Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls
Chapter 40: Weiss, or: Winter Ruins Everything
It was no secret that Jaune had harbored a massive crush on Weiss ever since he had first laid eyes on her. He just couldn't help it – she was basically the prettiest girl he had ever seen in his life. Sure, she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, but he was unperturbed – an Arc never backed down from a challenge, after all, so he took her distaste of him as a sign that he just needed to try even harder in order to woo her.
And against all odds, he had succeeded.
He wasn't sure if it was the chocolates, the flowers, or the midnight serenades outside of her window that had done it, but eventually, something had managed to win her over. They had set up a single date, and it had gone well enough that they had decided to set up another one. That was about two months and six dates ago, and now they were going steady, and Jaune couldn't be happier.
At least, that was what he had thought until the elation had finally given way to the reality of actually living with Weiss.
"Did you use my shampoo again?" Weiss asked, holding up an empty bottle.
Jaune sighed. They had done this song-and-dance before, and it had gotten to the point that he honestly didn't care as much about the fact that she was standing in front of him completely naked than he did about the fact that she was irritated. An irritated Weiss meant that somebody was about to get chewed out for something, and that was never fun, unless it was either Blake or Yang – Blake because she almost always deserved it, and Yang because the back-and-forths she and Weiss would get into sometimes were the stuff of legend.
He shook his head. "Why would I use your shampoo?"
"I don't know. All I know is that your hair is looking a lot nicer than usual."
"Because you took me to that fancy salon last week and they gave me a complete makeover."
"Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry; I've overhauled your look and your wardrobe so much that it's all kind of blended together."
Which was another complaint of his, because he quite liked his clothes. Sure, they were all hand-me-downs from his dad that were held together by his mom's sewing, but damn it, they were his, and more importantly, he quite liked the fact that they had belonged to his dad. Unlike some people, Jaune actually liked his dad and didn't mind sharing his old outfits.
Anyway, Weiss' makeovers. He had appreciated them at first, because on the surface, they were just another excuse to get out of Beacon and spend some time with his girlfriend, which was never a bad thing. Even he had his limit though, and it happened to be reached when he realized just how expensive everything she was putting him through actually cost. Between the haircuts, the new clothes, the spa days, the manicures and pedicures, the massage therapy, and the assortment of other bullshit he didn't think actually existed, she had probably blown close to five figures just over the past couple of weeks.
Of course, being a Schnee meant that five figures was basically nothing to her – he secretly suspected that the imported designer toilet paper she brought from Atlas was actually made up of hundred-Lien cards, for example – but still, he felt bad. And the fact that insisted on paying for everything only made him feel worse. He knew why she did it, namely that he was poor as dirt, but still. Sure, it was nice when your date split the bill with you, but actually paying for the entire thing because she insisted on going to an expensive sushi restaurant that she knew you'd never be able to afford even after working for a month? Yet, that hit him in his pride almost as much as it did in his manhood.
"Jaune."
Her voice brought him back to reality, and he shook those thoughts from his head. "Sorry, Weiss. Anyway, I haven't been using your shampoo."
"Hm. Yang must be borrowing it again."
"I doubt that, since you changed the locks after the last time she barged into our room unannounced."
That had been a change and a half, too – Ozpin insisting that the two of them get their own room together for as long as they were seeing each other. At first Jaune had thought it was just a bit of courtesy from the old man, but he had quickly realized that wasn't the whole truth. It was a courtesy, of course, just not for them – rather, it was for everyone else, because Weiss could get loud when she wanted to.
According to her, it was all the vocal training, which made sense. Leave it to a classically-trained singer to be capable of almost shattering glass whenever she came. Thank the Gods for aura, otherwise his eardrums would have burst several times over by now.
"Well, I suppose it can't be helped," Weiss said, dropping the empty bottle in the nearby trash can.
"Great. Now, were you planning to actually get in the shower, or are you just going to stand naked in front of the open window all day?"
Weiss paused, and for a second he thought he was going to be exposed to a famous Schnee Family Meltdown (patent pending)… but she just shrugged, causing him to raise an eyebrow.
"That's new. Usually you're up-in-arms whenever someone brings up something sexual or indecent around you."
"Yes, because that's a part of my upbringing. But the more I date you, the more I realize that I kind of hated my upbringing."
"So your solution is to become a nudist?"
"I wasn't aware you were complaining about a free show."
"I'm not, but you know what? I'd hate for you to be alone in this."
She raised an eyebrow. "Is this you inviting yourself into my shower?"
"It is if you want it to be."
"But shower sex seems so uncomfortable. Beacon's showers are cramped so there's nowhere to really cut loose and go crazy, it's all wet so it's hard to lubricate properly, and the water will get cold if we're not fast enough."
"So?"
"...Yeah, okay, I suppose it's worth at least a try. You coming in?"
"That was the plan, yes."
She rolled her eyes. "You're horrible. Yang must be rubbing off on you more than I thought."
"Can you blame me when it's so easy to rile you up?"
"You're pressing your luck, you know. One more bad pun and I'll turn the shower ice cold."
"Whatever you say, Weiss. Excuse me while I drop trou."
"Must you put it that way?"
"I mean, I could shout to the entire campus that I'm getting naked so I can shower with you. Hell, they might already know, given that you're still standing naked next to an open window. What's up with that?"
"I may or may not have just now decided that this is a good way to get back at my father. He's always ranting about his legacy and such. Let's see him treasure his legacy now."
Jaune shook his head. "Whatever. Let's just get in the bathroom before people start taking pictures."
He undid his two belts and began to strip down as Weiss stepped into the bathroom. The sound of the shower starting up told him that she was waiting, so he didn't waste any time.
Honestly, it was funny how things with Weiss often went, but if he had learned one thing while dating her, it was that she wasn't nearly as above-it-all as she claimed she was.
And speaking of not being so above-it-all, apparently Weiss had gone through yet another epiphany, because her behavior the next morning at breakfast was quite unusual for her.
"Well, this is new," Yang commented.
Weiss glared at her from her position in Jaune's lap. "What? I can't enjoy my boyfriend?"
"No, it's not that. It's just… hm, how can I put this properly… ah, fuck it – it's weird to see you be so into him when you were acting like a huge bitch to him just a few weeks ago."
"Is it truly that hard to believe that I'm capable of admitting when I've seen the error of my ways?"
"Yes," Blake stated. "Because last I checked, we still haven't ever really smoothed over our differences, we just kind of let them fade into the background without doing anything and hoped for the best."
"I'll apologize when you do."
"And I'll apologize when you do."
"Then it seems we're at an impasse. I vote we push the inevitable confrontation off until another date."
"But why?" Yang asked. "This seems like it'd make for a great catfight."
"Because I'm still sore from my shower with Jaune the other day, and I'd rather not exacerbate it by getting physical with Blake."
"You showered with Jaune?"
"Yes," Weiss said, raising an eyebrow. "Am I not allowed to enjoy my boyfriend?"
"No, it's just… um… I thought you'd be a bit more prude when it came to this stuff."
"Why does everyone say that?"
"Because we know you," Ruby replied. "Weiss, you're my bestie and all, but seriously. You're like the girl version of young boys who think that girls have cooties."
"Wait, we don't have cooties?" Nora asked.
"Uh, no?"
"Damn… I was hoping I secretly had the power to infect any man I wanted with a deadly disease of some kind."
"Why would you want that kind of power, anyway?" Ren questioned.
"Why wouldn't you want that kind of power? Imagine you had the ability to just target some asshole you didn't like and make him drop dead. Wouldn't that be great?"
"…Uh, no? I'm not a homicidal maniac."
"I think I watched an anime like this once," Pyrrha commented.
"You know," Blake said, turning to Pyrrha. "You're taking this whole Jaune-and-Weiss dating thing rather well, all things considered. I figured you would have tried to kill Weiss by now."
"We all know I'm too nice for that," Pyrrha said. "So instead I'll just wait for the inevitable family problems to come down on her, then swoop in and take Jaune for myself."
"This is the first I'm hearing of you being interested in me," Jaune remarked.
"Because I was stupid with how I tried to communicate it, mainly by not communicating it. Take note, everybody – if you're interested in someone, use your words and tell them. Don't be a little bitch about it, otherwise some cutting board thot will come along and steal him right out from under you."
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Weiss asked.
"I called you a cutting board thot. Want to fight about it? I think I can squeeze in a sparring session in between my weightlifting regiment and polishing my many, many fighting tournament trophies."
"...You know what, I think I'm happy to just let bygones be bygones and pretend like I didn't hear anything."
"I think that'd be wise. In return for not pressing the issue, I won't send nudes to your boyfriend."
"I don't know if that'd go as well as you think it might have," Yang commented. "If Weiss is anything to go by, you're not exactly his type. I don't think he actually likes super-athletic girls."
"Every guy says that until they actually see a super-athletic girl naked in front of them, then it becomes a whole different game."
"Can confirm," Nora said, nodding. "Pyrrha's smoking under that armor. I should know, I've seen her naked in the locker room."
"Why are you all subtly encouraging me to try and cheat on Weiss?" Jaune questioned. "I'd really appreciate it if you'd, you know, not do that, because I'm quite happy with the relationship I have now."
"You say that now, but just wait until she goes fully tsundere on you."
"What makes you think she will?"
"Dude, it's Weiss. Tsundere is in her blood, pretty much. Even if she hasn't shown it yet, she will at some point."
"Right here, by the way," Weiss pointed out.
"Prove me wrong," Nora said. "You can't."
"I can, though – I'm not tsundere."
"Not yet, at least."
"Do you even know what tsundere means, Weiss?" Blake asked.
"Not really, but I assume it's nothing good."
"It's not," Ren confirmed. "Believe me, it's not. You really don't want to be a tsundere."
"Any reason why?"
"Because it's a shit fetish, that's why."
"Well, what if Jaune is into tsunderes?"
"I'm really not, thank you," Jaune replied.
"So you're saying that even if I was a tsundere, you still wouldn't be a fan."
"That's not even remotely what I meant, Weiss."
"Oh look, Jaune's getting shit tested," Yang said.
"What is shit testing? Do I want to know?"
"It's when someone – usually a girl in relation to her boyfriend – does or says something to purposely get a reaction out of him and see if he reacts the proper way."
"That doesn't seem like a thing outside of the internet, and we all know how things on the internet tend to go in real life. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go ahead and disregard whatever you have to say now."
"Probably a smart move, Jaune," Ruby agreed. "Yang doesn't really know what she's talking about."
"Uh, excuse me, which of us has more experience with romance, again?" Yang questioned.
"You do, but considering it's all one-night stands, I'm pretty confident in saying that it doesn't really matter, because you still have no idea what you're talking about."
"Just as a question, what's the general consequence for failing a shit test?" Pyrrha asked.
"Don't tell me you're actually taking this bullshit seriously," Nora said, raising an eyebrow. "Because even I think this one is kind of stupid."
"Come on, you're telling me that you wouldn't give your man shit just to see how he reacts?" Yang asked.
"...No, because I'm not a BPD-having psycho bitch?"
"Wait, Yang has BPD?" Weiss asked. "That kind of makes sense, given her semblance is all about rapid mood swings."
"Can we focus on my question, please?" Pyrrha requested.
"No, because it's going to somehow lead back to you trying to get me to break up with Jaune."
"You're the one shit testing him, not me. I'm just asking the questions."
"And what great questions they are," Yang interjected. "Because as it turns out, the general result of failing a shit test is that the girl loses respect for her man, which ultimately ends in a breakup."
"Yeah, that's not happening," Weiss stated. "Well, what do you know? The internet lied to you again. And I must say that I'm surprised, Yang – this entire thing was so socially stunted and devoid of any semblance of reality that it's really something I'd expect Ruby to say, not you."
"You kidding?" Ruby questioned. "I'm autistic, but even I don't believe in this garbage. Yang must be reading those dumb women's magazines again."
"I think we're missing the forest for the trees, here," Ren suddenly pointed out.
"And what would that be?" Jaune asked.
"Look around you, man – you're dating Weiss Schnee, yet everything is going pretty normal so far. There haven't been any kind of outward forces to try and break you two up despite at least two different members of her family having a vested interest in doing exactly that. The weirdest thing that's happened so far is that we've gone off on yet another one of our random tangents full of bullshit."
"Seems like we've been doing that a lot recently..." Nora muttered.
Ren continued, "Look, all I'm saying is that I would have expected something to happen now that would try to break you two up, and I don't mean Pyrrha because despite what she claims, we all know she doesn't have the stomach for it. She's too nice."
"That's what you think," Pyrrha argued. "I can be a bad seed if I want to. Just… you know, within reason. I'm not about to try to eliminate the competition or anything, unless I'm doing it in a contest revolving around which of us can give better head or something."
"Which won't happen ever," Weiss promised.
"Why, because you know you'll lose?"
"No, because I don't want your mouth anywhere near Jaune's Jaune, if you catch my drift. Only I get to do that."
"But think about it. How else will you assert your dominance over me, unless I've had the chance to unseat you from the throne of Jaune?"
"How about by being the one to actually win him over in the first place? Don't get me wrong, I have no doubts that he'd pick me anyway, but I'm not about to give you the chance to confirm it for yourself or anything. That kind of thing only happens in Blake's books."
"It's true," Blake said, nodding. "And I must say, it's never quite as good as it seems. I'm sure it's great for the guys out there, but trust me, the idea of having to choke on some dude's shaft when it's already covered in another woman's saliva isn't exactly appealing."
"It's not really appealing to us, either," Jaune added. "Because, you know, I don't really want to do it with anyone aside from Weiss. We're kind of exclusive, you know? I don't want to throw that away for anything, especially not a one-night stand. No offense, Pyrrha."
"Some taken, if only because you're not even giving me a chance," Pyrrha replied.
"I hate to be the one to say it, but tough luck. This is why you shoot your shot when you still have the chance. And I don't mean doing that thing that girls think is shooting their shot, where they put out signals or play hard-to-get or something, I mean actually approaching someone and fucking telling them you're interested. Seriously, guys shouldn't expect to get anywhere unless we're fucking blatant with it, and neither should women. If you're interested, come right out and say it, otherwise you've got nobody to blame but yourself."
"Hmmm..." Ren hummed in thought as he rubbed his chin. "See, this is a bit closer to what I was talking about – tensions are steadily getting higher and higher, but it's not really world-ending like I would expect to see given how far into the relationship we are."
"What do you expect to see, then?" Blake questioned.
"Not sure. Given that we're at least a few weeks in, though, I suspect that it would be something appropriately threatening to the sanctity of the relationship. Something like-"
Just then, the door to the cafeteria came flying open, and a newcomer announced their arrival with a single word.
"WEISS!"
"-Winter Schnee showing up to try and throw a wrench into the relationship," Ren finished, letting out a resigned sigh. "Man, what is this, a bad romance story or something?"
Both Weiss and Jaune stayed rooted to the spot as Winter advanced, the only noises coming from the cafeteria being the clicking of her heels and the grinding of her teeth as she waked. Once she was at the table, she stopped and stared at them, crossing her arms as her eyes narrowed in a glare.
Weiss blinked, then scrambled off of Jaune's lap, taking a seat next to him. Jaune, meanwhile, swallowed nervously and tried not to make any sudden moves, praying that Winter's vision was based on movement or something.
"Well," Winter began. "When I heard that my dearest little sister had made it into the prestigious Beacon Academy, I wasn't sure what to think. However, given that I knew her, I suspected that she would be capable of making good decisions." She turned her attention to Jaune. "Looking at who she's chosen to date, I think I may have been wrong."
"In my defense-" Jaune began.
"Shut up."
"-Never mind, shutting up."
"Jaune!" Weiss chastised.
"What do you want me to say? Whatever it is, I guarantee it's just going to piss Winter off even more."
"Perhaps you're smarter than I initially thought," Winter mused.
"Smart enough to keep dating Weiss?" Jaune asked, hopeful.
"Not by a long shot."
"Damn..."
"Can I just stop you here for a moment?" Yang said. "Winny – can I call you Winny?"
"No," Winter replied.
"Great. So, Winny – I get where you're coming from. Being an older sister myself, I can understand your desire to keep your little sister safe and make sure she's okay. But really, don't you think this is a bit much? I mean, look at them – they're pretty happy together. Granted, I don't really get it, but who am I to judge? So long as the relationship is a nice and healthy one, I don't see the problem."
"The problem is that Weiss requires a man who can live up to her standards."
"What if I think Jaune lives up to my standards?" Weiss asked.
"I'd ask you when you started suffering from delusions, because look at him. Do you really mean to tell me that someone like him lives up to your standards, Weiss?"
"...Yes? Do you even know what my standards are, Winter? I'm pretty sure we never discussed this before, given that Jaune is my first-ever boyfriend. I mean, I'm pretty sure that even I didn't know what my standards were until I actually started dating him and figured them out."
"Be that as it may, that's no excuse for me to allow you to date someone I haven't had the chance to vet yet."
"Sure it is. I'm very confident that I'm more than capable of choosing someone who I think is right for me."
"Good, then you should have no problem allowing me to actually tag along and make sure."
"Actually-"
"I don't mind," Jaune said. "I mean, if it'll help you see that my relationship with Weiss is actually really sweet, I could live with you tagging along a bit. Just so long as it's not too intrusive."
Weiss facepalmed for some reason, though Winter was quick to nod in agreement. "Very well. I shall tag along for a bit, as you said, in order to determine if you and Weiss are indeed a good fit for each other. And when you prove to not be the caliber of man she deserves, I trust that there will be no issue with you two breaking up?"
"That's not really what I-"
"I find these terms to be agreeable."
With that, Winter took a seat at the table, then pulled out her scroll. "Don't mind me – continue on as if I am not even here."
They all exchanged a glance, with Weiss again facepalming. After a few seconds, Ruby cleared her throat. "...Uh, okay, then. So, with that bit of awkward unpleasantness not quite out of the way, what else should we talk about?"
"How about that test in Port's class?" Nora offered.
"Sure, I guess that's as good as anything. What'd everyone think about that question about the Nevermore?"
"You mean the one about the air speed of a Nevermore?"
"Yeah, I wasn't quite sure what it was trying to ask."
"Well, it's quite simple – I think Port just wanted to know the air-speed velocity of an unladen Nevermore."
"Right, but is it a Valean or a Mistralian Nevermore?"
"...You know, that's actually a good question. Was it mentioned anywhere in the text?"
"Yes, actually," Blake interjected. "The context clues in the description for that question should have been enough to tell you that it was a Valean Nevermore."
"What kind of context clues?"
"Well, the fact that the problem was set in the Emerald Forest, for one."
"But aren't Mistralian Nevermores migratory? So it's possible that it was a Mistralian Nevermore instead of a Valean Nevermore."
"I wasn't aware there was even a difference between the two," Jaune admitted. "I thought that-"
Winter suddenly cleared her throat. "Minus five points."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I'm keeping track of your points, counting back from one hundred," Winter reported. "Once you drop below seventy, I'll consider you to have failed, and then I will forcibly separate you and Weiss."
"Do I get a say in this?" Weiss asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Of course not! I would never trust a woman who's willingly dating Jaune Arc to know what's best for her."
"Yet you're willing to give him a chance."
"Only because I know you like him. I very firmly believe that he will end up being no good for you. I just want a chance to actually prove it, because I know it will make the inevitable breakup hurt a lot less for you."
"You know, it wouldn't kill you to actually have a little bit of faith in me, and trust me to actually know what I'm doing for once."
"And I would, if it wasn't Jaune Arc that you're dating. But since it is Jaune Arc that you're dating, I have no choice but to intervene. Speaking of which." She turned to Jaune.
"Minus another five points."
"What for?" he asked.
"For being Jaune Arc."
"...Alright, yeah, I guess I should have seen that coming."
"Dude, this is a whole new level of being pussy whipped," Yang observed. "You're not even being whipped by your girlfriend, you're being whipped by her older sister. That's kind of pathetic."
"Uh, fucking excuse me, but did you forget that she's a Specialist? The way I see it, I don't really have a choice but to sit here and accept my whipping."
"Pussy."
"Alright, enough of these shenanigans," Winter announced. "I grow tired of your inane conversations. Starting now, I will be following you and Weiss around, Jaune Arc."
"You can just call me Jaune, you know," he offered. "I know that you don't like me, but you might as well make it easier on yourself."
"Don't even bother, Jaune," Weiss said, crossing her arms. "Winter is in another of her moods, I see. She likely won't come out of it until the end, whenever that may be."
"Likely within the day," Winter replied. "He's already down ten points out of thirty, and it isn't even first period yet. Anyway, let us commence forth – I wish to truly judge him now."
Jaune could only sigh as the bell rang, signaling the start of first period.
The first class of the day was Oobleck's class, same as always. Naturally, he was dreading it – Oobleck wasn't a terrible professor or anything, he was just hard to follow, and got even harder when Jaune was tired… which he was, because of his and Weiss' nighttime activities.
I mean, do you really need me to go into more detail on that? I think I've gotten my point across here. I'm not gonna go into detail on the sex lives of two teenagers when I'm a grown-ass man, that's just weird. Like, shipping is one thing, but I'm not gonna sit here and write out a sex scene between two teenagers when I'm almost ten years older than them at this point in canon, and they're technically not even legal adults yet.
Anyway, the point was, Jaune was currently finding it very hard to actually stay awake. Oobleck was doing his usual machine-gun speech thing, because he had apparently mainlined an entire pot of coffee before class the same as he always did. Jaune wasn't exactly sure what Oobleck's filtered his coffee with, but he very much suspected that it was either crack or meth, because no amount of caffeine should have had the effect on a person that Oobleck's coffee had on him.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to find Weiss giving him a concerned look.
"Don't fall asleep," Weiss said.
"Right," Jaune said, sitting up straight. "Oobleck would kill me."
"Oobleck? Who cares about Oobleck? Winter is right behind you, and she's not happy."
Oh, right – Winter. He forgot about her. He wasn't sure how; apparently he was just that tired. Casting a glance over his shoulder, he found Winter glaring at him, causing him to swallow nervously before hurriedly turning back around.
"Okay, she's actually pretty scary," he admitted.
"Talking in class," Winter suddenly said. "Minus three points."
"But she was talking to me! Am I just supposed to not respond?"
"Class is for learning, not gossiping."
He sighed tiredly. "Alright, fine..."
He turned back towards the front, trying to focus on whatever the hell it was that Oobleck was talking about. Honestly, he didn't even know what they were supposed to be studying at the moment – Oobleck was talking faster than Nora on a sugar rush, which given the amount of coffee that was coursing through his veins at the moment, was probably a very apt comparison.
"Hey, Jaune," Weiss whispered. "Can you understand what he's talking about? Because I can't."
Jaune was about to respond, until he realized that Winter was still sitting behind him, and would almost certainly mark him down for speaking. Instead, he swallowed the words that were forming in his throat, then turned back to the front.
It took less than a second for Winter to catch him on that.
"Minus five points."
"What?!" Jaune asked, exasperated. "What for?!"
"For ignoring Weiss."
"She was talking in class! You said that class was for learning, not gossip!"
"It is, but you're supposed to make an exception for your girlfriend. Every good boyfriend knows that. Since you don't know that, it means you're not a good boyfriend. Since you're not a good boyfriend, it's then only logical to assume that you must be a bad boyfriend. Ergo, I have demoted you five points."
Jaune stared at her for a moment before opening his mouth to say something, though he never got the chance.
"Mister Arc!" Doctor Oobleck suddenly announced.
Instantly, Jaune turned around, paling. "Y-yes, Doctor Oobleck, sir!"
"Are you speaking in class?"
"No, sir! Unless you consider me talking to you at this very moment to be me speaking in class, in which case I am, but only because I respect you as an educator so much!"
"I admire your attempts at flattery, and while normally I would be more lenient with you because of it… honestly, something tells me that if I don't throw the book at you, it will end in severe pain for me."
"Does that something happen to have white hair and blue eyes?"
"Ask no questions and be told no lies. Anyway, see you in detention, Mister Arc."
He sighed, exhausted, then slumped down in his seat. Someone tapped him on his shoulder, and he turned to find Winter staring at him.
"Being a delinquent and getting detention for talking in class," she reported. "Minus five points."
His only response was to sigh.
The rest of the day went roughly the same as first period. Winter followed him around from class to class, critiquing his performance in everything and constantly marking him down for whatever she considered to be an infraction. Jaune wasn't sure how many points he had lost since breakfast, but he knew that if he wasn't already in the red, he was soon to be.
But, honestly, that wasn't all bad – he could tell that Weiss felt guilty about what her sister was doing to him, and that she wanted to make it up to him in the only way she knew how.
And so, they retreated back to their room together and locked the door behind them while Winter was taking a bathroom break. Normally Weiss probably would have felt bad about leaving her older sister behind like that, but Jaune could tell that right now, she didn't care – both because Winter was being a total bitch to him, and also because she was too busy making out with him to care.
After a few seconds, she pulled away from him, and gave him a sultry look that told him everything he needed to know. She reached for her skirt and began to pull it off, but she never got any farther than that before there was a knock at the door.
"Are you two fornicating in there?"
Weiss grumbled angrily. "Winter, go away! I'm trying to have some alone time with my boyfriend!"
"I know, hence why I'm here. I must grade his performance."
"Grade his performance?! Are you out of your mind?! I'm not going to let you watch!"
"Oh, come now, Weiss – it's not like I'm doing this because I want to be titillated or anything like that. This is purely to make sure that he's treating you right. A good boyfriend must be able to ensure that his girlfriend is satisfied as much as he is, after all."
"Well, forget it – I'm not letting you in."
"I could always break the door down and start stabbing him," Winter mused.
Weiss exchanged a glance with Jaune, then gave a heavy sigh. "...Jaune, I'm so sorry. If you want to break up because of her-"
"Never!" Jaune said. "Weiss, I knew your family was crazy going into this. Hell, you knew that my family was crazy going into this, but in a different way. If that was a deciding factor for either of us, I don't think we'd still be together." He gave her a soft smile. "I'm willing to do anything if it means I get to keep dating you."
"Even if that includes having my weird sister watch us have sex?"
"I mean, I feel like that'd be weirder for you than me, so..."
"But you're okay with it?"
"If it's what I have to do, then it's what I have to do."
"...Okay," Weiss said softly. She let out a breath. "Fine, Winter – I'll let you in."
She moved over to the door and flung it open, staring Winter down. Winter stared back before stepping in, and Weiss shut and locked the door behind her. Winter looked around the room for a few seconds before her gaze settled on Jaune.
Specifically, her gaze landed on the erection on his pants.
"Hmmm..." she said, leaning in with her hand on her chin.
Jaune did his best not to flush red as she examined the bulge in his pants, while Weiss scowled.
"...Well, I suppose it's a good size," Winter said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Weiss asked.
"I mean, it looks about average, from what I can see. I suppose I can't mark him off for that, but it doesn't bode well that it's not at least seven inches."
"Do you even know how big the average dick actually is?" Weiss questioned.
"I looked it up before I came here."
"Then you should know how rare a seven-incher really is. Heck, even a six-incher is comparatively rare. Seven inches is basically porn star size."
"Are you implying that a woman of your caliber deserves anything less than porn star size?" Winter said, raising an eyebrow.
"Uh, no thanks – I'd rather take the penis that's actually attached to the man I love, thank you. Plus, I don't know if you've noticed, but I am small, and I don't think my vagina is any deeper than the average girl's. Jaune is more than enough for me – I'd rather not have my boyfriend bottom out in my uterus, thank you."
"Still, I am not impressed," Winter said. "Let's hope his performance is better than his size."
"And how do you plan on judging his performance, exactly?"
"That's for me to worry about. You just go ahead and get on with it – I'll handle the grading."
"Just so long as you don't interrupt. I've already got half a mind to throw you out, and the only reason why I haven't yet is because I know you'll take it out out on Jaune if I do, and because I really want you to approve of our relationship."
"Then feel free to continue. I promise, you won't even know I'm here."
"Somehow, I doubt that," Weiss said. She sighed, then turned to Jaune. "Well, we might as well do this, then."
She approached him and fell back into his arms, the two of them kissing for a bit longer. Winter said nothing the whole time, which Jaune took as a good sign. After a few seconds, Weiss pulled away from him, then grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest. She gave him a sultry grin, then began to pull her skirt off once again. Jaune did his best to keep his eyes on her, but it was hard to do with Winter glaring daggers at him the whole time.
It became a lot easier to pay attention once Weiss was down to just her underwear, but still. It was the principle of the thing that mattered.
Once Weiss was semi-naked, she started working on him. His hoodie was first, followed by his shirt. She paused to admire his abs, a hum of approval escaping her as she ran her hand up his stomach.
"You know, I don't think I'll ever get tired of your abs," she said. "I wish you had worn more flattering clothing from the start – if you had shown these off earlier, I might have been more inclined to pay attention to you back then rather than immediately writing you off."
"I didn't know Weiss Schnee had a type," Jaune said teasingly.
"I'm a woman, Jaune – what can I say except that we like men with abs?"
"So you're saying you wouldn't like me if I didn't have abs?"
She rolled her eyes playfully, a small grin crossing her face. "Enough talk. Let's get to it."
They fell into each other's embrace once more, kissing for a bit as Jaune guided her over to the bed. Gently laying her down onto it, Weiss began to remove her underwear as he stripped down to just his boxers. He knew better than to get right to it, though – his time with Weiss had taught him that she loved foreplay, and her favorite kind of foreplay was oral sex. Normally they'd take turns with that, but something told him that Winter would judge him if he even brought up the possibility of Weiss going first, so instead, he chose that he would get to work on her before then.
Of course, Weiss wouldn't have much to complain about in that case, which was proven when he actually did get to work and she immediately started to get really into it. Like, back-arching, breath-hitching, sheets-grabbing kind of getting into it. Jaune loved stuff like that – it told him that he was doing a good job.
Unfortunately for the two of them, Winter wasn't as impressed.
"Stop," Winter commanded.
Jaune reluctantly obeyed, pulling away from his girlfriend and wiping some of her juices off his face. Weiss raised her head up to glare at Winter irritably.
"What's the big idea?!" Weiss demanded. "I was enjoying that!"
"His technique leaves much to be desired," Winter stated. "He was performing cunnilingus on you incorrectly."
"Really? Because to me, it felt like he was doing a good job. A really good job. So good of a job, in fact, that I'd very much like to get back into it, thank you!"
"And you will, once I have properly berated him for his poor performance." Winter turned to Jaune with a glare, causing him to shrink back. "Have you completely lost your mind?"
"I… don't understand," Jaune admitted.
"Your technique is impossibly awful. All you're doing is licking at her with zero refinement. You're like a dog drinking water."
"Thanks for that comparison," Weiss deadpanned. "Really helping my libido with that, Winter."
"I only have your best interests in mind, Weiss."
"Whatever." Weiss folded her arms, covering her chest.
"Well, what's the proper technique, then?" Jaune asked.
Winter rolled her eyes. "Typical teenager… you'd think that with all the porn you no doubt watch, you'd have figured out the right ways to pleasure a woman by now."
"I haven't watched porn at all since I started dating Weiss," Jaune said.
"Oh? So you mean that you've been gazing at my sister with lustful eyes every since the very beginning?"
"No, I mean that I know she wouldn't approve if she found out I was still watching porn, because I know Weiss well enough to know that if she learned I was spanking it to porn, she'd be offended and think that she wasn't good enough for me."
"So you've been masturbating to her, have you?"
"...Yeah? I mean, she's my girlfriend-"
"For how long?"
"Oh, give it a rest, Winter!" Weiss protested. "He's absolutely right – I would have felt bad if he was still masturbating to porn rather than to me, because that would have told me that he thought I wasn't good enough for him. Plus, I'm his girlfriend, so it's only natural that if he's going to masturbate, it'll be to me."
"So he's a pervert, then," Winter said, disdain creeping into her voice. "Why else would he masturbate to you?"
"Because he's a teenager who's going through puberty, and he's also very attracted to me? It's not like I don't masturbate to him, too. You do realize that basically everybody masturbates, right? It's not weird or anything, and I respect the fact that Jaune chose to stay completely loyal to me rather than take the easy way out and look up some random video or picture somewhere."
"I mean, staying loyal wasn't exactly hard," Jaune said. "Nobody else can really compare to you, Weiss."
"Flattery will get you everywhere, Jaune."
"How do you know he isn't lying?" Winter questioned.
"Because it's Janue, that's why. He's so kind-hearted that he's basically a golden retriever in human form. I don't think he's capable of lying to his girlfriend, especially when he knows that if I found out, I'd be upset."
"You can check my scroll history if you want," Jaune offered. "You'll find that the last time I went on any kind of adult website was just before I started dating Weiss."
Winter hesitated before reluctantly nodded. "...Fine. I suppose I can drop this line of questioning."
"Does this mean I get points back?"
"Don't press your luck, Arc. Points are only subtracted, not added."
"Seems biased."
"You're dating my sister."
"...Alright, fair enough."
"Can we get back to it?" Weiss asked, impatient. "I was literally just on the edge when you forced Jaune to stop."
"No, not until I have properly educated him on the correct way to perform oral sex on a woman," Winter retorted.
"Then hurry it up. I'm getting impatient."
"Very well." Winter turned to him. "Get back to it."
"Just like that?" Jaune asked, surprised.
"Yes. I will correct your technique as you go."
Somehow, that sounded a lot more ominous than it initially seemed. Still, with no other option, Jaune nodded in agreement. "...Aight."
With that, he went back to pleasuring his girlfriend. But once again, it only lasted for a moment before Winter interrupted.
"Yet again, your technique is unrefined," Winter said.
Jaune pulled away, glaring at her. "What should I-"
"Did I say stop? Minus five points."
Sighing, Jaune again returned to pleasuring his girlfriend, all while Winter continued to critique his performance.
"You aren't focusing on her clitoris enough. Use your tongue there – it will feel a lot better than simply licking at it like a thirsty mutt. And don't forget to use your fingers, either – curl them upwards to get at her G-spot. Yes, like that. Also, be sure that when you use your tongue, you're spelling the alphabet – it makes your motions less repetitive and predictable. No, that's too fast – you'll overstimulate her. She's small and fragile – you have to be gentle. No, not that gentle – be a bit more forceful than that. Now it's a bit too forceful."
"Winter!" Weiss growled. "Would you be quiet?! I'm trying to-"
"I would, but his technique is still awful, even with my instruction." Winter sighed, then put a hand on Jaune's shoulder and pushed him aside. "Well, I suppose there's only one way to go about this."
"What are you doing?!" Weiss demanded.
"Isn't it obvious? He clearly needs a practical demonstration-"
"Oh, hell no!" Weiss instantly closed her legs. "You are not going near me like that!"
"I assure you, I only have your best interests in mind," Winter stated. "There is nothing inherently bad about this."
"Yes, there is! Get out!"
"Weiss, you're being unreasonable."
"You're being unreasonable! I'm not about to let you eat me out, just because you're not happy with how Jaune is doing it!"
"Oh, that reminds me – minus five points."
"For poor performance?" Jaune deadpanned.
"So poor that I have to step in and show you how it's done."
"I'd like to take a moment and point out that you hate me so fucking much that you're literally willing to do incestuous things with your own sister just to prove a point to me."
"Yes, I'm glad we're on the same wavelength."
"We're not doing this," Weiss snarled. "Winter, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to get mad."
"Please, feel free to get mad, as long as it involves getting mad at Jaune and then squirting all over my face."
"I'm gonna be sick," Jaune said, covering his mouth.
"Shut up, Arc," Winter demanded. "You are responsible for this, after all. This incest is on you."
"Uh, fucking excuse me, but I'm not the one who's trying to eat out my own sister."
"No, but you're so utterly bad at sex that I now have no choice but to kick you out and give Weiss the orgasm she deserves. Which will then be followed by me beating you up and then obtaining a restraining order on you, forcing you out of Beacon permanently so you can never again legally lay hands on my sister. And then I will have you kidnapped by the military and implanted with experimental tracking nanobots so I may constantly monitor you and ensure that you are always at least one continent away from Weiss at all times, because if you ever aren't, I will kill you and bury you in a shallow grave, so as to protect her."
Out of the corner of his eye, Jaune saw Weiss roll her eyes, then reach for Myrtenaster, which was leaning against the wall next to the bed. Winter was so focused on him that she didn't see Weiss reaching for her weapon. Jaune said nothing, instead turning his attention back to Winter, who was still ranting.
"-I'm saying is that you're such a bad boyfriend that it falls unto me to-"
That was as far as she got before Weiss pulled Myrtenaster's trigger, encasing her in a block of ice. Winter never got a chance to react before she was frozen solid, left glaring at Jaune from behind her new icy prison.
"Finally," Weiss said, tossing her weapon away. "I was afraid she'd never stop."
"She'd still be going if you hadn't interrupted," Jaune pointed out. "Is this safe, by the way? I'd hate for her to get hypothermia and die."
"She'll be fine – I figure that we're going to get our rocks off for a bit, then give you a nice head start before I finally cut her loose."
"So there's absolutely no hope of this possibly ending well for me, is there?"
"Nope. I'll try to talk her down, but just know that for the first day or so once she's out, she's going to want your balls on a platter."
"I see. So we're going to earn it then, right?"
"Oh, absolutely. We've done the dirty before, but tonight? Tonight, we're going to be absolutely filthy."
"There's not a single word in that sentence that I don't love."
"Let's get to it, then. Before she thaws out."
They did, and it was better than good – it was breathtaking. Sure, on a certain level, Jaune knew that Winter was absolutely going to try to hunt him down and murderize him for this, but honestly, that just made it even better. What's life without living on the edge a bit, you know? Anyway, the point is, they did the nasty like they'd never done the nasty before, then Jaune got a chance to rest for a bit, and then Weiss kicked him out and told him to get a head start for a few hours.
Somehow, he could tell that it wasn't going to be enough.
"You man-slut!"
Jaune let out a yelp as he dived out of the way of a storm of small white Nevermores. Predictably, it hadn't been enough – he'd managed to make it to Vacuo, but Winter had tracked him down using her Specialist connections easily enough. All told, his lead of a few hours had evaporated about as easily as it had come, and now he was stuck running through the sandy streets of Vacuo, dodging a pissed-off Specialist who was hell bent on claiming his balls as a trophy.
He ducked into a nearby store, but that wasn't nearly enough to stop Winter, who came barreling in after him. Heart pounding, Jaune continued to race through the building, finally jumping out of an open window and into another street. Winter didn't stop, barreling through the wall in pursuit.
Frantic, Jaune looked around for a way out, but he was pinned – he had ended up in an alleyway, and now he was closed in. He swallowed nervously as Winter began to approach, her saber glinting in the harsh desert sun.
"Winter, stop!"
Weiss' voice caused Winter to pause, and Jaune to let out a sigh of relief. Looking over Winter's shoulder, Jaune saw Weiss running into the alley. Winter tensed, her grip on her blade tightening.
"Don't interfere, Weiss," Winter stated. "I'm only doing what's best for you."
"No, you aren't," Weiss replied. "You're being a psycho and trying to kill my boyfriend for no reason other than you don't like him."
"He's no good for you, Weiss."
"I disagree, and that's what really matters, don't you think?"
"No."
"Okay, how about this: you're acting just like Father would."
Winter's eyes widened, and she turned to look at Jaune in surprise. "...What? But, I'm just doing what an overprotective big sister ought to do when she finds out her little sister is dating a trashy guy."
"Yes, but think of how Father would react if he saw me and Jaune together," Weiss insisted. "He'd hate it, and you know it."
"...You're right," Winter acknowledged. "By the Gods, Weiss, I've been furthering Father's will this whole time!" She brought a hand up to rub at her forehead. "Ugh, how dumb could I be…? I let my own sense of protectiveness blind me to the fact that this isn't what Father would have wanted."
"And naturally, if Father wouldn't want it, it means it's something we should probably do."
"Right again, dear sister. I can't believe I couldn't see it. Well, carry on, then."
With that, Winter sheathed her blade and began to walk away. Jaune watched in exasperated disbelief as she went.
"...You've gotta be fucking kidding me," he stated. "All this time, and all I had to do to get her to give up was bring up that she was acting like her dad?"
"Yes," Weiss said. "It's so simple, how could I have missed it earlier? Sorry, Jaune – I really should have thought of that first."
Jaune stared at her blankly before sighing and shaking his head. "Just so long as it's done and over with, I-"
He was interrupted by his scroll ringing. Confused, he dug it out of his pocket, raising an eyebrow when he didn't recognize the number. Shrugging, he answered the scroll, bringing it to his ear.
"Who is this?" he asked.
"Winter Schnee," the caller replied, causing him to sigh. "I just wanted to tell you that Father absolutely would not approve of this relationship, therefore it is imperative that you never break up with Weiss, ever. Otherwise he might try to set her up with some high society Atlas aristocrat, and that won't do – I'd hate to have to actually bury a body."
"Point taken," Jaune said. "Though, I have to ask – can I at least get an apology?"
"I'm sorry I mistook you for someone that my father would actually approve of."
"Not what I wanted, but I suppose it's good enough. Is it asking too much if I request you never call me again?"
"Yes. Treat her right, Jaune. Otherwise I'll find you."
With that, the line went dead. Jaune stared at his scroll before pocketing it, then turning back to Weiss.
"Well, we're stuck in Vacuo for the time being," he said. "What do we do now?"
Weiss thought for a bit. "...Swimming?"
"I don't think either of us brought swimsuits."
"We could always just go skinny dipping."
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"
"Only every day, but with my sister tracking us, it wouldn't hurt to keep reminding me. Now come on, let's go find an oasis somewhere or something. I want to see the water and sweat drip down your naked body, then run my tongue over your abs while you rub my head and call me a good girl."
"Oddly specific."
"Don't judge. Winter might just try to find you if you do."
They shared a brief laugh at that, then gently took hold of each other's hands and set off in search of an oasis.
It had been a crazy couple of days, but now it was time to just relax and maybe fuck on the beach somewhere.
Man, what is with us and uncomfortable sex? Jaune wondered to himself as they walked off into the desert.
That's another one off the list. Man, I love Weiss. She's probably my favorite of the Main 4 overall, from a writing standpoint.
Anyway, I said I'd do a Weiss prequel set at Beacon, so I did. I don't know if I'm quite done with Weiss yet – there might still be one or two other things I can do with her past this. But for a relatively straightforward chapter based off her, I think I'm pretty satisfied for now.
Also, I'm going to do something rather unprecedented and offer a disclaimer for the next chapter, that being that I wasn't even planning on doing it before I had people express interest in seeing it, so I figured fuck it, I'll throw something together and see what works. I think it's turned out okay so far, though it does get pretty fucking autistic at times. Normally I'd keep it a bit close to my chest in terms of theme, but I think it'll be better off for everyone if I don't do that, so instead I'll just come right out and let you all know what it's about: It's a Lisa Lavender-focused chapter, and the entire punchline is that everyone in the fic fucking hates journalists. So yeah, it gets autistic and obnoxious at times, but fuck it, I figure I'll throw it out there and see what reactions I get. Just letting you all know in advance because I know you all hate it when I get too autistic and obnoxious with it, and I think that might be the road that chapter is heading down, so be prepared.
This should be the last chapter that's like that, though. I can't really think of any other characters who I could conceivably take cheap shots at like this, and I'm really only doing it in the first place because it fits the theme. That and because journalists in general are such low-hanging fruit that I can't not take cheap shots at them.
So, yeah. Keep an eye out for what will almost certainly be the one and only Lisa Lavender chapter I'll ever do, plus what I hope is the last chapter that's like this one.
Next update: Saturday, May 15.