Looney Tunes Underground X

By: PurpleCobra247

Rated M for adult language, violence, sexual content, and adult humor

(As ya'll know, I don't own Looney Tunes. They're owned by 'you know who'. Their designs for this story, however, belong to me. So are other characters that may appear. Enjoy!)

Chapter 1: One Word changes Everything

Ever thought that how you talk symbolizes your personality? Well, that's how it was with Bugs Bunny. Living in the streets of Looney York City, he lives in a life of hell. Mainly because he has the automatic "What's up, doc?" thing that never stops as much as he walks. Sure, he's got a voice of a mighty, but quiet warrior and a body of a strong man, but every time he let's out a "What's up, doc?", "How's it goin', doc?" or even a "How are ya doin', doc?", it really screws up the woman popularity in his life. No woman, young or old, would go out with him… all because of the "doc" issue. Now, at his young age of 22, he lives in luxury, but still… his life's a living hell.

One day, he stopped by the Acmeravinous Bar & Grill to meet up with his best pals: Daffy Duck and Sylvester. He spotted them at the bar, just getting their drinks. As the muscular black duck and black and white cat saw the strong rabbit dressed in nothing but a pair of huge baggy tan jeans, they looked a bit concerned about his expression.

"Hey, Bugs!" Daffy greeted in his comedian-type of male voice. "What's up?"

"Nothin'." Bugs muttered as he took his seat bewteen Sylvester and Daffy with his ears and head down, looking very disappointed.

"Sure, nothin'. There's somethin' wrong wit you, man. Tell us what's wrong!"

"The 'doc' factor of hell."

"Is that what it is?" Sylvester asked in a voice similar to Bugs', but as comedic as Daffy's. "What the hell is up wit dat now, man?"

"Women don't take it as a greetin' no more. They rather take it as an insult that gives them some goddamn nightmares." The gray rabbit's temper was rising as he slammed his fingerless-gloved hands on the bar. Daffy patted him on the back to calm him down.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, Bugs! Calm down, man." Daffy urged as he comforted his best friend. "You've been dealin' wit the 'doc' shit since we were kids, man."

"Yeah, but now, I'm really starting to get extremely pissed off about all this shit about the 'doc' thing being a fuckin' insult!" Bugs' temper started rising even more, even though Daffy was trying as hard as he could to calm him down. Sylvester gave it a shot.

"Don't take it hard on yo' ass, Bugs." He pleaded. "Someday, one sexy chick may take the 'doc' thing as a sign of your life… which, by the way, I know."

"Of course you do, doc. You're so famous in this goddamn city that every girl knows you and you know every last one of their asses."

"Exactly. I know one girl that wouldn't mind the 'what's up, doc?' thing… I call her the 'mystery girl'."

"Really?" Daffy and Bugs asked together, having Bugs' temper lower back down.

"Yeah. Want me to describe her for ya?"

"Hell, yeah!"

"Well, she looks to be about 20 years old. She's a rabbit, just like you, Bugs… but sexier. She has tan fur with these pretty-as-hell sea green eyes and blonde hair showin' in front of her tied-up-in-a-scrunchie ears, which sorta looks like a ponytail, if you take a closer look at them. She also has a way with fashion… big time! She usually wears a tank top with these sexy shorts that nearly show her ass, but then, she decided to wear somethin' else. Now, she's wearing sweaters, cashmere blouses, short sleeved shirts, and even the tank top and jacket combo, complete with a really sexy short skirt held up by either pink or blue suspenders. As for her figure, she's one… sexy… bitch. She's got these legs, which I like to call them 'legs of a goddess'. She also has a cute cottontail above her big ass. Overall, she's got a figure that will turn every man's head until their necks cracked!"

"Daaaaaaaaaamn!" Bugs muttered as he whistled sexually. "You really do know this girl if you know everything about her."

"Yep. That's me, Bugs. You can always count on me if you need me to tell ya about any girl."

"I haven't met any ladies like her in a minute, man!" Daffy exclaimed. "Goddamn!"

"Well, if you do wanna meet her up close and personal, I suggest that you wait for about a day or two." Sylvester suggested. Bugs looked puzzled as he heard this.

"Why?" He asked.

"Well, she's traveling around the world with her girlfriends right now. She'll be back within at least the night after tomorrow night. If she comes back early, then you're in luck, buddy."

"Great… um, Sly?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I stay with you in your crib? My 'doc' problem even upseted a few managers at available hotels."

"Well, sure you can stay wit me, Bugs. Anythang fo' you!"

15 minutes later, at Sylvester's house, which was a whopping 3 story mansion…

"Gotta love my place, huh?" Sylvester commented as he settled down in his expensive loveseat. "So, how long do ya wanna stay here? Looks like you wanna stay here for life, judgin' by the goddamn luggage ya got there."

Bugs walked in with about 10 bags of his things and settled them all down next to a couch. He wiped a drop of sweat as he collasped into the loveseat next to Sylvester. Daffy walked in minutes later with his own collection of luggage, consisting of 6 bags and 3 rolling suitcases. He was bedazzled by the lighting and display all over the house.

"Damn, Sly. You rich bastard!" He exclaimed as he slammed his bags down at his feet. Sylvester chuckled.

"Yeah, rich indeed." He agreed slyly. "So, Bugsy ol' pal, ya wanna know somethin' else about the mystery girl?"

"Yeah. What else do ya know?" Bugs asked, paying very close attention to his cat friend.

"Okay. Well, she has a figure of a model, like I said earlier, but you're wondering how she keeps it in damn good shape, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's because she's very athletic and full of life. Not a soul can defeat her in a game of basketball, though. She's pretty much a pro at it."

"Damn. I never thought she could play basketball, knowin' that she got a figure of a million supermodels."

"Looks can be deceivin', man."

"What else do ya know?"

"C'mon, man! I know you're anxious to meet her, but shit! Can't you save the rest of the questions for her when you meet her!"

"I can't wait fo' no fuckin' two nights, doc!"

"Well, ya gonna have to! Goddamn it! For now, make yo'self at home. Get somethin' ta eat or somethin'. I'm watchin' my tube." After that, Sylvester took his remote control to his 75" widescreen High Definition plasma television and clicked it on, watching 'Looneys of Harlem' on LBO(which stands for 'Looney Box Office). Bugs growled to himself as he watched the movie for about 5 minutes before he finally made his way to the kitchen, which was extra roomy. Daffy followed him after, staring at the television on the way, before he walked into the kitchen, finding Bugs looking in the freezer and eyed a spaghettii tv dinner and prepared it to pop it in the microwave as Daffy walked up to his right side and spoke.

"You're not gonna die, Bugs." He said sarcastically as he looked down at the frozen spaghettii. Bugs grunted in response before he spoke.

"Man, I really wanna meet this woman." He said in a nearly whining manner. "When she does come back, I wanna be the first one to walk up to her… since Sly said that she doesn't mind the 'doc' bullshit."

"Geez, Bugs. You need to stop fuckin' balls, man! Get a grip!"

"Oh, I'll get my grip, Daffy! Just leave me alone for two days! That'll be nice. Thanks!" Those were his last words before he placed his tv dinner in the microwave and sat at the table, waiting with his arms crossed. Daffy just scoffed with disgust as he walked off and sat next to Sylvester, watching the movie. The chillin' cat looked over at his duck friend with a smile.

"Bugs is really fucked up, huh?" He asked the black duck, who crossed his arms in response. "I should've warned you: Bugs is NOT a very patient rabbit when it comes to waitin' fo' a woman… especially the 'mystery girl'."

"He'll get over it, right?" Daffy asked as he kept his eyes glued to the movie. Sylvester nodded.

"Yeah, he will… but, be careful. Don't rush him or he'll start havin' some damn emotional problems."

"How bad will they if I refuse to leave him alone?"

"Don't know how to this, but you will get your sorry-ass whooped like hell!"

"Yeech!"

To be continued…

(So, how is this so far? This the newest story I've been keeping in my head for a long time, since I started playing Need for Speed Underground. Please review and no flames. Thanks.)