leonard in charge.
Part of her longed to feel that desire, to avenge Pike's death, and she understood where Jim was getting at when it came to the whole idea. But, in all honesty, she was terrified. She didn't want to admit that seeing Jim this way scared her, or that she knew he would likely make decisions that could jeopardize the entire crew.
She had already dealt with this kind of desire before, and it only ended in disaster. Emily knew in the back of her mind that nothing good would come out of the decision to go after Harrison.
"Come on. You can get a medical exam done while we're on the shuttle," she sighed after taking the lead.
Leonard threw her an incredulous look when he realized what she was implying. She knew he would more than likely try pulling off such a stunt if it meant making sure that Jim was healthy before the ship took off.
"Status report, Mr. Spock?" she heard Jim call as they took their seats.
She almost smirked when she caught Leonard trying to scan Jim's vitals.
"The Enterprise should be ready for launch by the time we arrive," Spock replied.
"Good, good," Jim replied.
Emily leaned back against her seat as she listened, wondering how many of the crew members knew what they were getting themselves into. Regulations made it so that reports were sent out to unsuspecting crew members, but this was also an emergency gathering. She crossed her arms over her chest at the thought.
"Captain," Spock continued, "Thank you, for requesting my reinstatement."
"You're welcome."
"As I'm again your first officer, it is now my duty to strongly object to our mission perimeters."
"Of course it is."
Well, at least Spock finally agrees with me on something, Emily thought as she realized she had been thinking the same thing. Jim had told her that they would fire the torpedoes on Harrison, regardless of whether or not he surrendered. She had been worried that something like this would happen, and that he'd act without thinking, once again.
"There is no Starfleet regulation that condemns a man to die without a trial, something you and Admiral Marcus are forgetting," Spock went on, "Also, preemptively firing torpedoes at the Klingon Homeworld goes against—"
"You yourself said the area is uninhabited," Jim reminded him, "There's only going to be one casualty, and in case you weren't listening, our orders have nothing do with Starfleet regulation."
"Wait a minute," Leonard cut in after hearing that report, "We're firing torpedoes at the Klingons?"
"Apparently," Emily muttered under her breath, knowing that the whole thing was wrong.
Not only would it invoke the wrath of the Klingons; it would also prove to every living being that was against Starfleet that they had been right all along. She highly doubted that Jim would think that far ahead, though.
"Regulations aside, this action is morally wrong," Spock voiced her thoughts once again.
"Regulations aside, pulling your ass out of a volcano was morally right! I didn't win any points for that," Jim snapped.
"Jim," Emily suddenly cut in after noticing that the scanner Leonard was using had suddenly spiked, "Did it ever occur to you how the Klingons would react to this? Don't you think this is just a little risky?"
"I'm not gonna take ethics lessons from a robot!" Jim retorted, ignoring her questions.
Emily only scowled in annoyance as Leonard leaned forward between the seats and placed a scanner on his face. Of course Jim was choosing to ignore her once again, even though he knew she was right. Somehow, that notion didn't surprise her.
"Reverting to name calling suggests that you are defensive, and therefore, find my opinion valid," Spock pointed out.
"I wasn't asking for either of your opinions… Bones, get that thing off my face!" Jim shouted, slapping the scanner away.
So, now my opinion doesn't matter when it's not relevant? Emily wondered, crossing her arms as she glared back. The fact that Jim was ignoring her entirely was what annoyed her so much. She knew he wouldn't have normally gone to such lengths unless the situation demanded it. And knowing that he was being completely ignorant to the fact that he was taking such risks meant he knew what he was getting himself into.
"Captain," Spock began after narrowing his eyes, "Liaison Coulson is right. Our mission could start a war with the Klingons. And it is, by its very definition, immoral. Perhaps, you should take a requisite time to arrive at this conclusion for yourself."
"You know, it's scary when Spock actually agrees with me," Emily muttered under her breath once again.
"Yeah, tell me something I don't know," Leonard rolled his eyes, looking up only once with renewed interest as a new face arrived in the shuttle.
"Captain Kirk, Science officer Wallace," a pretty looking blond woman introduced herself and handed him a file, "I've been assigned to Enterprise by Admiral Marcus. These are my transfer orders."
"You requested an additional science officer, Captain?" Spock asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise as Jim read the orders.
"I wish I had." Emily rolled her eyes when she realized Jim and Leonard were gawking at the newcomer. She recognized the woman immediately, though she dare not say anything out loud. She suspected Doctor Marcus wasn't meant to be on the shuttle, and after the few times they talked, she doubted the doctor would thank her anytime soon for pointing that out. "Lieutenant Carol Wallace. Doctorate in Applied Physics, specializing in advanced weaponry."
"Impressive credentials," Spock remarked.
"Thank you," she nodded to him.
"But redundant now that I'm back aboard the Enterprise."
If it wasn't for the fact that Spock had agreed with her earlier, she would have scoffed at that. There were plenty of other certified people she'd rather be on board with.
"Yes, and yet, the more the merrier," Jim replied with a smug look. "Have a seat, doctor." She did just that, sitting between Jim and Spock.
"Shuttle crew, standby for liftoff," the pilot announced over the com.
Emily took a deep breath as the shuttle took off, that dizzy feeling suddenly coming back. She felt relieved when Leonard took her hand and squeezed it gently once more, though he seemed more focused on his readings at the moment.
Once the shuttle had reached the Enterprise and docked, she breathed out a sigh of relief. The dizzy spells didn't occur often, but when they did, they hit her with full force. She knew the reason behind them. And, she would never admit openly to anyone that she was claustrophobic, unless the situation demanded it. Being confined in small spaces like the shuttle made it feel worse when she was surrounded by so many people.
She followed Jim to where the torpedoes had been placed, not missing the fact that Leonard had stopped to read the scans. With a roll of her eyes, she tried to keep a straight face as she spotted Scotty arguing with the representatives that Marcus had hired to deliver the torpedoes.
"No!" Scotty was yelling as they reached him, "I'm not signing anything! Now, get these bloody things off of my ship!" He stopped after noticing Jim and Emily approaching.
"Is there a problem, Mr. Scott?" Jim asked after rolling his eyes.
"Aye, sir," Scotty nodded and glared at the representative, "I was just explaining to this gentleman, that I cannae authorize any weapons on board this ship without knowing what's inside them."
"Mr. Scott raises yet another point that—"
"Report to bridge," Jim told him.
Spock pursed his lips for a moment, but he simply nodded and left them.
"Jim, he's only trying to point out the obvious," Emily muttered.
"Mr. Scott," Jim turned his attention to Scotty, and Emily cursed under her breath when he ignored her once again, "I understand your concerns, but we need these torpedoes on board."
"Due respect, sir," Scotty began with a sigh of frustration, "but photon torpedoes run on fuel. Now I cannot detect the type of fuel that's in the compartments on these torpedoes, because it's shielded. Now I asked for the specifications, but he said…" He pointed back to the man.
"It's classified."
"It's Classified. So I said, no specs, no signature!"
"Captain." They looked up to see Sulu standing above them, "Flight checks complete. We're good to go, sir."
"Thank you, Mr. Sulu," Jim nodded.
"Yes, sir."
Emily held back a sigh of frustration as she realized the mention of anything 'classified' could only mean nothing good. Whatever Marcus was hiding; she knew it wouldn't do any of them good if they didn't look into it.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, sir, I have a warp core to prime," Scotty muttered, pausing only to look at Keenser, who was sitting on one of the torpedoes. "Get down!"
"Jim," Leonard cut in after reaching them, "Your vitals are way off."
"Bones, report to medbay," Jim snapped with another roll of his eyes.
"Look, Jim, I know you're not going to listen to reason, but at least try and see how keeping those torpedoes on the ship, and firing them at Harrison is wrong," Emily sighed with a roll of her eyes. "If Marcus is keeping the information on those torpedoes classified, it can't mean anything good."
For a moment, it looked as if Jim actually might consider her advice. Scotty had simply nodded in agreement, looking more than relieved that someone agreed with him. Problem was, it was clear that Jim wouldn't agree with either of them. Seeing that cold look in his eyes wasn't right. She hated seeing this side of Jim, especially when she knew there were other alternatives to taking Harrison down.
"Report to bridge," he sighed after pinching the bridge of his nose.
She simply glared back before shaking her head, knowing that an argument wasn't going to get them anywhere. Things were already tense enough with the torpedoes on the ship, and the fact that they were on the hunt for a fugitive. This mission was really going to test her nerves.