Mamoru dropped off Usagi, but not before she had to reassure him a couple hundred more times that yes, she was alright and no, she didn't hate him for a fun day that devolved into mayhem well beyond his control. Even when it was significantly past the time he normally would have left, he lingered - as if simple words weren't enough, and he had to see her to believe them. His hand found hers and squeezed it, and softly, she smiled.
It was hard to put her finger on, but Usagi realized... something had changed between them. These lessons had already been shepherding them towards a new understanding of each other, like earth shifting beneath their feet. It had happened so slowly, so gradually, Usagi barely noticed it herself. But the carnival had been something more. The carnival was like the cliff that appeared out of nowhere; the sudden drop that had without warning, deposited her into completely uncharted territory. She wasn't sure how to handle a Mamoru who visibly cared about her, worried for her, even risked himself to rescue her from a fun house that scared the crap out of him. It was so different from the Mamoru she once traded insults with, whose cold sneer would bear down on her from above. How strange that the chest she used to angrily ram into was now a source of comfort and strength for her. She continued to wrestle with this dichotomy as Mamoru drove away, feeling happy and confused and frustrated and excited. She would have continued this way for much the rest of the night, but then she remembered she still had plans with the girls to celebrate the last few hours of her birthday.
The girls!
With all that had gone on, she nearly forgot that while she and Mamoru were making their escape from the fun house and staking out behind the food stalls, her friends were fighting a monster, using her wand to bring it down. They were likely at Makoto's once more, recovering from a nasty bout of magical exhaustion. Immediately, Usagi felt a wave of guilt and concern wash over her. Here she was, marveling over the changes in Mamoru, and her Senshi were laid up in bed because she hadn't been there to deal the final blow.
She hobbled over to her cane, ignoring the unpleasant twinges still plaguing her ankle every so often, and grabbed it up.
"Hi and bye!" she called to the house at large.
"Where are you going?" Shingo's voice called back, vaguely annoyed. Usagi could just discern sounds of machine gunfire coming from the living room television; no doubt her brother was skiving homework for video games, which meant Papa was still at work and her mother must have stepped out for a bit.
"To see my friends! It's my birthday you dolt, don't you remember!"
"I remember!"
"Well you never wished me a happy birthday!"
"Happy birthday!"
"Thanks! Jerk."
"Ditz."
"Tell Mama where I went."
"Fine. Whatever."
Usagi allowed herself a tiny smirk as she slipped back out the door. Shingo had finally begun acting like himself again, no longer tiptoeing around his sister like the slightest misphrase would send her spiraling back into depression. As irritating as he could be... she preferred him this way. Because if he was still a little brat, then all was right with the world.
She navigated the streets nervously, every sense on high alert, but remarkably - blessedly - she didn't encounter a single issue. Everyone was incredibly kind; she even had one older woman offer to accompany her across the street. Usagi had thanked her profusely, but the woman waved it off - she was just trying to do the right thing. It was heartening to find so many being thoughtful of her handicap, and it left Usagi feeling immeasurably grateful for the innate goodness in people.
Her affable mood sobered some as she ascended the stairs to Makoto's flat, anxious about what state she was going to find her friends in.
No one answered when she knocked. Apprehension mounting, Usagi tried the handle, only to discover it was unlocked. She quietly eased it open and peeked her head in.
"Hello...?"
"Usagi-chan!" Luna's voice was pure surprise. "What - how did you - weren't you supposed to be having your lesson with Mamoru-san?"
Usagi looked down and gasped.
Where her feline guardian stood at her feet, was a dull whitish-yellow glimmer. And as her eyes swept to encompass the rest of the room, she soon saw more of those same strange auras, in shades of green, red, and blue. They were like Mamoru's - not quite as powerful as his now was, but a speck of honest to goodness color nonetheless, seeping through the otherwise pitch blackness of her absent vision. She realized too late through the pounding reverberation of her heart in her ears that Luna was calling to her, and in greater panic when Usagi failed to respond.
"I- I didn't go to Mamoru-san's. He took me to the carnival instead. For my birthday."
This apparently didn't mollify Luna any. "You were at the carnival!? Usagi-chan, but the youma... it was so dangerous... Were you hurt at all!?"
Still feeling in a bit of a daze, Usagi gestured vaguely downward. "Ankle twisted but not bad. I can still walk. Don't worry about it. How are they?"
The lack of greeting told her Rei, Ami, and Makoto were dead to the world right now, from the positioning of their auras laid out across the studio apartment. It looked like a makeshift sleepover, only entirely unplanned and like they probably just dropped wherever they stopped. She certainly hoped everyone had a comfortable surface to rest upon.
"Weak, magically drained. Sleeping it off. This rogue youma was a fearsome adversary. We're just lucky it wasn't spitting acid like the last difficult one."
"It seems to be worse for them the stronger the youma is," Usagi swallowed thickly, ambling her way into the living room and sinking down onto the floor beside the couch. She reached out to the smoky haze of green, fingers brushing something silky. She patted down Makoto's limp ponytail. There was a stirring beneath her fingertips, but nothing more. "They can't go on like this."
"They have to," Luna answered, and there was at once resolution and defeat clinging to the dregs of her voice. "The alternative is even worse."
Usagi grimaced, hanging her head. There was a tumult of emotions raging inside her right now, but the primary was a sense of hopelessness. She felt a nudge of her other hand, the one draped uselessly across her folded legs.
"Hey. Want to know what happened to me today, before the whole carnival fiasco?"
"What?" Usagi sniffed.
"Got chased by a horde of alley cats over a shrimp bone, only to have an extremely rotund domestic cat named Rhett Butler save my life... and I'm pretty sure he's got a crush on me now, too!"
"Oh Luna!" Usagi sniggered behind her hand. "That's just... Rhett Butler? What kind of a name is that?"
"Apparently the kind a child gives her pet," Luna snorted. "His owner was a little girl. She was quite upset that he returned home so filthy."
"It's like your own Tuxedo Kamen-sama, the cat version!" Usagi guffawed, thoroughly enjoying the image her mind was supplying her, as well as the break in levity. "Do you liiiiiike him?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Luna snapped, with an air as if she were trying to maintain her dignity. "He was simply at the right place at the right time. I'll probably never see him again."
"Awww. Luna, you heartbreaker."
"My priority is you girls," the feline reminded. "Now don't make me regret telling you that story by teasing me all night about it! I only wanted to cheer you up."
"Thanks, Mrs. Butler," Usagi said with a toothy grin. She startled at the swap she received in return and raised her hands in surrender. "Last one, I promise!"
"Incorrigible," Luna muttered.
Usagi settled back and eyed the whitish-yellow glimmer. She hesitated for a moment. "Luna... there's something weird going on."
She told her about Mamoru's aura getting stronger, and now being able to discern flecks of color for everyone here too. Luna was shocked with amazement.
"Usagi-chan... this is such a good sign! It must mean your Senshi powers are increasing!"
"But what am I seeing? I don't understand. What do the colors mean?"
"Red, green, and blue... I would almost think you are getting a read on the girls' planetary powers, however faintly. Even I possess some measure of magical ability myself... But you say Mamoru-san also exudes his own gold color, more intense than any of ours..." Luna mulled this over for a long time. "Could it be something to do with the fact that you are spending much more time with him than any of the rest of us? Maybe it isn't magical energy, seeing as he wouldn't have any. Maybe it is something else entirely."
Usagi sighed. "And therein lies the mystery."
Luna sighed right back, her little paw patting Usagi's leg. "We'll figure it out. Whatever the reason, this is very, very promising."
Usagi nodded, a smile slipping through as she once more raked her eyes around the room and admired that no longer was her world a fathomless abyss.
However selective, however dimly, she had color.
oOo
The girls woke up an hour later, surprised to find Usagi had joined their number. Usagi filled them in on her own adventures at the carnival. They were open-mouthed and speechless by the time Usagi reached the point in the story where Mamoru saved her from being trampled, reacting with gusto, but she could tell they were still exhausted by the way they didn't do more than sit up and converse from across the room.
"I can't believe he found you," Ami marveled, "with the lights off like that? Impressive."
"And perfect timing," Makoto growled, a fiercely protective edge to her voice. "If he'd been any later..."
"You're lucky to have gotten away with only a minor ankle injury," Rei agreed darkly.
Usagi nodded, indeed feeling thankful for Mamoru's quick-thinking and very aware of how much worse it could have been. She was about to switch topics and apprise them of their auras when there was an unexpected interruption.
It was as though the room lost all gravity, because Usagi's heart was suddenly in her throat and she felt chilling degrees colder. She would recognize the beeping of her crescent moon wand anywhere, but never had it sounded so much like a death sentence. Enemy activity nearby...
And these Sailor Senshi hadn't even the energy to pull themselves to their feet yet.
"No," Usagi moaned, the first to break the terrified silence marred only by the wand's insistent call to arms. It was as if that one word shattered the spell. Suddenly the girls were pushing themselves to action, Ami's fingers tap-tapping across her computer, Makoto and Rei grunting with exertion as they dragged their aching bodies out from under the blankets. Usagi grabbed at Makoto.
"Please-"
"Rainbow Crystal holder, eight blocks - narrowing trajectory now," Ami was saying loudly.
"You can't," Usagi choked out, refusing to relinquish her hold on the girl beside her. Makoto was gently disentangling her fingers as she pushed agonizingly slowly off the couch.
"We have no choice," Makoto sighed.
"We have to protect the city, Usagi," Rei said firmly. "There's no one else but us."
Usagi tried to protest but it came out a whimpering noise. She knew they were right. Knew they truly were alone in this, but it didn't staunch her fear any, if anything, it drastically heightened it. They weren't strong enough! She had known this might happen - back to back battles. But she had hoped it wouldn't come to this! From over in Ami's corner, the cerulean blue glimmer and whitish-yellow glimmer were practically converged as Luna leaned over her shoulder.
"I recognize that address!" she gasped. "That's Rhett Butler and his owner! The Crystal holder - it must be the little girl!"
"I'm sorry, who the hell is Rhett Butler?" Rei inserted with one part amusement and three parts impatience.
"No time to explain - I'll lead the way!" Luna exclaimed, leaping towards the door already. "Transform, girls!"
Usagi hunched in on herself, fingers digging for dear life into the fibers of the carpet as she heard the catchphrases and felt the tingles of magical energy dancing around the room. She felt such a painful disconnect from them, from everything, until a gloved hand reached down and grasped her shoulder - hard. Unknowingly grounding her again.
"It will be safer for you if you stay here for now," Jupiter's voice intoned, but Usagi was more focused on the frail undertone than on the directive being given to her.
"Mako-chan..."
The hand squeezed once before it disappeared. "We'll be okay."
oOo
They weren't.
Not really.
They made it back another hour later, but barely even had a chance to update Usagi on what happened before succumbing to unconsciousness. It was Luna who took over, sounding as if she had aged a hundred years while explaining about how it wasn't the little girl but the cat, and that this confusion ultimately led to them losing the purple Rainbow Crystal to Zoisite. Usagi listened with only half an ear. Most of her attention was on Rei, Makoto, and Ami; how clammy their hands and foreheads were. She felt as if she were teetering precariously upon a breakdown. It wasn't until Luna barked at her to go home before it got too dark to do so - and not until she was assured numerous times over that her Senshi would be fine, Luna would monitor them, they just needed to sleep (and sleep and sleep and sleep) - that Usagi finally let herself go.
She curled up on her own bed in her own house miles away from where she actually wanted to be and cried, her moans muffled in the raggedy stuffed bunny she clutched so tightly to her chest. Like in the hospital, there were no tears - but her ribs burned and her body shook enough for her to know, they would have come fierce and fast.
What a horrible end to her birthday. Wasn't there something - anything - she could do to help?
She was sick of this.
Sick of feeling so powerless, sick of having to be rescued and coddled and told what she could and couldn't do. Sick of watching her best friends drain themselves of energy for her; sick of sitting idly by when helpless civilians like her beloved Naru and Umino found themselves in need of aid. Sick of being confined and defined by her blindness.
There wouldn't always be a Mamoru around to pull her from impending danger.
And at this rate there wouldn't always be Sailor Senshi around to cast themselves between the Dark Kingdom and the city.
Usagi's breathing began to even out, but it still caught in the occasional hitch. Slowly, very slowly, she sat up, pushed the bedraggled bangs from her eyes, and shoved the tattered bunny aside. An idea had formed, an uncertain and wavering what if, but it would not let her rest until she at least tried. Her unseeing eyes alighted upon her nightstand, where she knew her henshin brooch to be. The brooch she hadn't touched in weeks, undoubtedly collecting dust from disuse as it waited, so patiently, for its owner to be ready to shoulder the mantle again.
Trembling worse than when she had been crying, but for a different reason this time, Usagi set two socked feet to the floor and felt around on her nightstand until her palm brushed the cool, familiar metal. She brought her brooch to her chest; pressed it against her heart.
"I want to help my friends. Please... I want to fight again! I want... I want to become Sailor Moon again!"
It's funny... not long ago, she would have given anything to be a normal girl again. A normal girl with ordinary problems.
Now here she was, begging for the exact opposite.
Begging with all her heart, to be extraordinary.
She exhaled shakily... raised the brooch... and shouted the words that upon their last brought blindness upon her; now, they imbued her with a thrill of hope.
"Moon Prism Power... Make Up!"
The transformation was like a hug from an old friend. She couldn't see the shimmering ribbons or the coruscating rainbow show of lights as they engulfed her body, but she felt them, she felt the change taking hold and the surge of courage that always came along with it. Usagi closed her eyes and soaked it all in, breathed in the beauty that was moon magic melding with her very soul. She knew the moment her metamorphosis into the sailor-suited heroine was complete, and with a pounding heart, opened her eyes.
The girl gasped; swayed. Her legs went wobbly as jelly, and she near on collapsed back onto her bed. Another sob warbled up from deep inside her throat, but this one was not like those of earlier, oh no - it tasted happy, a little bittersweet around the edges maybe, but happy like she hadn't felt in... well, since before the accident. Because she could see.
Well.
It wasn't exactly like seeing.
But as Sailor Moon, it appeared she had the ability to make out fuzzy shapes and outlines, gazing around her bedroom with an unfettered awe. Everything was shadowed in a sort of grayscale tint, and the further away an object was the less clear it became, but god. It was so much better than nothing.
"Why didn't I try this before," Usagi mumbled, shaking her head, acutely aware now in a way she hadn't been before of the tinkling crescent earrings and other ornamentation she wore. Proof of all the lessons she had been taking to hone her senses of touch; hearing. But she knew why she hadn't tried. She hadn't been ready until now, afraid of what she might discover; afraid that she would don the identity of her alter ego, and find it similarly lacking.
She was glad she waited.
She was glad to have gained this greater control over her senses; to have gained the confidence to navigate her life sightless before transforming. Because she couldn't be Sailor Moon 24/7, and if she'd known from the beginning that she had the potential to see again - however indistinctly - she might not have put in the same effort to train herself. She was stronger now. More aware.
Usagi let out a jubilant laugh.
This could work. It wouldn't be quite as reliable as her old full-color 20/20 vision. She'd be dead in the water if an attack was leveled at her from a distance. But she struggled with those sorts of unexpected curveballs anyway right? Even before she lost her sight. So... it could work.
She could fight again!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Author's Note: Oy vey. That was a hard one for me for a variety of reasons. I struggled with the magnitude of this chapter; the fact that it was SO transformative (heh) but... didn't necessarily have a lot HAPPENING? If that makes sense? (Never fear... I have some huuuge things planned in the VERY near future!) But the other reason... I take it you guys have all heard of Coronavirus eh? *sad sighs* These are very trying times we find ourselves in, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't affected. I work in medical records and we've been more slammed than ever. It's stressful, and to top it off I can't go see my friends and family like I normally would. My morose mood hasn't been the best inspiration for fanfiction. It was like pulling teeth getting this chapter written, and I really hope that despite my mental exhaustion, you guys still liked it. A kind word would be greatly appreciated :) Seeing as we're all quarantined together!
I was BLOWN AWAY by the awesome feedback I got last chapter! I was SO HAPPY! Thank you Princesakarlita411, Astraearose-silvermoon, Tina Century, Moonlight Usagi-Chan, Moon Bunny, lisasailor, karseneau1, Ruk, Rufael, Serenity Red Eclipse, Red Lion Amaryllis, Sesshy's Rose, Roxypockets1, tryntee13, Daire123, NikkiBC, ChibiChibi, JBubbles, RogueAlly, phillynz, MyIndy13, TinkStar87, CassieRaven, Oreo596, and chimichurri. I might have read and re-read your reviews more times than is healthy ;) It's exciting to see the chapter through your eyes!
Stay safe and be well, my fellow moonies!
AngelMoon Girl