Rhiannon: um... this fic bother me a week before I actually put fingers to keyboorad
Written with Swallowed in the Sea in mind.
Riku stared out into the long shoreline and closed his eyes. This was the thing he wanted more then anything else. The waves lapped roughly against the sand, the water the color of his eyes and the sand a gritty brown. He bent down and unlaced his shoes and pulled them off as well as his Invader Zim socks. His lucky socks. He folded them neatly and placed them inside his sneakers and made a silent prayer for Sora to be the one to find them. He was far back enough that the afternoon tide wouldn't catch them when it rolled in. He lifted his hands to the hem of his shirt, and slowly pulled it off. He was sure the baggy jeans would be enough to weigh him down.
He reached up and tugged the band off his silver hair and let it fall around his shoulders. What happened to me? He asked himself quietly and bit his swollen lower lip in frustration when his mind supplied no answer. He stretched his hands up above his head and slowly began to walk out towards the water. It was cool against his skin as opposed to the hot summer sun on his poor pale skin. He hadn't bothered with suntan lotion and he was already begin to pink with burn.
The water rose swiftly, or maybe he was just moving faster then he thought, the water was up to his waist and he closed his eyes and continued to step forward. Away from the island that he'd played on for so much of his life. He was leaving the people that he'd thought cared, that he'd worked so hard to save, even if it was in his own convoluted way. He couldn't help it. He was no Sora. He was about to be merely a statistic.
His hair floated around him in a halo and he gasped as water fluttered into his nose. He wasn't exactly prepared for that. Not that it mattered. He continued to walk forward as best he could until the water closed over his head and then sighed as he submitted to weightlessness, submitted to his own cowardly tendencies.
Get lost and then get found or swallowed in the sea
Sora had been walking along the beach with the intention of collecting a few seashells for Kairi so she could make a necklace for Selphie when he'd noticed the sneakers. He'd thought it was just some kid going out to place when he noticed the Invader Zim socks peaking out of the tops. He lifted a tan hand to block out the sun as he looked for his friend, because he knew that there was no way that Riku would leave his beloved socks behind.
He spotted the ruffled t-shirt lying beside it and looked out towards the ocean. He was about to turn away when he spotted an odd, murky something floating out in the water. He studied for a split second before years of playing in the ocean told him what it was. Dirty gray streaked hair that usually, even when wet, gleamed like hidden treasure. He kicked off his sandals and tugged his t-shirt up over his head and ran towards the water, diving in and swimming towards his friend.
He wrapped his arms around him and kicked his feet up to the surface and held him closely. This close he could see Riku's closed eyes, his wetly clumped eyelashes. He looked almost peaceful in sleep and he kicked his feet pulling him backwards, towards land. He got him to the beach and laid him out; leaning over him, there was breath but barely, wet from the water in his lungs. He pressed his palms down over his stomach and pressed and pressed until Riku arched coughing up water.
The older boy rolled on his side and continued to puke up water until his stomach was empty and then continued to lay there. He felt so stupid lying here, thinking over his blotched suicide attempt. It had to be one of the regulars that was, unfortunately for him, his rescuer, no one else really frequented this particular island, that's why he'd chosen it.
"Ri…ku?" Sora's voice was soft, so soft and his voice was choked with tears and Riku wondered if puked up water could make quicksand.
Sora wrapped his hands around Riku's and squeezed them comfortingly. He leaned down in front of him and lay there watching him quietly, saying nothing. They had fallen in deep companionable silence. Sora wanted answers but he could relinquish that burning need if Riku would just be all right. Would just looked up at him and be the Riku that he knew.
"SORA!" An angry Kairi was marching up the beach, she was sweaty from rowing in anger and Sora idly realized that he was late.
"Just go." It was the first words that Riku had spoken to him and Sora was fairly sure that he was full of shit if he believed that Sora was just going to leave him here after he'd just attempted suicide he had another thing coming.
"I'm not leaving you. Not like this." He turned to Kairi and spoke franticly with the young girl and a tired Riku found that he didn't care as he closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep.
Riku was bored; he'd been bored out of his mind since two weeks ago when Sora had rescued him from himself. He had been taken to the hospital and assigned a therapist. He had no idea what medicine he was on, but he'd hit some incredible Selphie like high for an hour or two before he hit some huge depression low. Now, unfortunately, he was alone and the days were stretching longer and longer. He whimpered as he realized that he was coming down with dry mouth.
He had been hit with a long spell of lethargy. His hair was growing longer and longer. It seemed to be the only thing he noticed. Sora's visits were getting less and less and then as he figured they would. They just stopped. Which was odd, because it wasn't like Sora. For some reason the thought didn't even phase him. Every since they got back, things had been different. And the different hadn't been a good one.
Riku had lost all his friends. His mother had just left one day. They'd heard no word from her and his father… his father had lost himself in the woman at his office. Though he tired to be discreet about it, Riku had noticed. His parents had gone on with their lives in this odd way. They didn't really need or want or care about Riku anymore.
Another month past by and he noticed with a passing idleness that his hair was now down to his waist, long and dirty. A sort of dishwater gray had come and replaced the burnished silver that he had once been so proud of. His oceanic eyes had dulled and he had thought, more then once about returning to the island and maker his long trek into the ocean again.
But lately, his mind had been whispering of other alternatives. There was always the door. Riku had realized that he didn't want to die, because as long as he was alive there was a chance that he could see Sora again. He could go to Radiant Garden; he knew that Sora would one day want to visit Leon again. He and the stoic gunblade were almost like brothers they were so close.
"Riku." He looked up at the opening door and saw his father standing there a sad look on his face.
"Yeah…" Riku found that he really wanted to go to sleep.
"I know that you're still very depressed about what happened to your mother but… son…" He walked over and sat on the bed and looked down at his hands.
Riku had never really looked much like his father other then their shared aqua eyes. He closed his eyes and tuned his father out. He'd made up his mind, tomorrow he was leaving. Be it by death or through the door.
Riku sat back on his knees and stared into the whole that had once amused him as a child. It all ends here. He crawled forward into the dark space and stood up once fully inside. The interior was larger then he remembered, he would have thought at the height he was now that he couldn't have fully stood up. He walked forward slowly and approached the door.
"Riku! No!" He turned around to see Sora staring at him firmly, Sora who had never visited him. Sora who didn't care.
"What do you want?" He asked quietly, defeated. His hair was so long now; it hung around him like a curtain of burnished silver in the soft light. He'd hadn't taken his medicine this morning and felt so alert. Understood how accurately he smelled.
"I can't let you go through that door. There are still heartless out there, I can't let you invite them into this world where no one are prepared to fight them." Riku clenched his hands. How dare he!
"I am leaving Sora. This is the last time that you will stop me. I'll either be leaving through that door or I will go walk out into that ocean. But I will not, I repeat will not stay in this place. I can't." He looked up at his friend for the first time since he entered, looked at him for the first time in almost two months.
"What about me?" Sora's voice was soft and Riku closed his eyes. Sora didn't understand.
"I can't do this Sora! They have me on these fucking pills that keep me from feeling anything!" Riku could feel tears welling up in his eyes but he clenched his fists and plunged on. "Maybe this world makes you happy but I can't stand it! My mother just up and leaves! My father has no time for me! And that stupid bitch he's dating! I didn't suffer through the darkness for this!"
"Riku…" Sora was looking at him anymore but down at his feet. "Who are you Riku?"
"That's what I'd sure as hell like to know." He crossed his arms and sucked a deep breath in an attempt to hold off his tears. "Tell me what you choose Sora."
"You can't ask me to choose between you leaving me and you dying!" He cried stepping forward.
"Does it matter?"
"Of course it matters!" Sora grabbed his stomach, a queasy look on his face. "You matter to me!"
Riku resisted his urge to laugh bitterly at that sentiment because he knew Sora cared. Sora cared about everyone. He'd do anything to make them happy, it was just the way he was. It was what had made him a better keyblade master then him. He shook his head firmly and turned towards the door.
"It doesn't." Retching reached his ears and he flinched before turning around. Sora was coughing up some thick, brown pile. He watched him, hands clenched at his sides to keep himself from moving forward.
"Please… Riku… I didn't search all this time for you… just for you to leave me. Please." He whispered from his position on his hands and knees, it was too much like he was begging for the silver haired teen to be comfortable with it.
"You could come with me." He crossed his arms uncomfortably.
"And what about Kairi? And my mom and dad?"
"See! And that's why I have to do this alone. There are people who love you here! Who will miss you!"
"And what about you!" Sora's eyes glared up at him. "What about the people who will miss you!"
"Miss me?" At that Riku did laugh, he laughed so long and so hard that it bordered on hysterical, bent over with his hands on his knees. "I was lying in my room barely existing on drugs and not a damn one of them visited me. Even you stopped. Why are you even here now!"
"I… the door was calling me… warning me." He bit his lip and stared at the ground. "I… I don't—"
"Save it." Riku waved his hand in the air, brushing the topic away. "I'm going home. I'll just take my medicine and stop feeling for a while… or maybe I'll just down the whole bottle and see what happens."
"Riku!" He grasped and a hand wrapped around the older boy's wrist.
Riku paused and stared down at it. This was the first time that someone had touched him in over a month. Since Sora's visits stopped. He closed his eyes and reached a hand back and wrapped it around Sora's.
"I'm just going home. I promise." He gave him a thin smile and Sora nodded.
"I'll visit you tomorrow."
Riku nodded but he knew that his friend was lying, even if he didn't know it himself.
Riku stood on the beach looking out into the waves. He bent down and took off his shoes and socks. He stood up and removed his t-shirt and slowly approached the waves. He walked forward until the cool water came up to his waist and then he dove in and swam, his powerful legs propelling him farther and farther. He swam out to the sand bar and then looked out into the vast ocean. Here, at the farthest point of the bar, he seemed so far from land.
Riku laid back and let himself float along the water watching the lazy sun go by. His heart trembled with in his chest at how easy it would be to flip back on his back and swim and swim until he was so tired that he couldn't make it back. But he knew that then Sora's radar would go off and that his friend would somehow appear and save him.
He was about to swim back to shore when he saw a boat coming towards him. He moved to wading and spotted the telltale auburn hair of Kairi and would have dived if she hadn't called out to him. The last person he wanted to see was her, but it looked like he had no choice.
"Hey." He spoke quietly and she smiled at him sweetly.
"I haven't seen you in a long time." She told him and he nodded.
"I've been laid up… that's all." He didn't like the darkness he could feel emanating from her.
"Stay away from Sora." She spoke turning to row away.
He stared after her in confusion but shook it off. Obviously, Sora hadn't told her about the things he'd been attempting to do. He wasn't looking for Sora, Sora was coming to him.
Oh what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Riku stood on the beach at the direct midpoint between the water and the secret place. If he went to the door, Sora would come… if he went into the ocean there was a chance that Sora might not come and that he would just sink and rest beneath the waves.
He took a tentative step towards the water and then another and another. Sora was happy here, it was him that was the problem. Why torture Sora any longer. This time he approached the water, shoes and all. He walked out as far as he could and then he swam beyond the sand bar and once beyond that he closed his eyes and let himself sink.
Oh what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see.
Riku lazily blinked his eyes open and stared up at the ceiling he didn't recognize. A hand, warm and moist was wrapped around his and he slowly turned his head and saw Sora lying beside him asleep. He wondered where he was idly but felt too lazy to think and closed his eyes again.
"You're in Radiant Garden." A voice spoke and he opened his eyes again to see Leon sitting in the corner, a book tittering on the edge of his lap.
"How the hell did I get here?" He asked quietly.
"Sora opened the door." Leon sighed deeply and then removed the book from his lap and stood up.
"Why?" His voice was thick and raspy, he wondered how long he had been out.
"Apparently Kairi had made some kind of alternate Destiny Islands… And destroyed the real place in case you're wondering." He looked away and swallowed hard. "He found out through Roxas."
"So… our home… is really gone this time?" He asked quietly.
"Yes… Sora… locked her away in her world. He thinks that your adventures drove her insane."
"He did it because he didn't want me to die." Riku closed his eyes. "When you're young… you think your in Neverland… Especially when you lived where we did. Our island was our Never Neverland and I thought… I thought I would never see the day when Sora and I grew up."
"And then the heartless came. And then Xehanort and Ansem and Xemnas… the nobodies… Organization Thirteen…"
"I know." Leon petted the top of his head awkwardly. "Sora should wake up soon. He's been by your side all this time."
It was only a few minutes before Sora began to stir and Riku watched as his sleep smoothed face crease with the pains of the waking world until those sky colored eyes slowly open and brightened with happiness.
"You're awake!" He enthused but Riku could still see the darkness that Kairi had marked him with, something that he thought could never truly happen. Or maybe the darkness had gotten him and Riku had never noticed.
"I am."
"You should by now Riku… That you are my best friend… I could never let you leave." Riku didn't know whether to feel special by those words or feel creeped out. "I'm so sorry about everything that happened in that alternate Destiny Islands. I'll never leave you again."
Riku nodded absently and Sora squeezed his hand and smiled brightly at him and the silver haired teen felt his heart sink. Kairi had obviously given some of her darkness to the innocent boy. Maybe with Roxas' help, he could help him. After all, Sora hadn't let the sea swallow him. Or maybe gain darkness was all apart of growing up, because Neverland lies…
Get lost and then get found and you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea