Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 11: Penny, or: Give It Up For Robo-Bitch
Jaune wasn't sure what he had expected to happen to him upon arriving at Beacon. Obviously, dying a horrible death in initiation wasn't on the list, as if he had considered that a possibility for even a moment, he probably wouldn't have bothered to go. No, if he had to pick, it would consist of things like studying in a classroom, learning to fight, maybe even getting to kill a few Grimm here and there. Getting a girlfriend had certainly never been on the list; sure, he was a hot-blooded teenage boy with hormones that were constantly going crazy all the time, but come on, Huntresses all looked like supermodels, and he… well, he didn't. He was just average.
Needless to say, he had been very surprised when, midway through the first semester, he had bumped into an adorable-looking orange-haired girl. Anyway, after apologizing to Nora for accidentally running into her, he had quickly moved on, and then immediately had the same thing happen to him. Luckily, this girl was just as quick to forgive as Nora had been, though she was also… well, she was weird. Apparently, she conflated bumping into people with becoming friends with them. He wasn't about to complain, of course; she was weird, sure, but she was also a lot of fun to be around, what with how she constantly misinterpreted basic human interactions and was all-around incredibly awkward.
Okay, so maybe part of the reason why he continued to hang out with her was because her social awkwardness made him feel less self-conscious about his own. Sure, not exactly completely virtuous of him, but they were still friends, so it was fine.
At least, it was fine until he had started to develop feelings for her.
It was inevitable, really – he was a teenage boy hanging out with a very cute teenage girl, and they both got along great; obviously, something would develop there. To his surprise, Penny had ended up reciprocating his feelings when he bared them to her, and the two quickly became boyfriend and girlfriend.
"Boyfriend-Jaune, is this the point where we proceed to procreation?"
Unfortunately.
Everyone else around the table looked at them in surprise. Jaune simply sighed, bringing one hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose.
"No, Penny," he replied patiently.
"But we have been dating for two weeks," she pointed out. "According to my research, the average length of time before couples begin the act of copulating is about two weeks."
More like two hours, if the rise of online hookup sites was any indication. Still, she didn't need to hear that-
"More like two hours, if the rise of online hookup sites is any indication," Yang interjected.
Jaune groaned, burying his face in his hands. Gods dammit, Yang…
Penny's jaw dropped. "Boyfriend-Jaune, we must hurry! We cannot allow our relationship to be compromised by missing such an important milestone!"
"Penny, for the hundredth time, it's okay," Jaune reassured. "I would rather take our relationship slow right now."
That, and Ciel had cornered him in the hallway and threatened to basically cut his balls off if he did anything indecent towards Penny before the time was right. He had no idea when the time would be right, but something told him that it was not within two weeks.
"But Boyfriend-Jaune, our relationship must abide by the standards set by other relationships if we are to be normal."
Oh, so now she wanted to be normal? Good Gods, this girl was going to be the death of him,
Across the table, Weiss affixed him with a harsh glare. "What on Remnant are you teaching her? You're such a pig."
Jaune sputtered, exasperated. "Uh, excuse me, she's the one bringing this up! What makes you think this is my fault?!"
"Forgive me if I find it hard to believe that you're not at least partially at fault here."
"Well, it's the truth!" Desperately, he looked around the table. "Guys, back me up! Tell her I'm not a creep!"
To his dismay, everyone else merely looked away, mumbling under their breath.
"Wha- guys!" Jaune protested.
"...I mean, can you blame us?" Blake asked. "Penny is… well, she's easily fooled. It's not hard to believe you're giving her ideas about this."
Wow, how kind of her to say that when Penny was, you know, right there. Truly the worst girl on Team RWBY. Frantically, Jaune shook his head.
"Do you have any idea what her teammate will do to me if I make any moves towards her? You're acting like I have a death wish."
Penny tapped him on the shoulder. "Boyfriend-Jaune, what was that about Friend-Ciel?"
All the color drained from Jaune's face. "Uh, nothing, Penny!" he quickly replied. "Just… um… remembering how much I like to spend time around her! Heh, yeah, Ciel's a great friend."
Everyone else at the table winced, except for Penny, who suddenly smiled.
"Oh, how sensational!" she stated. "My boyfriend and my friend are getting along great!" She beamed at him. "Say, do you think Ciel would be open to participating in a three-way?"
Jaune choked, both because of what she had said and because of how everybody else at the table glowered at him. "Penny, no! Why even say that?"
The redhead cocked her head, a confused look on her face. "I was under the impression that having a three-way was a common fantasy for many young men."
Frantically, Jaune shook his head. "No! No, no, no! Penny, you're the only one for me!"
"Great! Then let us retire to my room together!"
Jaune bashed his head against the table, trying his best to wake himself from the nightmare he had somehow wandered into. Unfortunately, he was already awake. Out of options, he looked to Ruby.
"You're her best friend! Talk some sense into her!"
Ruby blinked, surprised, but ultimately sighed before turning to Penny. "Penny, whatever perverted thoughts Jaune's filled your head with-"
"Hey!"
"-That's no excuse to act on them so suddenly. It's okay to take things slow for now."
Penny blinked, but ultimately nodded. "Okay, Friend-Ruby. I will adjust my dating parameters to reflect that we are now taking things slow."
Jaune sighed, relieved. Part of him had to question why Penny was willing to listen to Ruby over him, but it honestly didn't matter so long as she was now done saying perverted things to him.
"Say, Boyfriend-Jaune," Penny said, "now that we are taking things slow, why have you made no attempts to kiss me yet?"
Jaune merely sighed. Apparently, the two of them had different definitions of 'slow'. Still, he supposed it was acceptable; if nothing else, it was better than the alternative.
"That's actually a good point," Yang interrupted. "Jaune, have you really been trying to get your girlfriend into bed before you've even kissed her?"
"I haven't been trying to get her into bed at all!" Jaune protested.
Everyone gave him a doubtful look, causing him to sigh tiredly. Silently cursing, Jaune turned towards Penny.
"You know what? Come here, Penny. I'm going to kiss you, since it seems like that's what you want."
"Sen-sational!" Penny cheered, moving closer. "Oh, my first kiss! Ciel would be so proud of me if she knew!"
Jaune somehow doubted that. Silently reminding himself to ask Penny not to tell her father about this, Jaune puckered his lips and leaned forwards, intending to give her a brief peck.
He didn't expect her to roughly grab him and slam their lips together, then start poking at his mouth with her tongue.
His eyes shot open as he started to struggle in her grasp, but Penny was relentless, instead holding him in place as she ravished the inside of his mouth. She kept him rooted to the spot as she went to work, running her tongue over each individual tooth; silently, Jaune looked over to his friends, begging for help, but they did nothing. Those who weren't enthused at his misfortune were deeply disturbed by the display in front of them.
After a solid minute, Penny broke the kiss, though not before biting on his lower lip a bit before she pulled away, then allowing it to fall back to its original position. Jaune gasped for breath, wiping the trail of saliva that connected them away before looking over at his girlfriend. Their gazes met, and he instantly regretted looking at her.
Penny was staring at him with the eyes of a predator. She was like a tiger who had just been offered a juicy steak. Slowly, she licked her lips.
"Since we are taking it slow, I look forward to sleeping with you in two weeks, Boyfriend-Jaune."
Jaune was tempted to run, but he wasn't willing to give the entire cafeteria a face full of his massive erection. Instead, he nodded fearfully, while Penny turned and began to converse with everyone else as if nothing had happened.
At this point, Jaune wasn't sure what to think, or how to feel. Part of him felt violated… but as uncomfortable as it had made him, he couldn't deny that it was also hot as hell. Like damn, that was steamy. He was pretty sure he saw Blake take a picture out of the corner of his eye.
Besides that, there were a few thoughts going through his head. The first was a curse on online dating and hookup culture for making it to where having incredibly kinky sex after just a few weeks of knowing each other was now considered taking it slow. The second was a bit different, but no less important.
Why did her lips taste like motor oil?
The recent days had brought about a great many revelations with regards to Penny. In addition to the knowledge that she was more than ready to choke on his schlong and the only thing holding him back from letting her do it was the fear of what Ciel would do to him, there was also the fact that Penny was even weirder than Jaune had initially thought.
Which was saying something, given that she smiled all the time. If he didn't know just how harmless she was, he'd be convinced that she was something straight out of a slasher movie.
Anyway, the point was, Penny was weird. As for how weird…
"Jaune, what is that girl doing?"
...Well, the limits of that had yet to be seen. Just when he thought she had reached the pinnacle of weirdness, she surprised him with something new, like what was happening now.
Sighing softy, Jaune looked off into the distance, squinting. It only took him a moment to realize what he was looking at – Reese, one of the visiting students from Haven, riding her hoverboard.
"She's hoverboarding, Penny."
"Hoverboarding?" Penny echoed. "What's that?"
Jaune furrowed his brow. How was he supposed to answer that without sounding patronizing? "It's… um… when you ride a hoverboard, I guess."
"Ooooh," Penny said, somehow sounding like that was the most amazing fact in the world. "...Why would she do that?"
"...Because it's fun?" Jaune replied, not really sure why he was going along with this line of questioning.
"Fun..." Penny replied. "You mean to tell me that balancing oneself atop a floating two-by-four stimulates the dopamine receptors in the brain?"
Jaune blinked. Now she was speaking in tongues, apparently. Great. "...What?"
"You know, dopamine."
"Gesundheit."
The ginger girl shook her head. "No, silly! Dopamine – the pleasure chemical."
You know what? Just go along with it, Jaune. Not like questioning it is going to make things any easier. "Of course I know it, Penny."
"Great! Then maybe you can explain why riding a hoverboard is fun?"
Well, so much for that. "...Well, I've never ridden one, so I wouldn't know."
"But why?"
"Huh?"
"If it's so fun, why haven't you ridden one?"
Because his mom hated the thought of him having fun, apparently. Not like he had spent every birthday from the age of nine to the age of thirteen asking for one, only to be shot down every time. Hell, now that he thought about it, that was all the more reason to blame his parents for him not being a badass – maybe if they had let him ride a hoverboard, he would have found some way to weaponize it like Reese had, and then he wouldn't have had to cheat his way into Beacon.
...Of course, knowing him it probably would have ended with him falling off the damn board and cracking his head open like an egg, but that was beside the point. Also, who the fuck weaponized a hoverboard? That was just asinine, and Reese's win/loss record in Combat Class proved it.
Hell, maybe I should have asked her out before going for Penny. She's the only person who's about as pathetic as I am; we'd probably be great together. Less awkward, too.
Filing that thought away for a rainy day, Jaune shook his head, then turned back to Penny.
"Well, my parents thought it was dangerous, so they didn't want me riding one."
"...They thought riding a hoverboard was dangerous, but going to Beacon was safe?"
Uh oh. Part of him regretted not letting Penny in on the secret about his transcripts, but that part of him was quickly silenced by the memory of Penny somehow stumbling upon his scroll a few days ago and blabbing about its contents to the world.
"Jaune, why have you downloaded a game called 'Faunus Panty Quest Seventeen: Hurt Feelings Edition'? Is this a normal part of preparing for imminent copulation in a few weeks?"
Yeah, that had been a great conversation to have at the dinner table. So much for his friendships with Blake and Velvet.
And he really wished she would stop making reference to 'imminent copulation' - he had enough performance anxiety as it was, he didn't need her making it worse by reminding him how many days remained until she really tried to take his virginity by force.
Great, now he was reminded just how pathetic this whole situation was. He had a ridiculously cute girlfriend who really wanted to jump his bones, and he refused to act upon it for fear of what her friend would do. Curse his status as the weakest first-year in Beacon.
Anyway, where was he? Oh, right – somehow talking his way out of the mess he had found himself in.
Think fast, Jaune.
"...Uh, yeah," he said awkwardly. "Yeah, my parents… aren't really consistent in their beliefs, you know?"
Penny tilted her head, confused. "Why?"
"Well, parents are just like that, I suppose."
"Why?"
"I don't know, really. I guess it's just part of being a parent."
"Why?"
Jaune frowned. Were they really doing this? It was always hard to tell if she was being serious or not, and the confused toddler routine she was currently putting on, while definitely new, still screamed that it was equal parts her being weird and her just trolling him.
"Well, parents are supposed to protect you however they think is appropriate. Sometimes that means they contradict themselves."
Thankfully, Penny didn't question that answer. Instead, she merely went cross-eyed, slumping over with a bit of drool dripping out the edge of her mouth.
Jaune frowned. "Uh, Penny?"
No response – she simply stayed there, slack-jawed. Jaune raised one hand to try and shake her shoulder, though moments before he was about to make contact, Penny shook herself awake.
"I apologize," Penny said, her voice monotone. She glanced over at Jaune, and for a moment, he swore that he saw her eyes flash blue and fill with what looked suspiciously like an error code.
"Um, what was that?" Jaune asked.
Penny waved her hand. "Oh, I simply got caught up in a question-and-answer loop and had to reboot. It's not a big deal, though it is a bit concerning; I thought my father fixed that glitch when he changed my operating system over to Linux."
"...What?"
Penny's eyes widened. "Um, I mean, I don't know! I spaced out! I'm not a robot!" She suddenly hiccuped.
Great, now she was quoting Captcha at him. Could this conversation get any more confusing?
Once again, she hiccuped. "I-I'll see you later, Boyfriend-Jaune!"
And then she was off, running away from him for some reason while incessantly hiccuping to herself. Jaune watched her go, perplexed. Finally, he sighed to himself.
"Yup, definitely something weird about that girl."
The days continued to pass, and Penny continued to get weirder and weirder. At first, Jaune had been willing to chalk it up to her being excited to claim his virginity, but that became a lot harder to accept with both the nature and the frequency of the weird stuff she was doing.
It had started with him catching her licking a D-cell battery. Odd, but then again maybe she was just a glutton for punishment or something. Plus, he had encountered weirder (the gray-haired guy from Haven talking to a sock puppet of his team leader came to mind).
Naturally, that hadn't been the end of it, though. Later that same day, he had seen Penny pull a wire from under her skirt and plug it into a wall socket. At first he was convinced that she was into some really kinky shit, but if that was the case, she probably would have shown some reaction to it. Instead, she merely placed her back to the wall to cover the socket, then closed her eyes and went to sleep… or rather, it turned out that she had gone to sleep; apparently, her chest didn't rise and fall like, you know, everyone else's did when they breathed.
That, naturally, led to only one conclusion: his girlfriend wasn't human. It was unrealistic, sure, but the evidence was all there – she was strange, unaccustomed to human norms, enjoyed licking batteries, had to charge herself in a way that looked suspiciously like she was masturbating, and didn't breathe, and that was coupled with her apparently shutting down just a few days ago. In the face of all that, Jaune simply couldn't deny it.
The only question was what to do with it.
Obviously, the first thing that came up was breaking things off with her… but quite frankly, he didn't want to. Aside from her eccentricities and the fact that she didn't seem to understand that jumping his bones meant putting him in mortal peril, Penny was perfectly fine, and he was happy to have her as his girlfriend. So, with that option eliminated, what was he to do? He didn't want to out her as inhuman, but at the same time he didn't want to just bottle this up and act like it wasn't a big deal – it clearly was a big deal, and more importantly, he was an awful secret keeper, and if he didn't tell someone then he was going to end up accidentally blabbing about it to the whole school or something.
So that left him with just one option.
"Thanks for meeting with me, Ruby," Jaune greeted.
Ruby stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. "Sure thing. So, what's this about?"
"It's about Penny."
The redhead cocked an eyebrow. "...Okay, I don't know what she's been telling you, but I'm not interested in being a part of a three-way."
"W-what?" Jaune sputtered.
"Like, you're both good friends, but I just wouldn't be comfortable-"
"You wouldn't be comfortable?! I wouldn't be comfortable! You're, like, fifteen!"
"So?"
"That's weird!"
She shrugged. "Two years isn't that bad, really. Plus, age is just a number."
"And prison is just a room, but that doesn't mean I'm down for it! Did Penny seriously ask you that?!"
"Sure, but I just gently turned her down. Penny's… well, she's odd. It's important to be gentle but firm with her."
That was why the two of them were besties, then. Still, Jaune couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.
"She's odd, you say?"
Ruby nodded. "Well, yeah. I mean, I like Penny a lot, but she's just… you know, not all there."
This was it – his moment to reveal what he knew about his girlfriend, his chance to tell someone her dark secret. Part of him was apprehensive, but if anyone else deserved to know, it was Penny's best friend. Plus, from the sound of things, she had already surmised that Penny wasn't human.
Time to bite the bullet, then.
"It's alright, Ruby," Jaune said. "You don't have to act like you don't know."
Again, Ruby raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about, you weirdo?"
"I know about Penny, Ruby."
The redhead paused. "...You know about Penny?"
"Yes."
"...Like, know, know?"
"Her secret? Yeah."
Ruby bit her lower lip, as if uncertain to continue. "...Then you know that she's-"
"A Frankenstein's monster, yeah."
Immediately, the scythe-wielder paused. "What," she said, her voice flat and unamused.
Jaune nodded. "It's obvious, in retrospect. I mean, think about it – she knows nothing of human social graces, she's freakishly strong, and she really wants to be loved. Plus, I've caught her licking batteries and charging herself using a cord from under her skirt."
Jaune reached out, placing a hand on Ruby's shoulder and giving her a reassuring grin. "You don't have to act like you don't know, Rubes. I get why you're doing it, but since I've already figured it out-"
Ruby shook off his hand, giving him an annoyed look. "No offense, but you haven't figured out anything, Jaune."
"What? But she's clearly-"
"A robot."
This time, it was Jaune's turn to pause. "...A robot?"
"Yeah, a robot. I mean, I thought it was obvious – have none of you noticed the mechanical whirring noise whenever she moves?"
"Uh, no."
"Seriously? Wow, you must all be deaf. Also, a Frankenstein's monster? Really?"
"...In my defense, she fit the bill."
Ruby shook her head. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"
"Well, how do you know?" Jaune asked.
"Easy: she got scuffed up saving me from a speeding truck when we were in downtown Vale. Her artificial skin tore, and I got a glimpse of the mechanical skeleton underneath."
"...Okay, then." Not the answer he had been expecting, but definitely one he couldn't argue with. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Wait, why tell me this? Shouldn't this be a secret?"
Ruby's only response was to shrug. "I mean, you already suspected that she wasn't human. Plus, she has doll joints – you haven't seen them yet, but when you two have sex, you will."
"Ah." Another pause. "...She, um, has the 'parts', then-"
Ruby facepalmed. "Yes, you idiot," she said with a groan. "Did you really think she would offer to sleep with you if she didn't?"
"...Well, I just figured-"
"Jaune, she was designed to mimic a human. If she didn't have the parts, do you really think she'd be capable of doing that?"
"...Why the doll joints, then?"
"That's-" This time, Ruby paused. "...You know, that's actually a good question..."
Jaune simply shook his head. Trying to make sense of all of this was hard enough without pointing out a blatant contradiction such as that, so he was just going to ignore it in favor of simply moving on.
And as long as he was focused on things he was planning to ignore, he might as well add the fact that Atlas was apparently in the business of designing waifubots, both because thinking about that made his brain hurt and because he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Anyway, there were more important things to worry about, so he pushed those thoughts away for the time being.
"So, what now?" he asked.
"What do you mean, what now? Obviously, we can't tell anyone."
"But her team-"
"Is better off not knowing," Ruby warned. "Seriously, we don't know just how classified this is supposed to be. It's highly likely that Atlas wants to keep this under wraps, and that they're willing to do whatever it takes to keep it a secret."
"...Okay, got it," Jaune said, nodding. "So, just act natural, then?"
"Yes, that would be best."
Easy for her to say – he had caught Penny sucking the brake fluid out of Yang's bike a few hours ago. If Atlas was supposed to be keeping her a closely-guarded secret, then they might want to tell her that, because she clearly hadn't gotten the message.
In any case, his path was clear – no matter how odd and robot-like Penny got, he just had to act like nothing was wrong.
And how hard could that be?
"So, I know you're a robot."
Penny blinked, then smiled a wide, fake smile at him. "I-I have no idea what you're talking about, Boyfriend-Jaune!"
She hiccuped, and Jaune sighed.
Yeah, he had agreed to keep it a secret. Yeah, he was technically betraying his friend's trust by not doing so. Yeah, this was going to be an awkward conversation with his girlfriend. But damn it, he just couldn't take it anymore. He was drawing the line at seeing Penny plug the printer into her stomach a few hours ago. Sure, it was a mild thing compared to that time he had caught her adjusting her hand with a socket wrench, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Holding in a secret of this magnitude was killing him; he just couldn't act like nothing was wrong and it didn't bother him any longer. He had to tell someone.
"Look, Penny," Jaune began, "It's no big deal-"
"I-it is a big deal!" Penny cried. "I was supposed to keep it a secret! Father will be so mad..."
"Hey, I'm sure it'll be fine," Jaune said reassuringly. "It's not like you told me on your own. He can't exactly be angry at you if you didn't even tell me in the first place."
Ignoring the fact that she technically just had, and that she hadn't exactly been hiding it all that well in the first place. But that was neither here nor there; the point was that his girlfriend was upset, and it was his job to comfort her.
Penny sniffled. "S-so… you aren't upset?"
Jaune shook his head. "Why would I be? You're still the same adorable Penny I love."
The gynoid stared at him before a wide smile crept across her face. Before Jaune knew what was happening, she had swept him into a bone-crushing hug, then planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Oh, Boyfriend-Jaune, I knew I could trust you!" she said, elated.
Jaune didn't reply, as he was too busy having the air crushed out of his lungs.
"At first I wasn't sure about testing you, but now I can see that I made the right choice!"
Wait, what?
"Tested…?" Jaune managed to grunt.
Penny nodded furiously. "Yes! See, I started worrying about what would happen if you were ever to find out that I'm not human, so I decided to drop a few subtle hints and see if you discovered the truth on your own!"
Apparently, the two of them had different definitions of the word 'subtle'; Jaune's was closer to the dictionary definition, while Penny's was closer to the idea of mowing your lawn with a flamethrower.
"Honestly, at first I was afraid you wouldn't catch on," Penny continued. "I mean, I wasn't exactly being obvious about it."
Girl, I watched you drink brake fluid a few hours ago, Jaune thought to himself.
"Anyway, I'm glad that now you know, and you don't mind! And I didn't even have to tell you myself!"
Again, she gave Jaune a peck on the cheek before letting him go. The blonde greedily sucked in air, wincing whenever his ribs flared up in pain as he did so.
"Anyway, now that you know, I can't wait to share some of my functions with you!" Penny said excitedly.
Jaune raised an eyebrow. "Functions?"
"Yes! I was designed not only with the best in combat software, but also in entertainment and business software as well!" She got right up in his face, causing him to flinch.
"Would you like to use me to play the original Doom? I can run it on my eyeballs! Or maybe you'd prefer it if I started mining cryptocurrency for you? Though I must warn you – that tends to make me overheat, so I may need to strip down a bit!"
"...Um-"
"Or perhaps you'd like me to torrent your favorite music, or watch your favorite movies movies! I am a master at all piracy-related things! Internet service providers hate me!"
That earned another eyebrow raise. "...How much torrenting have you been doing?"
She waved him off. "Oh, just a little. Why do you ask? Are you interested?"
Fuck no – the only time he had torrented something had been a few years back, when he had attempted to download the newest Spruce Willis movie only to end up getting several gigabytes' worth of dolphin porn instead. Yeah, apparently the universe hated him so much that the one time he torrented something, rather than get a virus, he got dolphin porn. Just his fucking luck.
That's a real thing, by the way – people uploading fake torrents that are actually filled with nothing but dolphin porn. If you don't know what dolphin porn is, do yourself a favor and don't look it up. Trust me.
Shaking that thought from his head, Jaune turned back to his girlfriend. Frankly, this day was weird enough already, and he just wanted it to be over before things got really up someone's ass.
"So, what now?"
Penny shrugged. "I don't know. I guess we-"
There was a chime, and curiously enough, it instantly made her freeze, her eyes widening. Jaune raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, Penny? What's that noise mean?"
She didn't respond immediately. Instead, she blinked, then turned towards him, a lecherous grin creeping across her face. Their gazes met, and she slowly licked her lips. Jaune felt his blood run cold.
Then, she spoke.
"It's time."
He didn't even have time to argue before she picked him up in a bridal carry and began to sprint back to her room.
It took them no time at all to get back to Penny's room. Once there, the gynoid was quick to unceremoniously belt Ciel out, to the point where the stoic Atlesian barely had time to shoot Jaune the nastiest death glare imaginable before the door slammed shut on her. And as much as Jaune knew there would be hell to pay for what was about to happen, he just couldn't find it in himself to care once Penny's shirt had come off.
Forgive me Padre, for I have sinned.
There was just no way something like this wasn't a sin, given how good it was. He supposed that was the point, though – why make an artificial girl if you weren't going to make her perfect in every way? Her chest was just the right size, not to mention just the right firmness as well. Artificial they may have been, but come on, whose boobs weren't these days? Like, he was pretty sure Yang had had some work done at some point, because come on, they were almost as big as her head. If that was natural, then so were all the guys in a bodybuilding competition, and he knew for a fact that everybody in those was juicing.
And that was to say nothing about what was going on down below.
Jaune dot exe has suffered a catastrophic error and needs to restart. Would you like to reboot?
No.
[Yes.]
Rebooting… 30%… 50%… 80%… 100%…
Yeah, that was that good shit right there. Perfect, just like the stuff up top.
You know, it was honestly saying a lot about the state of modern women when an artificial one managed to tick all his boxes more than anyone else ever had, but that wasn't important right now. What was important was that she was just… perfect for him.
Of course, that just raised the unfortunate implication that Penny's father had specifically designed her that way, so Jaune was just going to ignore it, because that was all kinds of creepy that he didn't want when he was about to do it all for the nookie (nookie).
(The author sincerely apologizes for that terrible reference and wholeheartedly suggests that anybody now screaming at their computer in a rage go load up some Nocturnus or Sylosis or something similarly heavy as a palate cleanser).
Anyway, terrible metaphors and intentionally vague descriptors aside, it hadn't taken much for Jaune's resistance to fly out the window like Ruby's uncle after a few drinks too many. Before he knew it, they were both down to their birthday suits, lying on Penny's bed and making out.
Eventually, Penny paused their makeout session, pulling away for a brief moment.
"So, Boyfriend-Jaune, what position would you like to try first?" she asked.
"...Position?" he asked.
She nodded vigorously. "In preparation, I made sure to torrent three terabytes' worth of pornographic films, in order to learn all I could to maximize pleasure for both parties."
Okay, first red flag of the evening. "Uh, Penny-"
She thought for a moment before perking up. "Oh! I have an idea."
"I don't think-"
"So, this one starts with your legs behind your head."
"Wait, wha-"
He never got a chance to finish his sentence, as Penny grabbed his legs and pulled. Jaune found himself having to force back a cry of pain, which she thankfully seemed to notice.
"...This seems uncomfortable for you," the gynoid observed.
"You think?" Jaune asked through gritted teeth. Letting his legs return to their original position, he breathed a sigh of relief as he felt his aura start to flow into them, keeping them from screaming in pain. "Now, since this is the first time for both of us, why don't we take it slow?"
Penny nodded tentatively. "Of course." She cast a glance down at his crotch, frowning. "Though, I must ask – why does it seem so… um… underwhelming?"
Jaune was offended for all of two seconds before he realized what she was comparing him to. Slowly, he sighed.
"Please don't compare me to male porn stars, Penny. That'd be like me comparing your breasts to a female porn star's."
Sad thing was that Penny's breasts, artificial as they were, were probably still more real than most of the ones seen in porn.
Again, Penny nodded. "Right. Sorry."
"Don't worry about it, you didn't know. Now, is there anything in particular you want to start with?"
She perked up at that. "Yes! Now, based on my research, I think it best to begin with foreplay!"
Okay, that wasn't too bad. He certainly wouldn't be a master at it, but he was more than willing to indulge her.
"Now, from what I found, foreplay should consist of a few minutes of using your fingers, then your mouth! And I will be sure to moan as loudly as possible and scream expletives the whole time!"
Jaune actually facepalmed. He had heard about people watching too much porn and walking away from it all with unrealistic expectations, but this was ridiculous. Apparently, he was going to have to take matters into his own hands.
"Look, Penny," he began, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but there's no need to worry about everything being perfect."
Penny fidgeted nervously, biting her lip. "...I just want our first time together to go well."
"And it will, but not if you insist on micromanaging everything." Jaune gave her a reassuring grin. "Look, just lie back for now, and I'll get started. We'll take things as they come – no schedules, no worrying about what we 'should' be doing, and most importantly, no crazy positions or expectations from porn. In fact, um… it would probably be best to clear your memory banks of all pornography."
Penny blinked, but nodded. She closed her eyes, then opened them a few seconds later. "...Folder labeled 'Things Normal Meat People Look At That Definitely Are Not Pornography, Do Not Even Think Of Opening This Folder, Father' has been deleted permanently."
Jaune couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief at that. Right, now they could finally get to the fun stuff.
"Just relax, Penny. I'll take the lead for now."
She did, and he did. And it was good. So good, in fact, that he temporarily forgot about how bad Ciel was going to murderize him.
But all good things must come to an end, as the morning after would no doubt prove.
The night came and went, eventually giving way to morning. Jaune was quick to leave Penny's room in order to get to his first class of the day, happily humming to himself the whole time, a huge grin on his face.
Aside from the first few minutes, the night had been perfect. He and Penny had both had a great time, which was reassuring because he wasn't sure she would even be able to feel anything even if she had the proper parts for it, but thankfully her father had built her with that in mind.
...That was immensely creepy to think about, so he was just gonna move on.
Anyway, probably the best part of the night had been Penny being physically incapable of getting pregnant, being a robot and all. That was basically just a fancy way of saying that he had been free to raw dog it with no consequences, and he had. Gods almighty, he had. Shit was so cash.
Should probably get her some flowers or something, Jaune mused. Do something nice for her to show how much I love her after last night.
Yes, for all her faults, Jaune couldn't help but love her. She was awkward, sure, and didn't exactly have the nuances of human interaction or social graces down just yet, but damn it, she was trying. And even without that, she was still fun to be around, cared about him a lot, and was freakin' adorable. Truly a beautiful cinnamon roll, if ever there was one.
Jaune rounded the corner, only to run smack-dab into someone's fist with his stomach. Doubling over and wheezing in pain, Jaune cast a glance up, only to freeze in terror at what he found.
Ciel Soleil stood over him, her trademark stoicism having left her. For the first time since he had met her, the Atlesian was actually emoting, though it wasn't an emotion he was able to appreciate. No, what she was looking at him with was nothing more than raw, unadulterated fury.
"Hello, Jaune," she greeted. "Do you have a minute?"
That was a trick question and she knew it, but he wasn't stupid enough to try and run. Instead, Jaune shakily rose to his feet, nodding.
"Y-yes."
"Good. I just wanted to tell you that I know what you did to Penny last night."
That was a stupid thing to say for a variety of reasons. For one, of course she knew what they had done; they had, after all, kicked her out of her room specifically so they could both play a rousing game of 'Hide the Sausage', so to speak. For another, it was less him doing anything to Penny and more Penny doing things to him – foreplay aside, she had preferred being on top.
Not that he was about to correct Ciel on the latter, of course – his ass was already due to be thoroughly kicked, and he wasn't interested in having it kicked twice as hard.
The only question, of course, was what happened now.
Jaune sighed, lowering his head. "...Alright, get it over with. If you're going to attack me-"
To his surprise, Ciel simply shook her head. "Oh, I won't be doing anything."
That caused him to look at her in surprise. "You won't?"
"Oh, no."
Well, that was a relief. He sighed, now relaxed that he had dodged a beating.
Unfortunately, giving him the brief bit of respite was all part of Ciel's master plan, because her next words were perfectly calculated to annihilate him.
"But her father will."
Instantly, the blood froze in Jaune's veins. He felt his skin go cold, and the color drain from his face. Ciel must have noticed as well, because she suddenly showed her second emotion – mirth at his misfortune.
"Yes, you heard right," she taunted. "As soon as I was kicked out of my room, I placed a call to her father. I let him know everything you were doing to his only daughter."
Jaune swallowed nervously. "Y-you… you monster. Why, Ciel? What did I ever do to deserve this?"
"Oh, so now you ask," the Atlesian growled, shaking her head. "You know what you did."
This time, the blonde sighed. "Yeah… you think I corrupted Penny and turned her into a sex-crazed nymphomaniac."
"What? No, you idiot. What do you take me for, some kind of ultra-prude?"
Again, Jaune looked at her, surprised. "Then why-"
"You remember that time a few weeks ago, when you borrowed ten lien from me?"
"...Yes? What does that have-"
"Only everything," Ciel hissed. "Let this be a lesson to you, Arc – pay your fucking debts."
"...Are you kidding me?" Jaune asked, equal parts exasperated and in disbelief. "You mean you got between me and Penny, tried to break our relationship apart, punched me in the stomach, and are now trying to get me killed by calling Penny's overprotective father on me… because I forgot to pay back the ten bucks I borrowed? Am I understanding that clearly?"
"Crystal, yes."
Jaune sighed, lowering his head. "...Right. Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page."
Honestly, he wasn't even mad. This whole situation was just so colossally retarded that he wasn't even sure if it was real. Like, a small part of him was convinced that he was still back in Penny's room, asleep and serving as the big spoon, and that this was all just a really shitty, nonsensical dream that he would wake up from.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, as was quickly proven when Penny came barreling around the corner, a worried expression on her face.
"Boyfriend-Jaune!" she shouted, rushing over to him. "Boyfriend-Jaune, you must hide!"
"Nice to see you, too, Penny," Jaune deadpanned.
Honestly, he was just fucking done at this point. Penny could have been a truck barreling towards him and he would have just stood there and let it happen. Maybe that way it would kill him and he would reincarnate in a different world that was marginally less shitty than this one.
'Marginally' because Penny wouldn't be there, and that was a hell in and of itself.
The gynoid paused in front of him. "Please, Jaune, you must find somewhere to hide for a while! My father is on the way here to see you!"
"I know. Ciel called him on me."
Penny turned towards Ciel, confused. "Friend-Ciel? Is that correct?"
The Atlesian shrugged. "He didn't pay me what he owed."
"What?! Boyfriend-Jaune, Ciel takes her debts very seriously! How could you do something so foolish?!"
Oh, come the fuck on. Was she seriously blaming him for this even though it was clearly the fault of Ciel and her moneygrubbing nature? And here he was, thinking that whole thing about girls sticking together no matter what was just bullshit. He was tempted to tell the very concept of the Sisterhood to suck his dick, but he'd gotten plenty of that the night before and was liable to start shooting blood if he got any more of it at this point, so fuck that.
Anyway, what he was getting at was that this was some hot garbage right here, and he didn't like it. But as tempted as he was to get mad, that wouldn't solve anything. Now was the time to be proactive, not reactive.
Jaune shook his head. "Sorry Penny, but I'm not running."
"What?! But Jaune-"
"No 'buts', Penny." Aside from hers last night, that is. And what a butt it was. "I'm not running and hiding. I love you, and if I have to stand up to your father, then so be it."
"You don't understand!" Penny said, frantic. "He's a mad scientist, Jaune! He'll take you back to his lab, and use your body for all kinds of inhumane and unethical experiments, and then present you to his assistant while shouting, 'Gentlemen, behold!' Do you even know what happened to Randall, Jaune?!"
Jaune blinked. "...Who's Randall?"
"My father's old roommate! He didn't pay his half of the utilities, and you know what happened? Father spliced his double helix together with that of a fried porkchop!"
Well, that was certainly concerning. The last thing he wanted was to become a fried pork-Jaune. Still, between suffering that fate and never seeing his girlfriend again, his choice was easy to make.
"Well, thanks for the warning, but I'm not backing down," Jaune declared.
"Boyfriend-Jaune, please-"
"No, Penny," he said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this."
Penny stared at him, silently begging for him to reconsider. After several seconds, she bit her lip before nodding. "...Okay. But don't be surprised if he attempts to bust out the Rabbot."
Jaune wasn't sure what that was, but at this point he was probably better off not knowing.
"Right, then," Jaune said, determined. "Let's go."
Needless to say, Jaune's bravado lasted about as long as it took for him to actually meet Penny's father. Even confined to a wheelchair, the man was intimidating.
"So, this is the guy?" A robotic voice asked from behind several inches of ballistic plating.
Granted, the 'wheelchair' was actually more of a mobile weapons platform loaded with about six different laser cannons, all of them pointed directly at Jaune, but still.
Penny sighed, then shook her head. "Yes, Father. This is my boyfriend, Jaune."
Swallowing nervously, Jaune held up a hand in greeting. "Uh, nice to meet you, sir-"
"Great, so not only is he a daughter-defiler, he's also a liar," Doctor Polendina replied. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't vaporize you where you stand boy."
"Father!" Penny protested.
"Not now, sweetie – Daddy's in the process of committing assault with a deadly weapon. Now then, Jaune, your response?"
Man, and here he was, thinking those stupid teenage romance movies featuring overprotective fathers were all just… well, stupid. Now he knew that if anything, they were underselling it.
Think fast, Jaune.
"Erm, well… if you killed me, Penny would be upset?"
"Yes, I would!" Penny interrupted, crossing her arms and turning away. "I will never forgive you if you atomize my boyfriend, Father!"
Thank the Gods Penny was backing him up on this, because he doubted his ability to talk himself out of this one. Times like this, he really regretted the fact that he had basically treated all the Charisma skills as his dump stats and instead put all those points in some other garbage skill that was of no use.
He wasn't quite sure what that hypothetical skill would even be considering that he wasn't exactly a man of many talents, but whatever.
Ignoring the fact that that joke was dead on arrival, Jaune instead turned his attention back to the situation at hand, which in his few seconds of spacing out, had apparently devolved into Penny and her father arguing with each other over something.
"Penny, sweetie, please just listen to reason-"
"No, father! I am not letting you disintegrate Jaune, even if you get me a puppy like I wanted!"
"...Not even if it was a golden retriever?"
"That-" She paused and thought for a moment before shaking her head. "...Is a tempting offer, I will admit, but Jaune is worth more to me than any puppy!"
Gee, thanks, Penny. Glad to know I'm worth that much to you, Jaune thought dryly.
Again, Penny huffed. "Now, would you please come out of your armored suit so we can discuss this like adults?"
"...Fine," her father said.
The front of the suit began to open, allowing the wheelchair to detach from the rest of the chassis. Doctor Polendina rolled out into the open, and for the first time, Jaune was able to get a look at him. And to put it mildly, it was not what he was expecting.
"Wait, you're her dad?" he found himself involuntarily asking.
The man's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well, it's just..."
He hesitated. There was no really easy way to bring this up without it being weird. Finally, he decided to just bite the bullet and say it, since it wasn't like waiting was going to make things any less awkward.
"...I mean, she doesn't really look like you, does she?"
"What?"
"Well, she's, ah… you know, got a light complexion?"
"Oh, I get what you're saying."
"Yeah, she's-"
"White, and I'm not."
Jaune paused. "...Well, when you put it that way, it sounds kinda weird."
"What's weird about it? It's true."
"You're taking this line of questioning very well."
"Well, it's a valid line of questioning."
At that, Jaune breathed a sigh of relief. Thank the Gods that people on Remnant weren't shallow or dumb enough to discriminate based on skin color, and instead only discriminated based on whether someone had animal ears or something, otherwise this entire series of questions and answers might have been even more awkward than it already was.
"I just want to make things absolutely clear," Jaune said. "You're her dad, right?"
"Yes, I made her myself."
"Yeah, well-" Again, Jaune paused. "...Okay, can you not put it that way?"
"Well, it's-"
"I mean, yeah it's true, but hearing you say it like that makes me feel weird."
"But I did make her myself. I built her and everything. Modeled her down to the tiniest hair follicle."
Yeah, he unfortunately figured that out a while ago. The implications still haunted him.
"...Okay, so if you modeled her, why not make her look more like yourself?" Jaune asked.
"What difference does it make?"
"Well, I'm just saying, I thought that parents wanted their children to look like them, and Penny… well, no offense, but she doesn't look anything like you."
Pietro raised an eyebrow. "Why would I want her to look similar to me? If I wanted that, I would have made her a boy."
Again, not only was that creepy, but it was bringing up all kinds of implications that Jaune didn't want to imagine but found himself imagining anyway.
How would male Penny even work, anyway? Would he even be capable of getting an erection, given that the biological process for such required, you know, a heartbeat and blood flow? Would he even be capable of reproduction or would he just be shooting blanks the whole time? Penny was, um, lubricated, but somehow it didn't seem like it would be that simple if she was a man.
And now he was back to wondering how his girlfriend even worked in the first place, which was fantastic and didn't hurt his brain at all, no sir. Did her body just naturally produce more lubricant somehow? How did she even feel pleasure from sex in the first place – like, was it even real pleasure, or was it just sensors telling her how to respond? He wasn't dumb enough to claim that their love was artificial, but the sex… well, that was more mechanical than love, and he felt justified in questioning it.
Still, those mental and emotional wounds could wait to be addressed another day, because right now he had to focus on convincing his cute girlfriend's father not to combine him with lunch meat.
"Anyway," Jaune said, shaking himself from his thoughts. "Can we move on, please?"
Thankfully, they both nodded. Forget not being awkward, that entire exchange was like pulling teeth. He was perfectly willing to act like it never happened and just move on, even if that meant placing himself in harm's way once more.
"Right, so," Pietro began, "I think it's clear that I don't approve of you, and I especially don't approve of you sleeping with my daughter."
Penny sighed tiredly, slumping over. Jaune looked at her, frowning. Okay, enough was enough – he was sick of seeing Penny be sad.
Also, now that Pietro was actually out of his robot suit, he was literally just a cripple in a wheelchair. Not exactly the most threatening man to ever walk across Remnant. If worse came to worse, Jaune would just stick Crocea Mors between his spokes, pick up Penny, and take off running to parts unknown, likely somewhere with a large set of stairs to really give Pietro the middle finger.
Anyway, the point was that he was sick of watching Penny's father unintentionally make her upset, and he intended to do something about it. Now was the time to be assertive.
"Let me just stop you there, sir," Jaune said. "Look, I get what you're doing, but you're upsetting Penny."
"Oh, I'm upsetting Penny? You slept with Penny! I think I have good reason to-"
"I mean, that's a two-way street, you know," Jaune pointed out. "I wouldn't have slept with her if she didn't want to sleep with me. Everything I've done, I've done because she wanted me to, because we love each other."
To his dismay, Pietro shook his head. "Penny is easily coerced, so-"
"Oh, stop!" Penny said. "Father, stop pretending this is about me! It's obvious what the real problem is."
Oh, great, now came the part in every shitty teen romance movie where it turns out the dad is just upset to his little girl grow up, and then he admits it, and then they hug, and then it's all okay. Sure, Jaune was happy that things were going to have a happy ending, but the fact that it was going to be as cliché as this was just groanworthy.
"Just because you think sex is disgusting doesn't mean you can get mad at me for not following in your footsteps!"
...Okay, never mind.
Jaune blinked. "...I'm sorry, what was that? It sounded like she said-"
Penny crossed her arms. "My father is just upset that people have sex. He finds it crass, and thinks it to be beneath him."
Great, this had somehow gone from merely awkward and groan-inducing to outright fucking retarded. Forget an ongoing train wreck – this conversation had officially declined to the point where Jaune was honestly considering drawing Crocea Mors and just fucking stabbing himself; it would have been less painful than sitting through another second of this shit.
Like, really, there were only so many ways to cope with coming face-to-face with an incel. And the only thing worse than an incel was an incel that had somehow managed to defy the laws of nature and reproduce using science.
Pietro sighed. "Penny, we talked about this. Pleasures of the flesh are beneath us."
Wow, that was an outrageous level of cope coming from someone so old. Penny, thankfully, rolled her eyes.
"Father, you are being ridiculous."
"Am I? Why bother pursuing such fleeting joys when there are others to be found in pursuits of the mind?"
"Because it makes me happy, that's-"
"Okay, pause," Jaune said, causing them both to turn to him. He pointed to Pietro. "Okay, just so we're clear: this whole thing is happening not because you're upset with someone sleeping with Penny, but because she was interested in sex in the first place?"
"Of course," came the reply.
"...Then why the fuck did you build her with the, um, necessary parts for it? Why program her with a sex drive?"
"...Well, obviously, she was going to have to pass as a real girl-"
"But you made them functional."
"...I might have had a bit too much to drink when drawing up the blueprints," he admitted.
Penny's jaw dropped. Jaune had to sympathize; it wasn't easy learning that at least part of your creation was because the one who had made you had been completely shitfaced at the time.
Seriously, Saphron still wasn't over learning that she was the result of a drunken hookup between his parents. No wonder she was so quick to leave the house.
Still, at least now had the answer as to why Pietro could have possibly designed his own daughter's genitalia and not been tempted to eat a bullet afterwards for being a creepy weirdo – because he didn't remember designing it in the first place. Honestly, part of him thought that was intentional, in which case he was probably going to have to reevaluate his opinion of the man.
But that could wait until after they had solved this bullshit.
"Look," Jaune said, "All I'm saying is that I think it's really weird to care this much."
"How so? Penny wasn't supposed to develop a sex drive."
Jaune felt his jaw drop. "Seriously? Dude, think about this for a moment – you literally gave her all the tools needed for her to turn into some insane mega-pervert." He raised a hand up, then began to count off on his fingers. "She has unlimited internet access as an innate feature. Her data storage capacity is enormous. Her connections are good enough that she can seed all the torrents while simultaneously doing a million other things. She has all of this with very little oversight on your end, and as if that wasn't enough, she's innately curious."
Pietro raised an eyebrow. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that, frankly, you're lucky that she's only managed to develop a healthy sex drive instead of getting into some really fucked-up shit," Jaune said. "Seriously, you ought to count your blessings that her tastes are so vanilla; she probably came this close to becoming a furry."
As an afterthought, he turned to Penny and said, "Penny, delete all mentions of the word 'furry' from your data banks and put a wordfilter in place automatically changing any future instances of it to 'cat videos'."
Penny blinked in surprise, but nodded. "All instances have been deleted, and the wordfilter has been implemented."
"Thank you." He turned back to Pietro. "There, I just saved her from a lifetime of bad decisions. You're welcome."
"...Do I want to know?" he asked.
"No. No, you do not."
"...That bad, huh? Well, you have my thanks."
Honestly, no thanks were necessary – Jaune was simply happy to save an innocent soul from falling into that death spiral. Truly a fate worse than death.
"Anyway," Jaune continued, "I'm just saying that you can't exactly get mad when you're the one responsible for it."
Pietro looked like he wanted to argue, but was unable to come up with something to put up against the sheer wall of facts Jaune had just bombarded him with.
Jaune huffed, putting his hands on his hips. "Now, did that address the problem?"
"...In a way," Pietro conceded.
"Great. So, we good?"
The scientist hesitated before sighing. "...Alright, fine. I suppose I'll have to admit defeat."
Holy shit, that actually worked. Honestly, Jaune hadn't expected it to go that well – he was still convinced that he was going to catch at least one laser to the dick. The fact that he hadn't was worth its weight in gold.
Oh, as was the fact that he had basically just gotten the all-clear to keep dating Penny. Couldn't forget that.
"Alright, cool," Jaune said. "And for what it's worth, I promise I'll treat her right."
Pietro looked at him like he had grown a second head. "Are you implying that Penny is incapable of defending herself? I assure you, she could take you in a fight no problem."
Penny groaned, bringing one hand up to rub at her eyes tiredly. "Father, just… please don't start this now."
"...Okay, fine," Pietro said. "I guess I'll just head back to Atlas, then."
Clearly, he was expecting her to feel bad. Unfortunately, as much as she loved him, he had just tried to atomize her boyfriend and had also embarrassed the hell out of her, so he wasn't going to get that.
"Bye, Father. See you soon. Have fun with that SKYNET project you were working on."
Cold of her, perhaps, but this wasn't a shitty teenage rom-com. The two of them watched as Pietro gathered up his armored chassis and retreated into his ship, then took off back towards Atlas.
Jaune stared as the ship disappeared into the horizon, then breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, that was fun."
Indeed, it was. How often do guys get to talk mad shit on their girlfriend's father to his face and not only have it be totally justified, but also have him concede defeat? He had often wondered how an alpha male felt, and now he knew.
Like, seriously. He had a woody right now.
Penny took his hand and began to lead him back to the dorms, and Jaune couldn't keep a big grin from crossing his face.
It was nice for everything to go his way for once.
Decided to take things in a different direction for once and actually give Jaune a happy ending with a non-villainous character. It makes me feel kind of dirty, if I'm being honest – a happy ending that doesn't have a stupid setup, in my shitpost? Well, I guess there's gotta be at least one to buck the trend. That isn't gonna stop me from taking a shower to cleanse myself of my sins, however.
Okay, sarcasm aside, I had a pretty good time with this one. It didn't flow as easily as the Salem chapter, but it was still pretty fun to write – I especially had a good time sneaking in those Dr. Weird references.
Aside from that, there's not much about the fic to report. I think I might do a sequel chapter for the next one, though I'll be keeping which girl I'm doing it for a secret for now. Let's just say that I think you'll enjoy it, because it's looking like it's going to be really fun, which makes sense given that it's a sequel to one that was already really fun to work on.
In other news, I am officially one year older as of today, which would be spectacular if I wasn't at that age where all the days kind of just blend together… and if the 'Rona didn't have everything shut down so I could actually buy some nice bourbon. Funnily enough, the liquor stores around here are closed, but the gun stores are still open, meaning I can finally pick up that Beretta 92FS I've been eyeballing and get one step closer to owning a real-life Samurai Edge (I'm a huge Resident Evil fan and it's not even a hard modification to make, so you bet your ass I'm gonna do it).
Besides that, I've got nothing else. See you all next time for the first sequel chapter.
Next update: Saturday, May 2.