Chapter Forty One - Let It go
Henry sat in a small corner of a cafe within DC, patiently waiting for Elizabeth to arrive. His fingers tapped on the table as he tried to settle his nerves. His hands reached around his coffee mug and tried to slowly sip on it as a form of distraction, but it was no use. The longer Elizabeth took, the more unsettled he became.
'Sorry I am late' she apologised as she took a seat opposite him. Henry hadn't even been aware of her motorcade pulling up outside, nor did he hear the sound of the cafe door open, he was a little taken back by her sudden presence. Elizabeth smiled awkwardly, her reality checking in with her and she realised she should probably ask to join him at the table these days and not just assume.
'It's ok, you're not that late.' He smiled nervously and she raised an eyebrow at him. Her eyes glanced down to her watch and she rolled her eyes.
'So half an hour isn't that late?' She questioned curiously, wondering why he was suddenly so accepting of her being late. Henry refused to comment, knowing where that conversation was heading, and it was going towards a dead end, one they had repeatedly crashed into many times.
'How was Paris?' He asked and she shook her head at him.
'Nope, no smalltalk Henry' she almost commanded as she spoke. Her guard was raised and she had no intentions of lowering it for anyone, not even her estranged husband.
'Don't treat me like a diplomat Elizabeth' He hissed as he leant over the table, getting closer to her. His words propelled off her armour as she stared him down, this time a refusal from her to speak. The air within them lay thick with tension, both still clearly furious with their last conversation in Paris, the one where Henry asked if she was having an affair with Conrad.
``We have things we need to discuss'' She opened and was about to discuss their assets and how best to divide them between each of them but Henry cut across.
`` Did you get my note?' He questioned and knew instantly from the look in her eyes that she had read them. 'Elizabeth we do need to speak, but perhaps about other things-'
``We need to stick to the topic at Hand Henry. Yes I got your letters thank you. Henry I need you to remember that we're getting a divorce, things between us are purely transactional now' She explained and he shook his head in disgust at her, how had she turned so cold in the matter of days; eleven days to be exact. Only Eleven days since the news of their divorce hit the news and she had completely checked out of the process already.
'I don't care about our assets, I only need the farm house so the kids and I have a roof over our heads. The rest I really don't care about Elizabeth' he sighed and sunk back into his chair.
'Henry I need you to discuss this with me' she stressed, her frustrations growing.
'Why?' He snapped forward, his tone lowered ensuring not to attract any attention. He was already annoyed that she opted to meet in a public place, but for Elizabeth it felt safest, she hoped there would be no intense emotions In public, but she was so very wrong.
'Because I need this over with Henry. It's torture. I need an agreement drawn up between you and I and then I need it to be pushed through the courts as quickly as possible' she bit back at him, the honesty from her was not something either of them expected.
Henry began to tap his fingers on the table once again, trying to control himself. He grinned his teeth together to physically stop himself from causing a scene, opting to swallow his words whole instead. His eyes burned into her, forcing Elizabeth to avert her gaze every now and then as the pressure between them rose.
'How is Stevie?' He asked and she nodded slowly, her heart sinking into that smalltalk as a wave of familiarity washed over her.
'She's ok. She has Jareth coming over for food tonight so that will be a nice change. How is Ali and Jase?' She asked hopefully 'I haven't really heard from them, well Alison I have but not Jase. Is he still mad at me?' She bit her lip nervously.
'They're ok I think. Alison is taking it harder than Jason, or so it seems but both are ok, we're taking loads so that's the main thing' he reassured her. 'I am sorry Jason is mad at you, that's my doing.' He resided and she shrugged his comment off.
'It is Elizabeth and you know it. He thinks most of this is your fault. I need to talk to him, let him know it's 50/50 and that the decision for divorce was my doing. I should have done it sooner but I've been so wrapped up in my own emotions' he confessed and shook his head sadly.
'Please don't tell them' she offered and Henry looked at her confused. 'They have been through enough. I'd rather them hate the parent they don't live with, than to blame you and not have someone to turn to. Please don't tell him' she smiled sadly. She wanted nothing more than for her children to be ok, and she would do anything to protect them from even more harm. Henry didn't know how to respond to her so instead sunk back into a silence. Elizabeth rubbed her eye and rested her elbow on the table, her head leaning on her hand. The silence irritating her, it was a sound she was so used to when alone, she didn't need it when in company of others as well.
'Listen Henry, if we cannot talk about this we don't have too. I will speak with the divorce lawyers again, get them to be our means of communication. I need to go, I promised Stevie I would be home on time today.' She didn't give him much of an option to respond before she stood up and started walking from the table. She turned and looked over her shoulder at him, the sadness wrapped around him like a comfort blanket.
'Thanks for coming to DC to speak with me Henry. I do appreciate it. For what its worth, I wish you never handed me the papers too' she admitted sadly as her lips formed a sad smile, her eyes soaked in sorrow as she silently inhaled before leaving and heading back to the house.
~ MS ~
As she stepped through the brownstone she had to admit having her senses filled with sound and food which smelt good soothed her core, it was something she hadn't realised she was missing until that very moment. Elizabeth put her best game face on and headed into the Kitchen to join her daughter and her partner for dinner, watching their love blossom as hers withered.
'Mom! Welcome Home, we have home-made lasagna tonight' Stevie grinned as Elizabeth peaked inside the dish, then wrapping an arm around her daughter, kissing her head softly.
"Hi Baby, it smells sooo good'
'Madam Secretary Hi' Jareth greeted her
'Hi Jareth, please call me Elizabeth' She smiled and gently wrapped the younger boy in a hug.
'I haven't seen you both in a while, Stevie is always swanning off to see you. How have things been? What's new? Tell me, tell me, tell me' she grinned as she slipped off her coat and hung it on the back of the chair. She listened to Jareth speak as she poured herself a glass of wine.
'Not a lot if we're truthful. Classes have been intense, and well we have discussed maybe a little trip to London to meet my family before this year is out but that's it really. What about you Elizabeth? What's new for you?' He asked without thinking. Stevie dropped the spoon as he spoke and turned to grimace at him, his face falling as he realised what he said.
'It's fine, don't worry about it. I have recently come back from Paris. I had a NATO meeting out there and well it's pretty much consumed my time since I've returned' she half lied. Elizabeth swirled the drink around the glass and looked away awkwardly, not knowing how to skip over this moment.
'I am so sorry Eli-'
'It's ok really, It's going to happen. It's something I've got to get used to. Now if you don't mind I am going to pass on dinner but I would love Leftovers' she spoke and began to walk towards the stairs, suddenly feeling too overwhelmed to be in a room with a young loved up couple. A couple that was once her and Henry.
'Oh Mom, please he didn't mean-'
'It's nothing to do with that. I just had to met your dad to discuss some things, and well you know what I am like in a cafe, its pastry heaven so I am full on coffee and cake' she lied, if truth be told she hadn't touched an item of food for nearly four days now, her stomach churned every time she tried. Luckily for Elizabeth Stevie accepted her mothers lie and rolled her eyes at her love for pastry.
'Well, Jareth is not staying tonight so I'll come see you later when we're done' Stevie smiled softly and Elizabeth nodded.
'Night both, Enjoy' she dismissed herself as she walked up to her bedroom, a room she had recently grown so much resentment for.
'I should go' Jareth lingered on the last word as he grimaced at Stevie.
'Yeah, I hate to have to agree but I think she might need me' Stevie sighed and Jareth came over, he rubbed the top of her arms softly and kissed the top of her head.
'Go and make sure she is ok, I'll see you tomorrow?' He asked and she nodded.
'Night' they both chorused together. Once Jareth had grabbed his belonging and left Stevie climbed the stairs and went in search of her mother. She knocked on the bedroom door and pushed it open, looking at her mom sat at her dressing table removing her make up.
'Everything ok?' Elizabeth asked as she watched her daughter enter her room from the reflection of the mirror.
'Jareth went home, I figured you may have wanted some peace' She spoke with uncertainty. Elizabeth lowered her make up wipe and turned to her daughter.
'I am ok Stevie, you didn't have to send him home' her response was full of warmth as she tried to reassure her.
'I didn't, he suggested it' Stevie corrected her. 'How are you really?' She pushed a little more, taking a seat on her mothers bed. Elizabeth pressed her lips together and dipped her head for a second.
'A long vacation doesn't sound like a bad idea, put it that way' She tried to joke her way out of it. Stevie giggled a little and then looked at her mother with a deep concern brewing inside her eyes.
'You haven't eaten much recently' she bit her lip nervously and Elizabeth nodded.
'I know baby, I am ok. Blake, Nadine, all of my staff are looking after me I promise. I just -' she paused wondering just how much she exposed herself. She looked at Stevie, her first born now a grown woman before her, her heart ached as the memories of her childhood, all shared with Henry came rushing to her mind. '- I just don't feel like eating sometimes. It hurts too much to think, let alone eat' she offered and Stevie sighed.
'I don't know what to do to help mom' she confessed. Elizabeth moved from her dressing table and over to her daughter, she took a seat next to her and captured her hands with her own.
'Nothing, you don't have to do a thing because I am the parent not you. I'll be fine, I promise. I will not let love take me out this way. I just need some time to adjust that's all'
'I don't know how you carry on daily. I love Jareth so much and just the thought of splitting from him hurts, let alone you and dad and what you had' Stevie began to get herself worked up.
'Hey, hey, calm down. It's ok baby. Listen Stevie, your father and I have been at war with one another for months, long before you kids were aware of any of it. It's new and it's raw for you guys, but your father and I have come to terms with it. We are both hurting, and will at times still get emotional but we will be ok. All of us will' She reassured her daughter but Stevie's eyes filled with tears as she listened to her mom.
'How can you be so sure?' She sniffled
'Just because we're separated doesn't mean we don't still have a family, and the McCords get through everything' she nudged her daughter playfully and pulled her in for a long motherly hug. Elizabeth bit down hard on her own cheek to stop her emotions spilling out. She had told the truth earlier today to Henry, they had been through enough, they needed to shelter the children from the truth as much as possible. It was not their mess to clear.
Elizabeth pulled back and wiped a few stray tears from Stevie's eyes.
'If it's not too late go and spend the night with your man, go on. I'll be ok' Elizabeth smiled to hide the ache which had deeply rooted within.
'Are you sure?' She wiped her tears and Elizabeth nodded
'Go' she ushered her out the room, giggling softly at her daughter's happiness as she sent her off to go and see Jareth.
Once Elizabeth was sure Stevie had gone she slowly carried herself into the en-suite. Her body leant against the door as it clicked shut, offering her some privacy in a house she was already alone in. Her legs buckled before her and her body sank to the floor. The truth of her reality felt like swallowing sand, her body ached as she was running on empty, her body out of gas. Her constant efforts to reassure everyone she was ok came to head each night as she found she wasn't so strong. Her head tilted back against the door as she drew her knees tighter to her chest. Her lips trembled as her eyes began to water once more, a nightly routine she had become accustomed too. The yearning for her husband had become her bedtime lullaby, one she was hypnotised by as she remained seated on the bathroom floor all night once again.