Chapter Forty Two - Flashing Lights
The days for Elizabeth were getting fairly monotonous, and today was no exception to that. The relentless efforts from the press to capture endless images of her began to weigh down heavily on Elizabeth. She thrust her head back into the seat with a loud groan as she spotted the bolts of light flickering away in the distance.
'Why can't they leave me alone?' she whispered.
'Madam Secretary, I have tried to enforce as many boundaries as possible around the State department, your home and the white house. More public meetings like the one you had earlier with Minster Chen make it harder to control. They end up filtering back to State regardless of what I say, they're desperate to follow you' Daisy smiled apologetically and Elizabeth waved her hand signalling to her that it was ok, she knew this was not Daisy's fault.
Elizabeth tipped her head up and looked at her staff. She inhaled deeply and peered out the window once again. Goosebumps covered her as she saw the State-department building protected by a swarm of press.
'This is more than normal Daisy, are you sure there is no new information that has come out?' Elizabeth looked back anxiously, her hands trembling as the panic rose.
'Nothing Ma'am, I can't find a thing' Daisy resorted.
Elizabeth nodded firmly and signalled to her DS agents she was ready to exit the motorcade and head into State. As she stepped out she was instantly derailed in her path, Cameras flashed endlessly in her face, forcing her vision to be distorted as they continued to push closer to her, all of them screaming an infinite amount of questions at her. The agents formed a shield around Elizabeth, her head began to span as Matt scooped his arm under hers, practically dragging her through the crowd and into the elevator.
Once inside Matt never loosened his grip on her. Daisy, Nadine and Jay all poured into the small space with her. She instantly felt claustrophobic. She dipped her head as she tried to shelter her struggling form from her staff. Matt knew all too well what was happening for her, he had seen and heard her get into a state of panic so many times recently. He tightened his hold reassuring her silently that she was safe.
Elizabeth's chest began to rise and fall a little quicker as her body flooded with a surge of adrenaline. As soon as the doors opened she untangled herself from Matt's grip and marched off to her office, leaving her staff in her path. Blake stood to greet her but she instantly shut him down, forcing her legs to carry her into her office, the door slamming shut behind her as she finally let it go.
Her hand rose to her chest, clutching it tightly as gasped silently for air. Her lips parted as she panted, her body yearning for a deep breath she was unable to obtain. Her legs began to shake beneath her forcing her to stumble to her desk and take a seat. She cupped her hands over her mouth and tried to steady the breaths which flowed. Her head spinning from lack of oxygen, she felt her body sway slightly as she started to lose control of her emotions.
'Lizzie you have quite an audience outside' Will joked as he stepped into her office. Elizabeth didn't respond, in fact she didn't even hear him as her whole body descended into panic.
'Oh shit' Will cursed and ran to her aid. He pulled her chair away from the desk and placed his hands on her knees. 'Deep Breaths, it's ok' the panic in himself began to stir as he watched his older sister struggle. 'It's ok Lizzie, shhh' he rubbed her arm softly as he tried to catch her gaze.
'Will' She panted, her hand falling to grip at his arm, as the other reached up to her chest, attempting to rip it open, almost as if that would allow her the room to breathe. Will slowly slipped his hands into hers, holding them firmly in place.
'I'm here. I came to surprise you, what happened?' He searched her face. She shook her head and slammed her eyes shut as the shaking reinforced her dizziness.
'Just try and slow the breathing down a bit for me. I am going to get you a drink' he spoke slowly and she nodded. She tipped her head into her lap and began to inhale for five and exhale for five. After a few rounds she felt the tension and panic start to leave her body. Will knelt back down on the floor before her after he retrieved them a drink. He repositioned his hands on her arms and continued to rub softly. No words were exchanged, he just sat with her and waited until her panic turned to tears.
Elizabeth sniffled as she started to get upset, Will instantly pulled her in. His arm wrapped around her, securing her in a tight brotherly hold, trying so hard to squeeze all the broken pieces back together so she could feel whole again. Elizabeth slowly pulled back and smiled weakly at him. She wiped her eyes and turned to the desk looking for that drink.
'Whiskey?' She rolled her eyes as let out a tearful chuckle as he shrugged at her
'I didn't think water was going to cut it' he winked.
'Will it's like three in the afternoon'
'Arh, but it will be past six somewhere in the world, so celebrate them' He mocked and picked up his own glass, throwing it back in one. Elizabeth's fingers danced around the glass as she took a few more moments to continue to settle.
'You surprised me?' She eyed him up and he chewed his lips
'Yes, well, maybe there is also another reason' he bit his lip and she leant back in her chair, her arms folded across her as she looked at him.
'Spill'
'I was coming to see you anyway, but I was going to go home to Sophie and Annie first, but Sophie and I had an argument so I came here a few days earlier instead of going home' He confessed, allowing his body to fall on the couch in her office.
'You're lucky I don't have the energy to even go there with you today' she dismissed him, her fingers tapping on the desk as she continued to eye up the drink in front of her.
'Sorry, you don't want to hear about me when you're going through all this. How often does that happen?' He asked softly.
'Not often, it's just so intense when it does. Henry used to be so good at spotting them before me, he always calmed me down' her voice cracked as tears pricked at her eyes. A few moments of silence fell between them as Elizabeth leant forward and rested her chin upon her wrist. 'It's the press, it panics me and makes me feel so claustrophobic, I can't deal with it' she admitted silently.
'There is quite an audience outside' He chuckled
'It's not just outside, it's any visit I go on, it's outside the house, on the drive to the white house. Everywhere; I have a constant migraine from the flashing lights. Some Days I struggle more than normal, I guess today was one of those days' she tried to downplay the severity of the situation.
'How are you?' Will asked, hitting each work a little harder as he spoke, it was the small talk question he asked, it was the more in depth how are you question. Elizabeth twisted her lips as she pondered her reply. She turned to face him, her eyes engulfed with sadness, her head slowly shaking in despair.
'Not even remotely ok' she sighed heavily. 'But I try not to let it show, for the sake of this place, Stevie and… well, there is no one else now' she swallowed her truth as it forced its way to the surface.
'How are the kids? How is Henry?' Will asked tentatively.
'I honestly don't know, Stevie is always with her boyfriend, Alison and Jase are down the farm and Henry and I don't see eye to eye of late, hence the divorce' she replied sarcastically and groaned in frustration at her.
'You knew what I meant' he widened his eyes as he stared at her.
'I don't know Will, I can't speak to him'
'Can't or won't?'
'Can't, every time I think of him or see him I get so angry at the fact he just gave up and threw a divorce on the table, I've spent months telling him to address his own anger, I need to sort mine before I can speak to him properly again' she explained. Will nodded understanding where she was coming from.
'Well, you've got me for the next few days' He winked and she laughed.
'Lucky me' she teased, a small chuckle escaping her lips as she became more comfortable with her surroundings. In that moment there was a knock on the door, Elizabeth swivelled in her chair to face her office entrance as she commanded them to come in.
'Sorry to Interrupt Madam Secretary, Mr Adams-' Nadine smiled and greeted him '-The President would like to see you right away' She finished and Elizabeth sighed.
'Sorry Will, duty calls' she mocked standing up. 'Oh Nadine, did we find out why there was more press than normal outside?'
'Yes we did Ma'am, there were some rumours that you were showing your new boyfriend around the state department' Nadine shifted awkwardly
'My new boyfriend? Wow, I move on quickly,' she replied sarcastically. She glanced down to the glass of whiskey on the table and took it in her hands, throwing half the contents back to numb the pain. Neither Nadine nor will knew how to respond to her back hand comment.
'Nadine see to it that there is no press when I leave please, and can you make arrangements with my DS agents that if there is press around I will be picked up and dropped off in the parking garage from now on. I cannot stomach the sight of them anymore' She huffed in annoyance.
'Yes, Ma'am, I'll have your motorcade ready in five' Nadine responded as she left the room.
Will stood and walked over to his sister. 'Here' she handed him a key to her home. 'Let yourself in, make yourself at home. I'll be home in a few hours' She smiled and he nodded.
'Hey Lizzie,-' he called out softly and she turned to face him, instantly smiling at his softer features.
'Hmm?'
'Don't pay attention to the press, they don't know what they're talking about. I think you're doing a really good job of working to keep us all safe whilst figuring some heavy shit out. It was easy for me when Sophie and I split. I could run away to another country and hide. You're right in the epicentre of it with the entire world watching. You can't escape, you just have to go through and I really do admire you for that.' His words fell onto her delicate frame as she listened with intent.
'I can feel every single eye on me, that's for sure' she sighed heavily.
'You're in survival mode right now, you Got this part figured out. You just need to try and move on and live your life now' He smiled. He leant in and kissed her cheek softly as he left the room, leaving her standing there thinking about what he had just said. It really was time to move on...