Chapter Eighty Four - Drifting to Survive

Elizabeth stood in her bedroom, piles upon piles of screwed up and thrown clothes surrounding her feet as the suitcase lay empty on the bed. She couldn't help but feel there was a metaphor in there somewhere, she was the suitcase. She took a large step over a pile, her foot landing with a little force as she pulled yet another shirt from her wardrobe, held up in front of her and screwed up her face.

She screwed it up within her hands, throwing it onto the pile and repeating her actions, quitting her eyes as the knocking in her head became louder.

'For god sakes' she cursed as she discarded yet another item. She placed her hand on her forehead, her head tangled in a web of anxiety, with no clear escape. The knocking started to filter back into the room, her ears piqued as her gaze walked to the door, it was only then did she realise someone was knocking on the front door. With a loud groan she fumbled her way over her clothes and out her bedroom, rushing towards the front door.

'If that's you Russell Jackson, I swear to go- Henry?' Her face furrowed as she opened the door.

We need to talk now.'' He exhaled sharply, stepping into the house a little, feeling her eyes upon him.

'W, Urm, Hen-, What?' She stumbled over her words, her mind slipping into a haze as she shut the door behind him.

'Elizabeth we need to talk, none of this is ok. First, I need to know, Are you ok?' His tone softening towards the end, he inched closer to her and softened his face as he reached out for her, his hands rubbing at her forearms.

'I haven't got time for this, I need to pack. I'm flying to Cuba in the morning,' she groaned, her arms slipping from his hold, her head refusing to let her heart fall into him.

'This is serious' he warned her

'So am I, I need to pack and you know how bad at that I am' she flashed him a quick grin but he shook his head.

'It won't work, we are talking, once we've done that I'll help you pack if needed because yes, you are a terrible packer, but what you and I need to talk about is far more important. It comes first this time' he put his foot down, his tone firm as he glared down at her. Elizabeth looked away sheepishly, twisting her lips as she folded her arms.

'Are you ok?' He repeated, his voice as gentle as could be, 'That was a pretty intense panic attack earlier, if even physically, are you ok?' With every repetition his question becoming more desperate for an answer.

'Physically yes, just tired' she mumbled, her senses tingling in anticipation, there wasn't a single part of her that wanted this conversation now, or ever. She stood facing him, her arms folded and her face sullen, unable to offer him further into the home, knowing he would creep further into her heart the more she let her guard down.

'You didn't have to drive all the way here Henry' she voiced, a genuine thankfulness within her words 'I am ok, I just got stressed today' she ran her hand through her hair, instantly dismissing the severity of her breaking point at the farm.

'It's a little more than today's stress isn't it?' He raised an eyebrow at her, her eyes closing as his words hit her. 'Thought so'

'I came because I am concerned about you, that was like nothing I've ever seen from you before and Elizabeth we have been through some pretty stressful times over the years. Babe, If you keep pushing this aside, you're going to break down' he sighed heavily.

'Think I already did' she mumbled, her voice cold as all the emotion had already been drained, her eyes fixed to the back of the couch, her brain on autopilot as she accepted the truth.

'That's not just stress from one day' he repeated, pushing a little but she just shrugged in response. 'I think it might be a good idea if we get in contact with Dr Sherman again-'

'Oh here we go, why is it the moment I get emotional you want to ship me off to a shrink? Are my emotions too much for you?' She spat but Henry didn't bite. 'I don't need you to help me, there is no we in this' she scorned.

'Taking chunks out of me isn't going to help' he warned, trying not to take her swipes to the heart. She rolled her eyes, letting out a huge sigh of frustration. She moved her hand to pinch at the corner of her eyes as she squeezed them closed.

'There is a we, last weekend proved that. I am on your side Elizabeth-'

'Well, I don't want you there!' She snapped, her arms thrust at her sides as she pushed him further away than she had ever done before. Instant regret but her words had been spoken, she couldn't take them back now. Henry felt the knife drive through his heart, her words sharpening the blade.

'You don't mean that' he whispered, was it wishful thinking or the truth he questioned himself.

'No I do, this is all too much. Last weekend was a mistake, I know I asked you here Henry but I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have played with your feelings and my own like that.' She panted

'Mistake?' He gasped in shock, her words twisting the blade in his heart.

'Arrhh, for god sake' she groaned in frustration, rubbing her chest as twinges of tightenings niggled once again. 'Henry I feel like we're playing a game, a constant back and forth and It's just messy, I can't do it anymore, I refuse' she huffed with a shallow breathe, her eyes avoiding him, she knew she couldn't stand the sight of seeing him stood there broken.

'How can you say that? After everything we shared not just this weekend but over the years? How can you call our love a game' he bit back, his hurt refusing to show, choosing anger instead.

'You asked for this!' She shouted, her breathing getting heavier as she finally lifted her gaze to him. He stood there defeated, his eyes watering and his limbs hanging loose at the side of him, his anger unable to stick around, the hurt was too strong not to rear its head. 'You asked for this' she whispered this time. 'Our weekend together just confused me, not at the time but now, it's confusing now and-'

'This right here is confusing things for me' he admitted. She narrowed her eyes and swallowed hard.

'Im sorry Henry. I had to accept you wanting a divorce and I need you to accept this now, It's too messy for me. You're right, maybe I need to see Dr Sherman, or maybe I need a few spa days, or whatever, none of those details matter right now, but you, I need you to step away' she whispered, breaking her own heart with the requests of her mind.

'Ok, if that's what you need. I'll take a step back'

'No, I said away, not back Henry, I need you to step away from me, from my life. I can't have you in it and not be married to you simultaneously, it's impossible' she confessed. Henry stood speechless, his mouth running dry as he felt the despair in the pit of his stomach.

'The kids are old enough to contact me on their own, yes if there is an emergency that's different but, day to day, I can't have you in my life' she choked on her words, the flame that was lit no longer kept them warm, it burned their house down instead. Henry couldn't speak, his entire heart crumbled within the palm of her hands.

'Please go, you standing there full of hope is breaking my heart' she whispered, her tears spilling down her cheeks and watering her mouth. Henry sniffled and pressed his lips together as he slipped his hands into his pockets, walking a few small steps towards the door.

'You're wrong you know' he paused, his tearful eyes locking on hers, 'It's not me, not anymore, You're just breaking your own heart now.' He shook his head, his disappointment in her surfaced as he opened the door and closed it behind him.