Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 12: Cinder Part 2, or: Shoutout to Coeur (For Somehow Making This Pairing Work)
Life with Cinder had certainly proven to be interesting. It was definitely nothing like what Jaune had been expecting, that was for sure. For one, they lived in a castle. That was nice. For another, the castle was surrounded by Grimm. That was less nice. Thankfully, the Grimm were pretty docile and left them alone for some reason, so it wasn't too much of a concern.
That hadn't stopped him from completely losing his shit the first time he had looked out a window and seen a King Taijitu staring back at him, but at least they had been quick to both explain things to him and bring him a pair of replacement pants.
Besides that, there were also some other people living in the castle… for some reason. None of them were related to Cinder, so why they were living together was a complete mystery. Roommates, maybe? If that was the case, they had certainly picked the craziest piece of real estate in all of Remnant. Jaune wasn't sure how much the security deposit had been, but they definitely weren't ever going to see it again.
The people themselves were weird. Adam, Neo, and Torchwick were nowhere to be found; Jaune had asked his girlfriend what had happened to them and she had just replied with "Taurus is off being edgy somewhere, Neo is off being stabby somewhere, and Roman is off being digested somewhere".
That had answered exactly none of his questions, but he knew better than to expect anything else from his girlfriend.
Anyway, the only people he recognized aside from his girlfriend were Mercury and Emerald, who were the same as always. Besides them, there was a man named Watts, who was both a huge dick and also someone who was trying really hard to bring his Doctor Frankenstein fantasy to life, and failing miserably at it.
The mustache was certainly very nice, though. Jaune was jealous. He had been tempted to try and emulate it but unfortunately his facial hair only ever looked like pubes glued to his face, so that wasn't going to happen. Much to his chagrin, his dream of giving his girlfriend a mustache ride was going to have to wait until he was older.
Then there was Hazel, who was probably the most normal guy out of all of them. He was very nice, and always looking out for Jaune. They didn't hang out very much because one time Jaune made the mistake of asking why someone relatively normal like Hazel was hanging out with all these weirdos, and in return had earned a big hour-long speech that went in one ear and out the other, and can best be summed up like this: 'Blah blah blah my sister, blah blah blah Ozpin, blah blah blah my motivations don't make sense and I'm only here to be the token strong guy'.
So much for being relatively normal, then.
As far as the regular everyday jerk-offs went, the only one left was Tyrian, who was really fucking weird. He seemed to love violence a little too much, spoke like he had accidentally spilled some bipolar disorder in his schizophrenia, and was generally creepy. He had a nasty tendency to refer to the nearby Grimm as 'beautiful', which Jaune had thought was hyperbole up until he had taken a wrong turn in the castle and walked in on the crazy man attempting to fuck a Beowolf. Fortunately for Jaune's psyche, Grimm don't have genitalia, so that didn't happen.
But aside from his weird fetish, Tyrian wasn't all that bad. If nothing else, he was a pretty reliable training partner – Jaune could feel himself improving every time he sparred against the scorpion Faunus. Aside from the bruises and the fact that it seemed like the only thing keeping Tyrian from actually trying to kill him was Cinder watching over the two of them, he wasn't such a bad guy.
...Well, not counting his nasty tendency to refer to the castle's chief resident as his Queen.
Naturally, that brings us to the final person left in the castle. Salem was the head honcho, the big cheese, the word around the block. She was basically the Big Boss to her castle's MSF – they all did her bidding, and she sat back and told them what to do.
That analogy doesn't make much sense since Big Boss actually did a lot of field work, but shut up. This story needs more Metal Gear references.
Anyway, Salem was probably the weirdest one out of all of them. For some reason, she dressed up like some crazy Grimm person, with pale skin dotted with black veins. Her hair was kept tied back in this hideous bun thing that looked like a spider was holding on to her head, and she only ever wore a bathrobe around. It was actually insane how dedicated she was to the getup – like, she even made sure her eyes resembled that of a Grimm, and that was just weird.
Needless to say, it was now clear where Cinder got her chuuni side from.
Yeah, he wasn't sure why he had ever expected anything different. Obviously, Cinder's quirks had to come from somewhere, and it only made sense that the woman in charge of her would have been the source. Still, as much as running into one of them in the hall made Jaune want to scream at them to grow up and stop acting like life was a constant anime convention they were cosplaying at, he knew better – all these people could easily kick his ass if they so desired, and were only stopped from doing so by his lovely girlfriend.
And speaking of his girlfriend…
Jaune was broken out of his thoughts by Cinder rolling over and murmuring something in her sleep. His expression softened when he saw her do so, and he was quick to lean over and give her a soft kiss on the cheek. She stirred slightly, finally cracking open her one good eye to stare at him.
"Jaune?
He grinned softly at her. "Hey, Cin. Time to get up."
"Already?" She pouted. "But I want to stay in bed with you."
"Yeah, well, Salem said she wanted to see you first thing in the morning. So you'd better head over."
Cinder sighed tiredly, but nodded. "Alright."
Throwing the covers off herself, she stood up and walked over to the dresser, giving Jaune an absolutely gorgeous view of her ample rear end.
Sure, she was missing an eye. Sure, she was covered in scars. Sure, one of her arms had been removed and replaced with something that looked suspiciously like a Grimm arm. But you know what? She was still his girlfriend, and he still loved her dearly. And no amount of third-degree burns, empty eye sockets, or uncomfortable handjobs were going to change that.
...Though he had to admit that he could do without the terrible handjobs; they just rubbed him the wrong way, you know?
I'll be here all week.
Please clap.
Anyway, Jaune watched for a bit as his girlfriend got dressed before finally throwing the covers off of himself and walking over to join her. He paused long enough to give her a proper good morning kiss, then started getting dressed.
"So, do you know what the plan is for today?" he asked.
She shook her head. "Not sure yet. Salem will tell me."
"Another business trip, you think?"
Cinder hesitated before smiling a smile that he swore almost looked forced. "Y-yes! Yes, a business trip – likely to Atlas this time."
"Really? I'm surprised. I thought that after the disaster that was the trip to Mistral, they would have toned it down a bit."
"Well, you know how it goes – unforeseen circumstances are no reason to stop what we're doing."
Yes, quite unforeseen indeed. Apparently, all of them who had gone had been stopped by a particularly rude group of cops and forced to turn back around upon arrival, as none of them had the right paperwork to be there for the anime convention they were trying to go to ('business trip', his ass). Weird, but whatever. Besides, Mistral as a whole got what it deserved when Lionheart had that heart attack – nobody else was able to properly coordinate Mistral's Huntsmen, so the resulting influx of Grimm had done a number on the local economy.
Oh, and apparently there was some shit about an old hag of a bandit leader and some other shit about a lamp, but frankly Jaune didn't care; his eyes had basically glassed over when Cinder had used the words 'anime convention', and he had pretty much tuned out everything from that point on. It was all white noise to him.
Honestly, these people and their delusions were getting insufferable. If it weren't for the fact that Cinder was so good to him and he loved her so much, he would have been tempted to walk due to how chuuni she was. But as it was now, he was willing to take the good and the bad.
Mainly because the 'good' translated to 'I finally found a smoking hot girl willing to take the full six inches in all of her holes' and the 'bad' translated to 'sometimes she weirds me out with her delusions'. Not a fair trade at all, but since it was unbalanced in his favor, he was willing to take it nonetheless.
Why do I feel like there's some hidden condition I haven't noticed? He absentmindedly thought to himself. Okay, universe, where's the hidden late fees? Man, there really ought to be an in-depth EULA for women or something...
Cinder finished getting dressed, then leaned over to give him a peck on the lips. "I have to go now."
Jaune nodded. "Alright, Cin. I'll have breakfast ready by the time you get back."
She nodded in understanding, then hurriedly left the room, leaving Jaune alone. He sighed as he watched her go, then finished pulling his chestpiece on and attached his sword to his belt.
Man, I wish Pyrrha was here to see me now. She'd be so proud of me.
Cinder's meeting with Salem took about an hour, and true to his word, Jaune had gotten breakfast ready while she was gone. It was nothing special – just eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. Enough for the both of them.
Until Mercury had stopped by, that is.
"'Sup, Jaune?" he said, munching on a piece of toast.
Jaune sighed exasperatedly. "Please don't steal our food, Mercury."
"C'mon bro, you can always make more."
"Yeah, but it was for Cinder and I. Plus, Salem doesn't like us wasting food."
"Wasting? I have to eat too, you know."
That was true, but so was what Jaune had said. Salem really, really didn't like them wasting food since it was so hard to get more out here in… wherever-the-fuck they were (Jaune still hadn't managed to get a name out of anybody). It just begged the question of why they had chosen to set up shop out here – the nearest grocery store was seriously like four hours away. Truly, their bi-monthly grocery runs were the stuff of legend – they basically got the whole store whenever they went. The clerks probably thought they were some very hardcore stoners with a serious case of the munchies at this point.
Honestly, how the castle worked at all was a complete mystery. They somehow had internet and cable despite being miles and miles away from any CCT tower. They somehow had plumbing and running water even though Jaune had yet to see a single set of pipes in the entire castle. Hell, they even had HVAC, and Jaune definitely hadn't seen an air conditioner or boiler in the castle's basement (the only things down there were Salem's wine cellar and what looked like a BDSM chamber; needless to say he had gone down there all of one time and had never done so again).
Mercury snapped him out of his thoughts by reaching for a piece of bacon. "So, what's on the agenda for you today?"
Jaune slapped his hand away, then shrugged. "Not sure. I'll probably just work out, then train with Hazel. How about you?"
"The usual – read some comics, train a little, maybe knock off a few Grimm for fun. Oh, and make the janitors on my Mistralian anime forum cry, then dodge whatever ban they give me by resetting my IP."
Ah yes, how could he have forgotten to mention that Mercury was a hardcore shitposter in his free time? Honestly, it suited him – he had the personality of a thirteen-year-old kid and got a laugh out of ruining other peoples' fun. And while he had made a big deal out of assuring Jaune that it was an anime forum, the blonde was reasonably certain that anime would be the very last thing Mercury posted.
Jaune would have felt sympathetic for the janitors if they were people who deserved sympathy, but anyone dumb enough to do it for free on an online forum deserved to pay the idiot tax of having to deal with Mercury's constant shitposting.
Shoutout to the FFN mods, by the way – your job may be utterly thankless and you may be absolutely despised by most of the community, but at least you have fun doing it, even if you don't do a good job at it and basically have to rely on a community of resident bootlickers to do it for you (for free, of course). You know who you are.
"Oh, and I might mess with Em a bit," Mercury said as an afterthought.
Ah yes, Emerald. At first, Jaune had been convinced that her and Mercury were an item. It only made sense, what with how often they messed with each other, and how they always seemed to travel in a group. However, upon actually living with them, it had become clear that no, they weren't just messing with each other, they just straight-up didn't like each other.
Plus, as it turned out, Emerald had the hots for Cinder and Cinder only. That was definitely weird as hell since Cinder was basically her mother figure, which was even weirder, because from what Jaune could tell Cinder literally found her in a dirty alley somewhere and took her in out of the kindness of her heart, and the two weren't that far apart in age – Cinder was only in her mid-twenties. How she could be anyone's mother figure was beyond him. Then again, maybe Emerald was just really into being mommy-dommed.
In any case, it wasn't going to happen, because Cinder was with Jaune. Also, because Cinder didn't seem to notice Emerald's crush on her, not because Cinder didn't care about her (obviously she cared; anything else would make her a sociopath, and that just clearly wasn't true), but because Cinder was just oblivious. Frankly, Jaune counted his lucky stars every day that they had matched on that dating app, because otherwise Cinder would have been single forever.
Also, his dick would have remained un-sucked, but that was neither here nor there.
Anyway, he was currently having to watch his back a bit, because Emerald had decided to try and eliminate the competition. He had anticipated this, but true to his expectations, he had nothing to fear from her – she was, after all, unflinchingly loyal to Cinder and utterly unwilling to risk making her upset, which naturally interfered with her attempts to murderize him. She just wasn't committed to it, basically.
A true failure in the ways of love, if ever there was one. Jaune took a bit too much joy in making Cinder scream his name at night knowing that Emerald's room was right next to theirs, but she fucking deserved it for trying to kill him, the bitch.
The door to the kitchen suddenly opened, and Cinder stepped in, looking haggard. Mercury took one look at her before deciding that he was better off being anywhere else, and promptly high-tailed it out of there. Cinder marched over to a nearby table and sank down into it, bringing one hand up to rub at her eyes tiredly.
Jaune was at her side in an instant. "Babe? Everything okay?"
Cinder gave him a grateful look. "Yes, everything is fine. I'm just… not particularly enthused with what Salem wants me to do."
"What is it this time? Does she want you to go get her some voice actor's autograph again?"
Cinder shook her head, and Jaune breathed a sigh of relief. Last time she had apparently asked for a complete set of the entire cast of Halfmetal Sorcerer, and Cinder had been gone for weeks.
"No, she just… wants me to head to Atlas for a while."
Jaune furrowed his brow. "Well, just as long as the cops there aren't as bad as the ones in Mistral."
The cops in Mistral were certainly something else – apparently, they had frozen Cinder with Ice Dust before throwing her off a cliff, forcing her to thaw herself out and walk home. She had even been forced to get a new outfit, her old one having been completely destroyed in the process. Jaune had been livid when he had heard about it, but the others had convinced him to reluctantly refrain from going on the warpath.
"Oh, nothing like that," Cinder replied, shaking her head. "No, I'll just be gone for a while. A few weeks, maybe a few months if things take too long."
"Oh..." Jaune said, disappointed. "What could be so important that you have to be gone for that long?"
"Well, I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," she said. Jokingly, of course; she was funny like that.
Jaune chuckled, then leaned in for a kiss. "Alright, keep your secrets." That was fine; he wasn't exactly worried about her having a man on the side, after all. Not only had he run away with her, but he somehow doubted there were many men out there willing to look past the fact that half her body looked like leathery, burnt bacon.
Their lips met, and while Jaune intended for it to just be a quick kiss, he was surprised when Cinder put a hand on the back of his head and held him there, deepening the kiss. His eyes popped open, and he met Cinder's mischievous gaze.
"I leave tonight," she said. "So let's make it a day to remember."
He knew better than to argue.
After all, the last thing he wanted was for her to try and relieve some stress.
Jaune sighed forlornly as he marched through the halls of the castle. It had only been a few days since Cinder had left for her task in Atlas, and he was already missing her. She hadn't brought Mercury or Emerald with her, but that wasn't much consolation – Emerald, of course, hated him; Mercury, meanwhile, was only fit to hang around with in small doses, mainly because he was kind of an enormous dick.
But the joke was on him, because at least Jaune still had his legs and semblance.
Suck it, you crippled fuck.
Jaune rounded a corner and quickly found himself forced to dodge a strike from a scorpion's tail. Rolling to the side, he came to a stop, pulling his sword free of its sheath in the same motion.
"Tyrian," Jaune greeted, trying to sound as courteous as possible – it wouldn't do to piss off the Grimm fucker, after all.
"Ah! The Arc child grows stronger by the day!" Tyrian said cheerfully.
"What do you want? I'm kind of busy."
"Busy with what? Missing your girlfriend?"
Jaune bit his tongue to keep from saying that at least the girl he was interested in liked him back; that would have been signing his own death warrant.
Instead, he said something even dumber.
"You ought to be careful, Tyrian. You never know who might go to Salem and tell her about that body pillow in your closet."
The scorpion Faunus' jaw dropped. "Wha- how did you know about that?!"
"I didn't until just now."
He had always suspected it, though. Chuuni weebs and body pillows went together like peanut butter and chocolate… or, to be a bit more topical, anime fans and federal watch lists.
"How'd you get that, anyway?" he asked. "Should I just assume that Watts is still willing to do anything for a container of high-quality mustache wax?"
Tyrian's face flushed red as he grit his teeth. "Tell no one!"
"Okay, I won't. But you have to stop trying to kill me."
"Fine, fine! Now, promise you will stay silent!"
Jaune huffed, rolling his eyes. "Alright, fine. Now, what do you want?"
Tyrian rose to his full height, reluctantly lowering his tail. "The Queen wants to see you."
Oh, great. Just when he thought his day couldn't get any worse, he had to deal with Queen Chuuni herself.
Let's take bets, Jaune – how much time is she going to spend bitching about her ex today? Smart money's on about fifteen minutes, but I guess we'll see what kind of mood she's in.
Honestly, at this point she just needed to get the fuck over it. According to her, it had been an eternity (hyperbolic, he was sure); the fact that she was still hung up on whoever the fuck he was, was just ridiculous. She had vented to Jaune about how she just wanted to let the world burn in order to spite him, and Jaune had sort of just rolled his eyes and went with it (his mind told him that that was the smart move, no matter how much his heart kept screaming at him to just tell her 'okay, boomer').
How old was Salem, anyway? She dressed like she was from the fucking renaissance, yet she didn't look a day over forty. Honestly, if it wasn't for her stupid Grimm costume, poor hairstyle, and shitty choice in fashion, she would have been a total MILF.
He wasn't gonna lie – with his girlfriend absent, he had no choice but to let his mind wander at night, and as much as he tried to prevent it, it had started to find its way to Cinder and Salem at the same time. The idea was certainly tempting, but it was one of those things he would sooner take to his grave than even try to whisper aloud – if Cinder heard it she would almost certainly feel compelled to relieve some stress, and if Salem heard it, she would probably… well, he wasn't quite sure what Salem was actually capable of since he had never seen her actually get in a fight, but it was probably something suitably ridiculous, and the last thing he wanted to be remembered for was dying to some hardcore weeb chuuni who teleported behind him and unsheathed her katana or whatever.
Pushing those thoughts from his mind, Jaune nodded. "Right. I'll head over right away."
Truthfully, he was dreading this. It was going to end up being the same as always – Salem would ask him how his training was, then how Cinder was, then if anyone was spreading unseemly rumors about her, then ask where her missing underwear had gone (Jaune knew who his primary suspect was but he would never say so aloud), then finally she would ask about his friends for some reason.
Why she was interested in them, he had no idea. Frankly, the last thing he wanted was for her to meet them – they would surely all think he was some kind of weirdo for hanging around with these people. They had already told him back at Beacon that his relationship with Cinder was strange, but they didn't know just how strange (well, Weiss certainly had an idea, but she still didn't really know).
After a few minutes, Jaune found himself standing in front of Salem's throne room. Taking a breath to steel himself for whatever fresh hell she had in store for him, he pushed his way inside, stepping midway through the room in front of her throne.
"Jaune Arc," she greeted.
"You wanted to see me?" he asked.
"Indeed, I did. I wished to speak with you regarding a few areas of interest."
Oh, here we go.
He nodded in understanding. "Ask away."
"As you know, our operation in Mistral was a failure," she said.
"Yes, I heard. A shame – it seemed like it would be successful, from what I heard of the plan. But then again, I guess no plan survives contact with the enemy."
"It would seem that way. I understand that you were a team leader when you were still at Beacon?"
Again, he nodded. "I was."
"Then perhaps you could be of assistance to me," she mused.
Well, this is new, he thought to himself. Wonder what she wants this time? A bunch of doujins, maybe?
Needless to say, this was the last thing he wanted to do. Unfortunately, he didn't really have a choice – Cinder had already instructed him that he ought to do whatever Salem asked him to do, lest she try to kill him. Hyperbolic of her, no doubt, but Jaune didn't need to be told twice; while he doubted that Salem would actually try to kill him, she was still the head of the castle and was letting him stay free of charge, so the least he could do was hold his nose and play along.
"Alright, tell me what you need," he offered.
"Just your opinion on something," she said.
That earned an eyebrow raise. "Forgive me if I'm being a bit presumptive in pointing this out, but you could go to anyone in the castle and ask for their opinion. Why me?"
"Because you're different from them. The others fear me, and you don't."
That was true – the others (minus Tyrian) seemed to be afraid of Salem. It wasn't always plainly obvious, but it was always there, visible in things as small as them tensing up whenever she got too close to them and as large as them suddenly leaving the room when they heard Salem was going to be coming by.
Frankly, Jaune didn't see the problem. Sure, the woman was weird – dressing like a stereotypical goth girl into her forties was certainly anything but normal – but she wasn't that weird. Hell, she still wasn't as weird as Tyrian was, but then again that might just have been because Jaune had yet to walk in on her trying to assfuck a Beowolf.
Of course, Salem had her own problems to deal with that were completely unique from everyone else, many of which had to do with her being an edgy goth even though she was middle-aged. The worst was whenever she tried to give a big speech of some kind – sure, that stuff was probably important, but eventually it all started to blend into itself.
Like, there were only so many ways she could describe burning the world because her ex dumped her before it turned to mush in Jaune's mind and eventually just molded into 'Black, black, black, black, number one' repeated over and over again until she stopped talking.
"Also," Salem continued, "None of them have the same tactical acumen you have, as leader of a team in Beacon."
"...I was only a first-year," he pointed out.
"Still, I would appreciate your insight."
Jaune just shrugged. As far as he was concerned, he was the last person to ask for when it came to planning an operation, but it wasn't like it would hurt anything.
"Alright, then. Hit me."
"Tell me: if you were to try and get onto an airborne target, how would you best do it?"
"...What, you mean like a Nevermore?"
"More like an airship. A really big airship."
Weird question, but okay. Jaune thought for a bit. "...Well, my friend Ruby would probably suggest doing something similar to what she did during initiation, which was using her friend Weiss' semblance along with her own to launch themselves up onto the target."
"And what are these semblances?"
"Well, Ruby's lets her turn into a cloud of rose petals and run really fast."
"I see," Salem said. For the first time, Jaune noticed that she was actually taking notes. "And what about these petals? Are they separate from her? If they are damaged, is she hurt?"
...Okay, these questions were just getting weirder. Tentatively, Jaune shook his head. "I don't know, I never really asked. Why do you need to know?"
"Any bit of information can help with planning. Speaking of, what about the other girl's?"
"Who, Weiss? Well, she's a Schnee, so she gets their glyphs. I can't really describe them other than saying that they're magical bullshit that let her do whatever the hell she wants."
Salem seemed surprised at that. "Magic, you say? And you're sure they were a semblance?"
Okay, he got that goths liked the supernatural and occult, but this was getting ridiculous. Seriously, magic? What next, was one of his friends going to turn out to have magical Grimm-melting eye lasers or something? He hoped not; that would just be stupid.
Ignoring that, Jaune focused on answering her questions. "I'm sure; the Schnee family semblance is hereditary. They all have it, except her asshole of a dad."
"I see," Salem noted. "Now, about my first question-"
"What, attacking the target?" He shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know. If it's a suitably big ship, the best bet would probably be to steal a Bullhead and get on there that way. Or, if I was specifically attacking it, go for a distraction with a large group, then attack an unprotected flank."
"And if you were anticipating heavy resistance? Like, say, they knew you were coming?"
"Well, I'd probably do the same thing. It depends on what kind of manpower-"
"As much as you need."
"Then yeah, the same thing. Start off with waves of weaker forces to draw their fire and make them waste ammo, then while they're distracted, either covertly insert a few key units to wreak havoc behind the lines or mass them all for a big assault." He shrugged. "You know, basic RTS stuff."
"RTS?"
"Real time strategy. You know, gaming."
"...Right," she said tentatively.
Seriously? He knew she was a boomer, but come on, she didn't even know what video games were? No wonder she constantly looked so bored. Maybe he ought to get her some anime games – really kill two birds with one stone.
And hey, maybe he'd get lucky and accidentally end up giving her a husbando. Then she could focus on her virtual love instead of the very real man who dumped her. Weird, sure, but if watching a virtual anime girl take her clothes off was enough for thousands of male weebs to stay locked in their room and forgo all social contact, then he was sure that it would be fine for Salem. She barely left the castle as-is; it wasn't like he would be making things much worse.
"Mind if I ask what this is about?" Jaune questioned.
Salem waved him off. "Merely a hypothetical thinking exercise. Nothing to worry about."
And here he was thinking she was about to try knocking over another anime convention like in Mistral. Thankfully, that didn't seem to be the case.
Overall, this had been a complete waste of time. There was absolutely nothing of value to be found in this conversation, and Jaune regretted every second spent being locked in it. At the same time, it was far from the most unbearable one he had ever gotten into with Salem, so it at least had that going for it.
Plus, at the very least, it was still somewhat normal. Nobody had tried to bang a Grimm, for one.
At least nothing crazy happened.
As if on cue, the doors to the throne room swung open, prompting both of them to look over in surprise. Jaune's jaw just about dropped at what he found.
"Cinder?!"
She was dressed in a completely new outfit, fancy eyepatch included, and seemed to be completely out of breath, but it was undeniably his girlfriend. She stood there, panting and trying to catch her breath, giving Jaune a great view of the weight slung over her shoulder.
A weight that looked suspiciously like his friend Ruby.
Cinder looked at him with her one good eye, frozen. Slowly, her gaze traveled over to the struggling, Ruby-shaped weight on her shoulder, and she grinned sheepishly.
"Um, this isn't what it looks like?"
Jaune only response was to facepalm. Honestly, this girl… she was lucky he loved her so much, because she was such a handful.
"Cin, I get that you wanted to bring my friend here to surprise me, but was this really necessary?"
"Y-yes!" Cinder replied, a bit too enthusiastically. "Yes, that's exactly right! I wanted to surprise you! Are you surprised?"
"...Yeah? I mean, how could I not be?"
"Great! Now, if you could just leave the room for a few minutes-"
Jaune frowned. "Why would I do that? Ruby just got here."
Behind him, Salem exhaled tiredly. "Just...bring the girl here, Cinder."
Cinder winced, but did as she was told, stepping up next to Jaune before dumping Ruby on the ground. The redhead hit the floor with a muffled breath – muffled because, for some reason, Cinder had seen fit to bind, gag, and blindfold her.
Seeing it, Jaune raised an eyebrow. "Uh, Cin? Why is Ruby tied up?"
Again, Cinder froze. "Um… she's a very kinky girl?"
Jaune's face flushed red. That wasn't the answer he had expected, but it made sense – Ruby was so innocent that he had always been convinced that she had secretly been a huge pervert. Still, having it confirmed was more than a little unsettling.
Salem tapped a finger against her throne impatiently. "Cinder, if you would?"
Cinder sighed. "...Just the gag, then?"
"Please. The last thing I need is to be turned to stone."
Before Jaune could ask what she was talking about, Cinder bent down and roughly pulled the tape off of Ruby's mouth, earning a yelp of pain from the girl. She looked over towards where Cinder had been standing, doing her best to glare through her blindfold.
"Jaune, you have to help me!" she cried. "They captured me and brought me here!"
"Captured you?" he questioned.
"Yeah! They came to Atlas and dragged me here!"
"So… you're saying that Cinder kidnapped you against your will, then brought you here for some nefarious purpose!"
"Yes! She's pure evil, Jaune! Her and Salem!"
Cinder opened her mouth to reply, but she didn't get the chance to do so before Jaune cut her off.
"Evil?" he questioned. Slowly, he shook his head. "Ruby, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
The redhead's jaw dropped. "What?! Jaune, she killed Pyrrha!"
Next to him, his girlfriend started to sweat. Jaune gave her a sympathetic look, apologizing for the sheer embarrassment Ruby was causing with her baseless accusations. He exhaled, then gave Ruby a disappointed look.
"Look, Crater Face, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but this isn't funny," he said. "You're embarrassing Cinder."
"Embarrassing?!" Ruby shouted, struggling against her bonds. "Jaune, you have to believe me! She's pure evil!"
See, that just wasn't true – someone who was pure evil could never make love as passionately as Cinder did. It just wasn't possible. Nothing that good could ever be bad.
He opened his mouth to tell her to stop messing around, only for the throne room doors to come flying open once more. To his surprise, it was the rest of his friends.
"Guys?" he asked.
"Jaune-Jaune?!" Nora exclaimed, confused. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing. Did Cinder bring you here to surprise me, too?"
They all exchanged a glance. "...The hell are you talking about?" Yang asked. "We're here because Cinder kidnapped Ruby, and we want her back."
Behind him, Salem glared at Cinder. "You didn't mention you were followed."
Cinder averted her gaze. "...I didn't get the chance to explain."
Jaune gave her a sympathetic glance before looking back at his friends, disappointed. "Look guys, I get it – you're all very committed to this whole 'Cinder is evil' prank, but isn't this going too far?"
"What are you talking about?!" Weiss exclaimed. "Jaune, she really is evil! She attacked Atlas and kidnapped Ruby!"
"Oh, don't talk to me about evil, Weiss. The only thing here that's evil is that braid."
The heiress bristled. "Don't make fun of my braid!"
"Weiss, it looks like you have a giant tapeworm growing out of the side of your head. How do you even walk around without tripping on that thing?"
Blake stepped forward. "Look, can we make fun of Weiss later? Right now, we just want to get Ruby and go."
"Please!" Ruby said, still doing her best to break through her bonds.
Behind him, Salem scowled. "Everybody shut up," she demanded.
They all did as she told, quieting as she rose from her throne and descended the stairs to stand next to Jaune and Cinder. She gazed down at Ruby, her frown intensifying.
"Where is he?"
"Y-you mean Ozpin?" Ruby asked. "I'll never tell-"
"Uh, actually, I'm right here," came a voice from the back of the group that was decidedly not Ozpin.
Ruby's jaw dropped. "Oscar, no! That was your cue to stay quiet."
"...Oops."
With a flick of her wrist, Salem parted the crowd in front of the… kid? Jaune scowled. Seriously, what the fuck was going on here?
Salem took one step towards the kid, who swallowed nervously.
"Finally," she said. "After all these years, I have you right where I want you. And now is my chance to kill-"
"Okay, time out!" Jaune cried out, causing everyone to pause.
Salem immediately whirled around, an irritated look on her face. "What is it now, child?"
"...I'm very confused," he said. "Why is everyone here? Why are they all so dedicated to this terrible joke? What the hell is going on?"
"Jaune, don't tell me you believe whatever lies they're feeding you!" Nora protested.
"I don't know what to believe, okay?! One second I'm waiting for my girlfriend to come back, then the next she's back with Ruby along with her, and Ruby is apparently super kinky for some reason, and the rest of you are here, and now there's some weird kid calling himself Ozpin, and stop the world I want to get off!"
They all blinked in surprise as he finished his rant. Catching his breath and composing himself, he looked over to Cinder, and in a calm voice, said, "Babe, please explain what's going on before I lose my mind."
"R-right," she said, nodding. "You see, um… I was going to bring Ruby back so she and Salem could… uh… watch anime together!"
Salem cocked an eyebrow. "Annie-May?"
"Anime!" Cinder replied.
"I do not know anyone by the name of Annie-May, Cinder, nor do I know why I would be interested in watching her, with or without others present."
"D-don't be silly, Salem!" the one-eyed woman said, starting to sweat. "We all know how much you love seinen!"
"...What was that about semen?"
Yang stepped forward. "Oh, nice try, lady. Like Jaune would ever fall for-"
Slowly, Jaune nodded. "That makes sense, I guess."
Yang's jaw dropped. "WHAT?!"
"Well, I mean, it makes sense." Jaune shrugged. "After all, everyone here is a huge weeaboo chuuni cringelord, Salem most of all."
"...I do not know what any of those words mean," Salem admitted, "but I do not like the sound of a single one of them."
Jaune ignored her. "Anyway, it's obvious what's going on – Cinder went to Atlas in order to get Ruby so the two of them and Salem could have an anime-watching party together. The rest of you decided that you didn't want to be alone at the Atlas anime convention, so you all decided to tag along."
"...What the fuck drugs are you on, dude?" Nora asked. "Jaune, take a look at Cinder, really take a look. Doesn't her appearance just scream 'supervillain'?"
The blonde frowned. "That's very rude, Nora."
"Jaune, she has a Grimm arm!" Yang shouted.
"And you have a robot arm, but nobody's making fun of your disability." Jaune sidled up to his girlfriend, looping an arm around her. "Babe, I'm sorry my friends are being so rude to you."
"It's… quite alright," she replied, disbelievingly.
For some reason, she seemed very confused about something. He had no idea what that could possibly be about, though.
"Oh, enough of this!" Ruby shouted. "Someone just get over here and take this blindfold off so I can use my Eyes on Salem!"
Jaune instantly froze. "Your… eyes?"
"Yes, my Eyes! I'm going to turn Salem to stone with them!"
"So… you're saying that your eyes have this magic ability that nobody else's does, one that came out of nowhere, is ridiculously overpowered, makes you a super special snowflake of a character, and was very poorly foreshadowed?"
"Yes! Now, if you don't mind-"
"Ah, I see what's going on now," Jaune said, nodding.
"Great! Now, if you could just-"
"You're all chuunis, too."
Everyone instantly paused. You could hear a pin drop, that was how silent it was. Finally, Ren cleared his throat.
"Jaune," he began, "care to explain?"
"Well, it's simple," Jaune replied. "I already know that everyone who lives in this castle is super into anime."
"Seriously, who is this Annie-May?" Salem asked.
Jaune waved her off. "Oh hush, you weird goth; let me answer." For some reason, Cinder looked mortified, and the kid calling himself Ozpin looked super smug. "And as for the rest of you… well, I have to admit that I didn't think you were all degenerate weebs, but I guess I can see it now."
"Slow down, there," Qrow said. "If you think for even a moment that I watch that perverted Mistralian crap-"
"Okay, lemme just stop you there," Jaune interrupted. "See, I'm no anime fan, but even I have a few that I like, and I have to admit that not all of it is perverted. I'll admit to liking a few old-school ones – you know, the classic manime lineup, but-"
"Shut up," Weiss said. "Just… please, stop talking."
"But why?" Jaune asked. "Can't handle the truth?"
"Can't handle the stupidity, more like."
"Yeah, I know – the truth is pretty stupid. But you're the ones who like anime, so..."
"Okay, I still don't get it," Blake chimed in. "Where are you getting this from? It can't just be from the lies Cinder is telling you."
"First off: My girlfriend doesn't lie to me, especially not about something as big as actually being evil. Second off: just look at yourselves. You're all dressed like a bunch of cosplayers, for one. You look terrible. The only one who looks halfway decent is Ren, and even then he still looks like he's some shounen ninja protagonist. The rest of you just look ridiculous, like you're in a contest to see who can wear the dumbest outfit."
"What's wrong with our outfits?" Nora asked.
"Well, aside from Ren and maybe Qrow, you all just look terrible. Nora, you look like one of those yogurt packs kids eat – the ones with the rabbit on them? Yeah, you look like that. I keep expecting that if I bite into you I'll get a variety of overly-sugary, artificial fruit flavors.
"Weiss looks like she's cosplaying someone from the Great War, but also trying to make it sexy, but also stupid with her dumb braid. I'm torn between calling you Mein Fuhrer and calling you Mistress, because again, like everyone else, you've gone for the sexy cosplay act. I appreciate the gloves and thigh-highs, but you're really laying it on thick, especially since you don't have the, you know, assets to really pull it off. Sorry, not sorry.
"Blake is putting the 'cat' in 'catsuit', and also looking stupid as hell, and don't act like you're not aware just how much that outfit highlights your ass – it's skintight, we can see everything. Also, having that many unnecessary zippers on it makes you look like you're from a shitty Mistralian role-playing game. I keep expecting you to try and use a spell that will lock us all into a two-minute cutscene and drain all your MP."
Everyone mentioned looked down at their outfits, suddenly looking very uncomfortable with themselves. Jaune was unperturbed, instead continuing on to the rest.
"Yang, you look like you were torn between dressing as the token anime pilot character and the token anime mechanic character. You look awful – what happened to your sexy outfit from Beacon? I can't even see your nipples through your clothes anymore, and that's just criminal. At least you have Leon's jacket, though – Biohazard 4 was pretty sick, so props for that.
"Ruby, meanwhile… well, I don't have much to say, aside from the fact that Cinder was definitely right when she said that you're incredibly kinky. Definitely living up to your reputation as a degenerate weeb. And then there's that whole situation with you claiming to have magical eye powers, which… come on, I get that you're a chuuni, but did you really have to go that hard?" He shook his head. "It's just sad. You're all adults – start acting like it."
Everyone stared at him, stunned. Finally, Cinder cleared her throat.
"Jaune," she began, "My love. The light of my life. The man I've chosen to secure a future with me. I must say, I always knew you were astute, but I didn't think you were that astute."
Jaune felt his face flush red. "C-Cin, you're making me blush..."
'Great." She took his hand, giving him a sultry look. "What's say we retire to my chambers and let Salem and the rest have that anime-watching party I definitely brought them here for?"
"...Are you sure? I figured that you'd want to join them after all you went through to bring them here."
"Oh, Jaune, you know that I wouldn't trade my time with you for anything. Now, let's go; I'm very pent-up after the past few days."
Jaune didn't need to be told twice. He allowed her to lead him out of the room, all while his friends loudly protested his decision. He ignored them; obviously, they were just upset at being roasted so thoroughly. He understood, but that didn't excuse how they kept yelling that Cinder was evil, and that Salem was actually the Queen of the Grimm.
Honestly, these people… they were ridiculous if they thought he was going to play along with their delusions. The mere thought of his lovely girlfriend being evil was just six different kinds of stupid. How could anyone see Cinder – the girl who constantly proclaimed her love for him, who spent as much time as possible with him, and who was never anything but sweet to him – as evil? It defied all rational belief.
The two eventually found their room, and Cinder was quick to shove him through the door before slamming it shut behind them and locking it. He turned around, but didn't get a chance to saw anything before her lips crashed against his.
After a few seconds, she pulled away. He stood there, gasping for breath.
"Wow..." he muttered.
Cinder simply smirked, looping her arms around his neck. "Make love to me, Jaune," she begged.
He was on the verge of saying yes, only to pause when an explosion rocked the castle. "...What was that?"
She waved it off. "I'm sure it was nothing."
"Are you positive? It sounded like it was coming from the throne room-"
Before he could say anything further, she stuck her hand down his pants, causing him to suck in a breath. She gave him a mischievous smirk.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"N-nothing..." he said, biting back a moan when he felt Cinder gently run a finger along the underside of his length. "Oh, Gods…"
She took that as her cue to pull him into another kiss, one that lasted for another few seconds and another couple of explosions. Gently, she began to coax him over to the bed, lowering him down onto it and standing over top of him.
"Pants off, now," she ordered.
Jaune blinked, surprised. He couldn't help but chuckle. "You're certainly frisky today."
"I need you, Jaune," she all but begged. "Please."
"Hey, I don't need you to spell it out. You know I love you."
"I love you too, my knight."
The two were quick to begin what would turn out to be a very passionate round of lovemaking, one that continued on into the wee hours of the night. It was marred only by the frequent explosions that shook the castle to its foundation, though thankfully these eventually become less and less frequent before finally stopping altogether. Jaune would ask about them the next morning, only to be told that it was nothing to worry about; just a gas leak, most likely.
Odd, because he was pretty sure that gas leaks didn't explode multiple times. Also, the castle didn't have a radiator or anything like that, so he wasn't sure how there was even any gas to leak, but whatever.
Besides that, he had also inquired about all his friends with Cinder, only to be told that Salem had reported they had all had a great time watching anime together, and that all of them had gone back to civilization. Also, she had implored him to never go into the basement again, but that was one warning he didn't need to hear – after seeing Salem's fucked-up BDSM chamber down there, he wanted nothing more than to stay permanently above ground.
Besides that, life went on. Jaune continued to live in the castle with his lovely girlfriend, and did his best to ignore all the weirdos who surrounded him. That was easier said than done, but he was glad to do it for Cinder. Their lives together continued on, both of them serving as the other's better half, their relationship staying a happy one for years to come.
It was a shame that all his friends were too busy to come visit, though. At least, that was what Cinder had reported – that they were all busy living lives as professional Huntsmen and Huntresses, so busy that they couldn't ever come visit ever again. That was disappointing, but he could live with it – after how they had spoken of Cinder, he was probably better off without toxic people like them in his life.
Jaune pondered all this and more as he lay awake at night, staring up at the ceiling. Next to him, Cinder slept peacefully, occasionally murmuring something in her sleep before nestling closer into his side. His expression softened, and he leaned in to give her a soft kiss on the forehead before closing his eyes and trying to fall asleep.
Evil Cinder… man, that's still ridiculous. Where did they come up with that, anyway?
Just as unconsciousness began to creep up on him, he could have sworn that he heard a noise emanate from deep from the bowels of the castle, one that sounded suspiciously like an anguished scream…
Damn creaky pipes, he thought to himself.
Sure, that made no sense, since the castle had no pipes in the first place. But it was the only real explanation, because the only alternative was that his friends hadn't gone back to Vale, that they were actually locked in the basement, which was actually a torture chamber rather than a BDSM chamber, and that Salem and Cinder were actually evil all along.
But that was crazy, so instead he blamed it on the pipes and his overactive imagination.
After all, Cinder was so sweet. No way she could have ever actually killed someone. No, the worst thing about her was that she was a chuuni.
But she was his chuuni, and nothing would ever change that.
Well, that got really out of hand.
So there's the first sequel chapter. I think this is going to end up being the point where the stuff with Cinder ends – I don't really want to drag out characters for too long, and this seems like a good point to stop for her. I've pretty much said my piece with everything related to Cinder.
I think it will probably also be a while before I do another sequel chapter. I have a few other characters I want to tackle, both regular and R63, so sequels will have to wait.
In other news, I have now decided that I am declaring jihad on chapter 2, because it sucks major ballsack. It will be revisited and fixed, inshallah. Currently it's the only chapter I plan to straight-up revisit, because while some of the other chapters may have highs and lows, for the most part I'm pretty satisfied with them – personally, chapter 2 is the only one I can point to and say, "Yeah, that didn't work at all". So expect a new Ruby chapter at some point, probably one going by the name of "The Ruby Chapter You Actually Wanted" or something. The original chapter 2 will stay up for posterity's sake, but don't expect a sequel to it or anything.
Besides that, I've got nothing else. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go listen to the new Havok album again, because it's an absolute banger, holy shit. It's like 'Rust In Peace' and '...And Justice For All' had filthy unprotected sex and one of them gave birth to 'V'. Havok isn't my favorite thrash band (ain't nothing gonna ever top Coroner), but they're up there.
Next update: Saturday, May 16.