Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 7: Velvet, or: With Apologies to Australia
One of the first things Jaune had done upon actually somehow managing to get himself a girlfriend was to call his parents and ask for advice. To him, this was a completely rational thing to do – frankly, he was still confused about how he even managed to get a girlfriend in the first place, let alone a ridiculously cute second-year rabbit Faunus. His mom had expressed concern about Jaune dating an older woman – specifically, she had said 'Oh, no fucking way am I about to let some older woman corrupt my baby boy' – and then immediately done a complete one-eighty once Jaune had put her on a call with Velvet and Mama Arc had had a chance to see that Velvet was about as dangerous to him as an actual rabbit was, not to mention cute as a button. Instead, he had been left with some actually good bits of advice, the biggest of which was 'There will be things that the two of you don't see eye-to-eye on, as well as things you don't like about each other, but remember to focus on the things you love about each other instead of those and you'll do fine'. It was pretty insightful, and definitely one of the most helpful things his parents had ever told him.
Definitely more helpful than some of the other pieces of advice his mom had given him.
"This one's a keeper, Jaune! Be sure to put a ring on it as soon as you can! And I expect no less than six blonde-haired, rabbit-eared grandbabies from you!"
Ironically, it was the latter that Jaune had been able to work on the most… to a point; Velvet had gotten on the pill pretty much as soon as they had started dating, and he was sure to always use a condom.
Just not tonight.
Because when the GF came a-knockin', Jaune knew better than to turn her down, even if he didn't have a rubber.
No, tonight they were raw-doggin' it.
With that important fact having been established, Jaune decided to move on, both because he was seriously horny and because the constant one-sentence paragraphs were getting obnoxious.
All that being said, Velvet definitely lived up to the stereotype. That is, she tended to breed like a rabbit.
She was insatiable – like, they were banging five days out of the week, at least two rounds a night. Jaune had actually had to shave off all his pubic hair for fear of the friction starting a fire or something.
It was fine, though – he was pretty sure Ren didn't actually use that razor. That boy's face was just naturally as smooth as a baby's bottom. The day Ren grew facial hair was the day Nora went through a growth spurt and ended up as tall as Yang, or the day Weiss spontaneously decided to be as nice as Pyrrha and also spontaneously went up by multiple cup sizes ('and also' because Jaune was pretty sure the reason Weiss was so snippy with everybody was because they were all way more stacked than her).
Anyway, the point was that Jaune had had plenty of time to work on the latter.
The former, however, was going to take a little work.
"Oh, Jaune! Ah! Wreck me kid-shitter!"
A lot of work.
Velvet let out a low moan, then bent down to look him in the eye. She grinned. "Ya close to bustin' a nut, cunt?"
Jaune blinked. I can barely understand what she's saying. "What?"
"Ya 'bout to shoot your wad? Gonna fill up me gash with your white Foster's?"
"...What?"
"Ya know, mate – gonna top off me fanny?"
Jaune sighed. "Babe, please. I'm trying to concentrate."
"Ach, sorry – got a bit too into it, I s'pose." She let out a giggle. "I'll make it up to ya – after this, I'll give you a wristy, yeah? Maybe a gobby, too."
This was actually something that Coco had warned Jaune about. Apparently, Velvet came from a certain part of Vale, one that had a particularly… interesting history behind it. From how she had explained it, Velvet's home town had started off as a dumping ground for convicts and other undesirables, but had eventually grown into a community all on its own. It was certainly a very unique part of the kingdom – it had its own unique ecosystem and wildlife, its own unique culture and values… if it weren't for the fact that it was a part of the Kingdom of Vale, it could have passed for its own kingdom.
Honestly, it seemed like a nice place, mostly – Velvet had offered to take him to visit her family there, but Jaune was honestly afraid to; his gaming experiences had taught him that everybody who lived where she did would take an extra ten seconds to load because of high ping, and that was bad enough in a video game, he didn't need to experience it in real life. But aside from that, the fact that it was always ungodly hot, the fact that it was home to spiders bigger than his head, the fact that the people there honestly thought that boomerangs were viable anti-Grimm weapons, and the fact that it was currently on fucking fire, it seemed alright.
Well, it was alright aside from the fact that they made Vegemite, which was just nasty. How Velvet ate that stuff, he had no idea.
In any case, it was definitely different from Vale, that much was certain. In fact, it even had its own unique accent, and unique system of slang.
...Which was actually somewhat unfortunate, because both of them tended to be quite crass, not to mention absolutely impossible to understand. And while Velvet had worked hard to minimize her accent so people could actually understand her, it still tended to slip from time to time. Usually, this happened when she was frightened, or nervous, or particularly happy.
Or, much to Jaune's chagrin, when she was horny.
And the hornier she got, the more she tended to slip back into her accent.
Velvet suddenly let out a low moan, gyrating her hips. "J-Jaune, I'm gonna… gonna..."
Jaune bit his lip, holding back a moan of his own. "S-so am I..."
"D-do it! Inside! Shoot your goo, my dude!"
Both of them cried out, though they were quick to cut themselves off by coming together for a kiss. After several seconds, the two of them pulled away, both of them panting heavily. Slowly, Velvet raised herself off of Jaune, biting back another moan when she had finished doing so. Now free, she rolled over onto his side, resting her head on his chest while he looped an arm around her.
"That was a good one, mate," she said, before yawning. "...Ach… Gonna have to take a rain check on that wristy and gobby – I'm right stuffed, y'know?"
He really didn't, but he could only assume that she had originally planned to jump right from one sex act to another, and given that he was just a normal guy, there was no way he was going to be able to keep up with that after having just finished. A rain check actually sounded right up his alley right now. He kissed her on the forehead, then reached for the covers and went to pull them over himself and his girlfriend, only for her to stop him, a confused look on her face.
"Th' fuck ya doin'?"
Jaune blinked. "...Pulling the covers up so we can go to sleep?"
"Yeah, nah, not when I'm leakin' your nut juice all over the place." She stood up, dusting herself off. "Gonna take a shower. Care to join me?"
"That depends. Are you planning to actually get clean this time, or were you hoping that this would be one of those showers where we just have sex while driving Beacon's water bill through the roof?"
"Pop a stiffy if ya want, but I'm not about ta do anythin' with it, not while I'm dripping your baby batter everywhere and wanna go to sleep." She shrugged. "Ya comin'?"
Jaune didn't need to be told twice.
Jaune had to admit, getting a girlfriend had been a lot different than he thought, and not for any of the reasons he would have assumed. He had always figured that he'd have to deal with his girlfriend's fetishes the same way they'd have to deal with his, but he'd always thought himself to be a pretty vanilla kind of guy – basic things like blowjobs, anal, maybe a little light bondage if he was feeling really frisky. Certainly nothing too intense.
And definitely nothing like what Velvet was into.
Jaune blinked, staring at the tool in Velvet's hands. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I think I misheard."
"I want you to take this cane and spank me with it until my arsecheeks are red and bleeding," she reported without even an ounce of shame.
"Ah." A pause. "Yeah, could you say it one more time? I don't think I understand."
Velvet rolled her eyes. "Jaune, I know you're not exactly the kinkiest guy out there, but it's straightforward." She held up the cane. "You take this cane."
"Yeah."
"I take all my clothes off."
"Uh-huh."
"I bend over in front of you and show you my arse."
"Sounds hot."
"Then you take that cane and hit me on the arse with it until it's bleeding like a bloody nose."
"You lost me."
"Which part do you not understand?"
"The part where I beat you until you bleed."
"And what do you need clarification about?"
"...Is this really something you want me to do? I mean, it sounds painful."
"Yes, it is. That's the point." She sighed tiredly. "Look, if you don't want to do it-"
"I didn't say that," Jaune interrupted. She blinked, and he sighed. "...Is this really something you want me to do?"
"Yes, it is."
"...Should I ask why?"
"Because I'm an incredibly kinky little bunny rabbit who gets off on physical pain."
"...Okay, then." He paused. "...Does this have anything to do with why you let Cardin pull on your ears for so long?"
Velvet grinned a lecherous grin at him. "You catch on quick. And since you brought it up, if you could just pull on my ears while you do it-"
"Uh..."
"Like, just grab hold and give 'em a big ol' tug backwards as hard as you can-"
"Babe-"
"That'd be great."
"I'm not sure-"
"Jaune," Velvet said, making him pause. "I promise, it will be okay. This is something I want you to do."
"I get that, I just… don't want to hurt you."
"And that's very sweet of you, but I'm really horny, and this is something I really want to do, and it would make me really happy if you gave it a try. Please? For me?"
And here came the secret weapons – the bunny rabbit eyes. Even worse than Ruby's puppy dog eyes, probably because Velvet was somehow even cuter than Ruby, despite the fact that she was a hardcore degenerate.
What was that ancient Mistralian phrase Ren had used to describe her after Nora had convinced Jaune to spill the beans on his sex life? 'Kawaii in the streets, hentai in the sheets'? Now, Jaune didn't speak weeb, but he had seen enough cartoon porn to get the gist of what his friend was trying to say, and he had to agree that it made sense.
"...Alright," Jaune said, taking the cane from Velvet's hands.
The bunny Faunus gave a squeal of delight, even doing a mini jump for joy. "Great! Now, there's a certain way I want to do this."
Oh great, here we fucking go, he thought.
"Lay it on me," he said.
"Okay, so I'm in my school uniform right now, right?"
Jaune quickly eyed her from head to toe. She most certainly was in her school uniform… her disturbingly provocative school uniform. Seriously, leggings? Thin skirts? Whoever came up with the Huntsman Academy uniforms was one seriously horny and lonely dude.
Up in his office, Ozpin went to take a sip from his mug, only to sneeze.
This has been your one 'cutaway to a character sneezing when someone indirectly insinuates something stupid about them' joke that all humor fics on this archive are obligated to have, I hope it was a fucking good one.
Back in Team CFVY's room, Jaune nodded. "Okay, so you're in your school uniform."
"Right. So, in this scenario, I'm the Beacon student being punished for something, and-"
"For what?"
Velvet paused. "What?"
"What are you being punished for?"
"Look, it doesn't matter, okay? We're just role playing. Make something up."
Make something up? That was going to be hard, because aside from sneaking his way in with forged transcripts, Jaune had done his best to follow the rules. Outside of that one incident in Oobleck's class, he hadn't even had detention. Heck, he barely knew what students got punished for. Oh, well; he could always take a guess.
After all, how hard could it be to improvise?
He nodded. "Alright, I'll come up with something."
"Good. So, you're the Beacon Professor assigned to punish me."
"Uh-huh."
"So I'm going to come in, and you're going to say, 'you've been a bad girl, blah blah blah, you need to be punished for what you've done', and then I'm going to pull my panties down and you're going to spank me with that cane."
"Still pretty weird, but I'll do it for you."
"Sure. So, then you're going to make me count out the hits, and I'm going to purposely mis-count, and then you're going to make me start over."
"Hold on, why can't I just give you the proper number of hits instead of starting over?"
"Because it's hotter this way."
Jaune didn't understand how. Actually, he didn't understand anything about this fetish – it reminded him of those times his parents had spanked him as a kid, and all he had gotten from that was a sore ass, not a fetish. This whole thing was like having a fetish for being punched in the kidney.
Not that he was going to say that out loud, lest Velvet actually ask him to punch her in the kidney.
"Hang on," he said, "won't you have aura protecting you?"
"I'll have my aura down."
"Well, that's kind of contrived."
"It's a role play thing, babe. It doesn't have to make sense."
"Uh, okay. So, you purposely mis-count the number of strikes. What next?"
"Then the fun part – eventually I can't take any more and beg you to stop, so you decide to carry out my punishment in another way, which of course means you tear my uniform open-"
"Why would I do that? These things are expensive. What if I accidentally rip it, or pull a button off?"
"It's worth it, trust me," Velvet implored. "So, you tear my blouse open just enough to reveal my breasts, then tear open my leggings to get to my groin, and then you pull off your belt and use it to tie my hands behind my back."
"And then we bang."
"Yes, but we do it very violently. Like, you're going really hard, and I'm begging you to stop the whole time, but you're just calling me a stupid whore and telling me to shut up."
"...Okay, I don't know if I'm comfortable with-"
"-And at one point I'll start fake crying, but you're going to shut me up by stuffing my underwear in my mouth, and then you're going to start spanking me while you fuck me-"
"Starting to sound a little creepy, babe-"
"And then you're going to really pull on my ears-"
"Babe-"
"-And by this point I'll probably have cum about half a dozen times, so-"
"Babe!" Jaune shouted, causing her to pause. "You're rambling," he said gently.
She blinked. "Ah. Sorry; got a bit too carried away."
Jaune could see that just from looking at her groin. She was leaking like a faucet. It was like that scene from Drytanic where the ship started to capsize and the water was flooding through the hallways, only in this case the hallways were Velvet's panties, the ship was her cooter, and the water was this is an M-rated fic not an X-rated one and you probably get the idea, please don't make me actually write something that could get this fic taken down for being too lewd.
"Alright," Velvet said, "so, let's get started."
"Okay." Jaune paused. "How do we start?"
Velvet facepalmed. She pointed to a nearby chair sitting next to a desk. "Just… take a seat there. I'm gonna be in the hallway. I'll knock, then you say come in. After that, just remember that you're a professor, and I'm being punished for something."
Jaune nodded. "Makes sense."
Velvet gave him one last look before stepping out into the hall, closing the door behind her. Jaune moved over to the chair, taking a seat on it and leaning the cane against the desk. After a moment, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," Jaune called.
Velvet stepped into the room, looking as meek and timid as she possibly could. "Y-you wanted to see me, sir?"
"Ah, Miss Scarlatina." Jaune gestured to another chair, one next to him. "Have a seat."
Velvet nodded, doing as she was told. Okay, so far so good. Even his improvisation of asking her to take a seat had gone well. Now all he had to do was not fuck it up before he could actually get to fucking it up, if you pick up what he's putting down.
"Right," Jaune began one his girlfriend had taken a seat across from him, "I trust you understand why you're here?"
"N-no, sir… M-Miss Goodwitch told me that I was in trouble, and that I should report to you for punishment. D-did I do something bad?"
"Indeed, you did."
The only question was what. What could Velvet, adorably innocent second-year student, have possibly done that could be so bad as to warrant severe corporal punishment? Jaune wasn't sure what the school gave corporal punishment for, but he knew what his parents did.
It would have to do.
"You were caught stealing your sister's dinosaur chicken nuggets."
"Y-yes, I-" She paused. "...What?"
"Dinosaur chicken nuggets," Jaune repeated. "You stole your sister's."
"I'm an only child," Velvet deadpanned. "Also, why would my pretend younger sister even be at Beacon, why would she have dinosaur chicken nuggets, and why would anyone but her care if I stole them?"
Jaune decided to ignore her blasphemous statement about nobody caring about dinosaur chicken nuggets. "Relax, babe – it's role play."
Velvet sighed heavily. "...Alright, fine, I stole my sister's dinosaur chicken nuggets, and this is apparently a big deal. Are you going to punish me for it?"
"Yes, I am."
"How?"
"I'm going to spank you with this cane right here." He gestured to the cane.
The cane which, he recalled, was surprisingly heavy when he picked it up. Also, it had a jewel of some kind stuck to the top of it, a fancy-looking engraved handle and knuckle guard, and was adorned with gold gears. Huh.
Had he seen this cane before somewhere? It seemed far too pimpin' to have been bought at a fetish shop or something.
Pushing that thought away, he turned back to his girlfriend.
"Take your panties off."
Probably a bit too blunt of him, but the damage was done.
"D-do I have to…?" Velvet asked, her face flushing red.
Jaune was about to say yes… but then she made the crucial error of giving him the bunny rabbit eyes.
"No, you don't," he immediately said. "I could never hurt an adorable thing such as you."
"Jaune!" Velvet proclaimed. "You're out of character!"
"...Sorry, babe. Let me try again." He cleared his throat. "Oh? Would you rather have detention every day for the rest of your time at Beacon?"
Velvet rolled her eyes, but ultimately went along with it. "N-no, sir… I'll do as you ask."
"Good. Now, take 'em off and bend over."
Nodding, Velvet stood up, her legs shaking with fear. Jaune had to admit, she was actually a pretty good actor. If she ever decided that being a Huntress wasn't going to work out, then-
Ass. Butt. Booty.
Whoops, got a little off-track there. Hard not to when his girlfriend's assets were staring him right in the face. Shaking himself out of his stupor, Jaune did his best to ignore what was going on in his pants in favor of getting up behind her, cane in hand.
"P-please be gentle…!" Velvet begged.
Jaune swallowed nervously. "N-now, it wouldn't be much of a punishment if I did that, now would it?"
Oh, Gods, this was going to be awful. He could just tell.
"I'm gonna do it."
How could anyone like this? It was going to suck, for both parties.
"Any moment now."
He was going to have to basically beat his girlfriend up, and she was going to have to be beaten. He already felt like shit just by role playing as a pervy teacher, he couldn't imagine how he was going to feel after actually hitting her.
"...Yeah, it's coming."
Could he really-
"Oh, for the love of the Gods, just hit me!" Velvet begged.
Jaune did as she asked.
Thwack!
"AH!"
"Babe!" Jaune shouted, tossing the cane aside. "You okay?! Hold on, I'll get some ice and-"
"N-no!" Velvet said through gritted teeth. "K-keep going! One!"
"Are you s-"
"Yes! Jaune, I need it! Oh, Gods, I'm such a bad girl! Please!"
"O-okay..."
Thwack!
"AH! T-two!"
Thwack!
"T-three…!"
Holy hot damn, three hits and he already felt like an enormous piece of shit. Even through her leggings, he could see that Velvet had started to bleed; it looked ridiculously painful. This was getting to be a bit too much.
"Babe, I don't know if I can-"
"Jaune, please! I'm so close!"
He hesitated. Well, if she was okay with it, then…
Thwack!
"AHHHH! F-four!"
There was no way this could get any worse.
"Ach, Jaune..." Velvet moaned. "Chuck it in me gash..."
There was one way this could get infinitely worse. Jaune winced, and this time it wasn't because he was beating the hell out of his girlfriend. Reluctantly, he brought the cane back, then forward.
"AH! Four, c-cunt!"
And there was his chance to stop this before it got any worse.
"Ah! You miscounted!" Jaune said, tossing the cane aside. "'Fraid I'm going to have to punish you a different way."
"What are you doing?" Velvet asked, surprised. "It's too soon to-"
"Ah, ah, ah! Naughty Beacon students have to do what their professors tell them, unless they want to get a lifetime of detentions!"
He hadn't intended to stick to the role play, but if it got him out of having to hear her talk any further, it was worth it.
Oh, and if it got him out of beating her, he supposed.
"Jaune, you slack cunt, what are you-"
Jaune cut her off by shoving her panties in her mouth, then pulling off his belt and tying her hands behind her back with it. Velvet glared at him from over her shoulder, but he didn't falter; after all, he was just doing what she had told him to.
Even though he was sure he was going to get a stern talking-to when this was all over.
Relieved that that was over, Jaune grinned. "Alright, time for the main event."
AKA, time for him to nut. Bending his girlfriend over, Jaune assumed the position, then-
Oh, sweet Gods.
It was sheer bliss, same as it always was. Luckily, Velvet wasn't so mad at him that she couldn't enjoy it, if her low moan was any indication.
What next? Ah, right.
He began to thrust, then reached for her ears and gave them a tug. Velvet gave a muffled scream through her gag, but it was coupled with some moans that he was very thankful were being muted.
That did nothing to make him feel like less of a piece of shit for hurting his girlfriend, though. This was like the Faunus equivalent of a donkey punch. Who came up with this sick shit anyway? Curse them for making his sweet, innocent GF into some kind of degenerate pervert.
Anyway, that aside, Jaune was really feeling it. Sure, it was some of the most awkward and unpleasant sex he had ever had… but one thing he had quickly learned was that sex was like filet mignon: when it was good it was really good, and when it was bad it was still pretty good. Velvet said something from behind her gag, causing him to wince – he knew what she wanted. He gave her another tug on her ear, and was rewarded with another scream followed by a sultry moan.
That, and the door to her dorm room exploding.
"What the fu-" Jaune said, both him and his girlfriend turning to see what was happening.
They were met by the entirety of Velvet's team, each of them glaring at Jaune with their weapons drawn. Slowly, Coco snarled at him.
"I knew it," she said accusingly. "He's forced himself onto her."
It was at that moment that Jaune realized just how bad this whole situation looked. Velvet was bound and gagged, her ears were bruised, her asscheeks were bleeding, and there were tears flowing down her cheeks.
Slowly, he raised his arms in surrender. "Uh, this isn't what it looks like?"
Velvet began to frantically shout something from behind her gag, but it was too late. Coco leveled her minigun in Jaune's direction and held down the trigger, sending him flying out the window.
"I'm sorry."
"Coco, for the hundredth time, it's fine. You didn't know."
"But I feel so bad!"
"Hey, you were just defending your friend. You should feel proud of that."
"M-my injured bunny rabbit sense was tingling!" Coco sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"
"...Your what?"
"My injured bunny rabbit sense! We all developed it after seeing Velvet get bullied! How was I supposed to know it would betray us?!"
Jaune opened his mouth to say something, only to wince when he felt an intense sting on his ass. "Ow!"
Behind him, Velvet rolled her eyes. "Oh, be quiet. It's just a little pain."
"Easy for you to say..." Jaune muttered.
Coco's attack, thankfully, had been somewhat mitigated by both his aura and the fact that it had sent him out the window pretty quickly. Still, going out the window had broken his aura and bombarded him with shards of glass, which meant that since he was naked, he was covered in cuts. Velvet had felt bad about the whole thing, figuring that it was at least partially her fault for not telling her teammates that she liked it very rough, and had taken it upon herself to act as his nurse.
Speaking of Velvet, she suddenly paused. "Oh, hold on – I think I see something glinting in that cut on your taint."
Oh, Gods… "Uh, babe?" Jaune asked, only somewhat frighted. "Be careful this time-"
"Yatsu, hand me those tweezers."
"...You're still mad about me going off-script, aren't you?"
"Maybe a little," Velvet said dryly. "Now relax, this will only hurt a bit."
Jaune felt her pull something out and had to bite back a shout. She was fucking lying, and she knew it.
"There," the rabbit Faunus stated, dumping the shard of glass in a nearby trash can. "You're done."
"Thank fuck..." Jaune said between gasps. "Can I put my clothes back on now?"
Yes, he was naked. It should have been awkward, but then again they had already seen him balls deep in their teammate, so it wasn't like it was anything new or any worse to them. Besides, it just made rubbing salve on his injuries (and, apparently, removing the shards of glass that Beacon's hospital team had missed) easier.
And that wasn't even going into the fact that literally nobody cared – Velvet had obviously seen it all before, Fox was blind and couldn't see shit anyway, Yatsuhashi was a guy so it wasn't like he was seeing anything he hadn't already seen, and Coco was a lesbian so aside from some gentle ribbing directed his way, she couldn't care less. At least, that had been Velvet's rationale behind him stripping down.
Obviously, the real reason was that she saw a chance to see him naked and she took it. He wasn't about to disparage her for it, either.
Speaking of Velvet, she rolled her eyes. "Yes, you big baby, you can put your clothes back on. Get dressed and let's head on down to the cafeteria."
The rest of her team went to stand up, but Velvet stopped them by holding up a hand. "If it's not too much trouble, I'd prefer it to just be the two of us. You know, because you kind of ruined our alone time last night."
"C'mon BunBun, I said I was sorry," Coco protested.
"I know, but I'd like to spend some time with my boyfriend, so if you'd please?"
"Alright, fine. Guess I'll go bug Pyrrha or something. Oh, and if you decide to start doing the horizontal boogie again, do us all a favor and put a sock on the door or something."
"Oh, whatever," Velvet said, waving her off.
Once she was gone, the rabbit Faunus turned to her boyfriend. "So, food?"
"...Yeah, that sounds good," Jaune said, rising to his feet with a wince.
He wasn't all that hungry, but at least going to the cafeteria would give him a respite from all the insanity that had happened recently.
Because, come on, how insane could the cafeteria get?
As it turned out, very insane.
"Hey, it's the freak!"
Oh, Gods dammit… Jaune sighed. Of all the days, Cardin and his team had to pick today to hang out in the cafeteria, doing… whatever it was people did in the cafeteria when they weren't eating. Bully people, he figured.
Honestly, this whole bullying thing was stupid as hell, for several reasons. Velvet herself wouldn't fight back since she didn't like to hurt people, but the rest of her team had no such qualms. Neither did Team RWBY or the rest of Jaune's team, all of whom would take great offense to his girlfriend being harassed.
Oh, and there was also him, but there were like four of them, he was still covered in cuts and bruises, and his balls were still blue from not cumming the night before, so he wasn't too keen on doing much about it.
He watched from afar, frowning as Velvet got into it with Cardin's team once more. He felt helpless; Velvet wouldn't want him to interfere since it would just make him a target for Cardin and his pack of assholes, and even if he did he would just get his ass beat.
How come the teachers just let this kind of thing go on? They had to know – Jaune found it hard to believe that Ozpin could afford to put cameras in every fucking sector of the Emerald Forest, yet he apparently didn't have them in every room in the school. He was calling bullshit on that.
What was the deal with this racist garbage, anyway? Did people not realize there were monsters like five minutes outside of school grounds that ate everybody, Faunus or not? Race was such a stupid thing to be concerned about given that fact. The only way to take racism and make it even stupider was to give said racist a metric assload of cash and have them employ that race as slave labor, then get super butthurt when members of that race struck back, and then use it as an excuse to be even more racist.
Not that he was naming names or anything.
Across the room, Cardin sneered. "So, little rabbit, I have to ask: are those ears still real?"
Velvet rolled her eyes. "You know they are, prick."
"Prick? Well, now I'm offended. I think I should check them, just to be sure."
Alright, that did it – he was calling Goodwitch. She would hate having to be pulled off her 24/7 Nora disaster watch, but this was an emergency. Jaune pulled his scroll out of his pocket, then began to type Glynda's number in… that is, what he could remember of it.
Hey, it wasn't his fault – Glynda didn't just go around programming her number into people's scrolls, and it wasn't like people still typed numbers in rather than just use their contacts list.
Basically, he remembered the area code and nothing else.
Think, Jaune. What would Glynda's number be? He paused. Fuck it, worth a shot.
555-800-8135
The scroll rang three times before someone picked up.
"Hello?"
Again, Jaune paused. "...Miss Goodwitch?"
"Mister Arc?" A pause. "...How did you get this number?"
Use your head, Jaune. Lie. "Uh… lucky guess?"
On the other side of the line, he heard a sigh. "...Okay, sure. Is this a prank call?"
"No, I'm here to tell you that Cardin is bullying Velvet."
"What are you calling me for? Call Coco already, you dunce!"
That… that was actually a good point. Huh. Why did he waste time doing this, again?
Also, what the fuck, Coco? So much for her injured bunny rabbit sense. Maybe she should take a break from trying to get Pyrrha to experiment with her (at least, he assumed that was what happened whenever a lesbian went to hang out with a straight girl, otherwise porn had lied to him once again) and, you know, actually fucking help her teammate for once instead of clam jamming her.
…Not that it was much of a clam jam; Velvet, true to her word, had cum like six times last night before Coco arrived. It was basically ankle-deep in that room. The only one unsatisfied was Jaune, and boy was he.
Why was he thinking about this right now? His girlfriend was being harassed, and if he didn't stop wasting time, someone was going to do something stupid.
"Ow!"
Like that. Cardin had just tugged on Velvet's ear. Jaune mentally kicked himself for wasting so much time on pointless introspection when he could be helping his girlfriend.
...Okay, getting other people to help his girlfriend, but you get the idea.
Cardin began to laugh, as did his friends. Velvet lowered her head, her hair falling down to cover her eyes. Jaune suddenly felt terrible. Because of him, his cute girlfriend was now being embarrassed. He could have helped, but instead he did nothing. What kind of asshole even did that?
...Oh, right. Him, his team, and Team RWBY, the first time they saw this exact same thing happening.
Man, they really weren't good people, were they? What next, were some of them going to just throw dudes off a moving train into a horde of Grimm, leaving them to be eaten alive?
He wasn't sure why his mind went there of all places, but whatever.
Suddenly, a low laugh began to echo throughout the cafeteria. It was extremely sinister, almost supervillain-tier. It was similar to the laugh that weird girl from Haven did – the one who looked way too old to be a first-year – only not nearly as tryhard and actually intimidating. Confused, Jaune looked around, only to find that, to his surprise, it was coming from Velvet.
Cardin and his goons seemed to realize it too, as they all turned to look at her, perplexed.
"Uh, you feeling okay?" Cardin asked.
Velvet flashed him a predatory grin. "Do you have any idea what you've just done?"
"...Pulled your ears?"
"Indeed. Now, there once was a time when I would have gladly let this happen."
"What."
"But the time of using you for my own sexual gratification has ended."
Cardin quickly let go of Velvet's ears, wiping his hand on his school uniform as he stared at her with disgust.
Velvet's grin widened. "No, I have another for that. He is the only one that gets to hurt me now."
"You're fucking weird," Cardin said. He actually sounded creeped out. "I'm leaving, fuck this."
He turned and took one step away, only for Velvet to stop him by putting a hand on his shoulder. He froze, swallowing nervously.
"Jaune is the only one who gets to hurt me," Velvet stated. "Do you realize what that means?"
"...No?" Cardin whispered, his voice full of fear.
Her grin widened, showing off way too many teeth. "It means you've just done something that only my boyfriend gets to do. That means you're trying to assume his place, you know. And I don't take kindly to NTR." She flipped her hair out of the way, showing off gleaming, hate-filled eyes.
"It means you're right right rooted, you bloody bounce."
Cardin didn't even get to scream before Velvet decided to cast off her non-violent ways and open up a can of whoop-ass, all to… defend her boyfriend's right to cause her immense physical pain, all in the name of her own sexual gratification? Jaune sighed, facepalming.
This was his life now, apparently. At least it couldn't get any weirder than this.
The school intercom suddenly buzzed to life.
"Attention," Ozpin's voice sounded from it, "...Has anyone seen my cane? It's been missing since last night."
Jaune facedesked the lunch table so hard that he knocked himself unconscious.
Jaune had thought that after the spanking incident, Velvet would have chosen to rein things in a bit. It was a natural assumption, given that things had started off crazy and only gotten any crazier.
"Run this by me again, because I'm not quite sure I understand you."
Unfortunately, Velvet had other plans.
The rabbit Faunus sighed tiredly, holding up her camera. "I want to make a sex tape with you, then put it online."
Yup, she was officially going there. Sure, it wasn't nearly as crazy as the spanking incident, but Jaune wasn't exactly keen on the entire DustNet seeing the two of them naked.
"Ah." He paused. "...Is this like a fetish thing, or…?"
Velvet rolled her eyes. "Gee, what could have possibly given you that idea?"
"Well, you seem pretty keen on-"
"Yes, it's a fetish thing! The idea of other people getting off to us is insanely hot to me, and I want to give it a shot."
Sure, she was saying that, but Jaune was reasonably certain that what she really wanted was to satisfy her impulsive desire to take photos and videos of everything. Posting it online for others to see was just a bonus to her.
"...Forgive me if I'm a bit hesitant," Jaune said.
"Why? Do you really think people will recognize us?"
"Yes."
"Well, don't worry – I won't film anything above the chest."
"...And what if one of us moans the other's name?" Jaune asked.
Again, Velvet rolled her eyes. "I'll censor it in post. C'mon, you know you want to."
He really, really didn't. This was just about the worst idea she had ever had. He wasn't sure how, but he could just tell that this was going to backfire.
"And if I refuse?"
"Then no more sex for a month," she said.
That was a dangerous game she was playing, considering that she needed it just as bad as he did, if not more so. That wasn't to say she didn't know what she was doing, of course – this was the very definition of a catch twenty-two. If he called her bluff and dared her to do it, she probably would, which at best would result in no sex for a month for either of them and at worst put a lot of strain on their once-loving relationship. On the other hand, if he didn't call her bluff, then he would be giving in, and she would get what she wanted. Either way, he lost.
Man, this was a real dick move. He had always thought this was something from shitty romantic comedies and sitcoms, but she had taken that concept and fucking weaponized it. There was absolutely no winning here – the only possible solution was to pick the option that sucked less.
And unfortunately, it was pretty easy to see what that was.
Jaune sighed tiredly. "...Set up the camera and prep your diaphragm, or whatever girls need to do to get ready for sex."
Velvet's only response was to grin smugly at him.
Jaune walked through the halls, rubbing sleep from his eyes in the process. Last night had been crazy – utterly vanilla, but intense. Velvet had certainly made up for the time lost when Coco had interrupted them. That wasn't to say it was unenjoyable… but it would have been better if she hadn't recorded it and posted it online. Like, talk about awkward. Apparently, it already had a few thousand hits, which was insane to think about.
That was a few thousand more people than he had ever thought would see his dick, to say nothing about how they had seen him actually using his dick. It was weird as shit to even think about.
So, he didn't. Pushing those thoughts from his head with a shudder, Jaune pushed his way through the doors into Port's class.
Upon entering, it was clear that he had made a mistake.
Everyone went dead silent, instantly turning to face him with a stunned expression. Jaune swallowed nervously. There was Team RWBY, the rest of his team, Team CRDL in full-body casts… the gang was all there.
Tentatively, he raised a hand. "Uh, hey?"
For a moment, nobody said or did anything. It was completely silent as they all stared at him.
And then somebody started the slow clap.
The rest of the room was quick to pick it up, creating a cacophony of noise that sounded not unlike what had happened last night – the flesh-on-flesh sound was certainly familiar. Even Port joined in.
Jaune was stunned. He had no idea what to think. Frozen, he stood there, incapable of doing anything.
Yang rose from her seat, then stepped over to him, grabbed one of his arms, and raised it up above his head. Everyone in the room went wild, much to his confusion.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" she replied. "You've only made the best porn in recent memory."
"...I did?"
"Yeah. I mean, do you have any idea how hard it is to find porn that isn't some overacted piece of shit with cringy dialog or weird fetishes? It's like trying to find a unicorn. Everyone here owes you a big favor for giving them some new fap fuel."
Jaune paled. "...You mean you all-"
"Watched it? Oh, fuck yeah. That was some good shit."
"...How'd you even know-"
"That it was you?" He nodded. Yang shrugged. "I mean, it wasn't hard – you two are loud enough already that recognizing your moans was easy enough. Also, her accent is easy to identify."
Damn it, Vel… Jaune thought to himself. He flushed red, though this didn't stop the crowd from going even crazier.
"Arc! Arc! Arc!"
Hesitantly, Jaune turned towards Yang. "...What do I do now?"
"Bask in the glory, my friend." She paused. "...And make more videos – you could probably make some good money off of this."
That was an awful thing to say. His and Velvet's sex lives weren't something to be exploited for financial gain. The very idea was insulting.
...And also appealing, because holy shit, if an entire fucking room full of people were willing to chant his name for something as simple as this, maybe it deserved a second thought.
Hurriedly, Jaune fished his scroll out of his pocket and sent a text to Velvet, then settled into his seat.
They needed to talk.
Five years later…
Salem let out a low moan as she sank down into her throne, massaging her temples. She could feel a killer migraine coming on, and it was all because of those damn humans and Faunus.
Five years ago, it was all so easy – send in the Grimm, they get attracted by humanity's terror, and she gets to sit back and watch the fireworks. Simple, but effective. It had worked for thousands of years, and there was never any reason to change it. Sure, she could have probably wiped out humanity at any time, but where was the fun in that? If she did that, she would be alone, with nothing but Grimm to keep her company and/or let her terrorize them. And while that may have been her ultimate goal, what good was pursuing a goal if you couldn't enjoy the journey? No – it was better to take things slow, and bask in humanity's terror from the shadows before snuffing them out.
At least, that was what she told herself. The alternative was accepting that she was too incompetent to truly finish humanity after having the upper hand against them for centuries, and that just wouldn't do.
Of course, the only problem with this was that basking in humanity's terror required them to actually be terrified, and for the last five years, they hadn't been.
Something had changed, half a decade ago. She wasn't sure what, but whatever it was, it made it infinitely harder to terrorize them. Suddenly, her Grimm weren't being attracted to human settlements anymore – heck, the smaller Grimm were barely following orders, so starved of fear as they were! She was being forced to use her more valuable Grimm, and was losing them faster than ever before as a result.
Clearly, this was one of Ozma's tricks. There was simply no other explanation.
The door to her chambers opened, and she sat up straight so as to look more menacing. It was Watts and Cinder – excellent, they had accomplished their mission.
"Report," she commanded. "Have you discovered what has emboldened humanity so?"
The two of them exchanged a nervous glance with each other. Odd, because both of them hated one another – this was quite possibly the first-ever show of solidarity between the two of them since they had been working under her. Neither of them said anything.
"Well?" Salem demanded, impatient.
Cinder put an arm on Watts' shoulder and pushed him forwards. He glared at her, but quickly turned back to Salem before clearing his throat.
"Yes, my lady," he said. "We… believe we have discovered the cause of your, ah… impotence, shall we say."
"Get on with it," Salem said, unamused.
"Of course. But perhaps it would be better to show you."
From his pocket, he retrieved his scroll. Tossing it to Salem, she caught it before opening up and looking at it. Seeing what was on the screen, she raised an eyebrow.
"Watts?"
"Yes, my lady?"
"What am I looking at?"
"I believe it's called pornography."
"I see." She paused. "...Why are you showing this to me?"
"Look at the view count."
Salem's eyes scanned the screen, searching for the view count. It was hard to figure out what was what, because she wasn't used to this newfangled technology – apparently, she was what Mercury and Emerald had called a 'boomer', whatever that meant.
Funny how they thought she wouldn't find out about that. They had definitely regretted it after spending an hour in a Taijitu's stomach. Sure, she had let them out afterwards, but it was a lesson they wouldn't be forgetting any time soon.
In any case, that wasn't important right now. Eventually, she located the view count, which caused her to involuntarily raise an eyebrow.
"Is this view count accurate?"
"That depends. Is it in the billions?"
"Yes."
"Then yes."
"But… but this is impossible! Remnant doesn't even have that many people on it! What is the meaning of this?"
Watts shrugged. "Apparently, good porn is hard to find, so people flock to it whenever they can find it."
"I… see," Salem said tentatively. Obviously, she didn't see at all. "...And why show me this?"
This time, Watts motioned for Cinder to step forwards. She did so hesitantly, clearing her throat.
"...We believe that these videos are the cause of your, um… performance problem," she stated. "It's tough to feel afraid when you're horny, you see."
Salem blinked, surprised. "...Let me get this straight," she began. "You're telling me that thousands of years of planning, centuries upon centuries of being humanity's nightmare, has been undone in five years… by videos of people having sex?"
Cinder hesitated before giving the only answer she could. "...Yes."
"...Unbelievable," Salem growled. "Ozma, this may be your most devious plan yet..."
"Actually," Watts interjected, "We don't think he had anything to do with this."
"What?! Then who?!"
"A few Beacon students – yes, I know, but Ozma knew nothing of this," Watts quickly added. "Two students in particular – a Mister Jaune Arc and a Miss Velvet Scarlatina." He paused. "...Or, perhaps, Mister and Missus Arc now – they moved fast, you see."
"This is unacceptable!" Salem shouted. "Something must be done!"
Cinder nodded. "Indeed, my queen. And I have just the plan to-"
"Cinder, I require several sets of sexy underwear!"
Immediately, the Maiden paused. "...I'm sorry, what was that?"
"Sexy. Underwear," Salem said, slowly. Turning to Watts, she said, "And from you, I will need help setting up a video camera."
"Of course," Watts said. He hesitated. "...May I ask why?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Salem asked. "I can't exactly mass an attack on one of the kingdoms with the Grimm I have left – they would be destroyed in an instant with how unified the world has gotten. No, the only option is to fight fire with fire."
She turned back to the scroll in her hand. "They want something sexy? Well, I'll show them just how sexy evil can be. And then humanity will truly fear me."
Again, Watts and Cinder exchanged a glance. "...My queen," Watts began, "are you perhaps… jealous that these videos are receiving more attention than your Grimm are?"
"Of course not!" Salem snapped. "Suggest such a thing again and I shall feed you to Kevin."
Not her first choice of name for a Grimm Wyvern, but unfortunately, Mercury's joke suggestion had ended up sticking.
He had spent another hour inside the Taijitu for that one, but had ultimately deemed it worth it, the little bastard.
Salem crossed her arms. "Now, are there any further questions?"
Watts and Cinder again exchanged a glance for the third time before shaking their heads. Salem motioned for them to leave.
"Go, then. Get things set up. Soon, I shall have humanity's undivided attention once more."
This was the perfect plan. Absolutely nothing could get in the way of it.
Miles upon miles away, Jaune paused mid-thrust.
"Babe?" Velvet asked. "Something wrong?"
He shook his head. "Nothing."
"Come on, you can tell me anything."
"No really, it's nothing."
See, this was the thing that women didn't get – when they asked a guy what was going through his head and he said, 'nothing', the answer wasn't truly 'nothing'. Rather, 'nothing' actually meant 'there's totally something going through my head, but it's so fucking crazy and stupid that you'll think I'm weird if I tell you what it is, so you're better off just thinking it's actually nothing because I don't want you to think less of me for saying something this dumb out loud'.
"Jaune," she said sternly.
He sighed. Usually she didn't push this issue, but apparently she could see that he was really bothered by it.
Well, here goes nothing.
"I just sensed a disturbance, as if there actually was a Grimm queen, and she discovered our videos and decided the only way to counteract the resulting positive vibes from the rest of the populace was to film sexy videos of her own to prove that evil somehow was sexier than good."
Velvet blinked. "...Uh, sure."
"Hey, you asked."
"I did. ...You, uh, feeling better now that that's off your chest?"
"Not really," he admitted. "I'm still focused on the last stupid thought that crossed my mind."
"What, that you're actually a fictional character being used in someone's shitty copyright-infringing work of fan fiction?
"Yes."
Velvet huffed. "...Babe, no offense, but is this really the time to be worrying about something like this? I mean, we're rolling."
Jaune cast a glance over at the camera. Silently, he shrugged.
"No, I guess not."
She gave him a sultry look, then leaned up to give him a peck on the cheek. "Then let's get back to it, shall we?"
Hey, she didn't have to tell him twice. He wasn't going to say no to having sex with his hot wife.
"Ah! J-Jaune… w-wreck me Down Under..."
On second thought, maybe it wasn't too late to change his mind.
Obviously, I mean no offense to any of my Australian readers out there. If you were offended, then hopefully you will feel better tearing my probably horrendously incorrect use of Australian slang to shreds in the comment section, or something.
Anyway, I had a really good time writing this chapter, because it's fucking stupid and stupid stuff is a lot of fun to write. The stupider/crazier I can make it, the better, hence the bit at the end with Salem - I wanted to see just how stupid I could make this chapter, so I added that as a little extra when it came time to edit just to see if I could get away with it or not.
Aside from that, I don't really have anything else. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
Next update: Saturday, March 7th.