Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 37: ?
When Jaune woke up, he wasn't in his dorm room, like he had expected to be. Instead, he was in a blank white room, filled with several dozen chairs… and just as many copies of himself, all staring at him. He blinked, then brought a hand up to rub his head.
"Man… these dreams are getting weirder all the time," he commented.
"Oh, you wish this was a dream," one of the other Jaunes said.
"What do you mean? Clearly, this is a dream, because it doesn't make sense otherwise."
"I can prove it to you. Stand still."
Jaune did, not expecting what this other Jaune was going to do. He was unprepared for the other Jaune to walk up and just slap him in the face.
"Ow!" Jaune said. "What was that for?"
"To make you see sense," the other Jaune said. "Now you realize you aren't dreaming, right?"
"Yes, but what the fuck?! You could have just pinched me or something, you dick!"
"Sorry. It's just that I've had to do this over thirty fucking times now, so I'm kind of out of patience."
"Hold that thought."
Before the other Jaune had a chance to react, Jaune retaliated with a slap of his own. Other Jaune seemed stunned at first, but after a moment, he recovered, rubbing the new red spot on his cheek with resignation.
"...Alright, yeah, I deserved that," he acknowledged. "Okay, now that that's out of your system, will you come sit down with us already?"
"Maybe. Then again, I'm not really in the habit of accepting invitations from people who hit me."
"Look, we kind of need you here, so will you just take a fucking seat already so we can all hurry this along?"
"...Fine."
With one last sideways glance at the other Jaune, Jaune took a seat in the circle with the other Jaunes. Looking around, he noticed that while they all looked almost exactly the same as him, a few of them had some key differences – there was a Jaune who had cybernetics running up his back, a Jaune who was carrying a little baby girl, and several Jaune who looked like they hadn't slept in weeks, among other things. In addition, every Jaune was wearing a nametag of some kind, though curiously enough, it didn't just have their own names. Confused, he leaned over to the nearest other Jaune, who was wearing a nametag that read 'Ruby!Jaune.'
"Excuse me," he commented. "What's with the nametags?"
"It's a way of identifying ourselves," Ruby!Jaune answered. "Since we're all so similar, and all. We kind of need this to tell us apart."
"Right, but what does it mean? I don't really get it."
Ruby!Jaune blinked. "...Just out of curiosity: are you dating anyone back in your own world?"
"What do you mean, my own world?"
"Just answer the question."
"No, I'm not."
A few other Jaunes exchanged surprised glances with each other before looking back to him. "Well," said one, whose nametag read 'Blake!Jaune', "this is quite the development."
"What do you mean? Is that bad?"
"Nope," said the original Other Jaune, who Jaune now noticed was wearing a nametag that said 'Goddess!Jaune.' "In fact, it's quite good – perhaps we can warn you off the path we've found ourselves on."
"Okay, someone is going to have to start explaining things, because I'm very confused. What's going on here?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Goddess!Jaune stretched out his arms. "This is a support group for Jaunes who have problems dating. We're all here to show some comraderie and brotherly love to each other, because Goddesses know that we're not going to get it from anyone else."
"...So, that means that all those nametags-"
"Yup. They signify who each respective Jaune is dating in his universe."
"...Huh." Jaune looked across from him, and found a Jaune who was taking great care to conceal his nametag. "Who'd he get?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know."
"Actually, I kind of do. I want to know who's so horrible that I have to avoid them."
"Trust me, you're better off not knowing. It's not like it's something that has any chance of happening in your universe, either."
"But I can't know that until I see."
"Buddy, believe me, you don't want to-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Qrowe!Jaune said, rolling his eyes. "It's Saphron, okay? Dude's banging his sister."
Jaune paused… and then began to dry-heave. Saphron!Jaune sighed tiredly. "...Yeah, everyone else had that same reaction, too."
"Because she's our sister!" Ruby!Jaune exclaimed. "What's wrong with you?!"
"I don't know, what's wrong with you? I don't know if you've noticed, but you're kind of banging a fifteen-year-old. That's creepy."
"I'm only two years older than her, she's okay with it, and most importantly, she's not my fucking sister!"
"Look, I can get away with sleeping with Saphron because of the no chromo clause. Unless your universe has a similar no pedo clause, I suggest you shut the fuck up."
"All of you shut the fuck up," Goddess!Jaune said. "I'm in charge here, since I put this whole thing together in the first place."
"How does this even work, by the way?" Eve!Jaune asked. "I find it hard to believe that you managed to sleep with the Goddesses."
"Oh, I did. It wasn't easy, but I did. Trust me, you don't want to know."
"Was it better or worse than the guy who fucked our girl self?"
"Uh, I'll have you know that Jeanne's pussy game is ridiculous," Jeanne!Jaune said, crossing his arms. "And so is Pyrrha's, for that matter. Yeah, I got a threesome out of it, what of it?"
"So did I," Malachites!Jaune interrupted. "And my universe didn't even collapse afterwards."
"Speaking of which," Roma!Jaune questioned, "why is he even here? Shouldn't he have been atomized when his multiverse shit itself?"
"He should have been, but I told my girlfriends that I needed all of us here, so they brought him back just this once," Goddess!Jaune said.
"What, you asked? Dude, you're fucking whipped."
"It's hard not to be when my girlfriends are the single most powerful entities across all space and time. Keep that in mind the next time you insult me, because I just might have them pay your world a visit."
"Whatever you say, beta."
"We're all Jaunes here," RV!Jaune pointed out. "That means we're pretty much all betas… well, except for me and Jeanne!Jaune."
"Hang on, what does RV!Jaune mean?" Jaune asked.
"It means I banged both Vernal and Raven."
"...Who's Vernal?"
"My new baby mama, apparently. Don't worry – she's into it."
"Then why are you here with your kid?"
"Because I'm not about to leave her there with Vernal! That'd be stupid."
"And bringing her to group therapy is better?"
"If you knew Vernal, you'd agree with me."
"Okay, look," Goddess!Jaune said. "Can we just get this shit started already? I'd like to get this over with."
"If you're not into it, then why even organize this whole thing?"
"Because I know that the rest of you need it, and also because it gets me away from the girls for a bit. I figured you'd all appreciate that, too."
"...Alright, point conceded. Am I cool to go first?"
"Go ahead."
"Okay." RV!Jaune cleared his throat. "Hi, everybody. I'm RV!Jaune."
"Hi, RV!Jaune," they all said in tandem.
"I'm here because my new baby mama is a crazy bandit from a tribe full of inbred hicks who's obsessed with making me more alpha. She succeeded, and ever since then, she's been all over me. I know that sounds great, but believe me, when you're trying to juggle it along with studying to be a Huntsman and raising a kid, it's a lot to take in."
"That's what she said," Yang!Jaune quipped, earning a punch in the shoulder from Weiss!Jaune. "Ow!"
"Behave yourself," Weiss!Jaune chided. "We're supposed to rub off on our girlfriends, not the other way around."
"Oh, there's be plenty of time for that later, trust me."
"Anyway," RV!Jaune continued, "I don't really need any advice. I mean, you're free to give it, but it won't work on Vernal. Being a bandit, she doesn't quite understood anything that's not fighting, eating, or banging."
"Sounds like a handful," Jaune stated. "Why go for her, then?"
"Dude, I'm not even in my twenties and I already have a kid with a woman old enough to be my mother. I don't exactly have a lot of options, here."
"Alright, point taken."
"Look, I'm perfectly fine just venting about this."
"Oh, as long as we're venting, I have a story to tell," Ozpina!Jaune said. "It involves the headmistress of Beacon."
"You mean the headmaster of Beacon?"
"...Ozpina is a dude in your universe?"
"...Ozpin is a hot chick in yours?"
The two of them stared at each other for a moment before shuddering. After that, Ozpina!Jaune kept talking. "...Anyway, I banged the headmistress. It was pretty good, not gonna lie. Only it turns out that Ozpina… uh… has a little problem?"
"Is it that she's old as shit?" Ruby!Jaune asked.
"Hey, just because you like them young doesn't mean the rest of us do."
"Why is he here, anyway?" Eve!Jaune asked. "Shouldn't he be on a list or something?"
"You're one to talk," Blake!Jaune replied. "Considering you're dating a wanted terrorist."
"Uh, she's reformed, excuse you. I mean, not fully reformed, but she's trying."
"How many people has she killed since you started dating her?"
"Zero, but she's currently trying to bring that number even lower by getting pregnant. She wants a whole fucking brood, apparently. Anything to outbreed the humans."
"...Am I correct in assuming that Mom approved?"
"That easy to tell, huh?"
"Look, can we focus on what's important, here?" Ozpina!Jaune asked. "Anyway, the thing with Ozpina is that she's apparently actually a centuries-old witch with untold power, and when she dies, her consciousness transfers to another host."
"Well, that can't be too bad," Jaune pointed out. "Sure, she's dead, but she's still your girlfriend, only in a hotter body. Also, that technically means that you'll always have a hot young piece of ass to get with even when you're old and crusty, and that she's got a lifetime of experience in all things sexual, and because you're now giving me a weird look I'm assuming that she ended up in someone horrible. Do I want to know?"
"It's Mom."
"Fucking oof. Hey, Goddess!Jaune, can we get this guy a stiff drink or something?"
"Way ahead of you," Goddess!Jaune said, conjuring up a tall glass of bourbon for Ozpina!Jaune, which he drank in one gulp.
"Wait, what the fuck, we can just conjure stuff here?" Nora!Jaune asked. "In that case, I want a million lien."
"It doesn't work that way," Goddess!Jaune explained. "I have to take it from somewhere else in the multiverse."
"So take like a million lien from Jackass Schnee and give it to me. Nobody cares if he dies poor."
"Why do people always assume that rich guys just have their assets sitting in a bank?" Winter!Jaune bemoaned. "Seriously, this is investing 101 – any billionaire worth their salt is going to put that into an investment of some kind. There's no way Jacques Schnee has anything more than a fraction of that money in his bank account."
"Do I look like I care? I just want to get rich. He can always transport a bunch of stock certificates into my hands or something instead, I'm not choosy."
"No, you're just an idiot."
"This is a moot point, because I'm not giving anyone anything," Goddess!Jaune said, crossing his arms. "Ozpina!Jaune gets booze because he's been through something horrible and he needed something to take the edge off. You get nothing because you're demanding it like a little whiny baby."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Next time I'll grovel at your feet for it and submit my request in triplicate first before I do anything else. Bitch."
"It'd be an improvement."
"So, as long as we're drinking to forget-" Saphron!Jaune began, only to be cut off.
"Dude, you were totally into it by the end, don't deny it."
"I wasn't!"
"Didn't you go for like six rounds with your sister during your first time with her?" Sienna!Jaune asked, raising an eyebrow.
"...I was pent up and figured that if I was gonna do it, I might as well go all the way."
"You know what? Horrible as that is, I respect it. It's still a massive L, don't get me wrong, but at least you're being honest about it. Unlike some people."
Summer!Jaune rolled his eyes – that is, one in his head and the giant one in his shoulder. "Oh, please. Is it really that hard to believe that maybe I like being a zombifibed monstrosity of science?"
"...Yes? Dude, have you looked in a mirror recently? You're an abomination."
"My girlfriend doesn't think so."
"Because she's also an abomination," Goddess!Jaune pointed out.
"Oh, like you wouldn't do her."
"I actually wouldn't, because I don't want a zombie STD."
"Do I even want to know why he's so fucked up?" Jaune asked.
"Trust me, you don't. It involves necrophilia."
"She was brought back to life, dude," Summer!Jaune pointed out.
"Yeah, as a walking corpse held together by aura and prayers. I don't know what your definition of 'alive' is, but mine is a bit more strict than that."
"If you're all done arguing amongst yourselves, do you mind if I go next?" Ilia!Jaune said. "Anyway, my name is Jaune."
"Hi, Jaune," they all echoed.
"And I'm here because it turns out that the girl who I loved was actually hardcore gay and was only dating me because she thought I was a masculine woman, and that my penis was actually my Faunus trait as a female hyena Faunus."
"...I'm sorry, what?" Jaune asked.
"I know, I know." Ilia!Jaune sighed. "I'll give you the basic explanation: female hyenas basically have a penis they bully the male hyenas with, because nature is damn scary. She thought I was a female hyena Faunus, and that I therefore had a penis. So she didn't think it was weird when we decided to start sleeping together and she found I was packing a little something extra in my pants."
"I'm guessing the relationship didn't last?"
"No, it didn't. She broke up with me when I tried to ask her to marry me."
"Ouch, dude. You gonna be okay?"
"I suppose so. I mean, it's not like things can go any more downhill after that, right? Might as well keep going and hope that one day I'll find someone I actually can give the ring to, preferably someone who isn't obsessed with Blake."
"Speaking of Blake," Eve!Jaune said, standing up. "Hi, everyone. I'm Jaune."
"Hi, Jaune," they all echoed.
"I'm dating Eve Taurus. I'm still confused on how that happened, but honestly? Very few complaints so far, except for two. The first is that she still hates humans, only she wants to breed them out of existence rather than kill them. As I mentioned earlier, her and Mom really got along great when they met, because they now have a mutual agreement going that Eve is going to wind up with at least six children of her own, courtesy of me."
"That doesn't sound too bad, actually," Jaune said.
"Oh, I didn't mean for it to sound bad. I honestly think that, all things considered, I probably got the best deal out of everyone here – my girl is absolutely insane, sure, but she's no longer a genocidal maniac, she's obsessed with me in every way, she's smoking hot, she can kick my ass six ways from Sunday if she so desires, she's always eager to fuck me, and she has basically banned me from ever using condoms. Oh, and again, Mom likes her a lot. I basically won the girlfriend lottery, as far as I'm concerned. Nah, the problem is Blake."
"Here, here," Blake!Jaune chimed in.
"Yeah, I should have figured that Eve's ex was going to cause issues. She's always trying to get me and Eve to break up, or otherwise trying to get Eve arrested. It's quite rude. It's not even like she wants to steal me from Eve, she just really doesn't like my girlfriend. I mean, I understand why, but just let it go, you know? So, any advice would be greatly appreciated."
"Have you tried spritzing her with water whenever she acts up?" Blake!Jaune asked. "That usually works. Or you can just bring out the big guns and cover Eve with catnip. Just know that if you do go that route, it will probably end in a threesome with Blake, so make sure that Eve's okay with it."
"Tempting as that would be, I don't think she'll go for it – she already hates the idea of me spilling a drop outside of her pussy, save for special occasions. Somehow I don't think she'd accept this as a special occasion."
"Oh, poor you," Jeanne!Jaune said. "You girlfriend loves you so much that she's willing to be perpetually pregnant with your children for like the next decade. I'm so sorry for you."
"I know – just think of how much money that's going to cost me and how much hell it's going to unleash on Eve's perfect hourglass figure."
"Oh, fuck off. I was being sarcastic, because your girlfriend is basically perfect and mine is an asshole."
"Isn't she just the girl version of us?" Reese!Jaune questioned.
"I know what I said."
"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore," Goddess!Jaune pointed out.
"Yes, I'm aware of that. And if it's okay with you, I think I'd like to hurry up and end this thing, so I can go back to partying it up in the afterlife."
"If you're that eager to go back to death, why even waste time talking instead of just sitting there silently like a loser?"
"Because after the shit I've been through, I think I've earned the right to bitch a little."
"You know what? That's fair. Bitch away, my friend."
"Alright, here goes: do you guys have any idea how much of an asshole we can be at times? Because I'll give you a hint: it's more than you'd think. Seriously, you never know just how insufferable you've been acting until you've come face-to-face with your other half."
"And fucked her?" Jaune asked.
"Yeah, and fucked her. She's so annoying, it's ridiculous. You think it'd be great to have a girlfriend who likes all the same stuff as you? Well, I'm here to tell you that it actually fucking sucks, because you end up having to share everything."
"Isn't that what having a regular girlfriend is like?" Sunny!Jaune asked. "Because my girlfriend steals my clothes and wears them around."
"Yeah, but that's cute. You know what's not cute? Having to share your Pumpkin Pete's with her. Or walking in on her reading your collector's edition comic books."
They all winced at that.
"And you know what's worse?" Jeanne!Jaune continued. "She knows everything I like in bed. Everything. Even the stuff that would kill my reputation if she found out about it."
"I'm gonna go ahead and guess she blabbed about it to everyone," Roma!Jaune said.
"That easy to tell, huh? Yeah, she fucking told the whole school."
"Tell me you got revenge."
"I mean, I did the same thing, but I wouldn't have if she hadn't started it."
"Can we take it back a bit?" Neo!Jaune asked. "Because I remember you mentioning a threesome with Pyrrha earlier. Did that actually happen?"
"Yup. Why do you ask?"
"Huh. I didn't think Pyrrha was interested in me."
"Oh, she is," Cinder!Jaune confirmed. "You're all just too blind to see it. Of course, it's too late for her now, because we're all taken by now… well, except for regular Jaune, so maybe he can get with her."
"Not likely," Goddess!Jaune said. "Unfortunately, that relationship would be short-lived for reasons."
"I mean, that's no reason not to try," Jaune protested.
"It is when those reasons involve someone burning to death. I'd tell you more, but I'm worried about breaking the fabric of your universe, so that's all you get. Bottom line is that you shouldn't go after Pyrrha."
"So what am I supposed to do, then? Just leave her as my beta orbiter?"
"Yup. Don't even try to go for a friends-with-benefits situation. Trust me."
"Who am I supposed to date, then?"
"Dude, look around you. Literally everyone else here managed to find love, even if it was in the most unlikely of places. We've got a dude who banged his own sister and a guy who's currently dick-deep in zombie MILF pussy. Hell, I'm banging twin goddesses. I think you'll manage to find someone out of everyone on Remnant to sleep with you."
"...You know, that actually does make me feel a bit better. Any ideas where I should look?"
"Menagerie," Eve!Jaune stated, earning a sideways glance from everyone else. "Oh, come on. I easily have the best relationship out of everyone here, and I'm telling you, there are plenty of Faunus women who go absolutely nuts for human men. You all might not think it, but trust me, to some of the girls over there, you're basically an all-you-can-eat buffet."
"Figuratively, I hope," Neo!Jaune said.
"Of course, figuratively. Did you think Faunus ate people or something?"
"I mean, we're talking the White Fang. I wouldn't put it past them. Your White Fang basically turned into a group of dedicated human cock concubines based purely off a passing suggestion from you they happened to like the idea of. All I'm saying is that it doesn't seem like it takes a whole lot to convince them to do something."
"Hell, sometimes it doesn't take any convincing at all," Ilia!Jaune said. "Unless you want them to stay, that is."
"Damn, dude. That's actually painful to hear. You want to talk about it?"
"I already did, and it only made things worse."
"Oh. Sorry; I kinda stopped paying attention after a bit. There's only so much depression I can take."
"No worries; I wouldn't listen to me, either."
"Real talk, you're a fucking hero for refusing to commit not-alive after that," Eve!Jaune said. "Serious props, my dude. And for real, anyone here without a girl should check out Menagerie."
"You know, that might not be the same in every universe," Jaune pointed out. "It could just be your own Menagerie that's like that."
"Hey, you won't know until you've been there. We've got multiple different Jaunes here who are dating Faunus, and I'm pretty sure they'll back me up on this. Right, fellas?"
"He's not wrong," Velvet!Jaune admitted. "Just know that Faunus are… uh… pretty kinky."
"There's a story there, I can tell."
"There is, and it involves a combination of Velvet's bare ass and Ozpin's cane swung with great force. Oh, and terrible roleplaying."
"Oof. Is there at least a silver lining to it?"
"Aside from getting to date a cute bunny Faunus with an accent? No, not really."
"For some men, that's enough."
"At least your girlfriend isn't a terrorist," Sienna!Jaune lamented. "I've been stuck on Menagerie for months now because the entirety of Remnant wants her dead, and I'm now an accomplice to her crimes."
"You make it sound like you killed someone."
"I fucking wish, because then I'd have actually earned it. Nah, I'm just the guy who was dumb enough to not break things off when it became clear that she didn't just think I was a human, she was actively in extreme denial about it because apparently being the leader of the White Fang and also dating a human at the same time caused her brain to short-circuit."
"Speaking of short-circuits," Penny!Jaune interrupted. "Anyone else here had to deal with an overprotective dad just yet?"
"Yo," Weiss!Jaune said.
"Wait, seriously? Weiss' dad, of all people?"
"I mean, being overprotective of his legacy is still being overprotective, even if it's just the legacy he cares about and he couldn't give less of a shit about what happens to Weiss."
"Damn, dude. That's cold."
"He's a Schnee, so it's not like he isn't used to it."
"Boo!" Yang!Jaune said. "Get better material!"
"Okay, I'll be honest," Jaune said. "The longer this goes on, the more I actually kind of hate all you people. All you're doing is sitting here, bitching about your girlfriends. What's wrong with you? If you've got a problem, why don't you actually try talking about it with them?"
"Dude, have you tried talking with any of the women we're dating?" Ruby!Jaune asked. "If it was normal people then yeah, you'd have a point. But these aren't normal people. Hell, my girl is basically autistic."
"So is mine, actually," Nora!Jaune added.
"Same, but in the quiet autism sort of way," Rin!Jaune said with a nod.
"Mine's gay and broke up with me," Ilia!Jaune lamented.
"Mine's a zombie," Summer!Jaune said.
"Alright, I get it!" Jaune shouted. "Look, I see where you're all coming from, okay? Really, I do. But this is just pathetic. Seriously, group therapy? Since when do men go to therapy? I was under the impression that we just went to the gym and lifted our problems away."
"We do, but that's a lot harder when your girlfriend can rep your max," Arslan!Jaune said.
"Okay, sure-" Jaune paused. "Wait, who are you? When did you get here?"
"Someone left the door open and I walked in."
"Who the hell is Arslan? I don't remember anyone mentioning Arslan."
"Consider this foreshadowing."
"Foreshadowing for what?"
"For a chapter that will probably come out in like a year, I don't know. Again, I'm only here because someone left the door open."
"Arslan!Jaune, you're early," Goddess!Jaune said, pulling out a notepad. "You're not supposed to come out for… well, I don't know how long, but not for awhile. I'm surprised you're even here – I didn't think there were that many jokes about your girlfriend."
"Dude, she's a tall, dark-skinned, muscular, martial arts-obsessed brawler who can go toe-to-toe with Yang and live. Do you have any idea how many boxes that ticks? If it comes down to it, Minaris will fucking ask for jokes if he has to, because if anyone is going to have a chapter on them, it'll be her. I'm pretty sure the reviewers will riot if she isn't in this fic."
"I'm surprised they haven't rioted yet already."
"You never know – this chapter just might be shitty enough to make it happen."
"You know, you're right. What do you say we end it?"
"Fucking do it. Everyone is complaining so hard that it's starting to smell like bitch in here. I say we leave everyone to their fates."
"Very well."
With that, Goddess!Jaune snapped his fingers. Jaune blinked, then looked around confused.
"You gonna do something, or…?"
"Give it a moment," Goddess!Jaune insisted. "Sometimes it takes a minute to kick in."
They waited for another couple of seconds, only for nothing to happen. Jaune shook his head and turned back to Goddess!Jaune, prepared to give him a piece of his mind… only for all hell to break loose.
The door came swinging open, revealing about thirty-or-so women standing there. Jaune recognized a few of them – Team RWBY and Nora among them – but there were others he didn't recognize, such as a girl who looked like ice cream, a tomboy with a hoverboard, and a bull Faunus wearing a modified Beacon uniform that was so skimpy it looked like she had just walked off the set of a porno.
"Looking good, beautiful," Eve!Jaune commented.
"Oh, don't think that will get you out of what's about to happen," Eve Taurus replied. "It's been a few hours since I've had a dick in me and I'm still not pregnant, so I'm going to pin you down and milk you until you're dry."
"Heh – you said 'milk' and you're a cowgirl."
"You're pressing your luck, mister."
"Oh no, I'm in for hours of passionate sex with the girl I love. What torture." He gave everyone else a sideways glance, paired with the smuggest grin Jaune had ever seen. "I'll hold her off, everyone. Go ahead and get away. Don't worry about me – I gladly give my body so you may escape. Just be sure to remember me as I once was."
"A horny bastard who can't stop rubbing it in that he's got it really good?" Jaune questioned.
"You know it. Anyway, here I go."
"Scatter!" one of the other Jaune yelled as Eve!Jaune basically flung himself towards his girlfriend, while all the other girlfriends descended on all the Jaunes.
"Everyone get your Jaune and go!" Glynda Goodwitch of all people said. "And I do mean your Jaune – any NTR here will be met with immediate execution! I may be incredibly kinky, but even I have my limits when it comes to degeneracy!"
And just like that, it was sheer pandemonium. Suddenly, the entire room was nothing but a massive orgy. Bodily fluids filled the air, along with the sounds of passionate, ball-slapping sex. Jaune stared at it before he grimaced, then turned away.
"Man, this sucks..." he muttered as he turned and began to walk through the door, his head lowered. "Everyone gets laid but me, yet again. I'm starting to think I'll be alone forever..."
He was so busy feeling sorry for himself that he never noticed the pair of black cat ears in the back of the crowd prick up at the sound of his lamentation.
Jaune stepped through the door, and just like that, his fate was sealed.
What's this? No cancellation this year? There's a reason for that – I figured you'd all see it coming after the one last year and wanted to try something a bit different. Plus, thinking about it, I'm not even sure what I was going to shit on would even be topical anymore – I haven't really been following the RWBY FFN archive all that seriously, so I have no idea what the current crop of done-to-death fic genres are. If I did, it'd be a lot easier to parody them, but since I haven't been reading all that much (because I'm too busy writing), I didn't feel qualified to bitch about it. Maybe that will change next year, but I don't know yet.
Anyway, that's about it. See you all on the usual day, with a character you can probably already guess. I won't reveal too much, but she's proven to be a lot less crazy and a lot more sweet and romantic than I thought she'd be. Hopefully it makes for a nice change of pace.