Chapter Seventy Five - Love in the Dark
Henry began to stir from his sleepy state, his eyes softly flickering open as he came around with the morning sunlight. His hazed gaze fell on Elizabeth, a gentle smile falling to his lips as he watched her curled up into a ball on the chair beside the bed. She stayed all night. Henry began to slowly sit up, the aching muscles reminding him of yesterday's blast as he swung his legs out of bed.
His hand gently tapped on Elizabeth's knee, shaking her a little to try and wake her.
'Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Morning' his gruff morning voice filtered through her senses as she began to wake.
'Morning' she yawned as she stretched her arms above her neck, and let her stiffened legs stretch out from under her. 'Did you sleep well?' She smiled as her eyes cast over him.
'I did. Thank you' his voice was strong in sincerity as he struggled to suppress the urge to kiss her. 'You didn't have to stay there all night, you might be achy today' his natural caring side escaping him.
'I wanted to, in case you woke up, I didn't think it was fair that you'd be alone, in a strange bed' she pressed her lips together, the enormity of her simple words sinking in, strange bed amplifying their situation just that little bit more. 'I need to get ready for work' she sighed heavily as she looked down at her watch 'I forget I don't have an alarm in this room' she yawned again as she pulled back the throw and arched her back on standing.
'Make sure you come and get some breakfast' she grinned at Henry before leaving the room. Henry sighed inwardly to himself, his mind in overdrive as he tried to read her and understand what this new found path is for them, his thoughts constantly leading him to a dead end.
With a short sharp puff of air he rose to his feet and slowly started to get dressed in his lounge wear before heading downstairs to join the family for breakfast.
MS -
'Morning Dad, How are you feeling?' Alison asked, placing a bowl of cereal in front of him and joining him at the table.
'I feel ok thanks, just a little achy but nothing too bad' he smiled.
'Hey dad, we were having this conversation last night. In your opinion, what is one of the best cars around?' Jason asked as he slipped onto a seat at the table.
'Ugh not this again' Alison rolled her eyes
'Yes this because I don't want to talk about Hello Kitty or Kim K' he mocked her
'Alright you two that's enough, Jase I think I'd have to say a Mustang, a good classic ride. Why?' He asked
'Don't know, I was bored yesterday and I was thinking about the V8 model engine grandpa left you and the conversation just went from there' Jason shrugged 'Then this one talked about a Hello kitty car and we had an argument about what the best car is' he continued to explain
'Why have you always got to be disrespectful of the things I like?' Alison scoffed
'Same reason you're disrespectful to me about my political views, because you don't agree with them' He quipped
'No, that's just because yours are dumb, and would literally mean that Mom is without a job stupid!'
'Alright, Alright you two' Henry warned.
Unbeknown to them all Elizabeth was standing at the top of the stairs, watching the scene before her unfold. She felt her heart begin to thump against her chest wall, her teeth biting at her lips and her palms getting sweaty as her home looked complete once again, a normal day in the McCord household resumed. Except she could escape their truth, she had taken so long to learn and adjust that simply accepting anything less than reality was impossible for her. She inhaled deeply as her body twisted in knots, torn between needing her new reality to feel ok, but craving the scenes before her.
Her heels clicked against the wooden steps as she started to walk down into the kitchen. Henry stood instantly to greet her, smiling happily as she stood next to him.
'Morning Mom'
'Hey Mom, what do you think the best car is?' Jason asked, causing both Henry and Alison to roll their eyes.
'Dude, you're lame' Alison scoffed
'Oh I don't know, why?' She huffed, trying to dampen her anxiety as it continued to rise in her throat. Henry noticed the panic within her eyes. Instinctively he slipped a hand onto her lower back, caressing her skin with his thumb. Her breath hitched in her throat and the movement, suddenly feeling like all eyes were on her. She stepped forward and leant down to kiss Alison's forehead.
'Goodbye Noodle, have a good day' she smiled and looked across the table at Jason
'Behave you' she warned 'Oh and, probably a mustang' she shrugged
'Huh' Jason laughed at the irony of how in sync his parents were.
'You not having breakfast?' Henry called out, standing there hurt by her pulling away from him.
'Haven't got time sorry, I am needed at the white house. I'll try and be back earlier and fix up some dinner for us'
'By fix up you mean order in right?' Jason called out
'Yes' she laughed at him 'Have a good day, Oh and Henry' she paused, her eyes locking into his 'Please get some rest' her need to care for him always rising above everything else.
'We got it Mom, don't worry!' Alison reassured her. Elizabeth held Henry's gaze a little longer before peeling herself away and heading out of the family home, instantly inhaling deeply and filling her lungs with fresh air. Today is going to be a long day.
MS -
'Knock Knock' Henry's voice filtered through her home office door and wrapped around her like an old comforter, one that she was trying to cope without. Elizabeth instantly rubbed her temples, her mind had been plagued with thoughts of Henry all day, she wasn't so sure she was prepared for a visual of him.
'Are you ok?' He asked curiously, shutting the sliding doors behind him and walking a little more into the office.
'Yeah, Yeah fine, just tired' she inhaled and looked up at him, flashing her award winning fake smile, her fingers gently pointing to the chair, signalling it was ok for him to take a seat. Henry furrowed his brow as he looked at her, taking her offer and sitting down adjacent to her desk.
'How are you feeling?' She asked
'Fine, I didn't hear you come home?' He quizzed
'It wasn't long ago, about twenty minutes, I just snuck in here, I had things I needed to sort' she half lied, her eyes dipping away from him, not allowing him the opportunity to see through her, or so she thought.
'Why are you lying to me?' His gentle tone forced her eyes closed, her river of tears nearly bursting their banks at a simple act of kindness. 'You know you can still talk to me, I'm always in your corner Elizabeth' he reassured her.
Elizabeth sat at her desk, her fingers tapping against the soil oak as she contemplated lying to him once again, but she dug deeper and uprooted a moment of courage.
'I nearly had a panic attack, so I came in here to calm down' she confessed. His heart dropped and his body tenses, desperate to jump to his feet and grab her, protect her but he knew he couldn't.
'Im fine now, It was just a thing but it's over' she forced a smile
'Can I ask why you had one?'
'Pressure I think' she scrunched her face, still trying to figure all this out herself.
'Pressure?' He sought clarity.
'Here, all of us under one roof, you and me-' she huffed and leant back in the chair '- I don't really know, It's just…I feel confused about this' she pointed between them. 'I don't want you to leave I want to make sure you're ok, and I love Jase and Ali being back here, but it feels-' she trailed off, her chest twinging as she tried to find the words once again
'Feels strange?' He attempted to fill in the blanks
'Kind of I guess' she struggled to convert her thoughts. 'I am sorry I kissed you in the hospital, that was unfair and I think maybe adding to the confusion here too' she began to ramble, allowing her thoughts to untangle themselves
'It's ok, I know it was an emotional reaction, not necessarily a genuine one' he lied, hiding his own disappointment within his words. Elizabeth nodded slowly, her mind hazing as she tried hard to keep focus, she couldn't understand why she felt like she was strong enough to let him leave but weak enough to need him to stay.
'I was hurt when you pulled away this morning' he admitted
'I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you Henry but by you doing that I am getting confused. It took a lot to learn to live this life without you and now through no fault of your own you're back here and it's just a lot' she sighed running her hand through her hair.
'Would you rather I go back to the farm?' He asked gently
'No, No I don't want that'
'But I don't want to confuse you if I stay'
'You won't she tried to speak
'But you just said I was-'
'I know!' She hissed 'you can stay but I just think I need boundaries Henry' she groaned as her frustrations grew a little with him. 'I can't have you close to me Henry, it's too much to handle-'
"And what about what I want?' He pushed back
'I know what you want' she admitted flatly 'You still love me' she repeated his words, her eyes falling to his.
'You heard that?' His mouth ran dry, slightly embarrassed. Elizabeth nodded slowly. 'Wait, I said that before the accident, so you knew that was how I felt before you kissed me?' His anger began to stew
'Yes, and that is why I am sorry because Henry, I don't want to lead you on, I'm confused myself and I can't put you through that' her voice breaking as she tried to convey her message. Henry shook his head.
'I can't believe you knew' he muttered, silence filling the room.
'I wish I didn't' she mumbled but it was heard by Henry. 'It feels like we're oceans apart Henry, there is so much space and damage between us, I cannot carry on like everything is fine, just pretend like the fact you still love me makes all of this fine because it doesn't Henry, it makes it a hell of a lot worse' her words rolled off her tongue with force.
'And what about you?' He sniffed
'What about me?'
'Do you still love me? Because if you do then we have something to build on, if not-'
'Yes I do, I always will but-'
'No buts-'
'But Henry, I need to love you from a distance. All of this, everything that has happened between us and more, has changed me, I am not the person you were married to. Everything changed me' she repeated, her stomach twisting as she spoke, her heart thumping against her chest.
'Everything? Why do I feel like you're talking about more than just our relationship?' Elizabeth avoided eye contact with him as he dug deep. 'Does this have something to do with Datu and his broken nose? Don't think I've forgotten about that, I still want to know what happenedElizabeth.' His words more forceful than intended
'I told you, you don't have the security clearance anymore' she groaned
'Elizabeth-'
'No! Henry, just drop it, all of it, Me, Datu, everything, please' she panted as she rose to her feet. Henry watched her struggle in front of him, his head shaking in disappointment and anger as he looked at her.
'You expect me to just watch you like this and not help?' He snapped 'You're almost going into another panic attack Elizabeth!'
'So stop shouting at me then!' She panted, her chest getting tighter and tighter as her airways felt like they were about to close. Her heart pounded against her chest fast and faster as the air around her began to get thin. She grabbed her chest, almost trying to rip it open to breathe again.
'Elizabeth?' Henry stepped forward but there was no response, her eyes were glazed over and she continued to hyperventilate, before he knew it her eyes were rolling to the back of her head as her oxygen supply became low. She gripped at her desk as her feet gave way. Henry rushed her to her side and caught her as she collapsed into his arms.