AN: I am blown away by the reviews/messages I have recieved about this fic! I cannot thank you all enough. I have been writing so much recently and your reviews are really helping motivate me so please keep them coming and I promise to keep the chapters flowing!

This was supposed to be a one-shot and here we are chapter 19, and no where near half way through! I hope you all stay on this journey with me. I know things are angst in this fic for now, but I promise it is worth it in the end.

Thanks again, Lauren x

Chapter Nineteen - Carrying On

Present Day - 8 Months after the Geneva Attack.

Elizabeth's life had changed in more ways than she could have ever imagined, in truth there were times she felt like she had completely underestimated just how public her divorce would be, how far the news of her press conferences actually travels. The official statement had been released just fifteen days ago and Elizabeth barely felt like she had a moment to breathe anymore, every time she stepped outside her house or the state department the press consumed her, sucking the air from her lungs with every question and accusation thrown her way. The only small mercy was that Alison and Jason had reported that none of them, nor Henry were being followed by the media like she was.

Elizabeth sat in her office, once again just trying to pass the time before she mustered up the energy to head home. Stevie had sent her a message earlier in the day to say she was staying at Jareth's house again and she would be home tomorrow. Elizabeth sighed when reading it, she knew the only reason Stevie stayed In DC with her was because of her new boyfriend, but the harsh reality of an empty home was slowly chipping away at Elizabeth's protective armour. The sound of a knocking on the office door filled the room and Elizabeth called them in.

'Arh Blake, Nadine, oh and Daisy' she smiled falsely as they all walked up to her desk. 'Please do not tell me this is another media story' her eyes widened as a sarcastic smile spread across her face.

'Afraid so Madam Secretary' Daisy confirmed and turned the tablet so her boss could view the contents. Elizabeth's eyes scanned the article, once again various images of herself and Henry looking tired, or images of them together with deceptive concepts filled the pages. She inhaled deeply and looked up at Daisy,

'This is the same stuff all the time, why is this any different?' She asked, slightly irritated. Daisy scrolled down the page and turned the tablet back to face her,

'Because this one is claiming that Dr McCord has hired a Divorce lawyer already' Elizabeth looked at Daisy with an underlying anger brewing within. She finally understood why Blake was still in the room, he was the only one to be able to calm her recently.

'Madam Secretary, Daisy has been questioning if we should release another statement, perhaps highlighting when divorce proceedings will take place?'

'No thank you Nadine, the first statement was hard enough to release' she swallowed the bitter lump within her throat. 'Dr McCord didn't start the divorce proceedings, I did. I contacted them when I returned from Paris. That picture is correct, they are speaking to him, but it was my doing' she clarified. 'If that's all?' She looked above her glasses and watched as Daisy pressed her lips together fighting internally to keep her mouth closed.

'Daisy I don't want to hear another thing about any of this. I want to be kept away from it as much as possible please. There will not be any more official press release statements on the matter nor will there be any further discussion with me over it' she warned standing up from her desk

'But Madam secretary, with all due respect, If I don't know what's going on then how can I keep the media at bay?'

'Simple Daisy, because you don't know that information. You can't lie if you don't know the truth.' She quipped. 'Goodnight' Elizabeth pulled her coat and walked away from her office leaving them standing there. 'Oh and one more thing Daisy, Stop bringing Blake and Nadine in to soften the blow, it doesn't work anymore, you're a professional woman Daisy.' She tilted her head to the side and watched as Daisy sheepishly looked away whilst the other two stood like naughty school kids outside the principal's office.

Once Elizabeth arrived home the sound of the silence was there to greet her, like an old friend. She placed her bag on the side and kicked her shoes off, her heart sinking a little as they fell in similar positions to the one she kicked off yesterday, the ones that Henry would have normally picked up and put away for her by now. She walked barefoot into the kitchen trying to not get too consumed by her thoughts. As she pulled the fridge door back she groaned at the lack of inspiration she was met with.

'I need to get some food in' she mumbled to herself as she rooted around for leftovers, but how can there be leftovers when there is no one here to cook for. With a slam of the door she closed the fridge and raided the freezer for ice cream, thankfully there was plenty. She retrieved a tub and grabbed a fork, she paused for a moment, a fork… Henry was the very person who ate ice cream with a fork, it was something she picked up from him. Her chest walls closed in a little as she closed her eyes and swallowed the emotions. She slowly put the fork back and pulled out a spoon, determined to carry on as normal without him by her side.

With a push of the hip she closed the draw and walked into the lounge, settling down on the couch and pulling the blanket over her for added comfort. She reached for the TV remote and flicked through the channels, often she would find herself watching the news but lately she struggled, every other storyline was a report on herself or Henry and it was something she didn't have the stomach for anymore. Henry… she paused at the thought of his name once again, she then stood up and walked to her bag, she began rooting around for her phone, remembering that she had a voice mail from him yesterday that she still hadn't listened to. She grabbed her phone and let out a small sigh of relief when she realised it was still there; waiting for her to listen.

As she resumed her place on the couch she took a spoonful of ice cream and began to unlock her phone. Her body tensed as she pressed the call button to listen to the voicemail. Neither Henry nor Elizabeth had spoken to one another since she hung up on him in Paris just six days ago, she only knew he was ok through contact with the kids. She waited, wondering what it was he had to say, her mind racing with thoughts as she pondered the contents. Her heart began to flutter as she heard his voice come through the phone.

'Hey, I was hoping to catch you but I guess I'll just leave you a message. I know I am probably the last person you want to hear from right now, I get that. I got information about meeting up with the divorce lawyers. I am meeting them tomorrow, but that's not why I called. I..Urm… I just wanted to apologise for what happened last time we spoke. I know you didn't have an affair, I know you'd never betray me or anyone like that and I am sorry I even thought about it for a second. I was just so mad…I miss you so much and… I can't stop thinking about you. I guess I was just calling to check if you're doing ok… I'm not, life is really hard without you. I keep wondering if—…, I'm sorry Elizabeth, and for what it's worth, I love you.'

The phone went silent. Elizabeth held it to her chest and clutched it close to her. Her heart yearned for him but she knew it wasn't any use, they couldn't amend all of the broken parts, neither could seemingly forgive either. She pulled the blanket up over her legs and tucked them into her chest. Silent tears streamed down her face as her mind reminded her of their once happy memories, endless amounts of love and admiration for Henry came seeping in as her silent tears turned to heart wrenching sobs. She needed him.

Her breath caught in her throat as she cried out, her body violently shaking as her barriers came crashing down and her heart exploded with hurt. She was angry with herself, she had somehow adapted an inability to forgive him, she knew the exact moment when he had broken her trust just that little bit too much, forcing it beyond repair, yet she also blamed herself, had she not pushed him to it he wouldn't have ever done that to her.

Her whimpering cries continued as her chest walls drew tighter the more she searched for the air to breathe, her mind forcing her to remember the night she lost all respect for Henry…

A little over four months ago…

'You should have told me' She slammed her fist into the counter. 'You knew all this time, all this Time I've been questioning you, wondering if it was my perception, was it the remains of my amnesia, wondering what the hell I've done wrong. You should have told me Henry' she roared, her body a fire ready to burn the house down.

'And say what? You and the President made a decision that I didn't agree on?'

'Don't simplify it Henry! It's far more complicated than that and you know it! Henry, I've been going to therapy thinking it was me!'

'You're in therapy to help you overcome the attack in Geneva' he snorted back at her.

'For all of It Henry! For all of Geneva, including the moments I've recently remembered, the moments where you walked out on me there too!' She shook her head as her legs restlessly moved on the spot, the anger spilled from every inch of her skin.

'What?'

'You walked out on me, in the hospital and in Geneva, is that what we do now? We walk out on one another?' She snapped

'Is that what we do now? Refuse to help save innocent lives?' He verbally pushed her back.

'Oh don't give me that'

'What? Tell me what I am supposed to say then? Did you even speak to Conrad? Did you even try to talk him out of it? To take the apology option instead? He jibed and she saw red.

'Oh you have a nerve…' she warned

'Well did you?' He continued to push the conversation further down a slippery slope

'Yes! Yes I did Henry but when he made his mind up I knew I had to agree, and I understood the rationale behind his decisions!' She shrieked as she tried to argue her point. Henry shook his head and snapped his hands down on the kitchen island

He roared 'A young god damn innocent boy has probably died because we didn't help him Elizabeth!'

'Henry I am not discussing Dimitri with you anymore, this is about us, about you and me. Henry you knew all about Geneva, the parts which happened between you and I and yet you failed to mention any of it' She bit the inside of her mouth hard, determined to not let her anger transpire into tears.

'So you're giving up on Dimitri then' he resided

'ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HENRY' she shouted, every vessel in her body pumping with blood as she screamed at her husband like she had never screamed at anyone before. The frustration and disappointment within him, within their marriage all spilled into one moment of rage. She was met with a wall of silence from him, he acknowledged her, she knew that as his gaze was now fixed on her and his mouth twisted in anger as his eyes burnt through her but nothing was said.

'Henry we're a mess, we're heading for a divorce at this rate-'

'Don't be so stupid Elizabeth this is just an argument'

'No Henry this is more than this and you know it' she gritted her teeth trying to muster the energy to continue talking 'I am seriously worried about our marriage Henry' she admitted.

'I don't care, right now Elizabeth all I am worried about is how I am supposed to continue working for this government when they go against everything I believe in, because god forbid this countries state department, and the head of that department would do anything to help anyone else unless there was something in It for them' He snapped.

'Our marriage is in ruins, and you don't care?' She clarified, it was then the realisation had dawned upon Henry, the reality of what he said had sunk in and he struggled to muster the words to rectify the situation, he made his statement. She stood shocked staring at him, wondering how the hell they came back from this, or if they would make it back at all.

She lay with a heavy chest, having Henry not believe in her, their marriage or her work was a final straw of destruction for her, how had everything changed, where had it all gone wrong. A young couple who grew tremendously together had outgrown one another, a harsh reality that would sit with them forever, accompanying them like an old friend.