Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Summer, or: Tail from the Crypt
It was that time of year again – Single's Awareness Day, otherwise known as Valentine's Day. And just like every other year, Jaune was without a special someone. Normally he wouldn't have thought much of it, aside from taking it as an opportunity to go and score some cheap candy from the clearance section the day after. But not this year.
No, this year, he was desperate.
He had been single for seventeen years of his life, and he was sick of it. It seemed like no matter what he tried, he simply couldn't get someone to be interested in him. Most men would have given up in his position, but not him. He just knew that all it would take was a little help.
Hence his current position, sitting up on his bed with his hands clasped together and his head bowed.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the rest of his team give him a weird look.
"What're you doing?" Nora asked.
"I'm praying," Jaune replied, as if it was the most natural thing in the world even though absolutely nobody practiced religion on Remnant anymore.
His teammates exchanged a glance with each other.
"...Okay," Pyrrha ventured. "Is something bothering you?"
"As a matter of fact, yes," Jaune announced, though he didn't look up or unclasp his hands. "I've decided that I'm sick of traveling on the path to wizardry, and am taking drastic measures to ensure that I don't die a virgin. Now, do you mind?"
Thankfully, they didn't mind… or if they did mind, they didn't say anything. Instead, Ren took that opportunity to usher them both out of the room and leave Jaune to his own devices.
"Just leave him be, girls," Rena stated. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
Trust Ren – the bro-est of bros – to understand at least a little bit. When they were both of legal drinking age, Jaune would have to buy him a beer… or raid Ruby's uncle's stash when he was plastered. But that was neither here nor there.
With that established, it was back to more pressing matters.
"O, Gods of Darkness and Light," Jaune muttered. "Hear my prayer. Grant me a GF. I'm not too picky – just someone who will love and cherish me the same way I will love and cherish her. Anyone will do, so long as she's female and doesn't mind men with blonde hair and blue eyes."
He meant that last bit as a joke, but he had no way of knowing what it would lead to.
Jaune went to sleep that night feeling disappointed that a GF hadn't materialized in his bed shortly after his prayer, and feeling as if he had failed.
But little did he know, there were forces beyond his control at play.
All was quiet in the domain of the Gods. They were taking their time away from Remnant to relax and catch up on messing with some mortals in other worlds.
"Hmm..." the God of Light mused. "I've got it: a tropical storm on top of all the other bullshit. That'll be funny."
He snapped his fingers, and it was done. And it was indeed funny.
He had scarcely had time to bask in his own great power and sense of humor before he was interrupted by the arrival of his brother.
"Brother," he greeted as the great purple dragon unfurled in front of him. "What brings you here? Have the mortals on Remnant succeeded?"
"What? No. No, of course not." There was a flash of purple light, and then the God of Darkness was standing in front of him. "No, we got an order."
The God of Light was confused until his brother shoved a slip of paper into his hands. He stared at it in surprise before looking back to Darkness. "Truly? I'm honestly stunned that there are still those that follow us."
"There aren't, at least not since we killed them all. This is the first in many thousands of years."
"Nobody has tried to pray to us in all that time?"
"Unfortunately, no. And honestly, I'm just as surprised about that as you are. Seems like it's a bit too convenient if you ask me."
"Well, what do they want?"
"He wants a GF, one who – get this – is into men with blonde hair and blue eyes."
"...I see. Well, I suppose we have the perfect candidate for that. Should we do it?"
Darkness shrugged. "Might as well. I mean, I know we did that whole thing with the cycle of life and death… but let's be honest, that world is fucked, it's never gonna work out, Ozma is a complete and total failure at everything and everyone else is about as equally stupid. We might as well have some fun with it before Salem kills them all. Then we can go back to that other world and implement that bat flu thing you wanted to-"
"Already did it."
"You dick! Is it at least funny?"
"Hilarious."
"Hnn… well, I say we do this, because it would also be hilarious. Plus, it would make Salem and Ozma seethe."
That was all that Light needed to hear. "Then let it be done."
He snapped his fingers, and true to his word, it was done.
Back on Remnant, Jaune was awoken that morning by his alarm, the same as any other morning. The only difference now was that someone else got to it before he did. Not that he minded; it was probably Pyrrha, rising early to get to the gym like she usually did. Nothing too weird.
"Rise and shine, Jaune~" someone whispered into his ear.
That, on the other hand, was absolutely weird.
Instantly, his eyes shot open, only to widen in surprise when he came face-to-face with-
"R-Ruby?!"
Even he could tell that wasn't right – this woman was too mature to be Ruby. But aside from her maturity, her different hairstyle, her different outfit, and her bust size, she looked nearly identical.
The woman giggled softly. "Close, but not quite. I'm her mother, Summer."
Well, that wasn't right. Ruby didn't like to talk about her mother much (she tended to start crying uncontrollably whenever she did), but from what little Jaune knew, Summer Rose had died years ago. There was absolutely no reason she would be in his room.
Unless…
It all made sense. This dead woman – one who Yang had made sure to mention was very attached to their father, who was blonde-haired and blue-eyed – had been sent to him by the Gods as a way of answering his prayer. Normally he would have felt ecstatic about that, except…
"Hold on," he said, holding up a hand. "Just to confirm: you're here to be my girlfriend, right?"
"Of course," she replied.
"But aren't you married to that Taiyang guy?"
"Was married," Summer replied. "Our vows stated 'Til death do us part', and since I died, they don't apply anymore."
"...But don't you still care for-"
"He's the father of my daughters, so of course I do. But romantically? Jaune, he started banging that bird-brained bitch again like a month after I died. I don't care how much he tried to justify it to himself with 'it's just a booty call' or 'I'm just relieving some stress' or 'She's got a great ass', that all showed to me that he moved on. And at this point, so have I."
Well, he couldn't argue with that… not because he agreed with the logic behind it, but because Pyrrha had woken up and started screaming at the sight of a strange adult woman standing over Jaune's bed.
"It's the bed intruder!" Pyrrha shouted, calling her weapon to her. "Jaune, get down! I'll save you from the creepy molester woman!"
The two women locked blades, and Jaune sighed.
This is going to take some explaining.
It did, in fact, take some explaining. Between his own team and Team RWBY, it had actually taken a fucking lot of explaining. There had been quite a fair amount of tears between Summer and her daughters, then Summer had called up Tai and Qrow and there had been even more tears, and then Summer and Tai officially announced that they had both moved on and there were even more tears, then Summer revealed that she was alive to Ozpin and Glynda and there were even more tears… by the time breakfast had rolled around, it was like someone had just screened 'Ol Yeller' multiple times for the entire family.
Thankfully, Ozpin had excused them all from classes for the day – Team RWBY for an obvious reason, and Team JNPR for emotional support. Also because Summer had requested that he let them all off for the day, and the look she had given him had left no room for argument.
Something told Jaune that there was more at play there than Summer was letting on, but it wasn't his place to ask.
Anyway, the point was, they were all now in the cafeteria, enjoying a hearty breakfast. Summer was basically eating everything in sight, because according to her, she hadn't eaten real food in over a decade.
"Man, this is the good stuff," she announced as she chowed down on yet another piece of bacon. "I tell you, the afterlife's cooking has got nothing on this."
Weiss seemed surprised about that. "Hang on, are you saying that the afterlife is actually a real thing?"
"Hey, I was dead and then I came back, so I think I know what I'm talking about. And yeah, it's real, and the cooking sucks. I tell you, the Gods are putting in the barest minimum amount of effort when it comes to dealing with the dead. Do you have any idea what housing looks like up there? It's ridiculous."
"...The afterlife has housing?" Blake asked, confused.
"Well, yeah. You didn't think we'd all just be standing there, did you? We need some place to live."
"I have so many questions," Ren stated. "What is it like?"
Summer shrugged. "Pretty boring, honestly. You don't want for anything, but that just means that there's not much to do, if that makes sense. You spend a lot of your time missing your family and friends back on Remnant. You can't die or even get hurt, so there's no need to do anything dangerous or stupid. Mostly you just chill and listen to dead musicians and stand-up comedians."
"That doesn't sound so bad," Pyrrha offered.
"Believe me, it gets old fast. You'd think that your extended family members would come visit, but if they didn't care about you in life, they don't really care about you in death either, and my parents left me on Beacon's doorstep when I was a baby."
"Oh," was Pyrrha's reply. "I'm sorry to hear that."
Summer waved her off. "Look, the point is, the afterlife isn't great, but it's not terrible. I can certainly think of worse ways to spend an eternity, that's for sure. It's definitely better than sheer nothingness."
"Hey, so what about omniscience?" Nora interjected. "Do you get any of that?"
"A bit," Summer replied. "Not enough to understand everything, but we see a lot more than you'd think we could."
"...Does that mean you saw when I took Ren's underwear and-"
"Yes, I did. And you should be very ashamed of yourself."
Nora pouted at that. Yang, meanwhile, suddenly went bright red, causing everyone to turn towards her.
"You seem suitably embarrassed," Weiss observed. "Is there something you'd like to share with us?"
Yang shook her head, and Summer sighed.
"Yang, sweetie, you have nothing to be ashamed of."
"Oh, so she gets off scot-free..." Nora grumbled.
Summer ignored her and said nothing, which only made things worse.
"Do we want to know?" Blake asked.
"No, no you don't," Summer replied. "And I won't answer, either. Let's just say it involves her motorcycle and leave it at that."
"Ewww!" Ruby stated. "Yang, at least use your weapon like a normal person!"
That earned her a strange look from everyone else, which only confused her. "What? You mean none of you-"
"No," Jaune replied. "No, we do not."
"...Really? But I thought that everyone-"
"No, it's literally just you."
"...Well, now we know why her weapon doesn't need to be lubed so much..." Weiss muttered, earning her a light smack from Yang.
"Anyway," Summer announced, hoping to take away form the bit of awkwardness that had just settled over the table. "I have an announcement to make."
"Is it about someone else's weird fetish?" Nora asked. "Tell me if Ren's into feet, I want to know if I should start wearing sandals or not."
Summer ignored her last comment. "I just wanted to say that I came back – or rather, I was sent back – for a reason. Taiyang and I broke up for a reason, too."
"Because he wanted to bang Yang's mom," Blake pointed out.
"Normally I'd challenge you to a spar for that, but that relationship is over, so I don't care. Anyway, I was sent here to answer a certain someone's prayer, and I intend to do exactly that."
Jaune's team seemed to understand, as they all instantly looked over to him as if they couldn't believe it. Jaune couldn't believe it either, and he was the one who had prayed for it to happen – the fact that it was actually happening was just mind-blowing. Also kind of retarded, but that wasn't important right now.
No, the only people who didn't seem to get it were Team RWBY.
"I don't get it," Ruby announced. "I mean, I obviously missed you a lot, but I never prayed for you to come back, 'cuz I didn't think the Gods were actually real."
"Same," Yang added.
"Let me put it this way," Summer said.
She leaned over, hooking one arm around Jaune's shoulders and pulling him close.
"Ruby, Yang, meet your new stepdad."
And that was all it took for hell to break loose.
"Get back here, you son of a bitch!"
Jaune quickly jumped to the side to avoid yet another shotgun blast, only to find himself forced to roll out of the way of an incoming scythe blade.
"Homewrecker!" Ruby shouted, her voice dripping with rage… well, as much rage as little squeaky-voiced, pint-sized, in-the-midst-of-puberty Ruby could muster, which was to say it was about as much rage as a kitten upset at having its tail accidentally stepped on.
Granted, that kitten also had a fuckoff-huge scythe, so by no means was he taking it lightly.
Recovering, Jaune took off running once more, the whole time regretting every decision that had led him to this point. He had been running for about five minutes now, and he was already getting tired. Meanwhile, Ruby and Yang still had plenty of gas in the tank.
So, this is it. This is how I die. Murdered by two of my good friends because I accidentally brought their mother back from the dead and had her break up with their father so she could pursue me. Gotta say, I didn't think it would end like this.
Then again, he'd half-expected it would end with him getting mulched during initiation, so he didn't exactly have the best track record with these things.
"Girls!" Summer shouted as she rounded the corner.
Immediately, both Ruby and Yang came to a stop, shouting out protests to their mother. Summer simply raised a hand in response, affixing both of them with a harsh glare.
"Next time, give me a chance to explain," she stated. "My relationship with Tai is over. It has been for awhile."
"But Jaune-" Yang sputtered.
"Had nothing to do with it. Yang, Tai has been sleeping with Raven every weekend since the month after I died. He's moved on, and I don't blame him. In fact, I'm happy for him.
But now it's my turn to move on too, and I intend to do exactly that."
"But why Jaune?" Ruby asked. "I mean, he's… nice… but-"
"To tell you the truth, he's exactly my type."
"And what would that be?" Yang questioned, putting a hand on her hip. "Young, blonde, and blue-eyed?"
Summer said nothing in response, causing Yang and Ruby to blanch. "Mom, you can't be serious!" Yang protested.
"I am, in fact, serious," Summer said, her voice firm. "Now, don't hold this against Jaune – this is my choice, too. I know it's awkward, but that's it. Now, go apologize to him for trying to kill him."
Both Ruby and Yang looked reluctant to do so, but they did, eventually creeping over to him and muttering apologies which Jaune graciously (and very awkwardly) accepted.
"Excellent," Summer stated. "Now then, I think it would be best if we all split up for a bit. I still haven't fully caught up with you two, after all. That, and I'm eager to see how you've both been training in my absence."
Ruby and Yang seemed to perk up slightly. Seeing that they were feeling a bit better, Summer turned to Jaune.
"We'll pick this up again later. I'll text you the details, but we'll set something up – dinner, probably."
Jaune's initial response was to gently let her down given the reaction her daughters had just had… but then again, the Gods had resurrected her specifically for him. Turning her down would probably be considered heresy of some kind, and he wasn't going to risk receiving a lightning bolt to the face or eternal damnation by doing it. Instead, he nodded.
"...Yeah, sounds good," he managed to force out.
Summer nodded in understanding, then looked back to her daughters. "Come on, girls. Let's give Jaune some time to recover."
Ruby and Yang muttered something to themselves but ultimately did as they were told, following behind Summer as she went. Jaune watched them go, the whole time hoping that this wasn't going to be as much of a clusterfuck as he expected it to be.
He had to give Summer some credit: as apprehensive as he was about this whole arrangement, she certainly had good taste when it came to date night. Dinner turned out to be a much more fancy affair than he had thought it would, in the form of an Atlesian restaurant downtown.
"Not that I'm complaining or anything," Jaune said, "but how did you even set this up in the first place? This place must have cost a fortune."
"Let's just say that Ozpin owes me more than a few favors after the event that ended up killing me and leave it at that," Summer replied. "He's paying for tonight, by the way. So go nuts, because it's on him."
Normally he would have tried to tune that out and just go with the cheapest option he could, because he hated wasting money even if it wasn't his money… but Ozpin had thrown him off a cliff into Grimm-infested woods, so he was past the point of caring. In fact, he was going to order the most expensive thing his palate would let him, just to spite Oz.
Ten ounce Wagyu filet mignon, here I come.
Hey, just because he was poor, that didn't mean he couldn't have expensive tastes.
"So," Summer began, setting her menu aside. "The Gods brought me back to be your girlfriend, but I don't really know anything about you. I think we should change that."
Honestly, he agreed, if only because he was going to have to give this arrangement an honest try unless he wanted to burn for all eternity. A little question-and-answer session would do wonders when it came to saving his soul.
Oh, and it would also help him get to know a pretty woman a lot better, had to remember that too.
"Okay," Jaune said. "What did you have in mind?"
"Tell me about the real Jaune, not the one your friends make you out to be."
"Oh. Um, I'm not sure what to make of that. Is there anything in particular that they're telling you?"
"Honestly, it's mostly the girls on my daughters' team, and I'm assuming they're only talking badly about you because they think you're the impetus for my past relationship ending. I'd really like to put all that to the bed and get a firsthand account. So, we'll start with the obvious: what's your story, Jaune? What brought you to Beacon?"
Of course, she started with that question. She probably thought it was an innocent question, but the truth was, it was probably the hardest one she could have asked. Did he risk revealing the truth to her, or did he keep telling lies? Honestly, the more he thought about it, the more clear it became that he really only had one choice.
Jaune sighed, then bowed his head. "...I'll be honest with you, Summer. I came to Beacon because I wanted to be a hero. I don't have any real training, hell I didn't even have aura when I showed up for orientation. I'm not a Huntsman in any sense of the word. I got my hands on some fake transcripts and lied my way into school. I'm a fraud."
"Hmm..." Summer hummed to herself. "...Nope."
Jaune looked up, surprised. "Nope?"
"Nope. You're not a fraud."
"But I just told you-"
"The truth. Would a fraud do that?"
Well, she had him there. "...But I still lied-"
"Did you? You survived initiation. You even became team leader. That's better than a lot of prospective students do, and you did it without aura or any kind of training. And before you say it, luck can only take you so far. You're better than you give yourself credit for."
"So… you're not mad?"
"Not at all," she replied, a small grin crossing her face. "Truthfully, that was a test – I knew all along that you didn't get into Beacon legitimately. I just wanted to see if you had the strength of character to fess up to it when questioned. Though, I have to ask – why do it now? It can't just be because I'm the only one to have ever asked."
Honestly, that was part of it, but it wasn't the whole truth. "...Truthfully, Summer, I didn't think it was right to start our dinner off with a lie. Whether this goes well or goes horribly, I want to at least end it knowing that I did everything in my power to try and make it work. And I'm not just saying that because the Gods will probably barbecue my soul for all eternity if I fuck this up, I swear."
Summer stared at him for a moment, apparently deep in thought. Finally, she shook her head, chuckling softly.
"You're a real piece of work, Jaune," she stated. "In a good way, I mean. There aren't many men out there like you."
He honestly wasn't sure how to respond, partially because he was quite flustered by her praise, but mainly because he had noticed something on her face – a small mark, something that looked like a mole, had appeared under her right eye all of a sudden. Within seconds, it had turned a sickly yellow, and he couldn't help but stare before shaking himself out of it.
"...Uh, Summer?"
"Yes?"
"You've got a little something right-"
She seemed to catch on to what he was saying immediately, as she quickly flared her aura. To his surprise, the spot instantly vanished, leaving no trace that it was ever there in the first place.
"...Huh," he said.
She waved him off. "Don't worry about that – just some complications with the resurrection process. Let's just say that I'm very thankful for my aura right now. Anyway, let's move on, shall we?"
"Sure, Summer. What did you have in mind?"
"Well, how about… actually, hold on."
She waved the waiter over, then brought up the drink menu.
"How much for the aged Merlot?"
"Well, that's our most expensive offering, considering that it's imported from Atlas. A glass will cost you fifty lien."
"Perfect. Bring the bottle and leave it."
He seemed stunned to hear her say that, as if he didn't know what to do. Summer simply turned to stare at him.
"I could go into how this is all paid for so you don't need to worry about me dining and dashing, but instead I'll just leave it at this: I am a mother of two teenage girls, and while I love them deeply, both of them are training to become Huntresses. Do you have any idea what it's like raising a single Huntress, let alone two? I. Need. My wine."
The waiter nodded in understanding, and Summer quickly sent him off before turning back to Jaune, who was flabbergasted. Softly, she let out a sigh.
"Sorry about that. It's just-"
"No, I get it," he replied. "I have seven sisters, so I get the need for a drink every now and then."
"Oh, my. Seven? Your mother must be-"
"Yes, she is."
"I mean, she must be like a fish-"
"You don't know the half of it."
"It's actually inspiring. I could never do it. Two is enough for me at the moment."
That was saying a lot, considering that both Ruby and Yang had at different points described her as Supermom.
The waiter quickly returned with Summer's bottle of wine, plus a glass. She wasted no time in popping the cork and filling the glass to the brim before taking a deep sip, then sighing contentedly before looking back to Jaune.
"Honestly, I just want us to really get to know each other a bit better tonight. I may have been brought back to be your girlfriend, but I see no reason to take things so quickly. We have plenty of time to work things out before getting serious."
Jaune agreed. It would have been weird for him to try and put the moves on a woman he had just met, especially one who had been dead the day before. It just made sense for them to take things slow right now. He certainly wasn't going to complain about it.
"I think that's a great idea," he replied. "I'd really like to know for sure that this is going to be a serious relationship that can work before we start moving on to anything beyond just small dates."
"Now you're getting it. You've got a good head on your shoulders, Jaune. Yup, it would be crazy for us to try anything more than this when we barely even know each other."
"You're absolutely right, Summer. In fact, I'll go so far to say that we should put a moratorium on anything more intense than handholding until we really get to know each other."
"Oh, for sure. Let's both agree here and now to keep it chaste for as long as possible."
"Sounds good."
"Great to hear it. Yup, no funny business between us. Not at all."
It was just after ten in the evening when the two of them burst through the door to the cheap motel room, then slammed it shut and locked it behind them. They were deep in the throes of passion, both of them wrapped up tight in the other's arms with their lips pressed together, their tongues fighting for dominance. Finally, after several seconds of intensity, Summer had enough. She guided Jaune over to the bed before throwing him onto it, then leveling him with a predatory gaze.
"I'm in control tonight," she stated. "Let me take the lead and you won't regret it. That clear?"
"Crystal, ma'am," Jaune responded.
"Excellent. Now then, take 'em off. I'm tired of waiting."
He didn't need to be told twice, instead reaching down and pulling off his belt at the same time Summer began to shrug off her evening gown (one of Glynda's that she had 'convinced' the deputy headmistress to lend her, which Glynda had agreed to without complaint for some reason). The gown hit the floor at the same time Jaune's pants did, and he couldn't help but take a look. His breath hitched when he saw that Summer had decided not to wear a bra tonight. She seemed to enjoy his reaction, as a smirk crossed her face.
"Like what you see?"
Okay, forget the filet mignon, this was the real prize tonight. He may not have intended to get some, but he certainly wasn't going to back out anymore.
Or rather, it would have been, if not for that mole once again appearing, this time on her neckline. Seeing it, he frowned.
"Summer, you've got a-"
She actually let out a small growl before flaring her aura once more, and again, the mole disappeared without a trace, much to his confusion.
"There," she stated. "Now we can move on."
"Are you sure? Is this something I should be concerned-"
"Less talking, more naked-ing," she implored. "I've been on a twelve-year dry spell. They wouldn't even let us masturbate up there, what with the whole 'you shall not want for anything' thing. Do you have any idea what twelve years of no orgasms will do to an adult once it catches up to them? I'm dying over here, and the only cure is some dick. I need about a hundred CC's of whatever's in your pants, stat."
Well, so much for that. There would be time to focus on her weird medical problems and also how the afterlife here honestly seemed to kind of suck later, because for now, he had a smoking hot MILF who was liable to jump him at any moment if he didn't give in right away.
Normally he'd reminisce about things ended up like this, but it wasn't much of a story to tell. They had been talking, they'd had a good time and eaten some damn good food, and then somehow it led to this. Part of him was convinced it was the Gods fucking with the two of them somehow, but he wasn't about to risk becoming a heretic by stating that out loud.
"Are you ready?" Summer asked, clearly impatient. "Because I've been ready, and I'm liable to break you in half if I have to wait any longer."
"Ah! Y-yeah, I'm re-"
And that was as far as he got.
"You look like shit, man," Nora observed.
Jaune merely winced in response. His entire pelvis was killing him – it was like someone had taken a jackhammer to it the previous night. Thank the Gods he'd had his aura up the whole time, because otherwise he'd probably quite literally be half the man he used to be.
At least Summer had a great time.
That was underselling it – Summer looked like a million bucks today. She was absolutely radiant. And here he was, thinking that all those stories about how going without sex for too long was bad for you were all just bullshit. Apparently not. Then again, that made sense – she'd basically experienced No Nut November spread out over more than a decade. It was literally like experiencing that plus Don't Jizz January, No Fap February, A Moratorium on Masturbation March, No Acquiescin' to the Fappin' April, No Beating the Meat May, Don't Jerk June, No Jackin' July, No Autoeroticism August, Don't Seed September, No Solo Orgasm October, and Don't Nut December, times like twelve. That was fucking insane. Truly the ultimate nofap challenge. Talk about going monk mode.
Anyway, the point was that Summer looked like a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders, and thankfully nobody knew about that… or about the fact that they were definitely going to end up doing it again later tonight, if the bedroom eyes she kept giving him were any indication.
Must be those MILF instincts running wild. I swear she's probably going to end up being really baby-crazy at some point.
Not that he could entirely blame her, considering how she was currently doting on Ruby and Yang. She had actually made Ruby her special pancakes for breakfast today, and she was currently in the process of braiding Yang's hair. She certainly seemed to adore her children, and he wouldn't put it past her to try and go for another one eventually despite what she had said at dinner last night, especially since she had come back looking like she was in her early thirties rather than how she would actually look if she had gone on living.
Truly, the Gods had done him a huge favor here. If their goal had been to make an acolyte out of him, they were certainly well on their way to doing that.
His thoughts were interrupted by a small itch on a certain sensitive part of his anatomy, which caused him to frown. Thankfully, scratching it had made it go away. That was definitely not the way to fix it, but it provided some temporary relief, so fuck it. It was like not scratching a mosquito bite – yeah, it'll go away faster if you just don't touch it… but fuck that, that shit itches too bad. He'd rather deal with the inevitable scab than let those little blood-sucking fuckers cause him irritation, thank you very much.
Anyway, itchiness aside, things were going pretty well. Ruby and Yang still sent him the occasional glare, but honestly, he understood why, even if he hadn't planned for it to end up this way.
You just had to jokingly ask that you get one who liked guys with blonde hair and blue eyes.
But that was about the only real complaint he had, aside from the constant itchiness. Speaking of which, he made sure to subtly scratch himself once more before going back for yet another strip of bacon, which made his friends all give him a blank look for some reason.
"Um, Jaune?" Pyrrha asked gently.
"Yes, Pyrrha?" he replied, eating the whole strip in one bite.
"Are you feeling okay?"
Honestly, no. "Actually, I feel like I might be getting a little sick, now that you mention it. Why do you ask?"
"Well, it's just that you've been eating non-stop for the past fifteen minutes."
Perplexed, Jaune looked down at the table. True to her word, there were plates upon plates lined up in front of him, all of them now empty. Curiously, each one had held nothing but meat – sausage, eggs, ham, bacon… all the standard breakfast meats.
Good thing I have aura, otherwise I'd be afraid of all the cholesterol making my heart explode.
Truly, aura was a magnificent thing. Once again he found himself forced to wonder why they didn't just unlock it for everyone on Remnant the instant they were able to handle it, but then again there was probably some explanation for that, even if he didn't know what it was. It wasn't like someone would be dumb enough to think that aura was something your average person wouldn't need or anything.
Oh, Pyrrha was still talking.
"-Worried. So, maybe you should go back to bed. We can tell Professor Goodwitch that you weren't feeling too good."
"Huh? Uh, yeah," he said. "Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Just let me finish my bacon-"
"Absolutely not!" Weiss hissed. "Between you and Ruby's mother, you must have eaten the whole pig by now! I'm about to be ill just looking at you!"
Confused, Jaune looked over to where Summer was sitting, only to see her with the tail end of a piece of bacon hanging out of her mouth. She grinned sheepishly before swallowing it.
"Yeah, I think that's enough for now," she said, rising out of her seat. "Anyway, let's go, Jaune. Back to the room with you."
Ruby and Yang looked like they were about to protest, but Summer quickly turned to them to assuage their fears. "Girls, I promise I'll be there in time to watch you fight. I just want to make sure he'll be okay first."
That seemed to be more than enough for the both of them, as their protests were silenced before they could speak. Turning back to Jaune, Summer motioned for him to lead the way, which he did… though it was easier said than done. The itchiness had suddenly worsened, and for some reason, he felt very discombobulated.
"Easy," Summer said gently as he collapsed against a nearby wall out in the hallway. "Man, you're in really bad shape. Was it something you ate?"
"No idea..." Jaune wheezed. "Help me to my room, please?"
That was all Summer needed to sling one of his arms over her shoulder and help him stumble back to his room. Within moments, he was lying on his bed, though he didn't dare get under the covers – he already felt like he was on fire, and that would have been too much. He was about to ask what was happening to him when he happened to glance over at Summer once more, and noticed that one again, that mole was back.
"Summer..." he wheezed.
"Yes, Jaune?"
"What's… is there something you're not… telling me about… how you came back…?"
She bit her lip, seemingly conflicted. Finally, she decided to just come out with it.
"...Alright, so it turns out that the Gods didn't actually make me a new body," she admitted.
"What…?"
"Yeah, they kind of couldn't, for whatever reasons. At least that was what they told me. So they sort of… got my old one and… 'fixed' it."
"So… the whole time we were having sex..."
"Oh, no, it was nothing like that – I'm still very much alive. Just… sort of held together by an odd mixture of aura and prayers. I may or may not basically be a zombie."
So she was an aura zombie, then. Well, that was great to know. At least now he knew what had happened to him – at some point during last night's sexcapade, he had clearly contracted some form of deadly disease from her, which made sense because he was quite literally loving the dead. Not that she intended that to happen, of course; he somehow very much doubted that. It's just that it seemed like the only way she could keep the necrosis at bay was by flaring her aura to heal herself, and at some point, she must have forgotten to do it, probably because he was balls deep in her at that time.
Summer placed a hand against his forehead, frowning. "Gods, you're burning up. Here, let's get you out of those clothes."
Jaune didn't even try to argue, because she was right – his whole body felt like it was on fire right now. He offered no resistance as Summer stripped him bare, because why would he? At this point, he felt like the sun in a pizza oven.
Though, the gasp she let out when she managed to get his boxer shorts off was more than enough cause for concern.
"Summer…?" he rasped. "Something wrong?"
She hesitated, seemingly unsure of what to say. Finally, she swallowed before looking back at him.
"...Promise you won't freak out," she said softly.
"Why…? What's wrong?"
"It's worse than it looks, I swear. It's nothing a little antiseptic won't hurt, I'm sure. Maybe a bandage or two, as well. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can fix it."
Well, that certainly got his attention. If a mother of two girls didn't know what was wrong with him, that was cause for concern, especially if it was affecting the one place he held most sacred. He dared to look up a bit, trying desperately to see what had Summer so stunned. Jaune looked down at Little Jaune.
And Little Jaune looked back, courtesy of the brand-new eyeball right in the center of it.
Jaune blinked, and so did Little Jaune. Slowly, he turned back to Summer.
"If you don't mind, I'm gonna black out now."
He never got to hear her response before he passed out.
Jaune wasn't sure how long he was out for, only that when he woke up later on, it was dark… or so it seemed. All he knew when he finally woke up was that he couldn't see anything, but it only took a moment for him to realize that there was something covering his face. He went to go move it, only for someone to stop him.
"That's… not a good idea," he heard Summer gently say. "Trust me, you don't want to do that right now."
"Why not?" Jaune asked. For some reason, his voice sounded… distorted. Inhuman, almost. Like it was more bestial than anything, even if it was recognizably him.
Also, his right shoulder was really irritating him at the moment, but he wasn't sure why. It felt like there was something moving around on it, but he didn't dare try to touch it – if Summer had warned him not to, he figured there had to be a good reason for it.
"Look, this is going to take some explaining," Summer began, her voice cautious.
"Why's that? Is there something wrong with me?"
"Well… 'wrong' is a strong word..." He was about to start freaking out before she gently placed a hand on his head. "Easy, easy. Look, it's just… there have been some… adjustments. Let me ask you something first: are you still hungry, and itchy?"
"Very," he replied. "Now, what's the big deal? I promise I won't freak out."
"Well, let me put it like this – they're not quite sure what's wrong with you. Apparently, they're never seen anything quite like it before. They're calling it the G-Virus..."
That was all he needed to hear. Jaune quickly threw the covers off of himself, then rushed over to the mirror. And it was… well, it was bad. His entire body looked relatively fine on the left side, save for all the torn clothes, blood, and pus. The right side was where things started to get gnarly. There was exposed muscle and bone, even more blood and pus, and most striking of all, a giant eyeball on his right shoulder, one that wouldn't stop blinking and making gross noises whenever it moved.
I don't know if it makes things better or worse that I can actually see out of it.
Truthfully, he wasn't sure how to take any of this. Sure, he was now an inhuman abomination… that was it. He was now an inhuman abomination, and he wasn't sure how to take it. So much for getting out of Beacon looking like a male model, like all the other Huntsmen. Now he just looked like… hell, he wasn't even sure what he looked like, besides a monster.
Also, he had a very strong desire to nut right now. That wasn't directly related, or at least he didn't think it was directly related, but damn if it wasn't overpowering.
"You're taking this rather well," Summer observed.
"Because I don't know how to take it," Jaune said, his voice continuing to come out distorted. "I really don't-"
He turned towards her, only to pause instantly at what he saw. Summer was… not Summer. The white cloak was still there, sure, but she looked different – similar to him in some ways, but still radically different. Less grotesque, though that was relative. Her skin had turned gray, the blood vessels and arteries darkening. Chitinous growths had sprouted all along her body, seeming to form a crude armor of some kind. Her figure was still there, it was just buried beneath layers of… whatever this new form was. But even then, he had to admit that she still looked amazing.
"Surprise," she said softly.
Jaune shook himself out of his stupor. "Summer…? What's-"
"It's not the same as what you have," she stated. "Yours is a… mutation of sorts, apparently. They're calling mine the T-Veronica virus, for some reason. I'm not entirely clear on where these names are coming from, but at this point, I don't care."
The two of them fell silent yet again, neither one seeming to know what to say. Finally, Jaune cleared his throat.
"So… what now?"
Summer seemed surprised to hear him ask the question, though she quickly recovered. "Well, from what I can gather, there's probably a lot we can do now that we couldn't before. It'll take some testing, but I bet that these new forms are quite powerful. And honestly, there's one thing I've been wanting to do ever since I came back."
"Lay it on me."
Her only response was to smirk.
There was no way of describing the scene before him as anything less than sheer pandemonium. Fires were raging, gunshots were going off, the air was filled with the sounds of screaming and guttural moans… it was sheer chaos. Not really Jaune's thing at all.
Summer was having a good time, at least.
"How do you like that, you egg-laying bimbo?! This is for that time you purposely got some of your red in the washing machine with my white cloaks!" she shouted as yet another of her 'creations' - the one with the exposed brain and the long tongue – succeeded in tearing down yet another hut before taking a pass at the terrified bandits inside. Their resistance was no match for the creature, and within moments, they joined the rest of their comrades on the ground.
Jaune merely sighed as he watched the scene in front of him. Truthfully, when Summer had brought this up to him, he had expected it to be for a much more obvious reason, namely the one having to do with the other blonde-haired and blue-eyed man in her life. But no, according to her that relationship was over and neither one of them cared anymore. No, this was for entirely different reasons, and much pettier ones than that.
When Summer sicced that big guy with the trenchcoat and fedora on the camp as revenge for Raven first walking out on Tai and Yang, he understood. When she let loose the even bigger guy who wouldn't shut the fuck up about stars for some reason to get back at Raven for not coming back to the family when Summer had died, he completely got it. But now she was doing things like sending giant tarantulas after the Branwen tribe for that one time that Raven stole some of her underwear when they were back at Beacon, or letting loose the (zombie) hounds of war because Raven stole some of her Dust almost two decades ago.
No wonder Dad gave me that talk about women being petty before I left home.
Frankly, he was just happy that he had kept all his mental faculties about him after his transformation instead of all these other poor fools. He didn't know the Gods all that well besides knowing for a fact that they existed and seemed to like him somewhat, but he had to imagine that they were most likely not very happy about the fact that Summer was technically resurrecting the dead every time a corpse rose up and began to do her bidding.
"Hey, brother?"
"Yes, brother?"
"The Rose woman has created another abomination. Should we do something about it?"
"How bad is it?"
"She spliced fly DNA together with a human embryo, creating something straight out of that old horror movie from many decades ago."
"Well, that's not good. Is it at least funny?"
"Hilarious, in a cosmic sort of way. I say we just sit back and let it ride."
"Good enough for me. Who knows, maybe she'll find a way to deal with Salem."
"We can only hope, brother."
Shaking those thoughts away from his head, Jaune looked over to Summer. And then he made sure to also look over with his actual eyes, not just his gross shoulder eye. Anyway, she looked like she was having the time of her un-life as she cut down all of Raven's inbred hick bandit tribe, then turned them into the living dead to do her bidding. The only saving grace for all of this was that Raven herself wasn't actually here, because according to Summer, 'Taiyang has had enough loss in his life and I'm not about to make him go through it for a third time, no matter how much I hate that bitch.'
He wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, but at this point, he had bigger problems, such as the fact that the tribe's blacksmith was currently having his mouth tentacle-fucked by the big guy with the rocket launcher and his right eye stapled shut.
Yes, I used the 1999 design. Wanna fight about it?
Anyway, the point was, this shit was getting out of control. Frankly, he wasn't quite on board with all of this, but he knew better than to go against the woman who was starting up her own army of undead abominations.
Oh, and she was also the mother of two of his closest friends, and his girlfriend. Couldn't forget that.
Thankfully, she seemed to have had her fill (of revenge, that is; thankfully she didn't seem to have partaken in any of the cranium consuming that was going on here). She moved over to him, sighing contentedly before jumping into his arms. He raised an eyebrow.
"Comfortable?"
"You know it," she replied.
"So, what now?"
She hummed in thought for a moment. "Well, I guess we could go back to Beacon."
Oh, thank the Gods. He needed a break after all of this. It was just getting too crazy.
"Then again..."
Or not.
"Then again," she continued, "I think maybe we ought to go for the big one."
"The big one?"
"The one who killed me, obviously."
"...Is that wise? I mean, she did kill you."
"True. But now I'm not alone."
Yeah, she had him.
"I've got Nemmy and Mr. X, here."
Ow, my pride.
"Oh, and I've also been meaning to try out that dragonfly form thing I've been working on," she added as an afterthought.
"Dragonfly thing?"
She waved him off. "You're better off not knowing, trust me. Anyway, I guess we should head home for now. I do miss my girls, after all."
Yeah, he could tell. Luckily, everyone seemed to have acclimated to her… 'condition' pretty quickly. He wasn't quite so lucky (Weiss was still running off to vomit every time she heard the eyeball on his shoulder move), but they were slowly getting used to it. He just hoped that they'd get used to Summer's little army as fast as he had, otherwise Vale was going to start looking an awful lot like a zombie apocalypse.
How is this going to work, anyway? Don't all these things need to eat? I mean, I guess she can just feed the White Fang to them or something – she did mention getting back at them for what they did to her kids, and it's not like anyone will actually miss the world's most incompetent terrorist group or anything – but still, that's a rough way to go for anyone.
She poked him in the chest, getting his attention. "Come on, let's head back and rest up. And then we can work on making more creations together."
Not generally what you wanted to hear from your girlfriend, but it was either this or flushing it down the toilet, and he wasn't sure if he could trust those gross-looking embryo things to control themselves, not after the incident with the frog things Summer had accidentally let get into the sewers.
Still, he didn't need to be told twice. The two of them set off, Summer's large-and-growing zombie army behind them. This wasn't how Jaune had expected things to go when he had prayed to the Gods, but there was at least one silver lining to it.
At least I actually have a girlfriend now.
Because I'm such a huge Resident Evil fan that there was only ever going to be one way this chapter was going to end once I introduced the concept of zombie!Summer.
This was another fun one, maybe because I got to share my love of Resident Evil once more. I think I made it obvious how much I love that series when I expressed my desire to turn my Beretta 92FS into a Samurai Edge clone (which I've made zero progress on, BTW – I found a guy who will do the custom grips, but it's harder than you think trying to get an Inox barrel and a Brigadier slide, and don't get me started on the engravings), but this is my chance to really show just how much I love it.
No shade intended with the Nemesis 1999 comment either, by the way – I prefer his 1999 design, but I enjoyed Remake 3 well enough. I liked the original RE3 better, but then again I liked the original RE2 better than Remake 2, because I guess I'm just old-fashioned. What can I say except that I actually like tank controls, and I swear I'm not just being contrarian with that.
Anyway, Summer was tough to work with. I had to address the big elephant in the room that was Taiyang, so I hope I did a good job of that. I mainly wanted to do this without making it a heavy AU, because that seemed like it would be too obvious, but at the same time I definitely didn't want any NTR. So instead I went with "They've both moved on and they're both happy about it, and that's the end of that". Besides that, we know so little about Summer that it was tough trying to fill in the blanks. Some of what I wanted to do (having her confront Ruby over her choice to be a Huntress, having her visit her own grave) ended up being way too tragic, so I couldn't work with it. That left me to find something else, which led to the zombie thing.
Anyway, if you aren't a Resident Evil fan, you're probably very confused right now, so I'll explain some of it here: Jaune is basically William Birkin/G, what with the eyeball thing he has going on. His gross eyeball noises are a reference to the noise his shoulder eyeball makes whenever it moves in the original RE2, which is very gross in that late 90s sound effects sort of way. I recommend looking it up if you aren't familiar with it – just go on YT and search "William Birkin (1st Form, Leon B) – Resident Evil 2 Boss Battle" if you're curious about what I'm talking about. Beyond that, Summer is Alexia Ashford, and the dragonfly thing is a reference to her notoriously difficult second form. The other stuff (the brain monster, the fly people, the giant tarantulas, Nemesis, and the guy with the trenchcoat and fedora/Mr. X) are all monsters from the series.
Now, despite this chapter's difficulty, I had a good time with it. It was tough to find a rhythm at first, but once I did, I sort of ended up blowing through it pretty fast. It's not quite in my top 5 for this story, but it's close – maybe top ten. You all know my three favorites already, but in addition to those, I'd say that Salem, Yang, Neo, and a few others were more fun overall to work on than this one, but only by a bit.
...Then again, it's tough to narrow it down – I've had a good time with pretty much all of these chapters.
Also, before I go: a quick shout-out to everyone who reviewed last chapter, especially all the guests. Seriously, I did not expect that kind of response on that chapter, and seeing it get that popular that fast put a huge smile on my face. You're all awesome people and I'm so happy that I get to write for you all. Thank you all so much.
Next update: Saturday, October 17.