I'm going off to a LOTR festival for the weekend, and then going on a biology field trip as soon as I get back (examining different kinds of seaweed – ooh, FUN) so there won't be any updates for a week at least. Thank you for all the nagging, it's extremely motivational.
Chapter 5
In the Shire, the sun set in a satisfied kind of way. The pinky-gold light shone off the windows of Bag End, and as the sun sank below the horizon, the glow slid off them in a reluctant kind of laziness, as though it was enjoying itself perfectly well where it was and didn't want to leave.
A warm silence hung over Hobbiton. The last of the summer haze hung in the streets, giving everyone a pleasant, happy, drowsy feeling. It seemed as though it would be a peaceful night.
Appearances can be deceiving.
Frodo Baggins was sitting in his living room, feet up on a stool, reading a recent letter from Bilbo, when the stillness inside the room was shattered by three, sharp knocks on the front door.
Frodo sat up sharply and stared at the door. In his experience, sharp unexpected knocks on the door didn't lead to anything good. He hesitated, but his Baggins politeness combined with Tookish curiosity encouraged him to get to his feet and go tentatively over to the door.
He pulled it open to find Darth Vader on his doorstep, with his hand raised as though he had just been about to knock again. "Oh," said Darth Vader in surprise, "So you were just slow answering the door… I see."
There was a moment of awkwardness, as Frodo struggled with his two conflicting sides. The Baggins side wanted to ask, "Who are you?" while the Took side wanted to ask roughly the same, except not put so politely.
The threatening demeanour of his guest prompted him to use the Baggins approach. "May I help you?" he asked.
"Are you Frodo Baggins?" asked Darth Vader.
"Yeees…" replied Frodo slowly, and wondered why his mind started yelling, 'IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!' at him.
He was answered when Darth Vader strode through the door with one impressive stride, and in the same movement, grabbed Frodo's collar and hoisted him into the air until his face was directly opposite his own black mask. The breathing sounded alarmingly close from there.
"It would appear, Master Baggins," said Darth Vader slowly, "That you've been causing us a bit of trouble…"
-
Aragorn was stalking through the woods near to Bree in a way that Rangers have perfected. Rangers don't walk anywhere – they always stride purposefully, even if there only purpose is to get up and get a snack.
He didn't really have any purpose today. The hobbits weren't due to turn up for a couple of weeks. He just felt like a good stalk.
However, it was interrupted by a beeping noise in his pocket. It took a moment to get out of Story Aragorn mode and remember that it was the emergency transmitter – the small phone given to all the major canon characters lest they all needed to be contacted at once, and beacons or messengers just weren't fast enough.
Aragorn frowned as he took it out. What was so important to break canon?
"Ahoy hoy?"
"Aragorn?"
It was Elrond. Uh-oh. Had he found out what he and Arwen had really been doing when they said she was teaching him Eregion history?
"Er, yes?"
"I'm calling a council. You need to come to Rivendell immediately."
"Oh. All right. Wouldn't you normally tell me through a messenger though?"
"Yes, but I needed to warn you as well. As you know, the NERD review is coming up, and with the films released we have a real chance to get more funding this year…"
"Oh yes," said Aragorn, and mused, "We could get Rivendell redecorated."
"What's wrong with Rivendell?"
"Nothing, nothing," said Aragorn hurriedly, "You were saying?"
"I know some say my tastes are feminine, but I think all the open balconies and mouldings really add atmosphere," Elrond said in wounded tones.
"Yes, Elrond, I couldn't agree more," soothed Aragorn, "What were you saying about the NERD review?"
"Oh. Yes. Well, some other fandoms aren't too happy about us stealing their fans. Star Wars, in particular. We're a bit worried about sabotage. I haven't been able to get in contact with Frodo, and you're nearly as popular as him… keep your eyes open."
"Got it," said Aragorn, "What about Legolas?"
"He's already on his way from Mirkwood. He ought to be all right."
"Faramir? Boromir? The other hobbits?"
"All other characters are accounted for. It's just Frodo, and that random elf from the Council all those girls seem to like."
"Oh yeah… who was he again?"
"Work experience elf."
"Ah."
"So just get to Rivendell as fast as you can. We can formulate a counter-attack strategy once everyone's here."
"See you soon, Elrond." Aragorn closed the transmitter and slipped it back into his pocket.
Well, at least he had a purpose for stalking now. He immediately turned east and set off to Rivendell.
He had barely gone a few steps when his Ranger senses told him someone was nearby. Maybe it was the slight change in the air; maybe it was the faint rustling of leaves; or maybe it was the fact that a man had just stumbled onto the path a few feet in front of him.
"Why are there so many damn trees here?" he was cursing and scrambling to his feet.
"It's a forest, Han, generally there are trees here," said a woman who stepped out of the trees next to him. She was closely followed by another man, who seemed to be trying to suppress a smile.
The three of them saw him at once, and immediately blocked the path in front of him. "Aragorn, I presume?" said the second man.
"Errrrr," said Aragorn, "Yes."
"I'm hotter than him," said the first man disparagingly.
"Oh, I don't know," said the woman, raising an eyebrow at Aragorn, sounding interested, "He has a certain rugged manliness to him which is appealing…"
The first man stared at her in shocked silence. The second man, meanwhile, said, "You probably don't know us. My name is Luke Skywalker, and this is Leia Organa and Han Solo."
"Star Wars," breathed Aragorn, and immediately drew Anduril. He suddenly remembered it was still broken in half. Damn canon laws.
Han suppressed a snort. "I wouldn't bother with that," said Luke, "My sword's far better."
"What do you want?" demanded Aragorn.
"Oh, nothing much," said Luke airily, "I hope you understand that this is nothing personal."
"Not for you, maybe," grumbled Han, "Some of us have 'Number one Dashing Rogue' titles to uphold."
Aragorn looked at all three of them. "What do you-"
Leia shot him with her blaster.
-
SlashyKitty – No, it's not Gandalf… try again. And what are your books like?
Ebon Oleander Wenham – Snape does make an appearance later – check the bits already put up on Wofflepuds. Only briefly, but he will make a bigger appearance later, I hope. I have no idea who'll actually win in the end… I'll try to check out your story when I get back, 'kay?
Precioussss – EEP! cowers from the THREATENING
Thomasio – Thanks very much! The recipe is very simple – just imagine a brownie on the computer screen in front of you, reach out and take it, and imagine eating it. Mmm-mmm good. …. Well, that's the temporary recipe until I figure out Wonka's secret of sending stuff by television.
Mousewolf – I think Harry has every reason to be paranoid, though… he does have the greatest Dark Wizard the world has ever known out to kill him… I think everyone would become a little bit jittery.
xPussyWillowKittenx – Yes. Professor Rumansa. Why, are you assuming he's someone else? innocent look
writeR – is hassled Ouch. Good job.