Chapter Thirty Five - Circle of Five
Henry walked through the doors of the brownstone home, he sighed heavily as he threw his keys into the bowl on the side and looked around, Home… except it wasn't anymore. Just three days ago he had handed his wife divorce papers and no less than twenty-four hours later she came home from work shoving them on his desk revealing the contents had been signed. He glanced inside the very room that happened in. He paused for a split second as he exasperated, how had his life become so chaotic, a shambles of what was once a nearly perfect picture. He repositioned his grip on the bags in his hand and shoved his thoughts deep into the back of his mind as he entered the kitchen, getting food ready for the kids.
To his surprise the kitchen was occupied by Elizabeth. Her gaze fixed on the vase of flowers in the middle of the table, she knew it was Henry, her eyes didn't need to move for her to confirm that. His aroma intoxicated her, suffocating her as she breathed.
'I didn't realise you were home' he broke the silence, his words dry. Like all the emotion had been sucked out of them, a meaningless combination of letters shoved together to pave over the cracks.
'I urm…' She paused and stifled a laugh at the irony…'I finished early and didn't fancy sitting in Dr Sherman's office tonight so I came…' her words drifted off as she was about to call this place home when it dawned on her it was no longer a home '…came here' she finished.
'Have you rearranged with Dr Sherman?' He asked gently as he began to unpack the food into the fridge.
'Yeah, it was an old one. Blake made me another appointment two days ago…' her words fell flat at the end as the very mention of those events which took place knocked the wind out of her. She continued to stare at the vase before her, not once had she blinked nor had her body even moved. Henry looked on and his concern for her welfare grew. He put the rest of the groceries away whilst Elizabeth sat in silence, deafening silence. Never had he known the house to be so loud with unspoken words.
Once he finished he poured the two of them a glass of wine and headed over to the table, placing it softly in front of her.
'May I?' He asked permission to join her and she slowly nodded. The chair scraped across the floor and pieced through her ears, the sound adding to her already thumping head. He slowly pushed the glass closer to her. 'This will help' he offered and for the first time since he walked through the door she broke her gaze, glancing down at the red liquid in the glass and then his hand holding the base. She fought against her desire to trace his fingers with her own. She ran her hands down her thighs, gripping at her trousers trying to distract herself. With a sharp inhale she lifted her hand and took the glass from him, slowly taking a sip, letting the liquid soothe her aches.
'Thank you' she whispered.
'I want to talk to you, but I don't know If it's the right time' his words were calm and gentle which frustrated Elizabeth more because she knew this was what they needed before the divorce papers were signed, not after.
'I don't think there will ever be a right time anymore Henry' her soft ironic chuckle caught in her throat and almost turned to tears. Her eyes poured into her as she smiled sadly. 'I guess we do have a lot to talk about' she sighed and took another swig of her drink.
'I just wanted to speak to you about what I said last night in front of the kids, about me moving to the farm house…' he began to speak and the painful events of last night flashed into Elizabeth's mind.
'Mom?' Stevie called out and looked to Henry for support. Henry's silence spoke volumes to the kids and Elizabeth; it really was over. Henry remained silent as the heartache began to take hold of him too, creeping inside and squeezing the air from his lungs. He couldn't look at her for fear he would break too.
'What's going on?' Jason boldly asked. Henry looked at his children and pressed his lips together to stop them shaking. Elizabeth slowly looked up and over at the table, all her children's eyes on her, all confused by the scene before them. Henry caught a glimpse of her face, the tired, withdrawn and defeated look which consumed her being broken by him. He burst into whimpering sobs as he rose to walk towards his broken wife. Elizabeth remained motionless, every fibre of her being was engulfed in heartache, yet yearning for him to hold her, all while determined to avoid contact with him, as after all, she had to get used to being without him now.
Henry stood as close to her as possible while keeping a clear distance, unable to read her anymore.
'Dad?' The concern from the kid grew. He sighed and wiped away his tears as he turned to face the kids, his view now the same as Elizabeths; distorted, blurred and looking at three very scared and confused children. Their babies.
'Sit down kids' he spoke quietly as he attempted to search for Elizabeth's hand behind him, needing a hand to hold though this. She reached out and to his surprise allowed him to wrap his hand around just two of her fingers. She used her thumb to press into his grip, squeezing him in an attempt to suppress her emotions. She looked at him and softly nodded, her wrist flexing slightly, pulling him towards her. Henry took a step closer and stood at her side, his own thumb slowly caressing the backs of her fingers as he gaze fixed on his children who were now seated.
'Is someone sick?'
'No, no noodle no one is sick' Elizabeth smiled, she caught herself for a moment and removed her grip from Henrys, and walked over towards the table and placed a hand on noodles back, caressing her as she kissed the top of her head.
'Your father and I…' she paused for a breath, she had never said these words out loud, and the first time she was going to hear herself say them she was speaking to her children. She looked up at Henry and he nodded, signalling to her it was ok. In the moment her heart broke even more, just days ago he was saying to her that he didn't really want a divorce and now he is giving her permission to tell the kids.
'Your father and I are getting a divorce' she spoke with certainty and firmness. The room lingered in silence for a moment as the news fell upon fresh ears. Henry leant onto the kitchen island for support as he swallowed back his pain.
'I told you last night Henry, I don't mind you having the farm house, that's fine' she smiled softly and he nodded. 'You'll have to leave the NSA' she voiced, it was more of a statement of realisation.
'I think I should have left there a long time ago, Dimitri got into my head. I am not cut out for this kind of work. I think I'll go back to being a professor' he reasoned. 'And you?'
'Me? I'll stay here and at State, if I'm lucky I will finish this term with Conrad, if he is re-elected then I may get another four years, then who knows. I always assumed I would retire to the farm house, but I guess not…' she chewed her lip awkwardly.
'Despite our disagreements, I think you make a great Secretary of State' he confessed and she shook her head at him
'Don't. I don't want to hear it, not anymore' she shut him down. ``I don't want this divorce to be messy Henry' her bottom lip shook at the mere mention of the word. 'I just want all of this over with' she let out a soft pleading cry as she reached for the glass of wine once again, pushing her emotions to her core. Henry cleared his throat and mimicked her actions, physically pushing the lump in his throat away with a drink.
'We need to speak about Jase, he's not long turned thirteen…'
'Yeah, I've been thinking about him too, more so than the other two if I am honest. I just can't bring myself to admit it' she pressed her lips together and strained her neck as she battled so hard not to cry and accept her new reality.
'I know, but he cannot stay here Elizabeth, he is an impressionable young boy, he cannot potentially be on his own for hours on end whilst you're working. You're away a lot of the time and sometimes you don't even come home. I am not saying that out of spite either, I am trying to logically look at the welfare of our kids' He spoke delicately, there was no maliciousness to his tone as he attempted to wade through the muddy waters. She slowly nodded.
'I think Alison will want to come with you, she doesn't like it here. If she does then Jase will definitely have to live with you too. I mean let's face it, I am the absent parent' She scorned herself and shot back the remains of her drink before standing up and grabbing the bottle, placing it on the table with them and filling up her glass.
'Divorce means creating a broken family Henry, I am not sure I can cope with that.' The sorrow dripped from every word as the tears started to stream down her cheeks. Henry glanced down to his feet, unable to look at her broken form anymore. He swallowed hard before answering her.
'This family is already broken Elizabeth' He responded, again with no malice behind his words, just the truth; the cold hard truth.
'If you're deciding who is going with each parent don't you think it's something we should be part of?' Stevie asked as she made her presence known. They both looked up at her, stunned she was sitting on the stairs 'So where am I going, do I get a say because from the sounds of it Jase and Ali didn't' she sugeested and Elizabeth huffed and ran her hand through her hair.
'Its hypothetical Stevie, of course it depends on each of your own views and opinions but we also have to think of your welfare, your safety and your basic needs.' Elizabeth replied, a little wound up that her daughter always interrupted out of turn.
'Call them down' Henry ordered and Stevie nodded, running off upstairs to get her siblings and bring them back down. Henry reached out his hadn't and captured Elizabeths within his, squeezing her hand on the table offering a form of reassurance. 'You ready for this?' He asked, his own eyes laced with sadness. She shook her head slowly and pulled her hand away from his, tucking her hands into her lap.
All three children came down the stairs sheepishly and joined their parents at the table, forming a circle of five. Not one of them spoke, a fear of the unknown propelling through them. Awkward glances were exchanged, heads bowed and tears held back as their family fractured before them.
'Your father and I were just discussing future living arrangements…' Elizabeth took the lead and cleared her throat as she looked at her children individually.
'I want to stay here. Jareth is here, my life is here. I want to stay in DC' Stevie shrugged, it was simple for her and they all knew that. Elizabeth chewed her lip at her daughter's response, she knew it was coming as she voiced the same expression yesterday but it still didn't make it any easier hearing her advocate staying for her own life and not for her mother.
'Are you going to the farm house?' Alison looked across the table to Henry and he nodded.
'Yes, your mum is going to stay here and continue working as Secretary of State and I will head back to the farm, maybe look for a teaching job again.' He confirmed. Alison looked over to her mum, her eyes brimming with tears as her teenage heart ripped into two.
'It's ok noodle' Elizabeth whispered, she knew instantly what her daughter was thinking. Alison shook her head as her tears spilled down her cheeks.
'It's not. None of this is ok Mom. I want to be with you, both of you, together, but…' she spoke between broken sobs, her voice shaking as she looked at her dad. Elizabeth reached over and placed a loving hand on her daughters.
'It's ok Noodle, go back home. I'll be ok, I'm a big girl' she attempted to reassure her daughter whilst fighting her own emotions. Alison dipped her head and wailed into her lap. Both Henry and Elizabeth instinctively stood up and rushed to her. Both parents wrapped her in a hug, all three of them crying into one another as they held their youngest daughter.
'Well I am staying here. Piper is here, and I really want to get involved with changing the constitution. What better place to do that than right here in DC' Jason answers smugly. Henry and Elizabeth pulled apart and exchanged knowing glances. Henry nodded signalling he would lead this one.
'Jason, you can't stay here. You'll need to come back to the farm with me' He spoke and Jason slammed his hands down on the table
'WHAT!' He spat in anger. Stevie stood up and held up her hands in defeat.
'I'm going to Jareths-'
'No you're not, you will sit at this table and be part of these family discussions. You came down here and interrupted a conversation you were not part of and demanded that you were, so you can sit back down and stay.' Elizabeth warned her daughter. Stevie knew from her mothers tone of voice that it was in her best interest to sit back down and be quiet. Elizabeth's gaze never moved until she firmly sat back at the table.
'Hello? Is anyone going to tell me why these two get choices and I dont?' Jason argued.
'Look Jase, we're sorry but you're just too young. Your mom works long hours, she can be anywhere In the word at any point in time, she could have a crisis which holds her up in the situation rooms for days, it's just not feasible to leave you on your own during that' Henry reasoned
'How is that even fair! I am nearly fourteen, I am practically a grown up' he snorted
'Thing is Jase, had you listened to us and started acting like a grown up and you didn't sneak around, lying to us, having secret social media accounts, inviting friends back who haven't been vetted, spending all our money then we might just have given you a little bit of trust, but we can't' Henry argued back and Elizabeth stepped in.
'What your father is trying to say is that you're still a kid, you have lots of growing up to do and you cannot do that without a stable parent figure in your life. As much as I want it to be Jason, it's not me. I am not going to be home every night to make sure you're ok.' She smiled sadly as she sniffed back her tears.
'Do you not want me here, is that it?' He asked, his voice thick with emotion.
'Oh no, no slugger that isn't it at all' she walked to him, dropping to her knees before him. 'Oh Jason, you're my baby, all of you are my babies and I want you all here with me under one roof, all of us. Your dad included but we just can't, not anymore it isn't fair on anyone. I know it feels like this is the worst thing in the world, believe me I am right there with you but I promise you that this will be for the best' She cried, showing her children the raw emotion and reality of their broken home.
'I'm sorry I just can't process this. I need to leave,' Stevie announced and walked away from the family, slamming the front door behind her. Alison sunk into her fathers side and grabbed hold of him as she cried, soaking his t-shirt in her salty tears as they fell uncontrollably.
'I love all of you so much, more than you'll ever know. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. So sorry' She whispered as she looked over at her children, her glance ending on Henry. He walked over to Elizabeth and Jason with Alison still on his side.
'I love you mom, Dad' they both spoke as they fell in for a family hug.
``We love you too,' they whispered as Henry kissed them both on the head, holding them tightly as his own tears fell. He looked down at Elizabeth and leant down to kiss the top of her head softly. She glanced up at him, her own vision distorted as she tried to focus.
'I will always love you' he mouthed silently to her and she nodded, a fresh wave of tears breaking, like a wave crashing upon a shore. She gripped her children harder, knowing it wouldn't be long before her home which held five, would soon only hold two.