Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 14: Yang, or: Laying the Dragon
Jaune hadn't exactly expected dating Yang to be easy. He wasn't so stupid to think that being able to call a bombshell like her his girlfriend would come without a catch.
"Yeah, buddy!"
He just wished that said catch wasn't so emasculating.
Next to him, Yang loudly exhaled a few times as she swung her arms back and forth. Everyone else in the gym was staring at her like she was some kind of annoying douchebag… which, he noted, she sort of was, at least with how she was acting.
His eyes traveled down to the barbell resting at her feet. She had loaded it with every plate from the squat rack and every plate from the leg press, for extra douchebaggery. Most of the people here probably thought there was no way she would be able to move it even an inch off the ground. Jaune knew better, though.
Unfortunately.
She turned to him, flashing him a grin. "Remember, Jaune-"
"I know, I know – don't spot you."
"Yup! Don't want to risk you getting hurt." She turned back to the barbell and exhaled a few more times. "Light weight, baby!" she shouted. "Let's goooooooo!"
Jaune sighed as she bent down and put both her hands on the bar. Normally, he would have taken the opportunity to look at her ass, but he didn't even care at this point; he was too embarrassed to even try.
"Time to put your mind to it! Yeah, baby! Woooooooo! Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift this heavy-ass weight! I'll do it, though!"
Jaune facepalmed. "Babe, can you just lift the weight already? People are starting to stare."
"Let them!" Yang replied. She exhaled once more. "Light weight, baby! Light weight!"
She bent her knees until the bar almost touched her shins, then began to lift, pulling the bar up and pressing her legs down until the barbell passed her knees. Once it did, she thrust her hips forward, pausing for a few seconds before lowering the weight back to the ground with a loud yell. It was a picture-perfect deadlift.
It was also a fuckton more than what he could do. Embarrassing didn't even begin to describe it.
It was an abstract, almost existential kind of pain, being absolutely mogged by your girlfriend.
Wiping sweat from her brow, Yang turned to him, panting. A large smirk was plastered on her face.
"What do you think, Lover Boy?"
Jaune felt like sighing. He stopped himself from doing so, knowing that it would upset her. Instead, he forced himself to grin.
"Very impressive."
Her smirk widened. "Ah, it was nothing. Now, let's see what you can do."
Despite his best efforts, his grin faded. He looked over to the bar, sighing when he did. "Right..."
Man, this was embarrassing. And for one of the easier lifts, too – deadlifts were heavy, sure, but they were pretty straightforward, nothing like some of the other compound lifts she had him doing. Out of all of them, Jaune thought the clean and jerk was the worst, both because of how exhausting it was and because of how much Yang mogged him on it.
Basically, she was doing a stupid amount of weight for her clean and jerk, while he… well, to put it simply, he much preferred to jerk and then clean, if you catch his drift.
That is to say, he hated clean and jerk and was only repping one plate on it, like a little bitch.
But at least it wasn't barbell lunges or overhead press, because fuck barbell lunges and overhead press.
Yang turned back to the bar, humming as she began to pull plates off of it. Clearly, she didn't think anything was wrong, but that wasn't her fault – Jaune had never once brought it up to her, and not because he was afraid of how she would react.
Rather, it was simply embarrassing to admit that your girlfriend was tougher than you.
He was tempted to say 'more masculine', but that was something Yang actually would take offense to… for some reason. Experience had taught him as much.
It had been one of the bigger mistakes he had made in his relationship with her, but in his defense, there weren't many other descriptors he could have used when he realized she had nicer abs than he did.
Not to say that said abs weren't appreciated, of course – Yang was, after all, just his type: muscular, athletic, curvy… outgoing. They were certainly an odd couple, as everyone who saw them holding hands made sure to comment. Even the teachers didn't seem to get it.
Luckily Yang's dad didn't have a problem with him. That meeting may have gone extremely well, but it was for all the wrong reasons.
"This is the guy? I mean, I was worried when I heard you were dating someone at Beacon, but he looks like you could break him in half. Sure, I'm cool with him so long as he doesn't treat you badly. In any case, I'm not worried anymore. Have fun, kids."
Mr. Xiao Long may have approved in his own weird and backhanded way, but it did little to boost Jaune's confidence. Honestly, Yang was too good for him. She was hot, she was outgoing, and she was even tougher than he was. There just wasn't much that he brought to the table.
Sighing, Jaune took his place above the bar. Next to him, Yang frowned.
"Something wrong, Lover Boy?"
Yes. "No."
"C'mon, you know you can tell me! I won't judge. What's on your mind?"
That was another thing about Yang – she was good at reading people. Like, really good. Either that or he was just easy to read… huh. Suddenly, it made sense why his dad never let him play during the Arc family poker night anymore.
You lose a couple hundred lien to the family down the street and you never live it down. Who would have thought? It was only June's college money. Honestly, it was their fault for being drunk enough to let a fourteen-year-old play a hand.
Shaking that thought from his head, Jaune turned back to his girlfriend, putting on a fake smile. "Oh, I was just… wondering when I would be able to lift as much as you."
"Well, with the rate you're lifting? Probably a few years."
Well, that was disheartening.
"That's actually really good, you know."
Oh, damn, he said that out loud. "What's so good about it?"
"Well, normally it'd take a lot longer to get there. But you've got a lot of aura, so that will really help cut down the time it takes to start lifting really heavy."
She beckoned him closer, then whispered into his ear. "Also, you know what they say about guys with a lot of aura."
Oh, he did. She only told him that whenever they spent the night together.
Unfortunately, that also involved her telling everybody else in the dorm. Yang was the least subtle person in Beacon, and her sex life was no exception.
He felt a sudden pressure on his ass, and heard Yang chuckle. Oh yeah, that was a thing, too – Yang was aggressive in bed. She really liked to be in control and assert her dominance.
Still, it wouldn't hurt to ask, just in case she changed her mind this time. If nothing else, his pelvis would appreciate the effort.
"Can I be on top this time?"
"Not until you can squat 800."
Well, that would be a lot easier if his pelvis wasn't constantly being broken.
"Just for that, I'm going to go twice as hard tonight."
Damn it, he really needed to make sure he kept his thoughts to himself. Sighing, Jaune settled into deadlift position, quietly apologizing to his hips the whole time.
The worst day of the week was always the day after leg day. The pain from leg day didn't set in until the day after, and even with aura, it was still highly uncomfortable at best.
That night, Jaune laid in bed, tossing and turning as he tried his best to make the pain in his thighs die down. Apparently, it got better with experience and practice, but for a new lifter such as him, it was unbearable. To make matters worse, it was a school night, meaning he would have to suffer through the next day like this as well. So, a day of school starting with Port's class, then going into Oobleck's class, all while his legs screamed in agony and he tried his best not to pass out because he didn't get enough sleep the night before. Jaune may not have believed in the Gods beyond taking their names in vain when he was pissed, but he was pretty sure that he now had a good idea what Hell was like.
After about an hour of tossing and turning, Jaune finally managed to find a position that felt comfortable. He sighed, then pulled his covers over himself and closed his eyes, doing his best to fall asleep.
He was just about to drift off when he heard the door open.
Oh, come on!
He was just about to turn and tell whoever was trying to break into his room to piss off when he heard them approach him, then stop at the foot of his bed.
"Jaune, you up?"
Oh, it was just Yang. Jaune sighed, then turned to face her, wincing as he did so.
"Yeah, I'm up. Something wrong?"
She bit her lip. "...Can't sleep."
He blinked. What did she want him to do about it? This was like a kid waking up their parents because they had a nightmare. What, was he supposed to get her some warm milk or something? Hell, with those tits and that semblance, she could literally get herself a glass of warm milk!
That being said, he still had a duty as her boyfriend to do something, even if he didn't know what that something was.
"How can I help?
"...Could I sleep with you for tonight?"
Jaune felt his heart skip a beat. "...You, uh, want to sleep together?"
"Yes."
"Like, with everyone else in the room?"
"Not like that, idiot! I meant sleeping together as in literally sleeping together!"
"Oh. Well, I guess, though the bed's a little-"
She didn't wait to hear more, instead climbing into bed with him. Jaune felt himself be pushed to the very edge of the mattress in the process.
"-Small," he finished.
Yang flashed him a small smile. "Thanks, Lover Boy."
She kissed him on the cheek, and Jaune felt his heart melt. Okay, this wasn't so bad.
"Goodnight, Yang."
"Goodnight, Jaune."
With that, he turned on his side and closed his eyes, once again trying to drift off.
He had almost made it when he felt Yang wrap her arms around his waist and pull him close.
"...Uh, Yang?"
"Yes?"
"What are you doing?"
"Spooning."
"...But I'm the small spoon right now."
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, shouldn't I be the big spoon? I mean, I'm the guy."
"Oh, don't worry about it – I actually like being the big spoon."
That wasn't what he meant, but as long as she was happy, he guessed he was fine. There was one big problem, though.
"Yang, you're hot."
She giggled. "Gee, aren't you a lady killer?"
"No, I mean you're literally hot, like I'm sweating up a storm here. I don't think-"
"Jaune, what's more important? Me or having to do some laundry tomorrow?"
Well, she had him there. He sighed. "...Alright, fine, I'll just sleep without covers. Won't need 'em anyway."
"That's the spirit!"
With that, Jaune threw all the covers over her, leaving himself with nothing except his girlfriend's body heat. Even then, it was still too much – at this point, his bed felt like the sun in a pizza oven.
Damn semblance…
Still, it was manageable. He would do anything to keep her happy, and this was no exception. Closing his eyes, Jaune once again tried to fall asleep.
"Hey, Jaune?"
He sighed tiredly. "Yes, Yang?"
"Do you love me?"
"You know I do."
"...Can you promise me something, then?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Promise me you won't leave. Promise me this will be forever."
Well, shit, that was a tough one. As much as he loved Yang, they hadn't been dating for more than a few months, and they were still just teenagers. Forever was a very long time when you both weren't even eighteen yet.
Jaune hesitated. "I-"
"Promise me!" Yang said frantically. She sniffled. "I c-can't… can't have someone else I love abandon me..."
Oh, come on, this was just unfair. What was he supposed to do, say that this was probably just a teenage relationship that wouldn't last? Sure, it was honest, but it was also the biggest dick move he could possibly do. Doing that would make him into a pariah overnight. Literally the only way he could ever get away with it is if he was a hot girl, in which case there would no doubt be an army of simps insisting that this hypothetical she-Jaune had done nothing wrong, but do you really think someone would do that? Just make a terrible character who did terrible things and still insist that everything was okay with her? Come on, his life may have been a complete joke, but even he wasn't written that poorly. He hadn't quite reached Blake levels yet, and he was intent on staying that way.
That aside, it was also highly likely to end with him getting clobbered, which was another reason to avoid it.
Jaune swallowed nervously. "Y-yeah, babe. Forever and a day, and all that..."
He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. Next to him, Yang sighed happily.
"Thanks, Jaune. I love you."
"L-love you too, Yang."
Oh Gods, what had he just signed up for? What next, was she going to start naming their kids? Drawing up wedding plans, maybe? Hell, what if she actually proposed to him? She certainly seemed like the kind of girl who would do it – she was, after all, the one to approach him and ask him out, and that was a big enough hit to his masculinity. If she was the one to propose, he would never hear the end of it.
Why was he thinking that far ahead, anyway? They were both seventeen! This wasn't some bad rom-com, where teenage romance lasts forever! This was real life! His mom had even told him that his first girlfriend wouldn't be his last girlfriend! He had a breakup speech prepared and everything, just in case!
Jaune sighed. This was getting out of hand. As much as he loved Yang, something was going to have to be done.
She suddenly let out a small snore, then shifted, pressing her breasts against his back. Jaune paused when he realized that she wasn't wearing a bra.
...Okay, something would be done. Just… you know, not tonight. And probably not the next night, or the one after that.
Damn my teenage hormones and my love for big titties.
He just couldn't help it. It was a well-known fact of life that all straight men and all gay women at Beacon couldn't get enough of Yang's chest… or, as it was known among the general student body, the Holy Land. A crude descriptor, but not an inaccurate one – he had, after all, seen them uncovered, and he would certainly liken it to a holy experience.
With a sigh, he closed his eyes, and once again waited for sleep to take him. Just before he drifted off, a random thought occurred to him.
Somehow, I feel like my love for big breasts is going to be my undoing.
"Remind me again why we're here?"
Yang lightly cuffed him on the shoulder, a grin on her face. "Lighten up, Lover Boy – we're just here to have a good time."
Apparently, they had different definitions of the phrase 'good time'. Jaune's was more in line with eating sugary breakfast cereal, staying up late, and playing video games. And if their current location was any indication, Yang's was more in-line with going to seedy bars, dancing to ear-bursting music, and slamming alcoholic beverages.
At the thought of that last part, Jaune stared at the glass in front of him. Both of them were underage, but of course that hadn't stopped Yang at all – she had immediately ordered a Strawberry Sunrise (with one of the little umbrellas, of course – he couldn't forget to mention that; the bartender certainly hadn't) and then told Jaune to order something, anything he wanted, because it was on the house.
He had been prepared to argue that, but the bartender had quickly assured him that it was true, though the dirty look he sent Yang's way only confirmed that this was anything but goodwill on his part.
Still, not wanting to squander this opportunity and/or spit in the face of his hot girlfriend's "generosity", Jaune had decided to order something… and had immediately been faced with the problem of what to order, because he didn't know shit about alcohol. His first instinct was to order the same thing that Yang had, but he had quickly buried that somewhere deep in his mind – she was already manlier than him in every other aspect except dick size, and the last thing he wanted was to add taste in alcoholic beverages to that list. So instead, he had opted for something his father was fond of: a smoked old fashioned, whatever the hell it was.
The first indication that he had made a mistake was when the glass arrived smelling a bit like a cigar. The second indication was when he had taken a sip from it and immediately had to force it down, followed by sputtering and gasping for air.
How did people drink this stuff for fun? It was like swallowing a mouthful of rubbing alcohol somebody had dumped a cigarette butt into, with an admittedly somewhat pleasant citrusy aftertaste. Thankfully, Yang hadn't seen him do it, distracted as she was by chugging her fourth Sunrise; he wasn't sure he could deal with the ribbing she would give him if she had noticed.
Sparing one last drink at his glass, Jaune pushed it away, though that was probably a mistake as the bartender gave him a very nasty look in the process. Jaune only noticed it for a second before he felt an arm loop around his shoulders, followed by breath on his ear.
"Hey~"
He sighed tiredly. "Yes, Yang?"
"I j-jus- hic – wanna say, you-you're the best," she said.
"Thank you, Yang," he deadpanned.
"N-nah, I mean it," she added. "Y'see, all these other peeps, they go and just leave. They just leave."
Oh, great – it was time for the abandonment issues talk again. Well, might as well settle in for it.
"M-my mom, is a huge bitch," Yang growled. "She just left me, y'know?"
"I know."
"Yeah, y'know. Didn' even pay child support or nuthin'. Makes me real sad… n' mad. Might have to go punch something later."
He hoped to the Gods that it was a pillow this time. Last time it had been Pyrrha's special coffee maker (it burned Yang's hand so she punched it), and you did not want to see a Pyrrha who hadn't had her special Mistralian coffee blend in the morning – not only did she pound Team CRDL into the dirt during Combat Class, but even more heinous for her, she didn't even say sorry afterwards. Truly an out-of-character moment for the ages.
Yang suddenly sniffled, and Jaune sighed.
"Come here," he said.
She quickly settled into his lap, and he froze. Okay, not what he meant, but he wouldn't complain. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he said, "Yang, you know I love you."
"I know."
"And you know I would never leave you."
"I know."
"Okay. Just wanted to make that clear."
She nodded, then stared into his eyes. Suddenly, she giggled, causing him to raise an eyebrow.
"What's funny?"
"N-nuthin', I just realized… You look like my dad!"
Oh, great – he was hoping he could go his whole life without someone pointing that out.
"So, does that mean I can call you Daddy now?"
Specifically because of that reason.
"Do that and I actually will leave."
Her jaw dropped. She quickly slugged him in the chest, causing him to grunt. "Jerk!" she said, crossing her arms and turning away. "Don't joke about that!"
"S-sorry..." he wheezed.
Thankfully, her bad mood disappeared as quickly as it came. "Ah, that's okay – you didn' mean it! C'mere!"
And then, before he could do anything, she planted a sloppy kiss on his lips. Yang held him there for a few seconds before pulling away, a sultry look in her eye.
"W-what's say-" She hiccuped. "-You and I go in back for some… uh…" She scratched her head, searching for the right term. Finally, she shrugged. "Fuck it, I wanna have sexual relations!"
"I'm not carrying a condom on me."
"Then put it in my ass!"
A tempting offer, however there was one problem. "I don't have any lube."
"It's fiiiine; my semblance is fueled by damage! A little painal won't be a problem for me, so come ooooon!"
Yeah, that wasn't happening; if there was one thing he had learned about Yang, it was that she tended to bite off more than she could chew, like the first time she had ever tried deepthroating him. Sure, she could claim she didn't have a gag reflex, but then again, she hadn't seen what he had been packing.
Sounds like a good time, right? Yeah, no. It's all fun and games until your girl tries taking you down to the balls, only to end up sprinting to the bathroom because it turns out she's not nearly as capable as her favorite porn star.
He wasn't sure who 'XxXC0ldH3artH0tL0v3XxX69XxXHateJacquesGele8==D~' was, but them and their incredibly attractive flowing white hair could go fuck themselves for making it look so easy.
Then again, she seems to do that for a living, if those videos Yang shows me are any indication.
And that was another problem – you'd think that having a girlfriend who invited you over to watch porn and masturbate with her would be awesome, but it ended up being awkward more than anything. Thankfully the awkwardness only tended to last as long as it took for them to get fed up with jerking it and just start fucking instead, but still, that didn't make the first minute and a half of sexy times any more bearable.
Gently shrugging his girlfriend's arm off his shoulder, Jaune fixed her with a harsh stare. "You're drunk, Yang."
She simply giggled. "That obvious, huh?" Leaning in, she rested her head on his shoulder, pouting at him. "C'mon, Jaune – I'm sooooo horny."
Good Gods, this was hard, and not just in the figurative sense. Still, he had his principles, and he wasn't about to sleep with Yang when she was drunk – it just didn't feel right of him to do.
"Look, why don't we just head back to Beacon?" he offered. "I think you need to sleep for a bit."
"Only if you sleep with me!"
He rolled his eyes. "Fine, but I get to be the big spoon this time."
"Oh, is that so? Well, I'm not that – hic – drunk, so you'll have to fight me for it!"
He was doubtful that she would even remember saying that in the next few minutes, but sure, he would agree to it if it meant getting her out of the club and into a nice warm bed.
Stepping off of his barstool, he moved over to Yang, slinging her arm over his shoulder and letting her lean on him as he started to walk.
"C'mon, babe – let's get you back to Beacon."
She merely giggled in response, resting her head on his shoulder. Jaune rolled his eyes, but found a small grin crossing his face nonetheless.
It faded when a bunch of suited men stepped in front of him, blocking his way out.
Immediately, he paused. "Uh, Yang?"
"Yeees, Lover Boy?"
"How come these Agent Smith-looking guys are stopping us from leaving?"
"That would be my doing," the bartender said, stepping into view. He folded his arms across his chest, and glared at the two of them from behind his sunglasses.
"Ah," Jaune said. "...You, ah, got a reason for that, or…?"
"Obviously. What, you think I make it a habit to just stop young women from leaving?"
"...Kind of? I mean, you've got those two scantily-clad twins, so..."
"They're my enforcers!"
"Is that what we're calling it these days?"
One of the girls in question – the one in white, with long hair – scowled at him, taking a step forward. Instantly, Jaune took a step back, swallowing nervously… though it was unneeded, as Yang moved in front of him, scowling.
"Hands off the merchandise, sisters," the blonde threatened. "That's my man."
Wow, that was actually kind of sweet of her. He was honestly flattered.
"I'm the only one who gets to dom him."
Never mind.
The bartender cleared his throat. "Look, can we get this show on the road already? I'd like to start beating you up now."
"As if," Yang said with a scoff. "Now c'mere so I can crush your balls."
"Ha! So you think. Unfortunately for you, I have a secret weapon – an athletic cup! What do you think of that, Xiao Long?"
Yang blinked in surprise before raising one of her gauntlets and firing a slug directly at Junior's crotch. He stood there and took it, and for a moment everything was fine… until it wasn't. A second passed before he was on the ground in a ball, whimpering and clutching at his groin.
Yeah, he probably should have expected that – much like wearing a bulletproof vest, aura and a cup wasn't enough to fully protect from the sensation of being shot in such a sensitive area. It would have been sad if it wasn't so funny and so well-deserved.
"Somebody… kill them..." Junior wheezed.
Oh, come on! What did he do, besides come here with the wrong person? What, did she blow up the bar or something?
"This is for blowing up the bar!" one of the men shouted, whipping a pistol out from inside his suit.
Fuck me, I hate being right, Jaune mused as bullets started flying.
Naturally, he was out of his element very quickly. Jaune may not have been as bad as he was at the start of the semester, but he wasn't good either, and he certainly didn't know what to do against an entire onslaught of dudes trying to gun him down… unlike Yang, who seemed to be having the time of her life, bouncing from bad guy to bad guy, knocking them out as fast as she got to them. Apparently, being drunk did more than just drain her of all inhibitions – it also supercharged her semblance something fierce, if the craters she was leaving in the floor and walls were any indication.
Well, that was that handled, then. As he watched Yang literally beat a man with another man, he allowed himself to relax slightly, figuring the situation was out of control. Unfortunately, there were two factors he didn't count on.
A tap on his shoulder startled him, causing him to whip around with his sword and shield at the ready. Thankfully, it was just the twins, and neither one seemed intent on trying to kill him at the moment, much to his surprise.
"Uh, can I help you?" he asked.
They just giggled in response. "I think I like this one, Melanie," the girl in red said.
"He is pretty cute, Miltia," the one in white observed.
Well, that was flattering. Unfortunately, he knew exactly what they were trying to pull.
"I'm not breaking up with Yang," he deadpanned.
"Why not?!" Miltia complained. "We're way better than blondie!"
"Sorry, but she makes me happy."
"We can make you happy, too! What, is it because she's a dom, and that's rare in a woman?" Melanie proclaimed.
"Uh..."
"Well, we can be way bigger doms!" Miltia added.
"That's not-"
"It's true!" Melanie protested. Scanning him up and down, she nodded. "Yeah, come on in back and we'll show you."
Tempting offer, but of course he was going to have to refuse. "Sorry, but no."
"You know, most guys know when not to play hard-to-get," Miltia observed.
"I'm not playing hard-to-get, I'm trying to outright refuse whatever you're offering. And you're making it pretty easy with how forceful you're being."
"Don't you like dominant women?"
"You don't really get a choice with Yang, you know."
The two exchanged a glance with each other before turning back to him. "...So that's a yes, then," Miltia said. "Otherwise you wouldn't stay with her."
...Okay, maybe it was a guilty pleasure of his; it was hard to complain that a girl was too dominant when she was in the process of pinning you down and riding you like a pony.
"Obviously, that's the case," Melanie said, nodding. "Therefore, we need to be even more dominant."
Alright, this was going on too far. One more misstep and he was going to stop playing nice and just call Yang over already.
"Miltia, get the strap-on."
That did it.
"YANG, HELP! THE CREEPY FEMDOM TWINS WANT MY ASS!" Jaune shouted.
With a roar, Yang launched herself at the twins, the three of them colliding in a massive explosion before devolving into a full-on brawl. Jaune took the opportunity to slink away and watch from afar. Sure, he could have tried to jump in and help her… but as he watched Yang suplex Miltia into Melanie, he decided that the worst possible thing he could do was interrupt her fun.
Thankfully, it was over as soon as it started. The club was demolished, but Yang was victorious. She stood over her fallen enemies, all of them having been brutalized. The blonde brawler was panting heavily and dripping with sweat.
Tentatively, Jaune approached her. "Uh, Yang? You okay?"
Immediately, she snapped to face him, a tired yet satisfied look on her face that only lit up even more when she saw him. "Yang okay!"
Oh, great – she was talking like a caveman. That could only mean one thing.
"Uh, that's great," Jaune said, taking a fright-filled step backwards. "L-listen, the fight's over, so you can come off your adrenaline high now."
It was no use – instead, she scanned him over like he was a piece of meat, then slowly licked her lips.
"Yang want celebrate winning fight by breaking boyfriend in half," she declared.
And there it was. Unfortunately for him, there was only one way to deal with an adrenaline-high Yang, and that was to just give in. If there was one thing he had learned, it was that running just made things worse – she would catch you, the sex would happen, so you might as well save your energy and try to keep up.
That's what he gets for dating a meathead, he supposed.
Sighing, Jaune just nodded. "Okay, let's do it."
That was all she needed to pounce on him. Thankfully, it wasn't all bad – at least now he could cross 'Having sex with a drunk, hotheaded, out-of-it blonde in the middle of a destroyed bar and surrounded by unconscious people she just beat the shit out of' off his bucket list.
He just hoped Junior didn't mind paying for stain removal on top of renovations, because this was going to be a messy one.
"So, I think I should mention that it's pretty big. Gotta be nine-and-a-half, ten inches? Hard to tell, but it definitely feels big when it's inside me. Quite girthy, too."
Jaune groaned, slamming his head into the cafeteria table as he wished that he was anywhere but here.
Another thing about Yang was that she had absolutely no shame. She would gladly talk about anything if she thought it would be funny, up to and including the nights the two of them spent together.
And judging by the mortified reactions on nearly everyone's face, as well as her smug grin, she was getting exactly what she wanted.
"Can you please not talk about this while we're eating?" Weiss said, a disgusted look on her face.
"Someone's a bit jealous~" Yang teased.
"Wha- jealous?! Of you?! Why would I ever be jealous of you?!"
"Easy: because despite all your fame and fortune, I'm the only one out of the two of us thatcan actually get a man."
"T-that's…!" Weiss huffed, crossing her arms. "I'll have you know that I could get a man if I wanted."
"Okay, so do it."
"...Right now?"
"Yeah. Prove me wrong."
"...I don't want to."
"Sounds an awful lot like 'I can't'."
"I can!"
"Jaune, back me up."
And there it was. Whenever she got into a ridiculous argument, Yang tended to call on him for backup for some reason. Normally he would have just sat back, but now that they were sleeping together, he felt obligated to help her out whenever she asked.
"She's got you dead to rights, Weiss."
"What?! Jaune, you tried to ask me out!"
"Yeah, but then I found someone better."
"Aww!" Yang said, leaning in and smooching him on the cheek. "See that, Weiss? That's romance." She smirked. "And, if I must say, it's also your loss, and I'm not just talking about our argument."
The heiress threw her hands up in exasperation. "That's it, I'm eating on the roof."
She walked off. Yang watched her go, then pumped her fist in victory.
This was actually a daily occurrence for the two of them – Yang made it a point to annoy Weiss at least once a day, as revenge for how the heiress had treated Jaune when he tried to ask her out. Jaune, for his part, had tried to get her to stop… half-heartedly.
Hey, he may have liked Weiss, but she could be a cold-hearted bitch sometimes. Maybe being taunted by Yang would help her warm up a bit.
At that thought, he groaned. Yang, it seemed, was rubbing off on him… and not just in bed. Damn my girlfriend and her terrible jokes.
Across from them, Blake cleared her throat. Jaune noticed that she was holding a pad of paper in her hand, along with a pen. Both her hands were shaking, and she had a luminescent blush on her face. "S-so… what happened next?"
Yang grinned widely. "Why, I thought you'd never ask!"
"What?!" Ruby shouted, still desperately trying to shake Ren's hands off her ears. It was no use, though – at the same time, Nora had her in a headlock, and the hammer-wielder's grip was iron-clad.
It was probably a bit overkill, but Jaune wasn't about to bring that up to Yang. Despite how crazy Yang could get in bed and how little she cared about whether the whole school knew about it, the one thing she wanted to avoid was ruining her sister's innocence.
Never mind that it was a battle that had been lost before it had even started, because according to Ruby herself, she had gone through sex ed just like everyone else and therefore knew how it all worked already, but none of them wanted to bring that up to Yang. One time, Cardin had purposely tried to push Yang's buttons by leaving a porn mag on Ruby's desk, presumably because he was upset that she had humiliated him in a spar.
That had been weeks ago, and he was still walking around wearing a cup, just in case Yang came after him again.
Idly, Jaune silently thanked the Gods that Yang used her nut-demolishing powers for good rather than evil, and also that she was pretty vanilla in bed and very much didn't like cock-and-ball torture. It would probably have been a deal breaker if she had been into that.
'Probably' because the Holy Land was very good at convincing him to stick around. As far as he was concerned, taking a shot or five to the nuts would be worth getting to motorboat Yang every night. But thankfully he didn't have to go through that, so it was a win-win.
...But still, if she ever tried to float the idea, he would definitely have to weigh the pain of getting kicked in the dick with the pain of not being able to fuck the hottest blonde in Beacon.
Anyway, ignoring her sister's comment, Yang turned towards her partner. "So, like I was saying, it's pretty big, right? Like, I'm no gynecologist, but I'm pretty sure I can feel it hitting against my cervix with every thrust."
Jaune was pretty sure that was actually supposed to be extremely painful, despite what his animated Mistralian pornographic cartoons tried to tell him.
Blake had stars in her eyes. "J-just like one of my Mistralian erotic books!" she breathed as she scribbled something down on her paper.
Not that Blake cared, degenerate pervert she was.
Pyrrha fidgeted slightly in her seat. "Y-Yang, I don't know if this is appropriate..."
"Of course it isn't appropriate, that's why it's so fun!" Yang proclaimed. "So, anyway..."
Jaune tuned the rest of his girlfriend's story out, instead sending his partner an apologetic look. Pyrrha was clearly mortified and embarrassed about this whole situation – why, if Jaune didn't know any better, he'd say that she was on the verge of tears. Poor girl; he'd have to make it up to her somehow. Maybe he could let her wear his hoodie? He had walked in on her wearing it once, which would have been weird, but it was such an exceptionally cozy piece of clothing that he didn't blame her for it.
Though, for some reason, it smelled like sex after he got it back, which was weird because he had never worn it when he was in bed with Yang.
Come to think of it, it was also weird that Pyrrha had been wearing it in the bathroom…
Ah well, he was sure that there was a logical explanation for it, even if he wasn't sure what it was.
Across from him, Ruby let out a loud grunt of exertion as she once again tried to shake Nora off of her. Jaune just sighed.
"Might as well give it a rest, Crater Face – Yang bribed Nora with sap from the Forever Fall, so she's not about to let you go until Yang gives the word."
"What?!"
Again, he sighed.
Was it too much to ask for just one normal day at Beacon?
Apparently, if the next day was any indication, it was.
Breakfast had passed by without incident. That should have been enough of a hint that Yang was planning something crazy; Jaune had been dating her for long enough that he knew if she didn't periodically do something outrageous, that it would build up until the pressure became too much for her to bear and she blew her top – sometimes literally, to his delight – in some ludicrous situation that got them both in trouble.
His second hint should have been when she had sent him a text shortly before Combat Class, requesting that the two of them sit together in one of the upper rows, towards the back of the classroom. Jaune had seen enough cliché teen movies to know that nothing good ever happened in the upper rows, but he wasn't dumb enough to say no to his girlfriend – his love life had been nothing but years of getting rejected and occasionally pepper sprayed by girls he tried to ask out, and he wasn't about to screw up his relationship with one of the hottest girls in school by pissing her off.
Also, he knew that Yang had a complex or something about people turning their backs on her due to her family problems, and the last thing he wanted was to exacerbate said complex by doing exactly that. After all, it'd be a pretty shitty thing for him to do if he just up and left an emotionally vulnerable girl when he knew that was her biggest fear. He'd especially have to be a real asshole to do that to the girl he loved and had spent months basically living with, sharing their biggest secrets, desires, and vulnerabilities with each other.
Huh. How come he felt like punching Blake in the face all of a sudden?
Pushing that thought away, Jaune focused on Combat Class. He was still apprehensive about it, but honestly, how bad could it be? Yang did crazy stuff, sure, but she knew his tolerance limits… for the most part.
He wasn't sure what had possessed her to try and have sex while riding Bumblebee, nor was he sure what had come over him to accept such a ridiculous proposal, but that had been months ago, and he still had road rash on his ass. Never again.
Anyway, Goodwitch's class had started the same as it always did – with her calling two saps down to duke it out while the rest of the class cheered them on and also took under-the-table bets on who would win. How Goodwitch didn't realize that was going on, he had no idea. Maybe she was in on it or something.
"Hey, Jaune."
Jaune exhaled through his nose. "Yes, Yang?"
"Try not to be too loud."
"What are you- ah!"
He suddenly clamped his hand over his mouth to keep from crying out any louder. Horrified, he looked down at his groin, only to see that Yang was rubbing him through his pants. He glanced over at her, only to see her with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face.
"I warned you~"
"W-what are you – ah! – d-doing?!"
"Getting you off, obviously."
"W-we're in Combat- mmph!"
She giggled. "Yeah, that's what I like to hear. Be a good boy and moan for me, babe."
"Are you crazy?!" Jaune whispered. "What if we get caught?"
"We won't if you keep it down. Besides, don't act like you aren't loving this."
He wasn't. This was a boner of fear, not arousal. If Goodwitch caught them, that would be it. He would probably be expelled, and Yang… well, he wasn't sure, but somehow he doubted that she would have too much trouble.
If there was one thing Jaune Arc had learned during his time at Beacon, it was that he couldn't get away with anything, no matter how small.
...Not that any part of this was small, mind; he was at least a hundred and thirty percent erect right now. But still.
He felt Yang start to tug on his zipper and suddenly clamped his hand around her wrist, stopping her. "No!"
She blinked. "Okay, so you want to jizz in your pants?"
"I don't want to jizz period right now! Can't you wait until after class?!"
"I could, but where's the fun in that?" She pouted. "You know, I was kind of hoping you'd try to get me off at the same time. I mean, I figured you probably wouldn't, but if nothing else I thought you'd be smart enough to at least enjoy the free handjob."
Normally, he did – Yang's handjobs were godlike. Damn, her right hand was amazing. Hopefully nothing bad happened to it in the near future.
Bit of an odd thought, but for some reason he couldn't imagine, it seemed weirdly appropriate.
"It's tough to enjoy it when it's happening in the middle of class!" he protested.
"Well, if it's so tough to enjoy, then why are you so hard?"
"That's not how it works, Yang! The D has a mind of its own! Let go!"
"Quit being a baby and pull your damn pants down!"
"No!"
"Look, unless you want to cum in your pants-"
"As opposed to what, cumming on the bottom of the desk?!"
"...Well, given the two options-"
"No, Yang!"
"Mister Arc!" Professor Goodwitch shouted, making both of them freeze. Slowly, they turned to face her. She glared at them both sternly. "If you're done doing whatever it is you're doing with Miss Xiao Long, would you kindly hurry up and report to the center of the ring?"
Jaune felt his heart skip a beat. "...Uh, why do you need me down there?"
Goodwitch sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Because the randomizer picked you as one of the combatants."
Jaune glanced up at the monitor. Sure enough, there was his name on one end. Normally, he'd relish in the inevitable incoming asskicking since it would earn him a sympathy BJ or three from his hot big tiddy blonde biker GF, but there was a not-so-small problem going on in his pants at the moment.
Goodwitch tapped her foot impatiently. "Now, why don't you stop wasting everyone's time and get down here?"
Uh oh. "Uh… can I have a minute?"
"No."
Well, this was bad. He either stayed seated and risked pissing Goodwitch off even more, or he stood up and let everyone know that they were all going to have six more weeks of winter.
Given the options, his choice was obvious.
Think, Jaune! Boner repellent! Dead kittens! That time you walked in on Mom sucking off Dad when you were nine! Turning your head and coughing during the school physical! Old women! Really old women, with missing eyes and a tin of cashews! Port in a Speedo!
"Mister Arc, get down here right now or else!"
Well, he tried. He cast a glance over at Yang, telling her that he would have his revenge at some point in the future. To her credit, she seemed apologetic. Sighing, Jaune accepted his fate and stood up.
The entire class went dead silent. Even Professor Goodwitch paused, staring at him in open-mouthed shock. Pyrrha blushed heavily and started to rub her legs together. The mute girl from Mistral held up a sign that said 'Why do I hear boss music'. Scarlet fanned himself rapidly and said 'Oh, my~'. For a moment, everything seemed okay.
Then Nora broke the silence.
"Hey Jauney, is that a sword in your pants, or is that a massive erection in your pants, which would be totally inappropriate and awkward given the current situation?"
Damn it, Nora.
Laughter broke out throughout the entire class. Jaune felt the last vestiges of his soul wither up and die along with the remnants of his reputation.
Not that he had much of a reputation to begin with given his win/loss record in Combat Class, but still.
Professor Goodwitch cleared her throat. "Y-yes, well… if you could just report to the arena, Mister Arc..."
Jaune sighed, then began to walk down towards the center of the room, holding his head high despite being surrounded by jeering classmates, and despite the fact that each step was causing his tombstone to uncomfortably brush against his zipper.
Truly, he couldn't get away with nothin', even if it wasn't even his fault. Fate was not only real, she was also a huge bitch. But he would have his revenge. Yang would rue the day she accidentally made him a laughingstock.
But first he had to get his ass kicked by… oh, damn it, it was the weird girl from Mistral, the one who was still a first-year at age twenty-four because she kept getting held back, Cinder Autumn or something.
Cinder smirked as he stepped into the ring. "I'm going to wipe that look from your face, and that erection from your pants."
Fuck it, my reputation is already in the toilet. Might as well have fun with it and fight batshit crazy with batshit crazy.
"Now, now, Cinder – let's watch our words. After all," he motioned to his crotch, "We wouldn't want to turn you from a dom into a sub, now would we?"
The third-degree burns were worth having the crowd laughing with him rather than at him for all of five seconds. At least his aura could heal burns.
His reputation, though, was beyond salvaging.
"Ow!"
"Oh, don't be such a baby."
"Easy for you to say..." Jaune grumbled, settling down into his seat on his bed. He was tempted to cross his arms but resisted, knowing it would just aggravate his burns.
Yang pat him on the head. "Cheer up, Lover Boy. It's not all bad."
"What do you-" Jaune cut himself off with a hiss as Yang rubbed more salve onto a burn on his back.
The brawler rolled her eyes. "Look, I said I was sorry, didn't I?"
"Yeah."
"And I also said that I'd make it up to you, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"Well, I'm not sure if you noticed, but we're the only ones in the dorm, it's a Friday night, and you're already naked."
He was, in fact, already naked – a side effect of having burns over seventy-five percent of his body. Apparently, Cinder had appreciated his little comment even less than he thought she would.
Joke's on her, though – he had seen the grade she had gotten on Oobleck's last test. She could burn him all she wanted, but it wouldn't stop her from being held back another year.
Get fucked, you dumb bitch. You may have sent me to the hospital, but at least I won't still be a first-year when I'm in my twenties.
Pushing that thought from his head, Jaune turned back to Yang. "Okay, so what did you have in mind? As much as I'd like to sleep with you, I don't think that's the best idea right now."
"Clearly not," she replied, rubbing the back of her head. "You know, you really only have yourself to blame – Cinder Balls or whatever her name is wouldn't have gone so hard on you if you hadn't said that to her."
"Yeah, but it was funny and I needed something to distract me from the feeling of having my soul crushed due to my reputation taking a massive dive."
"…I mean, 'massive' is relative..."
"Yang."
"...Okay, too far. But the point is, it's really your own fault… but I still want to make it up to you."
"And what was your plan?"
She simply smirked. "Close your eyes and lay down."
Jaune raised an eyebrow but did as he was told, wincing as he moved and felt his burns start to scream at him. After several seconds, he was finally lying flat against the bed. Next to him, he felt Yang stand up.
"Hopefully this is enough of an apology, Lover Boy~"
Man, she's really into this, Jaune thought to himself. Wonder what she's- OZPIN'S COFFEE!
Yup, that was a blowjob… a really, really good blowjob. She was really giving it her all. Jaune groaned, bucking his hips as he grabbed twin handfuls of the bedsheets in an attempt to keep himself anchored. It wasn't enough; he was in Heaven right now. Nirvana had been achieved. He had opened the Gate and found the entrance to God's domain, where alchemical secrets awaited and no mortals were meant to tread.
With his eyes tightly screwed shut, Jaune blindly reached out, looking for something to hold onto before he completely lost himself. After a few seconds of struggling, his hands found purchase on something… light and fluffy, yet incredibly warm?
Why does this feel familiar?
He only had to wonder that for a second before a fist caught him on the underside of his chin, sending him rocketing through the wall to JNPR's dorm.
"Don't pull my hair!" he heard Yang scream as he flew.
He crashed through the first wall, soared across the hall, and then broke through the wall on the other side before finally being stopped by a bookcase. He lay there, groaning, his burns shouting at him in agony, now joined by the pain of several broken bones and a horrifically ruined orgasm.
He barely had time to wonder where he had ended up before a scream rang out. Cracking one eye open, Jaune found himself staring at Ruby.
And Ruby, meanwhile, was staring at his crotch, her eyes wide with fear.
"Bad touch!" she screamed, reaching for her scythe. "My body is a temple!"
Jaune had no time to explain himself before the Gravity Dust round impacted directly beneath him, sending him flying out the window. He landed in a heap down in Beacon's courtyard, groaning in agony.
"Hey, look! It's the Arc kid! Let's all take pictures of his misery and post them online!"
As he lay there in blinding pain, scrolls going off all around him and his dick pointed up in the air, Jaune had but one thought on his mind.
No sex is worth this hell.
Just before he blacked out, Jaune resolved to do something about it.
"Y-you're breaking up with me?!"
Jaune nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I don't think it's going to work between us."
"B-but why?! I love you!"
The blonde boy cast a glance down at his full-body cast. It had been lovingly decorated by the rest of their friends. Nora had drawn lots of smiley faces on it. Blake had written a haiku about his penis, which was apparently now the talk of the school. Ruby had written an apology for mistaking him for a crazed rapist. Pyrrha had left him her scroll number and a message to call her for a good time. Cardin had simply drawn a line to his groin and written 'Fuck you'.
Turning back to Yang, he shrugged. "You're a hazard to my health, Yang."
"Is that what this is about? It was an accident!"
"Your accident almost killed me, definitely killed my reputation, and then somehow killed my reputation all over again. I'm sorry, but there's only so much I can take."
"T-that's..." Yang sniffled, rubbing at her eyes. "'m sorry..."
Jaune's expression softened. He sighed. "So am I, Yang. You're a great girl, and I really do care about you a lot, but you're just a bit too dangerous for me, you know? There's only so much grievous bodily harm I can take on a daily basis before I call it quits."
He paused. Wow, that… sounded a lot better in his head, actually. Now that he thought about it, it actually made him sound like a bit of a dick – he loved everything about Yang, yet he wasn't willing to go through a little pain and suffering for her? What kind of man did that?
Shaking his head, he turned back to his now ex-girlfriend, who had her head buried in her hands. "Actually, forget that," he said.
Yang looked up at him, sniffling. "F-forget it?"
"Yeah, forget it. All of what I just said? Yeah, that was me being stupid. I love you, Yang. And no matter how many times you send me to the hospital or ruin my reputation, that will never change."
She blinked, then looked away. "D-don't play with my heart..."
"I mean it," Jaune insisted. "I was being stupid, and I'm sorry. You're the best thing to ever happen to a guy like me, and I can't believe I even thought of giving up a relationship for something as stupid as you being tougher than me or consistently embarrassing me or constantly mogging me or being too good for me or me being consistently sent to the emergency room over things that are completely out of my control and that I had no way of seeing, but that could have easily been avoided by simply not being in a relationship with you."
"Oh, Jaune!" Yang shouted, lunging forward and wrapping him in a big hug. "I knew you didn't mean it!" She leaned in, giving him a big kiss on his cheek. "I love you!"
Jaune could only let out a small, pained squeak in response. Currently, his face was squished between his now no-longer-ex-girlfriend's rather sizable breasts, and while he normally would have enjoyed such an experience, this current predicament was rather un-enjoyable. In fact, it was actually rather painful – his lungs were burning, and his spine felt like it was about to pop.
And unfortunately for him, Yang didn't seem to notice, as she was too caught up in babbling about how she was going to be a better girlfriend from now on.
"-And in addition to fixing your reputation by tracking down everybody who took dick pics of your crippled and broken body a few days ago and punting them into next week, I promise I won't ever hurt you again! I'll be more careful – I'll pay attention so that I'll never accidentally injure you, and I won't ever do anything to deliberately put you in danger, and I definitely won't punch you for pulling my hair!"
"Y-Yang..." Jaune managed to choke out.
"In fact, I'll let you pull my hair!" Yang said, a bit too proudly. "Hair pulling has always been a hidden fetish of mine, but I value my hair too much to let anyone who isn't Ruby touch it, but since you're my boyfriend I figure you deserve to manhandle it! I promise I won't get mad!"
"Yang, p-please..." Jaune said, now getting desperate as his lungs began to fail on him. Coupled with the series of pops coming from his spine and the black spots dancing on the edge of his vision, he could tell he was in trouble if she didn't loosen her grip soon.
"...Well, okay, I'll only get a little mad, but we'll just turn it into angry sex! You'll finally get to feel dominant, even if I just let you win! You hear that? You'll finally get to be on top for once! It'll be great!"
She tightened her hug ever-so-slightly, but it was more than enough. A loud snap filled the air, followed by a gasp as Jaune's spine and lungs simultaneously gave out. Yang immediately let go of her boyfriend, staring at him in wide-eyed shock as he contorted in pain.
"D-doctor!" she shouted, standing up and running out of the room. "Doctor, help! My boyfriend tried to break up with me, but then we got back together, and then he literally broke up with me by snapping his spine in half!"
Well, she was certainly right about that, even if she had conveniently left out the fact that she was the reason his spine had just broken. And here he was, thinking that it would be deadlifts that eventually made him take the bumpy one-way ride to Snap City, but nope, it was just a bear hug from his hot girlfriend.
That being said, he didn't think he was dying, but it was definitely extremely painful, and to make matters worse, he couldn't feel his legs. Now, he was no doctor, but he had seen a lot of war movies, so he knew that not being able to feel his legs was probably bad.
But you know what? As far as being crippled went, this was honestly not a bad way for it to happen – between being stepped on by a Goliath or something and having his head smashed between Yang's tits, he knew which one he would pick every time.
Too bad he couldn't feel his dick in addition to his legs. Well, that was great – as if he needed more confirmation that he was crippled.
As the realization that his overly affectionate girlfriend had likely just made him into a paraplegic set in, Jaune had only one thought on his mind.
Gods damn it, Yang.
Here's the Yang chapter, now you can all stop asking about it and move on to asking about Neo or something instead.
All of Yang's obnoxious gym slogans this chapter come verbatim from Ronnie Coleman, who I am a huge fan of because come on, how can you not be a fan of someone who's squatting like 800 pounds while screaming, "Light weight, baby!" at the top of his lungs in this guttural, screechy voice?
Anyway, bodybuilders aside, this chapter was all over the fucking place. Yang had a lot that I had to tackle, and even then I feel like I might have missed some stuff. I initially had Raven included in here somewhere, but she kind of ended up dominating the chapter when she was introduced, so I decided I'd hold back on her this. Kind of a shame, but I just couldn't make it work in tandem with everything else. I'm pretty sure that I'll end up doing another chapter for Yang though, so expect to see Raven there if I do.
Also, a bit of a bad end this time. I know I said I was going to give it a rest, but I'll be honest: I can't control the shit that comes flowing onto the page. It kind of has a mind of its own most of the time.
Next update: Saturday, June 13.