AN: I hope none of you thought I would be flash forwarding to the future and making everything ok ;). I promised myself that every little detail would be covered in this fic so here is some more heartbreak for you.

As always, thanks for reading and reviewing!

Lauren x

Chapter Forty - The simple act of Closing A Door

The constant clicking of a camera and intense flashing of lights before their very eyes was something Elizabeth and her staff had become accustomed to since she accepted her position as Secretary of State approximately fourteen months ago. However, during recent times things had intensified to no end, and it was something that now provided a continual headache for most of them, it felt like no moment of time was their own to breathe, as they all became consumed by the press and their endless questions regarding the McCords Divorce.

Nadine sighed heavily as they approached Elizabeths house in DC.

'Sorry Ma'am, but I think you have a road full' she shook her head disapprovingly and immediately pulled out her phone to message Daisy.

'It's to be expected, I dropped a bombshell on them and fled to Paris five days ago. I wouldn't be surprised if most of them have been waiting here for my return since Elizabeth sighed heavily as she tried to peer out the window and down the street. 'Let's just hope my neighbours don't have any complaints' she rolled her eyes, in particular thinking of the ones right next door who had also spent time complaining about the engines running on her motorcade all night.

'Well if they do be sure to let me know, I can whip up another presentation' Blake mocked trying to lighten the tension. Elizabeth gave her best fake laugh but it was so transparent that even she shook her head at her own attempt.

'Thank you both for accompanying me home' She smiled, a small warmth filling her as she looked between both her staff members, the two of whom she'd have to say she was closest two, and perhaps in some ways the two she thought were most loyal to her. The car rolled to a stop and she inhaled deeply, preparing herself for the onslaught of cameras in her face that she was about to face.

'I'll have Daisy clear this mess up Madam Secretary, you won't be ambushed outside your home again' Nadine confirmed and Elizabeth nodded gratefully.

'Ma'am wait here, we will guide you out and get you to the house. I'll wait by the door, just knock on the window when you're ready to come out' Matt ordered and she nodded and she caught his gaze in the mirror. She sat in silence as she waited for Matt to stand by the back door. She shuffled along the seat and glanced back at Nadine and Blake.

'Thanks again you two, wait here and I'll make sure Matt arranges for one of the guys to take another car and drop you home. See you in the morning, Goodnight' She smiled softly and then tapped on the window. As soon as the door opened she was blinded by a sea of white lights flickering in her face, so many voices shouting a triumphant amount of questions in her direction as they pushed and shoved trying to get a glimpse of her. Matt continued to walk through them holding Elizabeth close as he tried hard to break a clear pathway for her.

'Get my staff home please Matt' She requested and he nodded firmly, slowly guiding her towards her front door where she was greeted by more DS agents. She stepped between them and to her door as the DS agents quickly moved and stood together, blocking the press from seeing her as they offered a human barrier whilst she unlocked the door and entered her house.

Elizabeth huffed shakily as she pushed her front door open and stepped inside. She let a shiver run down her body as she dropped her bags and turned, pushing the door shut, hearing it click, signalling it was firmly closed. Her fingers lingered on the handle as she bowed her head, the noise quieting as her senses refined to her new calmer environment. It was then it hit her; Silence. The house was empty. A sad sigh evaded her. She danced her fingers delicately around the door handle, wondering if Henry was the last person to touch it, trying to feel any connection with the man she lost.

Elizabeth's body slowly began to shift to the left, turning one-hundred and eighty degrees to face the house before her, the house that was once the McCord home. Her eyes cast over the hallway, the partial view of the lounge area through to the kitchen and their offices, now only her office. It felt so much bigger than she remembered. Her breath hitched the back of her throat as she stood motionless, she had just closed the door to her past, securely shutting it. She now stood and faced her present, her future. The room almost foretells her what she had in store for the rest of her adult years; emptiness. In that instance she'd take it all back, all the fighting, screaming, the arguing everything, she'd do anything just for a bit of noise.

The silence was too much for her heart to bear.

Her feet suddenly like lead, with a struggle to lift them she slowly dragged herself into the kitchen in search of some wine, or anything stronger to numb the swirly pool of emotions that continued to brew beneath the surface. She reached into the cupboard and grabbed herself a glass and the half drank bottle of whiskey. Her eyes burned as she forced them to stay open, refusing to blink and give into the salty tears which were fighting to form. Elizabeth twisted and slammed the Tumblr down on the kitchen island as she unscrewed the cap of the whiskey, pouring herself an extremely large measure.

She watched as the brown liquid trickled from the bottle down to the glass, she slowly lifted the bottle mesmerised as the liquid now poured from a higher height. It was then she saw it. Through the bourbon they used to share her eyes clasped onto a letter, propped up on the surface. She brought the bottle back down and screwed the cap back on, her eyes fixated on the folded up piece of paper with her name on it. Her eyes dropped down momentarily to locate her drink and darted back up to the letter. Shaky hands gripped the glass and brought it to her mouth as she washed the lump in her throat down with a drink that burnt to the core.

She pressed her lips together and pondered the contents, it said Elizabeth, there was only one person that was off. She knew from the handwriting, for she had spent many years receiving cards, letters, random post it notes from him, she would recognise his writing anywhere. Her glass collided with the surface and she leant over, grabbing it within her hands. Instantly unfolding it, curiosity getting the better of her,

Elizabeth,

I was going to speak to you tonight but It just didn't feel right, so I opted to write this instead and leave it for you when I leave tomorrow. You won't be reading this until you are back from Paris, unless you've forgotten something and had to rush home before the fight, if so I hope you have a safe flight, if you've just returned then I hope the trip was ok, I know Stevie is not there tonight which makes me so sorry that you don't have a welcome home committee. I hope to be at the Farm by the time the news hits and I hope you're in the air and do not get caught up in an ambush. I am dreading the press fall out if I am honest, I know It will be worse for you and I am sorry for that. It's all my doing, you were right, I am the one who asked for this. It seems silly to tell you now that I wish I never asked, but what is done is done. I don't know how we got to where we are, so far removed from our marriage that I felt it was the only escape route. I hope my telling you of this isn't confusing you, I am just trying to explain myself, something I have not done very well over the last few months. I have left you the coffee machine because I know you're going to need endless supplies of caffeine with Conrad's Re-election coming around soon. The pantry is full of your favourite wine, I made sure you were stocked up, there is chocolate in the cupboards and plenty of pistachio and vanilla ice cream in the freezer for you. Please try and have some meals in between all of that, you need to look after yourself. I know you don't normally take them but I did make sure there were headache tablets in the bathroom for you, just in case. I'm sorry for everything Elizabeth, maybe one day we can move past this and, well we will see where time leads us.

Take Care,

H x

Elizabeth sucked hard on her tongue as she forced her emotions to settle back down, a refusal to cry and give into the pain anymore riddled her. She folded the letter back up and threw it down on the side. Her hand collided with the glass as she swept it up and poured the liquid down her throat in one swift motion. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut as the alcohol ran through her system, her throat burning as her cheeks flushed. She cleared her throat and began to leave the kitchen to walk upstairs to her bedroom. She glanced down at the kitchen island as she ascended the stairs, her eyes cast over the empty glass positioned on the table next to the letter from him, once again the glass acting out as a metaphor, reminding her that the glass was always half empty within their marriage, if only could perceive it as half full, maybe, just maybe things would have been different.

Elizabeth almost threw herself through her bedroom door, determined not to give herself a moment to overthink another ounce of last few months. She discarded her coat and shoes, throwing them on the chaise-longue in the corner of the room. Her bare feet threaded over to the bathroom, closing the door behind her as she ran the shower and began to strip.

Her mind tried to tease her into turning to face the mirror, but she didn't need to, she had observed it when she walked into the room; the emptiness on his side. All bottles of aftershave, cleaning and shaving products for him are gone. She gave into the pressures of her mind and glanced down at the surface beneath the mirror, a harrowing image before her; just one toothbrush in the pot, where for the last twenty years or more there was always two. Her hand clasped around her mouth as she turned quickly, almost running into the shower and under the boiling water. The heat burned through her just like the whiskey did moments ago.

Time escaped her, in fact it had done for the last few months. She had no idea how long she was in the shower for, or how long ago she returned home, nor how long she had been sitting in her towel on the edge of the bed staring into space, for there was no one entering the room to break her thoughts. When she became aware of the fact her skin was now bone dry and covered in goosebumps she slowly rose to get dressed, she pulled her pyjama bottoms over her legs and grabbed a thin vest top from her cupboard, pulling it down over her wet hair and adjusting it on her body. Normally she would blow dry her hair, or at least comb through it and spend time at her dressing table doing her skin care routine but all of her energy had burned out, she had nothing left.

She pulled back the covers and climbed into bed, that's when she seen it, another note. This time accompanied by two items. She closed her eyes as her chest caved in harshly on her lungs, forcing her to take a deep breath. She handpicked the folded paper just like the one downstairs and she used her free hand to feel the items left for her. Once the letter opened her eyes jumped straight to the writing, not allowing her brain a second to compose itself.

Elizabeth,

This is the last note I promise. I just wanted to leave you these. My UVA sweater doesn't fit me anymore and I know you seek comfort from it when I've been overseas, or away somewhere over the years, it felt fitting that I left it to help you now. I also found the reading glasses when clearing out some of my things. I didn't really know what to do with them, it didn't feel right for me to keep them knowing I wouldn't be returning home to give them to you, like the promise they hold.

Sleep well, Love From

Your Henry

x

Her hand clutched at the pink glasses she had previously given him, and her other gripping the letter so tight it almost tore. Her body began to shake as the emotions bubbled away. She dropped the contents in her hands and turned her head into her pillow. Her voice reached its peak as she screamed and screamed into it. Her body shook violently as the sadness rippled within her. The muffled sounds filtered through the air as her body surrendered to the emotions within, her soul letting out blood curdling screams into the dead of the night as she mourned the loss of her marriage, the loss of her family, and the loss of herself.