a/n: there is a mention of a teen ending his life but it isn't graphic as it is being told by a third party and there is a mention of a suicide attempt down at the end (pills) so read carefully if that sort of thing triggers you. (Ps, I am working on the requests being sent in and some of them are around half way done)

also.. fluff warning. there is an awful lot of clingy-ness so I apologize for any ooc stuff. especially with Detective Dimples. yeah, I suck at fluff… I think I go too overboard lol

Dealing with Death

It was no secret that not all hostage negotiations go according to plan. It was no secret that sometimes police officers get killed in the line of duty. It's no secret that anything could happen during a shoot out, a house search, or even putting drunks in lockup.

But it still hurts when someone does die. He does hurt when you go to a house search after a concerned call and find an eleven year old boy looking after his two year old son because he parents couldn't be bothered to look for him when he went missing when he was nine; or an elderly citizen that got robbed.

It still hurts.

"Hey Maggie, how was work? Anything interesting?" Alex asked as she walked into their apartment. The first thing she noticed was that the tv wasn't on. In fact there was a note (that Alex would find ten minutes later) on the kitchen counter specifically saying do not turn the news on with a few exclamation marks after it. "Mags?" she called again. Alex then turned around and saw Kara (still in her Supergirl suit) was laying on her bed with a small lump besides her. The 'lump' was shaking and had a blanket over it; a small mop of brown hair could be seen but that was all she could make out.

"Shh," Kara whispered. The 'lump' (Maggie) whimpered as Kara moved and curled up tighter to her source of comfort. "It's Alex, Maggie. Alex is home," Kara whispered to her sister-in-law of a year. Alex dumped her stuff on the floor and walked around to the other side of the bed and laid down fairly close to her wife but away enough so she wasn't on top of her.

"Hey Mags," Alex greeted softly. At her voice, Maggie lifted her head up slightly and Alex's heart broke when she saw her red, puffy eyes and tear marks.

The smaller woman shook again as she suppressed tears before uncurling from Kara's side (Kara got off the bed and stretched her aching limbs — literally the first time in two hours since the battle down town) and immediately latching onto Alex.

She lay practically on top of her with their legs entwined and Alex's arms wrapped her body protectively (Alex was slightly propped up against the backboard so there was an angle — she wasn't laying down fully) while Maggie's face buried into Alex's neck. "What's the matter babe?" Alex asked gently, rubbing her hands up and down Maggie's back.

Maggie shook her head and clutched onto her more; due to this, Alex sent a look over at Kara. "NCPD got reports of yelling and screaming from a house. She went to have a look and found the parents arguing, apparently they had been doing that for five years now. They were both pushing each other and I think a few hits had happened because the woman had a red mark on her cheek and a bruised eye and the guy had a split lip and looked like a broke nose.

The kids were petrified, Alex, they were so scared. I think their parents were getting a divorce and they were arguing over their kid. Well Maggie's partner said that there was a loud bang from upstairs, like somebody had fallen on the floor or something, Maggie had rushed upstairs and found their kid – a fourteen year old called Michael – sitting on the floor and getting up. Apparently he had found his dads gun and was turning it on himself. Maggie's partner heard the bang and got up the stairs to see Maggie cradling the boys body," Kara recounted. Maggie let out another cry again as she listened to what happened.

Alex had a look of horror on her face as she pulled Maggie further up her body so Maggie could hug her like a koala. "Shh, it's ok Mags. You gonna make yourself sick if you don't calm down," she whispered, pressing a loving kiss on Maggie's head.

Kara sighed and gave her one last hug and comforting words before leaving them to it. After all, I bet it was bad enough that Maggie let her guard down with 'Little Danvers' so I doubt Maggie would want her to witness it all. Although she did wish that Maggie didn't have such a tough exterior.

Alex told her that Maggie has a cycle of not letting her emotions show to those she keeps close. When they first started dating and all (most because then Maggie didn't know about Kara) the secrets were out in the air she remembered Alex trying to help Maggie open up a bit.

It had been ten minutes since Kara left and the two woman hadn't moved.

"Hey Mags. I need to start dinner babe," Alex said softly, rubbing her hand down her arm lovingly. Maggie seemed to get what that meant and shook her head. "No? You don't want dinner?" Maggie lifted her head and went to speak but nothing came out. "Don't feel like talking Huh?" Alex said mostly to herself. She knew that Maggie would be out of this funk by tomorrow — Alex was the same sometimes.

Alex thought hard. "Okay, how about we compromise?" Alex always made sure her voice was soft and gently (and vise versa) whenever she was feeling like this. "We both go to the kitchen, you can hold my hand while we get all the stuff out, and when I need to hands you can hug me from behind? Yes?" Maggie waited for a few moments, thinking about the pros and cons, before eventually nodding and reluctantly letting Alex sit up.

Once they were off the bed, Maggie grabbed Alex's hand. Anyone else would have seen it as clingy – after all, it hadn't even been two seconds since she unwrapped herself from the agent – but Alex knew that Maggie wanted the confirmation that Alex was still here. That she was still alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere with an alien spike sticking out of her or something.

"Do you want pizza? Maybe pasta?" Alex asked with a grin. Maggie shrugged and whispered in Alex's ear;

"Erm.. just soup please," Alex had to strain her ears to hear but nodded. She got out the soup and Maggie pointed to the tomato soup out.

"Bread?" Nod. Alex got it out and then shook her hand a bit. Maggie let go and hugged her from behind. "So…" no work talk Alex, "wanna watch a film?" Maggie shook her head.

"Cuddle. Hold," she mumbled. Alex nodded and put the soup in the microwave (she would make something for herself later) and led Maggie to the sofa. "Bed," Alex shook her head.

"No, you need soup and there is no way that is going into ma bed." Maggie smiled at that and chuckled silently. Well done Danvers, Alex thought. Maggie laid her head on Alex's knee and the DEO agent raked her hand through Maggie's hair comfortingly.

"I saw the look… in- in his eyes," Maggie said almost impossibly quietly. Alex frowned and leaned her head down a little so she could hear her. "He was scared- he- he was so scared Alex," cried Maggie.

"Hey, no more tears. Shh. No more tears Maggie," Alex said desperately. She hated seeing her wife cry.

Maggie closed her eyes and breathed in. "You know- you know that I used to- to be …y'u know," she didn't finish but the way her voice sounded …Alex knew. She knew and that squeezed her heart tightly.

Her wife used to believe that's he didn't belong here. Used to believe that it would be better if she wasn't here. How could this beautiful, amazing woman laying on her have these thoughts? "Maggie Sawyer. You an amazing woman. A- and I am so glad you rose above. I am so glad that you fought through," Alex whispered. Alex hoped she was saying the things in the correct way; she hadn't met anyone who had those thoughts before.

Maggie went back to being silent and pressed against Alex again. She flinched when the microwave went off and tried to keep Alex on the sofa when the Agent got up. "I've got to get your food Mags," Alex said as she gently pried Maggie's death grip on her. Maggie bit her lip and let go of Alex.

When Alex was in the kitchen, she held back a sob as she thought of her wife. If Maggie wasn't so brave and determined …they may have never met. Ever.

As she got the soup out of the microwave, Maggie turned and looked back to the sofa. Maggie was curled up at the edge of the sofa staring at her reflection in the black tv screen. "Hey, Mags, what do you feel to perhaps heading to Midvale this weekend. You know, just get away?" Alex asked, her voice light and soft.

Maggie turned her attention to Alex (this was good, it meant she was slowly getting her bearings; coming out of shock) and sucked her lip (I have no idea how else to describe that lol) before shrugging. "…. Okay," she muttered. Alex walked back over and sat down next to her before handing her her soup. Maggie ignored it and rested her head on Alex's shoulder.

Sighing, Alex got a little bit of soup on the spoon and carefully brought it to Maggie's lips (after blowing it so it wasn't too hot).

Maggie turned her head, trying to avoid the spoon, and Alex closed her eyes before counting to ten.

She's just scared, Alex told herself. That's why she is acting like this. She isn't trying to purposely annoy you.

"Come on Maggie. Fast you eat this, the faster we can go to bed. I'll even give you a bath, yeah?" Alex asked desperately. Maggie made a whine and didn't move. Rolling her eyes, Alex placed the soup down and turned her head to whisper. "Do I have to call Agent Tickle?" Maggie furrowed her eyes brows (not that Alex could see) and said;

"Who that?"

Alex turned really quickly and got Maggie on her lap before tickling her mercilessly. Maggie squealed (Yep, she squealed) and tried to squirm out of Alex's lap. "Are you going to eat your dinner Detective?" Alex asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Mmhmm," Maggie mumbled, tears in the corner of her eyes from all the laughing she did. The Latina sat up and grabbed the soup — still in Alex's lap. "…erm, wan-wanna watch crim- criminal mmmm-mi- minds?" she asked quietly. Alex smiled, she was talking in proper sentences (the stutter wasn't important, she was coming back from a horrible experience, so Alex didn't care that her amazing wife had a little trouble getting her words out) and she wanted to watch telly.

"Sure can," Alex then switched the tv on. Maggie placed her half eaten bowl of soup down and laid her head down on Alex's lap.

(a/n: i cannot put photos here so on youtube type "Alex and Maggie (Sanvers) scenes 2x16" and it will be the first vid. the pic is the very first scene in that video. or go to the ao3 version of this and click the link)

She looked up and saw that Alex was falling asleep so she let out a small smile and focused on watching at least three episodes before moving to the bed.

Alex isn't sure why, but she suddenly wakes up during the night. It's pitch black and the only light coming from the countless ones outside, the sound of cars the only noise for ages.

Then she head it.

A whimper.

Alex was kicked and she winced before looking next to her and saw Maggie. She was almost drenched in sweat and kept flinching in her sleep and whimpering. "Maggie?" Alex called sleepily. "Get up. You're having a nightmare," she mumbled. A small cry of 'no! don't leave me papa' tumbled out of her mouth and that woke Alex up immediately.

She leaned over and brought the girl (how can you see her any older than a scared child when she is crying, sobbing even, thrashing in her sleep and calling for her father) into her arms and pressed a kiss to her head. Alex rocked her gently and kept pressing kisses around her face. "Maggie. Wake up,"

"No. Please. I'm sorry Papa. ¡Lo siento! ¿Por favor!" she cried. Alex started to shake her a little and she opened her eyes; wildly searching for anything she could recognise.

"Hey! Hey," Alex said soothingly. Maggie searched her eyes and they locked. Tears dripping off her chin and she hugged Alex. "Wanna talk about it?" Alex asked, staring off into the darkened mess as she raked through Maggie's brown hair.

There was a pause and Alex assumed Maggie had fallen back asleep …but then she said;

"It was- was so hhhhor- h- horrible Alex," she cried. Alex rubbed her back with her other hand and whispered in her ear comforting words. "Hhhhe was so young an- and he had a bright future 'head of him. He llloked so scccared!"

"Shh, I hope you don't blame yourself Maggie. That boy had suffered for so long because his parents didn't know how to be civil. At least the last thing he saw was the compassion you no doubt had in your eyes," Alex said firmly. Maggie lay there, shuddering breaths audible for a few moments.

"I- I know your won—dering. 'Bout what I sssaid before. 'Bout me," she whispered that last part. Alex stayed silent before admitting that she was but didn't want to cross any boundaries, especially with how fragile she was at the moment. "I was fffffourteen. Fi- five months after my dad chucked me- chucked me out. I …I was sad, sc- scared and I didn't why I had shamed him," she said quietly.

Alex listened intently, glad that she was opening up talking a bit more normal now.

"My aunt tried her- tried her bbbest to make me fffeel better but I wan- wanted my Mama and Papa; y- you know?" Alex nodded and gave her a kiss on the head. "Well, I actually hid my sexuality from then- then on. Despite sss- still being in Neb- Nebraska, we were a little out of- of Blue Springs so- so I changed schools. I was picked on for being n- non-white and I had had enough. I g- googled least painful ways and then- then I took my auntsthe ibuprofen and- and swallowed a lethal amount," she explained sadly.

"And seeing the kid actually die brought back memories," mused Alex. Maggie nodded and snuggled back into Alex's body. "I am so sorry you felt like that Mags. Do you- do you still feel like that?" Alex asked nervously.

Maggie was silent, thinking about the best reply. She felt herself calming down now after the events at the Jackson house so she made sure to talk carefully so she wouldn't stutter. "Not all the time. Sssometimes I will have quick thoughts after a- a hard day but then I think of you. Of my li- life here. Even Kara with her dork- dorkiness. You have helped me so much Lexie," Alex smiled at that and went further down the covers and Alex moved Maggie down onto the bed so Maggie's head lay on her arm; curled up in Alex's side. "I think … I think I wanna go sleep now Lexie,"

Alex nodded and pulled Maggie in a bit more protectively. "I love you Maggie Sawyer-Danvers,"

"Te amo, Alex Sawyer Danvers, Mi Amor," Maggie said sleepily. When she was sure Maggie was fast asleep, Alex murmured lovingly;

"I will always protect you. For as long as I live. Whether we are still together years from now, I will always protect you!"

a/n: i could do a sorta p2 of this where Maggie looks after Alex