Regrets of the Past

They say daughters need their mothers,

But but what can i do,

My mother is the anger in my words,

The words in my silence.

My mother is the pain in my tears,

The ghost in my smile.

My mother,

Is the hurt in my heart,

The fear in my bones.

My mother,

Is the voice in my head,

That claws at my mind.

My mother,

That is supposed to mould me. build me

Broke me.

SoulUnraveled.

It's funny how memory works, you know. Someone could not remember what they had for dinner last Sunday but could remember what they had for dinner on their graduation day, or the first thing they did on their wedding day. See, the point it, you're more likely to remember something if it was important. If it meant something.

So why didn't Lillian remember what happened on October 24th?

When Lionel had died, she never stepped foot in his office. It was completely out of bounds; not even Lex was allowed in. However, one comment from Tesmacher made her rethink everything. So she went into her late husbands study and had a nosy. All she found was dusty books and half finished business letters.

That's when she found a black book in a secret hole in his draw. Curiously, she picked it up.

Now she wished she hadn't.

October 26th, 1993

Dear diary,

I've messed up. I can't believe what i've done. It had to be done though; or else Liz was going to tell Lillian about my affair. I'm not one for letting my feelings out, much less on paper, but I have to get this out before I explode.

Liz can't have children, see, and she heard that Lillian was pregnant with my child. She she gave me an ultimatum. I give her my child, or she spills to the press (and my wife) of my infidelity. I'm sorry, but I can't loose my wife. I can conceive another child but there is only one Lillian. I won't feel all that horrified by it because I don't have a bond with the child yet.

- Lionel

Lillian had a vague idea about what was happening but she didn't know why she couldn't remember.

Then she read the next entry:

October 28th, 1993

Dear Diary,

It's done. Lillian was distraught when the doctors told her the news and I hated seeing her like that. Even Lex shed a few tears. I have her in my cottage at the moment with a butler. Mrs Walsh is meeting me tonight to hand her over.

I just need to help my wife through the 'death' of our baby girl.

I will never forgive myself for this.

Lionel

That's when she understood. Her baby girl didn't die. Her sweet Charlotte wasn't a stillborn. She was very much alive. In fact, she was in National City playing superhero with the alien. Lillian looked at the tv where the news was on.

"And I am proud to present that L-Corp will be donating three million dollars to the hospital paediatric ward for Christmas," Lena announced. Lillian stared at the face of the young woman as the camera focused on her smiling face. A tear ran down her cheek as she really looked into the eyes of the CEO.

That was Charlotte. That was her baby. That's the woman she has hated for years, ever since she showed up in the library 24 years ago.

"Oh my god," she mumbled, falling onto the sofa. What had she done? All that neglect and verbal abuse she spewed on her daughter. All those years she'll never get back. All them years she could have been making memories with her only daughter and she spent them bringing her down and faffing over Lex all the time.

More tears fell down her cheeks as she remember countless christmas' (once when Lionel was away) and the only present Lena would get would be 30$ from Lex and a small present from the school Secret Santa — the 30$ from Lex would be knocked down to 10$ when she would buy something for the secret santa.

Lillian grabbed her phone and filed her daughters name. She hesitated but ended up dropping her phone next to her.

What had she done?

A/N: This was a request from a user on Ao3. If you want to know the full prompt them its on there. There will probably be a p2 and uf you esnt one then comment that. Have a good day!