Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls

Chapter 3: Cinder, or: Shoutout to Jiu-jitsu dude (For Somehow Making this Pairing Work)

"Jaune?"

Jaune had to hold himself back from sighing as he read his comic book. "Yes, Cinder?"

"Have I ever told you about my plans for the future?"

Only every day since their first night sharing a bed. He turned a page. As much as he didn't want to indulge her chuuni side, he knew better than to try and ignore her or brush her off. That way held nothing but pain for him – incredibly kinky pain, the kind that Cinder enjoyed from time to time, but also the kind that he very much did not. And since he had no interest in convincing her to pursue it later in the night, he decided that it would be best to simply let her go off.

"Remind me," he said, trying not to betray that he knew how this story was going to end.

Cinder grinned the kind of grin he had secretly taken to calling her 'villainess grin', because it reminded him of the way those cheesy comic book villains with terrible backstories would grin whenever they went off on rants about their plans.

Funny, because Cinder herself loved nefarious plans.

"My plan for the future is simple," she began. Jaune resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her overdramatic theatrics. "It involves me, standing atop the ashes of a burned world, with all the weak people cowering as they are crushed beneath my heel. The only one spared is you – you are right there with me, serving as my loyal knight, the one I have selected to be my judge, jury, and executioner against all who would seek to end my reign."

"That's nice, Cin." He turned another page in his comic book.

She nodded. "Yes, it is. You should be flattered – not just anyone would be selected to serve as my right hand."

No, just the person who had taken her virginity. Honestly, for someone who was clearly trying to bill herself as a master seductress, Cinder was clueless about how to actually draw another person into her bed. Jaune had talked with her teammate Mercury shortly after he had started dating her, and according to him, she had been using Beacon's dating app for months, with no results to speak of. It wasn't hard to see why, given that her age was reported as 'How dare you', her likes consisted of, 'fire, power, crushing weak and useless people beneath my heels', and her dislikes consisted of… well, a whole litany of things.

Jaune didn't know who Arthur was, but he certainly pitied the man. Anybody who had an entire all-caps paragraph dedicated to them in the dislikes list of someone's dating profile had probably been subjected to a very messy breakup indeed.

Honestly, Jaune had almost swiped left on her profile. The only thing that had stopped him was the fact that she had been his only match ever since he had first started using the app… and, of course, that Nora had stolen his scroll from him and swiped right when he had expressed concern that 'iBurn' might be out of his league.

"There's no such thing as leagues, Jauney! Stop thinking like that; that way lies madness and permanent virginity! You'll thank me later!"

He had, after the first night he had spent with Cinder.

Though he had very rapidly started to have second thoughts when she started busting out the chains, whips, and candle wax.

And then she had surprised him by softly asking that he use them on her instead of him.

Apparently, Cinder was known as a 'switch' – someone who got off on being both a dom and a sub. In theory, that was what she had billed herself as when breaching the topic with Jaune.

In practice, though? Cinder Fall had to be the biggest sub in the world.

Oh, sure, she sometimes liked to play as the dom, and in some respects she did well at it (at least as far as Jaune could tell; he didn't exactly have much else to compare it to, and for that matter, being the sub wasn't something he enjoyed so much as something he put up with to keep his girlfriend happy)… but even in his inexperience, Jaune could tell that she didn't relish it the same way she did when he was the one doing the dominating.

Which was a problem, because Jaune Arc was really, really bad at being a dom.

Seriously, was it too much to ask for just regular sex? No whips, no chains, no being forced to call her a whore… just regular, passionate, lights-off, missionary position sex, maybe with a little handholding if he wanted to be extra degenerate. But noooo, it was always 'Jaune, shove my panties in my mouth and pull my hair' or 'Jaune, spank me with a spatula' or 'Jaune, hook this car battery up to my nipples', or 'Jaune, fuck me in the ass without lube'.

That last one was a big mistake, by the way. Never again.

The point was, Cinder was into some weird stuff, and Jaune just couldn't keep up with it. He still remembered the first time she had tried to get him to talk dirty.

"J-Jaune..."

"Yes, Cin…?"

"C-call – ah! – c-call me a filthy slut…!"

"Uh..."

"Do it!"

"Y-you're a filthy slut…?"

"Louder!"

"You're a filthy slut."

"Even louder! Oh, gods, I'm so close! Please, Jaune!"

"YOU'RE A FILTHY SLUT!"

"AH!"

Suddenly, the door came flying open, revealing Weiss Schnee in her nightgown-clad glory. "What is going on here?! We can hear you from down the hall! It is almost midnight; people are trying to-"

She paused at the same time they did. The heiress looked at them. They looked at each other, then back at her. Her gaze drifted down south, then to the chains on Cinder's wrists and ankles.

Then, she nodded. "Nope."

And with that, she turned and walked away, slamming the door as she did so.

Jaune let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Cin, you okay?"

No response. Worried, he looked down at his girlfriend, who he noticed was blushing far more than she usually did when she climaxed.

"Cinder?"

She fidgeted slightly. "...Jaune, I think I just found another kink..."

Yeah, that had been a disaster. And it was the worst kind of disaster, too – the kind that Cinder actually enjoyed enough that it gave her a new fetish, in this case one for exhibitionism.

Ever have sex in a public place? Well, for the next week after that, Jaune had… until Beacon's librarian caught them and banned them for life.

That had been a fun trip to Goodwitch's office. At least Ozpin seemed to understand.

"I have made more mistakes than any man, woman, or child, so believe me when I say I have been in your position before and that I understand."

On second thought, no, that wasn't a good thing, that wasn't a good thing at all! Suddenly, Jaune needed some brain bleach really bad.

Cinder suddenly sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder. She brought one hand up and began to trace a finger over his chest, then leaned in to whisper into his ear.

"Jaune~" she purred. "I'm feeling a little troubled. I think I could go for a bit of stress relief."

Stress relief. One of two code phrases they used. If she asked for 'stress relief', it meant she wanted him to be dominant; if she asked to 'relieve some stress', it meant that she wanted to be dominant.

Frankly, Jaune was still unsure about why she had to use code words instead of just asking if he wanted to bang, and if so, if he wouldn't mind tying her up and spanking her until her ass cheeks glowed like a pair of red giants, please. She had claimed that it was so nobody else – her teammates in particular – would know what she was asking for, but they had figured it out the first time she had actually used the code words, meaning there was no reason for her to use them other than satisfying her own chuuni side.

Speaking of her teammates, they were all sitting across the table from him and Cinder, each one with a different look on their face. Mercury looked like he was about to completely lose it, and was only holding himself back because the last time he had laughed at Cinder asking for sex, she had set him on fire (Jaune wasn't sure how given that it wasn't her semblance, but since that was far from the weirdest thing Cinder had ever done, he didn't think about it too hard).

Emerald, meanwhile, was glaring at him as if he had just solicited her mom. Kind of a weird comparison to make since as far as he could tell Emerald was an orphan, but it sort of made sense given that she seemed to worship the ground Cinder walked on, for whatever reason. Normally, Jaune would have been worried about catching a knife between his ribs or something, but Emerald wouldn't dare do something that might hurt Cinder… and frankly, Jaune just couldn't bring himself to be all that afraid of someone clumsy enough to lose both parents.

That left Cinder's final teammate, Neo… something-or-other. He actually didn't know her last name, mostly because she couldn't talk. She primarily communicated through gestures and typing on her scroll, but Jaune spent most of his time ignoring her for one reason or another – for the former, because he couldn't stand charades, and for the latter, because he had always preferred dubs over subs, and he wasn't going to make an exception just because the poor girl was mute.

Anyway, she was currently looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of a circle, which she was thrusting another finger into over and over very rapidly, a large smirk on her face the entire time. She was obviously trying to tease the two of them, but she was a complete womanlet, so Jaune just wrote off her teasing as midget rage, the same way he did with Weiss and her constant bitching about everything.

Obviously, Ruby and Nora did not apply, as they were both two adorable cinnamon rolls whose smiles deserved to be protected, and who didn't make fun of him or turn him down for dates or walk in on him and his girlfriend having sex and give her a fetish that got them both banned from Beacon's library and also multiple public places in downtown Vale.

Cinder rested her head on his shoulder, pouting at his lack of a response. Oh yeah, she had asked him to plow her fields and plant some seeds. He should probably do that before she changed her mind about needing some stress relief and instead decided to relieve some stress.

Seriously, he was still finding clumps of candle wax in his chest hair from a few nights ago. How people actually got off on that, he had no idea. It was like getting off by having someone kick you in the balls… not that he would ever say that out loud for fear of giving Cinder another kink.

Sighing, he closed his comic book. "Right, let's do this."

He stood up, then scooped his girlfriend into a princess carry. She flung her arms around his neck, then nestled her head underneath his chin.

Okay, he appreciated what she was going for, but this was not a natural position, nor was it a good idea. Cinder wasn't fat – she was, in fact, in very good shape – but he was still going to have to carry her from the cafeteria back to their dorm room, lest he look like an idiot. It wouldn't be so bad if Pyrrha hadn't made him do a bunch of extra squats when they had lifted weights earlier with the excuse that she was 'checking his form'.

Oh, she was checking something alright, but it definitely wasn't his form. It was almost cute how she thought she was being subtle. Jaune let her get away with it, though; she deserved something that made her happy after that time Cinder had talked him into having sex with her on Pyrrha's bed.

"Jaune, what are these stains on my bed, and why do they taste so salty?"

He didn't have the heart to tell her what it was, which made him feel really guilty, so instead of admitting that she had just basically turned her mouth into the world's smallest orphanage by mistake, he just let her check him out when they were in the gym and pretended like he didn't know for a fact that she was rubbing herself raw to it in the bathroom at night when she thought everyone else was asleep.

Sorry, Pyr. Maybe it could have worked out, but I'm already with Cinder.

"Have fun, you two!" Mercury called out.

Cinder huffed, and Jaune simply nodded at him, then turned and left, leaving him and the rest of Team CMEN behind.

Heh, CMEN – CMEN as in cum.

Honestly, he really did impress himself sometimes.

Jaune paused in front of the warehouse, fishing his scroll out of his pocket to read Cinder's message one last time. As he did so, he frowned. This was clearly the place, but it was so… nondescript.

Also, it was on the docks, so the whole area smelled like raw fish.

Resisting the urge to gag at the scent, Jaune approached the front door of the warehouse and pushed his way inside. It was completely dark within, much to his confusion.

Suddenly, he was starting to get a bad feeling about coming here. Still, his girlfriend had asked him to show up for some reason, saying that she had a surprise for him.

...Which didn't do anything to alleviate his concerns, now that he thought about it. Knowing her, the surprise was some weird BDSM sex thing she had just thought up. The idea that she had to put it in a creepy-looking abandoned warehouse that smelled like Blake's breath and hadn't been cleaned in years was almost enough to make him cut and run immediately, but if he did that he would probably only be making things worse for himself, so instead he decided to just bite the bullet.

Jaune cupped his hands around his mouth. "Cinder?" he called.

At first, no response. He was about to pull his scroll out and try calling her when he heard the telltale sound of glass heels clicking against the ground. Seconds later, his girlfriend rounded the corner.

"Jaune!" she said, approaching him and sweeping him into a hug. "Oh, I'm so glad you came!"

Funny; she had said the same thing last night. Pushing that thought from his mind, Jaune planted a kiss on her lips. "Well, I said I would, didn't I?"

"You did, but I wasn't sure if you really understood what I was asking of you when I told you to come here without telling anyone."

He… kind of had? She had told him that she had some kind of top-secret plan that involved making an enemy out of Ozpin and everyone at Beacon, but Jaune just figured that was her chuuni side talking again and had decided to indulge her for fear of what would happen if he didn't.

His asscheeks were still sore from the last time he hadn't, after all.

"Well, I'm here now," he said. "So, what's the plan?"

Cinder smirked, then took him by the hand. "Come with me."

Somehow, he knew that wouldn't be the only time she used that phrase tonight. Nodding, he allowed her to drag him along into the bowels of the warehouse. After a bit of walking, she led him to a door at the end of a hallway, which she pushed him through.

Entering the room, Jaune couldn't help but pause, dumbfounded.

Across from him, Mercury raised a hand in greeting. "Hey, Jaune."

Tentatively, Jaune waved back to him. Okay, he knew Cinder was into some kinky shit, but this was too much. There was Mercury, Emerald, Neo, some douchey-looking guy with a bowler hat and a cigar who looked like he enjoyed a bit too much of the ol' ultra-violence, and some edgy-looking Faunus with a mask and a katana.

Said edgelord frowned upon seeing him, placing a hand on the hilt of his sword. "You didn't say you would be bringing anyone else here, let alone another human."

Oh, what the fuck? Was this seriously what he thought it was?

Immediately, Jaune rounded on his girlfriend, a scowl on his face. "Cinder, what is this?"

"This is my crew," she said. "You know, for the plan."

Her crew, huh? "I see. And how long has this been going on?"

"For a few months now."

A few months? "You never mentioned the other guys."

She frowned. "Jaune, what are you trying to say?"

"Oh, nothing. Just wanted to know how long I've been your side bitch for."

"Side bi- Jaune Arc, what do you think this is?!"

He paused. "...You mean this isn't you trying to get me involved in some weird group sex thing?"

"No! What could have ever given you that idea?!"

That… was a good question, actually. Chuckling nervously, Jaune turned back to Edgelord and Bowler Hat, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"Sorry, guys. Just wanted to make sure everything was still on the straight and narrow. I'm sure you understand."

Bowler Hat simply shrugged as he ashed his cigar. Edgelord, meanwhile, scowled.

"Cinder, who is this idiot?" he growled.

"This is my boyfriend," Cinder informed.

Whatever him and Bowler Hat had been expecting, that wasn't it. Both of them paused, then looked at him, then back to her, then back to him.

"...Seriously?" Bowler Hat asked.

"And what is that supposed to mean, Roman?"

Roman held up his hands in surrender. "Whoa, simmer down. I just wanted to know what you see in a scrawny guy like him. He doesn't seem like he'd be much good for what we have planned."

Mercury cleared his throat. "The only reason Cinder is with him is because if it weren't for him, she'd still be a vir-"

"Utter one more syllable and I'll have Emerald and Neo chop you up and feed you to the fish outside," Cinder threatened.

Mercury immediately paused, then looked over to Emerald and Neo. Emerald yawned with a bored expression on her face while Neo grinned widely, reaching for her umbrella and unsheathing the hidden blade slightly. Swallowing nervously, Mercury wisely decided to back down.

Cinder took a breath. "I assure you both that Jaune is of great value to us."

Edgelord growled. "Sounds to me like you're just trying to protect him from the fallout of the plan by bringing him into it."

"And what if I am? Last I checked, you work for me, not the other way around. Who I choose to bring into the plan is of no concern to you, Adam."

Jaune held up a hand. "Okay, time out," he said, earning a scowl from everyone in the room except his girlfriend. "Cinder, what's going on here?"

Roman paused in the middle of lighting up another cigar. "...Cinder, you did tell him about the plan, right?"

"Of course!" Cinder replied through gritted teeth. Relaxing, she turned back to the blonde. "Jaune, it's like we discussed earlier."

"What, that plan to launch an attack on Beacon alongside the White Fang during the Vytal Festival in order to incite panic, which will attract a whole bunch of Grimm, which you can use to distract everyone and destroy the school so you can get at something you think is buried underneath it? That plan?"

"Yes, that plan."

"...Oh." He looked back over everyone that was assembled in the room. "Ah, I see what's going on now."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"You're all chuunis, too."

The room went completely silent. If someone were to drop a pin, it would sound like a gunshot compared to all the other noise in the room at that moment. After several seconds of this, Roman spoke.

"Gonna need the good tobacco for this one..." he muttered, dropping his cigar on the ground and pulling out a much fancier-looking one, which he then proceeded to light up and begin smoking.

Cinder breathed deeply before exhaling. "Jaune," she began, "My love. The light of my life. The man I've selected to secure a future alongside me. If you don't mind, could you please explain what brought you to that conclusion?"

"Sure," Jaune replied. "Well, for starters, I've always kind of figured that you're a chuuni – sorry babe, but you just are, what with the constant talk of taking over the world and burning your enemies to ashes and everything. I still love you and all, but you kind of take it a bit too far sometimes."

He pointed to Mercury and Emerald. "Those two seem pretty normal so they might not actually be chuunis, but I figure that they're tagging along with you for their own reasons – Emerald because she practically worships you for some reason, and Mercury because he's just in it for kicks, both literal and figurative."

"Got it in one," Mercury admitted. Emerald scowled, but otherwise didn't react.

Next, Jaune turned to Neo. "She's almost as bad as you, what with the mute thing and the fact that she's got this weird ice cream motif going as opposed to her usual black outfit." Neo flipped him off, but he ignored her impotent midget spergery in favor of turning to Roman.

"Next there's you, and while I just met you, I'm convinced that you're also pretty bad, since you're clearly trying evoke the classic gangster look and failing miserably."

Roman looked downright offended. "Failing miserably? Kid, I'm the very definition of classy criminal in this city! I've got the people eating out of the palm of my hand!"

"You're proving my point," Jaune replied. "Also, you're wearing eyeliner, dude. Come on."

Roman opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. Instead, he hung his head in shame. Neo gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

Finally, Jaune turned to Adam, who simply snarled in response. "Insult me and it'll be the last thing you do, human," he threatened.

Cinder checked her nails absentmindedly. "Adam, remind me again how my visit to your camp went?"

The Faunus growled, but reluctantly took his hand off his sword. Jaune nodded before continuing.

"Anyway, you're like the textbook definition of edge. Your outfit's all red and black, your hair's blood red, you're wearing an edgy mask, and you're using a katana. You look like a tabletop game character I might have rolled up when I was thirteen."

"Rest assured, when the Faunus finally rise up against their oppressors, I will make sure that you are the first to have his head mounted on a pike," Adam said.

"Yeah, not really helping your case, bud. Good try, though – if I was twelve, I would be quaking in my boots right now."

He was vaguely aware of Mercury laughing his ass off and everyone else staring at him in open-mouthed shock, though he had no idea why that was. What, was it suddenly no longer socially acceptable to make fun of people when they embarrassed themselves like this? These people needed a good kick in the ass to set them straight, and it was better that they get it from someone like Jaune instead of someone a lot meaner, such as Cardin.

Cinder suddenly cleared her throat. "Wow," she said, "Jaune, I can't believe you figured all that out so quickly. You really are amazing."

He couldn't help but beam at her praise. Sure, she told him that all the time, but hearing your girlfriend say how awesome you were just never got old.

"Thanks, Cin. I love you, too."

"Yes, I know. Hold on a second." She pulled out a pen and paper, then wrote something down and shoved it into his chest.

He took the paper and read it, frowning as he did so. "Cin, what's this?"

"A date and time for when I want you to come here."

"Cin, this is during the Vytal Tournament, specifically the singles rounds. What if I miss Pyrrha's fight?"

She grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Jaune Arc, as your girlfriend, I am demanding that you be here on that day at that time until I come and get you, and don't you even think of being anywhere else or leaving until I've met you here. Do you understand?"

"Alright, alright," Jaune conceded. "Any particular reason?"

She let go of him, gently brushing off his shirt where she had grabbed him. "It's… a surprise," she said.

"A surprise?"

"Yes. You'll know what it is when you see it."

"...Makes sense, I guess."

"Yes, it does. Also, you cannot tell anyone else about this, because it would ruin the surprise. Understand?"

He raised his arms in surrender and chuckled. "Alright, I get it."

"Good. Now, why don't you head back to Beacon? I'll be there shortly."

"But I thought you wanted me here for-"

"I am altering the plan," Cinder interrupted. For some reason, she seemed to be getting increasingly desperate. "Anyway, I will see you back at Beacon."

"...Well, alright," Jaune said. He waved goodbye to everyone, then stepped out into the hallway.

Vaguely, he was aware of someone who sounded suspiciously like Roman asking something along the lines of 'Am I imagining things or did that guy actually just fucking make fun of the world's most wanted terrorist to his face', though he ignored it as he didn't pay any attention to the opinions of girly-men.

Except for Ren and Scarlet, because Ren and Scarlet were total bros.

Anyway, whatever Cinder had planned, it had better be good if it meant missing Pyrrha's fight, because his partner would never forgive him for that if she found out.

Jaune winced as he heard another explosion outside, once again checking his scroll to make sure he was on-time. Seeing that he was, he pocketed his scroll and let out loud sigh, then began tapping his foot impatiently.

Sure, as a Huntsman-in-training, he should probably be out there helping with… whatever was going on out there. But he wasn't stupid, and while Cinder may have been his first experience with romance, even he knew better than to ignore her when something like this was so clearly very important to her.

He just wished she had sprayed some air freshener in the warehouse or something, because it still smelled awful.

Seriously, it was like a constant stream of Blake's breath in here.

Again, her checked his scroll, sighing when he saw that it was long past the time she had asked him to meet her here.

"Right, I'm gonna call her."

He had just brought up his contacts list when the door to the warehouse opened and someone stumbled in. A smile crossed his face.

"Hey, Cin."

"J-Jaune..." she all but whispered, her voice weak.

Then, to his surprise, she began to sway from side to side before collapsing in a heap on the ground. As quick as his legs would take him, Jaune rushed over to her side.

"Cinder, what's-" He gasped as he got closer. "Cinder, your arm! Your eye! What happened?!"

Cinder grit her teeth as he poked at her, checking for additional injuries. With her one remaining arm, she waved him off. "I… fell."

"You fell?"

"I fell."

"Where, from the top of Beacon's tower or something?!"

"...Yes."

He gaped at her, but shook his head. "You know what? It doesn't matter. We have to get you to a hospital."

He hooked his arms around her and was prepared to pull her to her feet, only for her to protest.

"Wait, Jaune!" she shouted, causing him to pause. "Just wait, please."

"Wait? Cinder, your arm's off! I can't wait!"

Looking closer at her new stump, he could see that it appeared to have been cauterized, as it wasn't bleeding.

Huh. Must have been a heck of a fall, then. Maybe onto one of Weiss' vials of Fire Dust, kind of like what happened with her and Ruby?

"It's okay," she said. "I have a… a friend coming to pick us up in a Bullhead. He'll take us somewhere I can get help."

"Why did you even come here, anyway?! You should have gone straight to the emergency room!"

"...I didn't want to ruin the surprise."

"And what could that surprise possibly be, that it was worth putting yourself through all this for?"

She winced. "...Jaune, run away with me."

Jaune paused. "Huh?"

"Run away with me, Jaune. Away from all this. We'll go somewhere where we can become truly powerful, and in due time, we'll rule the world together."

"...I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of commitment, Cin."

"I know you are," she said, determined. "I know you're capable, Jaune. Please, I'm begging you: be my right hand."

Actually, it was looking like she was going to need a left hand rather than a right one, plus a left eye as well. Maybe Emerald could be her left eye, while he served as Cinder's left hand?

...And he still wasn't sure if he should accept that offer; he had seen where that hand had been during their nights together, after all.

Then again, his dad had given him words of advice for this exact situation:

"Son, remember to always put pussy on a pedestal. Pussy is the most important thing a man can ever aspire to have in his life. If you have a constant source of it, then you must pursue it, as there is nothing worse than going through a dry spell."

Sure, his dad had been about nine beers in when he had given him that bit of fatherly advice, but wasn't there a saying about how there was truth in alcohol?

In any case, who was Jaune to turn his nose up at the wisdom of his elders?

Turning back to Cinder, he nodded. "Okay."

She blinked in surprise, as if she hadn't been expecting that answer. It registered a second later, and she brought her lips crashing against his, a huge smile on her face.

"I'm so happy to hear that..." she muttered softly.

Jaune went to pick her up, but she waved him off, so instead he just sat there, cradling her in his hands and trying to help keep her mind off the extreme amount of pain she surely had to be in.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him.

"I should probably call my friends and let them know where I'm going," he said, reaching for his scroll.

Immediately, Cinder's hand clamped around his wrist, stopping him. "I think it'll be fine, Jaune," she said.

"But Cinder, they'll want to know where I am."

'They'll figure it out."

"Are you sure? Pyrrha will be worried."

Cinder winced. "I… somehow doubt that. Very much."

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, uh… see, I actually told her that I was thinking about running away with you at some point, and she said she was fine with it."

"Was this before or after you fell?"

"...Before. Definitely before. Anyway, there's no reason to call her, because she wouldn't pick up – not because she's dead or anything, certainly not that, but because she's, uh… busy. Yeah, she's busy. For the rest of her life."

Jaune frowned. "Okay. But I should still call Ruby and-"

"Ah yes, Ruby Rose," Cinder interrupted. "Yes, she is also fine with it. She's definitely not in a coma, buried underneath a pile of rubble on Beacon's tower in front of the frozen corpse of a Grimm Wyvern. No, she… uh… went back to Patch to pursue a life of religious fulfillment."

"Huh," Jaune said. "Never took her for the religious type. Oh well, I suppose you're right."

He took his hand off his scroll, but to his surprise, Cinder took it. Then, as she held it in her hands, it suddenly burst into flames.

"My scroll!" Jaune cried, watching in despair as it burned to a crisp on the ground. "What happened?"

Cinder shrugged. It was an awkward shrug because she only had one arm, but still. "Oh, you know how those lithium ion batteries are – they get really hot and spontaneously combust."

"Damn…"

There was a loud noise outside, one that sounded suspiciously like a Bullhead's engine. Seconds later, the doors to the warehouse flung open, and Emerald, Mercury, and some big guy Jaune had never seen before came rushing in.

"Cinder!" Emerald cried, rushing over to her side. "Merc, help me!"

"No, need; I've got this," the big guy grunted, stepping over and picking Cinder up with one hand, then slinging her over his shoulder. Upon seeing Jaune, he paused. "You the new guy?"

Jaune nodded. "Yup, that's me."

Another grunt. "Follow me, then. Word of advice – I heard about what you said to Torchwick and Taurus. I'd advise you to not do that to anyone you meet where we're going."

"Why's that?"

"Because they'll kill you."

That… wasn't the answer he was expecting. Damn, it looked like wherever they were going, it was just going to have more chuunis. Still, he knew what he was getting into after his first time with Cinder, so by now he was used to it.

And if they were going to help Cinder heal, then he would do whatever they wanted him to.

Jaune nodded. "Okay, I'll try to be respectful."

Again, the man grunted. Jaune took that as a sign that he approved.

All of them piled onto the Bullhead. Jaune tried to look through the window as it took off, but Emerald and Mercury were quick to distract him by talking to him instead.

Unfortunately, his airsickness acted up and he ended up throwing up all over Emerald's shoes. At least Mercury had a good laugh about that, though.

Wiping the vomit from his lips, Jaune settled into his seat. He looked over at his girlfriend, who seemed to have finally had enough and had passed out. As he did so, his expression softened.

Sure, she was kind of crazy. Sure, she had some weird fetishes, most of which he only put up with to keep her happy. Sure, she thought she was some kind of villainous mastermind when she was actually just a huge dork. And sure, handjobs were now going to be a lot more awkward since her dominant hand was missing. But you know what? She was still his girlfriend, and he loved her dearly, even with her missing limb, missing eye, and chuuni tendencies.

Whatever his new life with her held, he was sure that it would be a good one.

Too bad I couldn't say goodbye to Pyrrha, though; I'm gonna miss her, Jaune thought.

Outside, the sky began to mysteriously darken, all while an ominous-looking castle loomed in the distance...

This chapter's title is a reference to 'A Monster's Marriage', by Jiu-jitsu dude. It's an excellent story, and the only one I've ever seen make this crack pairing actually work somehow. If you ever get tired of reading my garbage, you should definitely give that story a shot, because it's way better than my shitposts.

Anyway, I don't have much else.

Next update: Saturday, January 11. Happy New Year, everybody.