Chapter Thirty Four - Secrets in the night
He jumped in his car and set off heading to his destination, a place that was not the family home…
Henry drove into the night to reach his destination. He slowly pulled the car to a stop and sat in silence for a moment. His eyes burning from the tears that threatened to fall, what had he done. He slammed his hands onto his steering wheel and grabbed them hard, twisting his palms around the leather material as his rage unleashed itself. He sat and screamed, his masculine roar fuelling the car as his hands repeatedly punched at the wheel, completely consumed by regret and rage, a deadly combination. He threw his body back into the seat and covered his face with his hands, his mind over thinking, he didn't know who he was without her, his entire ego had swallowed him. His shaking hand slowly reached for the door handle as he stepped outside and continued to walk further into the night.
The ground beneath him turned from a harsh surface to a softer one as he drew closer. He was thankful that summer nights continued to lighten the darkest of nights as he walked around. He stopped in his tracks and sighed heavily, slowly sitting on a bench nearby, looking out at the view before him; a view that took his breath away. He leant his elbows on his knees and buried his head into his hands as his tears threatened to spill over. A sharp intake of breath reminded his senses as he shook his legs softly, desperately trying to compose himself.
'I'm sorry' he whispered into the night sky, his words falling on empty ears, a hard hitting reminder that he was alone from this moment onwards. He broke into fresh cries and his sobs fell from his mouth effortlessly as he mourned the loss of his marriage, how ironic that his grief would take him to the very place where you mourn those who are no longer here.
He shuffled his feet and used his jacket sleeve to wipe his eyes. He sniffled and let out short shaky breaths as he looked on at the two stones before him; Her parents.
'I'm so sorry' he repeated his heart aching, that kind of deep routed ache which sunk all the way to your feet, and with every moment you're reminded of the heaviness you bear.
'I hurt your little girl. I wish you were here because I don't know who is going to look after her, she needs you, she needs family' he choked on his words as his eyes continued to shed tears. 'Oh god' his heart-wrenching cries continued to filter into the night sky as his soul shattered right before them. 'I'm so sorry' he repeated once again, for at this point in time there wasn't anything left to say, everything had changed and not for the good, apologies were the only thing left that made sense.
— MS —
It had been a few hours since Henry had handed Elizabeth the papers and they both walked away from the office, and their marriage. Elizabeth had spent the entirety of the aftermath in the situation room, trying to concentrate on the situation before her and the potential of a waging war on Russia, her soul screaming that she wanted out, but her exterior playing the part just like she had always done. From the moment Conrad dismissed them she practically ran out of the room, making her excuse to head back to the State department.
She headed back to her office and closed her eyes instantly as she spotted her staff all around Blakes desk awaiting her return.
'Madam Secretary, are we going to war with Russia?' Matt asked slightly panicked
'There are rumours, do I speak to the press?' Daisy questioned. All of them looked to her for guidance yet she felt unable to offer it. She couldn't speak, her sadness marinated in her mouth, leaving the most bitter sweet taste, after all it was proof that she loved and lost all at the same time.
'I urm… Blake, can you get me some coffee please? `` she breathed deeply and looked at him through her tired eyes. With a gentle rub of her eyes she tried to dampen her personal feelings and focus on her staff. Nadine watched her with a questioning eye, she knew Dr McCord had visited her earlier today and had a feeling her current state of confusion and distress was not purely down to the situation with Russia.
``We're in talks with Russia, why don't you go home and get some rest, it's going to be a long few days. If I know more through the night I'll get you to come back in' she offered softly to Matt and he nodded. She then turned to Daisy and smiled gently
'Just go home, leave the press, POTUS order is to deal with them when we have more information' She clarified and Daisy let out a sigh of relief as she thanked her boss and left with Matt to head home.
'Madam Secretary, Jay had to leave as he has Chloe tonight, I'll update him. Is there anything else?' Nadine asked and Elizabeth shook her head and pressed her lips together. 'Are you ok Ma'am?' She asked cautiously
'Yeah, fine. Just brings back the events of Geneva when we deal with Russia' she nodded strongly, it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth Elizabeth knew Nadine was looking for. 'Go home, I'll call you if there is an update' She smiled at Nadine and walked past her into the sanctuary of her office.
Once inside she froze, her body absorbing the events that took place in this very room just hours ago. She lowered herself down onto the couch and gripped at her heart, physically trying to hold it together as her mind tormented her. Her lips trembled as tried so hard to calm her breathing. A blinding headache formed as she relieved all of the last eight months, every argument playing on repeat in her head, a continuous cycle, each time the voices got louder and louder, almost like they were demanding her attention. She turned and rummaged through her bag desperately trying to locate some pain relief as her tears began to spill off her cheeks and onto her hands. That's when she seen it; the papers.
She slowly slipped them out and placed them on the table in front of her, she turned the pages and noted that both signature parts were empty, something which confused her even more, why ask for a divorce and not sign them. She sighed heavily and ran her hand through her hair. She closed her eyes for a moment trying to find a corner of her mind that showed her mercy but it was no use, her thoughts were relentless.
Blake stepped through the doors with her drink and smiled as he greeted her.
'Ma'am I took the liberty of making you a hot chocolate not a coffee, caffeine this late at night is never a good idea' he smiled and placed her drink down next to her papers. He quickly diverted his eyes as he spotted them and his heart sank. 'Madam Secretary, is there anything I can do for you?' He asked. She knew he had seen the papers, but she didn't have the energy to address it with him, instead she opted to ignore the elephant in the room.
'Yes please' her words are soft and fragile, 'Can you arrange an appointment with Dr Sherman please. I need to see her,' she admitted and Blake was shocked at her request, if anything it hurt him even more, for Elizabeth to be reaching out for help meant that things were bad.
'Of course Ma'am, I'll get it arranged in the morning for you, I don't think she will respond now' he paused as he glanced at his watch confirming it was late into the evening, nearly early morning. 'Ma'am, if I may…' he pushed but she raised her hand to silence him
'Please don't Blake, I know you mean well but I can't hear it, not tonight' her words drenched in sorrow as she was almost pleading with him. 'Go home like the others and get some rest' she requested and he nodded firmly.
'I've got some paperwork to finish up and then I'll head off, I should be done in about ten minutes, so if you need anything else I am still here' he mentioned and she thanked him.
As soon as he left the room she looked back at the forms before her. She reached for a pen and began to fill them out, signing on the dotted line, confirming that she wanted the courts to 'Dissolve a marriage'. As soon as she placed the pen down she quickly put the documents away and back in her bag, the sight of them making her physically sick. Her head started to spin as a wave of nausea flooded her. Elizabeth lifted her legs, tucking them up on the couch and lowered her head onto the pillows, taking deep breaths in and out.
It was no use, the sorrow engulfed her and she drowned in the flames of her burning marriage. She turned into the pillow and cried hard, her body shaking as her hysterical screams finally escaped her, the muffled sound travelling around the room and back to her side, greeting her like her only friend. The only difference was that this time these were not tears of frustration, anger, sadness, nor that of grief, yet the tears of acceptance. That this was finally over.
Blake knocked on the office door and slowly entered the room once again a few minutes later. He called out her name but she didn't respond, it was then he noticed Elizabeth asleep on the couch, her drink untouched but the documents that were once scattered on the table removed. He slowly walked over and slipped her shoes off her feet and removed the hair from her face, gently tucking it behind her ear. It was then he spotted her tear stained face. Her cheeks drenched in her mascara and the redness pierced through her skin complexion. He sighed heavily to himself unsure of how to even console her in the future.
Blake reached for the throw on the back of the couch and slowly opened it wrapping It around her, he was just thankful in that moment that she had managed to seek some rest. He then walked towards the office door, softly whispering her a goodnight as he switched the lights off, leaving her alone in the dark of the night.