Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls

Chapter 45: Wild Card – Ruby Alter/Bluby Rose

It was just another day at Beacon. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, the grass was green, and Bluby Rose was being a depressed mess in the middle of Combat Class.

"Bluby, I could use some help here!" Jaune called out as he did his best to fend off his opponent's – Cardin, in this case – strikes.

Bluby made no effort to try and do anything aside from dodge the incoming strikes from Sky. Jaune couldn't help but be mildly irritated about the whole thing. Like, he got that Bluby was irreversibly clinically depressed and all and that she had been ever since her mother had died, but come on, this was just ridiculous. He was over here getting his ass kicked, and she couldn't find the motivation to try and help him out? He was her boyfriend and everything, too.

Jaune grit his teeth as he blocked another incoming hit from Cardin, thanking his lucky stars that his training with Pyrrha had been going so well. "Come on, Bluby, please?!" he begged.

"Yeah, Bluby!" Sky taunted. "Fight back already, so I can earn my win!"

"It doesn't matter," Bluby declared. "Existence is nothing but frustration and pain. Everything you love eventually leaves you. Misery is your only constant friend."

Sky paused, his face falling. "...You're right," he reluctantly agreed.

Then, before anyone could do anything to stop him, he placed his weapon under his chin and pulled the trigger. Thankfully, his aura saved him, but it still must have hurt like a bitch. Just outside of the arena, Miss Goodwitch sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Miss Rose, what have I told you about unintentionally causing your opponents to have an existential crisis in the middle of class?" she asked.

"It's rude and not a valid way of testing my skills in combat," Bluby said.

"Exactly," Professor Goodwitch replied with a nod. She turned to Jaune. "Mister Arc, can you hurry it up already?"

"Trying my best, Professor," Jaune said.

Cardin paused. "Wait a minute, why are you reaching out to Arc instead of me?"

"Because last I checked, only one of you is being trained by Pyrrha Nikos, and it isn't you," Goodwitch said. "And I know better than to bet against Pyrrha Nikos."

Out in the crowd, Pyrrha blushed heavily. Jaune would have found it cute, if not for the fact that someone else had already managed to capture his heart.

Still, he was able to seize upon the confusion that Goodwitch's statement had caused Cardin, enough to turn the tables in his fight. He quickly kicked Cardin in the groin, and while he reeled from that, bashed him with his shield once, then twice, then three times… you get the idea. There was a lot of shield bashing going on.

But in his defense, he still didn't know the finer points of using a sword. Shields took a lot less brainpower to use, thankfully, though he wasn't sure Cardin appreciated getting his face rearranged by the sharp edge of his shield. Not that there was any real damage thanks to aura, but still, that must have been embarrassing.

"Enough," Goodwitch declared. "Mister Winchester and Mister Lark are out of aura. This fight is over. Congratulations to you, Mister Arc and Miss Rose… even though your tactics leave much to be desired. Especially you, Miss Rose."

"What's the big deal?" Yang asked from the crowd. "She basically got Sky to shoot himself. That seems pretty effective to me."

"Oh, it certainly is," Goodwitch conceded. "But let's not forget that deaths in the line of duty mean a lot more paperwork, and nobody wants to deal with that."

"...Okay, point taken," Yang acknowledged.

Jaune and Bluby strode from the arena, walking side-by-side with each other. As they walked, Jaune leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked. "It's been a long time since you had an episode like that."

"I'm the same as always," Bluby said.

Which was to say that she wasn't okay, but he already knew that. Sighing, Jaune leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek. It wasn't much, but it was enough – he saw her relax a bit, a small sigh of contentedness escaping her. It was barely noticeably even to the people who knew Bluby very well, but to Jaune, it was a sign that she was going to be fine, which only intensified when she reached out and took his hand.

The two of them made it back to their seats, Ruby leaning down to rest her head on her desk while Jaune rubbed her hand gently.

"Have I ever told you that you're one of the few things I'm willing to take the risk of loving in this entire, ugly world?" Bluby mumbled.

"Only every day, Blubes," Jaune said with a faint smile.

"...Come to the room after class," she said softly.

"You sure you want to?" he asked, surprised.

"I'm sure," she replied. "I need it."

Well, he wasn't going to refuse her or anything, that was for sure.

Now, Jaune loved Bluby. Really, he did. That might not have made much sense given her usual demeanor, but there was something about it that he just lived for, namely getting to be one of the few things in the entire world that would actually get her to perk up a bit rather than being her usual depressed mess. Sure, she could be difficult to get along with sometimes owing to her little quirk, if it could be called that, but getting to see her lighten up somewhat thanks to him made it all worth it.

Of course, sometimes it wasn't that easy, such as now.

"All I'm saying is that there's no point to existence," Bluby declared in her usual monotone, emotionless voice.

"That's nice, Blubes," Jaune said.

"It would be better if there was nothing," Bluby added. "Existence does nothing but provide us the hope of things improving, but the reality is that things will never improve. They will only get continuously worse and worse, with no hopes of positive change. That's why it would be best if everything were to just disappear."

"That's ridiculous," Weiss said. "First off, things aren't that bad."

"Speak for yourself," Bluby replied.

"How about I speak for you, too," Weiss fired back. "Honestly, look at yourself. I don't mean to make an argument in favor of relative privation or anything here, because that's basically a zero-sum game in argument form, but seriously. Things aren't nearly as bad for you as they are for some other people."

"You're trying to be rational about this, Weiss," Yang lamented. "Believe me, we've tried that before. This kind of thing isn't something you can rationalize someone out of."

Weiss sighed, irritated. "I know, but that won't stop me from trying."

"You're all going about this the wrong way," Nora said. "You can't argue someone out of depression. You see, depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life. She clearly needs some combination of therapy and medication in order to be okay, but even then, we should respect the fact that she has a disorder of some kind and not try to force her to act 'normal,' however that may be."

"You're preaching to the choir, and unfortunately, that's not the solution," Yang said. "She gets medication already and she's had therapy in the past."

"Really?" Blake asked. "Is there a reason why she doesn't get therapy anymore?"

"Yeah, all her doctors ended up in mental wards from listening to her," Yang said.

They all exchanged a glance with each other. "...Uh, are we in danger?" Ren asked. "Because Nora and I have pretty depressing backstories, too."

"Same," Weiss said.

"Thirded," Blake added.

Everyone looked to Pyrrha expectantly, but she shrugged. "Not really, but I'd rather not take the risk."

"No, you're not all in danger," Yang assured them. "Bluby only causes people she doesn't like to have an existential crisis, so you're all safe for as long as she likes you."

"And if she stops liking us?" Weiss asked.

"Believe me, it takes a lot for Bluby to get to that level with someone," Yang said. "Even with what happened in Combat Class with Sky, that was just a fraction of what she's actually capable of."

"Geez," Nora commented. "Just how powerful is she?"

"We don't know for sure, but I can say for a fact that I've seen her talking to Grimm before, and it's ended with the Grimm killing themselves."

"Holy fuck," Nora breathed. "Thank the Gods that you and Jaune are there for her, then."

"Who, me?" Jaune asked.

"Yes, you," Weiss said.

"Why, though?" he questioned. "I'm just her boyfriend. I get that she likes me enough to perk up whenever I'm near, but-"

"Dude, look at her right now," Ren implored him. "Seriously, just take a look."

Jaune paused to look over at his girlfriend, and to his surprise, she actually seemed very content. She was leaned up against him, her eyes closed and her chest gently rising and falling. His hand was resting on her head, but that was the only thing he could see that was out of the ordinary.

"...I don't get it," he declared.

"It's the headpats," Blake said. "Of course, how could we be so blind? No girl can resist headpats from their man, not even Bluby."

"It's just my hand on her head," Jaune argued. "Why are you acting like it's something special?"

"Because it is," said Yang. "You don't get it, Jaune. Headpats are to a girl like blowjobs are to a guy."

"I thought that was cunnilingus," Jaune questioned, only for Yang to wave him off.

"Ladies, show of hands," she said. "How many of you would rather get headpats from a guy you like than have that same guy lick your vag?"

To Jaune's amazement, every girl at the table put their hands up, even Bluby, despite the fact that she had lost herself to Jaune's hand resting on her head. He furrowed his brow in confusion.

"...Is this some anime thing?" he asked. "Are you guys doing an anime?"

"We're all doing an anime," Nora said cryptically. "You just don't realize it yet."

"Yeah, okay," Jaune said, sarcastic. "So, you're all saying that headpats are basically better than sex."

"No," Blake argued. "They're better than oral sex. Regular sex is still better. Headpats come close, though."

"Oh, whatever." Jaune rolled his eyes. "This is all bullshit, anyway. Because if it was true, then you're telling me that resting my hand on her head is the equivalent of publicly-acceptable foreplay."

"Because it is," Yang argued. "You don't understand because you've never had someone rub your head before, probably because you're a boy."

"And that's kind of sad, honestly," Pyrrha lamented. "Boys deserve headpats, too."

They all nodded in solidarity with that statement, even Ren, to Jaune's surprise.

"All of you keep your hands away from my head," Jaune demanded. "I don't know where those things have been, and I'm a little afraid to ask given how you're all hyping this up." He shook his head. "Anyway, if this is the equivalent of publicly-acceptable foreplay, like you all say it is, then what happens if I do this?"

He started to gently rub Bluby's head, causing everyone around the table to gasp and flush red, their hands going to their mouths in shock.

"H-he's doing it in public..." Weiss said. "H-how salacious..."

"Oh, come on." Jaune rolled his eyes. "I'm just rubbing her head."

Underneath his hand, Bluby gave a few small moans and started to squirm, but made no attempts to pull away. He thought that was really weird, but he didn't make any attempts to stop, because why would he? It was just an affectionate gesture to her head.

"Jaune, stop!" Pyrrha suddenly declared. "You're going too far!"

"Too far?" Jaune repeated, incredulous. "Pyrrha, I'm just rubbing her head. What next, am I going to find out that chin scratches are super lewd or something?"

The girls all flushed even redder than they already were, though none of them said anything in response, possibly because they were too embarrassed. He rolled his eyes. "Oh, give me a fucking break. There's nothing lewd about that, and I'll prove it."

He brought a finger up to scratch Bluby's chin as he rubbed her head, and to his astonishment, all the girls collectively let out a huge gasp. He had no chance to ask them what the problem was before Bluby suddenly seized, a low moan escaping her as her body shook. It lasted for a few seconds before she slumped over, a sigh of contentment escaping her. Jaune blinked, surprised, then asked the one question that was on his mind.

"Bluby," he began. "...Did you just have an orgasm?"

She didn't say anything, instead pulling her hood up to cover her head as she looked down in embarrassment. "...Love you," she muttered.

Jaune blinked again, then quickly pulled his hands away, wiping them on his hoodie. Across the table, the other girls were staring at him in surprise, and he couldn't help but let out another sigh.

"Oh, give me a break," he said. "How was I supposed to know that you all got off on something as stupid as that?"

"There's nothing stupid about headpats and chin scratches!" Yang protested. "You just don't understand because you're a boy, and we've already established that boys don't get headpats and chin scratches, even though they should."

That was true – he didn't understand, and he didn't want to understand, probably because this was some real anime shit and he wanted no part of it. So instead he was just going to be normal and do normal things with his not-so-normal depressed girlfriend.

Or so he thought, at least.

"Jaune!" Nora cried out, bursting into the room.

Jaune nearly jumped out of his skin, his X-Ray and Vav comic flying out of his hands in surprise. "What?!"

"It's Bluby's team!" Nora shouted.

"Yes, what about them?"

"They're at the docks, fighting for their lives! We have to go help them!"

"Say no more," Jaune answered. "Pyrrha, Ren, we're going to go help Bluby and her team."

"What's their team name, again?" Ren asked. "We can't just keep calling them Bluby's team, that's going to get old fast."

"Good question," Pyrrha said. "Then again, what are some good color-related things that have the letters B, B, W, and Y in them?"

"I mean, it doesn't have to be color-related," Nora pointed out. "Cardinal isn't a color."

"Yes, but cardinals are red," Pyrrha argued. "It's not a color, but it makes you think of a color."

"That's dumb," Ren declared. "By that logic, you can name a team anything and justify it with the fact that it makes you think of a color, no matter how loose the association is.

You could name a team something like Cinderblock and justify it by saying that cinderblocks are gray, therefore it still counts."

"Team Cinderblock sounds rad, though," Nora said. "I'd be on Team Cinderblock in a heartbeat. We'd even have a catchphrase – 'Team Cinderblock: Mess with us and you'll be wearing cement shoes.'"

"Can we focus?" Jaune asked, desperate. "My girlfriend is out there fighting for her life."

"What about the others, too?" Ren asked.

Jaune waved him off. "Eh, they'll be fine. Let's be honest, Bluby is the weakest link on that team."

"...Alright, yeah, makes sense," Ren conceded. "Alright, to the docks we go."

When they finally got to the docks, the fighting was mostly over, which was about what Jaune had predicted. Thankfully, nobody was dead, though he couldn't see Bluby's team anywhere.

"Bluby!" Jaune called. "You out here?"

The four of them wandered through the wreckage of the docks, weapons out as they searched for their friends and Jaune called out to them. And yes, he was the only one calling out to them – the others were preoccupied.

"How about Team Blueberry?" Nora asked. "You know, BLBY?"

"No, that doesn't work," Ren said. "You have a Y but no W."

"What about Team BABY?" Pyrrha asked.

He shook his head. "Now you have an A and no W. Also, I don't think they'd be down to be called that, and also also, Baby isn't a color."

"Baby blue is a color," Pyrrha said. "They could be Team Baby Blue."

"That's a stretch and you know it."

"Look," Jaune said, turning around to face his teammates. "I don't mean to interrupt your little inane conversation here, but don't we have something more important to deal with?"

"Lighten up, bro," Nora replied. "It's just White Fang. These guys are total chumps. The only reason they're a threat to anyone is that Atlas is somehow even more incompetent than them. They're like the Legion to Atlas' NCR."

Pyrrha was taken aback. "Wow, that's… actually a very prescient observation, Nora," she said. "Think about it, that fits pretty well – the White Fang is made up of a bunch of a mix of people across different areas that are basically united under just one leader, and they're all very fanatical about their beliefs in their own supremacy. Meanwhile, Atlas' military mostly consists of a bunch of untrained soldiers who signed up without knowing what they were getting themselves into, only to end up miles away from home fighting an enemy who they would normally stomp due to superior technology, but who they just can't seem to wipe out, for some stupid reason. They even have the Specialists the same way the NCR has those Veteran Rangers."

"Doesn't the White Fang field assassins, too?" Ren pointed out. "There's your Legion Hit Squad, right there."

"More like Legion Loot Crew," Nora quipped. "Those guys are less of a threat and more like bottle caps on legs."

Jaune pinched the bridge of his nose. "Guys, I'm fucking begging you."

"Oh, lighten up," Ren said. "I'm sure they're fine."

"And if they aren't?"

"They are," Ren insisted. "They've got plot armor. If anything, we're the ones in danger, here."

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"Don't worry about it."

Before Jaune could press the issue any further, he heard a series of gunshots up ahead. Without wasting any time, he rushed forwards. He rounded a corner and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Bluby's team standing there, surrounded by fallen White Fang members.

"There you all are," he said, rushing forwards. He had to step over several unconscious White Fang members as he did so, which caused him to look around in surprise. "Bluby, did you shoot all these dudes?"

"If only," Weiss remarked, shaking her head. "No, she just did her usual Bluby thing and got them to shoot themselves."

"I'm surprised none of them are dead because they've all actually got aura," Blake said, looking around at the unconscious Faunus at her feet. "The quality of new recruits must have really gone up in the months since I've left."

"If this is an improvement, I'd hate to see what the old guys looked like," Yang said. "Seriously, these guys look like they could be beaten up by a corgi or something, and that's just embarrassing."

Jaune paid little attention to what they were all saying, instead rushing forward to pull Bluby into a hug. "You shouldn't have gone off on your own," he chastised.

"...Sorry," she said.

He sighed. "It's alright. Now, let's go back to Beacon."

"Do we have to?" Yang asked. "I was kind of getting a kick out of watching Ruby drive these guys over the edge by just spouting edgy nihilist quotes at them."

"Hang on, did you guys even fire a single shot this entire time?" Jaune asked.

"Ha! Good one." Yang shook her head. "Nah, we just sent Bluby in and let her talk to everyone through a megaphone for a couple of seconds. There weren't even any stragglers for us to take care of."

"Why are we not weaponizing this?" Weiss wondered.

"I think we just did," Blake pointed out.

"No, I mean really weaponizing it," Weiss insisted. "Just hand out earplugs to everyone on our side and then point her in the general direction of the enemy and let her go for a bit. We'd be unstoppable."

"That's a question for another day," Jaune said. "Let's just head back to Beacon. I'm sure she's tired."

"She's always tired, but okay," Yang said, picking Bluby up and slinging her over her shoulder. "Come on, Eeyore. We're headed home."

"...Want headpats when we get back," Bluby muttered.

Jaune sighed as all the other girls turned to glare at him, scandalous looks on their faces. Somehow, he'd created a monster out of a small gesture of affection to the head, and he still had no idea how he'd managed to do that.

Jaune had to admit, as much as he didn't get the whole headpats thing, at least it made Bluby happy. Yes, happy – for the first time in probably years, she was actually smiling a bit. Granted, it was probably because he was rubbing her head and she was most likely getting off on that somehow, but still, he wouldn't complain too much. Even Yang seemed surprised.

"Dude," Yang remarked as she stared at Bluby, who was grinning softly as she ate a cookie. "How did you know?"

"I've gone over this before," Jaune said. "I didn't."

"This is… I haven't seen her like this since before… well, you know."

"I'm still not sure how this works, to be honest," Jaune admitted. "It stops the moment I pull my hand away. Here, look."

He moved his hand off Bluby's head, and her old demeanor immediately took over. Her smile faded, and she slumped down in her seat. It lasted for just a second before Jaune put his hand back on her head, whereupon she instantly sat up straighter and leaned into his touch, her grin returning. Then he pulled his hand away and she was depressed again. Finally, he put his hand back and she was happy once more.

"I don't get it," he said aloud.

"Don't ask questions, just keep doing what you're doing," Weiss insisted. "She's actually bearable to be around when she's like this."

"Wow, rude," Nora said. "Depression is a serious mental problem, you know."

"Yeah, Bluby's apparently got it so bad that the only cure is my headpats," Jaune said.

"That's pretty bad, actually," Pyrrha acknowledged. "She needs a constant supply of physical affection to the top of her head or else her inner demons take hold once more."

"Do I detect some jealousy in your voice, Pyrrha?" Blake asked.

"I just want to be brought to orgasm by Jaune massaging my scalp a bit. Is that too much to ask?" Pyrrha lamented.

"Apparently," Jaune said. "I'd offer to rub your head a bit if I wasn't so sure that everyone else here would consider that cheating."

"Hey, he's learning," Blake remarked.

"You know what? I want to test something, because now I'm genuinely curious," Yang said. "Jaune, why don't you go ahead and reach over the table to try to give Pyrrha some headpats right now?"

"Why?" Jaune asked.

"Just do it," Yang insisted. "I'm curious to see if it'll get a reaction out of Bluby."

Jaune was hesitant at first, but eventually decided to do it, figuring it wouldn't be that bad. He pulled his hand off of Bluby's scalp, which had the predictable effect of making her all depressed again, but when he went to reach across the table to Pyrrha's waiting head, something happened. Bluby's gaze went from the floor to his hand, following it with an almost laser-like precision. He got about halfway to Pyrrha's scalp before Bluby spoke up.

"...Jaune's hand leaves my head," she said softly. "He instead approaches Pyrrha's head. I feel fear, for the first time in my life since that fateful day years ago when I lost my mother – fear that the man I've come to love is forsaking me for another. Once again, I am reminded of how cold and dark the world is. Misery, that all-too-familiar friend, overtakes my mind once more, and-"

"Urge to kill self rising," Nora commented through gritted teeth.

"Jaune, quick!" Weiss shouted. "Give her more headpats!"

Jaune obliged immediately, his hand flying back to Bluby's scalp. Immediately, Bluby cut off her own edgy dialog in favor of a content sigh, leaning into his touch once more.

"Well, that was a fucking disaster," Jaune commented.

"No, I think it was enlightening," Weiss said. "At least now we know how to make her calm down whenever she gets into one of her moods."

"You're basically the Bluby whisperer now, Jaune," Yang acknowledged. "I hope you realize that this means you're now stuck with her for good."

He shrugged. "Eh. Could be worse, I guess."

"So you're cool with it?"

"Sure, why not?" He shrugged again. "I like Bluby."

"Great. I'll start planning the wedding, then."

Jaune paused. "Wait, hold up-"

"Why?" Yang raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said it was cool with you."

"I mean, yeah, but-"

"So there shouldn't be a problem."

"You know, if you really wanted to pass her on to Jaune, you could stand to be a bit less obvious about it," Blake commented.

"Can you blame me for being desperate?" Yang asked. "This is like the one thing we've ever managed to find that actually works for her. Granted, I wish it was a bit less lewd, but beggars can't be choosers. Whatever makes her less sad is good in my book."

"I hate to tell you this, but you're moving things along a bit too fast," Jaune said. "We're still teenagers. As much as I like her, I'm not ready for marriage just yet."

"Okay, we'll extend the engagement a bit," Yang offered.

"Nice try, but no."

"Damn it, man, just work with me, here."

"I'm currently giving her headpats in public, which according to you is all super lewd," Jaune pointed out. "I will likely be forced to keep doing this whenever she wants me to for at least the next couple of years, possibly forever if our relationship gets to that point. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of working with you right now."

"I mean, you've gotta give him that one," Pyrrha admitted. "Yang, you yourself didn't think this relationship would be much good for either of them, yet look at the two of them now. I'd say that, all things considered, it's probably about as good as it possibly could be."

"Speaking of which, I'm curious," Blake said to him. "What you two have is sweet and all… but why Bluby? Why, of all people, did you go for the super-depressed girl who says edgy things all the time?"

"I don't know, really," Jaune confessed. "Something about her demeanor just drew me to her. Like, yeah, she's super cute and all based purely on looks, but that personality above all else makes me just want to hold her close and tell her everything is going to be okay while she cries into my chest."

"So you're into damaged girls," Nora observed.

"That's a very blunt and somewhat rude way of putting it, but sure, I guess," Jaune said. "I like the fact that I can brighten up Bluby's day just by being there with her. I live to see the little flashes of emotion across her normally-blank face whenever I do something that makes her happy. Most of all, I like being able to look at her and know what she's feeling deep down while most people just see a girl with an emotionless expression, you know?"

"I'm honestly surprised," Weiss said. "You don't consider any of that a burden?"

"I'd be lying if I said it was easy, but she's worth it," Jaune declared. "Like I said, I enjoy being one of the few people who can make her happy, even if only for a little bit. Sure, some days it's harder to deal with than others, but that'd be true for every relationship. More than anything, I hope that one day, I'll be able to help her get to a point where her depression hasn't taken over her like it has now. Maybe that's a pipe dream, but I don't care. It's what I want."

"Wow," Ren observed. "That's actually pretty sweet of you, Jaune."

"Okay, now I'm curious," Jaune said. "What did you all think I had in mind when I started dating Bluby?"

"Honestly, I wasn't sure," Weiss said. "Nothing good."

"Same," Blake answered. "I was afraid you'd be taking advantage of her in some way. Not sure how, but that's what I thought."

"I thought you'd just be using her as a practice girlfriend or something," Yang admitted.

Jaune raised an eyebrow. "Practice girlfriend? What the hell is a practice girlfriend?"

"It's exactly what it sounds like," Yang said. "It's a girlfriend you don't intend to be serious with, she's just there for you to get practice when it comes to dating someone before you move on to a different girl who you actually care about."

"Okay, that's actually incredibly fucked-up," Jaune said. "Like, for real, what the hell is wrong with people?"

Yang shrugged. "I don't know, but some people do it."

"And you thought I was doing that with your sister, yet you let us keep dating?"

"Only for like a day or so," Yang said. "Then I walked in on you drying her tears and figured you weren't quite as bad as I feared, so I decided I'd let it keep going. Imagine my shock when it turns out that you're like the one person outside of the entire family who can actually get her to show some emotion. Even her therapists couldn't do that."

"I'm still curious about that, by the way," Weiss interjected. "You mentioned that therapy doesn't work on her, but never explained why."

"Oh, yeah." Yang rubbed her head. "Yeah, all of Bluby's therapists kinda… went completely insane after dealing with her."

They all exchanged a glance, and Yang sighed. "Yeah, that old spiel about how therapists become therapists mainly to figure out what's wrong with themselves instead of getting to work with other people? Turns out there might actually be a kernel of truth to that."

"Wait, so every single one of Bluby's therapists has gone insane?" Ren asked. "That seems kind of ridiculous."

"I'm not lying, I swear," Yang said. "She's had three over the years – Doctor Gray, Doctor Onyx, and Doctor Blau. All three ended up in a mental institution eventually."

"And you're sure that Bluby is the cause of it?"

"Well, we weren't at first," Yang said. "But there's only so many ways you can interpret an accredited mental health professional suddenly running out of the room in the middle of his session with her, then trying to kill himself with a stapler."

"With a stapler?" Pyrrha asked. "How do you kill yourself with a stapler?"

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked, because I saw that shit firsthand from my spot in the waiting room," Yang said. "So, as you'd expect, the staples can't do any real damage – sure, they hurt like a bitch, but that's really only skin-deep. No, the real damage comes from when you find out that the staples have zero chance of killing you, so you decide to swallow the stapler in the hopes of choking on it and dying. Have you guys ever seen a shrink try to cram an entire stapler down his own throat while fighting off like three different secretaries and five interns? It's not fun, I'll tell you that much." She shook her head. "Anyway, after that one, we kind of decided that so long as Bluby wasn't too bad, it was probably better to just work with her ourselves."

"That seems supremely irresponsible," Ren said.

"Yeah, we know, but what choice did we have? If we put her in a locked room with a therapist, they'd inevitably try to pick her brain a bit, so to speak, and that never goes well."

Yang shuddered. "I love her and all, but Bluby's brain is the closest thing to a tome of eldritch knowledge we have in the real world. She's basically a Great Old One in human form. Staring into her mind is like staring into the blackest abyss, from which no light is spared. You're probably about as likely to find the answer to life, the universe, and everything in there as you are to suffer complete insanity and final ego death, and it's just a total roll of the dice as to which happens to you."

"Why are we not weaponizing this?" Weiss wondered aloud. "I mean, I know I asked that at the docks, but seriously, why not?"

"I still don't think that would work on Grimm," Jaune said. "I mean, I know Yang said it does, but I still find that hard to believe given that Grimm are supposed to be emotionless."

"You kidding?" Yang asked. "How do you think she got through initiation in the first place?"

"Wait, you're telling me that Bluby's edgy rambling somehow got all of the Grimm to kill themselves?" Jaune questioned. He shook his head. "That just doesn't seem possible."

"Well, it's what happened," Yang promised. "I swear I'm not making that up. I've seen her do it before. You all already know that the Grimm leave her alone-"

"Wait, they do?" Ren asked, surprised.

"Uh, yeah? Have you seen Bluby get chased by a Grimm, ever? I haven't."

"But that doesn't make sense," Nora protested. "She's like a massive singularity of negative emotions. By all logic, they should be drawn to her like moths to a bonfire. Hell, given how depressed she is even on a good day, I'm surprised that Beacon isn't just drowning under a continuous deluge of Grimm right now."

"Yeah, you're preaching to the choir," Yang said. "We don't get it, either. Frankly, I'm convinced that Bluby's emotions are just so overwhelmingly negative that they collapse in on themselves like a supermassive black hole. So yes, while her emotions are negative, they ended up collapsing under their own weight, meaning they can't escape her psyche and be acknowledged by Grimm the same way everyone else's can."

"That's bullshit, but I believe it," Ren declared. "Unfortunately, it means that I have become a redundant character, as my semblance is no longer unique."

"That's not true!" Nora protested. "You still serve a very important function, Ren."

"Like what?" he asked.

Nora paused. "...I'm not sure, but I'm sure we'll find something."

"Thanks, how reassuring," he deadpanned, earning a sheepish grin from her.

"You know, this has me wondering," Jaune said. "Do you all think there are other people out there who are similar to Bluby, who just need some good loving and headpats to be healed even slightly?"

"Maybe," Weiss said with a shrug. "I mean, Bluby was pretty damaged, all things considered, yet she ended up alright once you got to her and started showing her some affection. But then again, where are we going to find someone who's just as damaged as her, anyways?"

"Yeah, you're right," Jaune said. "Bluby is already a pretty rare specimen. I doubt we'd be able to find anyone else who's in the same boat."

A few tables away, three girls dressed in Haven uniforms stared longingly at him as he gave Bluby headpats. They exchanged a glance with each other, then nodded with determination.

Their newest nefarious plan had officially been set in motion.

It was a hand going over his mouth that awoke Jaune in the middle of the night. Surprised, he thrashed about as he woke, but whoever was grabbing him was quick to stop him by pressing a blade to his throat.

"Keep moving and I'll kill you," she hissed.

With no other options, Jaune complied. Looking around, he could see that he was still in his room with his teammates, but none of them were moving. His fears were assuaged when he saw their chests gently rising and falling beneath their covers, but the implicit threat from his captor was clear – if he moved or otherwise made a noise, it wouldn't just be him who reaped the whirlwind.

He offered no resistance as they bound and gagged him, tying his hands behind his back with a length of rope and slapping a piece of duct tape over his mouth. Then, the ringleader – a tall girl dressed in an all-black bodysuit – started moving, hoisting him over her shoulder and carrying him off. Two other girls flanked her, both of them similarly dressed in black and wearing masks. They all stepped out into the hall, though they were forced to freeze when the ringleader turned. There, marching down the hall, was Yang, likely returning from a late-night workout, if her sweat-drenched clothes were any indication. For probably the first time in his life, Jaune was actually glad to see her, though that dissipated when she looked directly at him and kept going on like nothing was wrong.

Okay, clearly something was happening, here. Yang didn't dislike him nearly that much, so somebody must have been doing something to her head with a semblance or something. He wasn't sure, but it didn't matter, because Yang returned to her room in silence, apparently having seen nothing. His captors all breathed a sigh of relief, and then they took off again.

The three of them took him to one of the guest dorms, which was weird. He figured that if they were trying to kidnap and capture him, keeping him at Beacon was probably the dumbest move they could have possibly made, since the school was almost certainly the first place that would be checked. Then again, they seemed to have some kind of mind-altering semblance active, so maybe it wasn't nearly as dumb as he thought. In any case, they carried him inside the room, closed and locked the door behind him, and then dumped him on the bed before removing their masks.

"Okay, we got him," one of the girls, the one with dark skin, red eyes, and green hair, said. "Now what, Cinder?"

The tallest of the three – Cinder, he supposed – simply grinned. "Now, we bask in the fruits of our labor, Emerald. I think you all know what that means."

The shortest of them, a positively diminutive girl who reminded Jaune of ice cream, looked absolutely giddy at that, a wide grin crossing her face as she began to shake with excitement. Jaune couldn't help but swallow nervously. Just what kinds of horrific tortures did these three have planned for him? He shuddered to imagine the depths of their depravity.

The short girl took an excited step forward, only for Cinder to reach out and grab her by the shoulder, stopping her. The two exchanged a glare, and Cinder shook her head. "Wait your turn, Neo," she admonished. "This was my plan, so I will have fun with him first."

"Oh, it was your plan, but it was thanks to us that it even worked in the first place," Emerald said, crossing her arms. "If it weren't for our semblances, we would have been discovered by that blonde bimbo back there, if not the rest of his team."

"And the two of you will receive your reward in time," Cinder announced. "But for now, he is mine, and I would sooner burn this entire dorm room to the ground with all of us in it than allow someone to delay me the satisfaction I require."

The other girls blanched at that, which Jaune took to mean that Cinder was being completely serious. Wisely, the two of them backed off after that. Cinder gave them a smug smirk, then stepped forwards. Jaune's eyes widened as she got closer, and for a moment, he feared what she was planning with him, though his fears died when she merely removed the tape from his mouth and sat him upright.

"Jaune Arc," she announced.

His gaze narrowed. "What do you want?" he asked. "Come to torture me, or kill me? Perhaps try to ransom me off? I hate to disappoint you, but I think you'll find that I don't make for a very valuable hostage."

Cinder simply chuckled, shaking her head. "You misunderstand, Jaune. Your value comes not from your position as a punching bag, or your monetary worth. Rather, it comes from something more physical – more primal, if I may be frank. Do you understand?"

His eyes widened. Oh, Gods, they were going to rape him, weren't they? That was… okay, it wasn't good, but on a certain level, he liked knowing that women this hot apparently found him attractive enough to kidnap and rape in the first place. Seriously, Cinder looked like a supermodel, and the other two weren't exactly slouches in the looks department, either. That didn't make his impending rape any less horrible or mentally scarring, mind you, but still, it was good to know where he ranked in terms of attractiveness, he supposed. Perhaps that would keep his shattered psyche comfortable as he tried to mentally recover from being mindbroken after this.

Still, he supposed there wasn't a way out of this, or if there was, he couldn't see it. Sighing, he lowered his head.

"...Fine," Jaune muttered. "Get it over with, then."

"With pleasure," Cinder announced.

Jaune wasn't sure what to expect after she said that, only that it would be horrible. He figured it would start with her tearing his clothes off or something, but Cinder surprised him by instead removing the ropes tying his hands behind his back. Perplexed, he looked over to where she was standing, but was left stunned when she instead sat next to him, then closed her eyes and leaned over, pushing her head into his shoulder with a wide grin on her face, one that was completely free of its earlier sadism.

He blinked, not quite understanding. "Wha-"

"Pat my head and tell me I'm a good girl!" Cinder demanded, sounding more desperate than he had ever heard anyone sound in his life.

Again, Jaune blinked, still not quite understanding. He looked over to Emerald and Neo, only to find them staring at Cinder longingly. Normally he would have still been confused, but thinking back to his earlier conversation in the cafeteria was more than enough to enlighten him.

"...You've gotta be fucking kidding me," he deadpanned. "Let me just get this straight: you kidnapped me in the middle of the night, carried me bound and gagged through the halls of Beacon back to your dorm room while dressed in admittedly very flattering, very sexy outfits, then dumped me on your bed and made me almost pee myself with implicit threats of torture… and what you really want out of all of this is headpats and kind words."

"Yes!" Cinder said happily. "That's exactly right!"

Jaune was unamused. He looked over to the other two. "And I assume that you two are the same?"

They both nodded, eager. He sighed tiredly, bringing one of his newly-freed hands up to rub the bridge of his nose. "Good fucking Gods, what is it with people and headpats? It's just an affectionate gesture to the top of the head."

"No, it's not!" Cinder protested. "It's an affectionate gesture to the top of the head combined with love, and in my case, with an added dose of verbal encouragement!"
Jaune's scowl deepened. "Uh-huh, sure."

"What are you waiting for?" Cinder demanded. "Give me headpats and tell me I'm a good girl, or else!"

"Or else what?" Jaune challenged.

"Or else I'll cut your balls off and force you to eat them!"

Well, that was certainly one way of getting his attention. "Would you like your headpats with one hand, or two?" he asked.

Cinder never got a chance to respond, because at that moment, the door came flying off its hinges. Into the room strode probably the last person Jaune expected to come to his rescue, that being Bluby. But more than that, she looked different somehow. It only took him a moment to realize what had changed – her usual depressed demeanor was gone, replaced with a new emotion, one that until this point, had been completely alien to her for as long as anyone had known her.

Sheer, unbridled rage, barely repressed within her tiny body.

Timidly, Jaune raised a hand. "H-hey, Bluby. I was just-"

"Can it," she demanded, causing him to fall silent.

The three other girls in the room, once so bold, were also silent. In fact, they were more than silent – they were positively shaking in their boots from the sheer size of Bluby's killing intent as it was projected throughout the room. At least, Jaune supposed – despite the sheer terror the other three were suffering at the moment, he didn't feel any different, possibly because Bluby had found some way to laser-focus her rage onto the three girls in particular.

"Jaune," Bluby announced. "Plug your ears and keep them plugged until it's safe."

Jaune obliged, stuffing his fingers in his ears as deep as he could without hurting himself. Cinder and her friends tried to follow his example, but it was too late – by the time they realized what needed to happen, Bluby had already started to speak.

Jaune wasn't sure what Bluby said, and he didn't ever want to be sure of it. But whatever it was, it must have been intense, because Cinder and her crew didn't even try to kill themselves – they didn't need to, because after just a few seconds of Bluby talking to them, their heads exploded. Jaune flinched as the now-headless bodies fell over dead, leaking blood onto the floor. Figuring it was now over, he shakily removed his fingers from his ears, breathing a sigh of relief when he realized that Bluby was done talking, and that he wasn't covered in brains.

His relief faded when Bluby jumped up on the bed next to him, then rested her head against his shoulder. "Pat my head," she demanded, though there was no anger to it – rather, she was back to her usual depressed self.

Jaune immediately obliged, and she gave a content sigh before closing her eyes, a small grin creeping across her face.

He wasn't sure what the big deal was about headpats, and he didn't think he'd ever truly understand, but if Bluby considered them to be this serious, well, who was he to argue?

Here's one that gave me trouble at the start, but thankfully I eventually managed to settle into a rhythm for it, to the point where I was pretty damn happy with how it ended up by the end. Bluby was always going to be one of the harder chapters simply because of the nature of her alteration - that being, turning her into from the upbeat genki girl she is in canon to, basically, the Eeyore of Team RWBY. That was basically set up to be challenging from day one, and at first I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it, but I've gotta say, I'm pretty satisfied with the way this one turns out.

It might be awhile before the next two Wild Cards for RWBY Alter come out, by the way - I want to space them out, and inspiration struck for a different Wild Card in the meantime, one that a few of you have been asking for and that I initially wasn't going to do until I decided to just say fuck it and give it a shot, and what do you know, it's starting to look like it might actually be good enough to post.

So, that's about where I'm at for now. I rate this chapter a better-than-expected/10. Probably not as good as the Bleiss chapter, but given how much trouble this one gave me at first, I'm fine with that. Hopefully the next RWBY Alter is a bit easier to deal with.

Next update: Saturday, July 24.