Hey hey people, Minaris here. Just writing this to tell you that I am abandoning this fic, as it is a trashfire in progress. There's no plot, the characters are all out-of-character, it's not funny, and it's not fun to write anymore.

Instead, I am moving on to greener pastures. I have decided that I am unhappy with the amount of reviews I am getting, and to that end, have determined that the best way to become a super-popular writer that everyone loves is to absolutely sell the fuck out.

Anyway, here is a snippet of my new fic that is replacing this one. Please let me know what you think.

It was just another day in the multiversal archive. The Great Library – that is, the thing responsible for keeping the various universes organized and in line – was the same as it always was.

That is to say, it was fucking boring.

Up on his throne, a cloaked figure sighed. He crossed one leg over the other, then rested his chin in one hand as he stared at the electronic tablet in front of him.

"Me-damn, this sucks," he mused. "I'm writing all this shit, yet I'm still just your average ordinary jack-off that nobody cares about. What's a guy got to do to get some recognition around here?"

The words had scarcely left his mouth before he realized exactly what needed to happen. His eyes immediately widened in shock, their blood-red irises seeming to almost glow with excitement.

"That's it!" he said.

Standing up, he brushed the dust off his black cloak and snapped his fingers, cutting off the music that was playing in the background ('Crawling' by Linkin Park). He then snapped his fingers once more, sending a book flying off one of the nearby shelves and into his hands. Opening it, he couldn't help but smirk.

"Yes, this will do nicely."

Clearing his throat, he read the sacred phrase, one that had been uttered throughout the ages and was guaranteed to do what he wanted it to.

"Klaatu Verata Necto."

And just as planned, they worked. There was a flash of light, and suddenly, there was a huge pile of people on the floor in front of him.

"Oh, my aching everything…" One of them, a busty blonde, said as she picked herself up off the ground.

What was that? It's weird to point out that she's busty when she's only seventeen? Well shut up, it's my self-insert and I'll do what I want. Act like that and I won't do your request, bud.

Anyway, it only took her a minute before she realized something was very wrong, namely that there was a cool-looking guy standing directly across from her.

The auth- I mean, the man raised a hand in greeting. "Greetings," he greeted.

The girl stared at him, her violet eyes widening in confusion. Yang (you totally know it's her, I just fucking described her, and I'm lazy so I'm just gonna call her Yang now, kthx) looked the man up and down, licking her lips.

"Damn, you're hot."

Oh, whoops – looks like I just got a bit of my self-indulgent smutfic in there. Fuck it, I'll just 'accidentally' forget to delete it, that way people will know I'm hot, because if I'm making a fictional character say it then it must be true. Do you feel inferior yet? You should. My dick is huge. Do you even lift? I can deadlift two of me, pal. Not even exaggerating, I'm just that good.

[Note to self: delete that last bit in post, or you'll look like a douche.]

"Oh shit, who the fuck are you?!" she shouted.

Yeah, I just had her swear, even though they don't in the show. Fuck you, it's my fic and I'll do what I want. I only write mature fanfiction for mature people like myself. Go back to playing your Sonic The Hedgehog if a little cussing bothers you, pussy.

Everyone immediately jumped to their feet, and for the first time they noticed that there were some weird people there.

"Dad?" Yang asked.

"Mother?" Weiss asked.

"MOM?!" Ruby asked.

"Rosebud!" the resurrected Summer Rose shouted, rushing forward and pulling her daughter into a hug.

See that? I just brought Summer back from the dead. I can do that because I'm God in this fic – yeah, with the capital G. I'm the literal Christian God, that's how good I am. Do you feel inferior yet?

Did I mention my dick is huge? Because it is.

Also, wow, look at that totally original thing I just did. I just brought Summer back from the dead, can you name a single other react fic that did that? Nah, you can't. I'm fucking good, kiddo.

Anyway, the introductions were still going.

"James?" Glynda asked.

"Ozpin?" Ironwood asked.

"Salem?" Ozpin asked.

"Nora!" Nora shouted.

Did you like that totally original reference to the show I just did there? Nobody's ever done that before.

I clapped my hands, silencing everybody. They all turned to look at me, the men instantly recoiling from just how Chad I am. I gave them a moment to recover before clearing my throat.

"Well, now that we're all here together, I think it's important that I lay out some ground rules," I said. "Now, first thing's first, you'll all notice that your aura and semblance doesn't work."

"Hey, what gives?!" Weiss shouted. "Why'd you do that?"

"Well, I can't have anyone stealing my thunder. Also, I don't want you fighting here."

"Then why bring us here?" Ironwood asked.

"Well, it's simple," I said, throwing out my arms theatrically. Get it? Because we're in a theater? Drop a review for that totally original gag. "You'll notice that one of you is missing."

They all looked around, and it only took a minute for one of them to notice who it was.

"Jaune!" Pyrrha shouted.

See how it was Pyrrha who noticed? That's because Arkos is totally canon. It's important that I bring up Pyrrha's crush on Jaune at every opportunity, because she is not allowed to have a character outside of liking Jaune.

Oh, who am I kidding? You all know this is going to end with literally every woman wanting to ride Jaune's nuts, the married ones included. I have to make this a big harem or it won't get a lot of reviews, so that's what I'm going to do. That means that everybody's character is going to gradually dissolve until it revolves completely around being one of Jaune's many cock concubines. If enough of you request it then I might even make the men into R63 versions of themselves just to make this a truly complete harem – nobody's done that before.

Like literally, nobody's done that before. Probably because it's a bad idea, but since my review count is directly tied to my self-esteem, I'll do it if you're all interested in it. Let me know (in the review section, of course).

"What'd you do with Jaune, you incredibly attractive monster?!" Glynda-chan asked.

Cinder-chan swooned. "Oh my, something's hot in here, and it's not just me with my Maiden powers."

"You don't have your Maiden powers anymore, Cinder-chan," Emerald pointed out.

"Oh, I'm such a baka!"

Alright, that's annoying. No more of that… unless you all like it. You know what to do if that's the case.

Seriously, please review. Seeing that number go up is the only thing that gets me hard anymore. It's either this or mainlining enough Viagra to give my granddad a heart attack, and he's been dead for like a decade.

Anyway, this whole thing has dragged on long enough, so I'll cut to the chase.

"You're all here to watch different universes of Jaune Arc," I announced, my voice sounding eerily like Morgan Freeman's even though I'm white.

"Who cares about that guy?" Mercury asked.

"I do, because he's my self-insert character. Say one more bad word about Jaune and I will banish you to the puppet dimension."

Mercury swallowed nervously. Clearly, the puppet dimension was something to be feared.

"Anyway, let me explain the rules," I explained. "First: don't talk about the multiverse theatre. Second: DON'T talk about the multiverse theatre. Third: Only I get to reference Fight Club."

"What's Fight Club?" Yang asked.

"I'd tell you, but the first rule of Fight Club is not to talk about Fight Club. Unless someone requests it."

"Um, okay?"

"Now you're getting it. Anyway, besides that, strap yourselves on and let's enjoy."

Blake raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean 'strap yourselves in'?"

"Not with what we'll be watching. We're going to be experiencing some of my favorite smutfics. Also, don't act like you're not a degenerate pervert."

"What are you talking about? I like romance novels, so I'm a degenerate pervert?"

"Obviously, because why else would the FNDM refuse to stop making that joke?"

"What's the FNDM?"

[Insert explanation about how they're a webshow here.]

"Anyway," I said, now that my awesome explanation was done, "we can move on. Who's ready to watch Jaune?"

Pyrrha instantly took a seat. "I am!"

Man, she's easy to write. Thank Me that Arkos is canon, otherwise this writing thing would actually be hard.

Why the fuck did I not just write one of these multiverse react fics from the start? I bet I'll be drowning in reviews now. All my other fics can choke on my fat chode. At least now when when I write trash, it'll be trash that actually gets a fucking following.

–

Anyway, that's it for the first introductory chapter. Be sure to leave a review saying which universe you want me to have them watch first. Of course, I'm just going to pick and choose whichever review appeals to me the most emotionally so it's probably going to just end up being a Jaune harem gamer fic. Or a fic where Jaune takes the place of a character from another series, like John Wick, or Halo, or Red Vs Blue, or something. And if you ask really nicely in about twenty different reviews, I might do RWBY Chibi.

Seriously, please review. I've got a fever and the only cure is more reviews (DAE love Saturday Night Live? That skit is definitely one of their more underappreciated gems. It's like the Skyrim of SNL skits).

Also, I think I'm going to publish another new fic next week. Keep an eye out for it - it's a Jaune-centric harem fic where his semblance has been replaced with the Gamer ability. Yes, I know a lot of people are doing it. No, I haven't read the source material, but I've read a lot of other gamer fics so I'm sure it'll be fine.

Catch all you fine folks on the flip side, and remember - the reviewers are always right, except when they're telling me I suck, because then they're blocked.

I'd put an author's note here but you all know what it's going to say, because I was about as subtle with it as a brick to the head.

Speaking of bricks to the head, I'm gonna go bash myself in the head with a brick now.

Anyway, expect the real chapter this Saturday.

Besides that, I've got nothing else.