Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls

by Obsequium Minaris

A series of unconnected one-shots in which Jaune Arc tries his luck with the various lovely ladies of the RWBY cast, only to find that these ships are anything but smooth sailing. Updates return starting Saturday, 04/09/2022.

57. Wild Card - Grimm Monster Girls

Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls

Chapter 57: Wild Card – Grimm Monster Girls

---

High up in Beacon's tower, Ozpin stared at his screen, watching the students as initiation unfolded in the forest down below. He steadily sipped at his cocoa, watching with interest as Ruby Rose cut an Ursa in half with her scythe.

"Well, this year's crop of students certainly looks promising," he noted.

He waited for a response, but didn't get one. Frowning, he turned towards his assistant. "Glynda, that was your cue."

"Sorry, what?" she asked, looking up from her scroll.

Ozpin's frown deepened. "You're not paying attention."

"It's hard to pay attention to anything you're saying when one of the students just got kidnapped by a Grimm girl."

"Truly?"

"Yes – you can hear him screaming through the scroll."

"Oh. To tell you the truth, from the sound of his voice, I thought that was Miss Schnee." He shook his head. "Anyway, which one was it?"

"Jaune Arc, sir."

Ozpin furrowed his brow. After a moment, he shrugged, then took a sip of cocoa. Glynda just stared at him.

"You don't seem very concerned about this," she observed.

"He's an Arc, he'll be fine," Ozpin said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Glynda blinked. "Clearly, you know something I don't."

"Yes, I know what Arc men are like. Trust me, he'll be fine. Drained, but fine."

"Regardless, I think we should go get him," Glynda offered. "I don't know what the Grimm girls have planned for him, but it can't be anything good."

"Overruled."

"What?" she asked, surprised. "Why? This is the perfect opportunity to find out more about the Grimm girls – they just started appearing recently, and we still don't know what they even are. Forgive me if I sound surprised, but I wouldn't expect you to ever give up a chance to get one over on Salem. What changed?"

"It's simple, Glynda," Ozpin said. "Getting Mister Arc is exactly what she'll be expecting us to do."

"So your plan is to just let the Grimm girls have a student?!"

"I told you, he's an Arc. He'll be fine."

Glynda stared at him for a moment before sighing heavily, then crossing her arms. "One of these days, I'm going to get sick of cleaning up your messes, old man."

"Yes, but that day is not today," Ozpin replied. "Now, do me a favor and switch the screen back to Miss Xiao Long. I find her method of dealing with Grimm to be extraordinarily entertaining and wish to watch her some more."

"The remote is right next to your-"

"Switch. The. Screen."

Glynda rolled her eyes, but did as she was told. Ozpin had to suppress a grin. It was good to be the headmaster.

Still, part of him had to admit that Glynda had a point about Jaune – Ozpin was sure he'd be fine and all – after all, Arc men had to be made of sterner stuff, since they dealt with Arc women all the time – but he couldn't help but shudder when imagining some of the unholy horrors that the Grimm girls would inflict upon him until he inevitably awoke his dormant amazing semblance through some contrived asspull of a method, same as everyone else on Remnant.

---

Jaune pressed himself back against the wall, his sword held in a white-knuckled grip and his shield raised to defend himself. His chest was heaving, every breath coming out ragged with fear. He couldn't help it – he had been carried away so easily, after all. The Grimm hadn't even tried to fight him – instead, it had just picked him up and carried him off, all while Pyrrha screamed after him in the background.

Just a few minutes ago, that would have felt incredibly odd to say. But now that he got a look at his captor, it was just the tip of the iceberg.

The Grimm in front of him tilted her head, confused. And yes, it was a 'her' – the fact that she was wearing just the loosest of loose rags around her chest and groin were proof enough of that.

Why do Grimm even need breasts? He couldn't help but think to himself.

The Grimm suddenly stiffened in front of him. He tensed, preparing for a fight, but was surprised when she simply brought her hands up – the same hands that were covered in razor-sharp claws – to cover her modesty instead.

And as if that wasn't enough, behind her bone mask, she started to talk.

"...A bit early for that, don't you think?" she asked.

Jaune's eyes widened in surprise. "I'm sorry, did you just talk?"

"Yes? Why wouldn't I be able to talk?"

"Because you're a Grimm."

"I'm a Grimm girl, stupid," she said, the wolf ears on top of her head flattening in annoyance. "Not that I'd expect a human to understand."

"What are you talking about?" Jaune couldn't help but ask. "Don't say that like being human is a bad thing."

"But it is. You all try to hunt and kill us."

"Lady, have you taken a look outside recently? We're kind of collectively fighting for our lives, here."

"Against other Grimm, sure," she pointed out. "I've never attacked anyone… who didn't deserve it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She waved him off. "Look, all I know is that I just wanted to play, so I went and got you."

"...Okay, how old are you?" Jaune asked. "Because you look like an adult woman to me."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're a little old to be playing, don't you think?"

"No."

Jaune opened his mouth to respond, but couldn't think of a suitable response. Still, he couldn't help but relax slightly – this girl, whoever she was, seemed harmless enough… if he ignored the fact that she was able to sprint through all of Pyrrha's attacks and carry him off without getting a scratch.

"Okay, sure," he conceded. "You just wanted to play. Why did you have to get me for that?"

"Because my sisters are no fun," she said with a pout. "None of them ever want to play."

"Sisters?"

"Hey, sis!" came a voice from the cave's entrance. "We're back."

Jaune felt a chill go down his spine. He turned towards the voice, and just about shit his pants when he saw five other girls similar to the one in front of him come into view. Similar as they were, there were still some major differences.

The one that most stood out to him at first was the girl who seemed to be based off a Nevermore. Like her sisters, her body was covered in black skin, leading up to a bone mask that covered her face, leaving just her crimson eyes visible. The most striking feature he could find on her had to be her wings, though – instead of two arms, she had two large, feathered wings sticking out of her torso, like a harpy out of the fantasy books he used to read when he was a kid, only a lot more twisted. She also had a set of talons instead of legs, like a bird of prey would have. That was where the bestial features ended, however – like the Beowolf girl who had first dragged him here, she was still more similar to a normal human than he'd like to admit.

And no, he wasn't just saying that because, like the rest of her sisters, she was wearing little more than scraps of torn clothing to cover her modesty. And unlike some of her sisters, the Nevermore girl kept her hair cropped down to the base of her neck, meaning she didn't even have that to keep her covered.

Jaune's gaze was drawn to the next girl, who would have passed for normal if it weren't for the giant scorpion stinger sticking out of the base of her spine. Even now, he could see a drop of venom glistening on its tip. Looking a bit closer, he could also see a thin layer of black chitin covering her arms and legs, though it was hard to see given it was the same inky black as her skin, and was only visible at a closer look due to how the limited light spilling in from the cave entrance reflected off it. This girl was clearly based off a Death Stalker, which made sense to him given that she was easily the biggest of the six sisters.

Next up was the Ursa girl, who was the second biggest behind the Death Stalker. She was also one of the more normal-looking ones, similar to the Beowolf girl – aside from some oversized, claw-tipped paws replacing her hands and feet, plus a pair of bear ears on top of her head, there wasn't much to report… well, aside from her unnaturally fit build, which could put even Pyrrha to shame. Pyrrha was fit, to be sure, but this girl was ripped. Jaune was ashamed to find himself wondering if her abs were hard enough to grind meat on.

The Boarbatusk girl came after her, clearly identifiable by being the second smallest among the sisters, and by the tusks that sprouted out of her bone mask. Just looking at her, Jaune could tell that she was wilder than the other girls – her hair was long and unkempt, and he didn't just mean the hair on top of her head, either. Still, he could tell that she was no slouch when it came to fighting, either – she was almost as well-muscled as the Ursa girl, though it came in a much smaller package.

Finally, there was the last and most normal of the sisters. Bone mask and black skin aside, she could have easily passed as a normal girl – she wasn't outwardly monstrous like her sisters were. In fact, for the most part, she just looked like a normal girl, albeit one who had been dunked in a vat of Grimm juice, or whatever the hell Grimm were made out of. She was also very clearly the quiet, shy one – she kept her head down, which meant her long hair almost completely covered her face, leaving just a bit of her bone mask and one single red eye exposed to the world. She was the smallest of the sisters, coming in at about Nora's height. She was also the only one to buck the trend of being almost naked – as opposed to the scraps her sisters wore, she was dressed in a flowing black dress that almost reached the floor… and probably would have, if it weren't for the fact that she was floating a few inches off the ground. Jaune wasn't really sure what kind of Grimm she was based off of, but he knew that he didn't want to find out.

Unfortunately, in the time it took for him to get a basic read on each of the sisters, they had all noticed him, and were now staring at him.

"...Hey, Artemis?" the Nevermore girl asked. "Who is this?"

The Beowolf girl – Artemis – frowned. "He's a human I brought here to play with me."

"Yes, I think we guessed that much," the Death Stalker girl said. "What we wanted to know is why you did it in the first place."

"Because none of you ever want to play with me!" Artemis scowled, then crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why are you like this?" the Ursa girl questioned. "Actually, wait, I know why – it's because Mom screwed up during your creation, and somehow a bit of dog got mixed in with your Beowolf."

"I'm still curious as to how that even happened in the first place, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm probably better off not knowing," the Nevermore said.

"Well, she made six of us," the Boarbatusk mentioned. "Obviously, at least one of us was bound to come out a bit messed-up. Unfortunately, it had to be Artemis."

"What's so unfortunate about that?" the Death Stalker asked, confused. "I mean, it could be way worse."

"How could it possibly be worse?" the Nevermore said. "Look at her. She brought a human here to play with her, like a common housepet. That's embarrassing for all of us. She gives the Grimm a bad name."

"You know, this is nice and all, but maybe we ought to be focused on what's actually important," the Ursa pointed out.

"What would that be?" the Boarbatusk asked.

The Ursa girl wordlessly pointed a claw at Jaune, who tensed and clutched his sword and shield a bit tighter. All of the Grimm girls turned towards him and stared.

"Yes, that is a problem," the Nevermore conceded. "Alright, I'm open to suggestions. What are we doing with him?"

"Keeping a human around makes us look like sorry excuses for Grimm," the Boarbatusk girl said. "I say we get rid of him."

"Hold on," the Ursa said. "Normally, I'm all in favor of killing people who antagonize us… but honestly, he hasn't really done anything bad towards us." She brought a claw up to her chin as she thought to herself. "Hm… honestly, I don't think he's worth killing. I mean, look at him – he's built like a noodle. There's no sport in that."

"Mom would want us to kill him, you know," the Death Stalker reminded her.

"Oh, good point," the Nevermore said with a nod. "Okay, all in favor of keeping him around?"

She raised a wing, and to Jaune's surprise, everyone else also raised their various appendages. After a moment, they all lowered them.

"It's settled, then," the Nevermore declared. "This particular human gets to live."

"H-hold on!" Jaune couldn't help but blurt out. "I mean, not that I'm unhappy about not dying and all, but… what?!"

"Oh, don't act so surprised, human," the Boarbatusk said, rolling her eyes. "We're only doing this to piss off Mom."

"Mom? You have a mother?"

"Of course," Artemis said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Everyone has a mother. Even Grimm girls, like us."

"Not that she's a good mother, mind you," the Death Stalker girl said, her stinger coiling around her waist as she relaxed a bit. "She kind of made us and then just pushed us out into the big, bad world, then told us to do evil things and kill a lot of people."

"And… I'm guessing you chose not to?" Jaune asked, hopeful.

"Well, she did create us as teenagers," the Nevermore explained. "Sure, we're Grimm girls, but the key word there is girls. As in, teenage girls. It's only natural that we'd have a big rebellious streak and try to piss our mom off in some way."

For the first time since he had entered this cave, someone had said something that actually made sense to Jaune. They really didn't have to explain more than that – growing up with seven sisters had taught him all he needed to know about teenage girls and rebellion.

"Alright, well, we can't kill him," Artemis declared. "So, what do we do with him?"

"I have a suggestion," Jaune offered. "Why not let me go? I'm sure that'd really piss your mother off, if she hates humanity and loves Grimm so much. What better way to spit in her face with your teenage angst than to go against your own natures and willingly let me walk out of here, completely unhurt?"

"That is a good point," the Death Stalker conceded. "However, there's one big thing you're missing – we're teenagers, and therefore full of nonstop, infinite amounts of hatred for our so-called mother, but but we're also full of nonstop, infinite amounts of boredom."

"Nothing interesting happens in this forest," the Boarbatusk girl lamented. "Sure, occasionally some idiot human runs into here, and we get to have fun killing them for a bit, but the fun always wears off too quick. We need some real excitement."

"...Suggestion..." the small girl said, taking everyone by surprise.

"Whoa," the Ursa breathed. "Dahlia just spoke. That's… pretty unheard of."

"Is she mute or something?" Jaune couldn't help but ask.

"No, she's just part Geist," the Ursa explained, as if that actually answered his question instead of raising so many others.

"Alright, Dahlia," Artemis asked. "What's your suggestion?"

The Geist girl – Dahlia – shuffled a bit, clearly uncomfortable with all the attention suddenly on her. She lowered her head, embarrassed; Jaune could tell that behind her mask, she was blushing heavily. She mumbled something he didn't catch, but which made all of the other girls stiffen in surprise.

"...Say again?" the Boarbatusk asked. "Because it sounded like she just suggested-"

"She did," the Nevermore confirmed. "And… well, my first thought is revulsion. I mean, with a human? It's so… just, utterly wrong."

"But then again, who else is there for us?" the Death Stalker pondered. "Because every other human we've met so far either tries to run away or kill us on sight. The only one who seems to actually like us is Uncle Tyrian, and he's creepy even by our standards." She shuddered slightly. "Bleh. If only we were more monster than girl – maybe then we wouldn't have these urges."

"Urges?" Jaune asked, a sense of horror mounting within him, though his question predictably went completely ignored. Seriously, his statements were falling on deaf ears so hard that it was like being back home again.

"Ah, hell," the Ursa suddenly declared. "I'll try anything once, I suppose. Plus, look on the bright side – if he ends up not being so good, we can always just kill him."

They all nodded in agreement, and then, having apparently made up their minds, turned towards Jaune, predatory grins crossing their faces. They all began to step towards him, and he raised his weapons defensively.

"W-what's this?" he asked. "Stay back, all of you!"

But it was no use. They pounced, and then his life was changed forever.

---

"Now, I'm sure you're all more than a little torn up about what happened to Mister Arc," Ozpin spoke into the microphone. "But look at it this way – these kinds of things are going to happen when you partake in the life of a Huntsman. We should look at this as a learning experience, more than anything."

"What kind of learning experience would that be?" Nora questioned. "The dude got carried away by a scantily-clad Beowolf girl while screaming like a baby. What are we supposed to learn from that?"

"To always go out with dignity, and that bitches be tripping no matter what species they are," Ozpin declared.

A small murmur of agreement went up through the crowd. Pyrrha, exasperated, finally had enough and abruptly rose to her feet.

"How can you say things like that?!" she demanded. "Jaune is still out there! We have to find him!"

"Now, Miss Nikos, I know he was your partner and all, but these outbursts are uncalled for." Ozpin held up a chocolate bar. "Have a Schneekers. You're not you when you're hungry."

Pyrrha opened her mouth to scream at him, but she never got that far. The door to the auditorium suddenly came flying open, and a large cry of surprise went up through the crowd… and not just because Jaune was there.

No, that had more to do with the fact that he was garbed in little more than a pair of barely-together boxer shorts, and that six monstrous women were trailing him, all of them looking very satisfied.

Pyrrha watched in amazement as Jaune and the girls waded through the crowd, approaching the stage. He made it there with a surprising amount of effort, his legs shaking with every step, though the dopey, lovestruck grin on his face made it clear that he didn't care. He climbed up on stage and pushed Ozpin out of the way, then grabbed the mic.

"Yeah, thanks for leaving me, everyone," Jaune said. "And I do mean that, by the way – no sarcasm there. Fucking thank you. Like, from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea."

He turned to Ozpin. "Is the team naming ceremony still happening?"

"No, this is your eulogy," Ozpin stated. "Though clearly, reports of your demise were greatly exaggerated."

"What does that mean?"

"Glynda owes me twenty lien and an apology for making me give this speech. But that's neither here nor there. No, the important part is that you're here now, and you apparently brought an entourage."

Ozpin's gaze slid over to the six girls behind Jaune, all of whom except Dahlia had lost whatever scraps of clothing they'd had on when they first entered the cave, and were now standing there naked and covered in various fluids. "Should I be concerned?"

"Not really, they're harmless," Jaune assured him.

Just then, a dot from a laser sight on a student's weapon landed on the Nevermore girl's bare chest. She barely even looked the boy's way before firing a feather out into the crowd. There was a loud cry of pain, and then the dot was off her chest.

"Mostly harmless," Jaune amended.

Ozpin thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Eh, whatever. I suppose there are bound to be crazy shenanigans in every new group of students. This one is little more than par for the course, and frankly, it's still tamer than what Team STRQ got up to. Welcome to Beacon, Jaune and Grimm girls."

Jaune wasn't surprised when not a single person in the crowd cheered, but he didn't care. He was too busy trying to stay upright as his entourage bowled him over in an attempt to kiss him all at once.

Somehow, he could tell that it was going to be a long four years.

---

Predictably, it didn't take long for things to go horribly wrong.

"Alright," Yang began. "I'm willing to accept that this is a thing, but I wish it wasn't."

"What's the problem?" Jaune asked.

"Well, first you're bringing in Grimm girls to be your harem or something, but then it turns out that they're actually really fucking tough, and that's just bullshit."

Her statement was punctuated by a nasty hit from Artemis that sent Cardin Winchester flying out of the arena and into the stands, screaming like a girl the entire time. He landed in a heap among a bunch of desks, all while Glynda looked on, bored out of her mind.

"The winner is Miss Artemis," she said, completely nonplussed. "I'd go into how you could improve, but honestly, there was nothing you could do. She's just better than you. It's like putting Miss Nikos up against a four-year-old."

"This is bullshit!" Cardin said as he rose to his feet. "How come Arc gets a team of six hot monster girls, plus three hot regular girls?!"

"I'm not a girl," Ren said, mildly offended.

"I know what I said. The dick wants what the dick wants."

"Well, if you feel so strongly about it, you're free to do something to try and break up the team," Glynda said, putting a hand on her hip. "I'm not going to do anything about it – I don't get paid enough to deal with shenanigans like that, and I also like my eyes not being gouged out."

"Look on the bright side, Cardin," Ruby chimed in. "At least they're not evil."

"You kidding?" Sky asked. "Those girls intercept the steak shipments the cafeteria gets as soon as they come in. There's never anything left for the rest of us after they're done with it. If that's not pure evil, I don't know what is."

Jaune listened to his classmates argue amongst themselves, only to feel someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned, and was met with a pair of blazing red eyes. Thankfully, he had learned not to recoil instinctively from them at this point – both because he had gotten to know these girls intimately enough that their more monstrous sides didn't bother him much anymore, and because he knew they'd take his averting his eyes as a sign of weakness and pounce. And as nice as the sex could be, he'd prefer not to be jumped in the middle of class.

Unfortunately, given the look that Artemis was giving him, that was still a distinct possibility.

"I won," Artemis declared. "Pet me."

Weiss looked offended. "Gross! Do that back in your dorm room or something!"

"It's not that kind of petting," Jaune insisted as Artemis settled into his lap. He brought a hand up and rubbed her between her ears. Artemis closed her eyes and let out a content sigh as her tail gently swished behind her.

"Huh," Blake acknowledged. "You know, for Grimm girls, they can actually be pretty cute."

"Congrats, bro," Nora said. "I think you've just gotten Blake into monster girls."

"Good," Jaune retorted. "Monster girls are one of the most patrician fetishes someone could possibly have."

"What makes monster girls so good, if you don't mind me asking?" Ren questioned. "Because to me, they just look like Faunus with extra steps."

"Because, unlike real girls, the monster is on the outside instead of the other way around," Jaune said.

Yang whistled appreciatively. "Damn, bro. That's surprisingly deep, coming from you."

"Thanks, that'll be very comforting to me when the girls are taking turns collectively grinding my pelvis into bone dust later," Jaune said.

The bell rang, and the others rose to their feet. Jaune tried to follow after them, but the oversized Beowolf girl in his lap made that impossible.

"Uh, Artemis?" he asked. "Do you mind? The bell rang."

"So?" she asked. "I'm comfortable. Keep petting me."

Well then, it was time for his ace in the hole.

"Hey, Artemis," Jaune said, getting her attention. "Look."

She looked back at him and her eyes widened when she saw the tennis ball he had pulled out of his pocket. Immediately, her attention was fully on it. She watched with interest as he slowly moved it back and forth.

"Okay..." he said. "Go get it!"

He threw the tennis ball at the arena, and predictably, Artemis took off after it, bowling over every desk in her way as she did so. She came back holding the ball in her hands, then dropped it at his feet and leaned down for him to scratch her behind the ears, which he did.

"You know, you really are the easiest out of all of you to manage," Jaune couldn't help but muse, though he regretted it as soon as the words came out of his mouth.
After all, he really should have known better than to tempt fate.

---

A loud crash erupted from the room, causing Jaune to wince. He wasn't sure what had just been broken, but it sounded expensive.

"Fuck me..." he breathed.

"No, we're doing that later this week," came a voice from beside him.

Jaune sighed. "You don't have to remind me, Muninn. I know Wednesdays are your nights."

Next to him, the Nevermore girl tilted her head quizzically. "What seems to be the problem, anyway? Why is Artemis acting so… well, you know."

"Shouldn't you know that? You're her sister."

Muninn shrugged as best as her wings would allow her. "To be honest, I tend not to focus too much on my sisters. None of them are particularly bright, if you couldn't already tell. That tends to frustrate me. And you know what happens when Grimm girls get frustrated."

"I can guess," he said dryly.

"In our defense, those first twelve settlements had it coming," Muninn insisted.

"Okay, elaborate on that."

"No."

And that was the end of that topic. If there was one thing Jaune had learned about Muninn, it was that while she was the smartest of her sisters, she could also be the most hardheaded, too. Plus, she enjoyed causing mischief a bit too much. She honestly reminded him of Yang quite a bit.

Which was saying something, because her and Yang hated each other.

"Muninn," came an all-too-familiar growl from across the hall.

Speak of the devil.

"Yang, could you not right now?" Jaune begged. "Artemis is already destroying my room for reasons that still aren't clear to me."

"I don't think she needs a reason," Muninn offered. "Again, she's got a bit too much dog in her. That's probably why she likes it doggy-style the most out of all of us. But you already know that."

"Yes, thank you for oh-so-helpfully bringing that up." Jaune shook his head. "Look, Yang, it's been a long… day? Week? Life? Yeah, it's been a long life. Can we not do this tonight?"

"Do what, Jaune?" Yang asked. "You're acting like I'm about to start something. Which I'm not."

"Indeed," Muninn agreed. "After how Combat Class went the last time Goodwitch put us up against each other, that would be very unwise of you."

Yang's eyes narrowed. "Big talk coming from an oversized chicken."

"Big talk coming from a girl with no mom." Yang's eye twitched, and Muninn crossed her arms. "Ooh, didn't think we knew about that, did you? Our mother tells us stuff, too."

"Your mother hates you," Yang snapped.

"Trust me, the feeling is mutual. I'm sure you understand."

"Alright!" Jaune said. "That's it! We are not doing this tonight! We're doing… something else, obviously! Definitely not this!" He raised a fist and pounded on the door to his dorm room. "Artemis, get the fuck out here! We're, uh, going… to the…" He wracked his brain, looking for something to do together that wouldn't result it mass death, and eventually found something. "...Cafeteria."

Immediately, the door came flying open, revealing Artemis standing there expectantly. "Ooh, are we?" she asked, excited. "Is it steak night already?"

"I'm sure we'll find something," Jaune hurriedly said. "Go get your sisters, would you?"

She nodded, then took off running. Jaune watched her go, praying the whole time that she was patient enough to wait for cafeteria food instead of trying to eat one of the Faunus students again.

---

Luckily for Jaune, it seemed as though all of his girls had been able to wait until they got to the cafeteria this time, which was great because it meant that Glynda didn't have to go levitate Blake out of a tree again. Unfortunately, it was pizza night instead of steak night… which was proving to not be nearly as much of a problem as he thought it was.

"This is amazing!" Muninn exclaimed through a mouthful of pizza. "What's it called, again?"

"It's called pizza," Jaune answered.

"Wow… maybe humans aren't all bad, after all."

Well, that was reassuring.

"It certainly tastes better than humans do," Kuma – the Ursa – chimed in.

And just like that, it was gone. Jaune slowly lowered his slice of pepperoni pizza down to his plate, where it sat for just a second before Vara, the Boarbatusk girl, snatched it up and crammed the entire slice into her mouth.

There was a tap on his shoulder. Jaune turned to find Dahlia standing there, nibbling on a slice of cheese pizza.

"...Kuma joking," she muttered. "Don't eat people..." Jaune just stared at her, and she squirmed, uncomfortable. "...Anymore..."

"Hey, that was a long time ago!" Kuma protested. "Besides, what was I supposed to do?! Mercury's legs just looked soooo tasty!"

Weiss choked on her sip of water.

"Well, this conversation has officially taken a turn for the worse," Jaune stated. "Let's change the subject, shall we? What did everyone think of that test in Oobleck's class?"

"It… wasn't that bad," Ruby offered. Poor thing – she was clearly trying her best to focus on the conversation at hand, but seeing six Grimm girls utterly annihilate an entire delivery van's worth of extra large pizzas was unnerving her to the highest degree.

"I agree," Blake ventured with a nod. "It was mostly review, at least. Although I'll admit that it being on the Faunus Rights Revolution probably made it more than a little biased in my favor."

"What's up with that, anyway?" the Death Stalker girl interjected. "The Faunus Rights Revolution, I mean."

"I'm not sure I understand," Ren offered. "What's confusing about it?"

"Only everything," came the response. "For example, why bother with the pleasantries? Everyone knows combat is all about crushing your enemies into dust."

"I mean, plenty of that went on during the war, Ihsa," Jaune said. "War's not exactly fun and games."

"Especially not when the Grimm swoop in and eat what's left," Weiss added. Everyone stared at her, and she rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. You were all thinking it, and it's not like they care, anyway. Hell, they probably enjoy the fact that I just brought up that they eat people."

"You know, eating people is actually pretty overrated," Vara said. "You all taste disgusting, for the most part. Anyone saying you taste like chicken is a liar."

"I'm afraid to ask how you know that," Ruby said, shivering.

"Just be happy they're fixated on human food at the moment instead of literal human food," Yang replied. "Though how long that will last, I have no idea. Hopefully not that long, because then I'll have a blank check to start dusting them all."

"Behave yourself," Jaune chastised, earning a glare from her. He turned back to Ihsa. "To answer your question, it was decided many years ago that even war needed to have some rules attached, because it turns out that without rules, people tend to devolve into animals."

"I resent that remark," Blake interrupted. "And not because I'm part animal myself. I just feel a more appropriate comparison is needed here – specifically, I think it's far more accurate to say that without rules, we are little more than cavemen eating mud."

"We return to monkey, basically," Nora agreed. "No offense to Sun."

"You people are weird," Muninn said, shaking her head. "I don't understand your morality system at all. Might ought to make right, if you ask me. The Faunus won their revolution, so they ought to have crushed all of you like the superior species they are."

"Huh," Blake acknowledged. "That's a new one. Usually we're the ones getting called the inferior species."

"Why?" Kuma questioned. "You have better senses than everyone at the table besides us sisters. If anything, you ought to be the ones in charge."

"Okay," Jaune said, rising to his feet. "That's enough talk about the race war for one night. Speaking of nights, who's night was it?"

"Mine, I think," Ihsa said.

"I apologize in advance for my poor timing on this, but I can hear the desperation to end this conversation in your voice," Pyrrha said. "It's quite unlike you. Usually you're the one stumbling into awkward conversations, not ending them."

"Let me just stop you there," Yang began. "Girl, you need to move on. He's got six Grimm girls clamoring for a piece of his dick. Now, you're great and all, but there's only one of you. You don't have a snowball's chance in hell."

"It's honestly not even that," Jaune admitted. "Pyrrha, you're great and all, but… well… there's no easy way to say this… but I've seen you in the showers, and you really need to shave down there. It's just unhygienic at this point. Seriously, it's like Jumanji down there."

Pyrrha scowled at him. "Well, alright, then. I'll just have to chase after someone else who can actually appreciate a little bush."

"Which won't be nearly as hard as it ought to be," Nora interjected. "There's some real degenerates out there."

"Can you all shut the fuck up?" Ihsa all but demanded. "I'm trying to get some."

Pyrrha waved her off. "Oh, do go on. The rest of us will sit here and try to tard wrangle your sisters."

"Oh, come on, they're not that bad."

Ihsa's statement was punctuated by Artemis vaulting over a nearby table to catch an entire slice of pizza that Ren had thrown her. Everyone turned to stare at him, and he just stared back.

"What?" he asked. "Did you all not realize she had her head in my lap and was giving me the puppy dog eyes for my pizza?"

"Well, you didn't have to actually give it to her," Yang pointed out. "Now she'll never stop begging."

"Sure, she's part Grimm, but she's also part dog. And who can say no to a begging dog?"

"Jaune can, but only because he's got her on a tight leash," Muninn said. "Literally, sometimes."

"Is this not weird to anyone else?" Ruby questioned. "Because it's weird to me."

"You get used to it," Blake said with a shrug.

"Well, if you're all good to handle these five, I'm gonna go now," Jaune said.

Blake waved him off. "Have fun nailing your monstrous scorpion-girl Grimm fuckbuddy, Jaune. Try not to get stung too many times."

His excitement faded. "I'm sorry, what?"

Unfortunately for him, Blake didn't elaborate, and he didn't get a chance to ask anything more before Ihsa picked him up, tucked him under her arm, and carried him back to the room.

---

One thing that Jaune had learned about his new girlfriends was that despite their admittedly monstrous appearances, they could be sweet and cute when they wanted to be. Such as right now, when him and Ihsa were sitting on his bed, kissing each other.

Sure, it felt weird to be kissing her bone mask, but he was used to it by now… even if he did have an overwhelming urge to make an 'Alas, poor Yorick' joke whenever it happened. The only thing keeping him from doing that was the fact that they for sure would make him sleep in Artemis' doghouse if he did it.
Yes, I just made a Shakespeare reference in this high-effort shitpost. Be honest – none of you expected that one. Even I'm surprised by it. What's next, a Bible reference?

After a few seconds, Jaune broke the kiss, pulling away slowly as she gently pushed him down onto the bed with one hand. As he came to a rest on the covers, she straddled him, giving him a sultry look as she began to pull off her Beacon uniform. In a matter of moments, she was naked, and rubbing up against him as he began to undress.

"Gods, you're cute..." Jaune muttered as she buried her face in the nape of his neck.

"Shut up and fuck me," she replied.

"Someone's eager."

"Can you blame me? It's my night tonight. I won't get you for another week. That, and I like knowing that if my mother could see me now, she'd hate me."

"Let's save the mother talk for some other time, yeah?" Jaune requested.

Ihsa rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever you say."

Jaune finished pulling his boxers off, and Ihsa was upon him again, peppering him with a few quick kisses before they got right to the meat of it. In no time at all, the real show had begun, the two of them falling into each other's arms, small moans escaping both of them as they kissed.

Unfortunately, it ended almost as soon as it had started. And the end came in the form of a sharp pain in Jaune's side.

"Ow!" Jaune exclaimed, breaking the kiss he had been sharing with Ihsa. "What the fuck was that?"

"What?" Ihsa asked.

"That. Something just poked me."

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"Yes, which is why I'm confused. What the fuck just happened?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Jaune frowned. "...Fine. Let's just get back to it."

Ihsa nodded, and Jaune did his best to push it out of his mind as Ihsa came in for another kiss, and their hips started moving again. And after a few thrusts, he was really feeling it again.

And then, as soon as it came, it happened again.

"Ow!" Jaune shouted. "Okay, what the fuck?!"

"Oh," Ihsa acknowledged. "I see."

"What, you see? What does that mean?"

"This requires a bit of an explanation, I think," she began.

Jaune scowled at her. "Oh, do tell."

"Well, you know I'm part scorpion, right?"

"Okay, stop," Jaune interrupted. "Ihsa, seriously, if this is the part where you reveal that you're just as bad as Artemis when it comes to being animalistic, and that it's responsible for you liking weird shit in bed, I'm going to McFucking lose it."

"Oh no, it's not that bad," she assured him.

Jaune breathed a small sigh of relief at that. "Oh, that's good. For a moment there, I was afraid that-"

"Unlike Artemis, I don't like the weird shit I do in bed. I just do it because it's instinctive."

"And it's gone," Jaune lamented. "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what weird shit are you talking about, exactly?"

"Sexual stinging," Ihsa explained.

Jaune just stared at her, and she brought a hand up to rub at the back of her head, embarrassed. "Well, scorpions will often sting their partners during coitus. It's a dry sting, of course – no venom is used – but still, it's a sting nonetheless. Nobody quite knows why they do it; I tend to file it under arachnids in general being the assholes of the animal kingdom. Except for crabs, because crabs are animals that seem like they should be really creepy, but in reality they just take some of the biggest Ls out of the entire animal kingdom. And yeah, I know crabs aren't technically arachnids, but they look like giant underwater spiders, so fuck it, I'm going to count them as-"

"Shut the fuck up, Ihsa," Jaune said with a sigh. "Please, please shut the fuck up."

Ihsa obliged him, thankfully, which was good – the last thing he wanted was for her to ramble on about spiders while he was still balls-deep inside of her. Jaune let out another sigh.

"Well, this is a problem," he said. "Because now every thrust is going to bring a special kind of fear with it, knowing that you're going to sting me for no reason."

"It doesn't have to be that way, you know," Ihsa said. "Maybe there's a way around it."

"Like what?"

Ihsa thought for a moment, then seemed to shrink in on herself. Jaune raised an eyebrow, and her shoulders heaved with a silent sigh of resignation.

"...Okay, I've got something, but it's embarrassing," she admitted.

"How so?"

"Well, I'm a Grimm. That means I'm technically supposed to be an apex predator, which is a fancy way of saying that I ought to be on top at all times."

"Artemis doesn't seem to think that way."

"Because Artemis is weird, even by our standards. You could put a leash on her and walk her around campus and she'd probably enjoy it, because she's absolutely fucked in the head. She basically suffered the Grimm equivalent of being dropped on her head when she was a baby. That's not the point – the point is that you can't compare me to Artemis, because unlike Artemis, I do not enjoy being the sub."

"You've never tried being the sub before," Jaune pointed out.

"I don't need to in order to know for a fact that I won't like it."

"Oh, come on. At least give me a solid reason why you aren't interested."

"How about three: One, it's stupid. Two, it sucks. Three, I hate it."

"Tell you what," Jaune offered. "You'll be the sub, whatever that means. If you hate it, we'll finish off the night with you on top, stings included. But only if you hate it. If you like it… well, then I guess it's problem solved."

"Hmph." Ihsa crossed her arms over her chest. "Very well, I suppose I'll play your game."

Somehow, Jaune could tell that he was going to regret this.

---

As it turned out, Jaune did, in fact, regret it, but not for the reasons he expected.

"Ihsa, for the hundredth time," Jaune lamented. "I'd prefer to keep this kind of thing in the bedroom."

Ihsa spit out the ball gag in her mouth. "Why?" she whined. "I've been a bad girl! I need to be punished!"

"Where'd you even get a ball gag, anyway? I don't remember introducing you to hardcore BDSM."

Across the table, Blake buried her head deeper into her book and sank down into her seat, her face flushing red. Somehow, Jaune wasn't surprised.

He sighed, then turned back to Ihsa. "Still, like I said, we're not doing this outside the bedroom, and especially not when it isn't your day."

Ihsa scowled, disappointed. "Hmph. Fine."

Jaune felt a well-muscled arm settle over his shoulders, and had to do his best to avoid shuddering from the sudden touch. No, it wasn't Ihsa's night anymore, but unfortunately, that just made things worse for him.

"Shame, dear sister," Kuma said flippantly. "There's always next week, though."

"Alright, I can see where this is going," Ren announced.

"What do you mean?" Jaune asked, surprised.

"This is the part where Kuma starts sharing her really weird bedroom tastes with us, isn't it? I mean, we already know that Artemis is pretty into petplay and Ihsa is into BDSM… and frankly, that one is still confusing to me. How did you know?"

"Well, it started with Jaune tying my stinger to my torso, because I kept stinging him while we fucked," Ihsa stated. "Turns out that I like to be tied up, so he indulged me. And I've been a real degenerate ever since."

Ren shuddered. "Too much information… the only saving grace here is that I don't need to hear about what got Artemis into petplay, because we all know she was born messed up in the head."

At that exact moment, Artemis returned with a tray full of food and settled into her seat, her new dog collar jingling as she sat down and began to devour her meal. Everyone stared at her in disgust.

"You know, this makes me regret ever disliking Faunus," Weiss acknowledged. "I can see now that I was wrong to think of them as different from humans, because now I know what a really different species looks like. And I don't like it."

"You know, I'm kind of right there with you," Blake admitted. "Sometimes I wish Faunus were a bit more than just some fluffy ears or a tail, but now I can see just how utterly wrong that would be."

Artemis looked up from her food, licking her lips as she did so. She let out an annoyed huff. "Oh, please. From our perspective, you guys are the weird ones."

"I'd rather not be lectured on morality by the giant werewolf girl who eats people, thank you," Pyrrha stated.

"Uh, I think you mean 'The giant werewolf girl who used to eat people.' I haven't done that in awhile."

"I'm not even going to challenge you on that statement, because I know that it ends with you admitting that it's only been a few months since you last ate somebody."

"In our defense, there's not much good food to be found in the forest, Grimm taste disgusting, and that guy totally had it coming," Muninn interjected.

Ren frowned, then turned to Kuma. "Okay, you know what? In the interest of getting away from this topic, I actually am going to inquire about the degenerate shit you're into."

"For real?" Kuma asked, surprised.

"Yes, for real. I'd rather hear about your weird-ass kinks than be reminded of how many people you've all eaten."

"Uh, okay." Kuma cleared her throat. "Well, to tell you the truth, I've learned that I really, really like Forever Fall tree sap-"

"Hey look, Ruby and Nora have a kindred spirit," Yang said.

"No, you don't get it," Jaune interjected. "She really, really, really likes Forever Fall tree sap. Like, it's actually nasty. Do you have any idea how hard cleaning that stuff off of you is? I've had to shave everywhere aside from the top of my head, and even then I've had to cut my hair short."

"Oh, is that why you got that gay banana haircut?" Ruby asked.

Jaune just stared at her. "Thanks," he deadpanned. "Thanks for that." He looked back to Yang. "But yeah, I think that gives you a good idea of what I have to go through."

"Sorry if we don't share in your misery," Nora stated. "It's tough to feel sorry for you when you've got six girls who really like you and are willing to share."

"Why's that so weird to you people?" Vara asked. "Jaune is clearly the Alpha of our pack. That means we must all submit to him."

"...Polyamory bad," Dahlia muttered.

"I mean, I'm not arguing that, but this is different. He's the pack leader. From our point of view, strong people committing to just one partner is weird. How else are you supposed to ensure that strong warriors pass on their genes and breed a generation of more numerous, even stronger offspring?"

"In case you haven't figured it out yet, human and Faunus culture values commitment more than pumping out powerful warriors," Blake pointed out.

"Yeah, that's probably why the Grimm are beating your asses back to the Stone Age," Muninn pointed out. "Seriously, I understand that you're all more into commitment than we are and all that shit, but you're basically going extinct, here. It's just common sense."

"I'd honestly rather be dead than be a cuck, because at least I'd be dying with my dignity intact," Ren said, earning a nod of agreement from all the other humans at the table.

"Well, if that's how you all feel, then I suppose you can't really complain too much about being eaten by a Grimm," Muninn mused. "Anyway, what's say we give the lovebirds some time alone, yeah?"

"You know, ordinarily I'd resent being put on the spot like this, but this conversation has taken a turn for the worse, so fuck it, time for the nookie," Jaune announced. "Take me away from here, Kuma."

"You got it, dude," she said, picking him up and tucking him under her arm. "We'll be in Pyrrha's bunk if you need us."

"Wait, why my bunk?" Pyrrha questioned.

Naturally, she didn't get an answer, as Kuma and Jaune took off back to the room for some of the ol' in-out.

---

"So, enlighten a bit before we get started," Jaune said as he watched Kuma undo her Beacon uniform. "What was that thing with the Forever Fall tree sap about earlier?"

"I'm so glad you asked," Kuma said as she pulled off her skirt, leaving her clad in just her panties. Jaune watched as she stepped over to the nearby closet and threw it open, whereupon an entire stack of jars full of tree sap came spilling out.

Jaune stared at it, then blinked once before looking back at her. "Something tells me I'm not going to like where this is going, because if it was just the usual thing where you lick the sap off my body, then you wouldn't be this coy about it."

"Gee, that easy to tell, huh?" She shook her head. "Look, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that some of this sap is going somewhere it doesn't belong tonight."

"Is it too much to ask for girlfriends with normal kinks?" Jaune lamented. "Of course, I had to get one who's super into petplay, one who really likes BDSM, and one who likes… whatever the hell we're calling this shit with the tree sap."

"You're dating six Grimm girls at once, dude," Kuma pointed out. "Normal was never going to be a thing with us."

"I suppose." Jaune sighed, then leaned down to pick up a bottle of sap. "Alright, I guess we're doing this. Bend over."

"Uh, no," Kuma said. "You've got it the wrong way around."

Needless to say, it was not a fun time for Jaune that night.

---

"Damn, dude," Nora noted as Jaune sat down. "You look like shit."

"Thanks," Jaune muttered. "And before you ask – no, I don't want to talk about it. Trust me, you're all better off not knowing."

"That's kind of a given these days," Ruby said. "Anyway, whose night is it tonight?"

"Dahlia's," Jaune said. He let out a wide yawn. "Honestly, I'm actually kinda looking forward to it. Dahlia tends to be pretty reserved compared to her sisters. I suppose that's to be expected given she's a… remind me again why kind of Grimm she's supposed to be?"

"A Geist, I think," Weiss answered. "Which is strange, because I've never seen her really do anything Geist-like."

"Frankly, I consider that a blessing..." Jaune said. He looked around. "Where is she, anyway? Usually, the girl of the day is bugging me incessantly right now, trying to get into my pants before classes have even started for the day. The fact that she isn't here is cause for concern."

"Hell, the fact that none of them are here is cause for concern," Yang pointed out.

"Eh, not really. Artemis probably tried chasing cars again and the rest had to rein her in a bit. I wouldn't be too concerned; they're all big girls, they can handle themselves. No, I'm more concerned about the girl of the day being absent, because experience has taught me that can only mean something horrible is about to happen."

"Normally, I'd tell you to be a bit more optimistic, but honestly, you're probably right on the money with this one," Pyrrha admitted. "Then again, I might just be biased because my bed was more tree sap than mattress last night. I'm not even going to ask what you two got up to with that much sap, by the way – like you said, I'm probably better off not knowing."

"Hey, you know who else is missing?" Ren asked. "Blake. I noticed that she isn't complaining about Faunus oppression, so I assume that means she's not here at the moment."

"But Yang is here," Weiss pointed out. "I thought Yang and Blake had to constantly be near each other all the time and having little moments together, or else people would get mad."

"Weiss is right," Jaune said. His eyes narrowed. "I sense shenanigans."

As if on cue, the doors to the cafeteria came flying open, and Blake came scuttling in on all fours like a spider. Everyone gave her a wide berth as she rapidly crawled across the floor towards their table, then clawed her way up into her usual seat and sat there, her head hanging down with her hair falling to conceal her face from view.

"Hey, Blake," Ruby said nonchalantly without looking at her. She popped a strawberry into her mouth. "That time of the month already?" she asked as she chewed her berry.

Blake's head sharply whipped around towards her, her neck letting out an audible crack in the process. "Do not test my patience, child," she hissed. "I have neither the time nor inclination for your jokes. Not when there are far more important matters to take care of."

"Hey, I was right," Jaune announced. "There are shenanigans going on right now. Somehow, I can already tell that Dahlia is involved."

"You've got that right," Muninn announced from behind him. The five sisters all stepped up, carrying trays of food, and took a seat at their usual spots. "Dahlia's normally pretty shy and reserved. The only time she lets her true personality shine through is when she's possessing somebody. We don't really know why that is; something about being able to wear a mask, of sorts."

"You know, as creepy as it is, this Blake still feels like an improvement over our usual Blake," Weiss said, staring at Dahlia as she spoke in tongues and read from a book bound with human flesh. "She's less perverted, at least. It feels good, knowing I don't have to worry about having someone take upskirt pictures of me while I'm sleeping. Can we keep her?"

"Do not mistake my possession of your friend for a desire to free you from her degeneracy," Dahlia-in-Blake's-body hissed. "I merely needed a vessel with which to better sate my more mortal desires, and she happened to be the closest living thing to me when I awoke this morning, as everyone else was out of the dorm, and she was masturbating in her shower."

"Oh, come on, Blake!" Yang protested. "Other people have to use that, too!"

"That's funny, coming from the girl who takes a fucking hour every day to do her hair in the morning," Weiss pointed out.

Ruby was surprised. "Hey, Weiss, did you just cuss?"

"Yes, because Yang and her hair obsession pisses me off that much," Weiss said, crossing her arms.

Yang scowled. "Don't diss the hair. Bitches love the hair."

"I am getting a reading from this one's subconscious mind," Dahlia suddenly reported.

"Really?" Nora asked. "What's it saying?"

"Aside from screaming in eternal agony at being locked inside of its own brain, unable to escape of its own accord while its sense of self slowly atrophies away, to be replaced with a bizarre amalgamation of our two minds, thereby creating a being that is of two different essences, yet retains little personality of either? I believe she would like to report that she does, in fact, love Yang's hair."

"Ha!" Yang said, pumping a fist in victory. "Told you guys. I'm totally getting some later."

"Not while Dahlia's possessing her, you're not," Pyrrha pointed out.

Ihsa rubbed her own shoulder. "Yeah, that's how it tends to go. Dahlia's hosts don't really get much of a say in how she chooses to use their bodies while she's possessing them."

"Speaking of which, remember that time the one ultra-skilled Huntsman from Atlas came to kill us, and Dahlia possessed him?" Vara asked.

"Oh, you mean the one where we didn't even have to do anything, she just kept making him hit himself until he died?" Kuma questioned. "How could I forget? That was quality entertainment. I haven't seen something go from funny, to sad, to funny again like that since the Faunus Rights Revolution."

"Ha," Ren said. "It's funny because we can make racist jokes now and Blake can't do anything about it except scream into the endless void that is her own mind."

"Again, I have to ask: can we keep her, Jaune?" Weiss pleaded.

"No," Jaune said firmly. "I get it, Blake can be kind of a pain in the ass, but we need her. Who else will be the token Faunus in this group, if not her?"

"Can't we just recruit Sun for that instead?" Ruby begged. "He's actually fun to be around."

"I mean, he is, but you're all forgetting one important thing," Yang said. "If Blake goes, so does at least half my characterization. I simply wouldn't know what to do with myself if that happened. So we're gonna need to get her back eventually."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," Pyrrha agreed. "Alright, Dahlia. Get out of her."

"...If you all insist," Dahlia acquiesced. "But I shall require a new host with which to sate my more carnal desires. Unfortunately, my usual spectral form does not possess the necessary qualities that would allow for coitus. To put it mildly, picture Jaune attempting to copulate with a sentient cloud of helium and you'd be roughly on the right track."

"Okay, that's all well and good, but can you use smaller words, please?" Nora asked. "Because it's like you're speaking a different language at this point."

"A consequence of my possessing this body, I assure you," Dahlia said. "I tend to take on some of the qualities of my hosts while I'm inside of them. Unfortunately, it seems the quality I got from this one was her penchant for books, which somehow culminated in a rapid-onset case of sesquipedalian loquaciousness."

"Sex-what now?" Yang asked.

Dahlia sighed tiredly. "Blake read book; book have big words. Big words imprint on brain and make speech fancy."

"Ooooh," Yang acknowledged. "Well, why didn't you just say that outright?"

Dahlia scowled, then looked over to Jaune. "I will leave the choice up to you," she offered. "Who do you wish to have carnal relations with tonight?"

"I wasn't aware that I got a choice in that matter," Jaune admitted. "Generally, you girls tend to force yourselves upon me until my orgasms drown out my pleas for mercy."

"Something which I assure you I would very much enjoy doing if my true form allowed it, but unfortunately, my true form is that of a ghost, for the most part," Dahlia said. "I cannot feel pleasure unless I am possessing a host body."

"How do you die, then?" Weiss wondered. "I mean, I assume you can't feel pain, either?"

"I have learned that it is often best not to question these things," Dahlia replied. "But if you must know: there is a certain threshold at which even my spectral form will cease to maintain its integrity. To put that into words that those of you simple mind can actually understand: yes, it is indeed possible to punch me so hard that I die to death."

"Interesting," Pyrrha said, taking notes on a pad of paper as she listened. "And how about bullets? Are they effective?"

Dahlia stared at her, then turned back to Jaune. "I am amending my previous statement. You may select anyone but her."

"Oh, come on!" Pyrrha said.

"I mean, you do it to yourself, you know," Weiss pointed out. "You could try to be less obvious about it."

"But I thought Jaune liked thirsty girls..." Pyrrha lamented.

"I don't, actually," Jaune chimed in. "It's just that the six currently glued to my crotch won't take no for an answer."

"You're Gods-damn right," Vara said with a nod. "Speaking of which, how are you gonna handle Dahlia?"

"Well, I guess I'd better pick someone…?" Jaune ventured. He shook his head. "Man, that feels weird to say… Dahlia, are you sure you can't feel anything outside of a host body?"

"Believe me, I'm aware," Dahlia said.

"Any suggestions?"

"Since you're so old-fashioned, I'd suggest someone who you're not only attracted to, but who also isn't in a relationship, to avoid NTR." Dahlia paused. "And don't pick one of my sisters. That'd be weird."

"Oh, that's what crosses the line for you…?" Jaune muttered. Again, he shook his head. "Well, that raises the question, then – who am I attracted to, who also isn't in a relationship?"

"Goodwitch," Nora said immediately. Everyone turned to stare at her, and she frowned. "What? We were all thinking it. Don't act like you wouldn't do her if you had the chance – that woman is smoking."

"I mean, yeah, but it's also Goodwitch," Yang pointed out. "I don't know if I could do it purely because of that."

"Then who does that leave?" Jaune asked.

All of the Grimm girls shared a glance with each other, then looked back to him. Muninn cleared her throat.

"Well..." she began.

And that was all it took for Jaune to realize that this was probably a bad idea.

---

"Alright, remind me who this is, again?" Jaune asked from his spot on the bed.

"Her name is Cinder Fall," Dahlia answered. "Believe it or not, she's one of Mother's wayward adopted children, basically. I suppose you could say we grew up together."

"And that's not weird to you?"

"No. Truthfully, we all hated her. Somehow, she was an even bigger sociopath than all of us were."

"And I'm about to sleep with her."

"No," Dahlia said, annoyed. "You're sleeping with me. I'm just in her body."

"Sure." Jaune cast a glance over at the very naked Cinder. He had to admit, she did look very good, but this still felt extremely weird.

But then again, everything about these Grimm girls was weird. And while it was weird, he had to admit that it wasn't entirely a deal breaker.

Of course, it also helped that Cinder was blatantly evil.

"Remind me again what's going through her head right now?" he asked.

"Aside from Beacon's destruction?" Dahlia asked. "...Admittedly, she's far more into this than I thought she'd be. I mean, I wasn't going to force her into anything, but still. It turns out that Cinder is much kinkier than I thought she'd be." Dahlia paused, her eyes widening. "...Really, Cinder?" she asked.

"Really, what?" Jaune asked.

"...She's making requests of me," Dahlia confessed. "Nobody has ever done that before."

"Are they bad?"

"No, just… unexpected. Tell me, Jaune – how do you feel about corporal punishment?"

Jaune scowled. "Giving or receiving?"

Dahlia hesitated. "...Giving."

For the first time in several days, a wave of relief passed over him.

---

"Well, you're looking chipper," Ren pointed out as Jaune settled into his seat.

"I can't help it, man," Jaune said, placing his tray down. "For the first time, something actually went right during sex. I'm on top of the world right now."

"Is that why Dahlia is walking funny?" Ruby asked as Dahlia sat down.

"Yes, of course." Jaune cast a glance towards Dahlia. "You're still in Cinder's body," he pointed out.

Dahlia shrugged. "Well, she can't really enact any of her evil plans for as long as she's locked inside of her own head. So I intend to keep her there for the time being."

"That seems borderline cruel and unusual," Blake said, shuddering. "You were only in my body for a few minutes, and that was more than enough."

"Yeah, well, you weren't unambiguously evil," Dahlia replied. "Also, between you and me, I'm getting even with Cinder for bullying me when I was growing up. I figure I'll keep her stuck inside the confines of her own mind for… hmm… another month or so, and then leave her body and turn her over to the police, by which point she will have likely gone insane from the isolation of being locked within her own subconscious for so long."

"Sheesh," Yang commented. "Remind me never to make you mad."

Jaune went to take a bite of his eggs, but never got the chance before Muninn approached him and settled into his lap. He let out a sigh, setting his fork down.

"Hello, Muninn," he stated. "Am I to assume that tonight is your night?"

"That obvious, is it?" she asked. "But yes, it is my night. I want to know what you're going to do about it."

"That depends. Usually I let you all pick what you want."

"No, you don't," Artemis chimed in, standing up in her seat. "We tell you what we're going to be doing, and you go along with it because there's no point to resisting."

"Down, girl," Jaune said. Artemis obliged, settling back into her seat. "Anyway, yeah, I suppose that's how it generally goes. So, what do you want to do?"

Muninn grinned as best as her bone mask would allow. "Surprise me, Jaune," she said, her voice tinged with equal parts sweetness and mischief.

With that, she got up and walked away, and Jaune looked back to his friends, desperate for help.

"Alright," he began. "What do birds usually like?"

"Oh, I know, I know!" Ruby said. "They like booze!"

Yang sighed tiredly. "Ruby, for the hundredth time, Uncle Qrow is not actually a bird, he's just named after one."

"But I saw him turn into a bird at one point!" Ruby whined. "That's totally his semblance!"

"No, it isn't."

"Then what is his semblance, bad luck? That's stupid. How would you even turn bad luck into a semblance? That makes zero sense."

"I hate to interrupt your little sibling rivalry here, but I need a real suggestion," Jaune said.

"How the hell are we supposed to know?" Blake questioned. "She's your girlfriend. You ought to have a better idea than anyone here."

"Normally, you'd be right, but there's six of them," Jaune argued. "Keeping track of one woman is hard enough. I think I've earned a little bit of understanding there."

"This is why harems are garbage," Pyrrha said, folding her arms.

Weiss rolled her arms. "Oh, please. You're just mad that you're not in the harem, too."

"Honestly, Pyrrha, that's for the best," Nora pointed out. "The only thing keeping those girls from tearing each other apart to get to Jaune is the fact that they're all sisters. If they let an outsider in, it'd probably be bad."

"You know, I've got an idea, Jaune," Ren offered.

Jaune perked a bit at that. "Oh, really? Let's hear it."

"Well, the girls like to fight a lot, right? Why don't we kill two birds with one stone by letting her fight to her heart's content against people who, frankly, need an asswhooping?"

Jaune thought for a moment. "Wow, that's… actually a pretty good idea. Thanks, buddy."

Ren shrugged. "Hey, your life is hard enough as it is. The least I can do is make it a bit easier."

"Now, the only question is who to set her loose against," Jaune mused. "Where on Remnant am I going to find a group of incompetent idiots for one of my girlfriends to absolutely demolish with ease? Last I checked, those things weren't exactly a dime a dozen..."

Everyone just stared at him in silence, and that was all it took for Jaune to realize that he had just asked a very stupid question.

---

"Run for your lives, it's one of the Grimm girls!" a White Fang member shouted, before a feather to the head knocked him unconscious.

All around the docks, White Fang members ran to and fro in a panic, searching for cover or some way to try and fight back. It was no use, though – wherever they went, Muninn followed. She launched feathers at them, swooped down to slash at them with her talons, picked them up and dropped them from a great height… it honestly wasn't even a fight.

"Well, at least she's having a good time," Jaune observed as he watched her drop a screaming White Fang member from about ten stories up. The man's aura saved him from becoming a red smear on the ground, but still, that had to hurt.

As if on cue, Muninn swooped down to see him, grinning widely beneath her bone mask. "This is great!" she shouted excitedly. "How did you know that this was exactly what I wanted?"

"Call it a hunch," Jaune said.

A burst of machine gun fire impacted against Muninn's side, and he immediately drew his sword and went to punish the one responsible, but didn't get the chance before Muninn's attention snapped over to the machine gunner in question, who stared in shock before turning and running away. Muninn watched him go for a moment, then turned back to Jaune and sighed contentedly.

"I must say, this really is the life," she said. "Shame we can't do this more often. Unless you have a big list of enemies that you don't mind me going through."

"Well, it's not a huge list by any means, but I'm sure we can come to an arrangement," Jaune offered.

Muninn shivered at that. "Gods, you know just what to say to me… I'm so horny right now. As soon as I'm done clearing out this White Fang cell, I'm going to come back here and fuck your brains out right on this rooftop."

"Can we at least wait until we get back to the dorm?" Jaune asked, hopeful.

"No." She flashed him a grin, then took off again. Jaune watched her go, letting out a sigh in the process.

His back was going to kill him in the morning, but it was all worth it if she was happy.

---

"I know I say this a lot, but you look like shit, man," Nora observed.

"It's my back," Jaune said. He sat down at the table, wincing as he did so. "Muninn was a little eager last night. We didn't really make it back to the dorm room until late."

"So what, did you just do it right there on the rooftop?" Yang asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If I say no, will you stop asking me stupid questions?" Jaune replied.

Weiss rolled her eyes. "I swear, you all have no sense of modesty," she chastised. "I mean, really. I get that you are all horny teenagers, but you don't have to act like horny teenagers all the time."

"Speak for yourself," Vara said as she approached.

"Hey, Vara," Jaune said tiredly. "Tonight's your night, right?"

"It is," she confirmed. She looked him over from head to toe, frowning as she took him in. "Has anyone told you that you look like shit yet?"

"Don't remind me..." Jaune muttered. "You all have a way of draining me, we'll say."

"All of us except me, because I haven't gotten a turn yet," she pointed out. "And honestly, from the way you look now, I think it'd be best if I kept it that way for the time being."

Jaune couldn't help but perk up a bit at that. "...Really? But it's your night."

"Yeah, and I can tell just from looking at you that you'd be like a dead fish in bed," she observed. She shook her head. "Nah, I'll have mercy on you tonight. You can rest up and regain your strength."

Jaune breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, that's good. Thank the Gods-"

"After you've put that pretty little mouth of yours to good use," she said with a smirk.

Jaune's face fell. "What?"

"You heard me," she said. "My sisters all got a turn already, and I hate being last. I can't stand the fact that Artemis got to go first. Well, I might not be the first to take a ride on the Jaune Express, but I will be the first to really give your tongue a workout."

"This seems downright wrong," Blake noted. "And that's coming from me, of all people."

"I know, we're all surprised," Pyrrha said.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, it's also hot as hell… but it's also wrong, you know?" Blake elaborated. "Like, give the man his break for a night, he's earned it so far. The well's gotta be dry by now, if you know what I mean."

"I think we can imagine," Weiss said, sounding more than a little disgusted.

Vara glared at Blake. "Mind your own business, will you? And I am giving him a break – I'm not pinning him down and fucking his brains out like I should be. Instead, I'm just having him eat me out for a couple hours."

"You know, occasionally I think having a girlfriend with no shame would be hot," Ren interjected. "Then I look at Jaune and realize that it would just be complete hell. Out of curiosity, Jaune, do your parents know about this little arrangement?"

Jaune instantly paled… and unfortunately for him, Vara perked up.

"Ooh, that's a great idea, Ren!" Vara said, excited. "Jaune, I want to speak with your parents."

"Please no," Jaune whimpered. "I'm not ready."

"Oh, come on," Yang said, irritated. "It can't be that bad. Actually dating these girls is the worst part of being with them. Introducing them to your parents isn't going to be fun, I'm sure, but how bad could it possibly be?"

"You've never met my parents," Jaune warned. "None of you have, so you don't know what they're like. Dad was always pressuring me to try and get a girlfriend, because he thought it was weird that I'd made it to seventeen and hadn't even been on a date yet. He just didn't get that not all of us guys can be Chad Thundercock like he is. My mom, on the other hand..." He shuddered. "My mom is somehow even worse. Trust me, if how she acted to all my sisters' relationships is any indication, you're all better off not knowing."

"Why is that?" Pyrrha wondered. "Is she overprotective?"

"Worse," Jaune answered. "She's super into it. To give you an idea of just how overly supportive she is – when Saphron first brought a girl home, none of us really knew what to think, because that was the first indication we'd ever gotten that she was a lesbian. So we were all very confused… except for my mom, who immediately stood up and said 'Congrats, Saph! You know, I've always wanted to try sleeping with another woman, but that was before your father came and swept me off my feet. Trust me, once you've gone Arc, you never go back.'"

Everyone shuddered at that, except for Vara, whose eyes lit up.

"I want to talk to her!" Vara said, excited.

"Why?" Jaune asked. "They're both Huntsmen, you know. They're probably going to come down here to try and kill you and your sisters once they've found out the depraved shit you've all had me doing over the past week. And unlike the chumps who usually come to fight you, they could totally just waste all six of you."

"That may be," Vara conceded. "But on the other hand, I've never had a supportive parent figure in my entire life. Mother only ever saw us as tools for her to do with as she pleased, hence why we all decided to cut and run the first chance we got. So the prospect of maybe, just maybe, getting to meet a parent who's actually supportive… well, that's a bit too good to pass up. Even if they'll inevitably try to kill me."

Jaune was stunned. "I don't think-"

"If you let me talk to your parents, I'll skip out on the sex in favor of cuddling with you all night," she offered.

"Would you like to make that call here, or back in the dorm room?" Jaune asked, pulling his scroll out.

Vara shrugged. "Here is fine. My sisters are back in the dorm room, and one Grimm girl is probably enough right now."

"You can't be serious," Weiss deadpanned. "Jaune, are you actually going to do this?"

"Yes," Jaune said bluntly. "Don't believe me? Watch this."

Before any of them could respond, Jaune dialed his mom's scroll number and set it to speaker. It rang exactly once before his mother picked up.

"Jaune?!" she asked, amazed.

"Hey, mom," Jaune said.

"Don't 'hey, mom' me, mister! Do you have any idea how long it's been since you called?! We were all worried sick!"

Jaune winced. Across the table, Ruby stared at him like he was an idiot. "You haven't talked to your parents since getting into Beacon?" she asked.

"...Actually, I haven't talk to my parents since I left home to come to Vale," Jaune confessed.

"Damn," Yang said. "No wonder she's so mad."

"Hold on, is that a girl I hear?" Mama Arc asked.

"Y-yes, mother!" Jaune stammered out. "But it's not what you think, she's not my-"

"Show me. Now."

Reluctantly, Jaune turned the scroll around to face Yang, who blinked in surprise. It lasted for a moment before Mama Arc cleared her throat.

"Hello, dear," she said. "I have an offer for you. How'd you like the ride of your life?"

"Mom!" Jaune said, his face flushing red.

"Yeah, uh, not happening," Yang said, her gaze traveling to Vara, who was fuming with rage. "Not because your son isn't a good guy or anything, but because he's already taken, and I don't want to muscle in on that."

"Ooh," Mama Arc said. "Do tell, hon. I'm asking you because I know Jaune won't."

"Sure, he will," Yang said. "Just tell him to turn the scroll a little to his left, or else."

"Yang!" Jaune protested.

"Don't blame me!" Yang hissed under her breath. "Your mom is scary, dude! I don't want any part of that!"

"Turn your scroll, Jaune," his mom requested. "I want to see my baby boy's first girlfriend."

Jaune flushed red as his friends all laughed at him. With a sigh of resignation, he turned the scroll to face Vara, and immediately a heavy silence settled over the table.

Vara, for her part, didn't seem to realize anything was wrong, instead simply raising a hand in greeting. "Hello, Mrs. Arc."

Again, silence fell over the table until Mama Arc cleared her throat.

"Jaune," she began. "Why is there a talking Grimm sitting at your table?"

"Would you believe me if I said she's my girlfriend wearing a costume?" Jaune asked, hopeful.

"No."

"How about a computer-generated image I'm using for a prank at your expense?"

"No."

"How about a figment of your own deranged imagination, created by your subconscious mind to help cope with the fact that you're worried that your precious baby boy is going to go his whole life without ever knowing the touch of a good woman?"

"No."

"Damn, I tried." He shook his head. "Alright, well, I'll just come out with it. Mom, this is Vara. She is a Boarbatusk Grimm girl. She is also one of my six girlfriends."

Again, there was nothing but silence for a few seconds. Jaune's confidence began to waver, predictably. He felt himself begin to sweat.

"Uh, Mom?" he asked. "You're not saying anything. Usually you only do that when one of us does something incredibly stupid."

"Because this is incredibly stupid," she said bluntly. "Seriously, Jaune, six girls at once? Who are you, Taiyang Xiao Long?"

"I mean, he does kinda look like a younger version of Dad..." Ruby conceded.

Yang shuddered. "Gross, Ruby! Don't put that thought in my head!"

"What are you talking about? If you think that statement was dirty in the slightest, I think that says a lot more about you than me!"

Jaune ignored the two sisters, instead focusing on his mom. "...I can't help but notice that you're not talking about how she's a Grimm," he pointed out.

His mom sighed tiredly. "Honestly, Jaune, you've always had weird tastes in women. Do you remember when you were ten, and you had that one really cute teacher you were crushing on?"

Jaune flushed red. Next to him, he heard Vara crack her knuckles.

"You saying I have competition?" Vara asked.

"No, dear," Mama Arc specified. "This was years ago – that woman is married now."

"Well, you never know," Nora ventured. "That could be just Jaune's type."

"I am not into married women, I can assure you," Jaune promised.

"No, but you are into girls with lots of sisters," Blake pointed out. "The rest of my team had better watch out, because they're next on the-"

"Say one more word and I'll rip your limbs off and eat them with a side of buffalo sauce," Vara threatened.

Blake wisely chose to stop talking. Vara gave her a satisfied look, then turned back to the scroll. "Anyway, Mrs. Arc, you're taking this rather well, all things considered. It really doesn't bother you that I'm a Grimm?"

"Not nearly as much as it should," Mama Arc admitted. "I mean, I figure that if you were truly that dangerous, then Ozpin wouldn't have let you into the school in the first place."

"You'd be surprised," Ren interjected. "Did you know that we're in Team STRQ's old dorm, Jaune? You can still smell the Fire Dust and bourbon from twenty years ago."

"Actually, that's probably why he let her and her sisters in," Mama Arc mused. "Compared to the shenanigans Team STRQ got up to, everything else is kind of trivial."

"Do we want to know?" Weiss asked.

"Probably not. All you need to know is that an average Friday for them involved tons of alcohol, tubs of KY jelly, and several live lobsters."

"I think we can imagine," Pyrrha said, disgusted. "Can we skip to the part where you and your husband decide to come down to Beacon and purge it of the Grimm menace in order to save your son?"

"Why would we want to do that?" Mama Arc asked. "He seems happy."

"Honestly, that could just be the Stockholm Syndrome kicking in," Jaune admitted. "They didn't give me much of a choice, you know."

"You don't seem to mind," Vara pointed out.

"I mean, it's hard to argue with six cute girls who are basically throwing themselves at you," he added. "Especially when they're all monster girls."

"Why does that make it better?" Weiss asked.

Jaune looked at her like she was crazy. "Why wouldn't it make it better? You some kind of shit-taste degenerate who doesn't like monster girls?"

"I don't like girls at all," Weiss deadpanned. "Especially not your girlfriends."

"I mean, to be fair, they are pretty cute," Yang admitted. "Sure, they get on my nerves and they're all monsters, but still. They're cuter than they have any right to be."

"That's where the 'girl' part comes from," Vara said. "You should be thankful that Mother made us more human than monster."

"Yeah, because otherwise you'd all be furries, and then we'd have to feed you all feet-first into a woodchipper," Ren explained. "But thankfully it never came to that. Instead, we have to deal with a completely different kind of insanity every day. But you know what? I'm kind of steadily adjusting to that kind of crap factor. You six are basically Nora on steroids. If nothing else, you keep life at Beacon interesting."

Vara blinked, surprised. "...Wow. I, uh, wasn't expecting that one."

Ren waved her off. "Don't worry about it."

Vara stared at him for a moment, then looked back towards the scroll. "Anyway, it's reassuring to hear that you and Papa Arc won't be heading down here to turn the six of us into fertilizer for daring to defile your only son."

"Hey, someone had to do it at some point," Mama Arc said. "And for a Grimm, you seem to treat him alright – he's not in any distress, I don't see any bruises on him, and his friends aren't freaked out that you're around him."

"You get used to it after awhile, thankfully," Nora explained. "I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to adjust to the image of a Beowolf girl being done doggy-style while wearing a leash and collar, but now I just treat it like the average Friday night I know it is."

"I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear that," Mama Arc said. "Anyway, the point is this: keep treating Jaune okay, and we're golden. Try to kill him or something and then I'm going to fucking dust you. Understand?"

"Very much so," Vara answered with a nod.

Mama Arc seemed pleased with that. She gave Vara a nod, then looked over to Jaune.

"Jaune, be a dear and remember what your father told you all those years ago, when you first started getting interested in girls," she implored.

"Which bit of advice are you talking about, specifically?" Jaune asked.

"All of them. Wrap it before you tap it, mainly – we don't want any part-Grimm, part-girl, part-human babies running around, do we?"

"I don't know, do we?" he asked. "Is that something you'd be okay with? Because that'd be an explanation and a half for the neighbors. 'Hey, my son just married a lawyer. They've got two adorable, normal-looking human daughters. They're so sweet.' 'That's nice. My son just married six Grimm girls. They've got an entire litter of daughters running around, who can totally beat up your daughters if they so desire.'"

"You know, that's actually more tempting than you think," Mama Arc acknowledged. "The Johnsons down the street have been getting pretty uppity about the fact that their son just married a doctor and got her pregnant. Having an entire small army of grandchildren who are capable of completely decimating a squad of soldiers would certainly give me bragging rights in the neighborhood group chat."

"That's not saying much, to be fair," Weiss chimed in. "Atlas' soldiers are the worst of the worst, they're basically all Huntsman Academy rejects. And that's saying a lot, because Jaune cheated his way into the academy and he was still able to make the cut on his own merits eventually. Imagine being worse than Jaune… well, you don't have to imagine, because the entire Atlesian Military is like that."

"Don't rain on my parade, dear," Mama Arc chastised. "Anyway, Jaune, one more bit of advice."

"Oh, yeah?" he asked. "What would that be?"

"On behalf of all women everywhere, I implore you to make sure that she gets off just as well as you do."

Jaune flushed red. "Mom!"

Vara laughed, then put an arm around Jaune's shoulders. "Oh, trust me, ma'am," she said. "He doesn't have a problem with that at all."

Mama Arc nodded, and with that, the call ended. Jaune breathed a sigh of relief that his girlfriends weren't about to be brutally murdered.

His relief lasted about a second, because then Vara leaned in to whisper into his ear.

"You heard the lady," she said. "You've gotta make sure I get off, Jaune."

He didn't even get a chance to scream before she picked him up and ran off with him.

---

"Dude, you look like-"

"I know, Nora," Jaune interrupted. "We do this little song-and-dance every day. I stagger into the cafeteria after a night of intense lovemaking, you tell me I look like shit, and then shenanigans happen. If you don't mind, I'd like to just skip to the shenanigans so we can get this over with."

"I mean, you're well on your way there," Ruby observed. "Since all six of them are with you already. Usually they come in after a few minutes."

"Yeah, well, maybe we just felt like mixing things up today or something, I don't know." Jaune shrugged, then took his seat. "Anyway, let's take bets. What insanity is going to inflict itself upon me today? My guess is on something blowing up."

"My guess is on one of your girlfriends getting pregnant," Yang chimed in.

"My guess is on the entire of Vale going the way of Sodom and Gomorrah," Pyrrha said.

Hey, look at that – I guess it actually was a Bible reference.

Jaune opened his mouth to respond, and was immediately cut off by the wall exploding. He sighed tiredly, then handed five lien over to Ihsa.

"Alright," he said, rising from his seat. "Time to embrace my fate and hope it doesn't kill me."

"It's probably too late for that," Muninn observed. "Seems we've got some new family members."

"Uh, what?"

As the smoke cleared, Jaune watched in awe as it revealed several other Grimm girls. Jaune could see a girl with the lower half of a snake, a girl with wasp wings and a stinger, and finally, a girl with dragon wings instead of arms. All of them looked around, searching for something.

"Is Jaune Arc here?" the dragon girl called. "We're looking for Jaune Arc."

"Alright, let's get this shit over with," Jaune muttered. "Yeah, I'm right here!"

Immediately, all the girls turned towards him. Jaune braced himself for an attack… but it never came. Instead, all three girls launched themselves towards him, and all three immediately wrapped him up in a big hug. He couldn't help but blink in surprise as he felt two sets of wings and a snake tail coil around him.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked. "I thought you were here to kill me."

"Well, that was the plan originally," the dragon girl admitted. "But then we spent some time observing you with our sisters and decided we wanted a piece of that. So here we are."

"Okay, pause," Kuma said. "Clearly, you're all Grimm girls, but I don't recognize any of you. Did Salem just make you or something?"

"A few days ago, yes," the snake girl explained. "We were supposed to come retrieve you all, but Salem didn't count on us deciding to defect in order to get a piece of Jaune."

"You know, it doesn't have to be me," Jaune hurriedly explained. "Not to say that you three aren't absolutely lovely, of course, but I've kinda got my hands full already. Six girls is one thing; nine is quite another. Might I interest you in my friend Ren?"

"Keep me the hell out of this," Ren implored.

"Alright, well, there's plenty of other guys out there," Jaune hastily added.

"But we don't want any other guy," the wasp girl said. "We want you, Jaune. You're the only one we know for a fact will look past our monstrous exteriors and instead look for the girl inside each of us."

"I think you're giving me too much credit," Jaune replied. "There are plenty of guys desperate enough to stick it in anything with a wet hole. Just ask Neptune."

"Neptune isn't that desperate," Weiss chimed in.

"Debatable," Ruby said. "Since he's obsessed with you, and all. Not that you're not lovely, but… well… you're like a brick on both sides, Weiss."

"I know where you sleep, Ruby," Weiss reminded her. "It would be really easy for me to put a pillow over your face and hold it in place with a glyph. Don't tempt me."

"Joke's on you, I've been sleeping with one eye open ever since Blake got a little too frisky a few weeks ago," Ruby reminded her. "It'll take more than that to sneak up on me."

"Why are we even talking about Neptune like this, anyway?" Yang asked. "Isn't he gay? I'm pretty sure he's gay."

"Uh, no?" Blake asked. "At least, not as far as I can tell."

"Come on, no straight guy looks like that," Yang argued. "Seriously, just look at how he dresses and acts. In my personal opinion, Neptune is so far in the closet that he's playing hide-the-sausage with Mr. Tumnus."

"If you all are quite finished," Jaune said, cutting them off. "Anyway, look, I'm not saying that you three aren't cute or anything like that, but do you have any idea how hard it is to balance six girls at once? Adding another three is asking for trouble. Seriously, my dick is already bruised badly enough as it is, I don't particularly want to see what any of you are going to do to try and rock my world."

"Oh, come on, you don't even know us yet," the snake girl protested. "At least let us introduce ourselves to you and explain why you should reconsider."

"Alright, fine," Jaune conceded. "You each get ten seconds."

"I'm Meret," the snake girl said, pointing to herself. "I can give you the best cuddles in the whole world. Seriously, it's like a full-body cuddle. They're better than sex."

"...Tempting, I admit," Jaune said. "Next?"

"Call me Draco," the dragon girl remarked. "I'm actually a wyvern, not a dragon, but that's not important. What is important is that despite my warrior-like outward appearance, I'm actually very sweet on the inside. Also, the horns on my head are erogenous zones, so any time I'm in the mood and you're not, you can just get me off by rubbing those a bit."

"You know, that's actually not a bad selling point," Jaune remarked. He turned towards the last girl. "And you?"

"I go by Khepri," the wasp girl said. "I can't really do anything kinky or adorable, but I am really good at killing spiders."

"Why is that important?" Jaune asked.

"Because fuck spiders, that's why."

"...Alright, I'll admit that's actually pretty good," Jaune conceded. "Alright, you're all in."

"Just like that?" Blake asked.

"I'm not gonna turn them away when we have so much in common," Jaune protested.

"Dude, you have like one thing in common for each of them," Nora pointed out. "How is that the basis for a healthy and long-lasting relationship?"

"Let it go, Nora," Ren gently chastised. "You can't talk sense into harem fans – they're already delusional as-is. Trying to point out how this shit doesn't even work in fiction without everyone involved being a complete retard is just going to trigger a spergout."

Nora crossed her arms, grumbling under her breath. Jaune stared at her for a moment, then shrugged and looked back at his nine girls.

"So, who's up for a big group shower?" he asked.

That was as far as he got before the cafeteria doors came flying open and Ozpin came strolling in.

"What's this I hear about new Grimm students?" he asked. "Did the current ones lay eggs already?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not how Grimm reproduce, sir," Glynda said.

"Are you calling Port a liar, Glynda?"

"I'm not calling him a truther, that's for sure."

Ozpin's gaze fell onto the new girls, and he immediately scowled. "Oh," he remarked.

"What's the matter, Ozpin?" Jaune asked.

Ozpin blinked, then waved him off. "Oh, it's nothing. For a second there, I was worried that they might have been followed." He paused, then looked over to Khepri. "You there, bug girl. You weren't followed, right?"

Khepri opened her mouth, but didn't get a chance to respond before the walls to the cafeteria exploded. As the dust cleared, a figure clad in a black robe came striding towards their table, and Jaune sighed tiredly.

"Number ten, I take it?" he asked. "Alright, lay it on me. What's your deal?"

"My deal is that my finest creations have run off to be with you!" the new Grimm lady shouted. "Seriously, of all people, why you? I could have believed it if it was Taiyang Xiao Long – that man's sexual prowess is so world-renowned that I know about it even out in the Grimmlands – but you? You're a nobody!"

"He's an Arc, Salem," Ozpin chimed in. "Their lineage is perhaps second only to Taiyang's in terms of sheer prowess."

"But he's so underwhelming," Salem chastised. "My daughters can do better."

"Oh, they're your daughters now, are they?" Ozpin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, they are," Salem insisted. "I don't recall you being around to raise them."

"That's hard to do when your ex divorces you via a blast of magic to the face, followed by her killing your four actual non-monstrous daughters," Ozpin reminded. "I'm surprised you haven't killed these nine yet."

"I'm strongly considering it," Salem said, her gaze traveling over to Jaune's harem. "Seriously, I spent how long training you all to destroy humanity, and this is how you repay me? By running off and shacking up with the most boring, thoroughly underwhelming one you could find?"

"In our defense, he's the first one who wasn't immediately turned off by how we look," Muninn said.

"Is now a good time to admit that it was a fear boner more than anything?" Jaune asked.

"A fear boner is one thing, but a fear orgasm is quite another," Kuma remarked. "I mean, at a certain point, the fear gives way to acceptance, and the acceptance gives way to adoration."

"That sounds incredibly non-consensual," Ihsa interrupted. "Can you phrase it a bit differently, please?"

"Okay, sure. We fucked him until he loved us, Mother."

"Not what I meant."

"Eh, it's close enough," Vara said with a shrug.

"I know this is weird coming from me, but we should probably be paying attention," Artemis interjected. "Our so-called mother is speaking."

"Ooh," Ozpin observed. "Shots fired, Salem. Sounds like you're somehow even worse of a mother now than you were all those years ago. And that's saying a lot, considering you killed those four girls."

"And I'm tempted to add nine more to the list," Salem threatened. "Did you all think I'd be so stupid as to make my daughters more powerful than me? Please. I can take all of you with my hands tied behind my back."

"I mean, if you're that pent-up, I'm sure Jaune would be down for it," Nora offered.

"Oh, shut up," Salem said, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, you all are just tiring. What's stopping me from just waving my hand and killing you all with a passing gesture?"

"Common decency, and the knowledge that you don't want to kill your daughters and their boyfriend?" Jaune asked, hopeful.

Salem just stared at him, and he sighed. "Oh, blame a guy for trying."

"Wait, I just thought of something," Artemis said. "Salem, you and Ozpin were married at one point, right?"

"Yes, child," Salem replied.

"Did you ever get a divorce?"

"...No, actually," Ozpin admitted. "I thought the divorce was implied back when we tried to kill each other."

"You kidding?" Yang asked. "My dad and my biological mom tried to kill each other on a regular basis until my mom finally had enough and officially divorced him. It was like a sport between them. That doesn't mean you want to separate, it just means that you're fighting with each other and it's inevitably going to devolve into very passionate hatesex."

"You know all of that about your parents?" Weiss asked, disgusted.

"She does," Ruby confirmed.

"That explains a lot about your family, then. Carry on, please."

"With pleasure," Artemis said. She turned back to Salem. "Anyway, what I'm getting at is simple – if you're both technically still married, and you had nine kids… doesn't that put Ozpin on the hook as the father?"

Everyone paused for a moment as they considered Ruby's words. After a moment, Ozpin let out a heavy sigh.

"...Damn it," he said. "Alright, Salem – how will you take your child support? Because I know you don't want money."

"That's a good point, Ozpin," Salem said, a huge shit-eating grin crossing her face. "I think I'll take my payment in Relics. I hear you've got one lying around here somewhere."

"Sir, you can't seriously be considering this," Glynda implored.

"It's this or dealing with the lawyers, Glynda," Ozpin explained. "Frankly, I'm going with the lesser of two evils, here."

With that, Salem and Ozpin began to walk off to parts unknown. Everyone watched them go before Muninn cleared her throat.

"So," she said. "You're not going to try to kill us, Mother?"

"Not yet," Salem answered. "But I will at some point, so enjoy it while it lasts, you bunch of skanks."

With that, she walked off, leaving them all alone. Jaune waited for her to disappear, then turned back to his harem.

"So," he said. "Who's up for a ten-way?"

The resulting orgy brought the entire first-year dorm building down to its very foundation. But Jaune didn't mind – it helped distract from the all-encompassing dread he felt, knowing he was one day going to have to face the queen of the Grimm.

When that day finally came, he just hoped she was as easy to charm as her daughters were.

---

Merry Christmas to all of you! I'm assuming that most of you will not be reading this until later, for obvious reasons, but I'd just to take a moment to say thanks to all of you for supporting me all this time. I really, truly appreciate it. I wouldn't be here now without all of your support. It means more than you'll ever know.

Now then, onto the chapter. I don't have a whole lot to say, really. I know some of you will be disappointed that it's Grimm monster girls instead of Grimmified Team RWBY… but let's be honest, Mallobaude basically has the market cornered there, anyway. I did give that idea a shot initially, and I wasn't a fan of how my attempt was turning out, so I scrapped it and went with what I thought would be a better idea, since I've never really seen Grimm monster girls done before and I really wanted to try I. And honestly, I really like how it turned out. It's not my favorite chapter, but it's up there. I'm actually surprised I spent this much time on it and didn't end up hating the final result, lol.

Anyway, here's how I came up with the names for the girls, because I know you're all curious about that.

Beowolf girl – I needed something that was vaguely outdoorsy. Artemis is the goddess of the hunt, wild animals, and vegetation… and fertility and childbirth, but that's neither here nor there. Point is, I wanted something outdoorsy, and this name happened to fit the bill perfectly. We're just going to conveniently ignore the fact that Artemis is one of the most overused, cliche names in all of fan fiction. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Death Stalker girl – at first I tried looking up different kinds of scorpions, which didn't lead to much. Then I tried looking up something kind of Egyptian or otherwise Middle Eastern, but I couldn't find anything I like. Then I kind of just did word association until I stumbled onto something that felt right to me, which went something like this: There's a type of scorpion called the emperor scorpion. Emperor is also a black metal band. Ihsahn is the name of the frontman for the band Emperor. A somewhat feminine version of Ihsahn's name that I could come up with on the fly was Ihsa. Therefore, her name is Ihsa (pronounced Eye-Sah, BTW.)

Geist girl – This one actually comes from a few places. Since she's a Geist, and therefore based off a ghost, I turned to classic horror to look for a name. That led me to Silent Hill (as you can probably imagine, given my author image). The main antagonist of the first Silent Hill game is a woman named Dahlia Gillespie. Pretty much as soon as the name Dahlia came to me, I thought of the band The Black Dahlia Murder, plus the actual real-life woman Elizabeth Short, who was known posthumously as Black Dahlia after her famous still-unsolved, very brutal murder. I figured that was more than enough horror to justify giving a ghost girl the name Dahlia, so I went with it.

Nevermore girl – Muninn is one of two ravens associated with Odin in Norse mythology, who served as one of his information gatherers (from what I can tell, at least; I don't know shit about mythology, I just skim this stuff for names). I chose Muninn instead of the other one because Muninn's name means Memory or Mind in Old Norse, and she's supposed to be the smart one of the bunch. I wanted her to be the smart one because ravens (and corvids in general) are actually extremely smart animals compared to the rest of the animal kingdom. Not much to say beyond that; I tried finding a more obscure/creative name, but I kept coming back to this one, and it ended up sticking despite my best efforts.

Boarbatusk girl – I wanted something that sounded kind of exotic. When I'm not sure what kind of name I want for a character, I tend to turn towards mythology, which works great for me because there are so many different deities among all the various religions that you're bound to stumble onto one who symbolizes something you're looking for. In this case, Varaha is the avatar of the Hindu god Vishnu, who sometimes appears as a boar. I shortened the name to Vara, and had something I was satisfied with.

Ursa girl – She's kind of a meathead, so I figured something kind of simple would work. Hence why she's called Kuma – Kuma is Japanese for bear. It's basic and obvious enough that I felt like it fit her to a T.

And there's the names. Let me know how I did – names tend to be one one of my biggest weaknesses when it comes to writing, so I'd love to hear what you all think of them.

Before I go, a brief reminder: I will be taking a few weeks off from this fic to recuperate a bit, since this chapter absolutely left me drained. Not that I mind – I think it was absolutely worth it. I'll be back in a few weeks, don't you worry. I've still got some gas in the tank, so you haven't seen the last of this fic just yet.

As with any hiatus I take, feel free to send me PMs if you want a status update, I'd be happy to respond as best as I can and tell you where I'm at with the next chapter if you're curious. Otherwise, I'll see all you fine people soon.

Next update: To be determined.