Chapter Forty Four - Empty Chairs
Henry leant against the kitchen unit, staring into space as his mind drifted further. His eyes fixed on a point before him, unable to break his gaze even when Elizabeth walked into the room.
'That's the kids settled for the night. God, it felt like they were tiny babies again tucking them into bed.' She sighed happily as her mind overloaded her with precious memories of the young McCords. She leant opposite Henry, her arms folded as she watched him, her foot moving into his gaze, finally breaking that hold. He glanced up and smiled softly.
'I need to make a move, it's already past nine and I still need to finish some paperwork' she ran her hand through her hair, sweeping it back from her face as she spoke.
'You don't have to go' he offered and she looked over to him, unsure of how to respond. 'I'm sure you have the paperwork with you, you haven't eaten since you've got here either. I don't mind if you want to stay, we have spare rooms, or the couch whichever you feel more comfortable with' he explained. Elizabeth inhaled and twisted her mouth as she tried to think of a plausible excuse; nothing.
'Ok, I'll just take the couch and set off early in the morning,' she confirmed and he nodded.
'Chinese?' Henry asked but she shook her head
'I am not very hungry thanks, I could use a drink though' she stepped over to the back end of the kitchen and pulled a chair out letting her body fall onto it, as her arm rested upon the table.
'Coffee? Wine? Or are you thinking of something stronger?' He smirked and she chucked at his request.
'Definitely stronger, do we have any of that really fancy whiskey left?' She pondered, the simple use of the word 'we' causing a knot in her stomach.
``We do,' Henry smiled and reached for the old bottle at the back of the shelf. He grabbed two tumblers and took a seat opposite her on the dining table, filling their glasses and pushing one over to her, the whiskey bottle remaining on the table between them.
'Toast?' He raised his glass looking at her questionably
'Too what? Shitty parenting, to our divorce?' She replied sarcastically. Her words irritated Henry, the inability to have a simple drink with no underlying malice proving impossible, but how could he blame her, she was right. What did they have to celebrate?
Henry simply dropped his request to raise a toast and let the brown liquid fall down his throat, he grimaced slightly as he swallowed the rising burn.
'I was thinking that I will speak with Blake, have him arrange for Alison and Jason to come and stay with me some weekends, it might help them settle a bit more.' She explained and Henry nodded.
'I think they will appreciate that. I had no idea Jason missed you so much, I can't believe I missed it' Henry sighed.
'Everyone has had a lot going on, the experience being different for each of us. At least we know now' she smiled. A moment of silence falling between them as Henry thought about her words.
'So, how have you been?' He asked genuinely. Elizabeth mimicked his actions and took a swig for dutch courage, her fingers bouncing on the table as she tried to fathom a response.
'Relentless' was all she could muster
'I have seen, The press haven't really given you any room to breathe have they' he responded. Elizabeth chuckled at the irony, for it was the press who had done exactly that, causing her so much distress that she couldn't breathe. She avoided eye contact with Henry, he wasn't someone she could share those darker times with anymore.
'Will Visited a few weeks ago' she changed the topic. 'He asked how the kids and you were' she smiled softly.
'He did text me a few days ago actually, just checking in. How is he?'
'Struggling too I think, with his own issues. I don't think he and Sophie are on the best of terms. I think he is worried they're going to get divorced.' She picked up her glass and took another sip of whiskey, her insides warming as the liquid soothed her anxiousness within. 'Looks like the Adams kids are set to spend their future alone. Maybe that's why my parents died when we were so young, it was a foretelling of our future; showing us that we would be alone' She mumbled. Her words effortlessly tumbled from her mouth as her mind willed her to stop.
'What happened to your parents was a tragic accident Elizabeth. It in no way was designed to represent your future. You're not alone,' he whispered. His hand itching to stretch across the table and hold hers, to stop her own hands from shaking as she spoke.
'I am having a hard time believing that' she whispered, her words almost inaudible as she gulped down the remainder of her drink, instantly opening the cap on the bottle and pouring another. Henry watched on, he often thought the divorce was the hardest part about all this but looking at her now, he couldn't be more wrong, the regret was far worse.
'How did we get something so right so wrong?' He asked. His words were soft as his mind tortured him. Elizabeth's hand cupped her drink, slowly tilting the glass to balance on the brim, her hands playing with it as she tried to distract herself from any emotions Within.
'I don't know Henry,' the soft whisper came.
'As much as I want to say it was when you came back from Iran, or Geneva, or even taking the job at state, I'd be a fool to pinpoint any of those moments and Blame you. In fact I was a fool, as I've already done that' he sighed heavily, now it was his turn to throw the drink back and instantly pour another. The honesty of his words filtering over the liquid hitting the glass. 'I think it's when I didn't listen to you, that night in the kitchen when you were washing dishes. You told me, it all change you, it will change us. But I didn't listen. I was so sure that we could withstand it, we'd been through worse, but you tried to warm me. I should have listened' his words fell from his lips, he made no attempt to stop them, knowing that honesty was needed.
'There were times that I should have listened too, but once things are said you cannot retract them, and that's where the damage lies Henry, it wasn't one isolated incident from either of us, it was the damage that we let get beyond repair' she rationalised. Her mind seeking clarity over the situation whilst Henry's grew mudder.
A moment of silence fell between them, silence that rang so loud and clear in both their minds. The air between them was no longer calming, they needed volume and chaos to hide behind. Elizabeth tipped the rest of her drink down her throat, her eyes closing as it hit her core, her cheeks flushing red as her body relaxed into the sensation. As she placed the glass down Henry instantly filled it up, topping his own up in the process.
'Are you trying to get me drunk?' She asked, her words falling as a statement rather than a teasing question. She sighed inwardly, she had lost the ability to even joke with Henry.
'No, If I am honest I am just enjoying the company. I am enjoying talking to you' he offered but Elizabeth didn't dare respond. Her wall was built so high, there was no transparency on offer for him, a complete refusal to engage silenced them both once again.
'Are you really ok? I couldn't help but notice that you've lost a little weight?' Henry asked carefully as he watched her twist her lips in response.
'God you sound just like Blake' she groaned. Henry raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head. 'I just don't feel like eating, it's ok. I am allowed to miss a meal or two' she huffed
'Given your smaller frame I would say you've missed more like ten maybe fifteen meals Elizabeth' his tone more stern with her as her stubbornness riled him.
'I am fine Henry.' She shut him down.
'You're not' he bit back. He inhaled deeply and counted in his head as he exhaled, determined not to argue with her tonight. He changed his approach and his gaze on her softened. 'I need you to look after yourself Elizabeth, please' his hands once again struggling to not reach across the table and hold hers.
'Why?' She looked up, her eyes glistening under the kitchen light as she swallowed her tears.
'Because It makes it even harder to note care about you anymore, and I so have to not care about you if I stand any chance of moving on' he resorted, his voice cracking as the truth spilled into the room.
'You still care about me?' His words baffled her, for the longest time she thought he didn't care at all.
'Oh Elizabeth, I never stopped' his hands finally took the plunge, reaching over and gripping onto her fingers. His thumb caressing her skin as she looked over to him, his admission breaking her heart all over again. She glanced down and blinked, tears falling into her lap. Henry moved from his chair, and moved closer to her, never letting go of her hand. He slipped his free hand up to her cheek, lifting her head gently and wiping away the stray tears.
Elizabeth's eyes closed at the contact, her head pushing into his palm, desperate to feel his skin on hers. Her hands began to shake lightly as pressed her lips together.
'I can't do this, this is too hard' she whispered, her eyes slowly opening as she drank in the sight of him. 'I'm sorry Henry, I…I need to go before I let myself fall for you again' She sniffled and stood up. Henry's hand fell from her skin as he remained in situ. He watched her grab her things and leave, walking out the front door towards her motorcade. Henry covered his mouth with his hands, his own tears forming as he sat in the kitchen of the old McCord family home surrounded by nothing but empty chairs.