Chapter 37: Not People
They headed from the Garrison base straight to the only larger restaurant in Shiganshina, treating Ayad—and themselves—to dinner.
Nora had asked to instead go ahead to the Survey Corps base on her own, but Hange would have none of it, never mind that the food would be wasted on her; with her non-existent appetite, a small serving of some random mess hall meal would have done the job just fine. Except for cabbage, maybe.
Plus, Niccolo worked here, when he was in town. And Sasha had mentioned only yesterday that he'd been gone for two days. She had seemed saddened and relieved at the same time; from what Nora had gathered, Niccolo kept bringing Sasha the occasional snack while barely saying a word to her. Compared to that, the dynamic between Nora and Levi was outright normal. Kind of. Almost.
At any rate, she wasn't keen on meeting Niccolo, should he happen to leave the kitchen during her visit. She could only hope he would ignore her. That had worked nicely for both of them, so far, disregarding the most hateful looks she had ever been blessed with.
The moment the food arrived, the small talk between Hange and Ayad ceased. No more exchanges about the weather in Paradis, or the structure of the Walls and towns, or things they had or did not have here (as far as food went, no coffee and an unfortunate lack of chocolate other than the occasional import from Hizuru). "You figured it out," Ayad said after taking a bite, beaming at his plate. "The way to a man's research is through his stomach."
The not-quite-underfed man looked so happy and appreciative of the food that Nora didn't even feel like making a snide comment, as Levi probably would have.
Maybe she simply wasn't in the mood.
To be fair, the food was excellent, so much so that she managed to eat more than she would have thought. Apparently, she had forgotten just how delicious Niccolo's food tasted, no matter how much he hated her guts. The venison she had ordered was the tenderest she had ever eaten, the sauce a perfect mix between creamy and spicy. As a side dish, she had something she could only describe as fancy dumplings. She'd had no idea dumplings could be fancy.
Nora used the time between the main course and the dessert to visit the restroom.
Big mistake.
When she got out, Niccolo was waiting for her in the short corridor. He must have spotted her through the glass panel of the kitchen door. Arms firmly crossed, his expression was a mask of controlled hate.
Splendid. Just what she needed after today. Why would he confront her now, when they'd run across each other several times at the harbour, always making sure to change direction upon discovery?
Only one way to find out: grit her teeth and get this over with. For his sake, she hoped he had a different sort of confrontation in mind than last time. She gave him a furtive once over, failing to spot a gun. A bit paranoid, yes, but she couldn't prove Levi right and get shot. That would be embarrassing—provided she survived. Not to mention what might happen to the temperamental cook here. Levi was a man of his word, after all.
"Good evening," Nora sighed, and Niccolo seemed to take it as an open provocation.
Nostrils flaring, his eyes narrowed to slits. "You were with him, right? Sasha told me. Connie was under your command. This time, you weren't the one who dealt the death blow. Would you say that made a difference?"
This was already worse than Peter expressing his misgivings about her career and partner choices. Not worse than him expressing his concern about her wellbeing, though, strangely enough.
At least Niccolo got right to the point. Went straight for the kill, for the stab to the heart. Just like her. And just like her, he hadn't missed. "What's it to you?"
"I—" He suddenly didn't seem to know where to look. Then, his glare returned full force and focused on her once again. "Just answer my question."
"I'm inclined to say yes, it makes a difference, but I have the feeling that's not the answer you want to hear from me."
"And was his death just as for nothing as my brother's?" There was a tremor to his voice that she had managed to keep out of hers.
She thought of Hange's words, and of the annoying, clever man who was warming up to them, currently sitting with her in the other room. "It wasn't. Doesn't help Connie even the slightest bit, though." Of its own accord, Nora's right hand clasped her left upper arm, hard. Niccolo was glowering at the floor, silent.
She was fed up with this, anyway; two arguments on a single day were two too many. This situation was simple enough, really. "Look, you can hate me all you want—makes two of us—but it's clear you still have some sort of twisted crush on Sasha." His head snapped up and he gaped at her. Nora continued, "Drop that little hot-and-cold game you're playing with her, she's been through enough. Every time you bring her food, she gets her hopes up, only to be gutted when you give her the silent treatment. Either love her or hate her, but decide; it can't be both." Niccolo's entire face had gone beet-red, forehead and ears included. Luckily, he seemed too stunned to speak. By now, a tight knot had formed in Nora's throat, thinning her voice a little. "All she did back then was buy ice cream, you know. The rest was all your brother's and my doing." Her pulse thumping in her ears, she went to pass him, acting like she was confident he wouldn't attack. All the while, every single one of her muscles was ready to spur into action.
Niccolo did nothing. He was frozen in place, all tension gone from his body.
"Nora," he said when she was already past, in a weird voice. High and pressed.
Fuck, she had enough. This day really took the cake. She stopped, fists clenched, looking over her shoulder. "What else?" she asked, more forceful than intended. "I get it; I'm despicable, a literal monster."
"No, it's—don't—" Niccolo's eyes darted all over the place. He opened and closed his mouth, twice. Eventually, all he mumbled was, "Nothing. Enjoy the rest of your meal."
Now that was weird. Either an unexpected improvement, or he was planning to poison her. She decided he would have been more subtle if it were the latter, so the first option it was. It wouldn't get any better than this in her lifetime, that was for sure; she must have caught him off guard.
Nora left him there to join her two companions, wishing she could leave all thoughts of his brother and Connie behind her, too. All her fucking thoughts, really. Instead, they held her stomach in an iron grip. At this point of the day, she could barely discern all the different sources of the pain inside her.
No dessert for her, then, poisoned or not.
#
"You really didn't miss anything, by the way," said Hange once she and Nora sat in her office in the Shiganshina Survey Corps base. Ayad had been brought to a nice, guarded room. "They got along well enough. Pyxis was friendly as ever, asked his wily questions, and got wily, mostly evasive answers in return. I can only say I'd love to see a chess game between those two. I think he trusts Ayad about as much—or as little—as Yelena and the other Volunteers. As expected, he told Pyxis nothing he hasn't already told us. When it came to the prospect of his future assistance, he used the word 'collaboration' instead of 'cooperation'." Hange smiled indulgently, fiddling at her collar to remove the bolo tie—something Nora had done the moment they'd stepped out of the restaurant.
"I think we've been too nice to him. I did tell him he's our prisoner, right?"
"Don't worry," Hange said, directing that indulgent smile at her. "You haven't been too nice to him."
Nora decided she had nothing she wanted to add, there. "So, how are we going to proceed?"
"Just as we intended to; Pyxis gave his approval. We'll start negotiating with Ayad—not that we'll call it that, but really, that's what it always is. Give something they want and get something in return. And with someone like him, we'll have to repeat that again and again. Building trust on both sides, bit by bit."
Sounded like a drag, was a drag, yet still the most effective method in this case; Ayad wasn't exactly antagonistic, and using force wasn't the way to get reliable information, anyway. His capabilities were no joke, either. If they were, well, a little too assertive and made him do work for them, it might just get them killed. Considering what they needed him for, Ayad would be in an ideal position to do serious damage under the pretence of following their orders. Acting of his own volition, on the other hand, the contrary might be the case.
Nora slid down the back of her chair until she could prop her feet on the desk—a luxury she could only allow herself in Levi's absence. "So, the usual procedure it is, in other words. Except that that he won't just want the standard stuff Marleyan POWs get."
"That's for sure." Hange smiled as she tugged off her eyepatch. "But don't fret. I won't allow him to dissect you or Levi."
Nora's mouth stretched into a lopsided, wry grin. "Don't make promises you might not be able to keep." 'Dissect' might be a little over the top for the sake of the joke, but there was some truth to it. If it were essential, and if Ayad were to be trusted, Nora liked to think she would… contribute in any way, as long as the benefit outweighed the cost.
Then, there was Levi's blood. And Mikasa's. Nora had no intention of coercing her to do anything, but no matter what, Ayad would sure as hell not get to use Levi, at least not in a way that caused any damage. Under no circumstances would she let that happen. She regenerated. He didn't. The mere thought—especially while he was still recuperating from his severe injuries—made her skin crawl. Levi had more than enough scars already, inside and out.
"Enough about all that, sunshine," Hange said, as if she'd sensed where Nora's own dark joke had chased her thoughts. "We'll get into it once we've settled at the port, again—not the dissecting, I mean. Now that we're off duty, I wanted to ask…" She bent forward in a conspiratorial fashion, grabbing Nora's booted ankle on the table. "Was the man with Pyxis the Peter you mentioned, once—as in, your ex?" Hange's grin took on a shrewd quality as she read the obvious answer from Nora's face and continued, "Caught some vibes there. Also, he seems to be listening very intently when you talk. So polite."
Nora was decently certain that questioning her decisions and moderately insulting her boyfriend wasn't polite, but how about his unasked-for concern? Yes please, just go ahead and dredge up what I'm fighting so hard to block out. At least by day, she was somewhat successful—as long as no one insisted to fucking talk to her about it. Was she supposed to feel better when someone pointed out that she was a wreck? As if she didn't know.
Whatever she classified that not-so-pleasant exchange with Peter in his office as, it hadn't been as short and straightforward as the one with Niccolo, and therefore, headache-inducing. She hadn't expected that kind of conversation—the kind that would stick from start to finish—was even possible with Peter. Deciphering the convoluted mess of all those 'vibes' in their entirety exceeded Nora's capabilities, but some of the things he had said were clear enough even for her.
She hated to admit it, but Levi had, possibly, not been entirely wrong. While Peter had surely been living his best life no problem, it seemed he would not be opposed to rekindling… well, something not platonic with her, if Nora were so inclined. Except that she might finally have put an end to this with how pleasant she'd been earlier. Or not; Peter had always been far too patient, and all her biting sarcasm hadn't stopped him from calling Levi a lucky bastard. Now that she let herself reflect on this, it was hard not to laugh. It was funny on so many levels; Levi, a lucky bastard? And Levi, a lucky bastard because of her? Had everyone inside these fucking Walls lost their fucking marbles?
Other than him being pissed off—almost always a given—she could only guess what Levi's reactions to various parts of the conversation would be. Not that she planned on divulging to him in detail what Peter had discussed with her in private. She had made her stance on his concerns crystal-clear, and she was sick and tired of every single subject they had touched upon. Sick and tired of inflicting additional pain on herself by hashing and rehashing it. Better push today in some irrelevant back corner of her mind and act like nothing had happened after their discussion with Pyxis. It was done and dealt with.
"I didn't give off any vibes," Nora said, stating the obvious, just in case Hange was insinuating something.
Hange shook her head. "Not the same as him. Just your usual awkward-and-uncomfortable vibes, but enhanced."
"I'm not that awkward," Nora objected, but it sounded a little like a question.
"It's easier to see for people who know you well. You're awkward in a when-is-this-finally-over way."
She glowered. "And you are weird and overly comfortable." The comeback might be lame, but it was true nonetheless.
Judging by her grin and the lack of an objection, Hange took it as a compliment. "He's a hottie, by the way. I'd totally high-five past Nora if I could." Her expression turned all analytical, which was less than desired when Nora happened to be the object of Hange's attention. "Looks nothing like Levi, though. Seems to be nothing like Levi, overall."
Well, duh. Nora shrugged. "Levi isn't exactly conventional, as a whole."
"You don't really have a specific type, do you? Like me." Shaking Nora's boot once, Hange gave a suggestive wink with her cloudy eye.
For once, she wasn't quite right on the money. Nora adjusted the open collar of her shirt to distract herself from the warmth rising to her face. "It's more like I didn't know I have one." Literally one.
"Ah." And with that, mercifully, Hange dropped it with the tact she possessed but rarely bothered to use. "Has Levi ever met your ex? I'm sure he'd absolutely abhor him."
An involuntary grin tugged at Nora's lips. "He has, and he does."
"Aw, and I missed it! He must be so hilariously grouchy when he's jealous! Really; thanks to you, I've seen sides of him I never even knew existed. Just as fascinating as it's entertaining." Before Nora could decide if she wanted to follow up on that, Hange straightened in her seat with a nod, looking like a woman with a plan. Always dangerous. "I'll just have to casually mention your ex the next time we three have tea together. Which will be tomorrow afternoon, I suppose. Nice."
Sighing, Nora rubbed at her temples. She briefly considered talking her out of it, but aside from lacking the energy, she knew that look on Hange's face too well. Plus, it would be odd not to mention meeting Peter at all, and this way, at least, Nora wouldn't have to. Might as well let Hange have her fun.
"You do like living on the edge, don't you?"
The gleeful grin Nora received as an answer said everything.
#
"Guess who was also there."
Nora could only shake her head; Hange really lost no time. They had just finished discussing Pyxis and their "genius surgeon" and were still on their first cup of tea. It was hard to care much about conversational topics, though, when Nora felt like the moment they'd stepped over the threshold, a massive weight had fallen from her chest. Being able to breathe properly and just sit there and look at Levi—dark grey t-shirt, black trousers, blueish eye circles, overall perfection—took priority over Hange's shenanigans. Right now, Nora couldn't even give a single shit about the bandage.
Unhurried, he swallowed his last mouthful, putting down his empty cup on the bedside table. "There are over a million people on this island, four-eyes. I won't play a shitty guessing game with you."
"Peter!" Hange exclaimed, as if his answer was the curious inquiry she had been fishing for. "You know, Nora's colleague back from her Garrison days."
Not the slightest change was detectable in Levi's expression. He'd looked grumpy before and he looked grumpy now. "Really?" he said with polite interest. "Now isn't that pleasant." He narrowed his eyes at Nora. "How's he doing? Is he still nice? Still into pretty, little, sarcastic blondes?"
There it was. She rolled her eyes, all the while inwardly thanking him for being just irritating enough that her body did not react to the 'pretty'—on the outside, at least. A one-time, throwaway comment just like when he'd called her beautiful.
"Yes to both," Hange said, grinning mischievously. "Seems you two have at least one thing in common, Levi. He's considerably taller, though."
Nora watched the murder enter his steel-grey eyes. "You always know just what to say, Hange." Really, she was almost impressed by Hange's accuracy—and the sheer size of her balls.
"Levi, your face. It's the highlight of my day." Hange could barely contain her glee. "Although I don't exactly get the issue. You know that Nora only has eyes for you."
"Hange!" She slapped her traitorous friend's shoulder, almost spilling her own tea.
"Yeah, I know," Levi said, with a self-assuredness that should have been cocky and was, instead, matter-of-fact and entirely reasonable. "Doesn't mean I can't be a little annoyed when someone has so obviously the hots for the nutcase."
"Can you both stop talking like I'm not here?" Nora's cheeks were burning, never mind that any embarrassment about the matter could long since be considered superfluous and irrational.
"Don't worry," Hange said, continuing to ignore her, "they met under supervision, after all. He just happened to be taking a break with Pyxis."
"I don't care," Levi drawled, refilling his teacup. "Stop wasting our time and either talk about something useful or shut the hell up."
"Yes please," Nora muttered, avoiding eye contact with him.
"Fine. You guys are no fun." The look on Hange's face, however, still told a whole different story.
#
"You didn't deny it, this time," Levi said the moment Hange had left, in a casual manner that did not reflect in his sharp gaze.
"What?" Nora asked, apprehensive.
"That the ginger dipshit is still into you." He adjusted the pillow at his back, sitting up further, laying his elbow over one propped-up knee. "After all, you were so dense about it, it was almost funny." It did not sound like he was amused.
Nora's eyes had decided to fixate on the folded blanket on the tail end of the bed—yes, Levi neatly folded the blanket whenever he didn't use it, like the freak he was.
Peter's—let's call it nostalgia—hadn't been that obvious, had it? More a lucky guess. At any rate, now she couldn't just lie and not mention the reason for her lack of disagreement at all. "It's not relevant, but… 'the ginger dipshit'—" She cast her eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. "—asked to speak with me in private after the talk with Pyxis, and it kind of devolved into an argument. Well, at least I think it counts as one. Peter's just so docile. Not exactly what I'm used to." She threw Levi a pointed glance.
They went quiet for a while. For now, Nora had enough of talking anyway, and more than enough of the subject. Finally, she had truly arrived here again, and she could leave behind this whole—
"That's it, brat?" Levi asked all of a sudden, glaring. "What did he say to you?" His domineering voice was laced with impatience.
Indignation bolted through her chest. It was typical; he could perfectly well give her the space not to share everything and grant her the privacy of her thoughts—right up until the moment he couldn't read them from her bloody face. "Stop being so demanding," she bristled. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? And I don't have to. I don't have to report back to you each time I have a conversation with someone."
For an instant, it seemed like he was about to respond, but then his glare skittered away from her face—and did he look caught? "Fine, then leave it be." Shrugging, he mumbled, "I'd just rather know what's what."
Her anger deflated. Stupid man, giving her a twinge of guilt while still being a proper grouch. He was lucky that he, himself, was so blunt; otherwise she wouldn't be caving right now. A little.
"There's nothing much to know that you don't already know. He expressed his concern about me, I was uncomfortable, thought he went a little too far and got… defensive. Then I walked away." The sparse summary was all she could give while maintaining some distance to how that 'too far' had made her feel. And the other things discussed. Her thoughts snagged on the end of the confrontation, what she'd said to a person like Peter. "I'm not sure he'll talk to me the next time we meet, so you can be glad, really," she said to her knees.
"Well, I'm not."
She looked up. "Why?"
Levi leaned closer, reaching out, softly flicking her forehead. "Because you obviously aren't, idiot."
Her stomach warmed a little. "It's fine. I just don't like arguing with people. And I don't like talking to them anyway."
"You talk and argue with me all day long."
"You know that's different. You aren't people," she said without thinking.
He cocked his head at her, eyes trailing to her lips and back up. "You aren't people, either," he murmured in a delectably deep timbre that only warmed her up further. "Never been. You're something way worse."
"And what's that?" she whispered, burning to hear whatever creative insult he'd come up with.
"That's easy," he said. "You're Nora."
The name rolled off his tongue like a caress. Like a confession. As far from an insult as it got.
She had never liked her name better.
AN: I don't like taking longer to update, but life and my brain decided to be Colossal arseholes. Thus, I was and still am incredibly busy surviving. Hope those of you who've been waiting are still there and haven't forgotten what's been happening in this long-arse story. I'd understand lol. I often go back so I hopefully don't fuck up.