Problems With Dating the RWBY Girls

Chapter 61: Pyrrha, or: Death Magnetic

All her life, Pyrrha had never backed down from a challenge. She was always looking for the next strongest opponent to fight, and the next mountaintop to climb. Ever since childhood, she'd had a competitive streak a mile wide. Beacon was supposed to mellow her out, and for awhile, it had.
But then, something had happened. A certain someone had shown up on her radar, so to speak – her partner, Jaune. He was everything she wasn't – he wasn't athletic, or strong, or even particularly book-smart… but he was also everything she didn't know she wanted in a man. He was genuine and caring to a fault, and he treated her like a friend and companion rather than an idol, which was something she'd never really had before. Even her other friends at Beacon still referred to her celebrity status from time to time, but not him – not Jaune.

It was no wonder that she had fallen so hard for him, really.

And given her massive competitive streak, she had decided that failure wasn't an option here. So she had staked her claim early, and made it incredibly obvious.

To all you other bitches: he's MINE. Stay the FUCK away, if you know what's good for you.

Harsh of her, to be sure, but she didn't care – Jaune was her man, and she wouldn't stand for anyone else making a move on him.

Perhaps that was why she had started to really amp up the public displays of affection, such as what she was doing now.

"Uh, Pyrrha?" Nora asked.

"Yes, Nora?" Pyrrha asked.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Because it looks like you might be jerking Jaune off under the table."

Pyrrha waved her off. "Not to worry – he quite enjoys it."

She motioned to Jaune for emphasis. Everyone turned to look at him, and found that he was currently laying back in his seat, biting his lip hard to keep from crying out, his eyes rolled back in his head from sheer pleasure. Pyrrha couldn't help but grin – after all, she did take pride in her work, as any true artist would.

"Could you not?" Weiss asked. "This is quite unnecessary… not to mention incredibly obscene."

"I have no idea what you mean," Pyrrha stated. "I'm simply showing my boyfriend a good time. Now, I know you don't know anything about that since you don't have a boyfriend because you so cruelly turned down Jaune's advances, but I can assure you that as Jaune's girlfriend, it is my duty to ensure that he is satisfied."

"I'd say he's pretty satisfied," Ren observed.

"That's nothing," Yang said. "Homeboy was satisfied five minutes ago, yet she just keeps stroking. Honestly, though, you go, girl. Show him what for."

Yang flashed her a warm smile, and Pyrrha felt her blood run cold. This wasn't actually happening, was it?

"I have no idea what you're implying," Pyrrha suddenly stated, her grip tightening around Little Jaune. Big Jaune gave a low moan of pleasure, which caused her to shudder in appreciation and rub her thighs together.

"Oh, come now," Yang said. "Jaune's a good guy. We're all happy for you two."

Ah, so this was happening. How problematic. Still, it was nothing Pyrrha couldn't take care of, though that would unfortunately have to wait.

"Yes, of course," Pyrrha replied, taking care not to let her jovial tone drop even for a split-second. "I am happy to please Jaune however he wants, no matter how obscene it may actually be."

"Well, I guess we know who wears the pants in this relationship," Ruby said.

"You kidding?" Nora asked. "Between the two of them, it was only ever gonna be Pyrrha. Jaune's nice and all, but he's thick as a bag of hammers sometimes. Honestly, if it weren't for Pyrrha showing some initiative, he'd still be completely blind to her advances."

"How exactly did you get him to notice you, anyway?" Blake wondered. "Knowing you two, it was probably something incredibly cute – I mean, Jaune's a good guy, and you're pretty down-to-earth and modest, so I can't imagine it was anything too ostentatious."

"It began the same way all modern relationships began," Pyrrha explained. "I realized that Jaune was never going to understand unless I directly approached him and made my intentions clear. So I waited until Ren and Nora had gone out to do… whatever it is they do in the Forever Fall."

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Ren said. "It involves tree sap – lots and lots of tree sap. And that's all I have to say about that."

"Anyway, once they were gone, I then waited for Jaune to take a shower," Pyrrha continued. "As you all know, there's nowhere in Beacon that's actually safe to masturbate except for the dorm showers. So I anticipated that he'd get in there and start masturbating, since I know we all do it."

Weiss scoffed. "How uncouth! I would never-"

"Weiss, come on," Yang said, rolling her eyes. "I've seen you sneak your scroll in there with you. We all know what you're doing with it, and it's not checking your stock portfolio like you keep saying it is."

Ruby gave her a deadpan look. "Seriously? That was the best lie you could come up with?"

"Well, let's see you do better," Weiss challenged.

"I don't have to do better, because I don't bother to actually hide what goes on in there. I don't see a point; everyone knows what goes on in those showers. I'm pretty sure even Ozpin knows, which is why they never seem to run out of hot water."

"Huh," Nora observed. "So the old man does actually care about us. I never would've guessed after he threw us off a cliff for initiation."

"Like I was saying," Pyrrha interrupted. "I waited until I was sure Jaune was busy masturbating, and then I decided to do something bold to really get his attention. So I got naked, stepped into the bathroom, got into the shower with him, and offered to take care of that problem between his legs."

"He didn't lock the door?" Yang asked.

Naturally, he had locked the door, as any teenage boy knows to do, but they didn't need to know that Pyrrha had simply picked the lock with her semblance; even for her, that was probably a step too far.

"He tends to forget," Pyrrha said.

Blake shook her head. "I take it back. This story wasn't cute at all."

"Hey, I knew what I wanted and I took it," Pyrrha said matter-of-factly. "I'm not sorry."

"Still, at least one of you has a sense of shame. I'm just surprised that it's Jaune."

"Still, that aside," Yang said, "I'm happy for you both. Seriously, you make a really good pair – Pyrrha, you're incredibly sweet, and Jaune's a great guy."

Pyrrha's eyes narrowed once more. The audacity of this bitch.

The bell rang, and Yang let out a tired sigh.

"Well, back to the ol' grind," she said, rising to her feet. "And I don't just mean the grinding that Pyrrha does to Jaune every night."

"That was horrible," Ruby deadpanned. "You need better material, Yang."

Pyrrha watched them all as they began walking to class, her eyes focused on Yang. This simply wouldn't do – from the sound of things, Yang was planning on making a move on Jaune – her Jaune, the Jaune she had spent so much time and energy lusting over before finally managing to take for herself. And that simply wouldn't stand.

Something had to be done about this, and Pyrrha knew exactly what.

"Jaune!"

"Ah!" Jaune screamed, catapulting awake. He sat up straight in bed, bringing a hand up to rest over his pounding heart. "Ruby…? Don't do that! You scared me half to death!"

"There's been an accident, Jaune!" Ruby said, tears filling her eyes. "Yang's really hurt…"

"Whoa, slow down," Jaune said. "What do you mean, there's been an accident? What happened?"

"We don't know," Ruby lamented. "She didn't come back from the gym last night. We all thought maybe she was just doing some late night training before bed, so we didn't think anything of it, but this morning, we got a message saying that she was in the hospital!"

"Okay, okay," Jaune said, trying to calm her down. "Look, I'm sure she'll be fine. Just give me like fifteen minutes to get up and get dressed, and we can all go see her together."

"Why do you need fifteen minutes?! What could possibly take so-"

Jaune merely lowered the covers a little bit, which revealed Pyrrha lying next to him, treating him like the little spoon. She was basically wrapped around him, her head on his bare chest, a thin trail of drool leaking out of her mouth and onto him.

For some reason, Pyrrha had come back very late last night, incredibly tired yet also incredibly horny. He hadn't questioned it, mainly because he knew that he had absolutely zero hope of fending off a horny Pyrrha… you know, assuming he'd even wanted to fend her off, which he hadn't.

Seriously, horny!Pyrrha gave the best head. It was unreal.

Shaking that thought away, Jaune brought a hand up and shook Pyrrha. Groggily, she opened one eye.

"Jaune…?" she asked, yawning. "It's still early. Did you want to go for another round?"

"Later, " Jaune said. "Yang's in the hospital. We're gonna go visit her… so, uh, I need you to let go of me."

Pyrrha blinked, then immediately wrapped her arms around him again and laid back down. "Twenty more minutes."

"Come on, Pyr-"

"Don't care. Twenty. More. Minutes."

Exasperated, Jaune looked over to Ruby. "We're gonna be a little late," he said apologetically.

Eventually, they made it to the hospital wing. Ruby led them over to a bed, where a giant mass of bandages and plaster casts lay immobilized in bed. She was recognizable as Yang only because of the mop of unkempt blonde hair that spilled out of the back of her full-body cast.

"Holy shit," Jaune breathed as he first caught sight of her. "Yang, what the fuck? Did you lose a fight with a train, or something? That's really something I'd expect from Nora."

Nora frowned. "It's really something I wanted to do," she lamented. "But apparently, she beat me to the punch."

Yang's eyes drifted over to Pyrrha. For some reason, she began to sweat, and swallowed nervously. "I… had an accident."

"Well, yes, we can all see that," Jaune pointed out. "Mind telling us what the nature of this accident was? It must have been fucking awful."

"I fell down some stairs."

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked.

"I fell down some stairs," Yang repeated, again looking over to Pyrrha for some reason. Pyrrha nodded, and Yang continued. "It was a bad fall. Cartoonish, really – someone left a banana peel at the top of the stairs leading down from the roof. I was up there doing my daily night routine – you know, some stretching, some yoga, some shadow boxing, and just a little bit of screaming up at the heavens and calling the Gods a bunch of rotten bastards for taking away both my moms. Anyway, once my vocal cords were sufficiently warmed-up, I went to go down for my nightly shower and masturbation session, but I stepped on the banana peel and fell down the stairs… and landed back first onto a pair of roller skates… which carried me head-first out a nearby window… and made me land in a tree… whereupon the branches broke and I came crashing to the ground… only to land in a bed of roses… and the roses were on a hill, so I rolled down the hill… and off the cliff leading to the Emerald Forest."

Jaune stared at her in disbelief. "Wow, that's… actually really cartoonish. Like, holy shit, talk about a run of bad luck." He shook his head. "How unfortunate. Anyway, how long are you gonna be in that thing for?"

"The doctors say I'll be like this for at least a few weeks," Yang said. "Which is a problem, because I didn't get the chance to masturbate before I ended up in this thing, so I'm really horny. Would one of you girls – emphasis on the girls part – mind doing me a solid and-"

"Ew!" Weiss said. "Yang, no."

"Aw, come on! If you were in my situation, you'd want someone to take care of you!"

"Not like that!"

"I'm sorry, but this story is ridiculous," Blake interrupted. "Seriously, a banana peel? What is this, some bad cartoon? I don't buy it for a second. You expect me to believe that someone just goes around, throwing banana peels all over the place like a degenerate?"

"Doesn't Sun do that?" Ruby questioned. "Guys, you don't think-"

"It was totally Sun," Nora said. "He's the only one who scatters banana peels around like that. I say we find him and kick his ass."

"Nora, please," Ren said. "We can't just jump to conclusions like that."

"Yeah, that's very racist of you, Nora," Blake chastised.

"Blake, you know we all love you and appreciate you, but can we not start with the racism talk right now, please?" Ruby asked. "There are much more important things to discuss, like how we're supposed to relieve Yang's horniness."

"I wasn't aware that there was anything to discuss about with that," Weiss said. "I mean, yeah, it sucks, but I'm not going to do anything about it."

"Come on, please?" Yang begged. "Seriously, I'm dying over here."

"No."

"Bitch. Just know that if our positions were reversed, I'd totally help get you off, Weiss. I'd absolutely rock your world."

"Noted," Weiss said with a shudder. "Regretably noted. Now what?"

"Now, I say we let Yang get some rest… and maybe find someone who will take care of her," Ruby said. "Seriously, any ideas? Maybe Coco or Velvet…" She shook her head. "Anyway, we've still got class, so we'd better get going. See ya, Yang."

Ruby turned and began to walk away, but as she went, she happened to brush shoulders with Jaune. Seeing it, Pyrrha instantly froze, her eyes widening in surprise before they narrowed dangerously.

Ah. So it's gonna be like that, huh?

It was suddenly clear to her – Jaune wasn't safe around any of these hoes. They were all just waiting to make a move on her man. First it was Yang, then it was Ruby. Who would it be next? Weiss, maybe? Blake? Wait, no – it'd be the one she expected least, that being Ren. Well, one thing was for sure – something had to be done about it.

"Jaune!"

"Ah!" Jaune exclaimed as he catapulted awake. "What the hell is it this time? Who's- wait, Neptune?"

Sure enough, Neptune was standing there, looking incredibly distraught. Jaune couldn't help but stare at him.

"I'm already confused," he admitted. "What happened, Neptune? Did someone else hurt themselves?"

"Yes!" Neptune said.

"Who is it this time?"

"It's everyone, Jaune!"

"Wha- what the fuck do you mean, it's everyone!"

"Just come quick!"

Neptune went to reach out and take Jaune by the shoulder, but was suddenly stopped by an arm reaching out from under the covers and taking hold of his arm in an iron grip. He stared, wide-eyed, as Pyrrha rose from her spot lying next to Jaune, hatred burning in her emerald-green eyes.

"What's this?" she asked, in a deceptively cheery tone. "Neptune, do my eyes deceive me, or were you just about to touch my boyfriend? You know that's incredibly dangerous, Neptune – after all, people are getting hurt. How am I supposed to know that you're not the one hurting people?"

"Pyrrha, it's fine," Jaune assured her. "Neptune's too much of a fuckboy to do something like that. You can let go of his arm."

Pyrrha instantly let go, and Neptune pulled his arm back, rubbing it and wincing at the soreness.

"Now then, what seems to be the problem?" Pyrrha asked, in her cheery voice.

"It's… the others," Neptune said through gritted teeth. "They're all in the hospital…"

"You can't be serious!" Jaune said, stunned. "What happened?"

"I don't know the details, just that they're all in really bad shape – I'm talking full-body casts for all of them."

"What a shame," Pyrrha announced. "Let's go visit them. Don't you think that'd be a good idea, Jaune? Going to visit our friends in the hospital? You know, maybe remind them that we're still watching over them?"

"That's a great idea, Pyrrha," Jaune agreed. "Let's get dressed and then we can head out." He paused for a moment, then looked back to Neptune, a sheepish grin crossing his face. "Sorry, bro – didn't mean to give you a show."

"It's fine," Neptune hurriedly said, suddenly aware of Pyrrha glaring at him, a manic grin crossing her face. "Trust me, I am not at all interested in you. Everyone knows that Pyrrha is the only one for you. You two make the perfect couple; why would I ever want to intrude upon that? Heh, yup, I'm just an ordinary fuckboy who's not even fit to lick your soles. You shouldn't pay a worm like me any attention, especially because I only care for you as a friend, in the most platonic sense possible. There's definitely nothing else there. And none of this sarcasm, by the way – I mean every word."

Jaune just stared at him as he rambled. Neptune shifted nervously, then gave an awkward cough.

"I just wanna make it clear that if I turn up dead, I definitely did not kill myself," he announced.

"...Uh, whatever you say, man," Jaune said. "But yeah, let me and Pyrrha just get dressed, and we can head out."

When they finally reached Beacon's hospital wing, Jaune was astounded to find out that Neptune hadn't been exaggerating at all – it basically was everyone of important who was there, all clad in full-body casts, immobilized in bed with only their faces exposed.

"Holy shit…" he breathed. "What the fuck happened to you all? Did you all lose a fight with a truck or something? I know I made that joke before, but seriously, what the hell?"

They all exchanged glances with one another, then with Pyrrha, and then finally looked back to him.

"We fell down some stairs," they all answered as one.

Jaune scowled. "You can't be serious," he deadpanned. "You seriously expect me to believe that all of you fell down some stairs badly enough to get this injured? How stupid do you think I am?"

"Not at all," Weiss answered quickly. "I mean, unless you want to be called stupid, in which case I would be glad to call you stupid. Not that I'm implying that I like you or anything – quite the opposite, in fact – though that's not to say I hate you, either. You know what I'm saying?"

"I don't he knows what you're saying, Weiss," Ruby said, horror creeping into her tone of voice. She glanced over at Pyrrha, and a bead of sweat began to run down her face. "You'd better clarify things, and fast!"

"I don't like Jaune Arc romantically!" Weiss hurriedly said. "Jaune Arc doesn't like me romantically, either! I mean, who would? Aside from Neptune, that is! But he's got poor taste in women, anyway! Haha, yeah, who would ever like me that way? Certainly not Jaune, who as we all know only has eyes for Pyrrha! Which is the way it should be – Jaune and Pyrrha, together forever!"

"Alright, this is just getting weird," Jaune said, slightly creeped out. "Seriously, it's like I'm watching a replay, only it's way worse because now it's all of you. Even Ren is here."

"That I am," Ren confirmed from his spot in bed. "And for the life of me, I have no idea why. I'm not even gay."

"Ren!" Nora warned.

"Oh, oops. I meant to say that I currently am not attracted to Jaune Arc, nor have I ever been attracted to Jaune Arc, nor will I ever be attracted to Jaune Arc. Everyone knows that Jaune Arc was built for Pyrrha and Pyrrha alone. Anyone who disagrees is wrong, and probably also soon-to-be deceased."

"Okay, for real, what's gotten into all of you?" Jaune asked. "You're all acting weirder than usual. Why do you all have the same ridiculous story for how you got so injured? Why does everyone keep bringing up my relationship with Pyrrha? And, most importantly, why the hell is Sun here with you all? What did he do?"

"If I had to guess, Sun's here because he can't stop leaving his banana peels all over the place, Jaune," Pyrrha said. "Finally, it caught up to him, and now he's here, same as the others."

Jaune furrowed his brow. "Sun, what's wrong with you? Is it really that hard to just throw that shit in the nearest trash can?"

"It's harder than you'd think, man," Sun said. Pyrrha glared at him, and he swallowed nervously. "B-but not as hard as your cock is for Pyrrha, and only Pyrrha! After all, we all know that-"

Jaune rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know how it goes. Don't bother finishing your sentence, Sun – I can already see how this conversation is going to go."
Sun heaved a sigh of relief, for reasons that Jaune couldn't quite understand. Silence reigned over the room for just a second before Blake interrupted with a cough.

"...So, I don't mean to reopen old wounds," she began, "but now that I'm actually in the same position Yang is, I have to admit that she had a point earlier."

"See?!" Yang said. "I fucking told you all, but you wouldn't believe me!"

"Can you blame us?" Blake asked. "The last thing I expected to have happen to me was to be beaten up by Pyr- uh, I mean, step on one of Sun's banana peels, then end up in an incredibly convoluted series of unfortunate circumstances that culminated in me lying in this bed, wrapped in a full-body cast, completely unable to move or masturbate."

"Okay, stop," Jaune said. "Just… stop. I am not having the masturbation talk again; that first time with Yang was more than enough."

"Good, because none of us want to have it with you, since you're off the market," Ruby said. "But, for real… do you know anyone who could maybe help us out? 'Cuz we're all in these things for at least a few more weeks, and it's already completely unbearable. I mean, we're teenagers – we can barely go five hours without flicking the bean, how are we supposed to go five weeks?! That's just cruel and unusual."

"You should have thought of that before stepping on Sun's banana peels," Pyrrha said, crossing her arms. "Maybe next time you'll look where you're going."
That shut Ruby up instantly. Pyrrha turned towards Jaune, an expectant look on her face.

"Well, we've seen them," she said. "And to be honest, all this talk of masturbation has gotten me quite horny. Are you down for a pre-class quickie?"

"You know I'm always down for that," Jaune answered.

That was all Pyrrha needed to hear before picking him up, slinging him over her shoulder, and sprinting back to their dorm room. Only once she was gone did everyone else in the hospital breathe a sigh of relief.

"Okay," Yang began. "Now, I know what we're all thinking-"

"That Pyrrha's gone completely fucking crazy?" Nora asked.

"Well, yeah, but not quite. How do we get revenge?"

"Are you out of your mind?" Weiss hissed. "She put all of us in the hospital for no reason! How are we supposed to get revenge on her when she can take us out so easily?"

"It's simple," Yang said. "We find someone who can beat her up, pay them to do it for us, and then act like we had nothing to do with it."

"And who could possibly be capable of doing that?" Blake asked.

"Oh, believe me, I think I have just the person," Yang replied.

Pyrrha was feeling good about herself. How could she not? She had finally succeeded in getting rid of the competition. Sure, they weren't dead, but they wouldn't be making a move on Jaune any time soon. He was safe, and more importantly, he was still hers. And if she had anything to say about it, it would be like that forever.

But for now, it was nothing but bliss.

And so, Pyrrha marched through the halls of Beacon, her head held high and a smug grin on her face.

"I wonder what I'll do with Jaune today?" she said aloud, uncaring of who heard her – after all, it wasn't like any of them could stop her.

"Pyrrha Nikos."

Instantly, Pyrrha felt her mood drop. The grin faded from her face. She turned around, only to raise an eyebrow at who she saw.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" she asked.

The girl – a tall, black-haired, yellow-eyed girl dressed in a Haven Academy uniform – stared back, unimpressed.

"You don't," the girl confirmed. "But you will. Allow me to introduce myself – my name is Cinder Fall. I hope you like that name, because it's the only name you'll be hearing your precious Jaune say from now on."

"What." It wasn't a question – more of a statement of confusion at the sheer audacity of this bitch.

Who did this Cinder person think she was? Clearly, she didn't know who Pyrrha was. But she would.

"Do you have any idea who you're messing with or what you're trying to do?" Pyrrha snarled. "Obviously not, because otherwise you wouldn't even think of doing something like this. And yet, here you are. Do you have a death wish?"

"I'm merely a woman who knows what she wants in life," Cinder said. "And what I want in life is Jaune. Now, are we going to-"

That was as far as she got before there was a metallic screech that filled the entire building. Cinder's eyes widened as all the metal pipes were torn out of the walls, then compressed down to razor-sharp edges that floated in air – hundreds of them, all pointed towards Cinder.

Cinder stared, stunned at what she was seeing. Clearly, she hadn't expected something like this.

Good.

"Let me explain what's going to happen," Pyrrha said, lowly and slowly. "First, I'm going to hurt you. Profusely. You are going to scream for me, bitch. And when I'm satisfied that you've screamed enough, you're going to tell me why you're doing this. Depending on how useful you are to me, I might let you live, despite your audacity. Do I make myself clear, you worm?!"

Slowly, Cinder's eyes narrowed. "You think I'm afraid of you, bitch? Please. I've seen scarier people in my nightmares."

"I am your nightmares," Pyrrha stated. "You just haven't realized it yet. But you will. Oh, you will."

With a wave of her hand, Pyrrha sent the sharpened pieces of metal flying through the air towards Cinder. The hall was suddenly filled with screaming, none of it Pyrrha's.

It was music to her ears.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh!" Yang said. "Not so loud!"

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Yang-"

"Don't 'Yang' me, Weiss! This is serious!"

"Why?" Nora asked. "What happened?"

Yang looked around at the others gathered before her. Currently, they were all holed up in one of Beacon's sub-basements – a little, out-of-the-way location that Yang had managed to coerce from one of Beacon's janitors. It was somewhere she had been assured that they couldn't be found, and that nobody would ever bother looking for them here.

Which was perfect, because as far as Yang was concerned, they were all now out of options.

"Okay," Yang said. "I'm gonna say this carefully, so you all don't completely freak out." She took a breath. "My girl failed."

There was silence for a moment.

Then, pandemonium.

"We're dead!" Ruby cried. "We're all so dead! Pyrrha is gonna murder all of us!"

"How could this happen?!" Blake demanded. "Yang, you promised that she would take care of it!"

"She was supposed to!" Yang protested. "Seriously, it was all laid out for me – Cinder clearly had daddy issues! I thought for sure that promising her a fatherly moment from my dad would be enough to get her to do the job! Well, she certainly tried to get it done, but she fucking failed! How was I supposed to know that Pyrrha's obsession with Jaune outpaced Cinder's obsession with having someone tell her that she's a good girl?!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Weiss screamed. "Of course Pyrrha's craziness outpaces Cinder's, she put us all in the hospital for basically looking at Jaune! How could you possibly think this was going to end any other way?!"

"At least I had a plan!" Yang countered. "What was your plan, Weiss?!"

"Look, let's all just stop fighting and think about this," Ren implored. "The only way this is going to end badly for us is if Cinder ran her mouth at any point. So long as she didn't do that, we're fine – Pyrrha won't be able to connect this back to us."

"And if she did?" Blake asked.

"Well, then we're fucked. But we have to try and remain optimistic about this sort of thing, otherwise we might as well all just commit toaster bath right now."

"Oh, as if it's that easy," Ruby said. "Seriously, you and your stoicism-"

Ruby was suddenly cut off by the sound of a metal door opening, screeching against the concrete floor as it did so. Instantly, they all paused, their eyes widening. Nobody dared to make a move – to them, it was like dealing with a T-Rex – if they didn't move, it couldn't see them.

After a few tense minutes of absolutely no noise or movement of any kind, Weiss dared to let out an exhale.

"...Okay," she ventured. "I think we're safe. That must have just been the janitor coming down here to get high again or something."

"Are you sure about that?" Pyrrha voice asked from the darkness.

All of them opened their mouths to scream, only for Pyrrha to cut them off.

"Don't scream," she said, instantly silencing them. "In fact, don't move or make a noise. Don't do anything but listen until I say it's okay for you to start asking questions, otherwise I will kill you. Nod if you understand."

They all hurriedly nodded. For a few tense moments, there was nothing, but then, footsteps as Pyrrha stepped out of the darkness, her high heels clicking against the cement floor as she walked.

She emerged from the shadows, her expression blank and unreadable. Pyrrha came to a stop a few feet away from them and crossed her arms, causing them to flinch.

"Now then," Pyrrha said. "I know one of you put Cinder up to it. And yes, I know who it is. But that doesn't matter, because I have a proposition for you. It's a simple proposition, really – either you all help me secure Jaune for myself for all eternity, or you end up like Cinder. You want to know what happened to Cinder?"
Hesitantly, they all nodded. Pyrrha pursed her lips.

"You don't want to know what happened to Cinder," she assured them, shaking her head. "Now, then – do you all agree that you'd rather help me than end up like Cinder? Nod if you do."

They all couldn't nod faster if they tried. A horrifying grin crossed Pyrrha's face.

"Excellent," she said. "Now, it's come to my attention that there are certain people out there who would seek to steal Jaune – my Jaune – for themselves. You all included, of course, but I would hope that now you all would have seen the error of your ways. I don't quite forgive you for trying to steal my Jaune away from me, but I am willing to look the other way, since you can all still be useful to me. Weiss,"

Weiss flinched. "Y-yes, Pyrrha?"

"You were Jaune's first crush," Pyrrha observed. "That means you're closest to him. You're the one I can trust the least. And yet, that puts you in a unique position – you know the best ways to get to Jaune's heart."

"A-actually, you're his girlfriend," Weiss timidly pointed out. "That means that you-"

Pyrrha chuckled darkly, then waved her off. "Oh, Weiss. You flatter me. But we all know the truth – you had his eye first. That makes you my biggest rival. I should kill you for that… but I think it'd be best to keep my biggest enemy close, wouldn't you agree?"

"Of course!" Weiss said hurriedly. "Yes, that makes perfect sense! Anything to keep you from stabbing me!"

"I thought so, too," Pyrrha mused. "Anyway, given your unique position, I want your opinion on a few different matters related to Jaune."

"Yes, anything!"

"Hm. I like your enthusiasm," Pyrrha noted. "Anyway, given that I am apparently surrounded by enemies, and that I can trust nobody except maybe the people I've successfully intimidated and coerced over to my side… what do you think the best course of option would be?"

"I think-"

"Think hard," Pyrrha implored.

Again, Weiss flinched. She looked around to her friends for help, but none of them dared to speak out of turn – not with how Pyrrha had introduced herself to them just a few minutes prior. Weiss swallowed nervously, then turned back to Pyrrha.

"...I think there's only one thing to do," Weiss ventured.

"Oh?" Pyrrha asked, surprised. "And what would that be?"

"Well, it's simple – if you truly are surrounded by nothing but people who want to break you apart from your one true, destined love… the only option is to go on the offensive. Make it so they can't come between you and Jaune," Weiss said, steadily gaining more confidence with every word.

Pyrrha blinked. "...You may have a point, Weiss," she conceded. "By all means, do go on. You have my attention."

"What you need to do is ensure that nobody can come between you and him," Weiss continued. "You need to establish yourself so firmly in the world's pecking order that nobody dares to come between you and him. Make it clear that to even attempt to challenge you means that they'll end up like Cinder, whatever that means. Am I making sense?"

"Indeed, you are," Pyrrha said, nodding along. "Thank you, Weiss. I see what I must do now."

"Oh, that's a relief," Weiss said, sighing.

"Yes. And for your part in helping to secure my relationship, I will be offering you a part in my new world order."

"Huh?" Weiss asked.

"Oh, yes," Pyrrha continued. "You've made it clear to me. It's me against the world, and in that case… well, what else is there to do, except the obvious?"

"And… what would the obvious be?" Weiss asked, horror creeping into her tone.

Pyrrha smirked. She stretched her arms out. "Why, taking over the world, of course."

Silence fell over the room, but Pyrrha didn't care. She simply continued her mad raving.

"Yes, of course," Pyrrha said. "If it's me against the world… well, the only thing to do is to win against the world. And I am just the girl to do it, after all – I mean, I am the Invincible Girl, and not only that, but my love is so true. How could anyone hope to stand against my martial prowess, and my love?"

Everyone stared at her in horror. Again, there was naught but silence until Blake cleared her throat.

"You know, that's a great idea, Pyrrha," she said. "In fact, it's such a good idea that you should go ahead and do it right away, consequences be damned. I mean, why wait? There are people out there who want to separate you and your beloved, and that just won't do."

"What are you doing?" Ruby hissed.

"Trying not to die!" Blake hissed back.

"Correct on all counts, Blake," Pyrrha agreed with a nod. "Now then, let's get to work."

"Ugh…" Jaune said as he woke up. Raising his head, he winced when he felt a migraine set in. "What the fuck happened last night…?"

He looked around, trying to get his bearings, but was left even more confused. He wasn't in his dorm room, like he remembered – rather, he appeared to be in some kind of darkened warehouse. Curiously, his bed was there too, with him still in it – whoever had brought him here had quite literally just grabbed his entire bed and walked off with it.

"Jaune?"

His girlfriend's voice caught his attention, and Jaune turned towards her, relieved. "Pyrrha," he said. "What's going on?"

"It's okay, Jaune," Pyrrha said soothingly as she approached. Jaune noticed that she was dressed in her armor and was carrying her weapon, while he was clad in just his underwear.

She continued approaching, and when she was close enough, she pulled him into a big hug, planting his face firmly between her breasts. "We can be together now without issue," she assured him.

Jaune struggled for a bit, trying to breathe, but thankfully Pyrrha was quick to let him go. He took a few deep breaths, then gave her a confused look.

"What do you mean?" Jaune questioned. "I wasn't aware that our relationship was in trouble."

Pyrrha giggled. "Oh, Jaune~ You're so silly. Of course there are those who want to break us apart… well, there were those who want to break us apart. But that's been taken care of."

"Taken care of, how?" he couldn't help but ask.

Pyrrha flashed him a grin, then motioned for him to follow her. Jaune did so tentatively, still aware that he was half-naked. He took Pyrrha's hand and she led him outside, throwing open the doors to the warehouse.

And to say he was stunned would have been an understatement.

It took him a moment to even realize that he was still in Vale. Everything had simply changed so radically – namely, all of the advertisements that littered the city's billboards and buildings were gone, replaced with close-up pictures of Pyrrha's eyes.

"Big Sister is watching you," they all read.

Jaune stared at one for a moment, then cleared his throat. "Uh, Pyrrha?"

"Yes, my love?"

"What's all this? Did you… turn Remnant into some kind of horrific dystopia?"

"Oh, you noticed~ Of course I did, Jaune. Did you really just expect me to sit idly by while the entire world threatened to break us up?" She shook her head. "But not to worry – I am nothing if not benevolent. I know you'd be upset if I hurt too many people, so they shall be allowed to carry on as they were, so long as they don't even think of threatening our relationship. And to ensure it doesn't come to that, well, I decided to make some changes."

There was a flash of green and orange next to him, and Jaune turned to find Ruby's friend Penny standing there. But she looked different – her usual outfit had been replaced with a facsimile of Pyrrha's, and her once-green eyes were now a deep crimson.

"My lord," Penny reported, saluting as she did so. "I have returned with good news. Your house-by-house surveillance system has been implemented throughout Vale and Atlas. Our intelligence agency is now able to monitor everyone, everywhere, at least within those kingdoms."

"Good," Pyrrha said with a nod. "And the interlopers in Mistral and Vacuo?"

"We're working on them," Pyrrha said. "Thankfully, your friends have proven to be quite effective."

"The power of love truly is a wonderful thing," Pyrrha said with a wistful sigh. "My love for Jaune is so great that it grants strength to my allies, too."
Penny scratched her head. "Well, truthfully, I think it's just plot armor, but then again, I may just need to be reprogrammed – it's been a few days, and I can feel the propaganda wearing off."

Pyrrha waved her off. "You may report for reconditioning, Penny. I look forward to seeing you return to service."

Penny saluted once more, and then took off. Jaune watched her go, perplexed. But he barely even had time to catch his breath before another woman came up to Pyrrha, this one decidedly less than human.

"Ah, Salem," Pyrrha said. "How goes the subjugation of Mantle?"

"They are resisting, my lord," Salem reported. "My Grimm are making an effort, but we need more time."

"Hm… perhaps I should motivate you some more."

Salem paled, which was quite impressive given how pale she already was. Hurriedly, she shook her head. "N-not to worry, my lord – I shall see if I can't expend a bit more energy to create another Grimm Wyvern. I'd like to see them take that one down."

"See to it that you do," Pyrrha said. "Now, get out of my sight."

Salem nodded, then disappeared in a sudden cloud of inky-black magic. Jaune watched her go, a chill going down his spine as he did. He swallowed nervously, then looked back towards Pyrrha.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"Oh, that's Salem," Pyrrha said. "She's the queen of all Grimm, and the most ancient evil in all of Remnant."

"Uh-huh… and why is she afraid of you?"

"Good question," Pyrrha said with a grin. "I'll give you the short version – did you know that the human body contains trace amounts of metal in its system? And that with enough focus and control, my semblance can effect it? Because I sure didn't until a certain black-haired, yellow-eyed interloper attempted to get in the way of my love, and I discovered just how easy it was to tear somebody apart at the molecular level." Pyrrha sighed wistfully. "They had to scrape what was left of Cinder off of the walls when I was done with her. There was barely even enough left to fill a bucket. Ah, good times… but anyway, as it turns out, even immortals are terrified of agonizing pain if it's painful enough. Salem learned very quickly that it behooved her to listen to me, the same as the rest of Remnant. Needless to say, she soon ceased to be a problem and instead become quite the asset to my cause."

"Let me just get this straight," Jaune began. "So… you basically took over the world and turned it into a totalitarian hellhole, even enslaving the fucking queen of all evil… because you were afraid someone would try to get between us and ruin our relationship? Am I understanding you correctly?"

"That's about right," Pyrrha confirmed.

Well, that answered that question, he supposed. Of course, it raised another – namely, what the hell was he supposed to do now? Pyrrha had already claimed all of Remnant for herself, and had all but enslaved the population just to make sure the two of them were together forever. It was the most batshit insane, craziest fucking thing he'd ever heard of anyone doing, to the point where Pyrrha was now history's biggest undisputed absolute mad lass, save for maybe whoever was dumb and/or brave enough to piss off Glynda Goodwitch when she was on her period. This was indisputably the most ridiculous, most terrifying thing Jaune had ever experienced in his short life.

And if he was being honest, he was totally down for it. I mean, think about it – a hot girl like Pyrrha being totally obsessed with you, to the point of literally taking on the entire world? Come on, you would.

"Well, I suddenly care a lot less about this than I could have possibly imagined I ever would," Jaune announced.

Pyrrha's expression faltered. "Jaune?"

"Don't go taking that the wrong way, now," Jaune said. He reached out and took Pyrrha by the hand. "Pyrrha Nikos, my terrifyingly beautiful and also just straight-up terrifying yandere girlfriend, will you marry me? You're the crazy girlfriend I never knew I actually wanted until now."

Pyrrha stared at him in wide-eyed shock, though it only lasted for a brief fraction of second before she let out an excited squee and pulled him into a bone-crunching hug, and then a tender kiss.

"Oh, Jaune~" she said. "I know we've only been dating for a few weeks now, but you drive me absolutely crazy, in the best way possible. I'd love to be Missus Pyrrha Arc, and bear your seventeen children!"

"There's not a single part of that sentence that I don't love," Jaune said. "Come on, Pyrrha. Let's elope."

And with that, the happy couple walked off into the sunset, while the rest of Remnant continued its rapid decline into a police state straight out of every libertarian's worst nightmare.

But it's okay, because Pyrrha is worth it.

It's finally here, after literally years of people asking for it. And no, I didn't just delay it out of spite... I delayed it because I figured it was the final form of the Pyrrha-gets-no-respect-for-no-reason joke, which was amusing to me, so I waited to write it until we were very, very close to the end.

But it's not all bad, because Pyrrha finally wins. And man, when she wins, she wins, apparently. Like, for real, this might just be the hardest anyone's won in the entire fic, given that she both got Jaune and is taking over the world, and he's completely okay with it on top of all that. I guess you can consider this my apology to Pyrrha for treating her like garbage for no reason through this entire fic.

Anyway, I do have to bring up something important. I've mentioned to a couple of you that the Pyrrha chapter was going to be the canary in the coal mine for the end of this fic - that is to say, once the Pyrrha chapter comes out, we're close to the end. And I wasn't lying or exaggerating - we are very close to the end, as in, the next chapter is the end. I know several of you probably expected the Pyrrha chapter to be the end, but nope, there's one chapter left, and believe me, it will make sense when you see it. This thing was only ever going to end one way.

I'll see you all in two weeks for the finale of this fic. It's been a long time coming, but I'm excited to finally be here.

Final update: Sautrday, June 4.