Chapter Twenty Nine - The start of the End

Once the Motorcade pulled up outside of the house Elizabeth swiftly left the car, unable to be close to Henry at the moment. She headed to the house and straight to the kitchen where she switched the coffee machine on. She turned and placed her bag on the island in the middle of the kitchen and gripped at the sides as Henry came into the room. She looked up at him and shook her head, an inability to speak as her emotions consumed her. She watched as Henry dipped his head and rubbed his face, unsure of what to say.

Once the coffee machine clicked behind her Elizabeth turned and poured a mug of fresh black filter coffee. She walked towards Henry and placed it, a little harshly, on the counter before him.

'Drink up, I'll be back now' she commanded. The power behind her words unsettled Henry, he knew in that instant he had pushed her too far tonight, his own anger subsiding for guilt. Elizabeth walked off and headed upstairs leaving Henry alone for a while. He sighed heavily and grabbed the mug, taking it over to the dining table where he sat patiently waiting. He scrolled through his phone and began to sober at the sight of the news reports flooding in.

'Drunken Spat'

'Too Many McCord'

'Taxi for one'

Headline after headline of Henry drunkenly stumbling out of the wedding venue and Elizabeth walking ahead to the motorcade. He couldn't help but fixate on the image of her, a sadness swallowed her body, something he knew he was responsible for, if only he could make her happy like Conrad can, he thought to himself. He threw his phone down on the table as thoughts of Conrad and Elizabeth continued to slip into his mind, that green eyed monster threatening to resurface. Henry tried to suppress him knowing that if he let his anger or jealousy control him right now, eternal damage would be done, but it was difficult, things had changed, he had changed, and he didn't know how to control it anymore.

'Is that coffee ok?' She asked as she walked back down the stairs into the kitchen. It came across as a polite question but they both knew it was a question in pursuit of an answer which reassured her that he was in fact drinking it and sobering up.

Henry glanced up as she walked past him and back over to the coffee machine. A heavy cloud fell upon them, the tension within the room thicker than smog. Henry watched as she poured herself a coffee.

'You changed' he stated simply. Elizabeth paused for a moment unsure what he meant by that,

'Sorry?' She asked as she turned to him

'Your clothes, I wondered where you went, you've changed' he attempted to explain. Elizabeth stirred her coffee and placed the spoon in the skin as she walked over to the dining table, she took the seat at the opposite end of the table, once again placing the physical distance between them.

'Yes, my feet were hurting, and I wanted to check on the kids' she chewed her lip. 'They're all asleep, so we're going to talk. No shouting because I do not want them to witness another argument between us Henry. We are not moving from this table until we reach an agreement on how we move on from this' she spoke with clarity, her emotions detached within that moment as she laid the ground rules between them. Henry slowly nodded and looked down at his mug.

'You need to start talking' she commanded once again.

'I told you I didn't want to go' he shrugged. She inhaled deeply trying to resist the urge to shout at him.

'Not good enough' she bit back

'Why isn't it? I told you I didn't want to go Elizabeth and you let your staff over rule you and wade in, forcing me to go'

'No, I tried to tell Mike that you didn't want to go, you didn't have to agree to go Henry' she scoffed

'Oh and what was I supposed to say? If I said no, I'd ruin the optics once again, which would give you another reason to be angry at me' He resided and tapped on the table as his anger sat with him.

'Don't give me that crap about optics and ruining it, because if you really felt like that then tonight's antics wouldn't have happened' she bit back, inhaling deeply before continuing 'And I apologised for Mike's behaviour, but Henry you overruled me too. I had told them you said no, and you changed your mind right in front of me, making me look like a fool too. Henry I gave you so many options this week to step out of it, I kept telling you this wouldn't be the best for us given the situation but you reassured me that it would be ok. Henry, you gave me your word that you would be ok tonight, but how is any of that ok?' She stressed, tears forming as her emotions took over. Henry stopped and looked up at her, the first time in a long time that her true emotions towards him surfaced.

'Now isn't the time for silence Henry, you need to open up and speak. I am so furious with you' she gritted and watched as her phone started to flash, signalling someone was calling her.

'Duty calls' he muttered but Elizabeth stood up and placed her phone on silent and in her bag before she turned and sat back down.

'Our marriage is my duty Henry, tonight I need to be here.'

'Makes a change, lately I feel like your job is more important than me.' He mumbled and she rolled her eyes.

'Sometimes it is Henry, I can't deny that. But only when we are at war with Russia, or I don't know of some huge global crisis that does need immediate attention. You and the kids are always my first priority, I am sorry it doesn't feel like that. Things have been hard for me recently, and well you haven't exactly made it easy to come home to you' she offered an honest reply.

'I just don't think you understand how much your job is affecting us' he reasoned

'Oh I do, trust me it feels like history is repeating itself. It's like the Baghdad ultimatum situation all over again. I am getting carried away with work and you're telling me that I am going to lose my family' she chewed her lip and swallowed the lump in her throat. Henry leant forward on the table and looked confused.

'So if you know that, why are you still pushing yourself and working hard?' He asked softly, trying to break through and understand.

'Because when you've seen what I've seen Henry you would want to do anything to protect the kids, not just ours but the children of the world, I can't quit, not when I have the power to help' Her voice cracked

'Iran' the penny dropped and Henry closed his eyes.

'When I woke in Geneva I thought I was just back from Iran, so not only did I have to learn about everything that had happened which led up to Geneva, I had the events in Geneva around you, me, Dimitri, the explosion, my injuries and memory all of it. I also had to re-process the devastation of Iran' her voice shook and her lips trembled.

'Elizabeth I had no idea-' He silently kicked himself for not picking up on this sooner.

'I don't want you to be sorry, I just want you to understand. Henry I am not choosing this job over you, not intentionally and I am so so sorry it feels like that, but right now it feels like my only safety blanket' she inhaled deeply and gritted her teeth.

'I don't want you to quit, I've said this time and time again and I swear on the kids lives I mean it Elizabeth-'

'So why do you penalise me for working?' She cut across him and he shook his head.

'Because your work life balance sucks quite frankly' he half chuckled but the seriousness within his tone elevated all humour.

'Maybe it does, but it isn't really about any of that is it. Your issue with my job is about what happened with Dimitri, you cannot forgive me for that. You blame me for siding with Conrad on the decision and the very mention of Conrad's name sends your blood boiling, I can see it on your face' she argued, mindful to keep her tone low.

'The Dimitri thing is my issue'

'Yes but it is affecting us Henry, you cannot just keep saying it's your issue and not do anything about it. When something is my issue you make me go to therapy, or suggest I talk to you but you just hide away from me'

'How am I supposed to speak to you? Express my concerns that I think he might be dead or being tortured and why, oh because you and Conrad agreed to give him up' he spat as his mind tormented him with what if's. Elizabeth was stunned to silence, unsure of how to even attempt to soothe his tortured mind. 'I believe you, I know you did the right thing but I cannot just remove my anger from the situation I need to work through it, but time and time again I am asking you to do things, or not do things and every time your excuse is 'Conrad' it doesn't make this easier to let go of' he reasoned and let out an elongated exhale as he finally let go of some of his torment.

'Ok, I hear you,' she admitted and apologetically looked up at him. 'It still doesn't justify your actions tonight Henry. You embarrassed me so much. My phone ringing wasn't the white house, it was Daisy, no doubt having a melt down over the fact the press have got hold of a story' she shook her head in disbelief as the enormity of the issue waded in and she realised by now the whole world would have seen their drunken fight and made their own synopsis.

'Did you go after Conrad tonight because of everything to do with Dimitri or because you resent the fact he asked me to be Secretary of State?' She asked calmly and watched as he shook his head.

'Neither' he confessed with an ironic chuckle. He Brought his coffee to his lips and took a sip before continuing 'I was jealous. All we do is argue and fight and I see him standing there making you laugh, placing his arm around your back. I know it was innocent but I was envious' he admitted sadly

'Do you know what we were laughing at?' She asked and he shook his head. 'I was trying to repeat your calling all rabbits joke and Conrad told me you'd kill me if you heard me repeating it so badly, He then tried to tell the joke himself and failed, that's when we laughed' she raised an eyebrow and Henry dipped his head in shame. 'I don't even think we were laughing as much as you think we were Henry'

'Well it didn't look like it' he resorted to responding like a child, in that moment Elizabeth felt like she was arguing with Jason, she shook her head furious with his response, just when she thought they were making headway he retreats.

'Jealousy doesn't suit you Henry' she scoffed.

'What else am I supposed to think? You won't even come near me anymore, I can't get a hug or a kiss, god forbid getting intimate with you. You cannot stomach coming near me. Are you even attracted to me anymore?' He snaps, raising his voice a little.

'Keep it down' she hushed 'Yes Henry I do find you attractive, I think you'll find you're projecting your own thoughts and feelings onto me'

'Excuse me?' He hissed

'Henry I think it's you who struggles to find me attractive at the moment'

'Oh no you'v-'

'Don't tell me I've got this wrong Henry, I know what I am talking about. You force yourself to come and hold me, or kiss me. You struggled to be intimate with me a few weeks ago. If you remember, I had to guide you to where I wanted you to go. I am still attracted to you, I am angry at you and annoyed and so many other things but I've never stopped finding you attractive. You've just shut me out. And I have done the same to you' she spoke softly as she reflected on past events and Henry slumped back in his seat, a realisation that he had been questioning his attraction to her lately. His mind laid confused with endless questions he sat in silence trying to process his thoughts.

'Henry I know you're struggling with me at the minute, and it scares the hell out of me but I cannot stand this behaviour from you, You have lied to me for months, you kept information from me and let me find it all out on my own, you've been so argumentative and tonight…you really showed me up tonight'

'That's going to look bad for the optics isn't it' he attempted to joke but his humour was matched with rage.

'Are you serious? Yes, Henry it is going to look bad, not just for the optics but on all accounts. What do you think our kids are going to say when they see that all over their social media tomorrow? So for once just forget about the bloody optics of an event and think about who the Hell I am, and just how global all of this will be' she smacked her hand on the table in frustration as she attempted to get through to him.

'I didn't think about the kids' he sighed regretfully 'I'm not struggling with you as such, well I am struggling with you shutting me out but I'm trying to deal with my own stuff too-' he spoke

'I've suggested therapy, couples therapy, anything Henry and you're completely dismissive. What more can I do?' She asked but was met with a wall of silence as her words sunk in and for the first time in a long time he sat and thought about how his own actions have impacted upon their marriage, he began to unpack the blame which he had placed all on Elizabeth and keep some for himself.

'Do you ever feel like we're just going around in circles? Like we're in this continual loop of arguing over the same thing and neither of us are stopping?' He asked metaphorically and she nodded,

'I need you to believe that I love you, that I want you and I want this marriage, but me quitting my job isn't going to fix things, our foundation is already broken' she reasoned and he nodded as she spoke.

'Do you think you'll ever forgive me for tonight?' He asked

'Do you think you'll ever forgive me for Dimitri?' She responded and he sighed heavily. 'Didn't think so' she whispered as her heart broke. 'You know, I told Dr Sherman that one day I had a feeling I'd come home to you and you'd be ready with divorce papers. I can't help but feel we're going that way Henry. I don't see how we can come back from this, Can you?' She tried so hard not to cry.

'Maybe we need a break?' He shrugged and watched as she exhaled slowly trying to gain composure.

'That wasn't the answer I was looking for' she sniffled.

'What did you want me to say?' He snapped, the irritation building once again as he felt that he couldn't do anything right for her.

'To tell me that you didn't want a divorce, or that I am being crazy for even thinking that' she let a few tears slip down her cheeks as she sought out some form of reassurance.

'I don't want to lie to you' he whispered as his own voice cracked and she broke into a fresh wave of tears. Henry couldn't move, he wanted to comfort her so much but he was faced with an inability to help, he couldn't offer her the reassurance she needed and didn't want to provide her with false hope. He wiped his eyes as he watched her pinch her nose as she cried into her lap.

'I think I should go' he broke through her sobs and slowly rose to his feet. He retrieved his car keys and walked over to her, he pulled out the chair next to her and hesitantly took her hands in his.

'Go where?' She panicked as she spoke through her sobs. 'You can't walk out on me again Henry. Not if we're going to come back from this' she tried to remain strong but her stomach was churning inside.

'I can't stay and break your heart anymore Elizabeth, I'm going to go and stay with Dad for a few days. Maybe the space will be a good thing for us, make us realise what we've got' he tried to offer a rationale

'I know what we've got and I am telling you I do not want to lose it'

``Funny way of showing it, all those late working nights haven't helped,'' he replied sarcastically, an inability to control his own thoughts as his emotions controlled him. Elizabeth shook her head and wiped her tears, his once again below the belt comments hitting her to the core.

'Just go, leave me to pick up the mess with Conrad, the Press, your kids, our marriage. Just go Henry' she admitted defeat and rose to her feet, walking out of the kitchen, leaving before he left her like he did in Geneva.