Chapter Twenty Three - Confessions Part II

'Mom's home!' Stevie shouted as watched her mother walk into the kitchen, coat and bag still in tow.

'Are you heading back out?' Ali asked as she walked to her mom and offered her a welcome home hug. Elizabeth ran her hand down the back of her hair and kissed her softly

'No, I just walked straight in because I heard all the McCords laughing' Elizabeth smiled, a part of her feeling happier since leaving her therapy session, a lighter feel to her soul after she had off-loaded.

'You've just missed food!' Jason called from the dining room table with his mouth full.

'Yeah see, another late night at state has you missing out on vegan Mac and cheese' Henry half joked as he stood and walked over to the skin, standing mere inches from her. Elizabeth inhaled and decided to roll with the punches, ignoring his comment and turning back to the kids.

'So how was everyone's day? Please tell me something good' She almost begged, her head soared as all the kids jumped in with stories from their day, a moment she had missed with them recently as she had often struggled to even communicate.

'Mom, we were thinking of having a movie night tonight, or maybe a games night, or just some good old fashioned family time. Are you up for it?' Alison chirped as she reached for the popcorn

'We've got your favourite' she teased in an attempt to entice Elizabeth. All three of them had noticed the withdrawal from their mother, they knew it was a direct response to the attack in Geneva, they'd witnessed the same following the events in Iran, only this time things lasted a little longer, so in true McCord style, they pulled together and continued life as normal, never leaving their mother out, never stepping out of line nor addressing the elephant in the room, just softly letting her know that normality will resume when she is ready.

'I guess I can't say no' she giggled and the kids all smiled along with her as they grabbed everything taking it into the front lounge. Elizabeth turned to her right and watched as Henry finished up the dishes. She hesitated for a moment, the atmosphere around them gripping her tighter as the coldness flew in. Elizabeth swallowed hard and tried to bury her feelings. She slowly walked past him and allowed her hand to run across the small of his back.

Henry almost jumped at the contact, Elizabeth was shaking inside as she offered him an olive branch, a moment to restore what lies beneath. He took the towel and dried his hands, his body turning to face her directly.

'I wasn't at the office. I was initially, we had some good news about Conrad and his potential return, but I'm late home as I was with Dr Sherman' she confirmed. Her tone is stoic despite her efforts to soften her approach. Henry watched her stand motionless in the kitchen. A clear barrier in front of her, barricading the real Elizabeth, his Elizabeth in. He nodded softly and pressed his lips together.

'How was it?' He asked nervously, communication between them was rare these days, he was almost afraid to get into any conversation with her as he couldn't tolerate any more arguing. He knew their foundation was crumbling.

'I don't enjoy them If that's what you mean. She gave me homework' she half giggled and looked across to Henry.

'Homework? Do I have to make you sit at the table with the kids to complete it?' He teased and she chuckled, a warmth growing within her, almost like the sunlight breaking through cracks in her internal wall.

'No, it's some silly thing for you and I. A word association.'

'Ok, we can talk about it when the kids go to bed, give it a go?' He hoped and she shook her head

'Not tonight, it doesn't have to be tonight I've got a week before my next session, and I'm pretty exhausted after todays' she sighed

'You've been crying' he stated flatly, he'd been thinking it since the moment he laid eyes on her, he couldn't contain his observations any longer, his subconscious mind determined to let her know he was noticing her.

'Yes, today was hard' the confession came as a surprise to Henry, he hadn't heard her be so honest with himself or herself for a very long time. He had almost forgotten what these moments with her were like. Henry walked over to her and slowly slipped her bag off her shoulder. Elizabeth stood before him, a little too scared to move, not in fear that he would harm her, she never had that fear, but scared if she moved now she'd not return to this moment of courage to stand this close to him for a very long time.

'You must be exhausted, you didn't sleep well last night, and you didn't even have the energy to throw your stuff by the door' he teased but she didn't respond with humour, instead she dipped her head, the exhaustion was hitting her core heavily but she continued to push past it, a family night wasn't what she had planned originally but it was what she wanted now. Henry slipped her coat off her, his fingertips brushing against her shirt, her skin tingling beneath this touch. Her breath hit the back of her throat as she looked up at his, his face inches from hers.

'It's good to hear that Conrad is ok' he whispered and she nodded softly. She closed her eyes and leant her head forward, her forehead resting on his shoulder, as a slow sense of relief washed over her. His hands ran up and down her arms offering her a soothing moment as he gently kissed her head. She stepped back and smiled genuinely at him,

'Can we talk after family night?' She requested

'Of course' he nodded, slipping his hand into hers and leading her into the front room where the kids were waiting for them.

— — — — MS — — — — MS — — — —

Later into the evening the family were all gathered around playing silly games, they had just finished a 'rhyme' game, where everyone had to say a word that rhymes with the previous word, if you hesitated you had to forfeit. Elizabeth was sitting on a cushion on the floor stretching her legs out with Jason and Stevie on the couch either side of her, Henry sat across from her on the armchair and Ali perched at his side.

'Oh come on, I cannot lose again!' Jason huffed and everyone laughed at him.

'Jason, you suck at these games' Alison mocked and Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

'Why don't you choose a game slugger?' Elizabeth turned to him

'The only game I like is chess but we can't all play that. I like poker but I don't want to see any of your strip' he teased and Elizabeth swatted him whilst his sisters threw pillows at him, echoes of 'eww gross' flying around the room also.

'I've got a game, well sort of, there is no winning or losing in this but it might be fun?' Henry pipped up, 'Word association' Elizabeth's head snapped around as a lump grew in her throat, her chest instantly tightening. She narrowed her gaze upon up, a warning signal not to tread these waters but Henry dismissed it, reassuring her it would be ok. The anger caused her veins as she watched him explain the game to the kids.

'Ok, so do we all just go around the circle?' Jason asked

'Yeah' Elizabeth jumped in, at least this way she thought Henry couldn't ask her anything directly, and she couldn't push back at him.

'Ok, Dad you start' Stevie clapped her hands and the game was off,

'Blue' Henry picked turning to Alison

'Red'

'Baseball' Jason smiled proudly

'Pitch' Elizabeth shrugged

'Mud'

'Training' Henry bounced back with his mind flashing to the Marine training days in muddy fields.

'Fashion' ali snuggly turned to her brother

'Girls' he mocked her

'Daughters'

'Mom'

'Jason' Henry winked, hinting at the fact Jason was a mommy's boy.

'Stevie' Alison continued

'Henry' Jason got cocky as he turned to his mother

'Home' she smiled softly, her loving gaze falling upon him as her daughters awed over their parents' love.

'Elizabeth' Stevie winked as she turned to her father

'Betrayal' the words fell from his mouth effortlessly, the room falling silent as Elizabeth's breathing grew heavier. The kids looked between one another, none of them knowing what to say, unsure if this had happened.

'Love, I meant love' Henry tried to retrace his steps but it was too late. Hell was burning in her eyes as she looked at him. Not a single word was spoken. She stood from the floor and breathed heavily,

'Time for bed kids' she commanded and watched from the corner of her eyes as they all scurried off upstairs, not a single peep coming from one of them. Henry didn't know where to look, his entire body flooded with regret as he drowned in his mistakes before her.

'Betrayal?' She clarified, her eyebrow arching as the words were spat harshly through her mouth.

'Elizabeth I-'

'Why? Why would you take private and personal information I gave you in the kitchen less than two hours ago and use it against me like this' she hissed

'I didn't use it against you, I thought it would have been a light hearted way for you to do what was being asked of you but without too much thought behind it'

'Lighthearted? Henry, what part of that was lighthearted? I am humiliated, embarrassed in front of my own children because of your ignorance' she began to pace the floor before her, pulling all her strength to keep her voice down knowing the kids would be listening.

'I-I..-I' he stuttered, the man who always knew what to say suddenly rendered speechless

'This is because of Dimitri isn't it?' She asked

``No, yes but I don't blame you, I just… I just..'

'Just what Henry?' She snapped, his inability to communicate now forcing her to the edge

'I Just can't stand to look at you because of it! What Am I supposed to just forget that you made that decision just because you were in an accident?'

'No one asked you to forget Henry! You said to yourself just two weeks ago that none of that mattered because of the accident! You're the one not talking about it, you've done that yourself, lying to me for weeks, telling me we were ok when deep down you knew you were feeling like this' she panted, her anger swirling around like a tornado, dragging her down as she tried to stop herself from yelling.

''But how can I talk to you when you're never home!' He restored and she threw her arms up in the air

'Not this again' she huffs and walks towards the kitchen, needing a moment to cool.

'Yes, YES!' - He shouted as he followed after her - 'This again because I tell you time and time again I have an issue with how late you stay and do you rectify It? No, you don't. All you do is make excuses, well I am sorry Elizabeth but once is a mistake, twice even but more than twice is a conscious decision' He stood upon speaking, the anger snapping inside him, his voice elevating as it demanded to be heard.

' HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO COME HOME?' The growing tornado of anger ripped through her and was set free, free to tear up her surrounding environment, and free to destroy everything within its path.

'SO DON'T COME HOME THEN' he roared, 'DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU FOR ONE-SECOND THAT YOU'RE HURTING ME TOO?' stunning the room to silence for a brief moment in time. Elizabeth closed her eyes at his words, of course she knew.

'You should have told me, you knew all this time, all this time I've been questioning you, wondering if it was my perception, was it the remains of my amnesia, wondering what the hell I've done wrong. You should have told me Henry' she shook with anger, her body a fire ready to burn the house down.

'And say what? You and the President made a decision that I didn't agree on?'

'Don't simplify it Henry! It's far more complicated than that and you know it! Henry, I've been going to therapy thinking it was me!'

'You're in therapy to help you overcome the attack in Geneva' he snorted back at her.

'For all of It Henry! For all of Geneva, including the moments I've recently remembered, I've been having breakdown after breakdown on some therapist because I don't feel I can come home and seek comfort from my own husband. Too fearful that he's going to walk out on me…again.' She shook her head as her legs restlessly moved on the spot, the anger spilled from every inch of her skin.

'What?'

'You walked out on me, in the hospital and in Geneva, rather than stay and try to work through it, you walked out. Is that what we do now? We walk out on one another?' She snapped

'Is that what we do now? Refuse to help save innocent lives?' verbally pushing her back.

'Oh don't. '

'What? Tell me what I am supposed to say then? Did you even speak to Conrad? Did you even try to talk him out of it? To take the apology option instead? He jibed and she saw red.

'Oh you have a nerve…' she warned

'Well, did you?' He continued to push the conversation further down a slippery slope

'That's not fair Henry, Conrad is not even awake. I cannot recall that conversation, do not put me in that position' She shrieked as she tried to argue her point. Henry shook his head and snapped his hands down on the kitchen island

He roared 'A young god damn innocent boy has probably died because we didn't help him Elizabeth!'

'I am not discussing Dimitri with you anymore, Henry this is about us, about you and me. You knew all about Geneva, the parts which happened between you and I and yet you failed to mention any of it' She bit the inside of her mouth hard, determined to not let her anger transpire into tears.

'So you're giving up on Dimitri then' he resided

'ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HENRY' she shouted, every vessel in her body pumping with blood as she screamed at her husband like she had never screamed at anyone before. The frustration and disappointment within him, within their marriage all spilled into one moment of rage. She was met with a wall of silence from him, he acknowledged her, she knew that as his gaze was now fixed on her and his mouth twisted in anger as his eyes burnt through her but nothing was said. Moments of silence sat between them.

'Henry we're a mess, we're heading for a divorce at this rate-'

'Don't be so stupid Elizabeth this is just an argument'

'No Henry this is more than this and you know it' she gritted her teeth trying to muster the energy to continue talking as her voice and body shook with fear 'I am seriously worried about our marriage Henry' she admitted.

'I don't care, right now Elizabeth all I am worried about is how I am supposed to continue working for this government when they go against everything I believe, because god forbid this countries state department, and the head of that department would do anything to help anyone else unless there was something in It for them' He snapped.

'Our marriage is in ruins and you don't care?' She clarified, it was then the realisation had dawned upon Henry, the reality of what he said had sunk in and he struggled to muster the words to rectify the situation, he made his statement. She stood shocked staring at him, wondering how the hell they came back from this, or if they would make it back at all.

Were you ever going to tell me? If I never remembered any of this would you have even told me?' She asked, her voice cracked from the emotion that lay thick within her. Henry stopped in his tracks, shocked at the display of defeat from her. His eyes danced across the floor for a moment as her words sank into his skin.

'No' he admitted shyly.

'And that's our issue,' she whispered.

'Sorry' came the feeble response from him, causing her to scoff in response.

'Sorry works when you make a mistake Henry, it doesn't work when trust is broken'

'So what, we don't have communication left, now you're saying we don't have trust what's next? Are you going to say you don't love me anymore?' The sarcastic response disappointed Elizabeth.

'How can you say I don't think we have trust when you haven't trusted me with the truth over all of this very long time Henry? The explosion in Geneva was eight weeks ago; or was you hoping I'd never remember our countless arguments before we even flew out Geneva, most of which over Dimitri or Conrad' the underlying grit to her voice hitting him harder than before. Henry was unable to respond to her, mainly because she was right.

'I don't know where we go from here' she whispered and swiftly left the room. As she walked up the stairs she passed all three kids at the top. Her heart sank at the sight of them, all three shocked to the core at the display of anger between their parents, Alison stood with tears in her eyes trembling. Elizabeth gave them all a brief hug and a kiss, she softly encouraged them all to head to bed, a poor attempt at comforting them with no words exchanged for if she opened her mouth she'd subject them to the sight of her mother breaking down. She reached her own bedroom and quickly changed climbing into bed, hoping to fall asleep before she fell apart, or at least before Henry came up to bed.

Their room was once a safe haven, their very own sanctuary torn apart and ruined by the colossal destruction of their marriage. They once laid together, intimate moments shared, laughter, plans, goals, all aspects of life shared within that bed, but now, She slept on one side, he occupied the other as the shards of their broken relationship rested between them.