Sorry this chapter is a bit short, but a) I'm very busy again (dammit!) with Latin and English essays and b) I'm rapidly running out of chapters. In fact, I only have one left. I will get writing, though, as soon as my essays are done. And I won't be able to update for the next week, because I'm going to New York with my mum to shop, see Spamalot and Wicked, and various other things. glee Hope to see you when I get back!
Chapter 12
For a short time after Obi-Wan, Anakin, Padme, Yoda and various other characters had left the Prequel Trilogy, the remaining people had been at a bit of a loss as to what to do. When a story's plot continuum is interrupted – for example, by most of the main characters leaving – the story tries to continue, dithers a bit, and then goes and crawls under a rock until someone sorts it out.
That someone, in this case, happened to be a certain Ranger and Elf, out for revenge. And they were only keen on tempting the story out from under the rock so that they could kick it about a bit.
Sadly, the poor unsuspecting story didn't know this. So when two young men turned up at the Jedi Temple, pronouncing themselves as Jedi from the Planet Gondwood, it eagerly leapt upon them and welcomed them with a large hug. It noticed they weren't from around there, of course, but it was just so happy to have some protagonists that it didn't tell anyone else.
So, shortly after their arrival, Aragorn and Legolas were dressed in Jedi robes, and sitting in Obi-Wan and Yoda's seats on the Jedi Council – and no-one paid much attention.
Except Mace Windu. He had never been bound too tightly by the plot – allowed to have a purple lightsaber, given the freedom to 'defeat' the most powerful Sith of the time when even Yoda was defeated later on (this was a phenomenon discussed in whispers in the corners of the Jedi Temple, but blamed on the Force, as everything was) – and so had the better ability to see it for what it was.
So he was, understandably, a little suspicious of these two strangers, calling themselves Aragolas and Legorn, who had appeared from nowhere and seemed intent on 'changing a few things'.
"We think Jar-Jar Binks should be made head of the Jedi Council," said Aragolas perfectly seriously.
Before Mace Windu could comment, Legorn immediately proclaimed, "I agree with Aragolas! Jar-Jar Binks has untapped potential in the Force. He must be a Jedi."
Mace Windu stared from the ranger to the elf. "Put… that Gungan… more into the public eye? He was only in Episode 2 for a few minutes, and people still hated him! We had to gag him throughout Episode 3!"
"I think the public just need to see Jar-Jar more," said Legorn, "They'll grow to love him."
"We also ought to make Anakin turn good right at the end of Episode 3," said Aragolas before Mace could protest, "The people in the Watching Dimensions won't want their hero suddenly turning dark, brooding and angsty at the end. He ought to stay devoted to Padme and firmly on the side of good!"
"But… what about him becoming Darth Vader?" said Mace Windu weakly.
Aragolas and Legorn looked at each other. "Hmmm," observed Legorn.
"Hmmm," agreed Aragolas.
"Hmmmm," concurred the rest of the Jedi council.
"I don't suppose we could change episodes 4-6?" wondered Aragolas, "Stop them being the rebels trying to defeat the Empire, and instead have it be the story of Anakin, having overcome the Dark Side, spending many happy years in peace and prosperity with little Luke and Leia? Perhaps going on treasure hunts, or pod racing maybe?"
Before Mace Windu could collapse in shock, another Jedi said apologetically, "I'm sorry, Master Aragolas, but that would be too much strain on the plot. It could completely disintegrate, and we have no idea what effect that could have. We already have enough plot holes littering the Galaxy…"
Aragolas raised an eyebrow. "Ohh, really?"
"Oh yes. Some quite large ones, actually-"
"Although," interrupted Mace Windu, "precise information on them is restricted to major characters."
The rest of the Jedi council looked confused, as though not sure why Aragolas and Legorn were excluded from this category. Mace Windu, with sinking heart, noticed the tell-tale signs of something being accepted into the plotline, even though they didn't have much purpose there – he'd seen it before with Jar-Jar Binks, who had accidentally wandered in from somewhere extremely odd, but had been accepted before anyone could say, "What's with your voice?"
And, if this was anything like Jar-Jar Binks, this was not a good thing.
"So we can't make too big a change," said Aragolas thoughtfully, "Hmmmm."
"Hmmm," agreed Legorn, "Hmmm… Maybe Anakin could have an evil twin?"
"That could work," said Aragolas, stroking his beard, "And when Anakin remains on the side of good, and triumphs against the Dark Side…"
"… we can put in Anakin's evil twin being Darth Vader at the last minute!" finished Legorn, "Genius!"
"And we can fit in more of a love story with him and Padme, too! Everyone loves shots of them frolicking," said Aragolas, beaming, "We'd have to find someone to pretend to be Anakin's evil twin, though…"
Mace Windu slumped back in his seat as all the other Jedi masters joined in debating who could fill the role, and suggested having auditions. For that moment, he was exactly like all the other characters in Star Wars, and fitted into the plot perfectly.
He had a very, very bad feeling about this…
As the Sonic the Hedgehog tournament entered its eighth consecutive hour, and the elves rang out for Lembas pizza for the fourth time, Elrond realized it was time to take matters into his own hands.
Of course, he didn't know that members of his fandom were already taking action. He didn't know that Aragorn and Legolas were currently trying to make Star Wars implode on itself, or that the hobbits were sailing (badly) straight towards the Caribbean – to him, all hopes for the future of Middle-earth or having the west wing of Rivendell renovated depended on whether Leiagorn continued to beat Faramir hands down at Sonic.
It was time, he decided, to send people to the Watching Dimensions.
But the problem was, no-one was left. All the main characters were either MIA or attacking Robotnik's latest ship with a two-tailed fox while stuffing themselves with cheesy Lembas bread.
He considered contacting Sauron to ask for help, but then, on reflection, decided that Ringwraiths weren't the best people to send to convince people to like them. To inspire terror into the hearts of men, certainly, but marketing? Not so good.
"DAMN BUG THINGS!" he heard Faramir bellow.
"Oh look," observed Leiagorn, "I've beaten you. Again. Is it a sickness you have, or something?"
"It's those damn bug things!" moaned Faramir, throwing down the handset, "They keep popping out of nowhere."
"Aww, schnookie," said Leiagorn with a grin, ruffling his hair, and then waving the handset. "Any challengers?"
There was an awkward silence as everyone looked at each other. "None at all?" said Leiagorn, "Well, then…"
"I'll take that challenge," said a voice from the back of the room. All turned their heads to see Arwen, who stepped forward to the handset with a look on her face that suggested if this were a real battle, instead of a computer game, her opponent was due for serious pain.
Leiagorn's eyes narrowed. "Arwen…"
"That's Arwen?" said Aragorn incredulously, "Bloody hell, she's HOT!"
Arwen and Leiagorn both shot him murderous glares. Aragorn swiftly looked over his shoulder and said in an innocent voice, "Who said that?"
"Nice try," said Arwen and Leiagorn, and immediately turned back to look at each other.
"So you're this fandom's tough brunette princess who the rugged hero falls in love with," said Leiagorn, eyes narrowing.
"Er," said Arwen, raising an eyebrow, "Yes, yes I am. Got a problem with that?"
"No, actually," said Leiagorn, abruptly switching to a sunny smile, "Because a fair few fans of Lord of the Rings hate you. But I – I mean, Princess Leia - is beloved by all Star Wars fans."
"Princess Leia?" said Arwen disbelievingly, "It's only because she got into a gold bikini. I got fans without having to strip off."
There was a funny crunching noise from the handset in Leiagorn's hands. "No," said Leiagorn, "I suppose you didn't. You only had to completely twist the plot so that you got screentime and act completely out of character."
Arwen's eyes narrowed also. Most of the people in the room held their breath nervously. Aragorn's eyes went from the elf to the ranger as if he could scarcely believe his luck.
Arwen took a deep breath. "Let's play," she said.
Elrond decided this was time to make an abrupt exit. He walked away along the balcony, looking down at the waterfall. What Leiagorn had said had given him an idea. When he had sent out the invitations to the Council, he had concentrated mainly on characters made famous by the films.
But what about the forgotten book characters?... He pulled out his phone and dialled in a number. At the same time, he waved over a passing elf.
"Excuse me, Erestor – could you go and fetch my sons for me?"
-
Pointy Ears Are My Thing – Ahhh. That would explain a lot. There are currently investigations going on into just what Yoda Pop is made from…
Ebon Oleander Wenham – Hmmmm… I'm sure I could fit them in somewhere… (grin)
Mousewolf – Ah, yes, well, erm… (hears plot hole opening in story) It's because it's elvish wine! More potent than normal rum. (plot hole closes) (sighs with relief)
writeR – Har-HAR! (lunges with anti-hassling spork) You cannot defeat my novelty cutlery!
xPussyWillowKittenx – No, it's some people from another fandom… you'll find out soon enough.
Freakanature – Fear not! I am making many Compliment Cookies! I shall eat them all in New York!
SlashyKitty – Oh, of course… hmmm… must have that appear somewhere then. And I'm going to try to keep it to things which appeared in the radio series, the books AND the films… I don't like to show favouritism.
Satanira – Hello, Gil. Er, what's Satanira up to?
Kelly of the midnight dawn – You don't need to apologize. I'm just deprived of most American shows, having only four TV channels. And I might need your help with Star Trek, as it seems inevitable I'm going to have to fit it in somewhere, so I'll let you know!
Aleon – OK! waits for you to finish reading
Eowyn Skywalker – I finally finished Wyrd Sisters! (loffs it) Next up is Pyramids. I will try to fit in as many fandoms as possible, but I'm trying to keep it RELATIVELY simple…
A. Leon – SHINY SQUIRREL? WHERE? A Mary-Sue is an original female character who is utterly utterly perfect, are normally a princess or sorceress of some kind who the main character falls in love with, and disrupts the canon of a story. They should be considered armed and dangerous. And fans are going to get involved… but probably not on here, as doesn't like non-story characters in fanfics. I'll probably keep those chapters to my website.