AN: - As you reviewed on guest I cannot respond to your directly - but the reason I do not post all the chapters at once is because despite the fact i am on chapter 62 myself the story is not by any means finished so i am not going to give you an unfinished document in one hit and leave myself with nothing and then have to frantically write to update when everyone requests.
So glad everyone is enjoying this and that you all seem to be as addicted to this as I am writing it! Thanks for sticking with the angst, I know it's hard but it will be worth it, I promise!.
as always, please read and review.
Chapter Thirty Eight - The Official Release; The Morning Before
Every second of the night was watched intensely by Elizabeth, wishing constantly for time to stop, for she knew that with every second that passed she was minutes closer to her two youngest leaving home, and not for the reasons she always assumed they would be flying the nest. She hadn't moved all night, her body remained positioned in her office chair, continuously reading over the words that were going to be released to the press today. It was as if she was hoping somehow between reading it each time it would change, that today wasn't the day her world was about to change.
She heard someone stumbling around the kitchen, cupboards opening and closing, followed by the fridge and then the clicking of the coffee machine. She grimaced as she knew she didn't have the stomach to face Henry today. Elizabeth rose to her feet and walked upstairs, being sure to use the steps within the hallway, completely avoiding the kitchen area.
She knocked softly on Alison's door and peered inside; her little girl sat on the bed just staring into space. Elizabeth looked at her and swore in that instant she was her little girl sitting nervously on the bed waiting to start school, not her grown sixteen year old moving back to Virginia without her.
'Morning Noodle' Elizabeth whispered as she entered the room, pushing the door closed behind her. 'You ok?' She asked and Alison shook her head. She looked down at her feet and felt her mothers presence beside her on the bed.
'It's going to be ok' Elizabeth spoke but Alison laughed at the irony
'Really?' She scoffed and Elizabeth inhaled sadly
``It will, because you hate it here Noodle, you never wanted to move to DC in the first place, all the colleges you wanted to attend are closer to the farm, your friends are there, and your dad will be there. I think you can get through life without me, but not him.' Elizabeth opted for raw honesty in that tender moment with her daughter. Alison looked up at her mom, tears instantly filling her eyes and she shook her head.
'Mom I don't know what I'll do without you' She cried and Elizabeth pressed her lips together to dampen her own emotion. She wrapped her arms around Alison and held her close, softly kissing the top of her hair.
'Oh Baby, If I thought that was true I wouldn't let you go, I really wouldn't' she whispered into her hair as she looked up at the ceiling and blinked rapidly. It crushed her to even speak like this but she couldn't hide the truth anymore, their children needed Henry, and not because he was the one with a more stable job, the more present parent but because he was the one who would deal with this divorce so much better than she will. He will be able to be the rock for his children, she simply didn't feel strong enough. She pulled back and softly wiped her daughter's eyes.
'I know today will be tough, and I have to be honest Alison, I can't be here when you leave-'
'What? Mom no' she shook her head but Elizabeth swallowed hard and continued to explain.
'Oh baby I can't, it will be too painful for me to watch you so sad, and I think me being here when you go will make it so much harder on us all. I don't want to do that, you kids have been through enough' She tucked Alisons hair behind her ear and smiled sadly.
'I love you so much Noodle, I'm going to miss you but I promise if you ever need me, or want to see me, anything you let me know ok?' She held back her own tears as Alisons continued to pour.
'I'm going to miss you too mom' she whispered. Elizabeth pulled her in for a tight hold. Squeezing every last moment out of her and she inhaled her scent. 'I've left some clothes here so I've got some things for when I come and stay with you, and just in case you miss me, you can borrow a sweater' she sniffled and Elizabeth giggled softly at her daughter's kind heart.
'Most of them are mine that you've left aren't they?' Elizabeth joked and Alison laughed
'Maybe'
'I love you Baby' Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her again and kissed the top of her head softly.
'I love you too, I'll See you later mom' she sniffled as Elizabeth stood. She ran her hand down Alison's cheekbone, letting it linger for a moment before peeling herself away and blowing her a kiss goodbye.
She stood in the hallway for a few moments gathering herself before walking towards the next bedroom, peering inside as the door was already ajar. She smiled as she watched Jason getting ready for school.
'You do know you don't have to go in if you didn't feel like it today?' She offered but he shrugged
'I want some normality today' he turned and looked at his hair in the mirror. Elizabeth nodded firmly, understanding he would be a tough one to speak to this morning.
'I just wanted to come and see you before I go to work, I won't be around later when you leave. I think it's better that way' she explained and he nodded at her, remaining silent. 'Please say something Jase'
'What am I supposed to say mom? I don't get a choice in any of this so why does what I have to say matter?' He snapped
'Because your my son, and I need to know you're ok'
'Perfect' the sarcastic tone nipped at the air between them.
'Jason I don't want to argue with you, I just want to let you know that I am going to miss you so much, you might be a pain in the backside but you make me laugh so much, and you give the best hugs when none of your sisters are watching' Elizabeth winked and Jason sighed, his mother had gotten to him, breaking through his first barrier.
'I'm going to miss winding you up about the constitution' he joked and she laughed, thankful for his humour as it made it easier for her to contain her emotions.
'Now why do I feel like you're going to still find a way to let me know somehow….' She raised an eyebrow
'Well now that you mention it, I was going to make a huge banner about it and run naked down the street to get everyone attention, including yours' he mocked and she playfully swatted him
'I was thinking more along the lines of you texting me, or maybe calling' She reasoned
'Where is the fun in that?'
'Jason Henry McCord if I see any news article about you running naked down a street there will be hell to pay, I'll be straight down that Farm and we will be having words' She warned but with a subtle softness to her tone.
'I'll miss you too mom' he winked and she smiled softly.
'I love you slugger' she whispered and opened her arms for him to fall within. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and she felt a gentle pull where he squeezed her tighter. She kissed the top of his head and ran her hands up and down his back as she held her baby boy.
'I love you too mom, but your policies stink' he laughed and she playfully pulled him off her, she narrowed her eyes on him and shook her head. She winked at him and rubbed the top of his head messing up his hair.
'Mom!' He moaned
'Sorry Jase, I love you, but your hair stinks' she joked and left his room, glancing back at him wondering how on earth she was going to cope without him, any of them. Elizabeth strode towards her room and smiled at Stevie as she passed her in the hallway.
'You ok Mom?' She asked and Elizabeth nodded, somehow feeling content after her conversation with Jason, almost like his humour reassured her that things would be ok.
'Yeah baby. How are you holding up?' She smiled softly
'I'm ok I think. It will be strange but I just keep telling myself I am hardly here anyway so it won't be that different' she tried to departmentalise a little and Elizabeth nodded, the very same thoughts running through her own mind.
'You're going to Paris later tonight right?'
'Yes, I will be leaving this afternoon, have you decided if you're going to the farm with your father or will you be going to see Jareth?' She beamed as her daughter's face lit up at the mention of her boyfriend's name.
'I'm going to see Jareth, I just need to escape from it all. Safe flight mom' she wrapped her arms around Elizabeth and slowly slipped off heading away from her, leaving Elizabeth standing in the hallway alone. She glanced around and noted that everything remained within its place, like nothing had been touched, nor changed yet everything had changed within the four falls of the home, in fact it had never felt less like home before.
A short while later after she had got herself ready for work she decided to walk downstairs and enter the kitchen, determined to make herself a strong coffee to go. Henry sat at the kitchen table aimlessly stirring the milk in his cereal bowl when he heard the clicking of her heels filter through the air behind him. He glanced to his right as he watched her walk past him, the vision of her looking deflated crippled him, it was like someone trapped his heart in a vice and continued to squeeze it as hard as they could.
She stood at the counter with her back to him, impatiently shaking her leg as her anxieties began to bubble inside. Henry watched her intently, desperately wanting to sneak up to her and snake his hands around her waist. He loved those black heels on her, and the black pinstripe trousers which hugged to her slender hips somehow made her look taller. Her black blazer shopping her silhouette perfectly, nipping in at the waist, the arms cutting just above the elbow allowing her tanned skin to glisten in the late summer morning sunlight. He felt his core tug as he began to think of her, a sudden desire built inside, an unfamiliar feeling to him of recent.
His mind raced over and over, he quickly realised that his thoughts of Elizabeth were becoming slightly sexual, the kind that had previously left Elizabeth late for work due to 'Traffic' issues in the morning. Henry cleared his throat, attempting to stop his thoughts in their tracks, he hadn't thought about her like that for months, so why now?
Upon hearing his throat clear she glanced over her shoulder instinctively. Her hands wrapped around her take away cup and she pressed her lips together. Her body shifted as she leant against the counter, facing Henry for the first time that morning. He glanced up and once again noticed her attire and the black pussy-bow blouse which sat under her blazer. Then it dawned on him, Black. The colour of mourning, how very fitting he thought to himself. Once again his reality dawned on him, this was the last time he would see her make her morning coffee and head to work. A routine that he'd become so accustomed to will no longer be there as soon as the sun rises tomorrow.
'I have to go to work now. Can you please text me when you have all arrived at the farm? I know you're travelling with Matt and one of the other DS agents so they will let Blake know, but I'd like to hear it from you too, if that's ok?' She spoke gently, the kindness within her actions making Henry smile at her.
'Of course. Thanks for letting Matt drive us down. What time is your flight?' He asked
'I think Matt was just thankful I wasn't asking him to attend some soccer game of Ali's or walk in a park with lots of open space for a change' she chuckled slightly but it soon stopped as a prang of hurt ran through her, the reality that she wouldn't be watching one of Alison's soccer games again taunted her. 'My flight is…I don't know actually, around four this afternoon I think' she squinted trying to extract information from her tired brain but it was no use. She sighed in defeat and sipped her coffee. 'I've got to go. Take care Henry' she whispered, her eyes glistened as she looked over to him one last time. She watched him Stand and the fear engulfed her, she couldn't do it, she couldn't stand and say goodbye to him, it was too painful. Before he managed to get close to her she shook her head, waved him off and quickly exited the kitchen heading out the front door.
Henry stood in the kitchen shaking his head, anger instantly fuelling him. Was that it? After more than twenty years together that is how she opted to say goodbye to him for the final time? He huffed in annoyance and resumed his seat at the table going back to his bowl of cereal. His mind infiltrated with all their previous arguments, the rage building as he tried to fight off the idea of chasing after her and demanding a goodbye.