Chapter Five - Tequila

Elizabeth couldn't recall much of the evening that had passed her by since they landed. She knew she had numerous phone calls from Russell and Daisy about the media coverage, but she also knew her crack team were on top of their game so for a second or two she didn't have to be. The moment came for Elizabeth to put her phone down a few hours ago when she attempted to call all three of her kids; not one of them answered or called her back. In that instant she felt her heart lay a little heavier within her chest walls and decided to call it a night.

However, Elizabeth had spent the night tossing and turning, finally admitting defeat around midnight when she climbed out of bed and opened her laptop. She would love to say it was the time difference between America and Paris that was stopping her from getting a peaceful night's sleep, but deep down she knew it was the heartache; the constant dull ache in her chest that had not eased at all over the last few weeks. Her hand outstretched and pressed the screen of her phone, lighting it up. Still; no missed calls or texts from her children. She slowly chewed her lip and buried herself in state department emails hoping that a brief conversation about permafrost and answering a few random emails from staff would ease the void set within her.

*knock* *knock*

She glanced up above her glasses and furrowed her brow wondering who could possibly be knocking on her door. Peeling her legs from under her and tilting her laptop screen half down she pulled her cardigan around her frame and walked to the door, smiling awkwardly when she opened it and her eyes lay on Blake.

'Hi Ma'am, I brought you a coffee, decaf of course, given it's gone midnight' she didn't have time to fully catch what he said as he walked into her hotel room. He turned and smiled as she shut the door and looked at him

'Blake' she paused, 'I have so many questions, but why are you fully dressed this late in the evening?'

'I heard my emails constantly pinging and when I looked I noticed a certain secretary of state has been actively replying for around forty minutes, so, I come with coffee and I am also here to remove your laptop from you. You need sleep' his tone was firm but slightly playful towards her. He placed the coffee on her bedside table and pulled the laptop off the bed, placing it on a table behind her. Elizabeth was so exhausted she didn't protest. She walked to her hotel bed and sat on the edge, her eyes glancing at the coffee.

'Got anything stronger?' She mumbled. Elizabeth sighed heavily and rubbed her hands over her face as she tried to quiet her mind for a moment. Blake smiled sadly and watched her.

'How are you?' He asked

'Yeah I'm fine. Thinking about the meeting with NATO tomorrow' Blake rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed.

'Ok' he paused, slowly lowering himself onto the bed. Elizabeth felt the pressure on the bed change and slowly turned her head to face him, resting her back against the pillows. 'And how is Elizabeth McCord?' He raised an eyebrow. Elizabeth was more than his boss, ever since he had talked to her about his sexuality their relationship blossomed. She screwed up her face and looked down into her lap, her actions mimicking that of a small child not the strong powerful woman she often is.

'Shouldn't that be Elizabeth Adams now?' A cold shiver ran over her tired body as she spoke, the harsh reality creeping in. She looked up at Blake and really focused on him for the first time that evening. Blake closed his eyes for a moment as he caught sight of her. Normally she was dressed to the nines with her hair perfect and her face looking flawless, but now? Now she sat in an oversized t-shirt and pyjamas bottoms, her hair was damp which he presumed was from a shower but her facial features were frail. The circles under her eyes were dark and harrowing, her cheekbones a little more prominent from obvious weight loss, and her eyes didn't sparkle anymore.

'I didn't mean…' he trailed off not knowing what to say. Elizabeth shook her head and smiled softly.

'I believe you do have some tequila in your mini fridge if you want some?' He half joked bringing them back to her earlier question. Elizabeth instantly pulled a face and mocked a wretch sound.

'No, I cannot drink that stuff. Not after this one night where Henry and I…' her teasing humour and smiled quickly faded at the mention of his name. Blakes heart ached for her, clueless of how to help her.

'I feel like I know the most beautiful song in the world, the kind of song everyone wants to sing but only I have the lyrics to, but I can't sing along anymore. No matter how much I might want to' her fingers fiddled with the ends of her sleeve as she opened her heart a little to Blake, her mind aimlessly wandering as she softly spoke

'But you can always re-learn the lyrics, or the melody'

'It will never be the same though it will, it will never be the original song' she closed her eyes and inhaled, stopping her tears escaping.

'Is it really unfixable?' Blake boldly asked. To his surprise Elizabeth didn't bite, instead she dropped her guard a little lower, her tired eyes blinking slowly as she attempted to find the words to reply.

'I am starting to question how together it was in the first place. But yes, Henry asked for a divorce, I have to respect his wishes and move on'

'Wait what? I thought it was a mutual decision between you both?' He looked at her confused

'No, that's what we've told everyone to make it easier on the kids. That day you came into the office and got caught up in the middle of our argument?' She asked and watched as he nodded, leaning in a little closer. 'Well, moments before you came in Henry had handed me the papers, I don't know why I was so surprised when he did, there is nothing left to salvage. It was the right decision for us both to part before we hated one another'

'Elizabeth I'm so sorry' he sighed heavily and she shook her head

'Don't' she whispered. Blake could sense that she wanted to have a cry and knew her well enough to know it was his cue to leave the room. He stood and fixed his jacket.

'For what it's worth, I think there is so much left to salvage between you both'

'Thanks, but too much has happened, so many lies and words spoken that can never be taken back. Thanks for the coffee, and the chat' she smiled

'I'm taking your laptop, get some rest' he smiled and retrieved the laptop from the table and walked to her door. He paused and looked back over to her, her legs tucked under her and her head hanging low, her shoulders slowly bouncing as the tears began to fill the room. He closed his eyes and painfully shut the door, despite everything within him telling him to stay.

Her tears dripped down off her cheeks and into her lap, there was always something more heart wrenching about silent cries, it is almost like every ounce of thinking power, or the ability to form any sound has left you, complete and utter exhaustion kicking in so that all you're left with is silence. And silence is always so very loud. Elizabeth allowed her body to fall onto the bed slowly, her head fell upon her phone causing her to inwardly groan, she reached up and pulled it away from under her, holding it in her hand she tapped the screen once again and unlocked it. Her thumb scrolled through her messages and she stopped above Henry's name. He was the sixth person down the list, he had never been that far down since the day she met him, he was always at the top, always one of the last people she had spoken to. Her thumb lingered above his name, something within her desperately wanting to press it and no matter how much she fought she gave in. A simple click on his name and she was calling him…

'Hello? Elizabeth?'