After about an hour of trying to fight her way through exhaustion to get homework done, Jade finally gave up and shoved her papers into her book bag. This can wait until tomorrow. I've been staring at this for way too long, and I'm not even getting anything done. All I need is some sleep.

Jade got up, deposited her book bag on top of her desk chair where it stayed at night, pulled a random T-shirt and pair of shorts from her dresser, and plodded her way across the hall to the bathroom to get ready for bed. As she removed her makeup, Jade cringed at the sight of the circles under her eyes, which were now a couple shades darker than usual. I look like a mess. At least the dark eye shadow makes it less obvious…

By the time Jade was climbing into bed, she felt ready to collapse. She closed her eyes happily and felt a wave of calmness seep over her whole body. Ah. There's nothing quite like the feeling of being in bed when you're tired.

After a few moments, Jade noticed, huh, I'm finally not bombarded by thoughts about Tori. It feels so… freeing. And she immediately regretted that observation. Fuck. I really hope that's not going to make me think of her now. She took a deep breath. I can do this. I can have thought of her once without her taking over my thoughts. Now I can direct my thoughts to something else, and I'll be okay. Jade tried to think of some other topic that could serve as a good distraction. It has to be interesting, but also plain enough for me to still fall asleep. How about… that play I wrote a little while ago about the werewolf attacks? That's a good one. Jade let her thoughts drift to her play, smiling as she remembered the funny songs Andre had written. It was supposed to be horror, but Andre basically turned it into a comedy. And I wasn't even mad. He's amazing at composing.

One memory led to another, and soon Jade's mind was filled with all the songs Andre had written in that past year. Palaces in the Clouds. I'm Ready. Stardust. Make it Shine. Oh, fuck. Tori sang that—But I don't need to think about her!—and it was so pretty. That was the first time I ever saw her… wait, I gotta get her out of my head! Another distraction… Disney karaoke with Cat a while back. She sang Part of Your World, I sang Poor Unfortunate Souls. That was fun. Not something I would ever admit to anyone else to having done, but fun to do with Cat. That was before she dyed her hair; she would make an even better Ariel now. That thought made Jade smile. See, I'm doing it! I'm getting Tori out of my—fuck that was so stupid why in the world did I just think that now she's in my fucking head again and—

A million thoughts whirled around Jade's mind, bombarding her with memories and feelings about Tori no matter where she tried to take cover. Raw emotion flooded like a tsunami into every corner of Jade's mind. Sadness. Fury. Confusion. Enmity. Helplessness. Fear. Despair. There were no coherent thoughts or words; only shards of feeling, sharp and painful. They cut deep, and Jade felt her heartbeat double as she searched frantically for a sanctuary from their flurrying attacks. But alas, she could find none. Jade pressed her hands up to her face and tried to take a deep breath, but it came out shaky and shallow. She tried again, focusing her attention on the sound of the air moving into her nose and the feeling of the air filling her chest. Jade immediately felt a little relief, but by the time she had exhaled, all the feelings were there again, attacking her just as viciously as before. It wasn't just about Tori anymore; it was about Jade's inability to cope with her thoughts and feelings. She couldn't resolve her thoughts, so they remained wedged in her mind, holding open the doors to allow unfiltered emotions to cascade in until Jade felt as if she were drowning.

I can't do this. I can't lie here and deal with all these overwhelming feelings. I have to escape. Jade pushed her covers to the side and stumbled a couple feet across her room to her desk, where she flicked on her lamp. She roughly pushed her book bag off her chair, and it fell to the ground on the other side with a dull thud. With some space finally clear, Jade plopped down into her desk chair, yanked open a drawer, and pulled out a pen and one of her notebooks. Because whenever Jade felt too many emotions, writing was the only way she could ever find any comfort. Although she felt way more overwhelmed than she could remember having felt in the past, Jade hoped that writing would still be an effective coping strategy. Because if it isn't, what the fuck is there left for me to do?

Jade opened the notebook to the first blank page and wrote one word on the left of the second line, lined up along the margin. Lost. She stared at it some, then immediately after it, added, Confused. Scared. After a couple more moments of reflection, Jade began to write more swiftly, adding a couple lines below her first three words, and inserting a line above. She hadn't intended to write a poem, but as the words flowed steadily out of her, that's the shape they took, so she went with it. She didn't worry about what she was writing; she just let her feelings guide her hand as she finally expressed them on paper.

As she wrote, Jade felt some of her tension lessen, and her thoughts became clearer as she focused on her stanzas. After every couple of new lines she wrote, Jade returned to the top of her page and marked it up, changing or striking out some words to form a syllabic pattern and rhythm. When she had written eight stanzas, Jade paused. It felt finished. At least for now.

As she usually did with her poems (at least the ones she didn't despise), Jade rewrote her work on a fresh page so she could have a clean copy, free from all her editing markings. Then she reread it one more time, letting the words wash over her.

What are you now?

Lost. Confused. Scared.

Burdens borne alone

And can't be shared

Impossible

To find the light

Surrounded by

The dead of night

You can't escape

And you can't hide

And I should know

Because I've tried

So why attempt

To change your fate?

Do you not know

That it's too late?

There's nothing wrong

With her or them

It's your own faults

That I condemn

Your pain is yours

And yours to bear

And though you say

"That's just not fair"

There can't be hope

(And you're to blame)

If you let life

Remain the same

So don't just cry

And mope around

Lost, afraid you'll

Never be found...

Jade sighed, satisfied. No, it didn't feel complete, per se—the ending seemed to leave everyone hanging—yet Jade felt there was nothing to add. And that feeling of suspension was what she felt now; it was as if her tumultuous emotions had finally left her, but she didn't have any comfort, so it just felt as though everything were hanging in the balance, waiting for some hinge event to change something.

As she thought about the words she had written, Jade suddenly started yawning, and she remembered just how exhausted she was. She got up from her desk and was about to put her notebook in the drawer she had taken it from, but then she decided to place it in the locked drawer instead. This is a locked-drawer poem. For my eyes only. No one else gets to read my emotions; those are completely mine. They can go find their own shitty despair and agony if they want.

Everything being taken care of, Jade returned her book bag to its place on her desk chair, switched off her lamp, and climbed into bed again. Having successfully offloaded her feelings into her notebook, Jade felt a peaceful emptiness in her mind, and after a few minutes Jade was finally drifting off into a much-needed deep, luxurious sleep.

In the morning, the sound of Jade's alarm clock wrenched her awake. She remained in bed for a few moments, noting how she finally didn't feel exhausted and shitty. Thank god I finally got enough sleep. Now I can actually… think clearly.

Jade slipped out of bed and silenced her clock, then commenced her morning getting-ready routine. When she returned to her room after breakfast to grab her book bag, Jade paused, looking at her locked drawer. After a moment's reflection, she put in the combination to her lock, opened the drawer, and pulled out the notebook from last night. She flipped through it until she found the poem, then she held it up in front of her and reread it twice.

Something needs to change. Tori's line from yesterday's improv was eerily accurate; we can't go on like this. At least I can't. But what in the world am I supposed to do to change it? As Jade pondered this difficult question, she returned the notebook to its spot in the drawer and closed the lock, sealing the contents into their secret crypt once again. Then she made her way to the car, still unsure of how she was going to deal with the situation with Tori. All I know is that avoiding her isn't getting me anywhere. I'm probably going to have to… talk to her. Jade sighed. It sucks. But it's the only option.

Tori stood at her locker, pretending to organize her books, but really she was scanning the halls out of the corners of her eyes, waiting for Jade to arrive. Tori hadn't quite planned what she was going to do once Jade did show up, but she knew that she had to find a way to actually have a conversation with her. I need to explain to her that nothing in our improv yesterday was actually directed at her. And I need to get her to tell me why she hates me so much despite my apologies. I need to know. I can't keep this up, wondering what I've done wrong when all I've tried to do is make things better.

Then Jade arrived. Finally. Tori focused her attention on Jade, following her with her eyes as she walked to her locker, pulled it open somewhat aggressively, and started shuffling things between the locker and her book bag. Tori waited a couple moments to allow Jade to organize her things, and then she closed her locker carefully and walked across the hall to Jade.

"Jade."

After a brief beat of silence, Jade's locker swung shut, and Jade turned ninety degrees to face Tori, folding her arms across her chest. She had a blank expression on her face, which came as a slight surprise to Tori. She's… listening to me? And not yelling?

When it became clear that Jade wasn't going to say anything, Tori took a deep breath and said, "We need to talk."

Tori expected a number of possibilities for Jade's reaction: some snarky comment along the lines of "clearly we're already talking," or maybe an angry dismissal. But what Jade actually said was something Tori never would have imagined. Keeping her arms crossed, Jade said simply, "After school."

It took Tori a long time to process what Jade had said, and when she finally did, she couldn't believe that she had heard correctly. She's agreeing to talk! All I've wanted is to just have a conversation with her, and now I'll finally be able to. It's a miracle.

Jade's steely voice cut through Tori's excited thoughts. "Are we done here?"

Tori shook her head slightly to focus herself on the present, then shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. At least until after school."

Soon after, Jade slammed her locker shut and walked away, leaving Tori wondering whether she had dreamed the whole thing. But no. I couldn't have. This is real, and I'm finally going to get to talk to Jade! For the rest of the day, Tori could barely focus on her classes, too occupied by the excitement of what was to come after school. I can't wait.

A/N: That's all, folks! [*insert Looney Tunes music*]

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Until next week!