Chapter Eighteen - Haunted
'Who is Dimitri?' The words tumbled from her lips, innocently, effortlessly as she watched her husbands whole being shift at an instant. She narrowed her eyes upon him, a fresh wave of confusion flooding her core. Henry inhaled a shaken breathe as he diverted his gaze from her for a few moments, he cleared his throat as his mind went to war, his leg slowly beginning to twitch as the unresolved angry rose like a phoenix out of the fire. He glanced at her and loosened his grip on her hand, a harsher stare beamed down on Elizabeth, something that didn't go a miss, for as soon as Henry looked at her, a cold shiver of fear ran down her spine.
'Who is he?' It was a clear reply from her, not a single drop of hesitation as she spoke directly to him. He tilted his head to the side, stretching out his neck as his lips pressed together, the reminder for Henry came within a pulse of a heart beat, the mental space between them that should be filled with love, replaced with a void, one so black no light could penetrate. A wound that cannot be healed, no matter how much salve is poured on. Elizabeth had no idea, just how deep this wound cut, but she could tell it was open, and raw.
'Hiding behind silence won't help Henry. Why do you feel so compelled to hide this from me? What are you so afraid of?' She caught herself off guard as she spoke, words that were intended to be soft and somewhat encouraging came out colder and sharper. A cocktail of emotions began to brew inside her as she came to the realisation that Dimitri was the knife to this wound Henry was bearing. Her eyes flickered with confusion and tiredness, the silence rubbing against her like sand paper as she impatiently awaited to hear her husband speak.
'Not tonight, not now, It's too soon, where did you even get that name from?' He finally reasoned.
'I don't know, I told you, it just came in my thoughts' she shrugged, unaware of the severity one name has caused. Henry shook his head and repeated himself once again,
'Not tonight, it's too complicated and too soon' It was true, to both of them; it was far to soon for Elizabeth to fully comprehend the magnitude of Dimitri, for he was a pawn piece in a much wider game. However, it was also too soon for Henry, he couldn't allow his anger to surface, he wasn't ready to have that conversation with her, in fact in the very moment she asked, he wasn't sure he wasn't ever ready to tell her the full scope of this young spy who was a catalyst within the failings of their marriage. Elizabeth shook her head, a glimmer of disappointment setting in as Henry was supposed to be helping, yet he was leaving her more confused.
'Fine, I still have one more question then' she quipped. Henry was shocked that she dropped it so quickly, and without a fight.
'Are you ok?' He asked, genuine worry fuelling him as he leant back closer to her, examining her, his eyes flickered to the machines she was hooked up too, all vital signs were ok, so he looked back at her and furred his brow watching as she simply shrugged.
'Ouch' she cursed as she dropped her shoulders back down. 'Fine, I think. Confused-' her eyes widened on him, a clear gesture that he wasn't helping.
'We can't talk about that now, it's a big issue. A political one and a personal one. It was messy and complicated when you had all of your memory, let alone now' and there was the truth that Elizabeth had been searching for.
'The doctors did say my memory will come back eventually, so I'll remember at some point…' she lingered on the last word, hoping to prompt him to speak
'I said not now Elizabeth.' The angry reared its head. Elizabeth jerked at his response, the sudden moment caused a surge of pain through her core and she inward groaned. Henry rose to his feet and rubbed her back, instinct took over. 'Sorry babe, I didn't mean-'
'It's fine' she shut him off. 'So why have you been sleeping on the couch? Is that something to do with Dimitri?' She pressured further.
'How did you know that?' The words fell before he could stop them, he knew that shouldn't have been his response. Elizabeth remained silent this time as she waited for an answer. 'It was only for two nights, then we flew to Geneva'
'But why were you there? Henry you cannot give me partial information its leaving me more confused, I have more questions now than when you first walked in, you're supposed to be making this easier' she snapped, the fire began to burn within igniting all those lost feelings, the feelings of anger, upset and frustration began bubbling, although she didn't know what they were a result of, she knew it wasn't due to her current physical injuries, something told her these feelings run deeper.
'Well, lets stop then' he stepped away from the bed, his back towards her as his hands rubbed through his hair.
'No, you said two questions, that's two of mine you've avoided. Did you really expect me to ask something like 'Who's piper?' Come on Henry, you know me better than that. Tell me.' She pushed again.
He pushed himself up onto his tip toes and back down again, almost as if he was trying to pump the anger away through his foot. His eyes squeezed tightly shut as he met her with silence again, this time unable to speak, for he knew his words would be harsh, unforgiving and loud. Elizabeth knew that stance, she knew the moments of hesitation from him were one of two reasons; distress or fear. Perhaps both, her chest slowly rose and fell heavily as she watched.
'Henry' a pleading whisper escaped her, as did a single tear which ran down her cheek. She flicked her head and wiped it away, but as he turned to face her he spotted her. A sad smile crept onto his face as he swallowed the lump in this throat. He resumed his place on the side of her bed and ran his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the residue of her tear. Sadness consumed them.
'What did I do?' Her breath shook as the distress and fear of her own sunk in. Henry sucked in his breath internally as he sniffled, how did he answer this…
'Nothing, you didn't do anything'
'Don't lie to me, why are you lying to me?' She shook her head and simply frowned at him.
'I'm not, you didn't do anything, you followed presidential orders and you had no other choice you had to-'
'Think of the greater good' she whispered as flashes of Geneva came back. He silently cursed, the doctor had previously mentioned that key words and/or phrases would trigger her memory, and of course for the greater good was the rationale for all of this.
'There — there was an explosion, I seen it coming, but I couldn't stop it. I was there — by the car I mean, I was on the phone to you…' she looked up at him, desperately searching for answers as she glanced into his eyes, the devastation of Geneva a light within them. '… I was on the phone to you, why? You said we flew to Geneva, so why didn't we fly home together, Stevie said you left earlier than me, she meant Geneva. Why did you leave?' She paused as all the thoughts span around and around.
'That's more than one more question' he softly chuckled trying to defuse a situation before it even became apparent but Elizabeth scowled showing her lack of amusement by his humour. Henry pulled his hand back away from her and rest it upon his lap. Henry just sat back, knowing she was smart enough and more to the point determined to start to piece this together, He sat still and rigid, ready to bare the storm.
'You said we were ok' the soft tones fell. It wasn't the reaction Henry expected, he turned his head and watched her, she was sat up, her eyes narrowed and looking down into her lap, the wrinkles upon her forehead indicating that she was thinking endlessly, until they softened and she peeled her eyes away from her lap, up to his face. Fear striking her.
'But we're not, are we? You're sleeping on the couch, leaving Geneva before me, I..I was leaving you a voicemail, I couldn't get hold of you. You can't even stay in the room, you couldn't even hug me earlier without prompting.' She swallowed the truth as it hit her repeatedly, she glanced down to her hands, wedding ring on she thought to herself, a tiny wave of relief washed over her and a shallow breath fell from her slightly parted lips.
'We're not no, we're not ok' he confirmed with the dipping of his head. She froze, unfamiliar territory waded in.
'How long?' She asked as she subconsciously twisted her wedding rings on her finger.
'Sorry?'
'How long have we been like this? Because I know this isn't the result of an argument, or two or three for that matter. When you gave me the ultimatum all those years ago no one slept on the couch, so I don't know how, or what has happened so you can at least tell me how long this has been going on.' She tried desperately hard not to cry.
'That depends how you want to look at it, we've had our struggles since Iran, but id say this has been a little over a month' he sadly admitted, 'Please get some rest Elizabeth, I need it too' he whispered, pleading with her, giving her a realisation that she wasn't the only one in the room mentally and physically exhausted. Unable to comprehend any other response other than an infiltration of questions she silently nodded and slowly lowered herself back onto her pillows, a vacant expression as her body attempted the digestion of the truth.
'Lay with me?' She asked, holding out her hand as much as possible, waiting for the connection from him, but she was met with hesitation…
'I've got to go and check the kids, get them sorted before they either stay the night somewhere or fly home' he cleared his throat and climbed off the bed. Elizabeth swallowed her disappointment for a few moments waiting for him to leave the room before breaking into sobs. The emptiness of the room felt loud and unnerving, her body hurt with each cry she gave permission too. She lay there crying, unable to stop until she drifted back to sleep.
She was unsure just how long she had been asleep for as she stirred, something pressed into her side, her tired eyes slowly flickered open and fixed upon the figure settling down beside her. Henry.
'I'm sorry' he whispered as he kissed the side of her tangled blonde hair. The redness of her eyes and tear stained cheeks destroyed him more than any of her injuries. 'I shouldn't have left, of course I'll lay with you. I'll always lay with you' he nuzzled into her and began to rub her arm softly as she carefully tucked into him as best she could, still unable to speak as she lay even more confused than ever, sure he came back but she will always be haunted with the memory that he did leave.