Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 8: Melanie and Miltia, or: Sharing Is Not Caring
For the longest time, Jaune Arc had been afraid that he was going to die a kissless, handholdless virgin. It was perhaps a bit paranoid of him – he was only seventeen, after all – but it felt appropriate given how many of his attempts to woo women ended in disaster.
Seriously, one of them ended with her hitting him in the face and also the balls with a stun gun.
But then, everything changed one fateful night, when Yang invited him to go drinking with her. Despite his reservations about underage drinking, Jaune had decided that he didn't have anything else going on, so he might as well be a good friend and go to make sure she kept out of trouble – make sure nobody was spiking her drink, hold her hair back as she retched over a toilet, maybe call a cab if they both got a bit too fucked up, that sort of thing.
After a bit of bar-hopping, the two of them had ended up at a place called Junior's, somewhere which was already familiar with Yang given the very warm entrance the two of them received.
That was quite literal, by the way – one of those guys had a flamethrower.
After a quick explanation saying that they were simply there to drink and be merry, the situation was defused enough that the weapons were put away, and the two were allowed inside so long as they signed an arbitration agreement (whatever that was).
And then, to Jaune's amazement, he had been approached by a girl who seemed surprisingly bashful around him, and introduced herself as Miltia. Apparently, she caught a glimpse from afar and wanted to dance. Never one to spit in the face of a god-given miracle, Jaune had agreed, and the two of them had taken to the dance floor for a bit. After a few songs, she thanked him, then left. He thought that was the end of it… but then he was approached by that same girl again, only this time she was wearing a different outfit and had her hair done differently, and was much more forward with him. Again, she asked for a dance, and again, Jaune agreed. Surprisingly, her personality had completely reversed – she had gone from somewhat reserved to openly bumping and grinding on him.
Aside from him having to hide an erection, the two of them had a great time, and after again thanking him, Jaune returned to the bar next to Yang, who had a very amused look on her face. He asked her what was up, and she just laughed and said she was waiting for disaster to strike.
The only problem with that statement was that disaster never came – the girl from earlier approached and, surprisingly, apologized for tricking him. Then she introduced him to her sister.
Her twin sister.
Apparently, the two of them had a deal going – if they were both interested in the same guy, they would both take turns getting to know him, and then one of them would back off if she wasn't feeling it as much as the other and let the other twin take over. It was a system that had worked perfectly… until he had come along. Now, there was a hiccup.
Namely, that neither of them wanted to back off. They both liked him a lot.
Jaune had nearly fainted at that news. To learn that there was not just one, but two girls chasing after him? It was like a dream come true. Maybe he wouldn't die a virgin after all. Of course his relief quickly gave way to remorse when he finally noticed the Goliath in the room.
He was going to have to choose one of them.
And while Jaune Arc was many things, he was not a heartbreaker.
He had agonized over his decision for several minutes before a very drunk Yang had piped up with what had to be the most obvious solution in the history of obvious solutions.
"Why not date both?"
It was ludicrous. It was unfair to the two of them. It was something out of a bad porno.
It was absolutely genius, the twins had declared. At Jaune's dumbfounded expression, they explained that they had grown up sharing everything, so there was no reason why they couldn't share the same guy.
There seemed to be several obvious flaws with that plan, but this whole situation was already too good to be true. The stars had aligned, and fortune was smiling on him on this day – two sexy twins who wanted to share him? Yeah, he was all over that. Mom wouldn't approve, but then again Mom never had sexy twins who wanted to, for lack of a better term, treat him as the center layer of a peanut-butter-and-Jaune sandwich.
So, when faced with every teenage boy's fantasy, Jaune had done the natural thing – he had listened to his boner and said yes.
And so, that was where they stood now – Jaune had agreed to give the whole thing a shot, and for a while, it was good.
But it didn't take long for problems to begin to appear.
"Melanie, it's my turn!"
"Wait – ah! – until I'm done, Sis! We're almost there!"
Like what was going on now.
Jaune sighed tiredly as one of his girlfriends rode him like a rodeo horse. The sex was great, but it was tough to really get into it when he knew what was about to happen. Miltia was sitting a few feet away, an irritated expression on her face as she watched her sister try to squeeze every last drop from Little Jaune; the blonde cast her an apologetic glance. Obviously, a polyamorous relationship like this was going to have its problems.
He just wished they didn't extend to the bedroom.
Finally, Miltia had enough. "Alright, that's it!" She stood up, then approached her sister and roughly shoved her off of Jaune's crotch.
The blonde sucked in a breath. "G-girls, could you be a bit more gentle? It's kind of sensitive down there..."
Miltia simply grinned, victorious, as she positioned herself over top of him. "Hear that, Melanie? Jaune wants you to be more gentle!"
"A-actually, I want you both to be-"
"Well, he doesn't know what he wants!" Melanie protested, picking herself up off the ground. "I'll tell him what he wants!"
"Oh, like that time you claimed he wanted to call you Mommy?"
"He liked it!"
"No, he didn't!"
"What?!" Shocked, Melanie looked over to Jaune. "Jaune, tell my sister you liked it when you called me Mommy."
"Uh..." Jaune said, unsure of how to respond.
"Ha!" Miltia said. "See that? He didn't like it!"
"W-well, I'm always open to trying new-"
"Whatever!" Melanie replied. She cast a glance over at the clock, then glared at her sister. "Hey, I still have thirty seconds!"
"You snooze, you get clam jammed~" Miltia sang as she lowered herself down. Again, Jaune sucked in a breath. Okay, forget the sex being hard to enjoy – he was pretty close, and he was starting to really get into it now. Melanie was better than her sister at sex since she actually had some experience in that department, but Miltia was no slouch, even if she did try out crazy things from porn a bit too much.
He still hadn't forgotten that time when she had tried to, for lack of a better term, go for one in the stink while he hit her from below. Ren had once told him about an ancient Mistralian ritual called the Kancho, and Jaune had pretty much experienced it firsthand that fateful night. Easily one of the worst nights of his life.
But thankfully, tonight the girls were somewhat restrained with how they were treating him.
Emphasis on the 'somewhat', as Miltia literally throwing her sister off his dick had proven.
Miltia let out a moan when she finally reached the base. "Fuck, that's good… Jaune, my sister didn't get you to finish, did she?"
"N-not yet?"
"That's because she sucks at sex compared to me. Don't worry – Big Sis will take care of you."
Melanie's jaw dropped. "Oh, so it's not okay for me to mommy dom him, but you can roleplay as his big sister?"
"You heard him – he's open to trying new things~"
"A-actually, I have a big sister, and she's a lesbian, so it's kind of weird t-"
Miltia cut him off by gyrating her hips, forcing a moan out of him. She giggled softly. "Jaune, you've been a good boy, so feel free to let yourself go inside of me, since Mean Melanie couldn't get you to finish."
"I was almost there!" Melanie protested.
"She's – oh fuck… – a really selfish lover, isn't she?" Miltia asked.
Jaune didn't respond; he was too busy staring up at the ceiling, his eyes rolled back and his tongue hanging out like he was a character in a Mistralian hentai. Just a bit longer now…
Miltia giggled. "That's a good look for you. Shame Melanie will never cause it."
"That's it!" Melanie roared. "Come here, bitch!"
With that, the long-haired twin launched herself at her sister, the two colliding in a mess of limbs. They both went tumbling off the bed, landing in a heap on the floor. Jaune let out a groan as Miltia was pulled off of him, stopping him about one thrust away from finishing.
"Whore!"
"Skank!"
"Bimbo!"
"Slut!"
"Cumslut!"
"That's the same insult!"
"No it's not!"
"Is too!"
"You're just mad that you're nothing more than a semen receptacle for old men and lonely perverts!"
"Don't call Jaune an old man!"
Jaune sighed, burying his head in his hands. This was the third time this week already, and it was only getting worse. He could handle the sibling rivalries, the constant attempts to get his attention, and the awful things they called each other, but there was one thing he could never deal with.
Namely, that they hadn't let him cum before starting this time.
So now he was stuck, on the verge of an orgasm but not quite there, as he watched his two girlfriends wrestle on the ground.
...His two sexy, sweat-covered, naked girlfriends, both of them letting out the cutest little noises as they pulled and tugged on each other's hair, their hands unintentionally roaming over every square inch of each other's bodies, their breasts occasionally being pressed together…
Oh, he was feeling it. Much to his disgust.
This was wrong. They were sisters – twin sisters, at that. It was immoral, disgusting, and exploitative of him to watch it and not even attempt to stop it.
But at the same time, it was hot as hell, and he was a man in desperate need of release.
Sighing, he reached down with one hand, knowing this was probably going to end up being one of his more regretful faps, like that time he walked in on Nora and Ren in the shower together.
Despite what the DustNet memes said, incest was not actually wincest. It was, in fact, a very shameful fap.
Unfortunately, much like how the forbidden fruit was also the sweetest, the shameful faps also tended to be the best. Jaune collapsed, spent, and wiped his hand on the bedsheets before curling up and trying to get some sleep.
In the background, his girlfriends continued to fight. He ignored it; they would tire themselves out eventually, like a couple of puppies playing tug-of-war. He just thanked his lucky stars that they weren't playing tug-of-war with him this time.
Last time they had, his dick had needed an IcyHot.
As bad as they could get, spending the night with his two cute girlfriends wasn't actually awful – he still got to have sex with both of them, and while it tended to deteriorate into an often very literal slapfight, it was still nice to be around the twins until that point.
Of course, that was just the nights they had sex. There were still lots of things that couples did together. And unfortunately for Jaune, there was one activity that he dreaded more than anything.
Date night.
It started the way it always did: with the dreaded Eight Words.
"Where do you two want to go tonight?"
And it was all downhill from there.
"The carnival!"
"Really, Melanie?"
"What's wrong with the carnival? It's a classic!"
"It's loud, smelly, and staffed by child molesters dressed as clowns."
"That's a myth!"
"No, it's not."
"Well then, where do you want to go?"
"Candlelit dinner."
"Boring! Jaune, tell Miltia that her idea sucks!"
And there it was. No matter what the argument was about, it always had to involve him. The two of them could never just settle things on their own – he always had to be dragged into it. And these arguments often got really stupid, like the one over whether or not pink was actually its own color or just a type of lightish-red. Speaking of the Pink Incident, that was one of those arguments that seemed innocuous, but ended up costing thousands of lien in property damage.
It was like being back in the Arc household all over again, but infinitely worse because he didn't have parents to step in when he failed to defuse the situation and also help pay the bill whenever things deteriorated in a public space and things inevitably ended up broken.
Transitioning back to the argument at hand, there was a way to handle it that was somewhat fair, but it was still inevitably going to lead to one of them being disappointed.
"Melanie, we did what you wanted to do last time," Jaune pointed out.
At that, the long-haired girl deflated. "...You're right," she admitted. Sighing, she turned to Miltia. "Alright, candlelit dinner."
Jaune breathed a silent sigh of relief. That was that landmine defused, then.
"Great," he began, "So, where should we go for dinner?"
He realized his mistake the moment he said it, but even clamping his hands over his mouth wouldn't be enough to fix it. The Blake was out of the bag. The damage had been done, and the twins were now arguing once more.
"Vytalian."
"Vytalian is too rich! Let's just go get some hamburgers or something."
"Seriously, Melanie? That's not date food!"
"Of course it is! It's a classic!"
"Do you know anything about dating that wasn't learned from crappy teenage romance movies?!"
"Do you know anything about sex that wasn't learned from porn?"
"Of course I do!"
"No, you don't! You were a virgin before Jaune came along!"
"Well, that's better than being easy, like you!"
"At least I know how to please a man!"
"No, you don't! Jaune likes me in bed better than you!"
"Well, he likes me better than you in general!"
"Whore!"
"Skank!"
"Bitch!"
"You came out of Mom after I did!"
Miltia gasped, offended. Her eyes narrowed. "You agreed never to bring that up again! You take that back!"
Melanie grinned. "Nope! That makes you the baby, Miltia!"
"You can't call me the baby!"
"Why not?"
"Because that makes Jaune sound like a pedo!"
Jaune cast a glance around and happened to notice that people were staring at them. Nervously, he coughed. "Uh, girls? Could you keep it down? People are starting to stare..."
"Hear that, Melanie?" Miltia asked. "Jaune says you're being too loud!"
"Am not!"
"Are too! It's just like whenever you climax – you blow the windows out!"
"Yeah? Well, you pee yourself!"
"Squirting is not pee!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Two-dollar callgirl!"
"Turbo floozy!"
And just like that, they were back at it again, only this time there was a crowd watching. Jaune took one look at the two of them as they went at it, then shrugged, turned in a half-circle, and began to quietly walk away.
That was the thing about Date Night – as bad as it was, at least it was over quick. He was probably going to catch a lot of flak for just leaving them there, but he could always excuse it with one of his friends needing something.
Pyrrha would probably be irritated that he was using the 'My partner's on her period and needs me to get her some ice cream before she kills someone' excuse after using it the week before, but he had no other option. It was either that or suffer through the rest of Date Night.
And even about a hundred feet away, his choice was obvious.
"Flapper!"
"Low-class prostitute!"
"Nope," Jaune said aloud, crossing the street to duck inside the nearest ice cream parlor.
Anything to get away from his two arguing girlfriends.
"Damn, that's hot," Nora said, staring at Yang's scroll.
Jaune groaned, resting his head on the table. "I'd appreciate it if you all didn't oggle my girlfriends."
Yang snickered. "Hate to tell you this, but the entire DustNet's currently oggling your girlfriends – the video's got over a million hits, and it's only been a day. And I must say, it couldn't have happened to a better pair of girls."
If Jaune had been a bit more astute and a bit less concerned with getting caught in the crossfire, he would have checked to make sure nobody was recording his girlfriends' little catfight in the middle of downtown Vale. That being said, at least part of him was thankful that he hadn't intervened – the property damage was already immense enough as it was.
"Oh, here it comes," Yang said, motioning to her scroll. "And, boom! Double nipple slip – one from Bitch Pudding and the other from Thotimus Prime. Gotta love it."
"What's this video called?" Weiss asked, a hint of morbid curiosity in her voice.
"It's called 'Twin girls slapfight fail double nipple slip', in all caps and with the As replaced with 4s to get past the content bots."
"I'm surprised this is allowed on DustTube."
Yang shrugged. "They apply the rules as they see fit. Nobody really knows why they do anything. I mean, they'll take down a video for using a word they don't approve of, yet one of my favorite bands still has a behind-the-scenes video up that features them going to a strip club, and that's been up for like a decade. It makes no sense. Anyway, you know what it's called, so feel free to go masturbate to it like the useless lesbian we all know you are."
The heiress went beet red. "I-I wasn't!"
"You know," Pyrrha said between bites of chocolate ice cream, "That's really something I'd expect from Blake, Weiss."
Blake shuddered. "3DPD? Pass." She then turned back to her book.
Everyone gave her a strange look before turning back to Yang. Next to her, Jaune sighed.
"I just don't know what to do," he said. "No matter what happens, it ends with them fighting – we go to the movies? They fight over what size popcorn to get. We try to watch a show? They fight over who's sitting where. We try to have sex? They fight over who gets to go first. It's unbelievable."
Ruby and Yang exchanged a glance. "Uh, no it's not," Ruby said.
Jaune looked at her, surprised. "What?"
"Yeah, you really should have expected this, Vomit Boy," Yang said. "I may love Rubes, but there are some things I just can't share with her, and men would be closer to the top of that list."
"…Do I even want to know what's actually at the very top of that list?"
"My bike."
"Oh. And Ruby's is-"
"My sex toy collection." Everyone gave the little redhead a bewildered look, causing her to puff out her cheeks. "Hey, I can be kinky, too! Right, Blake?"
"If it isn't vanilla, it isn't right," Blake said dryly, again turning a page in her book. "Missionary position with the lights off or bust. Everything else is degenerate, and degenerates belong on a cross."
"...Uh, sure," Jaune replied. He turned back to Yang. "Anyway, what are you saying? You're the one who convinced me to date them both in the first place!"
Yang blinked. "I did?"
"Yes! You said that if your family could pull it off, I should have no problem!"
"Geez, either you were really drunk or I was really drunk or both of us were really drunk, because that's just wrong."
"What?!"
"Yeah, my family failed at the whole polyamory thing," Yang said, waving her hand. "My mom ran off after giving birth to me, my other mom died, my dad became a depressed wreck, and my uncle… well, he wasn't actually a part of the poly despite people thinking he's Ruby's dad for some reason, but he did end up a useless alcoholic, so there's that."
"Then why did you tell me that it worked?"
"Why were you listening to a drunk girl in a bar while you were also drunk?" Ren pointed out.
That… was a good point, actually. What was he thinking? "It… seemed like a good idea at the time?"
"Is that just how you live your life?" Nora asked. "I mean, that was your rationale for applying to Beacon with fake transcripts, then continuing to try and brute-force your way through despite lacking combat experience and basic knowledge."
Again, that was a good point, actually. Huh. He was probably going to have to find a different philosophy to live by at some point, lest he get himself into real trouble. At this rate, he was going to end up nearly getting himself killed by dumbly trying to rush down an opponent much stronger than he was in a fit of grief-stricken rage, probably while his friends just stood there and watched, and that would just be an embarrassing way to go.
Jaune sighed, hanging his head. "Alright, so what do you all suggest, then?"
Blake roughly slammed her book shut, then stood up. "Break it off."
Jaune looked up at her. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
The cat Faunus rolled her eyes, then strode over to the other side of the table, grabbed him by the collar, and pulled him to his feet. "I'll make this simple, so you can understand it: Break. Up. With. Them." She began to roughly shake him. "Poly. Doesn't. Work! Harems. Don't. Work!"
"T-they don't?"
"Not outside of porn or blatant wish fulfillment. And despite what you may want to believe, this isn't an anime and you are not a harem protagonist."
"Alright, just stop shaking me!"
Blake obliged, letting go of him and gently dusting off where she had grabbed. "Think about this, Jaune," she implored. "Poly and harems are all fun and games until the honeymoon period ends and you have to actually live with each other. Domestic life is hard enough between two partners, but if you add more to that mix, it becomes downright impossible – you won't be able to effectively balance everyone's needs, and that's assuming you're able to perfectly schedule everything on a day-to-day basis, which just doesn't happen. Eventually, someone is going to get jealous that you're spending more time with someone else, and then they're going to stab you in the eye with an ice pick for banging the other girl over her. Consider the following: You aren't happy. They aren't happy. Is this really a relationship you want to continue for a long time, possibly forever?"
Jaune blanched at that notion. Frantically, he shook his head.
"Then go. You know what you must do."
Jaune nodded, then stood up. "I know what I must do," he echoed.
"To save them and yourself, you must end the poly."
"To save them and myself, I must end the poly."
Blake smirked. "I have nothing else to teach you, young padawan. Now go, and fulfill your destiny."
"I will," Jaune declared. "Look out, Malachite twins – Jaune the heartbreaker is ready to go!"
With that, he took off, a spring in his step. Blake gave a satisfied sigh, then settled into her seat and picked up her book. She hadn't even gotten a few words in when she noticed everyone still left at the table was staring at her in shock.
"What?" she asked. "I read Mistralian smut. I know things."
Yang shook her head. "No, we just thought you were a huge degenerate and that you would actually approve of this sort of thing."
"You read too much shitty fanfic."
It was always easy to meet the twins – they both worked at the same bar, usually from the middle of the afternoon until just before midnight, which meant there was plenty of time for Jaune to get to see them after finishing up with school for the day.
Jaune passed by the doorman with a nod, who simply grunted in response. Early on, he'd had to slip the guards a bit of lien in order to get in, but the twins had put a stop to that very quickly after learning about it. They had even convinced Junior to set him up with free drinks for the trouble… not that Jaune ever partook – the last time that had happened it had ended with two sexy twins hanging off his arms, and he didn't want a repeat of that while he was still, you know, dating said twins.
Or possibly ever, given that they had caused him enough trouble that he was going to go break up with them.
At that thought, Jaune swallowed nervously. Come on, Jaune. All you have to do is say that you're ending it with them. You saw Saph break a million hearts while you were growing up, so you should already know how it goes.
Saphron had developed a whole script for ending a relationship, one that he had been careful to memorize in case he ever needed it – call your girl over, specify that you were ending things, that it was you instead of her (even if that wasn't true), and then ask to stay friends if you wanted to. Saph made it look easy.
Of course, he was Jaune Arc, which meant the universe was probably going to piss in his face when he tried to actually put his plan into action. That was what had happened when he had revealed his transcripts to Pyrrha and also when he tried to jerk off one night only to have one of his younger sisters walk in on him.
Yeah, that had been an awkward conversation to have with his mom and dad, and not because they weren't understanding of it.
"We know that teenage boys have needs, but you really need to put a sock on your door or something to let everyone know what you're doing. Also, if you're going to watch porn, the least you could do is not have poor taste. Seriously, light bondage? Anal? Condoms? What are you, thirteen? Nah, let Mom show you the good stuff."
He was pretty sure that there was some insane reverse psychology stuff going on there, because he hadn't jerked off for months after that – whenever he tried to, he thought back to his mom recommending creampie compilations, as well as the resulting realization that the reason she had eight kids was purely because she had a fetish for being cummed inside.
Well, at least he wasn't an accident, like he initially feared.
"Jaune!"
The blonde boy immediately froze at the voice, then sighed. Right, here we go.
A white blur collided with him, pulling him into a hug. "What are you doing here? We're still on the clock, we can't go out just yet."
"Hey, Melanie," Jaune said. "Yeah, I know this is sudden, but we kinda have to talk. Is your sister around?"
Melanie huffed. "Why do you want to talk to her? I'm more than enough woman for you."
Oh, she was, but more in the pain-in-the-ass way than the sexy way. "I want to talk to both of you," Jaune specified. "You know me – I don't play favorites."
It sounded nice, but that was unfortunately the problem. Luckily, Melanie seemed to accept it.
"She's working security – wrangling a couple of drunks after they got a bit too rowdy and tried to get up on stage."
"Ah. They tried to get too close to the girls?"
"No, they tried to replace the girls. Like, they started stripping and trying to pole dance." The corners of her mouth twisted upwards. "We thought it was funny, but Junior said they had to go, so she was tasked with getting rid of them." She waved towards the bar. "Have a seat, I'll be back in a bit."
Jaune nodded, then the two of them split. He moved over to the bar, taking a seat at one of the unoccupied bar stools.
He winced when Junior came around to see him.
"Hey there, what can I-" He paused. Behind his glasses, his eyes narrowed. "Arc."
"Junior."
"The usual, then?"
"It's a bit early to be drinking, don't you think?"
"You'd be surprised." He finished polishing the glass in his hands and set it down on the bar. "So, here to distract my top enforcers? Maybe steal them away for a little fun in the back? Oh, wait – you'd wait until I actually needed them for something before you did that, so never mind."
Again, Jaune winced. That one time had been their idea, not his. How were they supposed to know that some drunk Huntsman would have a bit too much tequila and just start wrecking things with a big-ass scythe, saying he was 'trying to live up to the example set by his niece', whatever that meant? Melanie and Miltia had been forced to run out mid-coitus and dressed only in lingerie to help get rid of him before he tore the whole club apart. Their assistance had ultimately proven unnecessary as the mere sight of two hot barely-legal twins in lingerie had given the man a major nosebleed, instantly making him pass out from blood loss, ending his rampage before he could break any more tables in half, steal any more of Junior's top-shelf bourbon, and hit on any more ice machines while calling them Winter Schnee.
Junior had then proceeded to tear all three of them a new asshole for either slacking off while working (the twins) or distracting them when they were supposed to be working (Jaune). It wasn't all bad, though – the Malachites' shift had ended soon after, so they were able to go and finish up what they had started. Oh, and the drunk man was forced to pay for all the damages, stolen alcohol, and violated ice machines that had resulted from his bender.
Back in the present, Jaune shook his head. "Actually, no. I'm..." He hesitated. Did he really want to do this? They were both so sweet to him when they weren't fighting each other – it would suck to end the relationship if there was a chance it would get better.
And then he thought back to last Saturday night.
"Melanie, move."
"Miltia, if you get that butt plug any closer to him-"
"He said he wanted to try new things!"
"Not that new, you hussie!"
"Amateur porn actress!"
"Pollywood actress!"
Alright, fuck that, this thing was ending tonight. "Actually, I'm here to break up with them," Jaune declared.
Junior raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Hold on a sec."
Junior reached under the bar, pulling out a bottle of rum and a soda. He poured both into a shaker along with some ice, then mixed it up before pouring it all in a large glass. Being sure to add a little umbrella, he passed it over to Jaune.
"White rum and Schnee Cola, with an extra shot of rum," he declared. "On the rocks, and on the house. You're gonna need it."
Jaune eyed the drink in front of him. He appreciated the gesture, especially since Junior hated doing anything for free, but this was really something he ought to do sober.
"He's just over there, Miltia."
Placing the now-empty glass back down on the bar top, Jaune wiped the excess liquid from his lips before standing up to face his girlfriends.
A smile crossed Miltia's face. "Jaune!"
She pulled him into a hug, one which Jaune was hesitant to reciprocate given what was about to happen. They broke apart after a few seconds, leaving him awkwardly standing there.
"So, Melanie said you had something you wanted to talk to us about?" Miltia asked.
Jaune gulped nervously. Naturally, neither one had any idea about what was about to happen. Was this really the right thing to do? He already felt like a scumbag and he hadn't even said anything to them yet.
Then he thought back to the time he had gotten the two of them had accidentally gotten him the same birthday present (themselves, dressed in sexy underwear) and started arguing over who wore it better, and his decision was made.
"Yeah, uh..." He cleared his throat, then began rubbing the back of his head. "...Well, this isn't the easiest thing to do…"
The girls exchanged a glance. "Something wrong, Jaune?" Melanie asked, concerned.
"No. I mean, yes? Maybe? With you, not me – I mean, with me, not you! You aren't the problem, I am!" Jaune groaned. "Gods, why is this so hard…?"
"Are you feeling okay?" Miltia asked. "Do you need to lie down?"
"Do you need Doctor Melanie and Nurse Miltia to help you?" Melanie questioned.
Gods, no – Miltia had tried to take his temperature the last time, and not with an oral thermometer.
"Hang on, why am I the nurse?" Miltia asked accusingly.
"Because you were the nurse last time!"
"Well, what if I want to be the doctor this time?"
Behind the bar, Junior facepalmed, then turned to Jaune. "Would you just fucking do it before the two of them burn the club down? We're still rebuilding from when that one Beacon professor tried to order a coffee and found out we only have booze, and I'd rather not tack on extra repairs on top of those."
Junior was right. There was no easy way to do this, so he might as well get it over with. It was time to be a man.
Jaune took a deep breath, stood up straight, puffed out his chest, and belted out the five magic words.
"I'm breaking up with you!"
Everything in the club froze. All the patrons and dancers turned to stare. The flashing lights suddenly stopped flashing. The pole dancers slid off their poles, then froze, looking at him with wide eyes. The music ended with a record scratch. Professor Goodwitch paused, her bottle of whiskey halfway to her mouth. Most importantly, the twins stood in front of him in wide-eyed shock, their jaws on the floor.
Junior suddenly waved his hand. "Move it along, people! Nothing to see here but teenage angst! If you wanna watch a trainwreck, go watch the pole dancers – it's Thursday, so that means you'll see track marks and a bullet hole or five!"
With that, the whole club resumed what they had been doing. The patrons and dancers returned to patronizing and dancing, the flashing lights resumed, the pole dancers shot Junior a dirty look before going back to whoring it up, the music came back on, and Professor Goodwitch chugged her whiskey before throwing some lien on the table and getting up and leaving, declaring that she saw enough teenage angst while working at Beacon and she didn't need to see anymore while off the clock.
The twins, meanwhile, exchanged a glance before looking back at Jaune. "You're… breaking it off?" Miltia asked.
Jaune nodded. "Yes."
Next to her, Melanie grinned, then pumped her fist. "Ha! Sorry, Sis, but looks like I won!"
"No, you didn't," Jaune said, shaking his head. "I'm breaking up with both of you."
Melanie's overjoyed expression quickly gave way to despair. "...W-what? B-but..."
"I'm sorry," Jaune said. He really wasn't, but it felt like the right thing to say. "I just can't do this anymore. I'm not cut out for polyamory, even if it's with two hot twins. Truthfully, I don't think either of you are cut out for it, either – you spend more time fighting than anything."
Again, the two of them exchanged a glance. Jaune's eyes widened. "I-I mean, it's not you, it's me!" he hastily added. "Yeah. All me. I'm a huge dick, you know? All my fault."
Miltia waved him off with a sigh. "No, we get it. We… haven't been good girlfriends, have we?"
Melanie sniffled. "Mil..."
"Hey," Miltia said gently, pulling her sister into a hug. "It's alright." She shot Jaune a dirty look. "You didn't have to be such a dick about it, you know."
"Sorry."
"We really did like you, you know? We tried."
"I know."
"Yeah." Miltia paused. "Of course, you realize what this means?"
"We're done?"
"Well, yes, but now we're going to have to kick your ass."
The two suddenly broke apart, readying their weapons. Jaune felt the blood drain from his face.
"Uh, should I ask why?"
"Girls don't like to have their hearts broken, Jaune," Melanie explained. "The two of us may fight a lot, but that's one thing we can both agree on."
"You made my sister cry," Miltia added. "And as much as she gets on my nerves, blood is thicker than water."
"I see." He paused. "...I'm gonna start running, now."
"Probably a good idea," Junior added. "Might I recommend the front door? If your teenage drama damages my club, I'm kicking your ass after the twins are done with it."
"Sounds like a plan," Jaune said. He reached for his empty glass, pulled out an ice cube, and placed it in his mouth before nodding towards his now-ex girlfriends. "Ladies."
And then he was running, faster than he had ever run before. He weaved through crowds of people, juked around Junior's thugs, even shoved the DJ into the twins' path, all to keep the girls off of him.
However, it all proved unnecessary, because the twins were once again fighting over something stupid.
"I'm telling you, once we catch him, I'm using the thermometer!" Miltia declared.
"That's nasty, Mil! Just beat him up like a normal girl going through a bad breakup!"
"But he doesn't like butt stuff! It's the perfect revenge!"
"Why are you like this?!"
Jaune blinked, then breathed a sigh of relief. Straightening out his clothes, he nodded apologetically towards the DJ, then leisurely strolled through the front door and out into the Valean afternoon. He took a deep breath, retching when the scent of bad neighborhood, car fuel, and crackhead filled his nostrils. Stopping to smell the nearby flowers, Jaune breathed a sigh of relief, then continued on his way back to Beacon.
All things considered, that had gone pretty well. He had broken up with his girlfriends, hadn't gotten killed, hadn't ruined Junior's club, and his anal virginity was still intact. That was a win in his book.
Still, for as crazy as the Malachites had been, there were some good times. There was that time they had sex in the back room of Junior's club, that time they had rented a motel over the weekend so they could have non-stop sex, that time he had taken the twins to Beacon so they could have sex in his dorm room… huh, now that he thought about it, there weren't many good times that didn't involve sex, and even then a good amount of the sex had ended in an argument anyway. Maybe his relationship hadn't been as good as he had thought it had been.
Shrugging, Jaune continued on his way. If nothing else, he was no longer a virgin, and he now knew he would be capable of holding down a relationship in the future, assuming the girl was somewhat normal.
While he doubted it was even possible, he just hoped his next girlfriend wouldn't be as bad as the Malachites had been.
This chapter was brought to you by the front page of r/Polyamory, which has done more to turn me against the concept of harems and polyamory than any other argument ever could have, because good Christ, that subreddit is like a constant, ongoing train wreck of bad decisions and relationship problems. There are just some things that should really be relegated purely to fiction, because trying to implement them in real life is a fucking disaster.
I don't even like Reddit (I actually think it is hands-down one of the worst sites on the internet today), but r/Polyamory is good to browse if you're ever feeling like a huge fuckup, because at least you're not as much of a fuckup as the people who post on there. It's like the online version of schadenfreude. I've taken to referring to it as the ResetEra Effect.
Anyway, that aside, I had fun with this one. Melanie and Miltia were kind of difficult to work with given that they have barely any screen time and we hardly know anything about them, so it was entertaining trying to work with what little info I had to go on.
Besides that, I don't have much else. See you all in two weeks, with a chapter that's shaping up to be one of my favorites so far.
Next update: Saturday, March 21st.